Designing the Future
by SoInspiredbyYou
Summary: These character's of Sally Wainwright have captured my imagination. I've never wanted a good book to end - or an exceptional Series such as Last Tango in Halifax. So I'm experimenting with taking them beyond the storyline while attempting to stay true to what Sally has given us to this point, the end of season 2. My thanks to everyone who brought this production to us.
1. Chapter 1

**FINDING A WAY FORWARD**

**At the Dance**

One kiss blending seamlessly into the next, Caroline and Kate realized all at once that the music had ended and that the room had become almost silent. Pulling back from the kiss, their eyes met just as applause and cheers broke out. Looking around quickly to see what they had missed, they found smiling faces looking back at _them_. Well, mostly smiling faces, a few were doubtful or disapproving. Taking this in, Kate's hand moved down Caroline's arm clasping her hand tightly. It crossed Caroline's mind to wonder if Kate were giving her reassurance or seeking it from Caroline. She had time only to think ruefully, 'Well, Kate you wanted us to come out' before William had caught her into a warm hug. He whispered into her ear, "Mum, I'm so glad." Hugging her even tighter for a second he released her to hug Kate. Caroline saw Roxy just behind William smiling shyly at her. Caroline still had one hand on William's shoulder, but reached out with her other arm to pull Roxy into a brief squeeze.

By this time, the guests, realizing that the music was not going to resume and the festivities were concluding, had begun collecting their belongings. Some had already found Alan and Celia to offer their final congratulations of the evening, express their admiration for the performance of Alan and the boys and convey what a good time they'd had. The first of the departing guests turned from speaking with Alan and Celia to find Caroline and Gillian, their hostesses, releasing one another from a quick hug, one's smile a little embarrassed, the other a little cheeky.

The guests naturally moved down this impromptu line offering thanks and compliments on the loveliness of the affair to Caroline and Gillian before making their way to the door. Suddenly surrounded by departing guests, Caroline anchored Kate to her with a firm grip of her left hand whenever not required to release it to hug an old friend or family member goodbye. To her own extended family and the friends, invited by Celia and herself, Caroline diligently introduced Kate with more or less detail as the circumstances required. Thinking to herself, in for a penny, in for a pound. Many of those passing before her were friends of Alan &amp; Gillian requiring only a polite greeting from Caroline before they moved on to Gillian.

Toward the end of the exodus, Angus' mother took Caroline's hand warmly, thanking her for inviting herself as well as Angus to the wedding. She confided that she hasn't been sure she would have a good time, coming alone now that Angus's dad was out of the picture but that it had turned out to be great fun at the table with Caroline's cousins. "That Marta is a hoot. I can't remember when I have laughed so hard" she told Caroline and Kate, taking them both in with her smile. "Felicity, you know Kate from Sulgrave Heath don't you? She is in the languages department."

"Yes, she has my Angus this term. We met at Teacher's Night. It is good to see you again Miss McKenzie."

Reaching out to shake hands, "Please call me Kate. It's good to see you too"

Felicity told them that she had heard a rumor through school circles that the two of were _an item_. "I didn't take much notice at the time. There are always rumors going round you know." With a warm smile Felicity continued, "I see now that there must have been some truth to this one."

Caroline had gotten to know Felicity more than other parents at the school through the friendship of their sons. She had begun to think of Felicity as a friend after a conversation at one of the boy's rugby matches revealed that they had both faced similar situations with straying husbands. Following this they had spoken a few times as they picked up or dropped off the boys at one another's home. Caroline found herself admiring this woman's ability to face down her ex and take command of the situation from the beginning as well as the humor with which she'd dealt with it all.

Caroline, already standing very straight with shoulders pulled down as she was wont to do when steeling herself for criticism or controlling herself in some way, raised her chin a trifle more to respond to this woman that she had tentatively begun to think of as friend. "Yes, Kate and I were seeing each other." Glancing at Kate Caroline was discomfited to find herself sharing such personal information, "We had a falling out but it seems we are going to be working out our differences now," said Caroline as she valiantly placed her arm around Kate's waist.

"I wish you both the best," replied Felicity. "I want you to know" looking each woman in the eye, "that I will be having a conversation with our Angus about keeping confidentiality with those in one's personal circle of friends. He will _not_ be going to school to spread the word about everything he saw here tonight, or what he may be privileged to know by virtue of his friendship with Laurence. He has been something of a little shit since his Dad left but he is old enough to learn when to keep things to himself and to let people share their own news rather than have things bandied about in gossip." Then a little embarrassed at her rant, "Guess I've been on the receiving end myself lately. Sorry. Sore subject."

"Thank you," said Kate knowing that this would give her and Caroline a little time to control their story at the school and that this would be important to Caroline.

"Thank you, Felicity," Caroline smiled. The eyes of the two women met and Caroline saw the sincerity in Felicity's steady gaze and knew that this woman was a better friend to her than she had known. "I do appreciate your frankness and understanding." Relaxing somewhat, Caroline once again smiled and told Felicity how surprised and delighted she had been to see Angus with her boys and Raff in Alan's song for Celia. "They were all wonderful. I had no idea any of them were up for that sort of thing. I wonder how Alan got them all to agree, let alone give such a fine performance."

"Oh yes, they used our house for rehearsals. They were hard at it this week once William was home from university. I've enjoyed getting to know both of your boys better, Caroline. Raf as well. And Alan is simply a delight. Well, it's getting late and Angus and I are driving back to Harrogate tonight," said Felicity as she gave Caroline a quick hug and "Happy Christmas to you both." Shaking Kate's hand again she moved on to wish Gillian good night.

Caroline and Kate had only enough time to smile into one another's eyes before the chiding voice of Caroline's Auntie Muriel broke in, "Caroline! You didn't tell me that you had been seeing anyone since John left."

"Yes, well, we-," began Caroline when her cousin Marta broke in.

"Mother, you don't need to be the first to know everything. It's getting late. Say goodnight to Caroline now and we will see her again at breakfast," ordered Marta as she gently but firmly pressed her mother on toward Alan and Celia. Leaning in to give Caroline a quick squeeze and to whisper quickly and all in one sentence, "I'm happy for you, John is a twat. Then hurriedly with a nod toward Muriel, "I've got to stay with her, or she'll be giving Auntie Celia grief." With a quick smile into Kate's eyes and a squeeze to her arm, Marta barged on between her mother and Celia to pull her aunt into a hug and to say loudly "congratulations again, Auntie Celia…"

Caroline and Kate both struggled not to burst into giggles as they watched Marta strong-arm her mother toward the exit. Muriel was looking over her shoulder and clearly had not had a chance to say all that she wished to say.

Soon the guests were gone and Celia and Alan were free to turn to Caroline and Kate for the first time since the music ended. Celia opened her mouth, but Alan was quicker. He pulled Caroline into a hug thanking her for working with Gillian to put on such a lovely wedding. "This will be a day for us to remember always," tears filled his eyes as he looked over to Celia, "Won't it love?"

Celia, seeing Alan's emotions overcome him realized it had been a long day, filled with excitement and activity, for both of them. Suddenly, feeling her weariness too, decided that the most important thing was to get Alan upstairs for some rest tonight. She said only "Yes. Yes, it has been a lovely day." And remembering Caroline's speech and all of the kind, loving things she'd said about her mother, Celia softened. Her ire at the display Caroline had made of herself on the dance floor with Kate receded. She knew her daughter loved her and she loved Caroline. That was the most important thing. The rest could wait for later. Now looking lovingly into Alan's eyes she said only "Alan, it _has_ been a beautiful day. And a long one. Shall we go up now?"

Alan nodded and the two of them hugged everyone still in the room. By now only the two families remained, blended into one by all that they had been through together since Alan and Celia had met again. The family feeling had been greatly enhanced by the camaraderie engendered by putting on this wedding.

At this signal, everyone began saying his or her goodnights to one another. Caroline putting a hand on the shoulder of each of the boys told them to go upstairs to their room and she would be in to say goodnight shortly. Hugging Roxy, she asked her if she had everything she needed and would she be OK sharing a room with Marta's Susan? "Good. Good night, then. See you at breakfast," Caroline smiled.

Assured that all was well with Roxy &amp; the boys, Caroline recaptured Kate's hand and lifting her chin slightly, again turned toward Gillian who was hugging Raff and Ellie good night, promising to see them at breakfast in the morning, "9:00, remember" Gillian warned, mindful of Ellie's proclivity for sleeping in mornings.

The boys, slapping one another on the back and congratulating themselves on their great skill and ability as performers, were moving toward the exit. William with Roxy on his arm, Raff had an arm around Ellie and Laurence walking backward so he could face them all as he continued his relentless cheekiness.

Gillian grinned at Caroline, "Well, we did it, didn't we? Finally got a wedding put together. We made a pretty good team on this one, didn't we?"

Caroline, smiling back affectionately, agreed, "We did didn't we?" and moved in to hug Gillian, who whispered " Well done with Kate, good luck working things out."

With a final squeeze to Caroline, Gillian turned to smile at Kate "I am happy to have met you. Thank you for playing the piano at the ceremony. You were wonderful." Turning back to Caroline, "Right. Well, I am going to follow the newlyweds up." Winking broadly, "Make sure they get home safely. Good night then."

Kate turned to face Caroline now that they were the only two in the room except for the servers still bussing tables. Caroline, over Kate's shoulder saw Gillian turn back to take one more look at this couple who had brought the evening to such an unexpected close. Seeing that Caroline had spied her, Gillian scrunched up her face and mouthed YES!, while pumping her arm in the air and bringing it down sharply to her side. Then she turned, moving into a trot, out the door to catch up with Celia and Alan.

Kate seeing Caroline roll her eyes as she gazed past her, looked back as well but was too late to see Gillian. "What?" Caroline just waved a hand and shook her head, her eyes now free to meet Kate's.


	2. Chapter 2

**FINDING A WAY FORWARD**

**I Will Stay With You**

Able for the first time tonight to look into Kate's face without being observed by others Caroline's smile faded and her expression turned serious. The enormity of what faced them, all that they had to work out as a couple began to sink in. And a couple they were after the events of the last hour. Was it really only an hour? So much had happened in such a short time. Her whole life had changed in that space of time. _Their_ whole lives had changed.

Kate could see by Caroline's expression that her mind was leaping ahead, taking on the problems which faced them. Anticipating the future and planning for contingencies was what made Caroline such a good administrator of the school, but it could work against her in her personal life. Taking Caroline by the shoulders and moving her own face a little lower so that her eyes were on a level with Caroline's, she called her softly, "Caroline."

Hearing the tenderness in Kate's voice as she said her name, Caroline came back to the present and met the deep brown eyes that were looking intently into her own. For a moment she was lost in their depths, feeling Kate's hands on her shoulders, remembering the intensity of their kisses such a short time ago, Caroline's emotions overflowed her heart and tears formed in her eyes. "You came back," she marveled. "I _am_ glad." Seeing Kate's face light up again, Caroline took a deep steadying breath and said, "I have a room upstairs. Will you stay with me tonight?"

Kate did not respond immediately, so Caroline rushed on, "I know we've only just begun to… to… but I would really like it if you _would_ stay. We don't… you don't… I mean... If we could just be together. Then candidly, I'm almost afraid that this isn't real, that I'm dreaming and you'll disappear. Tomorrow I'll wake up to my old misery. I…" Caroline stopped abruptly, appalled at what she had just admitted. Blushing deeply, she looked back into Kate's eyes to find them kind and understanding, her old Kate was back. None of the hardness she had become accustomed to finding in Kate's face these recent months.

Kate gently pulled Caroline toward her, wrapping her arms around Caroline, holding her close, whispering into Caroline's ear, "I _will_ stay with you tonight." Pulling back, she looked into those incredible blue eyes once again filling with tears. Allowing her hands to slide down Caroline's arms, she grasped her hands and squeezed them saying, "I need to get my things." Letting go of one hand she pulled Caroline toward the table where she had found her sitting abjectly such a short time ago. Caroline, having forgotten to breathe for a moment when Kate's whisper into her ear sent a visceral sensation through her body, caught her breath and followed where Kate lead.


	3. Chapter 3

**The Boys**

Moving through the almost empty public rooms of the hotel toward the stairs, Caroline and Kate's eyes fell on the sitting area where they had argued the last time they were here together. Walking hand in hand the two women paused then, reading the pain in the other's eyes, by common consent continued toward the stairs.

Approaching her room, Caroline pulled the key from a pocket of her full skirt and tried to insert it into the lock. Her hand was shaking so much that Kate gently took the key from her and opened the door, handing the key back to Caroline. Looking up at Kate, tugging her shoulders down and letting out a deep sigh, Caroline asked, "Why am I such a mess and you are so calm?"

Shrugging, "Inside I'm not," replied Kate smiling wanly. I think I've just had more time to get used to the idea of possibly getting back together. I had the drive all the way to Harrogate and back thinking about it."

Caroline nodded, feeling a little less of a mess. "I _have_ to say good night to the boys, make sure they are OK," Caroline apologized. "Especially Laurence. If this is disconcerting for me, I don't know how he is feeling. I have to talk to them before we all go down to breakfast in the morning. Auntie Muriel is likely to be a loose cannon, not to mention my mother. I _am_ sorry, I just-

"Don't be sorry," interrupted Kate. "This is all very sudden. I understand." Seeing Caroline's doubt, put there by her own coldness, Kate squeezed her hand and said softly, "Really, Caroline. Go. Take care of the boys. I'll be here waiting." Kate smiled reassuringly over her shoulder as she passed into the room and closed the door, the smile still on her face.

Alone in the corridor, Caroline closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Maybe it really was going to be OK. Kate's manner did seem to be telling her so. Now, what was she going to say to the boys? William had made his feelings clear, but what was going on in Laurence's mind?

Crossing down the hall to the door of the boys' room, Caroline tapped twice and tried the handle, which turned at her touch. Both boys were in their pajamas. She saw William already in bed with his book and Laurence rooting through his suitcase. "Hiya," she said. Moving into the room and sitting on the bed which was waiting for Laurence, facing William she got right to the point, "I suppose you know what happened tonight was not planned. It just happened and …" uncertain how to finish this sentence she stopped.

Looking at Laurence, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. It wasn't intentional." Laurence had straightened from his suitcase and turned toward her, his face unreadable. "Laurence?" she questioned, not wishing to ramble on and dig herself into an even deeper hole with her youngest son.

Laurence shrugged, looked down at his feet, then finally after a long pause. "I know you haven't been very happy since you and Kate weren't together any more." Another pause. Slowly Laurence continued with pauses between sentences, thinking out his response as he went along. "I don't like seeing you unhappy. I know now what a shit Dad can be. I know he hasn't treated you well. You deserve better. You're a good Mum," then mischievously "even if you are a bit boring," he said looking her in the eye for the first time since she had entered the room.

Caroline started breathing naturally again. If Laurence was making jokes there was hope.

Serious again, "The thing is, I'm not sure that Kate has treated you much better. I've seen how unhappy you have been." Laurence looked at her steadily.

Caroline, her face full of love for her son, saw his genuine concern for her. She realized for the first time just how much Laurence had been taking in during all of these difficult months.

"Laurence, I think I have just realized how much all of this has hurt you. I'm sorry." Holding her arms out to him, Caroline continued, "I _am_ sorry." Laurence, suddenly emotional, quickly seated himself beside his mother on the bed and went into her arms. Finding that he was now too tall to fit his face into her neck as he used to do, contented himself with pressing his cheek into hers, kissing it as they finally pulled out of their embrace.

Caroline, with her fingers wiped away the tears that had escaped Laurence's eyes. Smoothing back his tousled hair, Caroline whispered, "I don't think I _have_ been a very good mother to you recently, Laurence. I promise to do better."

Moving his hand from the bed where he had been bracing himself, Laurence gave her another squeeze before settling himself a little further away so he could see her face.

"Kate is staying the night with me. We have a lot to talk through. Caroline went on, "With tomorrow being Christmas, and a house full of guests, I can't tell you now how everything is going to play out. I can only ask for your patience as Kate and I try to find a way forward. How would you feel if I asked Kate to join us tomorrow? At the house. For Christmas. And to spend the night if she can?" Looking at each in turn, she saw William's smile of reassurance and received a nod from Laurence as she caught his eye.

Briskly, as she stood up "By the way, Gillian, Raff, Ellie and the baby are coming over to join us for dinner tomorrow and to spend the night. With Granny, Alan, Ted and now Kate, we'll have a house full tomorrow. I hope I can count on both of you to help me with the entertaining? Receiving more nods from both boys, Caroline moved to William's bed, bending, she placed a good night kiss on top of his head. "Breakfast at 9:00 in the dining room downstairs" leaning in to kiss Laurence's head too, Caroline continued in her mother voice " have your bags packed before you come down. You can come back after breakfast to bring all of our luggage down and pack it into the car."

Pausing by the door, Caroline's tone returned to the more intimate one she had used when discussing what was happening in all of their lives as a result of the change in her relationship with Kate. "In the morning we'll all be in the dining room together, the wedding party I mean. You know what Granny can be like and Auntie Muriel is much the same. I don't know what their attitudes will be or what they might say. I know you may be tempted to defend me," Caroline paused, "if things are said. Please don't. You have to remember that they are of a different generation and we need to respect them. I..." another pause, "Kate and I can deal with whatever happens." Looking at them each in turn, her love shining from her face, she said, "I don't want you to be hurt any more than you already have been by my life choices. I do love you, you know."

"We know Mum," William smiled. "We love you too." Laurence said nothing but she could see by the look he gave her that he was agreeing with William who, as so often happened, spoke for both of them.

Beaming her love at each of them again, Caroline said briskly, "Right then, see you in the morning. Good night. Put the night latch on after I close the door."


	4. Chapter 4

**Where Do We Go From Here**

Out in the corridor, Caroline waited to hear the click of the night latch. Then slumped softly against the door closing her eyes again. That had gone better than she might have hoped given what had transpired between her and Kate on the dance floor. Laurence was growing up before her eyes and she hadn't noticed. Not as she had noted the change in William since his return from university. She really must find a way to pay more attention to them both. They were growing up so fast. Before she knew it they would be adults.

Still leaning against the door to the boys room, Caroline's thoughts turned to Kate and how working things out with her would impact her available time and attention to give the boys. She must stay mindful and be sure they were not short changed. KATE! _Kate_ was waiting in her room. Was she wondering what was taking Caroline so long? Was she growing impatient? Please God, she hadn't changed her mind and gone.

Caroline pushed off the door so swiftly that in two strides of her long legs she was at the door to her room. Taking the key from her pocket, she tried fitting it into the lock only to find that once again she missed. Her hands were shaking so, that trying again and then again, she failed to insert the key into the lock. Slumping, she closed her eyes, trying to calm herself enough to open the door to her own room. Unexpectedly the door opened and there stood Kate, her head tilted enquiringly.

Caroline stood transfixed, gazing at Kate. She was still here. Waiting for her. Not grown impatient and gone. Thank God. But once she stepped through this door, stepped into her future with Kate there was so much to be dealt with. The past and all of the things they had gotten wrong, both of them hurting each other. And the future with all there was to be worked out between them. So many people to be taken into consideration with every step they would take, the boys, her mother, Kate's family, the baby. THE BABY.

Kate had been smiling as she opened the door, having heard Caroline's key at the lock, intending to make a joke of her failure to unlock this door again. The swift passage of expressions across Caroline's expressive face from concentration on the lock, to surprise then to consternation caused Kate's smile to fade and she reached out to pull Caroline through the door so she could close it.

"Caroline? Caroline! What is it? Are you alright?" Kate noticed that the hand she held was more than trembling, it was shaking. Her voice full of genuine concern, Kate pulled Caroline toward the sofa in front of the fireplace grabbing the extra blanket from the foot of the bed as she passed. "Come in, sit down. I'll turn on the fire. It's electric. It won't take long to warm. " Kate shook out the blanket and wrapped it around Caroline's shoulders before pressing her down onto the sofa. Quickly moving to the fireplace she adjusted the setting before seating herself next to Caroline. Taking cold hands into her own Kate began chaffing them, waiting for Caroline to stop shaking. Caroline struggled to regain her composure, watching the golden brown hands on her own. Finally, the warmth of the blanket, the fire and Kate's hands on hers began to take effect.

"Sorry. Sorry, it's just been quite a long day. I've not been drinking," she assured Kate, "only orange since dinner. It's just all been so unexpected." Summer sky blue eyes full of wonder fastened onto Kate's face, "You, coming back. After all the…" Then eyes on Kate's lips she said softly, "Kissing you again." Caroline's face softened remembering the sweetness of kissing Kate again, followed swiftly by dismay, "In front of everyone. Oh Kate," Then she began laughing ruefully at herself, eyes once again on Kate's.

Kate smiled an apology for the abruptness of her return. "You did seem to recover from it fairly well. Introducing me to all your friends and family as if you'd been planning it all along." Tilting her head and giving Caroline a warm look, Kate told her in the old admiring voice, "You really are magnificent, Caroline."

Caroline looked quickly into Kate's soft brown eyes. She saw sincerity but just hours before Kate had walked away from her again. The strain of spending the afternoon and evening tracking Kate's position in the room relative to her own, watching her from the corner of her eye, seeing her talking and laughing with everyone but herself had taken a toll. Could she rely on this new Kate? Well, the old Kate actually. Did Kate really think she was magnificent? How could it all change so quickly?

Caroline stiffened. Throwing back the blanket, she walked over to the fireplace gazing down at the artificial logs. Did Kate think that she could just waltz back in and after a few kisses, and a little charm, everything could just go back to the way it was? The way it was before all the coldness? Before the last time they were both in this hotel? It seemed to have been working that way so far tonight, hadn't it? No, Caroline knew that too much had happened between them for it to be this simple. Turning to look at Kate, drawing her shoulders down as she often did to calm herself or take courage, both of which she needed very much at the moment, Caroline lifted her chin and issued her own challenge to Kate. She spoke in much the same tone that Kate had used when asking her to dance. "What brought you back here tonight?"

Kate had hoped they wouldn't need to go into this tonight, hoped that reunion would be enough for now. But she knew Caroline better than that didn't she? Knew that she would have questions, a need to understand what was happening. She wouldn't be Caroline otherwise, would she? Aware of this, she'd been rehearsing in her mind, behind the wheel, all the way up here from Harrogate knowing that if her return went as she hoped, it would come to this. Using the same soft tender voice she'd used to tell Caroline how magnificent she was, Kate said simply, "I never stopped loving you Caroline. But today, I fell in love with you all over again."

Caroline seated herself in an armchair, within the fireplace grouping, but at the opposite end of the sofa from where Kate sat. She didn't trust herself to be too close to Kate and continue this discussion. Much as she wished they didn't have to go into this now, Caroline knew that they couldn't really move forward until there was some kind understanding between them.

Seeing the 'Dr. Elliot' expression Caroline used on recalcitrant students, ready to give them a fair hearing but clearly taking no nonsense, Kate knew that her hour of reckoning had arrived. Taking a deep breath, she began, "I realize that this may have seemed abrupt to you but in fact it has been building ever since last fall when you came to my house with flowers." Seeing Caroline's skepticism, Kate went on quickly, "I know I didn't accept your offer to try again." Somewhat indignant, "I'd just left your house after taking Laurence home. John opened the door like he lived there, answered the phone leaving me on the doorstep and then closed the door in my face with barely a thank you." A little defiantly, "I could see that nothing had changed." Controlling trembling lips with an effort, "I couldn't subject my child to all the drama and angst in that house, in your life." Kate's brown eyes pleading with Caroline for understanding, "No matter how much I longed to take you in my arms that day and ease the pain and anguish I could see on your face."

Caroline hadn't known what had happened when Kate brought Laurence home but she could easily picture the scene Kate had described and nodded her acceptance of this judgment.

Seeing this, Kate went on wonderingly, "and then last week, you just appeared at the hospital. I was so scared and there you were. Even though we'd barely spoken in weeks, here you were beside me, trying to reassure me, offering to go in with me. I was _so_ glad to have you there, Caroline." Looking down for a moment, embarrassed, "then I just let you go. I was so overwhelmed with fear over the baby and then relief and, well, just emotion that I was hardly thinking clearly."

Raising her face again, "Later it came to me what your schedule must have been like that day, so close to the end of the term. What you walked away from to be with me. What that might mean about your feelings for me. I know you have a highly developed sense of responsibility but somehow it felt like more than that.

When I looked back on it, I remembered your face as you watched the monitor just before I dropped your hand. I hadn't taken that expression in then. I'd only realized that I _had_ your hand and the position it put you in. So, I let go of you. I wanted you to take my hand back but I'd already blown it. I figured that was it." Kate's eyebrows rose as she gave a little shrug. "How many times could I really expect to reject you before you stopped offering? I'd already snubbed you three times." Seeing Caroline's face, Kate said softly, "yes, I didn't forget to count the time you came to my classroom to find me. The week after my birthday."

Caroline, trying to take in that Kate _had_ wanted her, could say nothing. Seeing this Kate went on.

"Then a couple of days after… the scare, your Mum called me. Asking me to play the piano at her wedding." Smiling a little at the memory, "she asked me right off if I would play, but before I could reply she went on talking. She was very chatty as if we had been old friends and she was catching me up on all the news. She told me John had been out of the house since before William went off to university in the autumn, that you had filed for divorce, put the house up for sale and she and Alan were looking at bungalows between Harrogate and Halifax. Then she told me that she was worried about you, how sad you'd been for ages now. She thought you worked too hard and on top of that you were packing up the house not to mention putting on the wedding for her and Alan. By the time she finished, I knew she was telling me that she wouldn't stand in the way of us if ever…" Kate's face once again struggling for composure, " if we should…" Taking a deep breath, and shrugging, "so how could I say no to her then?"

Caroline said softly, "So, you came today to play the piano."

Kate nodded, scooting forward to the edge of the sofa, elbows on knees, "I couldn't take my eyes off you today. You were so beautiful walking your Mum down the aisle. Holding her flowers. Being the consummate hostess, seeing to your guests, consulting with the hotel manager, mothering your boys, watching over Alan's family, being everywhere at once all day."

Caroline's face registered her confusion. She had been watching Kate all day and never had she found Kate's eyes on her. "You…? When…? How…?"

Kate smiled wryly, knowing how many times she had looked away just in the nick of time - she had hoped. "I had the advantage of you didn't I? You were on display and I was on the sidelines, watching."

Caroline gave Kate a 'why you little bugger' look which immediately changed to confusion. "But you just left. After dinner you just left."

Kate looked at her hands, "I was a coward. I chickened out. When I found you to say goodbye I couldn't think of a thing to say. Not in that setting. Not with… all the past." Looking at Caroline again, her head still slightly lowered, "On the way back to Harrogate I tried to convince myself that it wouldn't have been fair to start that conversation with you at the wedding. Tried to convince myself that you wouldn't have me anyway, not after… everything. As I was driving down my street, almost home, I started thinking about your speech tonight." With the love light shining in her face, Kate continued, "Seeing you all bashful and charming, so witty, talking about your Mum. Caroline, I was so proud of you. I let myself think about how much I still missed you. I let myself realize what it would mean to live the rest of my life without you." Blinking back tears Kate went on, "Not being able to look to you, never again to get lost in your blue, blue eyes..." Her voice choking off, Kate stopped.

Seeing Caroline's chin pulled back in incredulity, Kate swallowed and went on, "I walked into my empty house and I knew I couldn't bear to wait for an opportune moment to see if you would have me back. I couldn't have a 'Happy Christmas' without you. I couldn't have a happy anything without you. It was all so dry and lonely." Shrugging, "I just got in the car and drove back up here."

Caroline was moved now, her face and the cords in her neck working to maintain her composure. Kate had gradually slid down the sofa toward her. Caroline only had to lean in now to take that lovely face between her hands and kiss it. And she wanted to. So much. Wanted just to kiss Kate, wrap her arms around her and never let her go. Forget everything that had happened in the past and start from here. But wasn't that just what had gotten them into trouble in the first place? Not talking things through, sweeping it all under the rug.

Quickly wiping tears from her cheeks with her fingers, Caroline steeled herself to resist reaching for Kate. Her face became tender and she leaned her own elbows earnestly on her knees. "Kate, as much as I would like nothing better than to let bygones be bygones and," closing her eyes for a moment, "just kiss you and pretend none of this had ever happened," her face contorted, "that wouldn't be good for us," and looking pointedly at Kate's distended belly, "it wouldn't be good for her either." Seeing Kate's fallen face, Caroline quickly took her hands and held them tight, hurrying on, "I'm not saying we don't have a future, I'm only saying that we can't rush through this part. If we do it will only haunt us in the future." Pleadingly, "Can you see that?"

Shaking the two hands gripped in hers and moving her face to track with Kate's eyes, "We've hurt each other so much. There is such a lot to talk about between us. We can't just ignore that." Another desperate shake of the clasped hands, "You do see that don't you?"

Penetrating blue eyes found and held the liquid brown eyes now brimming over. Caroline gripped Kate's hands even tighter and said through gritted teeth, her voice fierce and a little choked, "Kate, I want you so much I can taste it. I just don't want to get it wrong this time. I don't think I could live through losing you again."

The depth of Caroline's feelings reached Kate, she saw the love and earnestness with which these words had been spoken. She could only nod and squeeze Caroline's hands back.

Caroline expelled a deep breath and went on, "I'm not saying we have to do this tonight. We couldn't. There is far too much to say. Besides it is late." Touching Kate's cheek tentatively, "I can see you're tired." Then mischievously on a laugh almost like a sob, "After all you are a 42 year old pregnant woman." Only after she saw Kate's suppressed smile and the mock warning look in her eye as a response did Caroline's breathing begin to return to normal.

Sobering, Caroline looked down at Kate's hands in her own. "Kate, I'm no psychologist, but I have been doing a bit of reading…" Seeing the twinkle in Kate's eye, Caroline gave a little shrug and tilted her head, an embarrassed look on her face, "Well, you know me and research. I wanted to be prepared in case I… we… got the chance to work things out between us." Kate's look changed to one of love and admiration as she marveled at this act of faith on Caroline's part. Caroline went on. "It is likely in these kinds of situations for both parties to have grief and anger to deal with in addition to the pain and hurt they have experienced." Stopping herself, Caroline realized that this sounded as though it had come directly from a textbook. Closing her eyes and shaking her head at herself, she looked back at Kate, "Look, the point is... what I want to say is… What I need to ask is… Stopping to close her eyes for a moment, Caroline tried again, "Can you be patient with me for a little while yet?"

"Kate, we've so much to talk through and I have commitments for tomorrow through Boxing Day. Probably you do too. But the boys are going to be out of town from Thursday afternoon until sometime on Sunday. Could we spend some time together? Talking, getting to know each other again? Can you be patient with me while I make Christmas for them?" Rushing on, "I'd like it if you could come over tomorrow, any time you have free.

Kate said slowly, "I do have plans with my Mum and my Dad for tomorrow. After that I'm pretty open." A suggestive look that Caroline remembered well came into Kate's eye, "What did you have in mind?"

Caroline found that she needed to swallow before she could speak, "I wondered if I could come and see you. It'll be quieter at yours, fewer interruptions. Is that…? Would that be all right?"

Kate said, "Course, of course."

Caroline gave her the bashful smile Kate found so captivating, her voice rising an octave, "So, is that… is that all right?"

Kate asked, "So Christmas with the boys tomorrow?"

Caroline grinned ruefully, "And the rest of my now expanded family. I've invited Gillian, Raf, Ellie and the baby for Christmas dinner and to spend the night. Mum, Alan and Ted will be next door so they will be there too. And, I'm giving them brunch before they all head out on Thursday.

Kate's eyes opened wide, "Gee" was all she could find to say.

Caroline rolled her eyes, "I know, I know, I was going with the don't think, keep busy plan at the time." Then, her eyes shining, "Could you come and spend Christmas night with me?"

"Oh Caroline, won't you have enough on without adding me to the mix?"

Looking at Kate's lips, then into her eyes and back to her lips again, Caroline said "Adding you to the mix is just what I will be looking forward to."

Kate's eyes scanned Caroline's face lovingly, as she said softly, "Sure. If you want me."

Caroline, again eyeing Kate's lips, "Oh, I want you." With that, the lips that had been gravitating closer and closer met tenderly. Their kisses deepening as Caroline knelt to bring them closer, her hands on either side of Kate's face. Tongues touching tentatively, tasting, then melting into one another, but when Kate's hands came up her rib cage and pressed against the sides of her breasts, Caroline moved her mouth to the side with a gasp, her cheek pressing and kissing against Kate's smooth cheek instead of her mouth, her hands moved down Kate's arms to bring the caressing hands from her body back to Kate's lap as she tried desperately to think.

There was no doubt about the powerful feelings she had for this beautiful, intelligent, gentle woman. But feeling like this hadn't been enough before. They had to get it right this time, for everyone's sake. She couldn't afford to blow it again.

Her breathing still labored, Caroline said, "Kate." Her face contorting with the effort, she pulled back to look into Kate's desire filled face. Picking up Kate's hands one by one and kissing them then pressing them to her cheeks, Caroline said, "Kate, I'm sorry. I can't. Not yet." Fear and apology in her gaze, "Not tonight. I'm sorry." Once again tracking with eyes that started to look down, Caroline's voice tender, not quite shy, not quite pleading, "Kate, will you come to bed with me? Let me hold you?" Then almost a whisper, "I need to hold you, Kate."

Kate replied softly, "Yes, Caroline."


	5. Chapter 5

****Christmas Morning****

The end of the evening before had left no doubt in the mind of Caroline or Kate that their feelings for one another were deep and that they had a strong desire to find a way forward together. Their affair had been tumultuous from the beginning and the agonizing aftershocks of the disastrous birthday weekend were still reverberating between them.

Somehow the sorrowful months of separation had not diminished the reverence for one another that had been characteristic of them. For all that they had rushed the relationship along, there had always been a keen mutual admiration between them, a high sense of appreciation for the distinctly unique other. All haste had been left at the door whenever only they two were together. Time eddied around them like the current of a river around an island.

Simply to be in the presence of the other was provocative and exhilarating to the point of driving all else from their minds. There was only now and now was enough. Being together provided a sense of contentedness that neither had experienced anywhere else. It was this quality of fulfillment that made it seem like a promise to their future to meet in the middle of the wide bed, naked in body as they were prepared to be in heart and soul. They lay face to face, a hand of each clasped at the edge of the pillow they shared, gazing into one another's eyes and promptly fell sleep, serene as if the world had somehow returned to its natural order.

In spite of the lateness of the hour when they had finally made it to bed, Caroline was awake at first light. She was surprised upon wakening to find that she was curled around Kate. Her body supporting Kate's back and the additional weight it now carried. Her arm around Kate's middle, Caroline for the first time felt the movements beneath the distended belly. Enchanted with this as she had been with the image of this child on the monitor at the hospital, Caroline marveled at how much she wanted this baby. The child she had tried to talk Kate out of conceiving.

Drifting in and out of sleep for a bit, gradually Caroline's mind locked onto what she had to do today and she came fully awake. Considering all that remained to be completed to put on Christmas for her now enlarged family, Caroline revised a schedule, not only for herself but also for the boys and tentatively for Kate. OK, slippery slope there. She would need to be careful, offering this plan to Kate as an invitation rather than marching orders as she would to the boys or had done with John at one time.

Kate's return would radically alter her life. She would need to banish many of the patterns she had followed in the years of her marriage to John. She must curb her tendency to direct everything and learn to collaborate with Kate as they designed a new life together. Yes, like architects, they would clear the debris of the unfortunate events in the past to lay a new foundation for a family. Together they would shape a new family that would include her boys and Kate's unborn baby. Of course, there were difficult discussions ahead as they salvaged all that was fine and good between them and began sorting out their future. Even knowing that it would not be easy Caroline felt lighter than she had felt in months.

She could not help her mind's return to the incredible evening just past. Caroline relived the discouragement of Kate's departure and the heart stopping sight of her extended hand, a challenge in the form of an invitation. Or was it an invitation in the form of a challenge? Caroline couldn't decide but she had known instinctively that if she didn't seize this opportunity it might never come round again. She had suspended her fear that nothing would change as a result of a dance. Then amazingly, Kate had stayed beside her while all Caroline's friends and family had filed by and allowed herself to be introduced to them. Caroline hadn't necessarily given their relationship a label during these introductions, but _really_, after everyone had seen the two of them on the dance floor, there hadn't seemed to be a need to spell it out. Caroline reflected that in part it had been the labels that had panicked her in the first place so many months ago.

When she and Kate were alone together everything was right and natural. But words like gay and lesbian seemed to hold so much freight. She felt when hearing those words in connection with herself as if they were euphemisms for what Laurence had obliquely called her, a muff munching shirt lifter. Was labeling their relationship really so important? Maybe it was to Kate. She would have to ask her. And ask what labels they should use. Certainly Caroline wanted to get it right this time.

The baby kicked and stretched beneath Caroline's hand. The Baby! Parenting a baby again. A little sister to her boys, how would they react? She hadn't discussed this with them last night; there had been so little time and more pressing issues. Surely they had seen that Kate was expecting a baby and worked out that with Kate came a baby. Hadn't they? Had she, really? The thought caused Caroline to catch her breath, struck for the first time by the realization that she was an expectant parent! Panic was setting in.

"Breath Caroline" commanded Kate's voice.

Her head swiveling quickly, she saw that Kate had not moved. "How did you…"

Kate moved onto her back, to look at Caroline. "The wheels turning in your head woke me up," she smiled, "I heard you stop breathing." Touching Caroline's hand on her belly, "This is the first time you've done that." She knew that Caroline was aware of the exact week of her pregnancy. That had slipped out the day she came to the hospital to be with her, the day of her scare. Kate could not keep back a smile as she watched the bemused look on Caroline's face, the fingers that had never left Kate's belly. They moved here and there wherever the little limbs pressed against the walls of their confinement. Caroline's fingers automatically pressing back whenever she could connect with the movement.

Glancing up she found Kate's amused eyes on her. Caroline leaned back to see Kate's face, "Whot?"

"You. Playing games with her already. Automatically, the consummate mother."

Caroline's hand stilled. She said earnestly, "You're her Mum, Kate. I feel I've missed so much. Will you mind if I get a little... intense about her?" Then humbly, "I do have that tendency, you know.

"No, I won't mind," Kate said tenderly, flooded with elation that Caroline could feel this way. "After…" she took an extra breath, "Considering everything, it might be more surprising if we weren't _both_ a little intense about…" giving Caroline a questioning look, "our baby?" Seeing her own exultation reflected back on Caroline's face and her nod of agreement Kate could breathe freely once more. "I only hope that I can be half the mother to her that you are to your boys."

"Oh Kate." Quickly moving her fingers to Kate's face and raising up on an elbow to look earnestly into the beautiful brown eyes. "Kate, there is no doubt in my mind that you are going to be, hands down, one of the world's best mothers. With your upbringing, with the parents you had, how could you be anything else?" Seeing that she was not convinced, Caroline continued, "I see you with the students. You genuinely care about them, encourage them, reprimand appropriately when needed. You are going to be a great Mum."

"Older children." Kate said dismissively.

"Kate, the infant stage, as exhausting as it is, really is the easy part. Who doesn't love a baby?" Caroline's voice was noticeably softer on the last words. This wasn't lost on Kate. "It's as they grow up that it becomes so much more difficult to know the right things to say and do."

"Like with your boys now?"

"Yes," admitted Caroline, "I do worry." Kate nodded.

Just then, the alarm on Caroline's phone went off. "Right. I guess that is the official start of our day," remarked Caroline regretfully. Then with a lustful look at the flawlessly smooth skin of Kate's chest and down to perfect cleavage she said softly, "I was just beginning to entertain thoughts of alternative activities to talking."

"Only just now?" asked Kate cheekily, throwing her arms above her head. Lowering her voice to a provocative level and looking out at Caroline from under long lashes, she went on, "we've been naked in this bed together for hours and you are just only now beginning to think of non-verbal activities?"

"Mmmm," said Caroline, her own face and voice becoming sultry. Having slowly moved her face quite close to Kate's, Caroline gave her a very sensual kiss before quickly rolling away to the far edge of the bed with a loud groan of regret and onto her feet. She then provocatively sauntered toward the bathroom, looking back over her shoulder with a very cheeky look on her face.

"No fair," wailed Kate just before the door closed.

With Caroline out of sight Kate remembered that she had heard Caroline stop breathing. What had stopped her breathing? They'd never gotten to that. She must remember to ask her later. Later! Thinking of the day to come felt a little overwhelming. She hadn't meant to cause disruption in their lives by coming back last night. Holidays and all that went with them, families, entertaining, the gatherings surrounding the holidays hadn't even crossed her mind on the drive to Harrogate and back. Only Caroline had been on her mind, as usual. Here she was complicating Caroline's life again.

It wasn't long before Caroline, wrapped only in a towel, was there once more, kneeling on the floor beside the bed. Her face just inches from Kate's she smelled of soap and toothpaste. "Now whose wheels are turning?" Caroline asked, brows high, looking down her nose at Kate. The endearing expressions this gorgeous, fascinating woman could wear! Just when Kate would swear she had them all memorized, here would be a new one. She could spend a lifetime just gazing at Caroline and never grow tired of seeing her.

"Earth to Kate, earth to Kate, come in" Caroline joked gently, having tilted her head inquisitively, another new view. Finally Kate's eyes connected with Caroline's. "Whot?" asked Caroline, gazing back, an amused smile on her face. In truth she was as willing to just spend her day taking in Kate's features as Kate seemed to be willing to silently scrutinize her own. God knows why, she thought.

"Mmmmm," said Kate distractedly, still studying Caroline's face. "Just wondering what you had in mind for us. Finally looking Caroline in the eye, "do you have plans for us? Is that why I could hear the wheels turning?"

Caroline, guilty, looked down at the exposed shoulder beneath her chin and couldn't resist kissing it. "Maybe I have a few suggestions," she offered.

"Suggestions," scoffed Kate. "I'll bet you have plans well enough laid to invade Russia by noon" said Kate with a grin she could not suppress.

Caroline, still looking guilty stammered, "Well… I…" before being cut off.

"You really are magnificent Caroline," whispered Kate, all the love she felt shining on her face.

Caroline, overcome with powerful feelings, stronger in her now than they had ever been, could only communicate her love through her lips. This kiss was a tender reminder of last night's promise of a future together. Reluctant to part, the kiss deepened communicating the passion just beneath the surface in each woman. Caroline levered herself higher on the bed with her elbows, Kate turned into the seeking lips moving urgently on hers. When the kiss ended, both were breathless, once again cheek-to-cheek breathing into one another's ear, aware that the timing was still off for them.

Conscious of the morning slipping away, Caroline determinedly rose to her feet. As she spun away Kate made an unsuccessful attempt to snatch the edge of her towel. She couldn't resist making a face over her shoulder as she moved to the wardrobe. Pointedly replying to the earlier question, "I have _suggestions_ to make for Christmas and Boxing Day. I hope you will like them and agree." When Kate said nothing, Caroline went on selecting the various garments that she needed. "I realize that you have likely had your Christmas plans laid for some time. But seeing as I am committed to feeding my rapidly expanding family, I wonder, would you and your Mum like to join us?"

In spite of their innuendo this morning, Caroline decided that it wasn't fair to Kate to simply drop the towel and dress in front of her on this particular morning. Through the open bathroom door Caroline went on, "I can't promise what might happen. My mother, as you well know, is a loose cannon, Gillian is not much better, Alan's brother Ted is mostly an unknown quantity and Laurence is a teenager with moods." Laughing ruefully, "Not that I am trying to put you off of the invitation, I just want to be sure you understand what you are letting yourself in for if you do join us for dinner."

"Of course, you must already have plans for the day. If you want to come over though you'd be welcome. You and your Mum, just you, any time you like, as long as you like." Stopping short, Caroline realized that she was rambling. Slightly embarrassed and coming to stand in the open doorway wearing a lacy black slip, she ended softly "and yes, my invitation extends to you spending the night with me tonight." Hesitantly, "If you are so inclined." Watching Kate's face for a sign of her reaction Caroline saw by the distracted look on Kate's face that she may not have heard this last.

Caroline came to sit on the edge of the bed, taking Kate's hands, "please, quickly, put me out of my misery and tell me your plans. Do you think they can be brought into sync somehow with my commitments for the day?"

Kate recovering herself, sat up higher against the pillows, pulling the sheet up with her. Reflecting quietly for a moment, "Much as I would like for our families to meet and get to know one another, I wonder if it might not be better to arrange a time when things have quieted down a bit. For everyone's sake." Kate watched Caroline consider this. "Give us a little time to be together and talk things through. Let your Mum and Alan come down from the emotionalism of the wedding. Maybe for the first time my Mum and yours meet not have Gillian and her family there too?" Kate went on quickly, "Nothing against any of them and not that my Mum can't hold her own. Just saying, for the first time, maybe let's be a little… low key about it? We got into trouble before by rushing things is all I'm saying. Besides, after the tone Celia took last night, I'm not sure…"

"Yes, you may be right. Let's take a saner pace this time," Caroline agreed. "So does that mean you won't be coming over?

"No, but I was wondering if you could drive back to Harrogate with me - can William drive your car?" At Caroline's nod, "let Mum know that we are…" That cute wrinkled nose and enquiring look that Caroline found so endearing on Kate's face, "What are we? Seeing each other again? Back together?" Opening her mouth, nonplussed, she looked at Caroline.

Caroline, seeing her dilemma, and understanding it, didn't really know the answer, had in fact expected Kate to tell _her_ what they were now. The two of them considered for a moment, looking candidly into one another's eyes. "What do you want to tell your Mum?"

Her eyes on Caroline, Kate began slowly, "I know it's early days Caroline but I'd like to think we could tell her that we are back together. That is what I want. Is it what you want?"

Caroline nodded. "That is what I want." Whispering, "It's no good without you Kate. I need you. I'd like to raise the baby with you. Blend the boys into our family."

Kate, seeing the certainty in Caroline's eyes, felt gratified beamed her approval to Caroline. Only then did Caroline relax somewhat.

In spite of the fact that she had set her alarm for an outrageously early hour time was slipping away. Caroline returned them to the planning at hand. "I can come with you to your Mum's for a bit." Looking penitent, "my time is going to run short for getting Christmas dinner on…" then abruptly she stopped herself. Shaking her head and lifting her chin, "Sod it. We'll take as much time as we need. This lot will have had a staggering breakfast downstairs this morning. It won't matter a bit if the dinner is later than I originally planned." Pausing to laugh at herself Caroline said, "I'm the only one who had any idea what time that might be anyway."

Glancing again at the bedside clock and realizing that she was still wasn't fully dressed and Kate hadn't even made it into the bathroom yet, said briskly, "Right. We had better get moving." Turning to the wardrobe, deliberately avoiding the sight of Kate rising naked from her bed, she resolutely continued, "Your turn in the loo. Plenty of time for a shower, if you like, while I get dressed."

Kate, smiling in some satisfaction at the lengths Caroline felt necessary to control her desire, was also grateful not to have to display her now misshapen body just yet before the stunning woman, who if anything, looked better than ever having become trimmer during their time apart.

Caroline, moving on from hair and makeup, stopped short, as she was about to pull on the soft knit dress she had brought with her. Suddenly, it occurred to her that Kate had no Christmas finery, not even a change of clothing to put on to go down to breakfast. The only things she had were the clothes that she had worn to the wedding.

Appalled at this realization, she berated herself for not thinking of it before. Had Kate brought a bag? Was it still in her car? After she finished dressing, Caroline listened, hearing the shower was off, knocked and called, "Kate, do you have a bag in the car? Can I go down to get it for you?"

Kate wrapped inadequately in the hotel bathrobe, opened the door. Embarrassed, she smiled regretfully, "No, I never thought that far, just got back in the car and set off again. At least my dress was hanging in here and the steam from the shower has released the wrinkles from it. I'll be fine," she said not quite believably. What woman wanted to appear at breakfast wearing last night's clothes? "I have some cosmetics in my handbag. It is only until I can get home.

Unable to change the circumstances, Caroline kissed Kate gently on the cheek and allowed her to return to dressing. Caroline quickly completed her own preparations for the day, repacking her suitcase so that it would be ready for the boys to bring down and place into her car when breakfast was over.

She and Gillian had reserved a private dining room to provide a buffet breakfast for the wedding party. She'd always intended to be down early to welcome everyone. Now, after the experience of applause following their dance the night before and with Kate appearing before everyone in yesterday's clothing, Caroline had no intention of being anything but among the first of the wedding party to appear. There would NOT be a floorshow as she and Kate entered with the rest of the family already seated.

Kate walked into the bedroom looking as lovely and fresh as she had when she arrived yesterday. Relieved for Kate's sake, Caroline pulled her into a tender embrace and told her so. Hand in hand, they walked to the door, Caroline picking up her keys and phone as she passed the dressing table, Kate already with her handbag on her shoulder.

**Breakfast**

In the corridor they met William and Laurence just leaving their room. William in his new grown up way, kissed his mother's cheek, then Kate's, greeting them with "Good Morning, Happy Christmas" as he did so. "I'm off to bring Roxy down, see you in the dining room." Passing his brother on the way back down the corridor, Will gave him an ungentle nudge, prompting Laurence to say "Morning Mum, Morning Kate" before starting for the stairs. "I'm starving, lets go." Caroline and Kate exchanged an indulgent smile and followed him, realizing that they too were hungry after all of the excitement of the last twelve hours.

Only Ted and Harry had arrived before them, first cups of tea in hand. Caroline was satisfied that her plans were on track so far. Ted had thoroughly enjoyed Kate's attention throughout dinner last night and stepped forward to greet her with an enthusiastic "Happy Christmas!" Caroline seeing Raff and Ellie enter with William and Roxy, nodded to the catering manager who had caught her eye with a silent inquiry about whether to bring in the hot food.

Kate had not missed this exchange, while appearing to be listening intently to Ted. And without seeming to, she watched Caroline turn, after giving her own hand a departing squeeze, to welcome the young people and urge them to begin with tea and fruit from the buffet. Kate marveled once again at the capacity of this remarkable woman to manage so much and care for so many people all the while making it appear so effortless.

The next of their party to arrive were Marta and her family. After greetings were exchanged, Caroline ushered this group before her and Kate to the buffet, now steaming with hearty breakfast fare. Ted insisted on going last and much to Caroline's amusement maneuvered herself ahead of Kate so that he could follow close behind his dinner partner of the night before.

Selections made, turning from the buffet Caroline and Kate were hailed by Marta, who had two seats for them at her table. Caroline had always enjoyed Marta. Her wit, every bit the equal to Celia, was kinder and much more open-minded. Marta kept them all laughing over stories of her children and mother.

Ted, who had been clearly disappointed at being separated from Kate, contented himself with a seat beside Laurence where he knew they could renew their ongoing discussion of sport. Raff &amp; William joined in freely while Ellie, Roxy and Susan took up their budding acquaintance at the other side of this large round table.

Spying Muriel as she entered with her family, Harry had lost no time squiring her through the buffet and arranging for her to sit beside him at a table with Gillian who had followed them at the serving table. Before long, Raff and Ellie, having gone back for second helpings, joined this group.

Celia and Alan were the last to arrive and enjoyed the attention and teasing they received as a result. By this time Marta and her husband had finished the light breakfast they had chosen, owing to the fact that they were expected at two separate Christmas feasts before the end of the day and for which they needed to get on the road. So they offered their seats to Celia and Alan after rising to hug and congratulate them one more time. They collected Muriel and Susan and with more hugging, kissing and hand shaking said their goodbyes.

Exacting promises from Marta to get together soon, Caroline walked them to the door of the hotel, thanking them for coming and wishing them safe travels for the day. On her way back to the dining room, she reflected on the fortuitous way that the seating plan and timing had worked together to prevent Muriel from getting any digs in to Celia about herself and Kate. Thanks largely to Marta's quickness, Muriel had not been allowed time for any comments last night either. About that time, she realized that she had left Kate alone at the table with her mother and only Alan as a buffer.

Quickening her steps she re-entered the dining room, to find that Ted had moved into her seat to chat with Kate and the newlyweds. Caroline relaxed as she took in the scenario this morning, watching her mother and Alan laughing and joining in the fun as Kate was obviously teasing Ted.

Pulling up a chair from the next table to place between her mother and Ted, she leaned over to give Celia a hug. "Happy Christmas, Mrs. Buttershaw." Looking at Caroline for a long moment, the smile not quite fading from her face as she scrutinized her daughter, Celia finally smiled again and said, "Happy Christmas, to you too, Caroline" as she found and squeezed Caroline's hand. By now, Gillian and Harry were pulling up chairs and joining in the general hilarity. Caroline, looking up, caught Kate's eye and they exchanged a happy smile.

Glancing at her watch, Gillian stood up saying, "Right, well if we are going to pick up Emily Jane from Ellie's mother and make it to the farm and back to Caroline's in time for dinner we had better get started. Caroline stood up too, calling her boys to take keys from the rest of the group and help carry bags to the various cars. This started everyone off to finish packing and on to reception.


	6. Chapter 6

**Driving to Harrogate**

In time, everyone's luggage was sorted, cars were packed with suitcases and wedding gifts were tucked into odd spaces as they would fit. Surprisingly quickly, it was organized who would be riding in which vehicles. Gillian, Raff and Ellie had already started for the farm, chores to perform in advance of being away again overnight. Alan and Celia set off alone in the Lexis. Ted had elected to ride in Caroline's Jeep, he'd had quite enough of bending and twisting himself into and out of his brother's low slung car if another option presented itself. With William at the wheel, Roxy beside him and Laurence joining Ted behind they headed for Conway Drive.

Waving them all off, Caroline got into the passenger seat of Kate's car with a deep sigh. She rested her head on the back of the seat for a moment before turning to look at Kate. There was much less space between the seats of this small car than in her Jeep and Caroline found to her surprise and delight that Kate's face was only inches away. Two sets of sparkling eyes feasted on the features of the other. Without conscious thought the two heads moved together, lips barely grazing at first, meeting again caressingly and once again with growing fervor. Feeling urgency rise, they remembered their setting and allowed lips to lose contact slowly, faces retreating only far enough for the moment to allow eyes to meet. Then smiles lighting mouths and crinkling eyes, they began fastening seat belts. Kate started the car and pulled out of the car park to follow the other vehicles in the caravan heading for Harrogate.

"So, you know your way here daylight and dark now" observed Caroline with a wry smile. "Sorry yet that you came back?"

Kate only gave her a reproachful smile.

"Not after hearing what my mother said? Not after the onslaught of the curious and prurient as soon as the music ended?"

"Caroline!" Then, reasonably, "They're your family, friends of your family, the wedding was ending, and they were only taking their leave. Surely."

"Maybe." With a shrug, "Probably. Most of them." Considering for a moment, "thing is, even in the ones who seemed to be nonchalant about meeting you, I detected a smirk lurking just beneath the surface. Do you think I imagined that? Just because… I'm me?" Concerned, "Am I reading more into it than is there?"

Ruefully, Kate responded, "In view of the fact that we _may_ have gotten a _little_ carried away on the dance floor, in our enthusiasm over being together again, I suspect we _may_ have deserved a smirk here or there. Even if we had been a straight couple… Do you…? Am I…?"

Turning her face to look into Kate's, Caroline stated emphatically "'Oh sod 'em, let 'em get on w' it,' to quote Gillian," laughing at herself for worrying. Then more quietly, looking into her lap, afraid to learn the answer, "Did I let you down last night? Were you disappointed in me? When everyone came trooping through at once?

"Oh, Caroline, no. You didn't let me down. You were wonderful. I was very proud of you. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you so then." It occurred to Kate, "Is that why you were trembling so last night?"

"I suppose in part, really it was everything, all together at once." Caroline looked through the windshield at the passing scenery embarrassed that she hadn't been able to handle herself with the aplomb that Kate apparently had. After a pause she asked, "Out of curiosity, what did _you_ envision would happen when you came back?

"I don't think I really thought beyond you and I. Your reaction to my coming back."

"Yes. That is where you have the advantage of me" said Caroline softly, looking out the window on her side of the car.

"Sorry?" asked Kate, not taking her meaning.

Shrugging and looking over at Kate, "You get to think about you and me while I have as many people as the cast of an American mini series to consider every step I take." This was stated softly, without heat, it was a fact.

Humbly Kate said, "I know, it is one of the things I realized while we were apart. I was just thinking about it this morning as a matter of fact. Sometimes you must feel like a tightrope walker who has to juggle an assortment of crockery as well. I mean between your boys, your Mum, John, the school and then me inserting myself, upsetting the delicate balance." Stopping Caroline with a raised hand as she was about to interrupt, "I didn't always give you credit for the amazing job you did – do, managing all of the roles you are responsible for, all of the people you are responsible for. It really is one of the things I admire in you. I think I took that for granted without realizing the skill and grace it required."

The wind fully taken out of her sails and abashed by this admiration, Caroline said tenderly, "You never inserted yourself, I invited you." Her voice softening. "Now you're indispensible you know. I hope you never have reason to feel otherwise." Concern making her voice stern, "You will tell me, won't you? You must tell me before it is too late if I'm getting it wrong again."

Kate, raising the back of her fingers to Caroline's cheek to take any possible sting from the words said meekly, "Yes, Dr. Elliot" with a cheeky smile. Glad that they had reached a straight portion of road Kate went on quietly, glancing at Caroline often. "As I told you last night, I never could put you out of my mind. One day as I was going over it all, yet again, all that had happened between us in the short time we were together, it occurred to me that you were like the sun, your own solar system."

Taking her eyes from the road long enough to steal a glance at Caroline, Kate saw a look that said this was the last thing that Caroline had expected to hear. Chuckling at this bewildered expression, then sobering quickly at the consternation her laugh had brought to the beloved face, "No really Caroline, without you everything goes to chaos, just like the planets need the magnetism of the sun to continue on their course."

Seeing Caroline shake her head refuting the truth of this Kate continued. "First there are the boys each on their own orbit around you just as they should be. Then your mother, for so long you are all that she has had." Seeing Caroline's surprise, Kate said as an aside, "she told me about it that night she came and asked me to come back to you." Going on, "Of course, now she has Alan but that only brings another planet into the solar system, with his poor health and the fact that they live in your house. Another person to care for."

"And Alan brings Gillian, Raff, then Ellie, now a baby." Seeing Caroline about to protest again, Kate stopped her once more. "You know that if any one of them needed you, you'd be there in a flash. Never once stopping to think what impact this would have on the whole solar system, you'd just find some way, sheer willpower if necessary to rebalance it all." Looking at Caroline Kate saw her chagrin, admitting the truth of the statement.

We haven't even begun on the school, where you deal with the personalities, opinions and demands of the board of governors, schools inspectors, deputy heads, teachers, staff and students. Even when you are not dealing with them directly they are a responsibility that you carry 24/7, thinking, planning, dreaming for everyone's welfare." Kate said softly, apologetically, "It dawned on me then, everything that you already managed on a daily basis, manage so well that even those of us closest to you take the smooth flow of it all so for granted that we don't realize what it costs you."

Now Caroline was totally embarrassed at having been so thoroughly described to herself. Opening her mouth to speak, found that she couldn't think of a thing to say.

Kate went on sadly, with remorse, "Then you have John and I tag teaming you with deceit and betrayal alternating with claims of love and devotion which do nothing but drain and deplete you into depression." Too upset to continue driving, Kate pulled off into a convenient lay by. Putting the car into park, she turned to face Caroline. Overcome by guilt and sorrow at the contributions she had made to Caroline's burdens, tears coursed down her cheeks and onto her coat.

Caroline stunned to know how clearly Kate now realized the position that she had been in still couldn't find any words to say, so she put her arms around Kate as best she could with them both cramped into their seats and kissed away the tears. "Its over now," she said briefly, hoping against hope that this were true. Finally, finding a packet of tissues in the console compartment, Caroline blotted the last traces of dampness carefully from cheeks so beautiful in the morning sun.

Looking levelly into liquid brown eyes she said firmly, "We've promised to do better and we will." With a quick kiss on the still downturned lips, Caroline briskly returned the packet to its home and reached back to reattach her seat belt, saying with a teasing grin, "good thing we are at the back of the caravan or we'd have Ted pulling up behind us to see if you are OK." This at last brought a smile to Kate's face. Knowing only how true it was, she made no comment but put the car into gear and watching for traffic took them once more on their way.

The remainder of the drive was spent reviewing plans for Christmas. After a stop at Kate's so that she could dress for the day they would move on to Kate's mother's house. Kate and her Mum would drop Caroline at home then visit Kate's Dad and go on to a family dinner. Kate thought that she could be back to Caroline's by 6:30 or so. If her mother were not yet ready to leave the family gathering, one of the cousins would gladly take her home when they left.

Caroline shared her revised schedule for serving Christmas dinner and the program for the day on Conway Drive. Dessert would likely not be called for before Kate's planned arrival time, so she could join them for this. Caroline was pleased when Kate confirmed that she would bring an overnight bag to spend Christmas night with her.

On Boxing Day, Caroline briefed, she was providing brunch for the house party before the Greenwoods had to return to the farm. She had no idea what the elders were doing with themselves beyond brunch but had heard remarks which lead her to believe that Celia and Alan were planning a series of day trips around the area in the next week to show Ted the changes since his immigration and what still remained of the places he knew as a boy.

William and Roxy were catching the noon train tomorrow for Liverpool to spend the weekend with her family since she had been with the Elliot's over Christmas. Laurence, of course, was off to Manchester on the team bus at 1:30pm for the rugby tournament and would not return until Sunday at about the same time.

This left Thursday evening through Sunday noon free for Caroline to do as she pleased. This she offered to Kate freely, unless she had plans already laid. Kate looked at her with awe. There had never before been such a wealth of time for them to spend together. Kate admitted that outside of some marking she had left for the break, she had no specific plans. The two women gazed in wonder at one another, delighted at the prospect of so much uninterrupted time.

Caroline, ever practical knowing her mother as she did, asked Kate if they could spend this time at her house. Kate only too well aware of the bus terminal status of arrivals and departures by all and sundry at Caroline's house, was happy to agree. Well pleased with these plans, the two found that they could not stop turning to look at one another to smile as the car moved through the streets of Harrogate.


	7. Chapter 7

****DESIGNING THE FUTURE ****

****7 **Christmas Commitments / Mrs. McKenzie**

As Kate pulled to the curb and put the car into park, Caroline released her seat belt, exiting the car quickly to get to the other side to offer an assisting hand to Kate. Touched, but somewhat self conscious about this attention from Caroline, Kate allowed her arm to be taken as she stepped up onto the curb before firmly moving the solicitous hand into her own saying with an indulgent smile, "Caroline, I am only pregnant, not infirm. " Seeing the fallen look on Caroline's face she hastened to add, "I must say, you do make me feel very special."

"You are very special," beamed Caroline giving her hand a squeeze as they walked up the path.

Once inside the door, Caroline turned to face Kate. Placing her fingers on either side of the face before her, Caroline tenderly kissed Kate. Hands on one another's waists, the baby bump keeping them the perfect distance apart to gaze lovingly into one another eyes, they stood together, enjoying this peaceful moment. It felt so good to be together again after so much time apart but the coldness and the misunderstanding was so recent that being together was also still a little scary. It still felt so tentative. Caroline was afraid every time she was parted from Kate that maybe she wouldn't return or if she did she might have changed her mind. Still when they were together as they were now, her heart swelled with joy.

Finally, the baby decided to go into an enormous stretch, seemingly moving in all directions at once and felt by them both standing stomach to stomach as they were, both women began to laugh releasing one another.

Kate glanced back as she rounded the curve of the stairs to see Caroline in silhouette against the sunlight pouring through the window. The sight of this shapely figure with the white gold hair and the admiring blue eyes on her arrested Kate's progress. Finding her mouth filling with water, she swallowed and resolutely continued up the stairs saying softly, "I won't be long."

Once Kate was out of sight and she heard the bedroom door close Caroline took a deep breath. She couldn't help but wonder at herself and the bold way she was following her heart. Logically, it made no sense for her to accept Kate back into her life with no more chance for discussion than they'd had so far. But there was a knowingness inside her that would allow her to do nothing else. She had to follow this intuition, surely she couldn't be more miserable than she had been these last six months.

Thinking of the effect of her misery upon her family she pulled the mobile from her purse to call her house. Laurence answered, "Mum! When are you getting home, presents are waiting you know." Unable to keep the happy laugh from her voice she replied, "Yes, I know Laurence. Then remembering the plan, "I thought you were meeting your Dad when you got back. Did you call him?"

Unenthusiastically, Laurence replied, "Yeah, William did, we're leaving as soon as he puts the turkey into the oven like you asked."

Caroline, trying to sound reassuring "It will be fine once you get there. It will mean a lot to your Dad."

"Yeah, if they're not piss…"

Ignoring this Caroline went on, "Don't forget to take the things you bought for your Dad and Judith from under the tree. Kate and I are going over to see her Mum for a while. I'll likely get home about the same time as you." Receiving no response but knowing there was nothing she could do to improve the situation, Caroline said, "OK, see you when we get home. Bye." Hearing a mumbled, "Bye." Caroline repeated, "Bye, Bye." Looking unseeingly into the distance and reflecting sadly for a moment on the Christmas scene in store for her boys she wished for the millionth time that she could prevent such things from touching them.

Knowing full well that this was impossible Caroline rang her mother's number. "Hi Mum. Drive home go OK?

"Yes, yes, Ted's just arrived through the back door. We are going to unpack and then put our feet up until you get home and the boys are ready to open their packages. Let me know when you've arrived won't you?"

"Sure Mum. Glad you got home safely. See you later."

By this time Kate could be heard descending the stairs. Caroline having been roaming through the rooms as she talked returned to where she could catch sight of Kate the soonest. Lovely in a red velvet dress Kate saw the appreciation in Caroline's face as it tracked her progress down the last few stairs. Taking the overnight bag from Kate she was unable to resist the urge to put her free arm around this woman who held so much appeal for her and pull her close. Neither of them seemed able to drink in enough of the other today. Kate had forgotten to breath again, watching the magnificence that radiated from Caroline, and caught another quick breath as she was drawn in by the loving arm. Once again it was the baby protesting against all of this squeezing into her space that brought them back to realization of time passing. After helping Kate with her coat, Caroline passed through the door first, allowing Kate to lock it as she followed behind.

Caroline walked down the path ahead of Kate to open the car door for her. The sun having come out and the day being warmer than expected, Caroline had chosen not to pull her coat from the back seat and put it on for the short walk to the house. For the first time today, Kate had opportunity to watch Caroline while being unobserved. The dark green knit dress with the matching sweater coat trimmed smartly in red, clinging to Caroline in all the right places was bewitching enough but watching those mesmerizing hips sway tantalizingly, had Kate wishing she could pull Caroline back into the house and forget all of their well laid plans for the day.

Caroline turning at the car to look back for Kate caught the open mouthed look of lust on Kate's face before she could close her mouth and recover. Caroline pleased that she still held appeal for her long estranged lover couldn't help teasing. Opening her eyes wide, raising her eyebrows up under her fringe, to let Kate know that she had been caught, she tilted her head prettily and held the car door open.

Kate embarrassed at having been caught fully in the act of ogling Caroline, began to blush. Caroline well aware of the signs of a blush on this dark skinned woman couldn't suppress a grin. Kate realizing that her blush had been noticed as well as the ogling simply got into the car as quickly as possible to escape the mocking eyes so amused at her expense.

Caroline, deciding that she would continue the joke, started around the front of the car in her most provocative style. Given that Caroline had no idea of the effect she regularly had on people around her in her everyday persona, had even less idea that the sight of her being deliberately provocative, might be truly overwhelming to observers. Busy peeking through the windshield to see Kate's reaction, Caroline was unaware of the car approaching from the other direction, it's occupants having an unobstructed view of this striking woman in all of her magnificence until she heard the catcalls and wolf whistles of two boys slowly cruising past, windows down to communicate fully their appreciation of this glorious show.

Surprise registered on Caroline's face, then seeing that her admirers were unknown to her and that they continued to roll past, decided to go with the moment. She rounded the street side fender of Kate's car and gave them a classic sex symbol pose, one hand on a hip, the other behind her head, until the car disappeared around the corner. Then hearing a car door slam not far away, thought for the first time of Kate's neighbors and climbed quickly into the car with Kate.

Turning her now, appalled at herself, face to Kate and meeting her eyes, both women burst into laughter. Caroline laughing even harder than she and Gillian had done that day at the hotel when they realized the hotel staff had thought the two of _them_ were getting married. Each time Caroline and Kate began to wind down they would catch one another's eye and shriek uncontrollably again. At last Kate calmed enough to wipe the tears from her eyes and start the car to begin the drive to her mother's.

Caroline, still breaking out in embarrassed giggles from time to time and unable to speak without breaking up, occupied herself in the visor mirror dabbing at her eyes to preserve her make up as much as possible. Thinking with some satisfaction over this episode, that she must not be as completely past it as John would have her believe with his characterization of her as a flaccid overripe fruit of a woman.

Suddenly she realized that in just a few minutes she would be meeting Kate's mother again for the first time in many months. This thought sobered her immediately and she turned a stricken face to Kate. Seeing this sudden change in Caroline, Kate asked with concern, "What?"

"Your mother! What have you told her about me? About us?" The normally unflappable Caroline Elliot was once again panicked. "Stop the car. Pull over now," she commanded. Why hadn't she thought of this before? This was also very unlike her and only added to her panic. "So, what have you said to your Mum? About me? About us?" worried Caroline. "What am I about to walk into here?"

Having parked at the curb near a park, Kate said with a reproving expression, "Caroline, you don't think I would have asked you to do this today if I thought it were going to be difficult for you? Well, no more difficult than last night. Seeing this had done nothing to reassure Caroline, "Early on I didn't actually say too much, just that I was seeing you and inevitably she knew I was seeing quite a lot of you since I wasn't over at hers nearly as much. Later, after… " Kate looked away briefly.

"Well, I couldn't say much without coming face to face with my own responsibility in the matter and it didn't seem necessary to go into it too far. Of course, my mother is not daft, when I turned up pregnant and you out of the picture I'm sure it didn't take too much imagination for her to come to conclusions that weren't far from the truth," Kate finished with a rueful look.

Caroline, saying nothing simply nodded, took Kate's hand and kissed it before holding it for a long moment against her cheek in understanding. Blue eyes met brown as they both once again acknowledged to one another the seriousness of the issues still to be discussed. Determinedly, they started off again, to greet another person who would loom large in the joint life they were embarking upon.

Caroline, thinking past the visit to Mrs. McKenzie now, of all that was before her until she would see Kate again, thought all at once to wonder if Kate would get a chance to rest today, in light of the plans she had outlined earlier and asked the question.

"Oh yes, Mum and I agreed that while she is reading to Dad today, I'll stretch out on the sofa in his room. It really is nice there. He loves to hear Mum read and it calms him, so I'll get a nice rest. Mum is as concerned about me as you are," assured Kate. "It wasn't easy on her either when I lost the babies. I don't like to think…" began Kate before stopping herself.

Caroline started in briskly, "No, we don't want to go there, not today." Then firmly, making eye contact, "promise me that you _will_ take a good rest today." Following Kate's assurance, Caroline said, "text me?"

"Of course," smiled Kate, "if you like," as she pulled to the curb in front of her family home.

"I like" said Caroline leaning into kissing range, waiting for Kate to bring her lips to Caroline's as she knew Kate liked to do. Gentle kisses once again running into one another, warm lips and touching tongues communicating their desire, promising more and better things to come.

**Mrs. McKenzie**

Caroline managed to get to the other side of the car in time to assist Kate just as the front door was opened. They were met by Mrs. McKenzie's smiling appraisal of the couple before her. Having caught the loving look just exchanged by her daughter and this stunning blonde woman, she was in little doubt about the news Kate had called to say she wanted to share with her.

Kate aware of her mother's astuteness said only, "Mum, Happy Christmas! You remember Caroline."

Hugging her daughter Mrs. McKenzie felt the excitement humming through her and wondered with some apprehension how this would affect Kate and the pregnancy that seemed so precarious given the babies lost when she was a younger woman. She ushered them into the sitting room at the front of the house, offering them tea.

Kate aware of the tight timeline for the day declined for them both and asked her Mum to sit down. Mrs. McKenzie, a slender woman with elegant bearing in her late sixties, dressed smartly for the day, seated herself in her favorite chair while Kate and Caroline sat side by side on the sofa.

Kate, seeing her Mother's worry, began earnestly, "Mum, Caroline and I have reconciled." Taking Caroline's hand into her lap, "Last night. It's all very new, of course, but we're moving forward as a couple. Caroline has agreed to raise the baby with me." Looking into Caroline's face for confirmation of what she had told her Mum, she found the reassurance that she needed and watched as Caroline turned to verify this to Mrs. McKenzie.

Caroline met the eyes of the older woman, "We've found through this separation that instead of fading, our love became stronger. Obviously, we have a lot to talk through yet, many plans to lay, but I want you to know that I am committed to Kate and to the child she carries." Pausing to read the older woman's face, Caroline saw relief still tinged with doubt. Turning back to Kate, she continued, "We plan to spend the next several days together, the two of us, to talk and plan for the future." Facing Kate's Mum, conscious of all that would be on this mother heart, "I know this comes as a surprise to you and our time is so short today, will you have dinner with us on Friday evening?" Glancing back at Kate and seeing her smile of approval, "We'll all have had more of a chance to grow accustomed to this change and we can talk more then. Are you free on Friday?"

Mrs. McKenzie, somewhat reassured by Caroline's confident manner and Kate's look of admiration and love for this woman that she herself still knew so little about, but instinctively respected, replied, "Yes, of course."

The mantle clock chimed the hour which set them all in motion once again. Mrs. McKenzie gathering her things while Kate and Caroline carried to the car shopping bags of gifts, a cake and a casserole dish prepared to share at the family dinner. On the way to Conway Drive, they made plans for the promised dinner on Friday.


	8. Chapter 8

**DESIGNING THE FUTURE**

**8 Christmas on Conway Drive**

From the kitchen, Caroline heard the front bell, then William in the hall opening the door for Gillian, Raff, Ellie and the baby. Heard their greetings and jokes about all of the paraphernalia required by Emily Jane to make an overnight stay. Caroline appeared at the door to the kitchen. "Hiiee" she smiled welcoming Gillian who was following William up the stairs, loaded with her overnight bag plus a large carryall covered in pastel figures, obviously belonging to Calamity.

"Sorry there's only one guest room, I have William and Laurence doubling up in Laurence's room so Roxy can take William's. There are twin beds in there. Roxy can have one and one for you. I thought that with the baby, maybe it would be best to let Raff and Ellie have the guest room. Sorry," Caroline grinned sheepishly.

"Anyplace will do for me. I don't think you've ever slept anywhere but on the settee at mine, come to think of it" shrugged Gillian with a grin from the turn of the stairway. Raff carried another load up behind his mother while Ellie, handing the baby to Alan, began to remove Emily Jane's snowsuit. As the group above stairs came trooping down, Caroline announced, "dinner will be in about an hour. William and Roxy, will you see that everyone gets something to drink?"

All at once the house that Laurence and Caroline had been rattling around in through the autumn seemed to become a very different place. A round of laughter for one of Ted's stories from the table at the foot of the kitchen, the sounds of video games and young men urging one another on from the sitting room, the baby crowing &amp; gurgling in Gillian's arms as she sat on one of the island stools and over all the smell of a turkey getting itself done in the oven made the house seem like the home it hadn't felt like in longer than Caroline cared to remember. Not boring any longer.

The meal itself was a feast, with all of the dishes Caroline had prepared to accompany the turkey as well as favorite dishes of Gillian's family that she had brought. Finally all of the mealtime festivities complete, the elders, feeling the effects of the excitement of a wedding one day and Christmas the next, departed for Celia and Alan's flat for some quiet, and perhaps a nap before returning later for dessert. The young people, endlessly fascinated by X-Box gathered in the sitting room leaving Caroline and Gillian in the kitchen with the lion's share of the clearing up to do.

They hadn't expected anything else and were content to chat as they worked in Caroline's kitchen. Gillian gathering dishes and loading the dishwasher, Caroline packing away the leftovers, making sandwiches for the inevitable hunger of the youngsters later in the evening and combining ingredients into a soup pot to serve at the Boxing Day brunch for everyone before they started off to their various destinations in the afternoon.

This being almost the first moment of peace when either woman had had a chance to think her own thoughts after the last 24 hours of life altering events for each of them, they were both quiet. Hands busy at routine tasks, minds free to begin processing recent developments.

Each was so preoccupied with her own thoughts that neither realized they had been working companionably together in silence for quite a while until a loud outburst of cheering and boos erupted from the sitting room causing them to look up and exchange a smile at the good times their children where having together.

"Thanks for inviting us to be here today Caroline. It would have been a very quiet day for us, home alone after the excitement of the wedding and all. Everything has been wonderful. You have such a lovely home," nodding at the modern kitchen, a stark contrast to her own.

"Oh," Caroline waved away the thanks. "I wasn't really looking forward to today. Wondered, in fact, how I was going to make Christmas festive for the boys given…" Caroline allowed her words to trail off realizing what she was saying about herself, not that Gillian didn't already know this.

"Given how difficult you were still finding it to deal with life after Kate." Supplied Gillian gently.

Looking at Gillian briefly, head tilted and giving a small nod and a sad little smile, grateful for the understanding without having had to say the words.

Gillian, always the one most likely to say whatever came to mind, "And now that Kate came back last night?"

Caroline looked up then, studying the face of this woman with whom she had begun a friendship after the day, and fateful night, when the two of them had gone to find a venue for their parents wedding. The peals of laughter shared at the misunderstanding of their relationship by the hotel staff, followed by an evening of confidences had formed a bond between them. Since then, they had talked on the phone, met several times to continue the wedding preparations and there had been a few family gatherings, Raff's birthday at the farm, or an impromptu supper when Gillian came to visit Alan &amp; Celia. Still, Caroline wasn't sure how far to trust Gillian. She had a habit of speaking and acting without forethought.

Her eyebrows disappearing into her fringe, Caroline made a wry face, "obviously I _am_ happy that she came back. We did talk a little last night," pausing to remember. Then continuing, "there are conversations to be had before everything is sorted, but I think… I think, I _hope_ we can… Caroline stopped never having put her hopes for her future with Kate into actual words before. Did she want to share this with Gillian yet? It felt so uncertain in a way. Still, she had once promised Kate that she wouldn't be a coward about them again. "I think we can build the foundation for a family, my boys and Kate's child."

Gillian, for once considering her response before speaking, knowing how important this was to Caroline and how difficult it had been for her to say out loud. Also, not wanting to jeopardize their newfound friendship for more reasons than one, said "I'm happy for you Caroline. Happy for both of you. Kate will be lucky to have you." Looking into Caroline's eyes, "I've come to know what a good friend you are Caroline. _I_ feel lucky to have you as a friend." Then worried, "we are friends aren't we? It isn't just the family connection is it?"

Caroline placed the last sandwich in the plastic container and resting her hands on the island, assured her, "we are friends. I do value your friendship Gillian. One way and another I don't seem to have many friends. It's meant a lot to me these last months to know that you were in my corner." Exchanging genuine smiles of appreciation for one another, both women went back to the tasks at hand.

"Will Kate be joining us here today?" asked Gillian hoping she was not crossing a line with Caroline.

Yes, she had some family commitments of her own. She and her Mum were going to visit Kate's Dad at the home where he lives. He has Alzheimer's, she explained. Then on to a family gathering this afternoon. She should be here around 6:30. I…" then going on bravely, "I've invited her to spend the night."

At this Gillian's head came up, she looked at Caroline. Feeling Gillian's gaze upon her Caroline met her eyes, spine straight, shoulders down, chin forward. Daring Gillian to make an inappropriate comment, her voice demanding, "Whot?"

Putting an overly innocent look upon her face Gillian responded "Me? Nothing. Nothing at all." Wondering to herself about what Celia's reaction might be to this development but unwilling to bring it up with Caroline, Gillian returned to wiping down all the newly cleared spaces on the countertops.

Feeling that she had been the topic of conversation long enough Caroline said, "So, you and Robbie?"

Gillian felt her face going hot. She had broken a promise to Caroline last night by asking Robbie to dance. Another impulsive gesture on her part now had her life spinning out of control, yet again. As a result of that dance, Robbie had broken off with Cheryl, driven her home and returned to the hotel to spend the night with Gillian. Even though Robbie hadn't breakfasted with the wedding party due to his back to back shifts today at the police station, Caroline had spotted their farewell in the hotel lobby as she came down early to breakfast with Kate.

Gillian, unsure yet how she felt about this reunion with Robbie in light of her history with his brother, yet so irresistibly drawn to him, had no idea what to say to Caroline. Finally turning her embarrassed face to her stepsister and friend she simply threw her hands up in a gesture of defeat. Hoping for some sign of sympathy at her predicament she scrutinized Caroline's face. What she found on her friend's expressive face was consternation, resignation and disapproval tinged with compassion. Speechless at the enormity of the implications for this relationship Caroline said only, "Gillian" in the tone one would use to an exasperating yet beloved toddler.

At this point the youngsters began straggling into the kitchen to replenish their beverages and time for personal conversation ended abruptly.

Shortly Alan, Celia and Ted returned to the group. Too keyed up with excitement to do more than doze and enjoy a period of quiet they began wondering what the rest of the family were getting up to. Not wishing to miss this happy family day they made the short trip through the garden into Caroline's back door. Finding Caroline, Gillian, Ellie and Roxy on stools at the kitchen island, the men fixed themselves fresh drinks and followed the boy's voices to the sitting room. Celia finding a cup of tea and an empty stool joined the women.

"Hi Celia" said Gillian, "we were just having a post mortem on the wedding. You and Dad were so lovely. Did you have a good time?"

"Oh, we had the best time. Thank you, Gillian and thank you, Caroline for putting on such a lovely do. We will never forget it." Celia's warm genuine smile included both of them. "Did you girls have a good time yesterday?," she said to the younger women." Conversation then turned to the guests and bringing Roxy and Ellie into the picture regarding the families on both sides and rehashing the events of the momentous day. Eventually, Gillian went upstairs to see to Emily Jane as she was waking from her nap. Seeing the two girls engaged in conversation. Caroline seized this opportunity to take Celia into her study.

At the pace of events, Caroline and her Mum had had no chance for talk at all. Caroline was apprehensive about her mother's reaction to Kate's arrival this evening, now not far off and felt the best plan would be to give her a chance to air her feelings to Caroline privately rather than be presented with another fait accompli in front of the whole family.

Caroline knowing that interruptions were likely to occur at any moment began as soon as they were both seated started by saying, "Mum, I know you haven't been very happy over my relationship with Kate…"

"Caroline," interrupted Celia, "I do love you, you know. I'm not blind. I've seen how deeply unhappy you have been since your relationship with Kate broke down. I know first hand what living with that kind of unhappiness can do to a woman." Putting a hand on Caroline's she continued in a softer tone, "I don't want that for you. Do you think I like seeing you lonely and miserable?"

After a short pause, seeing the tears forming in Caroline's eyes, Celia continued, "This isn't the life I would have chosen for you. But you are a grown woman. You've been making life decisions for a long time now. I refrained from trying to influence you in your marriage to John," Caroline could hardly contain her incredulity at her mother's interpretation of her involvement in Caroline's marriage and put a tight control on her face, still hardly able to keep the shock out of her expression. While Celia continued, "given the farce of a marriage your father and I had. So, I think I should follow that same pattern in regard to your relationship with Kate."

Holding up her hands, "I can't promise to never offer my opinions but I will try harder to keep them to myself whenever… Well you know me, I can't keep completely silent. I _will_ do my best." Then ruefully, "I suspect Alan will be doing his part to keep me on the straight and narrow."

Caroline squeezed her mother's hands and smiling said, "I am relieved to hear you say this. I know it won't all be plain sailing but to know that you will _try_ means a lot to me. It will mean a lot to Kate too. I was afraid after hearing your comment on the dance floor that things might get rocky between us again."

"Oh, you _did_ hear that did you? I can't say I was happy to see your reunion taking place in public, no matter your… your orientation," faltered Celia, seeing the look on Caroline's face. Right, well, as I say I will try to be more circumspect." Seeing Caroline's expression relax somewhat, she asked, "have you worked things out then?"

Caroline, looking down for a moment then once again met her mother's eye and said, "Obviously, we haven't had time to talk everything through but based on preliminary conversation I think we will be able to…" Breaking off to consider exactly what to share with her mother, Caroline again reminded herself of her promise to Kate to be brave. "After we talk through everything that went wrong between us, I hope we can create a foundation to form a new family. Kate and I and the baby, along with the boys. I may as well be honest with you right now. That is my goal," Caroline said, her face challenging her mother to try to talk her out of it.

Celia, resignation on her face, replied, "you must do what you think is best." Then after a moment's reflection, "The baby. You didn't tell me about that, did you?" Celia accused. "Is that what went wrong between you?"

"Among other things," Caroline evaded knowing there wasn't time to get into this now. Accepting that her mother was not jumping for joy over Kate's return but gratified that she at least was willing to be tolerant Caroline rose from her chair saying, "there is just one more thing. Kate will be arriving shortly. I've invited her to spend the night."

Celia began, "With the whole house full of…" then broke off with a shrug remembering her promise just seconds ago. "You'll know best," she offered doubtfully as she opened the door to return to the kitchen and the rest of the family. Caroline followed, her expression changing from reproach at the beginning of her mother's sentence, to repressed amusement at the finish. Clearly her Mum was not convinced, but a start had been made to keeping Celia's attitudes from being too burdensome on the renewal of her relationship with Kate.

Kate arrived as promised between 6:30 and 7:00. After being warmly welcomed by all, especially Ted, everyone agreed that they thought they could find room for dessert now that their dinner had settled.

Kate finding it difficult to free herself from Ted's attentions as Caroline and Gillian started for the kitchen to set out the desserts looked her apologies at Caroline only to find the later grinning a silent 'I told you so' and waving her to never mind before rounding the corner.

In the kitchen, William and Roxy having also arrived to assist with the next round of feasting began emptying the dishwasher and gathering empty glasses and snack plates from around the house to begin reloading it. Caroline and Gillian were setting out the delicacies each had baked for this day. While both William and Roxy were occupied and unobserving, Gillian could not resist jibbing Caroline by elbowing her and mouthing 'baby' with eyes wide open and a smirk on her lips. Caroline smiled sheepishly, rolled her eyes, shrugged her shoulders and continued to cut the chocolate cake she had baked. Almost immediately she went to the door of the kitchen to call in the group from the sitting room so she would not to have to look at Gillian's grinning face again.

Xbox having finally palled, even upon the younger set, everyone remained in the kitchen at the table or on stools around the island, again discussing facets of the still interesting wedding happenings of the day before with the larger group. Kate, having separated herself from Ted who was now at the table below with Laurence and Raff, had seated herself at the counter where she saved a stool for Caroline who had stood assisting with the dessert until everyone was served. Content to be sitting this close to one another, brushing shoulders as they watched the happy family group, occasionally joining in to add to the conversation but mainly just enjoying the moment.

As they finished their dessert, Kate had taken Caroline's hand into her lap under cover of the counter and their position at the end near the window. Stroking it caressingly with soft fingers. The sensuousness of this ran through Caroline's body like a current. It took deliberate concentration to follow the thread of the general conversation as this continued. In time two of Kate's fingers began rubbing insistently and suggestively against her palm. About that time her mother's piping voice broke in sharply, "Caroline?" Seeing incomprehension on the face of her daughter she repeated impatiently, "Where did Marta say Susan was going to university next fall?" Caroline swallowed hard before supplying the answer and once her mother's sharp gaze turned back to the others, moved her hand to take Kate's and firmly press it onto her leg so she would have no chance to repeat this performance. Stealing a glance at Kate's face she saw the smug look there and pressed even more firmly on the hand beneath hers.

At last the elders once again feeling fatigued, said their good nights. There was hugging and kissing all around until they would see one another again at Caroline's brunch the next morning. Raff and Ellie went upstairs to settle Emily Jane for the night, promising to return shortly to view a movie the younger set had agreed to watch together before retiring.

William, Laurence and Roxy once again pitched in to follow directions from Caroline for putting the rooms to rights and making preparations for tomorrow's brunch. Gillian and Caroline stored away food and completed the refill of the dishwasher, not allowing Kate to help at all, both agreeing that as a pregnant woman she should simply rest. Surely the activities of the last two days would have been tiring enough for her.

Once the movie group was settled in the sitting room with Gillian who had elected to join them, Caroline and Kate said their good nights and started up the stairs. Caroline carrying Kate's overnight bag and supporting her lower back with her other hand.

**Alone Again**

Caroline closing the bedroom door and leaned back against it exhaling deeply. After taking in the sight of Kate moving up the stairs, she found herself with strong feelings of desire.

Kate turning to look at Caroline, recognized an expression much like the one where Kate had once found herself pinned against the office door by the full length of Caroline's urgent body. Kate wasn't sure she was up to a repeat of that experience tonight. Bone weariness had set in as she climbed the stairs. The emotions and angst of the last two days, actually the whole week since Celia had called her, were taking their toll on her very pregnant body.

After Celia's cordial invitation to stay for the do following the wedding Kate had found that she could no longer banish thoughts of Caroline from her mind. She wondered at herself that she had agreed to play the piano for this wedding. How could she have let herself in for this after all of the weeks, months, she had so carefully shunned Caroline? Unbelievable.

Of course, she knew that Caroline showing up at the hospital the day of her big scare had broken through the wall of defense she had so carefully built around herself. The force field emanating from this compelling woman had breached that wall as if it had been made of playing cards. Kate had been taken by surprise at how easy it had been for Caroline to affect her so incredibly after all of the energy she had put into resisting the magnetic pull she felt for Caroline.

After the curt 'No. Thank you' Caroline had received weeks before when she'd humbled herself to ask Kate for another chance, she'd gone and done this. Dropped whatever had been on her schedule for the afternoon to race to the hospital to be with her. The sheer magnanimity of it had embarrassed Kate.

Little that Caroline said or did was without import. Kate knew that Caroline's appearance at the hospital spoke volumes about the degree of her feelings for Kate. Who knew Caroline better than she did? She hadn't been the listening ear to Caroline during the months of her break down with John for nothing. Kate had learned so much more than had ever been said by this complex woman with such a consistent personality.

All last week after Celia's call, their whole affair had been replaying itself in her mind, over and over, round and round. Unable to keep from facing her own fundamental role in the break down and owning up to her sins against Caroline she knew that her guilt would never be relieved until she could talk this out with Caroline. But talking with Caroline could never happen now unless she approached her to begin the conversation. She had rebuffed so many attempts by Caroline to begin again. Kate knew full well Caroline's pride and innate self respect would make it unlikely that she would ask Kate for another chance. Not after Kate had dropped her hand like a hot potato in the exam room, not after the dismissive 'thanks' on the sidewalk of the hospital as she walked away from Caroline yet again to go to her car.

Caroline, watching Kate apparently lost in thought, saw only tiredness and immediately crossed over, concern on her face. She placed the overnight bag on the foot of the bed where it would be easy for Kate to reach. Turning to Kate, Caroline pressed her gently onto the edge of the bed. Kneeling, she bent and removed the shoes from Kate's swollen feet. From her kneeling position, sitting on her heels, Caroline smiled gently into Kate's tired face, saying softly, "lets get some rest, shall we?"

Kate nodded, unable to take her eyes from the upturned loveliness of the countenance before her. The makeup applied so carefully this morning, now worn to the point where the underlying freckles were charmingly visible, made Caroline look younger than her 46 years. The back of Kate's fingers found their way caressingly to Caroline's cheek. Caroline closed her eyes and pressed her face against these fingers she had so often longed to feel there again. Leaning in and placing her hands on either side of Kate's stomach, Caroline lightly rested her head against the baby bump. Kissing it, then looking up to find Kate's face surprisingly close, lips so long estranged found one another as if for the first time. The kisses were brief, almost timid at first. Gradually, as they deepened, Caroline straightened to her full kneeling height to gain a better position for conveying her ardor. Finally, cheeks again pressed together instead of lips, both women panting, Caroline whispered regretfully into Kate's ear, "this won't get you the rest you need.

Rising, she opened Kate's bag with a meaningful glance at Kate and went around the bed to begin turning it down, saying, "pillows seem to be at a premium around here tonight, you may need to use me as a back pillow."

"It seemed to work fine last night," leered Kate catching Caroline's eye as she came back to this side of the bed.

"Hmmm" smiled Caroline moving out of reach of Kate's outreached hand. "Bathroom first or will you change first?" she asked.

While Kate changed, Caroline took her turn in the bathroom, emerging in her pajamas. With a houseful of guests, Caroline had no wish to find herself scantily clad in the event of a middle of the night emergency. While Kate took her turn in the bathroom, Caroline found a cushion the right size for Kate to place between her knees to relieve the strain of sleeping on her side, and put it on the side of the bed closest to the loo before going around to get in on the other side.

"You are very thoughtful" smiled Kate returning to climb into the bed with Caroline.

"I remember very well this stage of pregnancy," replied Caroline watching Kate settle next to her. Allowing herself one more kiss for the night Caroline gently but firmly pushed Kate over onto her side, knowing her preferred sleep position and wedged herself against Kate's back to provide the promised support, saying, "pregnant women need plenty of sleep." Then mischievously, " especially at 42." Receiving a jab of the elbow and an indignant "Hey" from Kate, Caroline laughed out loud at having successfully broken the sexual tension between them enough so they could fall asleep tonight. Kate wasn't the only one exhausted from the emotions of the last two days.


	9. Chapter 9

**9 Boxing Day - Brunch**

This morning it was Kate who woke first, her full bladder having roused her quite early. Only because it was so early and Caroline was sleeping deeply, Kate was able to slip away and return to the bed without wakening her beloved. Settling in as close as she dared in an effort not to wake the sleeper, Kate lay so that she could take in all of the loveliness, which was a sleeping Caroline.

Seeing the Mona Lisa smile, Kate mused that even in sleep there was no end to the expressiveness of this face. Long a student of the kaleidoscopic array of expressions which crossed these fabulous features at a staggering pace, Kate had often found herself marveling that use of all the same facial bits could produce such an infinite variety of looks and convey such a range of thought and emotion so captivatingly.

Kate had been taken with Caroline from the day they met, the first interview she'd had with her. Being keen to get the teaching position at this prestigious school, Kate had closely watched the face of her interviewer to gauge how to make the best impression on this intelligent, striking woman with the deep blue eyes which missed nothing. Later, working at the school there were plenty of opportunities for observing Caroline as she led assemblies and staff meetings, interacted with students, staff and parents. She'd learned to be careful in these observations having been given scrutinizing looks on occasion by co-workers who had been speaking to her while she was thus employed.

So, she had been cataloging and collecting 'Caroline Faces,' as she called them to herself, for quite some time. The thing was though; she really couldn't catalog them could she? There were simply too many and even when she managed to recognize an expression as one she had seen before, because the lighting was not the same or the hair worn differently, the head tilted another way she really couldn't make herself believe that it _was_ the same expression. Realizing how school-girlish this was, Kate didn't care. Studying Caroline in all her infinite variety was something that Kate never intended to give up.

Resisting the impulse to touch the skin and hair so temptingly close, Kate contented herself with further inventory of the exquisite form beside her in the bed. The white gold hair had become for Kate a barometer of Caroline's emotions and state of mind. When Caroline was feeling low or tired or had had a bad day, it seemed to Kate that her hair was straighter, lanky, and lackluster. On days when things were going well for her, when she was happy, Caroline's hair tended to flip up, bounce when she walked, if Caroline was in high spirits, her hair would seem to take on a life of its own, literally flying out behind her, buoyant, shimmering in the available light. This bright head, on a frame taller than average for a woman, was what allowed Kate to so easily pick Caroline out of a crowd.

Kate's gaze traveled from the bright hair back to the face she found so fascinating. Strictly speaking this face should not be as beautiful as it was. Well, it wasn't beautiful in the classic sense but somehow the sum of its parts combined magically with the persona of its owner to form a uniquely engaging appearance. Kate wasn't the only one who thought this. Men and boys alike, not excluding Caroline's sons, visibly responded to the femininity of this enchanting tall blonde woman and her intelligent persona. They stood up straighter, were more attentive and alert than before Caroline Elliot entered the room.

Women too put their best foot forward when encountering Caroline, instinctively understanding that the bar was raised in her presence. Not only by her immaculate attire but by her amazing eyes which took in every detail and could pin a person in place making them feel that nothing they knew could be kept secret if this woman took the trouble to search them for it.

Caroline in motion was an arresting sight. There was something truly fascinating in the way she carried herself. It was more than the spike heels and pencil skirts that she wore. Kate had seen men _and_ women turn to give Caroline a second look as she walked across campus or down the corridor. On Parents Nights, crowds could literally part to give her passage, closing behind her as people moved to get a better view of her retreating form. Caroline herself of course was oblivious to all of this. If mentioned, she would wave it away as imagination and this only made her all the more attractive to Kate.

Often the most intelligent person in the room one never had the impression that this is how Caroline saw herself. She had a talent for sharing her visions and engaging support for her projects in such a way that people almost thought the idea had been their own. Seemingly without conscious thought Caroline used to good effect a subtle charm and charisma to bring people into collaboration with her plans. Her capacities to see people and situations clearly and envision ways to improve them were what had made her so successful as a school administrator. Dr. Caroline Elliot had been the driving force for bringing Sulgrave Heath out of its fossil-like past and fully into the 21st century in seven short years. With natural integrity and a fine sense of fairness she wielded her authority in the school and at home with grace and kindness, always with the greater good of all as a goal, never stinting with her own energy and drive.

Kate herself had more often than she cared to admit, been charmed by Caroline's charisma. Even being quite aware of Caroline's powers of persuasion she had allowed herself to be convinced that Caroline's way was the best way. Following Caroline against her own better judgment had been one of the ways they had run into trouble in their budding relationship. Very often Caroline did have the best plan but not always. Kate knew she must discipline herself from now on to think clearly on her own and be willing to present alternative views for Caroline's consideration, defend these views vigorously if necessary. They needed to learn to talk through decisions together.

This determined, her scrutiny moved admiringly down the long slender neck, peppered lightly with freckles Kate found this sight adorable. She'd often studied the cords and muscles in Caroline's throat fascinated by the way they worked in conjunction with the mobile face to convey nuances of emotion. In moments of tranquil intimacy Kate loved to trace these vertical lines down to the exquisite collarbone and back again making delicious shivers run through Caroline's body.

Suddenly, Kate could feel an energy shift and knew she would look up to find blue eyes on her. With some trepidation, Kate moved her gaze up to find amused eyes looking out from under raised brows. "Miss McKenzie, were you undressing me with your eyes?" then peering down over glasses that were not there, "Again?"

Kate, embarrassed to be caught at it by Caroline once more, put on a cheeky look, replying, "I was trying not to wake you. I had to occupy myself somehow, didn't I?" At the same time she moved closer entwining her legs with Caroline's. As Caroline's leg gently came into suggestive contact with Kate's taut underbelly, eliciting a sharp intake of breath, they heard a cry of outrage from Emily Jane in the next room.

Making eye contact and seeing the amorousness fading from one another's face by the sound of a baby crying, both burst into laughter that they quickly stifled. "I suppose that is something we will become accustomed to before long." Caroline said tenderly, fingers pushing back a lock of Kate's hair.

Kate, melted chocolate eyes scanning soft blue ones trying to read if this tone spoke the whole truth asked, "Will you mind terribly?"

"Well, at moments like _this_ I might have to complain, at least a little," she continued to tease. Then, seeing the seriousness in Kate's expression Caroline quickly changed her demeanor to match. "Actually, I am getting eager to have a turn carrying her." As Kate's face softened Caroline added, "I fell in love with her, you know, right there on the screen that day. Been thinking about her ever since."

"Have you? You never told me."

Giving Kate an imitation of Laurence's 'Duh!' face, then quickly, tenderly, "We've hardly had time have we?"

Hearing a door slam down the hall, Caroline kissed Kate on the nose saying as she rolled directly out of the bed onto her feet "Right, there's me going into 'hostess mode' again, for a few more hours." Then looking decidedly happier, "Once we see Laurence off on the bus it will be just the two of us."

Kate rolled onto her back so that she could watch Caroline select underclothes, jeans and a casual top to take with her to the ensuite. Watching until the tousled head disappeared behind the closed door she curled up again, facing the door through which Caroline would reappear, thinking how glad she was to once again be in such intimate proximity with the woman she loved.

**Brunch**

Caroline entered her kitchen to find Gillian with a newspaper dissected and scattered over the entire window end of the island, enjoying tea and toast with her morning news. Gillian, seeing that Caroline had stopped short, quickly began reassembling the paper saying, "Morning. Cup of tea?"

Caroline was unaccustomed to being offered tea in her own kitchen, but nevertheless, simply nodded. "You're up early," Caroline observed.

"Farmer's habit. Can't seem to sleep past sunrise, winter or summer," said Gillian placing a cup of tea on the island for Caroline.

Sipping her tea with a grateful nod to Gillian then moving to the refrigerator, "I'm going to put the soup on to heat and get this kedgeree into the oven."

"What can I do to help?" enquired Gillian.

"Empty the dishwasher?" Seeing Gillian moving immediately to her task she continued, "We'll need most of it again for brunch. You can lay it out buffet style as we did yesterday."

Both women went to work companionably, Gillian asked, "So, Kate's pregnancy. Everything going OK?"

Caroline looking up quickly, "Why?"

"I didn't mean to be nosy. Just that at this stage of life pregnancy can be more difficult."

"No, no, course. It's just that she did have something of a scare recently. Some bleeding, but it turned out to be OK. She tells me she's fine. She does tire easily. Sees the doctor again next week." Caroline hesitated, then, busily chopping fruit for a salad, went on to say, "I've offered to go to the doctor with her."

Gillian glanced up then returned to her work, "You'll be raising the child together?"

Caroline stopped chopping and gazing off sightlessly, "yes, it appears so, " she said wonderingly.

Gillian hearing the tone and seeing the expression on Caroline's face had a pang of envy. Not that she wasn't pleased for her friend, but seeing Caroline so happy yesterday with Kate had only pointed up the difficulties in her own situation. Pushing past this, her face softening, "Yes, there are rewards to having a baby in the house again. You kind of forget just how adorable they are when they're little."

"Yes," agreed Caroline, "Emily Jane is quite lovely."

"Did I hear her earlier?" inquired the grandmother.

"Yes, but I think she must have settled again."

"So, Mum and Alan and Ted are off to yours tomorrow?"

"Yes, they will be spending at least one night on the farm, maybe two while they plan their 'old home week' pilgrimage to the haunts of their youth" smiled Gillian. "Ted was hardly on the place last week before I brought him over here. He wants a look around. Robbie will be rested from his double shift in time to join us for dinner." Gillian froze, horrified at what she had admitted to Caroline.

"Robbie." A statement. Caroline remembered Gillian and Robbie on the dance floor at the wedding. Fixing Gillian with an intense expression not unlike the one she'd given when they'd discussed Robbie in the hotel car park last fall after they'd retrieved Caroline's telephone when Gillian had promised to move on beyond Robbie with her life.

Gillian, managing to look both guilty and defiant at the once said, "If it were you and Kate? Would you? Could you 'just move on'?"

Caroline opened her mouth to speak, then, closed it. If her situation were the same as Gillian's, _would_ she have been able to resist taking Kate's hand at the wedding dance? Her native sense of fairness kicked in and her expression and body language changed to helpless resignation. With heart felt intensity she said only, "Gillian, please be careful."

Gillian nodded, meeting Caroline's eye, grateful for the understanding. She realized that she had often underestimated Caroline. Had only been willing to see the façade of successful Head Mistress rather than the woman Caroline really was. After all, Caroline had forgiven her for sleeping with John who _was_ still Caroline's husband at the time. She'd facilitated a reconciliation between Celia and herself and thus between her and her Dad and had been amazing after Gillian had dumped her burden of guilt about Eddie onto her. Caroline truly was a friend. Gillian hadn't had many women friends in her life. Finding herself with a lump in her throat, holding back tears Gillian quickly turned to the sink, rinsing the dishes accumulating there.

By this time the sounds of young humanity stirring above stairs could be clearly heard in the kitchen. Raff came in carrying Emily Jane, kissed his Mum on the cheek and handed over the baby saying, "Mum, can you feed her while I take my turn in the shower?" Gillian opened her mouth to ask where Ellie was, thought better of it and simply nodded, nuzzling the warm cheek still flushed from sleep.

Kate had followed Raff down the stairs and moved toward where Caroline was finishing her fruit salad preparation. Seeing Kate, she put down her knife and held out one arm to pull Kate in for a quick kiss of greeting. With her arm still around Kate, Caroline looked across at Gillian, defying her to smirk or make a comment and asked if the fresh pot of tea was ready yet.

At Gillian's nod, Kate gave Caroline a squeeze and moved around the island offering to hold the baby while Gillian prepared the little one's breakfast. Seated on a stool Kate took Emily Jane on her lap, they had made good friends last evening during the Christmas festivities. Gillian, seeing that Calamity was content, first placed a cup of tea within reach of Kate before moving on to the baby's breakfast. It wasn't long before the group from next door joined them and the youngsters one by one descended. Boxing Day was in full swing.

By late morning the Greenwoods were packing their belongings into the back of the Land Rover and heading off for the farm with warm thanks for a wonderful Christmas. The boys promised themselves to get together again during the holidays before William had to return to university.

William and Roxy went in from waving the Greenwoods off to bring down their luggage as Kate had offered to drive them to the station to catch the train for Liverpool. They were to spend the weekend with Roxy's family since she had spent Christmas Eve and day with the Elliot's. Laurence would have headed off to the flat with Alan and Ted to watch the game had his mother not asked if he were fully packed for his trip with the school rugby team. Receiving a negative reply, he was sent up to complete this task before joining the men until it was time to leave.

Celia and Caroline returned to the kitchen for a peaceful cup of tea before they each went to pack for their own weekend. As the Greenwoods had been gathering their things, William and Laurence had done a fine job of returning extra chairs, games paraphernalia and DVDs to their normal storage places while Kate and Celia had wiped surfaces in the sitting room and gathered stray dishes from around the house into the dishwasher. Caroline had helped her departing guests find and pack all that they had brought with them. In short, the house was more or less returned to its normal appearance. Once Caroline's weekly service put in a day at the house tomorrow, the linens would be changed, bathrooms would sparkle and the rest of the house would once again be spotless, ready for an impromptu showing by the estate agent and/or the family's return on Sunday.

Celia collapsed onto a stool at the island with a sigh, clearly still tired by the excitement of the week just past. The merriment of family gathering for the wedding last week, final preparations and the wedding itself with Christmas the very next day had taken their toll on her.

Caroline, seeing her fatigue, wondered out loud whether the trip to the farm tomorrow was the best idea for her, let alone Alan with his heart condition. Celia thought it would be fine, the three of them planned to simply rest today, watching TV or napping as the spirit moved them. "You've given me enough leftovers that I won't need to cook. We'll be ready for more adventures by tomorrow."

Caroline still unconvinced told her, "Gillian will understand if you put off your visit by another day if any one of you is not feeling up to the trip yet tomorrow. I hope you won't push yourselves. She wouldn't want anything to happen to any of you either, you know."

"No, no, I know," replied Celia, "we'll see how we feel tomorrow." Then looking speculatively at Caroline. "So your spending the weekend at Kate's while the boys are away?"

"Yes, we've barely had a moment to talk since," Caroline paused looking into her tea briefly then into her mother's eyes and continuing, "since Tuesday night. There are things to discuss."

Celia, scrutinizing Caroline's face finally said evenly, "so, you _are_ getting back together?"

Caroline having allowed her face to be searched remained composed looking back at her mother, "Yes, I think it's likely. I certainly hope so." Seeing how it was with Caroline, Celia finally looked down and took a sip of her tea. "Look, Mum, I know you aren't overjoyed about this. I _did_ hear what you said on the dance floor. 'I thought she'd gone' I also heard the tone of voice you used." Even though they had touched on this yesterday, Caroline knew she needed to make clear with her mother where she stood.

Celia had the grace to look embarrassed, "I was hoping you hadn't heard that. I thought maybe you hadn't." Seeing the doubtful look on Caroline's face she went on, "I think it was the surprise that made me say it." Then unable to keep censure from her voice, "And seeing you snogging like that, before everyone we know." Seeing that Caroline was about to break in, Celia held up a hand, "No, I think I would have felt much the same even if it had been a man that you behaved like that with. I didn't raise you to put on public displays like this. You know that."

Caroline hearing the earnestness in her mother's voice realized the truth of what she'd said about her upbringing and softened. "Mum, I am sorry that this is so hard for you, hard on you. I do love you, you know."

"I know you do." Celia allowed the deep love that she felt for this only child of hers to show on her face then. Caroline continued in a conciliatory tone, "It seems I don't know how to be happy without Kate."

"And the baby?" questioned Celia gently, not wishing to break this tender moment between them but needing to know.

"She is a part of Kate now. I have to accept everything if we are going to move forward. We both have to accept all that comes with the other in order to build from here. That is part of what we need to discuss. Why we are taking a weekend apart, some time for ourselves the next few days."

Celia, continuing to regard Caroline lovingly said softly, "You've become an remarkable woman, you know." Seeing that Caroline was turning her head to discount this statement, Celia took her hand causing Caroline to look back at her mother. "You have a child and do your best to raise them, but the truth is that most of it is up to the child, who they become. I can't take credit for the intelligent, caring, woman that you are, so respected and successful in your career, a wonderful mother to your sons. I'm in awe of you, you know. I know, I don't say it to you, but I do think it more often than you might believe."

Caroline had her mother's hand in both of hers now. With tears in her eyes she reached over and pulled her mother into a hug. Finally, releasing her Mum a little she grinned cheekily and said, "You're only saying that because of my speech at the wedding."

Celia smiling and giving her daughter a playful swat on the backside as she sat up straight again said, "Aren't we a pair."

"A pair of what?" asked Kate smiling a greeting to Caroline as she came into the kitchen, still removing her gloves and coat.

Celia finishing her tea. She smiled at Kate saying "Hello love" Then to Caroline, "I imagine you have some packing of your own to do. I know you have to get Laurence over to school to catch the bus by 1:30. I heard him slip out the door to join Alan and Ted a few minutes ago. What time do you want me to send him over here?"

Both women stood up, "Twenty minutes should be about right." Caroline smiled into her mother's face before once again giving her a hug and saying, "I hope you will get really rested before you head off to the farm, all of you. Promise me?"

"I promise, we'll be fine," Celia said breezily as she started down the two steps toward the door. Turning back, she grinned and said impudently, "I won't even call you unless it is something dire."

Caroline, trying to suppress a grin said, "Well, you had better call me if it is something 'dire'."

Watching Celia out the door Caroline took Kate's hand pulling her toward the stairs saying, "Come, tell me about seeing William and Roxy off while I pack a few things."


	10. Chapter 10

**10 Boxing Day - Seeing Laurence Off**

Pulling onto the grounds of Sulgrave Heath School, they could see the charter bus parked, ready to pass through the tunnel of the main building. Caroline pulled into her usual parking space and Laurence jumped out immediately to get his gear from the back. Caroline meeting him there said, "You _are_ going to say bye to your old Mum before you go aren't you?" With an embarrassed grin, he took her into a quick tight bear hug, immediately releasing her, glad that his mother had parked some distance from the bus giving him this slight bit of privacy for good byes. Throwing a quick, bye Kate over his shoulder, he was off.

Caroline and Kate followed Laurence more slowly. Caroline said, "There's Tom Lincoln," of the head rugby coach, "I'll need to have a word with him." As she said this they approached a car being exited by Angus as quickly as Laurence had just left their car and witnessed a similar goodbye scene between him and his Mum. Seeing Felicity, Angus' mother, Kate stopped to chat as Caroline, greeting Felicity with a wave, continued on to speak to the coaching staff before departure.

"Hi Caroline," said the head coach having observed her and Kate walking from her car together. "Had a good Christmas?" as he looked back to where Kate stood talking with Felicity.

Caroline trying hard not to look as uncomfortable as she felt, said, "You don't miss much do you?"

"Can't afford to with this lot, Tom grinned, tipping his head to the group of boys boisterously loading their kit into the storage compartment of the bus. "Not exactly fresh news anyway is it?"

Caroline, trying to appear nonchalant but looking more worried than she knew, said only, "No, I guess not."

"It will be OK. Tom assured her.

This bear of a man, almost 10 years older than Caroline had been one of her staunch supporters from the beginning of her tenure at the school. It was still antiquated then and struggling to make ends meet. Caroline, full of excitement at the possibilities, was regularly shaking up the status quo. She had relied on Tom's good judgment often in the past; surely she could do so again. Smiling her thanks, she said only partly joking, "I'll hold you to that."

"Just let me know if you need any heads knocked together, I'm just the man to do it. You know that." Said half in jest, Tom was also offering his support. He had always admired Caroline and the way she had turned the school from imminent failure to its current reputation for excellence in education with an emphasis on technology to impart the skills to meet the challenges of the still new century. Tom hoped to retire from Sulgrave and now, with the school firmly in the black, as long as he held up his end of the bargain he reckoned he would be able to do so. All of this was due, in his view, to Caroline's achievements.

Just then, they were approached by Gavin, Chairman of the Board of Governors, also dropping off his son who was a member of the rugby team. "Good afternoon," said Gavin rather formally. "Well, Coach, are we going to win this tourney?" Meaning to be jovial, as so often happened with Gavin, he came across as condescending more than anything else. Tom Lincoln, well used to Gavin and other parents who considered themselves quite successful in life and inclined to patronize him, said mildly, "We intend to try.

After a few more pleasantries were exchanged Coach Lincoln was called into conference by a mother who wanted to be sure that the Head Coach was fully informed about the special needs of her son. This left Caroline and Gavin watching the leave taking of the other families and inquiring politely about one another's Christmas. Caroline took this opportunity to let Gavin know that she would like to meet with him as soon after the holidays as possible. About that time Caroline heard her name called by Kate who had stopped a short distance away, saying as she turned to start back the way she had come, "Caroline, Felicity and I are going into the building for a few minutes, we won't be long. I'll meet you back at the car when you are ready, no hurry." Then, "Hi Gavin." And with a wave of her hand, "See you later, Caroline."

Turning from looking after Kate as she walked away, Caroline met Gavin's inquiring eyes under his raised eyebrows. Aware for certain now that Felicity had been accurate in telling her that rumors about herself and Kate had, in fact, made the rounds of Sulgrave Heath School, she said, "Surely Gavin this is not the first time you've been aware of my relationship with Kate."

Gavin returned pointedly, "It _is_ the first I am hearing of it from you. Is this what you wanted to discuss next week?"

Caroline did look embarrassed now, "Yes. In retrospect I realize that I should have talked with you about this last spring. Its just that everything was very tentative at the time and then we had a falling out and …" Caroline accustomed to being at least one to two steps ahead of Gavin in most discussions, decidedly, did not enjoy the position she had put herself in now. Continuing more strongly, "We're in process of working things out and beginning what I hope will be a permanent relationship."

Gavin, seeing a new side to Caroline, regarded her levelly for a moment then said, "You told me a year or so ago about your breakdown with John, I'm sorry things didn't work out for you. I am glad if you can be happy now. You deserve some happiness."

Caroline was surprised at these personal comments from Gavin, since their relationship had been strictly business to this point, except the news she had felt bound to share with him about her break down with John, telling him mainly because she knew that it would become common knowledge around the school because of the boys. "Thank you Gavin, I appreciate that."

Seeing her surprise, Gavin went on to say, "My brother 'came out' as they say a few years ago. Bit of a surprise to the family, probably shouldn't have been but…" he shrugged. "He had someone he wanted to share his life with so he told us. We've all had our 'consciousness raised' as they used to say. It took some getting used to, especially for our parents but it's worked out pretty well now. Just all had Christmas together. I think everyone enjoyed themselves. It is good to see Bill so happy. They make each other happy." Seeing that Caroline was considering this and the implications for her and Kate he went on to say, "I think you will find that once you get beyond the initial surprise things will become somewhat easier. Always the odd lout somewhere around, but over all." Amused that the usually responsive Caroline still had nothing to say, Gavin told her, "Have Beverley give my office a call when the term begins and we'll meet to discuss this further."

There was a cheer from the boys as the coaches called them to board the bus and Caroline and Gavin joined the general crowd of parents waving off their boys. As the bus moved into the passageway Gavin said goodbye to Caroline and they both turned toward their respective cars.

Caroline caught up with Kate and Felicity who had also been among the waving parents. As Felicity turned to open her car door she said, "see you later. Caroline, I'll give you a call" and promptly got in closing the car door.

Caroline totally taken aback at this farewell, stopped and looked questioningly at Kate who said, "I'll tell you in the car, it is freezing out here. Come on."

Once in the car and moving down the street, Caroline turned to Kate asking if she needed to stop at the market for anything. Assured that Kate's larder was well stocked, Caroline's thoughts went back to Felicity's promise to call Caroline. "So, why is Felicity going to call me?"

Kate looking somewhat abashed said, "this feels a little weird."

Caroline wondering what else was coming at her, said resignedly, "Well, it has been a weird afternoon all way round, go ahead." Seeing Kate's questioning look, in reply responded before she could ask, "I'll tell you later, go ahead. Felicity…" she prompted.

We got talking and she told me briefly about Angus' dad and how you had shared with her a little of your experience with John. How helpful it had been to her and she told me that she was glad that you had talked together." Watching Caroline's still bewildered face, Kate went on in a rush, "So later when she said that she would like to have us over for dinner sometime, I thought you wouldn't mind and she seemed so lonely that I said yes, we would like that. Is that? Is that alright?" Seeing Caroline's blank expression she went on nervously, "sorry if you do mind, it was so unexpected that I didn't have time to think and I hope…"

"No, no, its fine. Its fine." Caroline, not wanting Kate to be upset interrupted. "I just…" shaking her head slightly to clear it said. "Wow!"

Kate concerned anew asked, "Whot? Whot is it?" not receiving an immediate reply from Caroline, she went on, "What else happened that was weird? Are you alright Caroline?"

Caroline, finally processing events a little, looked over at Kate and started laughing. Prompting Kate to say again, "Whot?"

Caroline, continued to chuckle and with her eyebrows lifted well up under her fringe and an incredulous look on her face said, "Things have moved so quickly in the last 48 hours that I'm going to need some time to catch up with it all."

"Fortunately we have until Sunday afternoon. Hopefully, with no interruptions," smiled Kate placing a hand on Caroline's leg. Seeing the smiling glance that this gesture brought to Caroline's face, she left her hand there as Caroline told her of the conversations that she'd had with both Tom and Gavin.

"So, with these two behind me at Sulgrave Heath, I find that I am feeling a little better about things at school," finished Caroline as the car pulled to a stop at Kate's house. Shutting off the car, Caroline took Kate's hand into hers and smiled into her eyes before they both squeezed and released the hand of the other. Opening the back seat door Caroline took out both her own and Kate's suitcases, having placeded them behind her seat to keep them safe from the pile of gear Laurence had stowed in the boot.

As she did this Kate greeted an elderly man with a cane walking toward them, "Hi, Mr. Field."

The slightly stooped, white haired man nodded to Kate before stopping and looking Caroline up and down, saying gravely, "I liked your green dress," an obvious reference to her performance of the day before, when she had given an eyeful of 'Caroline in motion', not only to Kate and the passing car of boys but apparently to the neighbors as well. Having said this he proceeded past them without another word or a backward glance. After a moment of surprised silence, Caroline's jaw dropped as she gazed after her admirer. As she closed her mouth she turned to look at Kate who was working hard to suppress the laughter that now burst out of control when Caroline's eyes met hers.

By this time both women were moving up the path toward the house. Kate walking a little sideways so that she could keep Caroline's face in view, continuing to laugh as she saw Caroline's immediate reaction of resentment at Kate's laughter change to embarrassed amusement at herself before she joined Kate's hysterics.

Both moving more quickly now as they realized they were likely giving unseen neighbors another show, Kate unlocked the door and they collapsed into further giggles as Caroline shut the door with her backside and dropped the bags she had been carrying. Holding on to one another for support they moved into the room, Kate handing a box of tissues to Caroline and taking one herself as they both had tears of laughter running down their faces.

Seating themselves on the sofa and eventually calming down, Caroline said, "I have never laughed so hard or so often with anyone else in my life." Then remembering the incident at the hotel, when the staff thought that she and Gillian were the ones getting married, told the story to Kate causing them to go into another fit of laughter.

Finally, calming, Caroline once again wiping tears from the corner of her eyes saw Kate stifling a yawn and immediately went into protector mode. "Right, I intended to send you off for a nap the moment we got in and it is getting on. Still time to get in a nap this afternoon" as she pulled a reluctant Kate by the hand to her feet. No, no, you told me yourself the doctor wants you to get plenty of rest, come on," as she gently pushed Kate toward the stairs then turned back to pick up the two suitcases.

Kate's expression brightened visibly at the sight of Caroline starting up after her. Caroline noticed this and warned in her best mother voice, I am only bringing these up and seeing that you are tucked in before I go back down." Setting Kate's bag on a convenient chair where she could reach into it without strain she turned to find Kate with a pleading face standing next to her. Caroline, hands on Kate's arms above the elbow guided her back against the side of the bed until she sat down and once again Caroline knelt to take off Kate's shoes.

Kate touching Caroline's hair, admiring it sheen in the late afternoon sun, pulling strands through her fingers as she had liked to do in that long ago time when briefly she'd had license to touch the woman she'd daydreamed over for so long. Marveling at her own ability to have thrown away that right in spite of the white hot desire, which had never left her for this magnificent, maddening, splendid woman called Caroline. "Aren't you afraid I'll get accustomed to all of this personal service?"

Caroline had been reveling in the sensations produced by Kate's fingers in her hair, all the while her hands remained at their task. Looking up, her head tilted slightly, she allowed all the love for Kate that she had kept contained for so many months to show, "I want you to get used to letting me take care of you. I hope you _will_ let me. Maybe I've been on the internet too much but I am only too aware of the dangers of a late in life pregnancy."

Kneeling up so that her face was very close to Kate's and taking the smooth, rounded golden brown cheeks tenderly between caressing fingers, Caroline whispered solemnly, "Kate, if anything happened to you now, I don't think I could survive it." Swallowing to control the emotion that was swelling inside her and blinking back the tears, she softly and briefly pressed her lips to Kate's. "I couldn't." Then straightening her back, pulling her shoulders down and visibly taking control of herself again, Caroline placed her hands on Kate's knees to lever herself back to her feet. Briskly, "Right, I'll leave you to get comfortable and rest. I'll take my book and stretch out on the sofa for a while." With a self-deprecating smile, "After the last few days I might even fall asleep myself." So saying she pursed her lips toward Kate as if kissing her once again and slipped out the door closing it softly behind her.

Caroline returning to the warmth and serenity of the room below, so reflective of these same qualities in its owner, settled herself on the sofa with a soft throw that she had spied folded over one of the armchairs. Adjusting her phone to a quiet setting so any incoming texts from one of the boys or her mother or more unlikely a call from Tom Lincoln to get her advice on something unusual which could always come up on one of these outings would not disturb Kate.

Opening her book, she did not immediately look at it. Instead her gaze rested upon the armchair before the front window. The chair where she had perched during her, all too short, visit to Kate following Laurence's overnight stay here. The memory of her time in this chair made her stomach clench as if she were once again sitting there struggling to find the right words to make an apology for all that she had gotten wrong.

Obviously, she had not found the right words. Maybe there hadn't been any right words but Caroline couldn't help feeling that this was just one more thing that she had mucked up. Why had she been able to produce only tame language that didn't come close to expressing the depth of her feeling? She should have been able to find the words to convey her profound regret, the cavernous emptiness that was her life without Kate and the overwhelming love and devotion she felt toward her. For this failing she had paid with three more months of purgatory, seeing Kate almost daily, unwelcome to even speak to her without a bona fide business reason or risk being frozen out again. In her delicate emotional state, she had no longer been able to risk such attempts.

Thinking back to the start of the coldness she wondered yet again how the Kate, who by word and action had found Caroline so lovable and irresistible, could be the same person who so suddenly, pitilessly, and seemingly without regret had cut Caroline to the quick. Her words, chosen so aptly to wound in the places she knew they would do the most damage. Then, to add insult to injury, Kate had, within the space of 24 hours, gone from claiming to love Caroline to the point of "doing anything for her" to getting into bed with an old boyfriend.

Had Kate really despaired of their relationship and its potential to grow? Was it her desperation to have a child that overrode her feelings for Caroline? Did that justify Kate throwing her down? In fairness Kate hadn't expected to just run back to her after the deed was done. Kate had supposed that this would be the end of their affair. She had only come back after all this time because she couldn't resist the feelings that hadn't dissipated over time. And she'd had reason to believe that Caroline had similar feelings and wasn't getting on with her life any better than Kate was. Still, if they had been a heterosexual couple would expectations have been different following one partner sleeping with an old flame to get pregnant? Did any of this matter in the face of the overwhelming attraction that they had for one another? Could she really forget? Get the mental image of Kate in bed with Greg erased from her brain?

But the joy of being with Kate again after such a long time bubbled to the surface like a spring in the midst of drought, covering the dry cracked surface of her soul. Kate's sparkling eyes, her tender smiling mouth, soft warm lips…

Caroline was wakened by the soft chirping of her phone, it was William sending a text to say that he and Roxy had arrived safely. Her parents were warm and welcoming and they were about to go into yet another Christmas feast. It was typical of thoughtful William, informing her of his movements so that she wouldn't worry. Undoubtedly, Laurence and the other boys would be instructed to contact parents before long so Caroline knew her phone would chirp again soon.

Her phone told her that it was almost 4:00pm. It was darkening outside, no telling how long she had ruminated on the old topic and how long she had slept but found that she was feeling alright. Naps often made her groggy and she usually avoided them for this reason.

Caroline, on her way to the kitchen to make a pot of tea, heard a step on the stair and turned to find Kate looking fresh and tidy in loose fitting, comfortable clothes. Smiling sheepishly at Caroline she said, "I never thought I'd sleep so long. Have you been bored?"

No, just woken by a text from William saying he's arrived. I doubt that I went to sleep as quickly as you though. Tea?" as they made their way into Kate's galley kitchen.

"I'm starving, didn't you bring some of the soup from this morning?

"Yep. And some fruit salad and enough turkey to make us each a sandwich, if you like." answered Caroline going to the fridge, perfectly willing to make herself at home in Kate's kitchen as she watched the pregnant woman sink immediately onto a kitchen stool.


	11. Chapter 11

**11 Boxing Day - Processing the Past**

At the table, over their meal the two women could not talk fast enough to bring one another up to date on the incidents of their lives since they last been on good enough terms to share the minutia of life with one another. Constantly breaking in, apologizing, then hurrying on to tell the imperative story, they alternately laughed or commiserated as the situation demanded.

Once the kitchen was put to rights again, they made themselves comfortable on the sofa and found themselves oddly silent. Normally when they sat here together they started out close. This time each had taken an end and sat facing the other. Kate raised grave eyes to Caroline's, and began "Caroline, I know I have hurt you terribly. This is the first chance we've had to really talk. I need to tell you some things. Will you hear me out?"

Caroline knowing that they needed to start this process still dreaded it. Was afraid that it might tear them apart again. Everything felt so fragile. Still, putting if off wouldn't help. She nodded.

Kate who had rehearsed this so many times in her mind still struggled to begin. Finally, "Caroline there was so much going on in both of our lives last spring. Maybe it would have been more surprising if we hadn't run into trouble. I don't say that to excuse either of us, just to point out that we were both stressed.

Looking into Caroline's face, Kate told her. "This was about you and me and how things were between us but it was also largely the baby issue with me. You need to know a little more of my history, I think, before you can understand how things were for me then."

"You know that I was married to Richard, that I lost four babies." Taking a deep breath and swallowing hard, "what you don't know about are the depressions that I went into after each one. They were hard on all of us. Well, it was a hormonal thing really but it got pretty bad for a while each time." Whispering, "I treated poor Richard abominably." Smiling wanly, "He was always kind, not letting any of the cruel things I said matter, understanding that it was the... condition talking." Sighing and looking at the ceiling, Kate closed her eyes and said, "of course, that only made me more angry, I couldn't figure out why he wasn't as furious as I was."

Seeing concern and sympathy in Caroline's face, "Anyway, with hormone therapy, I would get better and after a while we would try again for a baby. Only to have the whole thing happen to us again." Taking another deep breath, Kate willed herself to go on. "Each time Richard was more and more reluctant to try. Wanted us to adopt. Tried to talk me into it but there was something in me that insisted that I HAVE a child." With her head moving back and forth slowly Kate looked into herself, trying yet again to figure out this conundrum. "Maybe it is just the way I am wired? A genetic imperative of some kind? I don't understand it myself. I don't really expect you to understand it. Eventually, it was this that caused the break down of our marriage."

Raising her eyes once again to Caroline's, pleading for Caroline to believe her, "All I know is that when it comes to the subject of babies I can become... compulsive."

For the first time since Kate began, Caroline spoke, sympathy intertwined with pain in her voice as she said, "Kate." As so often happened with them, the look in Caroline's eyes accompanying this single syllable spoke volumes about the empathy Caroline had for Kate's state of mind.

Seeing that Caroline was with her, Kate was encouraged to go on. Closing her eyes again for moment, considering how to explain, "It was that day outside the assembly when we were talking about houses and I told you that I wanted a baby. Even though I saw the shock on your face, I knew I had to try to convince you. I was on autopilot through my classes that day. All I could think about was the possibility of having a baby. I'd been too afraid to start down that path alone. What if it all happened again? What if it wasn't just trying with Richard? What if it was _my_ fault and it happened again. What would happen to me without Richard to take care of me, see me through it all? But now I had you. I wouldn't be alone."

Seeing by Caroline's nod that she was grasping the situation, "So, by the time you and I were able to talk again, walking on the playing fields that afternoon, I was wired. I thought I had it all figured out. I knew that IVF could take months and months to work, maybe years. It was time I didn't have. As I told you, Greg had always been at the back of my mind after I split with Richard."

Seeing the closed look that came to Caroline's face, Kate went on, "Greg. I broke up with him at uni because he was kind of a bore," Kate admitted. Don't get me wrong, he was smart and capable but when he was with me he was somehow always trying too hard. He was always ready to follow my lead, would do anything I asked. It might sound good to have a man at your beck and call but it got old very quickly, at least with Greg. So I broke up with him. But he was always there, cheerful, obliging, friendly. We were in the same larger group of friends, hence the Christmas cards and occasional emails. I knew he wasn't attached at the time this came up between you and me, and believed that if I asked, he would be willing to…" Once again unable to look Caroline in the eye, Kate watched the nervous fingers in her lap. I had reason to believe that if I asked Greg to do this for me it was likely he would agree.

Stealing a glance at the frighteningly quiet woman across from her, to find 'Dr. Elliot' once again regarding her levelly, ready to pounce on anything which didn't ring true, Kate went back to gazing into the fire. "When he called the very next day to say that he was passing through on his way south and asked to see me on my birthday, it seemed to be a sign that I should proceed with this _now_." Looking up, knowing that she would find skepticism written on the face of the scientist, who by training did not believe in 'signs', only facts in evidence. Seeing the blonde head inclined slightly, so piercing blue eyes could look over glasses that were not there, Kate quickly added, "at least in the state I'd worked myself into by then it seemed to be an indication to move forward. So I brought the subject up with Greg on the phone, knowing it was premature. Knowing that you and I were not on the same page yet with this decision."

"I knew your lack of comment one way or the other at the end of the practice field had been a signal that you would be processing that conversation, not acquiescence, at least," pausing to steal a glance at Caroline, "not to the method. But the old desire to _have_ a baby had been rekindled in me. It wouldn't let go, had been fed by that conversation, just the fact that we had talked so openly together about it and you hadn't said no." Then more slowly, "Also, by having allowed myself to face the fact that time for having a baby really _was_ running out for me."

Wanting now, only to get it all out in the open Kate continued all in a rush, "Even when you told me on the couch that evening that you still had things to process, that you had reservations about the idea of my having sex with _anyone_ to get pregnant and even though I told you that I wasn't planning to do the deed that weekend, in the back of my mind I was quite aware of my cycle, the fact that I was ovulating at the weekend. I hoped that I could change your mind and convince you by then that we should just move forward since Greg was already there. Then we could just put that bit behind us."

The struggle to comprehend Kate' state of mind registered clearly on Caroline's face. She stood, crossing to the fireplace. One hand on the mantle, the other on her hip, weight on one leg Caroline looked unseeingly into a far corner of the room for a long moment, thinking, trying to process what Kate was telling her. Bringing her head down, she looked intently at Kate, saying incredulously, "So, this… desperation to have a baby was already becoming more important to you than I was?

Kate feeling the pressure of Caroline's narrowed eyes on her as well as the shame and guilt that she had carried for so long, once again closed her eyes trying to find the words to explain what happened next. Unable to keep the pleading tone from her voice, Kate went on "You have to keep in mind that this essential _need_ for a baby had taken hold of me. I was convinced that it had to be now. I was thinking of little else at the time but how to make this all come together."

Rushing on again, "I thought that we would be checked in at the hotel early enough on Friday to have some time to ourselves before we had to go down to meet Greg. I wanted to sit with you, quietly, just the two of us. Try to explain one more time the urgency that wouldn't let go of me. Convince you that it would be best for both of us to just get this part out of the way so that we could move forward together without having to keep thinking of the sex part." Unable to face Caroline, Kate looked into her lap saying almost inaudibly, "That is how it seemed to me at the time. In my" pausing to glance up at Caroline, "_desperate_ state."

"Then, we got to the hotel and you had booked two separate rooms. Something inside me just went off. I was disappointed in you for doing this, for your inability to be with me openly even in front of people we didn't know and were unlikely to see again." Fixing Caroline with her direct gaze, Kate lifted her chin, "Of course, that was the end of our 'quiet time'."

"On top of all the slights I had received from you, Caroline, over the course of the months that we became friends, then lovers it was just too much." Kate's pain and frustration came into her voice now, "I'd been patient and understanding for as long as I could be. It never seemed to bring me any higher on your priority scale. You always seemed to be dealing with incoming flack, your mother, John, Judith, everything came before me. Naturally, you had responsibilities to the boys, your job, there just wasn't time or place for me in your life. I realized this as I was dressing, after we checked in. Even this weekend when, in theory, we were going to spend time alone, just you and me, it had turned into separation. I just couldn't take anymore. Can you see that Caroline? I couldn't see how anything was ever going to change."

Kate had been watching the emotions race across this expressive face, hurt and anger that Kate would consider being with Greg, consternation at booking two rooms, realization and accountability for the way she had treated Kate and the position she'd placed her in by not caring for her properly, meeting her needs, the guilt at taking Kate, her kindness and support for granted and not making her a high enough priority in her life. Caroline remained silent now, not really knowing what she could say in the face of this and too moved by her own shortcomings to speak, so she only nodded, her face and neck working to maintain her composure.

Seeing this Kate went on, still a little defiantly, "It felt like I had to protect _myself_ now. It became clear to me that I was wrong when I thought I needed you to be there for me when I had the baby. I realized that your strength and your support were there for everyone _except_ me. So now, I had to think about what was good for me. For a change, what _I_ wanted.

Then in a softer tone, "I had made myself so available to you, dropped things in my life to be with you and I did not see you doing the same. No matter how many times I listened to you and your problems, no matter how supportive of you I was, it never seemed to occur to you to reciprocate. There was seldom time for us to really talk. Everything was going so fast and you and I hadn't had the time to become a couple, not really. That was clear when you booked two rooms for us. And finally, when I thought you were going to take time to focus on me, I found myself shunted to the side once again. You didn't _really_ want _me_. I had to face that. As much as it hurt, as much as I didn't want to face it, I knew that it was up to me to find a way forward. Alone. Again. So, I had to tell you, and I did, in the bar when I came downstairs.

Kate's face contorted with remembered pain, "the only thing, other than _you_, that was important to me was a baby. I had always wanted a baby. If I couldn't have you, I had to try for the baby. It felt like my last chance. I needed to seize this opportunity. Now. With Greg. So I did."

Caroline sat remembering that day in the bar, with that damnable waiter passing back and forth every chance he could invent, obviously eavesdropping on their row, Caroline would happily have throttled him at the time. She thought she had begun now to understand why none of her attempts to relieve the tension between herself and Kate that evening had worked. Looking up she saw Kate watching her intently, trying to read Caroline to know if this was making sense to her. Caroline, her heart in her eyes said simply, "Kate, I'm so sorry."

Kate, not yet finished with her story, explained, "The coldness, not introducing you to Greg, ignoring you through dinner, letting you go back to your room alone, it was all part of that decision. I spent the night going over and over it all in my mind. I couldn't come to any other conclusion except that if I were going to have a baby, I would need to break off with you. I could barely take care of myself inside the 'rock 'em, sock 'em' world where you lived, let alone protect a baby there. That wasn't the life I wanted for my child. It had to be over between us. It seemed like it _was_ over between us, things had run their course. That part was very hard because I still loved you so much, I just couldn't live in your world anymore if there was going to be a baby and I knew I _had_ to try for that." Almost overcome now with emotion, Kate said very quietly, "Besides, I didn't think you would forgive me for going about it the way I felt I had to do that weekend."

Kate, watching Caroline through this explanation saw the truth of it hit home, saw her nod of understanding. "The next morning at the breakfast table when you withdrew the house from your quid pro quo for the baby I knew for certain what I had to do." Looking down now, "I know the things I said to you were hurtful. If I hadn't been so upset and disappointed in you I don't know if I could have said them."

Kate paused, remembering the words she had said to Caroline. Then looking into the pained blue eyes which were also remembering, she continued softly, "I knew that what you felt for me was real. What we had between us was... so powerful... so special; I couldn't help but know that. I knew that you loved me, even if you never said the words, I knew that if I left any place for doubt about us in your mind that you would never let me go, that you would keep pursuing me and I didn't think I could resist you if you really tried. I knew that what I intended to do with Greg would devastate you but it seemed like my last best chance and I _had_ to take it. It seemed to me that if I let this chance at conceiving a baby pass, there might not _be_ another chance. If I let this weekend go by without trying for a baby, I would never have a child. Never be somebody's Mum. I know that isn't rational, possibly not even true. But it felt like the truest thing I ever knew. Can you understand this at all?"

Caroline was leaning forward now, elbows on knees, intent, listening to Kate's description of these events that had loomed so large in her thoughts for all these months. Some of it, her own contributions she had come to realize on her own during those endless months of ruminations but Kate's pain and how it had hurt her to do what she had come to feel she must do were borne in on Caroline now. For her own callousness and self centered behavior to have pushed this naturally kind, serene and self possessed woman to these lengths was unforgivable. Caroline saw so clearly now how it had all seemed from Kate's point of view. Caroline had been pulling her in with one hand and pushing her away with the other, never really letting her in at all.

Her voice filled with remorse, Caroline began speaking slowly, earnestly, "Kate, I am so sorry. Believe it or not, I _have_ come to realize some of this in the time we've been apart." Looking down for a moment before she could go on, Caroline knew that she couldn't be any less forthright than Kate had been if she really wanted Kate back in her life. Afraid to be this open but more afraid of losing Kate again, Caroline looked directly into Kate's honest brown eyes and began determinedly, "I tried to apologize that time but my apology was as inept as everything else I did. There are things I should have said to you that day. I was so scared. I wanted you so much but I was so terrified of rejection that I couldn't bring myself to tell you how much I wanted you." Softly, "How much I love you, how much I need you." Gaining resolve, "I'm sorry for that and even more sorry for bringing you to the point that you felt there was no hope for us, that you had to dump me to have a life again."

Kate, her own face working now for control, "That day, the day you came here… I didn't believe that if I told you this you could ever really get over the fact that I had gone to bed with Greg. I mean I knew that you knew it; I just didn't think you were being honest with yourself, Caroline. By then I really did have a baby to consider. I couldn't risk starting up with you again only to go back to the way things were, so uncertain and unsettled." Then ire rising, "I had just left your house where everything seemed exactly the same."

Seeing Caroline's nod as she considered her side of that day, Kate said regretfully, "No matter how much I wanted to take you into my arms and erase the pain from your face, I knew I didn't dare let myself. I knew it was no use, it would just all have to be done over again, sooner or later." Her face showing what it had cost her, Kate said in a barely audible voice, "So I watched you walk out my door and down the path like you had just lost your best friend. And I knew you had. So had I."

Caroline, remembering that day and her feelings as she left, wore the same bereft expression she'd worn sitting in the fateful chair in front of the window. Kate seeing this now moved to kneel beside Caroline. She put her face near Caroline's, smoothed back the hair from her face with the backs of her fingers. With a forefinger she traced the downturn of Caroline's lips. Encouraged by being allowed these liberties, she said, "Caroline, I'm so sorry. It just seemed like the only way at the time."

Caroline gently put her arms around Kate pulling her in for a tender hug. For a long moment they just held each other, considering what had happened between them so many months ago that still felt like yesterday. Kate relieved to have gotten this much out, Caroline beginning to assimilate these revelations. Each of them was reveling in the nearness of the other at this moment.

The yawn that Kate could not stifle brought Caroline to herself. Pulling back and putting her forehead on Kate's she smiled gently and said, "Time for bed my love. That is enough for tonight." Placing her lips softly and briefly on Kate's, "All right?"

At Kate's smiling nod, they went around hand in hand turning off lights and checking locks before heading up the stairs.


	12. Chapter 12

**12 Friday: Oh Kate!**

Caroline, waking before Kate, dressed casually for the day and went down to prepare breakfast. The evening before she had spied sausages and eggs and planned to add the last of the fruit from the day before to their breakfast. The smell of frying sausages must have wakened Kate almost immediately, as she shortly appeared, also dressed for the day. Caroline, looking up smiled a welcome as Kate moved to encircle her middle, kissing the cheek Caroline turned to her. "Mmmm, smells good." Then still leaning against Caroline, pressed her lips against the largest freckle on the side of the irresistibly exposed neck. Inhaling deeply the scent of Caroline she exhaled "_You_ smell good," and felt an almost imperceptible wave of movement through the body in her arms. This in turn produced a sharp intake of breath in Kate whose lips were still beside Caroline's ear. Caroline swallowed and said "Kate," in a regretful tone. With a small squeeze Kate finally went to pour orange juice for each of them.

Caroline quickly scrambled the eggs and as the two women ate, they talked of the whereabouts and activities of Caroline's family and Kate's Mum. Kate told Caroline about a restaurant where she knew the owners and that it was one that Mrs. McKenzie enjoyed. She suggested it as the destination for the dinner Caroline had promised Kate's mother. Agreeing on this, Kate first called the restaurant to make the reservation, then her Mum to tell her what time she and Caroline would pick her up that evening.

As they were setting the kitchen to rights, Caroline turned to Kate and said softly, "tell me about your pregnancy?" At Kate's look of surprise, Caroline continued, regretful, "I feel like I've missed so much." Then wistfully, "Tell me about when you first knew."

Kate perched on a stool by the counter and thought for a moment, "Of course, I was watching for the signs, I'd been through that part so many times. I knew how it would be with me. As the signs began, one by one, I started to get excited but I tried to stop myself, I knew… knew that I wouldn't begin to feel safe until after 12 weeks. I kept it to myself. No one but you would even dream that there would be such a possibility. I didn't even tell my Mum. She'd been through so much all of the other times, with me… Well, I didn't want to tell her until there a reasonable expectation that…"

Caroline, who had taken the stool across from Kate, nodded her understanding. She ran a forefinger from the tip of one of Kate's fingers up to her wrist and back down the next finger. Looking up, "Did you have morning sickness?" As Kate continued to talk, Caroline picked up one of Kate's hands, with thumb on one side of her palm and fingertips on the other began tracing each bone, divining tendon and sinew, vein and tissue moving systematically across to the gap between index finger and thumb.

"A little, usually, by the time I got to school it was under control." Kate looked out from under lowered lashes, almost whispering, "The only person I wanted to tell, talk to, was you. But that was out of the question. The very thing I wanted most to talk with you about was the thing most impossible to discuss." After a deep breath, "Finally, the term ended. I thought it would get easier when I didn't have to see you every day. It wasn't. Everyday I wondered what you were doing. Thought about how it might have been if we were still together, what we might have found to do. What it would be like to have time together without the stress of work added to everything else. That combined with trying not to think about what might still happen with the baby almost drove me mad. I tried to keep busy, did a 'spring clean' here, then went to Mum's and did one there with her."

Looking at Caroline to see if her interest was flagging she found her paying close attention in spite of the fingers that had moved on to probe Kate's other hand, so she went on, "Later Mum and I took a week's holiday to the sea." Making a frowning face, "it rained about half the time, but there was a Canasta tournament in the dining room of the hotel where we stayed and we had a good enough time with the people there."

Caroline having completed her mapping of Kate's hands still held them gently between them on the counter. Moving stiffly from the hard stool, Kate pulled Caroline with her into the sitting room. "Not long after the fall term began, the first twelve weeks were up. As I told you, I was cautiously optimistic." Seating herself on one end of the sofa, Kate toed off her shoes and putting her feet on the cushion, covered them with the throw that Caroline had used the day before. "I told you before I told my Mum. Somehow, I felt I owed you that. Doesn't make sense, I know," said Kate as she watched Caroline take the armchair directly across from her, watching as she also kicked off shoes and tucked her feet in beside the arm of the chair.

"I could see that day you were surprised, then getting upset. I couldn't make myself say anything personal to you. I hadn't come to terms with my own guilt yet. It was there but I worked hard at convincing myself that everything that went wrong between us was your fault." Kate had been looking at Caroline who was regarding her evenly, listening, comparing what she was hearing to her own memories of that day.

Seeing that Caroline wasn't going to speak, Kate continued with her monolog. "I waited, thinking that you might say something but you only ended the interview. I was pleased when you congratulated me, but there didn't seem to be anything more to say, so I went." Kate looked at Caroline, from under dark lashes, her head lowered slightly, "Not before I heard you gasp for breath as I closed the door. That... hit me." Kate put her hand to her heart. Continuing softly, remembering, "The outer office was empty at the time and I just stood there wondering if I should go back in. But it felt too big by then, too much time had passed, so I just... left." Silent now, Kate looked at Caroline looking back at her, mouth downturned, hands clasping knees to her chest, obviously re-living the grief of that day and the days that followed.

Kate put her feet flat on the floor leaning forward, elbows on knees, hands in front of her, looking down for a long moment unable to bear seeing Caroline like this. She raised her eyes to find tears rolling down Caroline's cheeks, unchecked. "God, Caroline, this is almost as bad as living through it, isn't it?"

Then Caroline put her hands to her face to wipe away the tears, the cords of her neck showing the effort she made to control herself. Apologetically, "Sorry. Sorry." Then in a determined voice, "We have to do it. It has to be done if we are going to find a way forward." Urging Kate to resume her story, "So, you told your Mum then?"

Kate sat back, remembering that visit to her Mum's. "Yes, that weekend. She was teasing me about putting on weight. So, I told her that I was pregnant. She was quite surprised, shocked really. She had no reason to think that this was even a possibility." Kate looked down at her hands, a grave look on her face. "She was appalled. She didn't know whether to ask why or how first." With a sad smile Kate looked up at Caroline, "You don't know my mother well, but for her to be speechless is almost as difficult to picture as Celia speechless." Watching her nervous fingers picking at one another in her lap, Kate said, "that was one of the hardest things I think I have ever had to do. Explain this to my mother."

Brown eyes met acute blue ones still taking in everything, the words said and unsaid, the body language, the eyes and expressions of the narrator. "Almost as difficult as what I did to you, as hard at that may be for you to hear. Then, when I dumped you, my own hurt and disappointment fueled me. This time, I had to work to try to make my mother understand how I could have come to such a decision in light of my history."

At Caroline's questioning look, Kate resumed her story, " Mum was angry with me, for putting myself in a position to go through what I'd been through before. Something bizarre happens with my hormones following a pregnancy. Even one that doesn't go to term, well, I never went full term so how would I know about that? It turns me mean and slightly depressive. Watching Caroline, Kate saw a sympathetic look take over her features.

Unable to remain silent, she reproached, "Kate. You never told me there were more than the usual problems for you. More than being 42 with a history of miscarriage."

"Caroline, I'm sorry that I didn't tell you everything. You weren't that keen on my getting pregnant with just the usual worries, plus the two women raising a family thing at such an early stage of our relationship. I knew if I told you all of my history, you would be even less inclined to agree."

Caroline's expression registered the recognition that she felt she had been deceived by Kate. She willed herself to remain silent, waiting to be told the rest.

Taking a deep breath, Kate went on. "I told you last night how horrible I was to Richard after I lost the babies. Things had been going downhill between us, as you might imagine. After the fourth time, Richard refused to try for another baby. He thought it was not good for my well being. Eventually, that took its toll on our marriage and we broke down."

Seeing Caroline's nod of understanding and another for her to continue, "I think my mother, in a certain way, was relieved when the marriage ended. I think she thought at least now the chance of another pregnancy was off the table. She was also disappointed, she liked Richard." Shrugging, "Why not, he really is a good person, and no one could have been better to me. The ending of the marriage was my fault for insisting that we keep trying for a baby. It took me a long time to come to terms with that guilt, along with the actual loss of Richard and the emotional support he provided, even when I was horrible to him, and of course, always, the loss of the babies."

At these revelations, Caroline considered all that Kate had experienced, felt sorrow and sympathy for all that she had lost. Unable to keep her distance any longer she was once again on her knees in front of Kate, stroking her cheek, saying gently, "Oh Kate, I had no idea. You should have told me."

Remorse writ large on her face, Kate only said softly in a regretful tone, "When would have been a good time for _that_ conversation, Caroline?"

Nodding vigorously, leaning in to kiss Kate's cheek and nodding again, Caroline conveyed her acknowledgement that there really never had been time for them to get this deeply personal with one another before.

Trying to understand, "So, you were willing to risk miscarriage again, all of these hormonal issues, possibly depression for the chance to have a baby?" Kate shrugged, embarrassed, she couldn't understand this thing that drove her, how could she explain it to Caroline? Caroline seeing what Kate was going through decided they had both had enough for the time being.

Rising quickly to her feet, she pulled Kate up as well. "Time for a break. Loo?" At Kate's nod, Caroline asked, "Are you alright?" Smiling, Kate nodded again. Caroline moved aside for her to pass, watching as Kate moved up the stairs out of sight. Glad to be up and moving around again, Caroline paced the floor a few times and stopped to look out the window at the back garden with unseeing eyes.

What did this mean for Kate now? Was her pregnancy in more danger than Kate had let on? If she did lose the baby, what then? How would Kate react? If she delivered the child, would she suffer the same hormonal issues? Perhaps be depressed? Would she be able to cope with these circumstances if they arose? So many questions and no answers.

By this time, Kate was beside her, searching Caroline's face for clues to what she was thinking. Caroline, not really knowing yet herself could not let her in. Instead, she suggested a walk since the sun was out and the breeze calm. Kate readily agreed. She shared that her doctor had recommended light regular exercise as being in all ways a benefit to her.

The two women, in scarves, gloves and warm winter coats set off to the local market to pick up a few things for tomorrow's meals. The sun made them both feel better. They talked of the neighborhood and other inconsequential matters on the way.

Returning, they walked quietly for a time, each considering what Kate had shared with Caroline this morning and what it might mean for the life they had only just begun to plan together. After a while, Caroline looked at Kate's profile for a moment before Kate turned her head. Still walking, Caroline said, "You didn't tell me the rest of the conversation you had with your Mum. The day that you told her you were pregnant." Pausing to see Kate's reaction, Caroline saw the tiredness beginning to etch this face, which could never be anything but beloved to her. "Kate, I wouldn't ask now but we are meeting your Mum for dinner. It might be best for me to know before then."

Kate agreed, "No, no, you're right." Trying to remember where she had left off with that narrative Kate walked more slowly until she began again. Looking at Caroline "As a mother, you will probably understand my Mum being unhappy with me. She told me that she could possibly have understood if I were married and the pregnancy somehow happened in spite of having taken the precautions any prudent couple would in light of my history and complications. She simply could not believe that I had been foolish enough, to knowingly go to the lengths that apparently I had to become pregnant."

"She asked why I would do this. I couldn't explain it to her any better than I did to you last night. Finally, she just shook her head." Resuming their walk, Kate went on, "Finally, she sat up and started asking questions. She asked how far along I was. I told her and," smiling grimly "I saw her doing the arithmetic in her head and the comprehension come into her face before she asked me if this is why you and I were no longer together."

Their pace had slowed so that they were barely strolling now. At this, Caroline began walking almost sideways so that she could see Kate's face. Kate shrugged, "There was never much point in trying to hide things from Mum, she is much too sharp." Stopping now, glancing around, Kate saw that no other pedestrians were in sight; she sat down on the nearby bus stop bench. Caroline perched on the edge, sideways next to her. "She just looked at me then as if she was trying to fathom what in the world had come over me to cause me to be willing to sacrifice not only my own well-being but a relationship with the person I loved to try for this baby."

Kate sagged for a moment, remembering her mother's searching eyes upon her. Raising eyes brimming with unshed tears, Kate looked into the soft blue eyes which held no more comprehension than her mother's had. "Caroline, I wish that I could make you understand. I don't expect you to, but I wish someone did. And if I could choose, it would be you I most wanted to be able to appreciate how much this baby means to me." Then the tears did spill over.

Caroline presented a packet of tissues to Kate who went through a few before she was able to regain control. Gratified that she was the one Kate needed most and sympathetic to her plight, Caroline considered matters until Kate was ready to talk again. "I know it must be lonely for you with no one understanding what it was that brought you to this point." Tucking a straying lock of hair behind Kate's ear, "I'm not sure that's the important thing anymore. What we need to think about now is taking the best care possible of you and the baby. We'll just take things one day at a time and make sure that you get plenty of rest, good food and some exercise each day. Laying ungloved fingers on Kate's cheek and smiling reassuringly, she hoped more reassuringly than she felt at the moment, "We will make it our goal to give you the healthiest circumstances that any expectant mother could wish for." Giving an emotional little choked sort of a laugh Caroline leaned in and hugged Kate to her, desperately pressing her cheek to Kate's as if sheer determination alone would make everything come out all right.

Pulling apart, they each took a new tissue to wipe away the tears, taking turns blotting the other's face then their own. Somewhat recovered, Caroline pulled Kate to her feet as was becoming her habit and stooping gathered up the carrier bags of groceries saying, "Good thing it's cold outside or the milk would be spoiled." Pointing her elbow out toward Kate, the red-gloved hand went through and rested on Caroline's forearm and they strolled the rest of the way home.

Upon arrival, Caroline insisted that Kate once again stretch out for a rest and better yet, a nap. Kate turned pleading eyes on Caroline, "please come with me. Don't make me go up there alone, not today." Caroline seeing the stress of need, kissed Kate's cheek and nodding said, "let me put away the things that need refrigeration."

Having changed into a loose fitting wrapper, Kate only relaxed once Caroline had slid under the covers behind her, again wedging herself in to support the tired back. It didn't take long before Caroline could tell by Kate's even breathing that she had dropped off to sleep. With her arms wrapped around the two beating hearts beside her, Caroline for the first time let herself consider fully the magnitude of what she had taken on by loving Kate. Not that she had a choice. Not once she had begun to let her in almost a year ago. The love she felt for Kate had taken on a life of its own. Her heart beat fast at the thought of what could be just ahead for the three of them.

Of course, that's always the chance one took with love, wasn't it? Anyone's spouse or child could come down with an illness or injury that caused untold heartache. It was part of life. She wanted to talk to Kate's Mum, she would get Mrs. McKenzie's views on the matter. That settled in her mind, Caroline returned to listening to Kate breath and without realizing, dropped off to sleep in the middle of the afternoon for a second day in a row.

Wakened by the subtle buzz that was her mobile vibrating on the bedside table, Caroline reached to look at the screen and found a text from Laurence with the news that the rugby team had won the match today and giving her the seed status they would enjoy tomorrow. Smiling, she texted her congratulations and her love.

Kate, having been wakened by the loss of her back support rolled toward Caroline. Watching as she keyed in the message, Kate reached out a hand to finger a lock of blonde hair. Feeling this tender touch, Caroline turned back after she set aside the device and placed a hand on the side of Kate's stomach. The baby had wakened also, stretching slightly then placed a kick that made Kate wince. Caroline followed the tiny movements once again with her fingers, a rapt look coming over her face.

Kate seeing this tender regard was overcome with emotion at the thought that after everything she had told Caroline today, here she was right beside her, holding her, enchanted with the child inside her. How could she be so fortunate as to have someone like Caroline, have her be as faithful and true as Caroline was being to her?

Smiling up at Kate, Caroline was startled to see tears once more on Kate's cheeks. "Kate! What is it? Are you alright?"

Kate just shook her head, using fingers to wipe away the tears. "Just feeling very, very lucky to have you in my life. After everything I told you today, here you are being so loving to me and to the baby."

"Our baby," Caroline corrected, looking earnestly into Kate's liquid brown eyes. "Ours" she repeated.

Seeing emotion returning to Kate's face, she sweetly laid her lips on the quivering brown ones before her. Then in one quick movement rolled out of the bed onto her feet, saying, "Right. Dinner with your Mum. What shall I wear?"

Beholding the vision, which was a rumpled, tousle headed Caroline, back lit by the sun setting in the window behind her, Kate said without hesitation, "Heels."

Caroline laughed out loud, "I might draw more than Mr. Fields' attention if I showed up at your favorite restaurant in only heels," once again giving the pose she had made for the passing car.

Kate, laughing now in spite of the stern look that she gave Caroline. "Well then, the green dress?"

No, no, your mother has already seen that, she'll think I only have one outfit. Besides I didn't bring it along." Teasing and talking as they dressed, the two companionably moved around the bedroom and bath, in and out of one another's space with an admiring glance here and a quick kiss there as if they had been doing so for years.


	13. Chapter 13

**13 Dinner with Mrs. McKenzie**

Since they planned to pick up Kate's mother for dinner tonight, they had brought Caroline's Jeep. It had four doors and was easier for adults to get into and out of than Kate's car. Caroline, knowing she would be the one forming her long legs into a pretzel to get into and out of the back seat of Kate's two-door car had talked Kate into leaving hers on Conway Drive for the time being when they had set off to drop Laurence at the school.

So, Friday evening, Caroline behind the wheel, where she was most comfortable in any car, they drove to Mrs. McKenzie's and on to the restaurant. It was fortunate that Kate had made a reservation as this was a popular place tonight in the middle of the holiday season. Seeing Kate and Mrs. McKenzie standing inside the door, the owner, Mr. Balboa came forward to welcome them both like the old friends they were and to be introduced to Caroline. With an admiring glance that took in the loveliness of all three women, Mr. Balboa showed them immediately to a table in one of the quieter corners of the dining room.

During dinner, the recent events in Caroline's family were discussed, the reunion of Celia and Alan, the wedding and the houseful of newly acquired family members that Caroline had entertained on Christmas. Then on to the family gathering the McKenzies had enjoyed on Christmas Day.

Mrs. McKenzie gave Caroline a synopsis of the immigration of her parents to Britain from Nigeria following the war and their settlement in Manchester where her father had connections and found work. How she and her only sister had been born here but because they spoke their native dialect in the home during formative years, both girls had retained a trace of foreign cadence in their speech. Their father had been successful and the parents had saved to send their daughters to university. This is where she met Alistair McKenzie and the two of them had been so in love that they had braved the mores of their day to marry and raise a family. It had not been easy for them, especially in the beginning, but as the years went on and society changed, little by little they had fewer problems of that kind. It also helped that over time the families of each had grown to respect one another and extended family life on both sides became more relaxed and cordial.

Then Mrs. McKenzie asked about Caroline's boys and her mother, so she shared a little about her own background and her marriage to John which had ended and was about to be formalized by a divorce. Kate's Mum had known a little about the family tension over Caroline's relationship with Kate all those months ago and asked what the situation was like now. Caroline was candid in telling Mrs. McKenzie that her parents had not had a happy marriage and as a result, her mother had felt gossiped about for years and this sensitivity had come into play when she learned of Caroline's feelings for Kate. She also related that her mother had come a long way toward acceptance of their relationship and that she and Caroline had had two good discussions on the topic in the last few days. Caroline went on to say that William had been pleased for her and Kate from the beginning but that Laurence had displayed negative behavior. That had been when things had been the most strained between Caroline and his father. Now he was getting adjusted to those changes, she thought that it would become easier for him to accept her and Kate as a couple.

By this time they had finished their meal and the restaurant crowd was thinning. The topic now being Kate and Caroline as a couple, Mrs. McKenzie regarded the two younger women at the table. First she turned to her daughter, read the sorrow Kate felt for once again causing her mother such worry and dread of what might happen to her only daughter. She also saw the love and respect for herself that had always been there. Tonight, for the first time in a long time she recognized another light in Kate's eyes. A light that had once been put there by Richard, then, more recently, last spring it had come back and after a time, Kate had told her mother about Caroline. She hadn't been sure then just how happy she was prepared to be by this development but before there had been much chance to do more than meet Caroline, it had ended. It had not been a happy summer for her Kate and in the fall had come the news of this pregnancy and all the old apprehension and anxiety had returned for them both.

Caroline had been admiring the elegant older woman throughout their conversation. There was something quite unusual about her, a quality that was difficult to describe. It was clear where Kate had come by her composure and self-possession, the grace with which she met whatever came her way.

Then, Mrs. McKenzie turned intense dark eyes upon her. Feeling the full force of intellect brought to bear on her now by this striking woman, Caroline felt that it would not be easy to hide anything from these discerning eyes. Not wishing to hide anything from Kate's mother, Caroline still felt somewhat invaded by the perceptive penetrating gaze. More accustomed to doing the searching than being searched, she realized that she had more than met her match in Mrs. McKenzie. The dark eyes on hers read all of this and moved on to see if the commitment necessary to deal with what might be in store for them all if things went badly for Kate would be there in time of need. Caroline, knowing what she would want to find if one of her children were in a similar situation, opened herself before the maternal heart.

Mrs. McKenzie recognized this as well and seeing all that she could ask for and more in the startlingly blue eyes of this woman, who was so obviously in love with her daughter, she at last released Caroline. Satisfied that whatever came, Caroline would be there for Kate, something inside her relaxed a little. She knew that this vital, intelligent woman would be there for her too if things got rough. This weight was no longer only hers to bear but could be, would be shared with this woman who was, in her own right, a force to be reckoned with.

Kate was well aware of the perceptive powers of her mother and of the many friends of hers through the years who had failed the testing which Caroline was now undergoing. A testing that would have been much less searching than the scrutiny her mother would be putting upon Caroline tonight because of the seriousness of the current circumstances. While she harbored a small apprehension for Caroline's reaction to being the scrutinized rather than the one performing the analysis, she had every confidence that her beloved was equal to this examination.

Seeing her Mum relax as she glanced at Kate over her coffee cup, Kate could not help the broad smile that took over her face. Caroline, seeing Kate's smile as confirmation of what she already knew as she had been doing some discerning of her own during this silent exchange. The older woman observing them, patted Kate's hand.

Caroline turning back to her new ally, began, "Mrs. McKenzie," before being interrupted by the warm soft voice of Kate's mother.

"Caroline, I think you had better begin calling me Edie." Caroline, acknowledging the respect that this denoted returned it with her eyes, a nod and the simple enunciation of her name, "Edie." A token of friendship handed back to her newest family member.

Kate was beaming that things were going so well between these two that she loved so much. She knew that after the difficult conversations she and Caroline had been having regarding her condition, Caroline would welcome some time to talk to Kate's Mum without her being present. Seeing that Mr. &amp; Mrs. Balboa had seated themselves for the first time tonight at a table near the door with cups of steaming coffee, she excused herself from the table telling them that she was going over to say hello to her friends. Before she rose, she put her hand over her mother's and told her earnestly, "I don't have any secrets from Caroline. Not anymore. Neither should you." Having granted permission for the conversation she knew these two needed to have with one another, Kate left the table with a smile for each.

Caroline and Edie watched Kate walk across the dining room then turned back to regard the other. For the first time they were alone in one another's company. Edie began with the topic still foremost on her heart. "Kate has told you then about what has happened to her in the past when she lost the babies." This was a statement, not a question because she had seen the weight on Caroline's heart, a match to her own. At Caroline's nod of assent, "And what could happen even if the baby is born safely?"

Caroline's eyes moving to Kate, seated across the room, laughing at something Mrs. Balboa had told her, turned back to Edie. "Yes, she has. She's been very forthright with me now. Since we have been talking again. I wouldn't mind hearing things from your point of view though."

"Yes," Edie replied, regarding Caroline thoughtfully, "I would like to tell you. I want to be sure you are prepared…" now allowing the anxiety to show fully on her face for the first time. "Prepared in case things go wrong." With that she told Caroline the difficult story of her daughter's hormonal battles and mild depressions and the havoc it wrought on the marriage of Kate and Richard. Essentially, the same story Kate had told with some added details that Kate might not have known due to the state she had been in at the time. It was not an easy story to tell but it was apparent that Edie was relieved to have someone with whom to share the burden of what might happen again and to know that it wasn't all up to her anymore, now that Caroline was part of Kate's life.

She finished by telling exactly this to Caroline, saying, "I'm no longer as young as I once was. Caring for Alistair takes a lot out of me these days. Even though he's in a home, it is still difficult." Caroline shared that her father had ended his days in a similar state so she had some idea of the strain that it could be on a family.

Caroline broached the other topic that concerned her, "Did Kate tell you how she got pregnant?"

"Greg." Edie spat out his name with contempt. "At first when she told me, I assumed that she had gone to a clinic, she said it was a donor. When I started asking questions she finally told me that she'd had sex with this Greg she knew in university days."

"So, you know him?" queried Caroline.

"Yes. Well, from years ago, Kate's second year at university. She brought him home for a weekend. Her father and I didn't understand what she saw in him. He was always talking, talking, talking, even when he had nothing to say. After the second visit didn't go any better than the first she never brought him home again. After a while, she told us she'd broken off with him and was seeing other people."

Watching Caroline as she spoke, Edie could see by the look of satisfaction on the younger woman's face that her evaluation of Greg had matched that of his parents. "You've met him, then Caroline?"

Caroline looked down briefly, remembering, "Yes, we met him for a drink the night before Kate's birthday. Then he invited himself to dinner."

Seeing the face on Caroline at this revelation, Edie gave a short laugh of sympathy, "Sounds just like him. I guess he hasn't changed much." She went on, "This was the weekend you and Kate went away together?"

Caroline now searched Edie's face, uncertain just how much of their story Kate had shared with her mother. Remembering the tacit permission that Kate had bestowed upon them when she left the table and reckoning that this part was as much her story as Kate's. Besides it touched on the condition both women were afraid of for Kate's sake. Caroline went on, "Yes, Kate had told me that she wanted a baby. Only that, and the fact that she had lost four babies when she was married to Richard. None of the rest, about hormone issues or depressions."

Caroline could see on Edie's face that she had wondered about this. "Kate had just told me that she wanted to have a baby. I could see how important it was to her. I sensed a certain... desperation but chalked that up to her age and the fact that time was running out for her in this department. I knew nothing of," with a turn of her hand, "all the rest."

Looking across the room, eyes drawn once again to Kate, Caroline saw her glance back at the same time. Their eyes met, Kate nodded almost imperceptibly, once again giving Caroline the permission she needed to speak freely to Kate's mother. Turning back, she saw that Edie had witnessed this exchange and waited for Caroline to go on with her story. "I did some research on the internet, so I knew that women over 40 had a more difficult time becoming pregnant and then if they were with child, faced additional risks. I tried to talk her out of it." With a softened face and tilt of the head, Caroline continued, "She so wanted to be a Mum. Of course, I understood that. My boys are so precious to me. I'd hoped that weekend we'd be able to talk it all over in a more relaxed setting. Talk about whether this really should be pursued and if so, discuss logistics…" With a shrug, Caroline stopped.

Seeing that Edie agreed that she had been on the right track with Kate, "but then, _bloody_ Greg invited himself along. "Sorry, that just slipped out, I guess I've called him that in my mind so long that it seems to be a part of his name now."

Edie's eyes crinkled at this, unable to hold back a small smile, with a shake of her head and a wave of her hand she indicated that Caroline should continue.

"She'd already told me that she would like for him to be the donor and that…" Caroline paused and deciding that the scientific term was best, went on, "coitus was the best means of achieving conception and with the odds not being with her at this point, that was her plan."

Even the normally confident Caroline was a bit embarrassed to be telling all of this to the mother of her lover. Feeling the warmth in her face, Caroline did her best to tell the rest as quickly as possible. After he turned up, conversation between us became impossible. At breakfast the next morning I told her I didn't think Greg was the right candidate and she turned on me. Dumped me and proceeded with her plan to get pregnant by Greg." Failing to keep the raw pain from her face before Edie, she saw the sympathy in the older woman's eyes and this almost did her in.

Edie, seeing Caroline working hard to regain control of her emotions, retold what Kate had said of the matter to her. "Kate told me of how convinced she had been that this was her last chance to conceive. That she felt compelled to conceive. I wasn't sure I believed her at first. I still do not understand why a normally reasonable, clever woman would deliberately put herself through this, knowing what she did about her history." Shaking her head still trying to make sense of it all, Edie looked at Caroline who was now more herself, "And on top of all that, to do what she did, in spite of you and your opinion. Someone I know she loved then and I know she loves now." Edie raised her hands, palms up, able to make no more of these happenings than Caroline.

These two astute women sat regarding one another silently. Both perplexed at this thing that had possessed the Kate they both loved. This shared bond cemented their newfound friendship. Finding nothing left to be said tonight on this subject they looked around realizing that the restaurant was now almost deserted. Edie and Caroline both rose a little stiffly after having sat so long in one place.

Kate seeing her mother and Caroline walking toward her, each with love in her eyes for Kate, knew it was going to be alright between them.


	14. Chapter 14

**14 Saturday Morning - Bloody Greg**

At breakfast, they discussed the dinner they had shared with Kate's mother. Caroline told Kate how much she liked and admired Edie. Kate offered that Edie was a nickname, given by a childhood friend who could not pronounce her mother's Nigerian name, Edelokun, which had been bestowed by parents fresh from their homeland. Even though the parents had called their daughters by their Nigerian names until the day they died, both girls had anglicized names that they used with everyone else.

"I'm glad to see you and Mum getting on." Kate looked into Caroline's eyes. "It could have been difficult if you hadn't. With a wry face, "We could have had a replay of my relationship to Celia." Kate reflected, you are both so perceptive. I wasn't sure what was going to happen when you each went into 'intuitive mode' last night."

Caroline laughed out loud, "Intuitive Mode." Drawing out the syllables deliberately. "Sounds like a cue for the spooky music to begin."

Kate smiling at Caroline's intonation of the words but indignant at being made the butt of the joke, "So, what would you call it?" Kate challenged.

"Well, we were just getting to know one another…" seeing the look on Kate's face and knowing the next word to come out of her mouth, they finished at the same time, "intuitively," laughing together.

"I think you'll find that my mother is coming around. She'll see our commitment to one another now and she'll become used to things as they are." Caroline saw a shadow pass across Kate's expression. "Whot?"

Seeing the concern on Caroline's face, "No, no, I think you're right about Celia. I think too it will get better in time." Silent, Kate scanned Caroline's face.

"Whot?" repeated Caroline.

"You said 'our commitment to one another'." Looking worried, "do you really mean that? After… everything?"

Caroline looked appraisingly into Kate's eyes. They both knew that there was still one topic to be brought into the open. Each was loath to begin, knowing that it had the power still, to knock them off course. The sexual attraction between them had been passionate from the start. The rule it exerted often surprised them both. Neither had felt quite this level of desire for anyone else. Ever. It was something unique and precious that they had marveled over between themselves.

Then, without warning, Kate had been willing to callously cast aside this momentous thing that had sprung up between them, to… My God, today, in the presence of Kate, Caroline found that she could not even form the words for what had happened not in her own mind, let alone say them aloud. The cords in her neck standing out prominently, almost overcome, Caroline turned and walked into the sitting room from the kitchen where Kate remained for a long moment, trying to decide how to proceed. Trying to find a way to defuse this explosive matter.

She'd known since the night that she drove back to the hotel from Harrogate that if Caroline was still willing to reopen their relationship, this would come up. They would not be able to put it off for long. She was surprised even now that it had waited this long. In fact, this was the stumbling block that had kept her from Caroline as much as anything else. No matter how she turned it, phrased it, nothing mitigated, even in her own mind, what she had done to Caroline. Done to them both by being willing to set aside the treasure they had found in one another to have sex with Greg. Perform this most intimate act with someone other than Caroline in order to create a baby. No. For the _chance_ to have a baby.

She had no defense save that the long held urge to conceive a child had been so strong in her that it took precedence. Precedence over Caroline in her life. Precedence over her own well being. She had made the choice that had brought them here. Kate knew the hour was upon her when she simply had to take whatever Caroline meted out. In a sense she welcomed it. Maybe then, at last, some of her guilt would be expiated. Walking to the sitting room door, she found Caroline staring out over the back garden. "Caroline." Kate waited to see what would come next. When Caroline remained at the window, immobile except for putting out a hand to stop Kate from approaching her, Kate seated herself on the sofa.

Resuming her story, "I knew Greg would do almost anything I asked of him. He always had before. After you went upstairs, when he came back to the table, I asked to come to his room to talk. I reckoned that you would come looking for me that night. I didn't want to be in my room when you did." Kate took a steadying breath, "I told him that I wanted a child. Wanted him to… The words stuck in Kate's throat and she stopped speaking.

Caroline turned then with a pained expression, mouth lightly open, her total lack of understanding showing plainly on her face. Kate forced herself to continue, stealing glances at Caroline. "I told him that you were not happy about the method I'd chosen but I didn't care. Told him I planned to send you away in the morning if he would stay the next night and… and…" Kate, overcome with remorse stopped, unable to continue. Finally, braving a look at Caroline she could see only the back of her form, clad in jeans and a sweater, arms hugging herself, head slightly bowed.

Caroline was torn between the empathy she felt for Kate as she told this difficult part of the story and her own pent up indignation. Trying to process this she stared unseeingly out the window remaining motionless for what seemed like an eternity to Kate, waiting for what would come next. When Caroline did turn to face her the pain and ferocity she saw there caused Kate to catch her breath. Kate was glad that she was seated; the force of the look she took from Caroline pushed her back in her seat. Willing herself not to look away, Kate met Caroline's eyes. She tried to let her sorrow and remorse show through. So often, their unspoken communication had said more than the words they'd uttered. Today, Caroline was having none of that.

Through gritted teeth, "So, you wanted to have sex with _bloody_ Greg." Both hands on her hips, she waited for Kate to try to refute this statement.

In a conciliatory tone Kate began, "Caroline, it was just sex. I didn't…"

"Just sex!" spat out Caroline. "I wish to hell on earth someone would explain to me how one '_just_ has sex'. I've never been able to '_just_ have sex'." Glaring at Kate, anger and emotion evident in her voice, "John '_just_ has sex', Gillian '_just_ has sex', now you, you '_just_ have sex'. How _exactly_ does that work?"

Irritation rising in Kate now, she narrowed her eyes at Caroline, her lips pressed against the words her mind was formulating to defend herself. Never having seen Caroline this angry she decided against a reply that would escalate matters and simply said in a severe voice, "Caroline."

Facing Kate, arms akimbo, weight on one foot, the other slightly forward, Caroline was the epitome of an angry woman. "Kate!?" she returned.

Kate's heart skipped a beat, she had never heard her name on Caroline's lips in anything approximating this tone. She was too shocked to reply.

Seeing the effect of her anger on Kate, Caroline was a little shocked at herself. Where had this vitriol come from? She thought she had dealt with this during the long months of separation. She couldn't remember ever having been this infuriated, this hurt. John certainly never had that kind of power over her no matter how useless and stupid he had been. She hadn't even been this furious with her mother the day she received Kate's resignation letter, and she had been very hurt and upset that day. She was scaring herself now. Taking a deep breath and drawing down her shoulders, she found that this helped only a little, so she turned and walked the length of the room and back. Finally, putting her hands on the back of the armchair she had sat in yesterday rather than back on her hips as had been her inclinations, she faced Kate, "So, tell me about '_just_ sex' with _bloody_ Greg," Caroline ordered in a less caustic tone.

When she'd been released by Caroline's eyes which had pinned her in place, keeping her immobile, Kate had slumped as Caroline paced. Breathing again, she sat forward, elbows on knees, her head in her hands as she tried to think what she could say or do to help them past this point. At this command, Kate looked up, "Caroline, I didn't want…"

Still furious, her voice dangerously quiet now "Well, you sure as hell wanted something badly enough to throw me down." Caroline's face and neck working in concert to maintain control showed the depth of emotion she experienced, what it cost her to continue now that they had begun. Again through gritted teeth, "To have the unmitigated gall to sit there and tell me that everything that happened between us was nothing but a fumble." Caroline stopped, waiting for a reply from Kate.

As she opened her mouth to go on, Caroline saw the pain and hurt she had put onto Kate's face and became frightened by the depths of her own anger and pain so she closed it. Fixing on Kate a look filled with such anguish that Kate thought she would never forget it. Turning away finally, Caroline walked to the front of the house to stand unseeing at the dining room window, one arm crossed beneath her breasts supporting the arm that held her hand to her mouth.

Kate tried again, "It wasn't like that Caroline, I told you, it was…"

Turning from the window, walking toward Kate, her voice obviously being controlled by an effort, "Here you were raking _me_ over the coals for being embarrassed to book a double room for us, berating _me_ for not yet coming to terms with having a sexual relationship with a woman and while you were _with me_ you were plotting to have sex with a man." Spitting out the words, "_Bloody_ Greg! Doesn't that strike you as being _something_ of a double standard?"

Exclaiming "Aaaarrrgh!' on a long expelled breath, in frustration, Caroline spun away from Kate's stricken face. She didn't want to do this, didn't want to feel this way, but now that she had begun, the thoughts and images remembered and imagined, had engulfed her as never before. Pacing through the rooms of the first floor, trying to work off some of the emotion that raged within her, Caroline grappled with herself.

At length, somewhat calmer, Caroline came back into the room where Kate still sat on the sofa, waiting for what would come next. Kate knew that today had to be whatever Caroline needed it to be or they could never move forward together.

Caroline sat down, not across from Kate as she had yesterday, but, oddly enough in the chair she had sat in the day she'd received the curt, 'No. Thank you.' from Kate when she'd asked for another chance. The irony of this was not lost on either woman. Both realizing that today, the power over their future rested with Caroline. Considering this, Caroline realized that she wasn't feeling powerful sitting here. She was still bewildered by the force that had driven Kate until she could have betrayed the love that bound them so irrevocably. Betrayed their joy in one another for an objective that had nothing at all to do with Caroline. So at last, it was the curiosity that calmed her the most. Looking over at Kate she saw her gazing out the back window, unable to take in any more of an outraged Caroline. Imperatively, "Kate."

Hearing the calmer note in Caroline's voice and responding to the demand in it, Kate turned her head and met the steel blue eyes. In spite of the responsibility she felt for their being in this position, Kate did not intend to be bullied. So, when she raised her head it was with a certain lift to her chin and a spark in her own eye.

Caroline, seeing this was a little relieved. Her emotions had almost gotten beyond her control. Once she was more herself she had been a little afraid for Kate and the child she carried. Now she said in a small voice to Kate, "What's it like?"

Kate didn't know what she had expected from Caroline but this certainly wasn't it. Kate opened her mouth to speak and then closed it firmly. Surely Caroline wasn't really asking for details. Was she? Caroline still held her eye waiting for an answer. Ire in her voice, "I'm not sure what you are asking me, Caroline."

Her voice dangerously calm, "It's a simple question." Caroline, seeing that Kate had no intention of offering more information than was required, recognized now as she hadn't fully when she'd asked the question, that for her and the way her mind worked, knowing would be better than not knowing. The wondering, the imagining would never let her rest. No matter what Kate told her, if she believed it was the truth, there was a better chance that she would at some point make her peace with it, put it to rest. Now, "did you go to his room or did he come to yours."

Kate closed her eyes, leaning her head on the back of the sofa and realized that she wasn't going get to move past this as she had hoped. "He came to mine."

"When?" the insistent voice continued from a face set and a body rigid and steeled.

Greg knocked on my door to ask if I was ready for breakfast, I sent him down alone. I didn't want to run into you. I wasn't hungry anyway. So, I was there at the window to watch you drive away. I was very angry that you left. I don't ever recall being as angry as I was that day. I could see the car park from my window. I watched you get into your car and leave. I saw how dejected you were by the way you walked. That only made me angrier because I thought; if you really loved me you wouldn't have just walked away. You would have come after me and had it out until we came to an understanding.

Caroline was staggered at this point of view. Her mouth dropped open in astonishment, such a thing had never occurred to her. Kate had cut her to the quick and walked away so coldly. It had seemed so final.

Kate accurately reading these expressions as they played across the face she had studied for so long, knew so well, didn't wait for Caroline to form the words. "I know, later, much later when I could be rational about it all, I realized that this was not something that would probably even occur to you, given your upbringing. I know that now, but reason wasn't part of the equation that day."

Gazing out the window behind Caroline for a moment before reconnecting with the blue eyes that had never left her, "I also realize now, that as much, maybe more of that anger was directed at myself for what I had said to hurt you and for what I still fully intended to do." Looking down at the fingers in her lap plucking nervously at one another, "I needed the anger to fuel what I had to do."

Looking directly at Caroline now, defying her to not believe her, "What I was impelled to do." Then fiercely, "I know you don't believe me. I know my own mother doesn't really believe me but it was a compulsion that I wasn't strong enough to resist even when I knew it was wrong to hurt you in order to do this, in order to have a fighting chance to conceive a baby, before it was _forever_ too late. I can't explain it any better than that."

For Caroline this wasn't new information but the vehemence with which Kate said it this time had the ring of truth and implausible as this story sounded, it was so invariably the same at each telling that either it was actually true or Kate believed that it was true which amounted to the same thing.

Kate saw Caroline taking this in, waited for the fleeting expressions to halt and the blue eyes to see her again. Caroline's face was still inquiring so Kate continued. "Greg came up after his breakfast to see if I was OK, if I needed anything and I let him in. He asked about my plan, I think he thought I was sick or going to follow you back to Harrogate or both. Instead, I told him, 'now'. Lets do it now. He seemed surprised but he agreed."

Hearing Caroline's sharp intake of breath, Kate looked at her raising her eyebrows and tipping her head down, asking mutely if Caroline wanted her to continue. Caroline pulled her head back and her shoulders down then said very quietly, "your going to have to say it."

Kate's eyes moved from taking in Caroline's expressions to lock onto her eyes. Resentment flashed through her at these words, wasn't she being as honest as she knew how to be? How dare Caroline say these words to her. Glaring into the eyes so blue that they hurt her to look into them Kate realized that Caroline was once again allowing her in. The anguish was still there but so was empathy and something else that spoke to Kate of the generous nature and strength of character embodied in this remarkable woman. Seeing all of this was freely offered to her Kate grasped what she'd had no right to believe would be offered. They had always spoken such volumes to one another with their eyes, maybe this is why they hadn't made the space in their lives for the conversations that they should have been having, for discussions that might have taken them on a different path. Might have saved each of them so much suffering.

Eyes still locked, questions and answers flashing between them fast as computer code. Kate's almost drained battery pulled a charge from the reserves of Caroline's natural vitality. This time she heard the love behind the words, "You're going to have to say it." Kate knew Caroline was right, if she didn't say the words out loud to Caroline, this episode could never be over between them.

She'd come this far; she had to say the rest. Kate closed her eyes and resumed in a toneless voice. "I let him watch me undress. I had my back to him, but I knew he was watching. Once I was under the covers, he put the do not disturb notice outside the door. I closed my eyes and waited." Meeting Caroline's eyes she said quietly but still slightly defiant, "So, we did it."

Caroline, needing to know and at the same time not wanting to know, not asking, but stating, "More than once." She was breathing hard now, as if she had just raced up flights of stairs. The pain fully registered on her face. Working hard not to lose control again, she had to know, through barely open lips, "Did you come?"

Kate her sympathy fully aroused now by the sight of the ache on Caroline's face was stunned at this question. She wanted _more_ details? This wasn't enough? Then, wondering if Caroline could take much more Kate tilted her head in another silent question, doubt and warning written on her face.

Caroline, her normally rosy complexion gone grey, demanded through tight lips. "Did you?"

Kate, growing cross now that Caroline would put both of them through this, snapped, "Not then."

At this, a sound escaped Caroline as if she'd been slapped. Kate looked at her regret mixed with censure on her face for Caroline's insistence that they go into this.

Caroline, obviously bracing herself, arms pressed to the chair, tears rolling unchecked down her cheeks, unable to move until she had heard it all. Her voice still demanding, "Tell me the rest."

So angry now that she could no longer look at Caroline, Kate looked out the front window again, over Caroline's shoulder, her voice grudging and irritated, "right after… he fell asleep." Rolling her eyes, still looking past Caroline. "When he woke, I let him. Again." Angry defiant brown eyes on tormented, demanding blue ones, "I'd gone this far. I wanted the best chance possible, so I let him. Again."

Raising her gaze back to the window knowing she would not be able to tell the rest if she had to witness the pain etched face of Caroline, "It wasn't like I'd thought it would be. I thought it could just be a friendly thing, a favor between friends. I guess that was stupid of me. Maybe it was because I had to dump you to do it. Oh, I don't know, it was awful. I couldn't stand to look at him, he'd been far too close before, so I made him take me from behind." Willing herself to finish this and be done, "between the anger raging in me and the physicality…" After a pause, still looking out the window, "Then I asked him to go. As soon as he was out of the room I broke down. I couldn't stop crying. It had been humiliating. I was appalled at myself and yet I knew I would do it again for the chance of a baby. After he left, I showered. Twice.

I called reception to find out what time the next train left from Halifax to Harrogate and if there was a shuttle or if I needed a taxi. Within an hour I was on a train for home. I texted Greg when I got on the train. I didn't want to see him again. I haven't seen him since."

Kate let her gaze drop to find Caroline, rigid in the chair, eyes closed, breathing through her mouth as if there were not enough oxygen in the room. Suddenly she was on her feet, lurching down the hall to the loo. Kate heard her being sick. There hadn't been time to close the door. Feeling a little queasy herself and not from what she was hearing down the hall, Kate took a few steadying breaths before she rose to see if Caroline was going to be all right.

Finding Caroline at the basin washing her face, Kate waited silently. As she turned, her haunted eyes met Kate's. Kate slowly reached out a hand only to see Caroline recoil and give her a warning look. So she just stepped back to let Caroline pass. The baby's weight pressing on her bladder, Kate took her own turn in the loo, wondering if she would have demanded all of this from Caroline if it had been the other way around. It certainly didn't seem to be helping. What had been the point?

Caroline, hearing Kate close the door, stood supporting herself with the back of a chair.

She felt sore, bruised, battered. She also felt suffocated. All at once, she found that she could not remain still. Caroline knew she had to get out of this house. Going to the entry, she was putting on her new down coat when Kate returned.

Kate said in disbelief, "You're leaving? Now! After you put us both through _this_, you're just going to leave?" Throwing her hands up, Kate spun around heading back across the sitting room. "Unbelievable!"

Looking after her, still pulling on gloves, Caroline, the fury having left her, said wearily, "Kate." Seeing that she continued to walk away, she repeated more sharply, "Kate." As Kate turned, "It isn't meant to hurt you. I don't…" closing her eyes, "_want_ to hurt you." With eyes now pleading for understanding, "I just need to be on my own for a while. Take a walk... think, get my bearings again." Seeing no reaction from Kate, she repeated in a softer voice, "I don't want to hurt you. If I stay here, I don't know what will come out of me. I need to be on my own for a while. Can you understand that?"

Compassion reasserted itself in Kate's face, "Go then. If you must." Watching Caroline pull on the smart fur hat, "do you have your phone?"

Caroline held it up, a tight smile on her face. Closing her eyes for just an instant, Caroline tilted her head and gave Kate a look of apology, "I have to go. Bye." Opening the door, pausing to look at a confused and distressed Kate she said once more, "Bye." She was gone.

Kate, collapsing into the nearest chair, let out a deep breath and felt the tears forming in her eyes as she stared at the closed door. Feeling the baby kick she wondered how all of this had affected her child. Realized that she had been thinking much less about the baby these last days since she had been around Caroline so much, wondered if this was a good thing or not. Her stomach rumbled and Kate realized that it was after 1:00. They'd had only toast and cereal for breakfast today. Her first thought was for Caroline out walking on an empty stomach in the emotional state that she was in. Did she take her purse? Did she have money in her pocket? Sighing deeply, Kate thought rationally, 'she _is_ a grown woman, surely she can take care of herself.' Then continued to worry. When her stomach growled again, Kate pushed herself wearily from the chair. She knew she needed to eat for the sake of her child if not for herself.

Moving to the kitchen, Kate heated soup from a tin and ate it sitting on a stool at the kitchen counter. Looking out at the winter landscape of her garden, she realized that the sun had disappeared and the wind had picked up since morning. She watched the steadily swaying the branches of the bare trees. Thinking about Caroline out walking in the bitter wind, Kate began to worry again.


	15. Chapter 15

**15 Saturday Afternoon - Walk it Out**

Caroline was at first too preoccupied with her thoughts and emotions to notice the wind. Starting down the path from Kate's front door, she had picked up speed as she turned onto the sidewalk, automatically heading in the same direction as the wind, no destination in mind. The fresh air felt good in her lungs. Head down, wind at her back, thoughts racing through her mind. She saw no one she passed that day on Kate's street. Not even Mr. Field, who, realizing that he had been ignored, finally turned to look after this stunning blond woman in her winter coat.

Trying to race past images of Kate in a white sheeted bed with Greg, Caroline's stride never let up. Dear God, why had she asked? Why had Kate told her? No, no, no. Keep walking, _keep_ _walking_. Caroline's long legs carrying her at pace down the tree lined street quickly brought her within sight and sound of the main thoroughfare. Not wanting to put herself into the bustle of a holiday crowd, Caroline turned into the next neighborhood street that she came upon. Now the wind hit the left side of her face sharply. Pulling the smart faux fur hat down further on that side and her scarf as far up as she could to meet it, Caroline kept up the pace. In her current state she would have been unable to stop even if there had been a place to get out of the wind.

Physically, Caroline was in better shape than she'd been for some time. During the summer break she had begun a walking program. It was something to do. As an added benefit she found that it did help her state of mind somewhat and allowed her to fall asleep a little easier at night. When the term began she hadn't had as much time for walking but managed to get in a few sesions each week. This stamina was to her advantage today.

Eventually even this endurance deserted her in the biting wind. Spotting a neighborhood cafe, Caroline went in, grateful for the warmth and a respite from the wind. As the young waiter came to her table she realized how hungry she was and ordered soup and a sandwich with her tea. Hearing the tone which signaled a text from her youngest, Caroline pulled the phone from her pocket to find a triumphant message telling her that the rugby team had won two matches today and that Laurence had scored a tri in each. She responded with a note of congratulations and motherly pride, smiling to know that he was having such a good trip. It occurred to her that she should send a text to Kate. She might be napping, but she might be worrying. Caroline opted to send the message. Told Kate she was having a sandwich and would be back before dark.

Her meal tasted wonderful, the soup and hot tea had the desired warming effect. Reflecting more calmly now on the morning Caroline tried her best to be fair to Kate. She hadn't wanted to give the details of her encounter with Greg. She herself had forced it out of her, thinking that if she knew she could deal with it.

Well, now she knew. How was she going to deal with it? She wasn't sure. When John had been unfaithful to her she had been upset but somehow this was different. How was it different? She knew now that even at the time of John's admission to his affair, she hadn't really been in love with him for a long time. It was more the public humiliation that had rankled. That and the fact that she felt she had deserved better from him. To have asked for a divorce would have been bad enough but to have him run off with the pathetic Judith had been beyond the pale. And sure enough it wasn't long before everyone knew. She had eventually come to terms with this largely since she came to realize that because John was so naturally sloppy in his thinking and increasingly more of a drunk, that the things that outraged her were usually done for purely selfish reasons of his own, not particularly aimed at her. She was just collateral damage.

Through all of this, Kate had listened to everything Caroline had told her of these situations. Invited her confidences as a way to get close to her. Kate had come to know her so well. Caroline sometimes thought Kate knew her better than she knew herself. She had been a sponge soaking up everything she could learn about Caroline, everything Caroline had been willing or able to share. Kate was so perceptive and attentive; she had missed nothing in her study of Caroline. Reading between the lines and reflecting Caroline back to herself in a way that helped her gain self-awareness. Then, unbelievably, she had knowingly, deliberately betrayed everything she knew Caroline held in esteem. The betrayal of this intimacy was as painful as Kate having sex with Greg, two sides of the same coin.

Having discharged some of the energy, which had coursed through her earlier, Caroline tried to come to terms with what had happened between Kate and Greg. Even the things that she had known in her head for all of these months, like the only too obvious fact that Kate had indeed had sex with Greg were somehow borne in upon her bodily now. There was a leaden weight in her chest. How to dislodge it? How did they go on from here? Could there be a 'they'?" How was she going to get past this?

How was she to find a way forward with these images in her brain? She _had_ asked for it. _Made_ Kate tell her. Her innate sense of fairness would not let her duck responsibility for demanding these details. But Kate had done it. Been willing to dump Caroline, have sex with someone she didn't even really like to have a chance for a baby. Kate had been willing to sacrifice the amazing love and passion they felt for one another to try for a baby.

Could she, Caroline, ever picture herself this desperate for a child? No. But then, she had two perfect, healthy sons didn't she? She had never been through what Kate had been through. No matter what happened between her and John, she knew that she would always have the love of her boys. Kate hadn't had that. Not ever. She had been alone in a way that Caroline hadn't been alone since she was in her early twenties. Sure Kate had her Mum, and her Dad was still here, but barely. One day they would both be gone and Kate would be alone. Well, she wouldn't have been alone though would she? She'd have had Caroline, wouldn't she? Would she? Really?

Remembering those days, Caroline had to be honest, with all the turmoil in her home, had she really been there for Kate? The truth, she knew, is that she really hadn't offered Kate much security. Sure, she had told her she wanted to spend the rest of her life with her. And she did, but that had been tossed off in the context of another subject, keeping the house, not in a time and place and in a way that would offer a woman security. Caroline knew she hadn't really been present for Kate. There were simply too many balls in the air at any given moment and she had taken for granted Kate's patience, her devotion, her serenity. Taken for granted Kate's ability to be a calming influence on her. Taking, taking, taking. Never giving back. Her own selfishness had fed this need for a child, a family of her own in Kate. What a bitch she had been. Instead of Kate's sharing with Caroline her desire for a baby being an impetus for them to talk and get to know one another better, she had been dismissive and once again made Kate feel like she wasn't important to her.

She had used Kate to drive John out of the house instead of dealing with him long before that as she ought to have done. If she was honest with herself, she should have waited to take up with Kate until she had her marriage sorted. It wasn't fair to either of them to have begun a new relationship in the midst of so much chaos. The chaos had been inside of her as well as in the household.

She knew better than to have let things happen as they had. She should have been stronger, wiser for both of them, for all of them. She, Caroline had let them all down. It was so clear now. Well, she had known that all along hadn't she? Just hadn't been willing to admit it. Now there was a chance to make it right. Kate was willing to give her another chance after all this clumsy fumbling. Well, maybe. After the way she had just left would Kate still give her another chance? Had she blown it again? Dear God, please help me get this right.

Before she went back she had to deal with this matter of Greg having sex with Kate. Could she really put that behind her? Put it out of her mind to continue a sexual relationship with Kate? The thought that he had brought Kate to orgasm, had been privileged to hear the sounds she would have made then, felt the contractions of her body... Caroline went rigid against the back of the booth, her breath coming in short gasps. Dear God. That is where she should not go. Could not go, ever again if she was really going back to make this work with Kate. Could she do that? She knew that she had to put it behind her, forget it in any context except that Greg had played a role in the conception of the child she already loved. The baby she had seen on the monitor, the tiny heart she had seen beating. The little limbs she played tag with whenever she could get near Kate's stomach. The kicking that commenced whenever they squeezed her between them too hard. That is what she had to think of, this new life that would soon be with them in person.

Thinking of the baby lightened the load on her heart. She wanted this baby now as much as she had ever wanted William or Laurence. It wasn't growing in her body this time but she wanted it fiercely. Life with out Kate and this child was unthinkable. She resolved to do whatever it cost her to make it work this time.

Could she really forgive Kate? Yet, amazingly, some part of her already had, she realized. Caroline had felt the impact of Kate's breach of trust from the day it happened. Still there had been _something_ in her that allowed her to go to Kate to ask for another chance as if the fault had been hers alone. That same _something_ which had carried her down the staircase at Sulgrave Heath and on to St. Margaret's, at pace, to find Kate and make sure that she was alright and if there was anything that she could do for her. The same _something_ that had allowed her to take up Kate's challenge to dance at the wedding, in front of virtually everyone she knew. What was it? What was this indefinable _something_?

All at once Caroline sat bolt upright as the realization of the fact that her love for Kate overrode everything. Her love for Kate contained that quality of unconditional love that her love for her sons contained. What could her boys ever do which would cause her to stop loving them? Nothing. Simply nothing. Her love for Kate was so profound, that nothing Kate did would ever put her outside the reach of Caroline's love.

Running through her mind for a long time had been the thought of how out of character this act of Kate's had been. Now she went back to when she had first known Kate. Even in that long ago first interview she remembered noting the refreshing candidness of the applicant before her. As a teacher at Sulgrave Heath, Caroline could not recall Kate ever having dealt with any person or situation in anything other than a straightforward manner. She was one of the most respected teacher's in the school, trusted and admired by faculty, staff and students alike. Unfailingly kind, Kate was nevertheless honest and forthright when counseling students or with colleagues who asked her opinion or advice.

Caroline had experienced this first hand with Kate professionally and in their personal life. She had found a disarming directness which often set her back in surprise but which had been administered so delicately that Caroline was always charmed by it. She now realized that her instinctive trust of Kate was also based on years of experience. This was why she had been able to continue to love Kate and why the attraction to her had not dimmed, why she had been able to go to Kate and apologize. Wanted Kate so madly that it consumed her life.

Reflecting upon this, there was no choice but to take Kate's story of her desperation to have a baby at face value. The woman did not lie. Well, except for not telling the whole story of her pregnancies and their complications, but that was her own fault as much as Kate's. Realistically, when had there ever really been the time for them to talk?

The only time Caroline had ever known Kate to be unkind was that morning at the breakfast table in the hotel when she deliberately, coldly said what she had about their relationship never having started and the shocking news that she intended to go to bed with Greg no matter what Caroline thought and had ended their relationship with a suddenness and finality that had rendered Caroline speechless. Even this had been Kate's honest expression of her feelings and she had been forthright if not kind.

Still not fully understanding what drove Kate to allow her to behave this way but having to accept it as the only plausible explanation, a sense of quiet settled over Caroline.

Suddenly exhausted Caroline focused her attention on the scene outside the window she had been staring at for the last hour. Snow was falling, had been falling for a while now by the look of things. Dark was coming on early today due to the storm. Caroline pulled out her phone and called the local taxi service number stored there. Rising stiffly, she found the loo, and then went to the window to await the cab.


	16. Chapter 16

**16 Saturday Evening - Forgiveness**

Walking carefully up the slippery path to Kate's door Caroline rang the bell, not wanting to startle her by trying the door. After the morning that they'd had she wasn't entirely sure of her welcome. Kate might just as soon she went back to Conway Drive tonight. Before she had time for more than this the door was opened wide and Kate was pulling her in out of the snow. "Caroline" was all she said but it had that note only Kate could put into her name, a warm tone that always sent a thrill through her.

Taking the coat as Caroline shrugged out of it, Kate shook the snow onto the rug in front of the door. Caroline removed her hat and did the same, meeting Kate at the coat rack where they each hung an item. Unexpectedly very close, they stood their ground. Tired blue eyes met soft brown ones. For once neither could accurately read the other. Kate, slowly, tentatively, put a finger to Caroline's face pushing aside a lock of hair that had settled on her cheek. Seeing the wan smile and pleased that she had been permitted this small gesture, Kate, taller in slippers than Caroline in her low heeled boots, lowered her forehead to Caroline's. Lingering, loathe to part but with too much remaining between them yet to kiss, they cherished this moment of reconnection.

To Caroline it all felt like homecoming. It crossed her mind to wonder again how this could feel so right in light of what had happened between them and all that they had been through that morning. Too tired to think about it anymore and having vowed to herself _not_ to think about it for a while, Caroline allowed Kate to take her fingers and pull her into the fragrant kitchen. "I've made a vegetable lasagna, it's in the oven. It will be ready in an hour."

Caroline, shy now in Kate's presense, asked hesitantly, still not quite sure of her welcome, if Kate would mind if she showered first.

Smiling reassuringly, "No, of course, take your time. I'll just turn the oven down if your not back yet. It won't matter." Seeing that Caroline hadn't moved, Kate said gently, "Go ahead."

Smiling wanly once again, Caroline turned and started for the stairs with the glass of wine Kate had poured for her. She'd stopped drinking last summer once John had actually left the house. Drinking alone had seemed like a slippery slope in the mental state she had been in at the time. Now, being with Kate again, it hadn't come up because as an expectant mother, Kate wasn't drinking either. Tonight, she was grateful for the comfort the wine brought. Touched by the thoughtfulness of Kate's knowing this would be what she needed just now.

The hot water running down her neck and shoulders, combined with the effect of the wine to reduce the tension in her body. Kate's welcome had reduced the tension in her soul. Caroline put her mind on pause and got ready for dinner. Reapplying only a little mascara and some eye shadow, a look she knew Kate liked on her, Caroline pulled out some loose fitting, comfortable clothing of her own to match Kate's at-home attire.

Quietly eating their meal in the softly lighted dining room, curtains drawn, candles glowing, the two women were surprised to find themselves able to talking about the minutia of the day. This was something they had missed during their time apart. Caroline shared the news of Laurence's triumphs on the rugby pitch and the later text from William to tell her the time his train would arrive tomorrow afternoon, as well as the text from her Mum to let her know that the trio had arrived safely at the farm. She'd received a call from the estate agent as she had sat down to her lunch to say that they could show the house on Conway Road twice today if it was OK with Caroline. One couple had looked at the house just before Christmas and the other family were seeing it for the first time. Kate had received a call from her Mum thanking them both for the lovely dinner the night before.

They relaxed a little more as the meal progressed, seeing that they _could_ find a way forward after the firestorm of the morning. Shyly, they stole glances at one another, gradually, bashfully they grew bolder and by the end of the meal, were able once again to meet the other's eyes naturally.

It didn't take long to clean the kitchen as Kate had done up everything except the tableware while Caroline was showering. This done, they found themselves once more on an end of the sofa. Kate leaned forward now, toward Caroline, meeting her eyes. Eyes so blue in this light that Kate was transfixed for a long moment. The need to swallow the water filling her mouth brought Kate back to the present and she said softly, "While you were away this afternoon, I realized that I have told you about what happened but I didn't apologize to you." Looking down briefly, then back into the blue, blue eyes, Kate could read in Caroline's expression the fact that this had not escaped her notice. I'm sorry for that."

Looking down at her distended belly, placing a hand on either side of it, Kate said just a shade defiantly, "I can't be sorry to have her." Then looking up into Caroline's face, defiance gone, sincerity in her voice, "But I am sorry for the things I did to you in order to get her." Seeing Caroline's silent nod of acceptance, Kate said "I'm sorry about the way I went about getting her. It wasn't right on so many levels. It wasn't right to disregard you and your feelings on the matter. It wasn't really fair to Greg. And it affected me in ways I hadn't considered." Pausing, holding Caroline's gaze Kate admitted, "It wasn't just sex. I'm not proud of how I handled this." Looking down, "It... rocked me. It just felt so wrong." Back up at Caroline, "Wrong for everyone involved. I _am_ sorry."

Caroline took Kate's hands, scanning the face and eyes of this woman that she loved with an unreasonable love. She could only nod mutely, her throat constricted. Barely able to stand what Kate was putting herself through, she knew that Kate needed to say these things and that she needed to hear them in order to make things really right between them. She had to let her go on until she had said all she had to say, no matter how hard it was for either of them. Her fingers moving on Kate's hands Caroline's heart was in her eyes.

Seeing Caroline's state, Kate needed a moment too and looked down at the hands that held her own. For a time she just looked at these two sets of hands, her own long fingers, agile from playing the piano, golden brown in the light of the lamp, holding the light skinned hands, strong and ever so slightly tanned yet from a summer and fall working in the garden. Manicured hands peppered with the freckles Kate found so enchanting wherever she found them, and smiling to herself at the thought, she _had_ found them everywhere. Her fingers still moving on Caroline's hands, Kate looked up to find Caroline's gaze had followed hers and was also watching the movement of their hands on one another. Fingers that had been unconsciously entwining, stroking, clasping, reaping comfort from the feel of skin on skin now, seemingly of their own volition, deliberately caressed, touches firming, provoking response. Finally, Caroline on a sharp intake of breath closed her eyes as she grasped one of Kate's hands in each of her own, stilling them. Kate, smiling raised them to her lips and sweetly kissed the back of each set of fingers before allowing them to rest between them again.

Eyes meeting once more, Kate went on sincerely, "Caroline, I am sorry. Sorry that I didn't trust you enough to talk through with you the decision to have a baby. Sorry that I rushed it. Rushed on without you. I'm sorry we didn't talk about everything more." Seeing the look that told her Caroline was about to take that on herself as it had been her family which had taken up so much of their time, Kate laid a finger on downturned lips saying quickly, "no, I was an adult, I could have insisted, slowed everything down, made us take the time we should have taken to talk. About everything, not just the baby."

Looking again at the hands on the cushion between them, "I don't know if you'll ever be able to forgive me." Moving remorseful dark eyes to meet gently receptive soft blue ones. "I don't know if you'll ever be able to trust me again. If it helps, I don't think it _would_ happen again. I've spent a lot of time thinking about all of this. It seems to me now as if it were a perfect storm of events and circumstances that allowed me to betray… _us_." With liquid brown eyes as earnest as Caroline had ever seen them, "I'm sorry for breaking your trust. I'm sorry for not trusting _you_." Eyes welling up now, "I'm sorry for lying to you and hurting you with the things I said about us, making light of what was - _is_ so beautiful between us." Uncertain eyes seeking Caroline's as she swallowed back emotion.

Caroline, unable to contain herself longer put her arms around the trembling shoulders and moved in to hold Kate close. "Shhhhh. Shhh. It's alright now, it's alright." Realizing the truth in the words she had just said automatically, Caroline froze. Then, squeezing Kate tighter for a moment, took her by the shoulders and pushed her back so she could see her eyes and said with conviction. "Kate. It _is_ all right. I do forgive you.

"The question is whether you can forgive me? For all that I got wrong. I've been so selfish. I should have dealt with John before I let us get as serious as we did. It wasn't fair to you. I should have asked if you would wait for me to get a divorce and take care of the boys so that I could have devoted myself to you as I wanted to do. All of that was my responsibility, instead I embroiled you in it all, used you for my own ends. It wasn't right. It wasn't fair. I am so very sorry. Can you ever forgive me?" Seeing Kate's watery smile, Caroline went on gravely, embarrassed, "Can you forgive me for this morning? I know I was awful."

Kate's fingers tenderly touched Caroline's cheek, wiping away a tear she hadn't known she'd shed, "Course. Of course," as they embraced again.

Caroline went for the box of tissues and they blotted one another's cheeks as well as their own, with little laughs and endearments, not for the first time in their tumultuous relationship. Once they had calmed a little, each taken a turn in the loo and resumed their seats with cups of tea in hand, Caroline asked Kate if she was very tired or if she was willing to answer a question? Kate, as willing as Caroline to get everything out in the open gave her assent.

"I meant what I said," Caroline assured her, "I do forgive you." Needing the reassurance, "We've forgiven each other?" At Kate's smiling nod, "Its just, I wonder if you would mind saying more about the perfect storm? I think it might help me understand. It might help us both to keep such a thing from happening. In future."

Kate had known that Caroline wasn't finished processing all that had transpired today. Come to that, neither had she. Kate moved her gaze over Caroline's shoulder, not really seeing anything, just thinking how to begin. Finally, meeting the waiting eyes of this woman who meant everything to her. "Caroline, this could easily get convoluted. The only way I can think to tell it so that it might make sense to you is to start chronologically. It might get long, is that OK?"

With loving eyes, Caroline said, "I want to hear anything you have to tell me." Then, with concern, "if you get too tired, you only need to say and we can stop for tonight." Marveling a little, she said softly, "We still have the morning to ourselves."

Kate agreed, smiling, "I had a bit of a nap this afternoon," she added sheepishly.

Caroline's heartfelt "I'm glad" came quickly. She realized how much the morning must have taken out of Kate. Settling herself, she waited for Kate to begin.

"After I lost the last baby with Richard and began to recover , thanks to HRT, and the patience of Richard and my Mum, Richard and I were never quite the same together. Something vital was missing. We went through the motions for another year or so but eventually we realized that it was over. It was a mutual decision. No recriminations. We settled everything amicably but it was still… very hard. It felt like another death.

When the house sold, I bought this place. I went on teaching. That was hard too. Everyone was kind but they all knew about the babies, about Richard. The daily pity was hard to take. It was time for a change. Then I saw there was an opening at Sulgrave Heath. I'd been hearing good things about the changes taking place there." Smiling sweetly at Caroline, "now I know who was responsible for that."

Caroline, ducking her head modestly and holding up a hand in protest, "A team effort, we all work hard for the school."

Kate, clearly of a different opinion, simply continued, her smiling eyes on Caroline, "That's when I met you." Stopping to remember, Kate said, "Something clicked inside me that day. For the first time since… someone interested me." Caroline didn't know how to respond to this, so she just smiled her love.

"Sulgrave was very different from my old school. I found a lightness, a sense of camaraderie, everyone working together, willing to work hard for the good of the students and the school. Hard to describe but I was very glad to be there."

Then a shadow overtook her face. "It was the one bright spot in my life just then. Dad was getting worse. It was becoming too much for Mum to keep him at home. We started investigating the options, looking for somewhere we felt we _could_ leave him." Looking up, Kate saw that Caroline understood their dilemma. Remembered that she and Celia had been through similar circumstances. Caroline put down her mug and took Kate's hand. Letting her continue at her own pace.

That is another thing that had made losing the last baby so hard. By then Dad was… swallowing hard, "not himself. I needed him so badly. Mum and I have always been close, I love her dearly. But Dad. Dad was so much fun. He taught me to play the piano, did I ever tell you? He never reprimanded, we laughed over mistakes and went on. The piano is all joy to me because of him. He made it fun." Once again tears slid down smooth brown cheeks.

Caroline leaned in to pull the dark head to her shoulder, but Kate choking back tears, put a hand on Caroline's sleeve to hold her off, saying, "Its OK, sorry." Hastily rubbing away tears Kate continued, "Dad. He'd always had a way of reaching me, even in the darkest moments. He could jolly me along when no one else could." Her voice barely above a whisper now, "Without him the last time was the hardest.

Richard finally refused to try again for a baby, he said he wouldn't risk me." A wan regretful upturn of lips, "In the end that is what did us in. Seeing by the look on Caroline's face that she did understand and was sympathetic to all that Kate and Richard and their families had gone through.

Caroline said gently, "Is this too much for you? Do you want to go on?"

Kate realized that she wanted Caroline to know these things about her and nodded. On a deep breath, "So throwing myself into teaching at Sulgrave is what kept me going." Then mischievously, "Sulgrave and you."

At this Caroline pulled her chin down, conveying her doubt by once again looking over imaginary glasses. "We barely spoke in those days."

For the first time today, Kate's eyes crinkled at the corners as she shared her memories of that time. "True, but just seeing you striding down the corridor could brighten my day somehow. I loved assemblies and faculty meetings because I could watch you, hear your voice, admire the way you were always so well put together." Amused at Caroline's embarrassment, Kate went on, " I found myself looking for you. Listening for the distinctive tapping of your heels in the corridor." Then, ruefully, "I had to learn to be careful. More than once my attention to a conversation wandered when I caught sight of you rounding a corner or saw you across the playing fields and I would get a strange look."

Sobering, "then last winter, I saw the change in you. The sadness. I realized you didn't really have any friends, not at school anyway. You looked... so alone in your unhappiness. I couldn't help reaching out to you. I was a little surprised when you seemed glad to see me if I came up to talk to you. It took such a long time, so many small tentative exchanges before it seemed like you _might_ consider it natural for me to invite you for a cup of tea. A long time to work up the courage to ask Dr. Elliot to tea that afternoon." Remembering, Kate stopped.

"I was glad when you did. A little surprised but glad. I didn't socialize with anyone really." Reflecting, "I guess I hadn't socialized at all for a long time. John and I had been traveling more and more in different circles. I didn't like most of his friends, he didn't like mine. The more he drank the more treacherous it became to go out together, finally, we didn't anymore. I was working hard after I took the position at Sulgrave, with the boys and the house, my mother; there just wasn't time for keeping up with friends and gradually, they fell away." Coming out of her reverie, Caroline embarrassed again, apologized, "Sorry. Sorry, this was about you." Sincerely, "Please go on."

Smiling, "Wonder of wonders, you came to tea with me. And even more amazingly, it became a regular Friday thing. Yes, I know we talked a lot about John and all of that but sometimes I got you to laugh and that felt like such an accomplishment. Before I knew it, I was smitten with you." With her gaze on Caroline's face Kate's voice softened involuntarily, "Everything about you enchanted me. Your looks, your voice, the way you move, your hair, the expressions that cross your face revealing so much more of what you think than your words ever do." Then cheekily, "You in a tight skirt and heels, walking. Anywhere."

Caroline rolled her eyes and looking at the ceiling ordered, "Go on."

Kate, still smiling broadly at Caroline's discomfort, thinking ahead to what she would say next began to sober again. "So while you may have seen a confident teacher, in my personal life I was still in many ways dealing with the effects of losing the babies, Richard, my marriage and now my Dad." Looking into Caroline's face. "There was a lot of grieving going on inside me. I needed a friend too."

Caroline was stricken. "I was so selfish. I never knew. I never even asked." Thinking back, "Even after that day in the garden when you tried to get me to see you, all I could talk about was myself again." The pain settled into Caroline's face, her mouth turned down once more. Overcome, she whispered, "Oh God, Kate, I'm so sorry. So very, very sorry. I… What an arse I am. Totally. Completely." Shaking her head in sorrow, saying in an agonized voice, "Kate."

Kate dismayed at the effect this had had on Caroline, took her face into her hands saying hurriedly, "Caroline, I didn't say any of this to make a point or to make you feel bad. It was only to put my state of mind into perspective. I'm sorry, I wasn't…"

Caroline cut her off, "No. No, I understand. You are right to tell me." A grim look on her face shaking her head in acknowledgement of this truth about herself, "I needed to hear that." Taking Kate's hands into her own again, "Kate, I am _so_ sorry for all of my selfishness. I'm beginning to see so much now. I can't believe how much I took you for granted. Your kindness, your good nature, your willingness always to be there for me when you were going through so much yourself. I can't stand it. What a shit I've been."

Unable to remain seated Caroline got up and walked across the room. Turning she said to Kate, "How could you stand me? I can't believe you ever took up with me in the first place." Pacing again for the long moment that Kate gave her. Caroline stopped at the sofa, sitting close to Kate, she put the back of her hand to Kate's cheek. "So this fragile state is where you were emotionally when you sat at the dinner table, in front of my family, hearing the ugly things my mother said? When you so graciously let my Mum talk you into coming back to me?" Continuing with these realizations as statements, not questions. When I asked you to move in with me to make John uncomfortable. When Laurence and John were unkind to you." Shaking her head in horror at herself, "when we started talking so soon about houses and babies." Anguished, "Oh Kate."

Tortured at the recognition that she had driven Kate to such desperation, Caroline was on her feet again, on the move. It was her selfishness that had brought them to this place. _Her_ selfishness that had given them six months of suffering, lost them six months together, lost her six months of Kate's pregnancy.

Caroline stopped, not far from Kate but still standing. "Kate, I don't know what to say. Sorry doesn't seem like enough."

Kate came to stand in front of Caroline, leaning against her. Speaking gently, "Caroline, we've both said that word a lot tonight. Maybe this is enough." Raising fingers to Caroline's cheek, "Can we just say that we've forgiven each other?"

The muscles in Caroline's face and neck were working to control her emotions, once again, in this day which had been so full of emotion for both of them. She nodded, unable to speak and laid a wet cheek against Kate's.

Kate whispered "Caroline", lips so close to her ear that a current ran through Caroline. A jagged sigh escaped. Tipping her head back, still cheek to cheek with the taller woman, Caroline breathed, "Kate." The two stood for a long moment, treasuring this renewal of intimacy.

Kate pulled back first, ever so slightly to look into Caroline's eyes. "Caroline, there is just one more thing to say. It won't be enough to forgive one another, we're going to need to forgive ourselves."

Caroline considering this, nodded. "You're right of course." Earnest blue eyes, "I'll try if you will."

Kate seeing the willingness in Caroline's eyes, agreed, "Yes." These promises made, they remained, transfixed, each unwilling to break the moment. They stood fully engrossed in one another. Reveling in the miracle of truly relaxing into one another for the first time in such a long time. Lips raining feather-light kisses on eyes, chins, noses, foreheads, breathing whispers into one another's ear, fingers smoothing back hair, tracing down throats, they held one another until, exhausted by the tensions of the day, they made their way upstairs.


	17. Chapter 17

**17 Sunday - Just Us **

The sun was bright, snow sparkled in the trees outside Kate's window, white, clean, still. Caroline felt much the same this morning. Cocooned with Kate, serenity encompassed her. After the discord of the last year it was like coming into church from a busy, noisy urban street, feeling silence shut out the clamor as the great wooden doors close. Searching her memory, Caroline could not recall a time she had felt this much at peace.

Remembering yesterday and the depths of emotion she and Kate had plumbed, marveling that they had come through it to the point of quietude they had found at the end of the evening. The peace that had settled over them finally had seemed sanctified. The physical passion, a hallmark of their relationship, had somehow been consumed by the fiery emotions of the day. Desire had been present as they gently undressed one another, attentive appreciation tempered, as if by satiation, becalmed but fully present. Once in bed they lay facing, kissing softly, touching hair, lips, brow, cheeks, still in wonder at the joy of being together, angst and demons shut away for the first time since they had known one another. Tranquility advancing to sleep as they relaxed from the tensions of the day.

Now, Caroline was pressed closely to Kate, once more supporting the back that carried the precious cargo. Her hand already resting on the side of Kate's stomach she felt the tiny movements beneath the firmness of the belly. This enjoyable new custom, her fingers responding, moving here and there, following the movement below. Caroline heard the change in Kate's breathing and even though she hadn't moved, knew that she had been wakened by the game these other two in the bed were playing.

Slowly, Caroline moved her hand to the top of the firm stomach, up under a full breast. Raising her fingers, rubbed a pattern there, she heard with satisfaction the resulting catch of breath. Turning her hand to cup this delicious weight, Caroline only teasingly allowed any part of her hand to graze the sensitive nipple until Kate was squirming against her, her own hips reciprocating. At the desperately groaned, "Caroline" she shifted so that Kate could roll onto her back. Caroline rose on an elbow to bring her mouth into proximity with the lovely brown lips once again saying her name, softly, urgently. Kate raised her lips into a tender reunion. Slow lingering kisses escalating demands coursing through bodies long denied. Eager breathy sounds escaping unbidden and moans of pure pleasure brought them too soon to fever pitch. Neither wanted to rush but the gathering storm overran attempts to slow the pace.

Caroline discovered first hand the inconveniences from this side of the baby bump. As she moved to throw a leg over Kate's, before she could touch her, long agile fingers were gliding easily up and inside her, eliciting a small cry of surprise. Kate watched with delight as surprise was replaced by rapture as Caroline's body responded to her touch.

Caroline's hand caressed its way around the bulge to find the place where it ended and Kate began. Kate's need moved to meet this touch, luxuriating in it. "I need to feel you inside me Caroline." Urgently whispered into the face hovering so close, "Now!" Her hips positioning to meet her demand, desire clear. Caroline froze, she hadn't planned to do that, was afraid of hurting Kate or endangering the baby, the recent scare too fresh.

Reading the concern on the face so near, "Really, it's alright." Allowing Kate's hand to guide her fingers lower, Caroline stopped at probing the rim of her opening in such a way that the pleasure Kate experienced soon loosened her grip on Caroline's arm.

The ardor of long separation expended itself in ceaselessly probing fingers and sight and sound of one another in the throes of this passion moved them quickly over the edge. Bending, Caroline pressed demanding kisses onto the open lips waiting to take her in. Not yet satisfied, pulsing her body against the length of Kate's, Caroline allowed her fingers to ever so slowly and gently enter where she had refused to go earlier. Watching Kate's eyes widen and her lips part at this delight Caroline didn't stop until she reached the limit. For a full moment she didn't move, holding Kate's eyes, watching as she breathed through the waiting, the wanting, and then, the first flicker, then a twitch, slowly a random pattern of gentle flexing producing exquisite pleasures.

Keeping Kate's eyes, Caroline whispered, "K-a-te, I need you." Before the words were out, reciprocation was in progress. Mirroring entry and the full stop, then the gentle flexing movements which involuntarily pushed Caroline's head back, eyes closed consumed by the warm, tingling that raced through her body at each tiny movement within. Pacing, cadence, modulation, a certain… yes, rhythm detected even in slow motion. Eyes snapping open, asking as breath allows, "K-a-te, - are you - playing music in…"

Ghost of a grin, "took you - long enough."

Feeling the tempo, breath catching, responding. Smile returning. Seeing the question, "Rhapsody - in Blue." Recognition registers, then, still seeing a question. Whispered, "your eyes." Kissing softly the hovering mouth, feeling one fat tear drop onto her cheek before lips part, "Caroline."

In this liminal space, two souls open to one another through perceiving eyes.

Open - accessible – accessed

Discovered – divulged, revealed – accepted

Acquitted

Harmonized

Vulnerable - safe, secured

Longing fulfilled

Yearning requited

Dedicated devoted

Throughout this exchange tears ran freely down faces so bravely open to one another. At last quivering lips touching, lingering unwilling to let this hallowed feeling go. For a time the only sound is the uneven breathing of two women in a slow burn fighting to control the fire, consumed equally by unbarred psyches as by lust. Kate, sensing control slip, plays accelerato and they come spectacularly, in quick succession.

Finally, inert, Caroline drops onto the soft bosom of her lover. Chuckling softly, tearfully to hear Kate's heart still pounding beneath her ear. Kate's hands come to rest on spotted shoulders, peering down to the face beneath her chin, Kate breaths out "Caroline" on a sigh of satisfaction in their convocation, so intimately close again in spirit as well as body.

Caroline hearing her name as only Kate could say it felt a thrill run through her in spite of her sated state. Attempting to comprehend the unprecedented thing that had just transpired between them, Caroline raised her head to meet Kate's gaze, once again, unspoken question evident on her face.

Smiling in amazed awe, a match to Caroline's, she said, "communion."

Considering, Caroline finally nodded in agreement pressing her lips once again to Kate's to seal this humbling experience. Unwilling to move they drowsed until Caroline's phone buzzed annoyingly, insistently on the beside table forcing her to move.

"My mother." A text. Thank God she didn't have to speak to her just now. "Off to explore Eland today, want to come with?" Showing Kate, then with a sensuous parting kiss, rolled onto her back to tap in her commitments for the day. Finishing this task she turned back to gaze at Kate, taking in the flawless skin, its warm shadings; the sparkling eyes drinking her in; the carved lips, lips she had literally dreamed of in the months of their separation. "Shower with me?"

Admiring eyes followed Caroline around the bed, "Yes, if you'll pull a pregnant woman up." Which Caroline did, and standing very close, they discovered that they were not finished kissing yet. Hands roamed backs and bottoms and breasts, just for the sheer pleasure of it all until at last they found their way to the shower.

Kate, returning to the bedroom with tea and toast found Caroline moving around the room, still wrapped rather inadequately in a towel, another wrapped turban style around her wet head. Seeing that her approach had been undetected Kate watched as Caroline bent over her suitcase revealing the quarter moons of curvaceous flesh between the edge of the towel and luscious thighs. Kate going a little weak at this sight placed the tray softly on the table. When she turned back Caroline had moved to the other end of the suitcase and was once again bending over the open bag. This top down view revealing the swell of breasts just inside the toweling.

Kate was drawn to this magnificent sight. Caroline smiled seeing Kate approach, her smile fading as she noticed the intent look on the face that had been away such a short time. "Kate?"

Kate took Caroline's hands, guiding her into the winter sunlight streaming through the window. She untucked the end of the towel letting it drop, immediately dazzled by the effect of winter sunlight on the creamy skin of Caroline's body. Her breath coming faster now she reached out to touch when her arm was forced down by Caroline sliding the robe she had worn to the kitchen from her frame.

"Kate, look at you. You are so beautiful." Taken by perfect skin gleaming like satin, running her hands over the protruding stomach, reaching to lift a heavy breast in each hand she was restrained by Kate's hands sliding down her arms capturing her them, tugging her arms straight down. "Kate?"

"I want to see you Caroline. We went so fast before, I didn't get to see you." Reaching out to caress, she found Caroline's hand also reaching. Turning Caroline around Kate kept contol of her hands as she leaned in to place butterfly kisses across shoulders, between shoulder blades, moving slowly south. Breathless at the expanse of cinnamon colored spots arrayed across alabaster skin, an inverse night sky – stars dark on sheer radiance.

Alternately gazing and touching, kissing or tonguing the spots like sprinkles on ice cream Kate worked her way down and back again. Each time Caroline began to step away or turn to respond Kate gently but firmly pulled her back in place with the hands still held in her own.

Unable to use her hands to make contact with her lover, Caroline realized that she _could_ reach Kate with her voice. "Kaa-te, Ka-a-te, Ka-a-te," she breathed with every lick or kiss.

There it was, her name in three syllables as only Caroline could drawl it, pronouncing each letter so distinctly. The hard K sound, long stress on the A and the crisp pronunciation of the consonant T. Her tongue on the edge of a shoulder blade dug in as this sound went through her. Kate groaned, "God, Caroline."

Smiling in satisfaction, Caroline continued as Kate worked her way down an arm, still a little pink from their shower, turning it to expose the inside of the elbow which received special attention as did the sensitive wrist.

Taking each finger into her mouth in turn, using the roughness of her tongue to suckle, her eyes once again on Caroline's Kate could watch her melting. See the softness in her face, the sag in her stance as she was weakened by renewed arousal. Kate took the limp figure into her arms and began, nipping and kissing cinnamon spots from Caroline's neck, unhurriedly, up and up behind the ear as the sound of her name drawled so thrillingly close became softer, the utterances further apart as Caroline's attention was more and more consumed by sensation.

Pulling back slightly to bring her face close to Caroline's Kate found that as always when she came this close Caroline's lips parted, birdlike, ever ready to take her in. When the expected pressure failed to materialize, Caroline opened reproachful eyes, breathing "Ka-a-te, once more." That did it, lips and tongues fitted together seeking and giving all the pleasure of which they were capable.

Parting, pulling Caroline by the hand, watching the long lissome radiance which followed, Kate sat her on the bed and gracefully for one in her stage of pregnancy dropped to her knees, focusing on breasts, carressing, kissing, taking them in, one by one. Shivering at Caroline's fingers in her hair, nails ever so slightly raking her scalp. Finally, Kate pushed Caroline's shoulders back, moving down, kissing along the faded caesarian scar, holding round moppet eyes with her own Kate one by one tucked an instep onto the edge of the bed before running her fingers slowly down the inside of each thigh then luxuriously through curly ginger hair. She could hear Caroline's breathing rate increase. Soft whimpers of anticipation only served to slow Kate's progress, unhurriedly kissing each inner thigh before moving on to the core so very ready for her. Tasting, teasing, eventually satisfying.

At last, she rose to join Caroline on the bed and was met by guiding hands positioning her knees on either side of Caroline, hungry lips taking hers, then releasing her to urge her hips forward, moving them up and up until lips met lips again and it was Kate's turn to moan in pleasure.

Collapsed in a heap too relaxed to move, Caroline's musical laugh rang out and she breathed into Kate's ear, "you are soooo good. Just remembering you inside me makes me want to come again." Feeling an arm raised to comply with this suggestion, Caroline, stopped it, laughing throatily again, "Please, I can't take anymore." With this she pressed her cheek to Kate's then slid her mouth to bestow a sensuous, slowing down but not quite there yet kiss on waiting lips. Gradually, the nuzzling and necking subsided and Caroline pulled the covers over them as glistening skin began to dry and cool. Before long they had both drifted off to sleep once more.

When they finally woke there was barely time to shower again, quickly this time; dress and get to the school to meet Laurence's bus. Ravenous, on the way to the school, the two made plans to visit a restaurant locally famous for its all day Sunday Brunch Buffet. Laurence would no doubt be nearly as hungry as they by the time he got off the bus.

Pulling onto the car park, they saw that the bus had arrived with boys crowding around the luggage compartment pulling out their gear. When they had assembled their belongings they begin to move off to waiting cars. They spotted Laurence a pile at his feet, standing near Angus who was dumping his load into the boot of his mother's car. Pulling in near them, Caroline got out to open the back for Laurence who lost no time gathering his kit and piling it into the Jeep. The wind was bitterly cold again so, with a wave to Felicity and Angus, mother and son quickly moved to the shelter of their car.

Once inside, "Mum, Mum, we won! We won the tournament, it was so great…" and Laurence was off, excitedly sharing all the details of a memorable trip. Seeing that they missed the turning for home, Laurence interrupted his monologue to inquire about their destination and gratified to learn that a meal was in the offing, resumed his story just where he left off. Exchanging a smile at his boyish excitement, Caroline and Kate happily listened as the details unfolded asking the right questions whenever there was a pause for breath. It wasn't until the meal was almost finished that Laurence ran down. It turned out that his rugby shoes, already on the tight side had split under pressure during the last game and a new pair would be required almost immediately as there was a practice tomorrow afternoon. Plans were laid to head for the sporting goods store and by the time they finished there it would be almost time for William's train so they would pick him up before going home.

William, striding out from the station swung himself into the backseat stowing his bag at his feet. Leaning forward he kissed his Mum and squeezed Kate's arm before settling back and giving his brother a playful punch to the shoulder. "So, how did it go, Beano Boy?" And Laurence was off again.

Caroline had felt a pang in her heart at the sight of her manly son coming toward her car. He was barely a boy anymore. Until he got near his brother, then their banter made her feel better, as though William was still her boy, not quite all grown up. She couldn't help stealing another glance at him in the rear view mirror and found him looking back at her. Smiling quickly to hide the mother angst, she saw by his look that he was now too quick for her, he had already seen it in her eyes.

Entering the spotless house, they all trooped upstairs to put away their things. Under direction from Caroline they brought all the clothes that needed washing to the laundry room. It wasn't long before the sounds of the washer and dryer mingled with music from William's room and sounds of the Xbox from the sitting room. Caroline, after putting in another load of washing met Kate in the kitchen for cup of tea. Before long William, having had an early lunch, joined them wondering what might be in progress for tea. Both women groaned at the mention of food, having fully eaten their share at the buffet. Caroline suggested that he make a sandwich now and later they would order takeout when everyone else got hungry again.

Caroline asked William about meeting Roxy's family and was told the story of his weekend and what a good time he'd had in Liverpool. He inquired how they had spent their time. It was a natural question but somehow neither of them was quite prepared to answer. William, who had been rinsing his plate at the sink when he asked the question, turned back with a towel in his hand at the silence that followed. His Mum and Kate were looking at one another, Mum blushing and Kate, her mouth open apparently had nothing to say. Grinning, he said, "Well, you don't have to tell me. I was only being polite."

Caroline was further discomfited by this new composure of William's. He kept slipping between manhood and boyhood. It was disconcerting. Finally, her wits returning to her Caroline offered, "We went for walks, oh yes, and we had dinner with Kate's Mum on Friday night, just relaxed mainly."

William barely suppressing another grin, said, "Good. Good, I'm glad." Then taking pity on them, headed for the door saying, "Think I'll go give Laurence a challenge."

Hearing Williams footsteps disappear into the carpet of the sitting room, the two in the kitchen finally let themselves look at one another and dissolved into embarrassed laughter. Caroline, her head back looking at the ceiling said, "Can you believe I wasn't prepared to answer a simple question from my son? I think I'm losing it." Then looking at Kate, laughed again, "_If_ I ever had it."

Kate, her smile turning into a leer, replied "Oh, you had it Dr. Elliot." Allowing herself a leisurely inventory of assets, Kate said softly, "You've still got it." Suddenly, they realized how long it had been since their last kiss and leaned in to correct that oversight. Just as they were feeling the heat begin to build, they heard a cough, Caroline, instantly deciding that she was not going to be embarrassed in her own kitchen again today did not immediately pull back and with her hand on Kate's shoulder would not allow her to back away either. Ending the kiss slowly, she turned to find Laurence with his head in the fridge and said coolly, "William's beaten you already?"

"No, he is out of practice," closing the refrigerator door, "I trounced him but I needed a refill." Without blinking an eye he was out the door calling insults to his brother as he padded back down the hall in his stocking feet.

Caroline turned to find Kate, chin pulled in, regarding her with a look of admiration. "Quick learner, Dr. Elliot."

Hearing the timer go off on the dryer, Caroline started after it, pausing to place a very wet kiss right in Kate's ear, before breathing into it, "too bloody right." As Kate cried out in protest at this treatment, Caroline, moved swiftly to the door and threw a saucy look back at Kate before disappearing up the stairs. She could hear Kate muttering as she reached for a paper towel to dry her ear, "No doubt in my mind where Laurence gets his cheekiness."

**Bringing in the Boys**

Later over takeout pizza and salad, Caroline shared with the boys the news that the house had been shown to two different families over the weekend and that one family was seeing it for the second time in a week. This news brought a serious look to William's face and a worried one to Laurence's. "What if it sells this week? Where will we go?"

Giving him a loving look and a touch on the cheek, Caroline said, "Oh Laurence, don't look so worried. Even if we did accept an offer this week, it would likely be several weeks before the sale is finalized. We would have time to find a place." Settling herself on her stool and leaning forward toward the two across the counter from her, "You know, Laurence we've been packing things all fall. Everything non-essential." Looking at William, she explained, we wanted it to be homey until at least after Christmas." Then looking at Kate, "There are packed boxes everywhere, in the closets, in the attic, in the cellar. It won't take us long to be ready to move." Then, wrinkling her nose, "except my study."

Looking back at the boys, "I've spoken to the manager of a nice block of furnished flats not far from school. We could put most things in storage and live there until we find just the right house." Looking back at Kate to find a closed expression on her face, Caroline, her face and eyes full of love went on softly, "That was before Christmas Eve. Now, we need to reevaluate our plans."

The women gazed on for another moment as the boys exchanged a look, wondering what would be coming next. A look they had shared many times over the last year or so, wondering what was coming next from the adults in this house.

Caroline, missing that exchange, looked back at her sons. "Kate and I are going to live together." She looked at them each in turn, the full light of her love for them clearly showing on her face, her voice gentle, "I know things have been happening very quickly this week." Catching Laurence's eye, "It may be a little much for you to take in all at once. I don't want to rush you but this isn't going to change again. Between Kate and I. We've worked it out. We love one another. We are going to look for a home for all of us." Adding with a little trepidation, in case it hadn't dawned on them, "And the baby."

Pausing to let them process this much and to see what reactions would be forthcoming, Caroline watched and waited. William gave her a warm smile, his Mum knew what he thought, like her, he waited to see what Laurence would say.

Laurence looked at his Mum for a long moment. The two of them had spent quite a bit of time together this fall, working on the packing up, in the garden, seeing the odd film when they could agree upon one, cooking and eating together. They had become closer after he called her on being boring. She'd made more of an effort. He knew it hadn't been easy, she had been very sad. Now, she was all, sort of sparkly, happy he guessed. He couldn't ever remember seeing her like this, not even before Dad moved out. At this moment though, she looked a little scared. She was scared he was going to make trouble again.

Laurence looked at Kate. She'd had her head turned, looking at his Mum, a worried look on her face, but it was also soft with love for his Mum, that's what he needed to see. He had been at school, he had seen the tension between them whenever they were in the same room. Even in a large room where they didn't have to talk to one another, he had seen the strain in Mum's face, and in Kate's. It was different now. Whatever had been wrong seemed to be OK. Kate had turned to face him when she felt his gaze on her. She met his eyes and they seemed to be reassuring him that she wasn't going to change back again. But he had to know. Holding her eyes, he asked, "Is it really all right? You aren't going to change your minds again?"

Kate released Caroline's hand in her lap and put both of hers on the island in front of her. "No Laurence, we aren't going to change our minds. We've talked everything through, we love each other and we want to be together."

Laurence narrowed his eyes at her, "didn't you love each other before?"

Direct and to the point, thought Kate, another trait he got from his mother. No free passes here. "Well, yes, we did love each other. We never stopped loving each other really. We found we couldn't be happy apart."

"So what if you aren't happy _together_ either?" Laurence challenged. He'd certainly seen enough of that in this house. He loved his Mum, he'd seen exactly how unhappy she had been dealing with his Dad and then even more unhappy when she was no longer with Kate. If she wouldn't protect herself, he would have to do it.

Kate was used to interacting with teenagers. It was her job. This was different. She saw that Laurence wasn't thinking of himself, he was worried for his Mum. He knew she had hurt Caroline. He wasn't a child. Platitudes were not going to be enough. What would she say to Caroline's father if he were asking the questions?

Caroline, started to jump into this pause to reassure the boys, but Kate put a hand on her arm, as she looked into the blue eyes so ready to defend her she said, "No Caroline, he has the right to ask. He deserves an answer."

She found Laurence still regarding her levelly, waiting for his answer. "Laurence," looking at both boys, "William, I hurt your Mum."

Caroline interjected, "We hurt each other."

Kate again put a hand on her arm and gave her a look that said, 'I've got this.' Looking each boy in the eye again, Kate resumed. "We did hurt each other. The difference is that your Mum hurt me inadvertently and I hurt her intentionally. At least, I knew what I was about to do would hurt her deeply and I did it anyway." Kate had trouble getting the last sentence out without her voice breaking, but she gained control again and went on.

"The thing about your Mum is," stealing a glance at Caroline, knowing she would break down if she really looked at her, she saw the blonde head tilted and the face working to keep control of her own emotions as she watched Kate respond to these difficult questions. Kate bravely faced these two who loved Caroline as much as she did, "She's a very generous person. She forgave me. Not everyone would have."

Laurence thought it was a good sign that Kate was crying. It showed that she wasn't taking this lightly. Still, there was one more important thing. "Was it about the baby?"

The two women exchanged another look, each read the surprise at Laurence's intuition in the other's face. Seeing Caroline's almost imperceptible nod, Kate knew that she was being trusted to share this essential piece of their story with the two boys that Caroline loved as much as life itself. Honored but scared, Kate faced the two sets of waiting eyes, "Yes, it was about the baby. Not so much about whether or not to have one, your Mum knew I wanted a baby very badly." Steeling herself to say these words out loud to Caroline's sons, she took a deep breath and went on, "I wasn't true to your Mum, I let her down to have a chance to get this baby." Her face working again, once more mastering herself, "I'm not proud of that. I caused her a lot of pain." Swallowing hard, looking fiercely at each set of eyes before her, "I promise each of you as I promised her," glancing at Caroline Kate saw the tears running unchecked down her cheeks. "I will never intentionally hurt her again. I mean that with all my heart.

Caroline, unable to resist any longer, put both arms around Kate and pulled her close. Cheeks together, tears mingling, they hugged for a moment before turning back to the boys. Caroline, using her dinner napkin to blot away tears, trying valiantly to smile, said, "We intend to spend the rest of our lives together making one another happy." She joined her hands with Kate's and looking into her eyes said, "That doesn't mean we'll never disagree, or disappoint one another, or get cross now and then," looking back at the boys, William discreetly wiping away a tear or two of his own, "that's all part of life, but it won't ever be _that_ way again." Letting her pride and love for them show on her face, Caroline asked, "All right? Can you be happy for us?"

Before the words were out of her mouth William was already on his way around the island to hug her. Laurence followed suit, he didn't like seeing his Mum cry. He even leaned in and gave Kate a brief hug.

Both women had swiveled on their stools to receive the boys, Caroline was on her feet, the boys facing her, she had a hand on the outside shoulder of each as she said, "we want to be a family. We want you both to be brothers to this little girl." She had taken her hand from William's shoulder to place it on Kate's baby bulge. William took Kate's hand and Laurence rolled his eyes and said, "A _girl_?! Oh maaaan."

This brought a round of laughter that broke the tension. Caroline pulled Laurence in for a hug, kissed his cheek and told him affectionately, "You'll get over it."

Then began a series of questions about living arrangements, house sales and timing that had no answers yet. Caroline finally held up both hands, saying, "Look, I promise I will let you know as soon as there is anything to tell. All right? I'm glad you are excited, I just don't know what to say right now."

As they went about belatedly clearing away after their meal the talk turned to plans for the next day. Caroline shared that Kate had an appointment with her doctor tomorrow morning and that she would be going with her. Laurence had practice at 1pm and William had hoped to visit some friends so they arranged that the two women would take Kate's car for the appointment and William could take the Jeep if he would drop his brother at the rugby field before meeting his friends.

That sorted and the kitchen returned to order, William went off to call Roxy, Laurence to view the new DVD he had received for Christmas and since Kate hadn't had a nap today, she and Caroline decided to retire for the night.

Once in Caroline's room, they looked at one another and broke into relieved laughter and collapsed onto the edge of the bed. "Oh Kate, you were wonderful. How did you know just the right thing to say?"

Looking questioningly at Caroline, "Was it the right thing? I didn't want to go too far into it, but they do have a right to know that I intend to try to make their mother happy."

Caroline stroked Kate's cheek with her fingers, "I think everything will go much more smoothly now that we've had this conversation. Thank you for being willing to put yourself through that again."

Regretfully, "Well, it was my fault, I did hurt you."

Both hands on Kate's cheeks now, Caroline said earnestly, "We hurt each other. I put you into impossible situations. It wouldn't have gone where it did without me mucking about." Then decisively, "besides, I thought we were putting this behind us."

Kate made a rueful face, "As much as I would like that, I think there is one more conversation we are going to need to have about this."

Caroline said "Mum," at the same time Kate said "Celia." Each resigned to the fact that this was true, they gazed at one another for moment before Caroline said, "OK, once more if absolutely necessary, then, no more." Holding Kate's face again, "That will be the end of it. Forgotten. Promise?"

"I promise," said Kate, the love light in her eyes.

Caroline, turning Kate's shoulders until she was lying across her lap, in her arms laid a tender kiss on the surprised lips. "I've been thinking, with all of this angst, you might need to relax tonight and there is a _very_ large tub in my bathroom, I wonder if you'd like to indulge yourself?"

Kate brought her face close to Caroline's, "that depends on whether I have to get into this 'very large' tub alone." Rubbing her nose against the freckled one before her, "or if you're willing to get in with me." She took Caroline's bottom lip into a lingering kiss.

"I could _likely_ be persuaded," Caroline breathed.

"Mmmm, how likely is that?" murmured Kate.

"One more kiss like that ought to just about do it."


	18. Chapter 18

**18 Monday - Beginning Again**

_Monday before New Years_

Kate's appointment with the consultant was one of the first of the day. Once she had signed in, Kate seated herself snuggly against Caroline on the rather hard settee in the waiting room, clutching her purse in her lap. The worry over the bleeding episode which she had managed to push to the back of her mind for so many days was now her primary focus.

Sensing her anxiety, Caroline leaned into her shoulder a bit to comfort both of them. Looking up just then, Caroline saw the receptionist do a quick double-take to see the two of them sitting so close. As quickly as it happened it was over, the receptionist bent back to her work. Caroline smiled to herself wryly. She was going to need to get used to this sort of thing, wasn't she? Even when people weren't bothered by the two of them together there was likely to be some sort of a reaction. It was natural she supposed.

They did not have long to wait. Kate introduced Caroline to the assistant who ushered them in and to the consultant as her partner. The consultant turned out to be an avuncular older man who obviously thought a lot of Kate. Once again Caroline saw the surprise register but he shook her proffered hand and was back on task.

Once the physical part of the exam was complete he left Kate to dress telling them that he would return shortly to discuss the health of Kate and the baby with them. As they had sat waiting for his return, Kate's stress was palpable and Caroline could not resist placing a small kiss of support to her temple. Naturally, this was the point at which the doctor had tapped at the door immediately entering. Catching this scene he had inquired a little more after the nature of their relationship. Kate explained that they planned to raise the child together and that he could freely discuss her case with Caroline.

At this Dr. Kent seemed glad and told them so since much hinged on Kate's behavior in the coming weeks. Going on he explained that Kate's blood pressure was higher than he liked and may have been the cause of the bleeding she had experienced. He went on to discuss the seriousness of gestational hypertension and its risks, outlining the precautions she should take. Looking to Caroline as often as to Kate to make sure they were taking in the gravity of the situation. When he recommended that Kate consider going part time in her work, Caroline answered for her that this could be arranged, not noticing in her focus on the doctor, the startled look Kate gave her.

Satisfied that they were not taking Kate's situation lightly, he gave them a few other precautions then turned to his computer to make some notes asking if they had any questions.

Caroline looking at Kate saw that she had nothing to say. Raising her eyebrows and tipping her head in the direction of the doctor. Kate just smiled and nodded once, almost imperceptibly. Caroline widened her eyes at Kate, then determinedly turned to the doctor again starting bravely, "As regards sex…"

The doctor, well used to this question didn't even look up, continuing to make notes he said, "Nothing too strenuous please, given the recent bleeding episode it might be best to keep things external until the baby arrives." Looking up, "Anything else?

Caroline, feeling more comfortable with this question, "Kate's told me there is a higher than usual risk for post partum depression. Can you tell us anything more about that?"

Dr. Kent, seeing her genuine concern, replied kindly, "We won't know until the time comes. We'll make recommendations if and when they are called for. I'm sorry, these things just aren't predictable." With that he asked Kate to stop in on Friday so that they could monitor her blood pressure again to see if any additional steps were indicated. Shaking hands with each of them he took his leave.

Once they were alone in the room, Caroline gave Kate an 'I told you so' look. Kate only laughed, "very articulate, Caroline."

Caroline, smiling ruefully at herself, took Kate's hands, pulling her to her feet and out of the room.

Once in the car, Caroline looked at Kate almost shyly, "We have quite a lot to talk about in terms of our future. Dr. Kent has confirmed my worries for you. "Seeing Kate's face she knew that she too was considering the implications just outlined for them and dared to go on. "Kate, I know we have just gotten back together and I don't want to rush things, you…" It was still so hard to know the right things to do and say in spite of all the talking they had done this weekend. The pain of the months apart was still so recent that fear of getting it wrong again was very strong in her.

Kate seeing that look, realized anew that the shadows of the last year would take time to dissipate for both of them. Raising a red-gloved finger she brushed under the blonde fringe to smooth the furrows she knew were there and prompted gently, "Tell me."

"Kate, I want to take care of you. I'm afraid that no matter how fast we make arrangements, circumstances may overtake us. I have some ideas to share with you. It's too cold to talk in the car but there's a little café not far from here. Can we get some tea and talk?"

Kate started the car, "Which way?"

xxx

Tea and scones before them, "First. The substitute I have lined up to take your Language classes is available at any time. I know this may seem sudden but I'd like you to start considering the part time schedule you'd like to keep. Once you decide, we can implement that immediately. OK?"

"Caroline, I don't feel poorly, I'm not sure this is necessary just yet," Kate protested.

Giving her a firm look, "Second," she underscored with her voice. "I'd like us both to move into a new home _together_ as soon as we can, by the end of the week if possible."

Kate's jaw dropped and she let out a short laugh, "end of the week! Caroline, you must be mad."

Smiling excitedly, she took Kate's hand, "No listen, I've been thinking-"

The clear notes of Kate's laughter rang through the small shop, drawing a couple of glances, but both women were oblivious to this. "Caroline. Dear Caroline, I have missed you."

There it was, that disarming smile, "What?"

Admiringly, "It is all just so _perfectly..._ you. I have truly missed you, you know. The way you _are_ always thinking, planning, anticipating all the ins and outs of things." Swallowing the lump in her throat at the thought of Caroline planning for _her_ now. This time, _she_ was a priority to Caroline. She was no longer in this alone. Misty brown eyes conveying her love, "You really are magnificent."

Caroline basked in the warmth of that look for a moment and taking courage from it went on to explain, with that trademarked ever so slightly crooked smile. "Do you know the old Lion Hotel? Overlooking The Stray?"

Not following, "Yes."

"Well, it's been renovated into flats. They're very nice. I had my eye on one for Laurence and I to move into when the house sells. Just until we could find a new little house but," eager now, "I happen to know that the top floor has been divided into only two flats rather than four as they did on the other floors. They are spacious and I think one of them might be just the ticket for us, at least temporarily. We can think again after the baby is born. Would you like to go and see?"

Kate, still more taken with Caroline and her infectious excitement than anything she had said, breathed her assent through a smile she could not keep from her face.

xxx

Caroline, turned in the seat as much as the safety belt would allow so she could see Kate's face as she drove. Continuing where she left off, "They've done an excellent job of maintaining the original charm while upgrading all of the amenities. The manager showed us the top floor suites just for the fun of it the day we were there. It seems they are having trouble letting these two because it turns out that the people who can afford them, prefer to live in a house rather than a flat. I may be able to negotiate the price down a bit - if you like it."

Kate listened while Caroline enthused about the location, the view, the lift that would put her at the door to the suite so she would have no stairs to navigate and the other amenities of the building. Kate smiled quietly to see Caroline so happy. This was a Caroline that few people ever saw; even Kate had hardly seen Caroline this ebullient before.

Caroline's phone rang as Kate parked the car. After exchanging greetings, "You're kidding! Really? No problems with the financing this time? Fine. Yes, that's fine. We accept the offer. No, you'll remember I have authority to accept on behalf of both parties. I'm sure he will. Yes, thanks." Her eyes on Kate as she ended the call, "You won't believe this. After all this time with the house on the market, there has been something of a bidding war and we've ended up with a bit more than the asking price." Placing a resounding kiss onto Kate's surprised face, "Come on!"


	19. Chapter 19

**19 Monday - The Lion**

_Monday before New Years Day_

Entering the warm lobby, the women removed their gloves and unfastened their coats as they surveyed the tastefully decorated reception area. Not too large but spacious enough to accommodate the comings and goings of the occupants. There was a furniture grouping before an ornate fireplace near the front window and the original hotel desk across from the old fashioned lift gates. Caroline headed to the desk and asked to speak to the manager. She had met Mr. Armitage when she had first viewed the property. He was tall, not bad looking in an oily sort of way, fancied himself something of a ladies man and had been taken with Caroline in spite of her cool professional manner.

Today, Mr. Armitage was delighted to see her returning and greeted her effusively. "Dr. Elliot, isn't it? How nice to see you again. Hopeful, "Have you decided on a particular flat?"

"Actually, we'd like to see the top floor flat if it is still available." This is my partner, Kate McKenzie.

"At the words, 'my partner' Mr. Armitage's smile began to fade. Looking from Kate to Caroline he saw the set of her jaw and continued, "Ah, yes, of course, Dr. Elliot. That flat is still available, it is one of our finest as you know. Let me just get the key."

Kate exchanged a look with Caroline who lifted her chin a little higher and tilted her head as she turned to press the lift button. Mr. Armitage was with them again almost instantaneously ushering them into the lift as the doors opened. Watching as Caroline took Kate's hand, leading her inside, he cleared his throat before continuing, "Are you contemplating buying the flat Dr. Elliot, or leasing?

Caroline looked at the dull red face and saw his eyes fixed on her hand, which still held Kate's. She replied coldly, "That remains to be seen, Mr. Armitage."

Stepping into an accommodating foyer lighted by a skylight and decorated with an upholstered bench and a console table with an arrangement of flowers, Caroline could see that Kate was pleased. Unlocking the left of two art deco doors either side of the foyer, Armitage turned to the two women as he pushed the door open for them to enter before him, "The layout is very spacious, it may be more than you really need."

Caroline dropped Kate's hand so she could continue inside and stopped short to confront this man that she had begun to actively dislike, fixing him with a long hard look of warningbefore she followed Kate into a space that was truly magnificent.

In spite of her late arrival she had heard Kate's gasp of surprise. The entrance from the center of the building led directly into a room of grand proportions, running the width of the building. To the right, facing south was a long wide living area with a bank of windows running the length of the room. A wide ledge supported with low bookshelves, forming the longest window seat either woman had ever seen. To their immediate left was a generous space intended for a dining table, evidenced by the splendid chandelier hanging in the center, salvaged from the renovation as Armitage was quick to point out. The back wall of the dining room held three smaller windows facing north. Adjacent to this was a kitchen, lighted by another skylight. The kitchen was small in comparison to Caroline's but large beside Kate's. Cabinetry filled two walls and the other two sides formed a breakfast bar that kept the view open to the long room overlooking The Stray as well as the dining room.

Winter sunlight made the rooms bright and Caroline followed Kate to the spectacular vista of the winter landscape on The Stray. Softly, so only she could hear, "Do you think you could get used to seeing this everyday?"

Surreptitiously, "Caroline, isn't this a little grand for us?"

Taking her hand and turning, "Mr. Armitage, will you show us the rest of the suite please?"

Once Armitage had duly pointed out all of the original features of the building kept intact or repurposed during the renovation, showcased the modern amenities, and listed the benefits and services included in the price Caroline asked if he could leave them to contemplate their decision. She offered to meet him in his office when they finished. The dull red once again showing on his face he agreed, closing the door behind him.

Turning to Kate, Caroline asked tentatively, "Do you like it?"

"Oh Caroline, do you have to ask?" Turning back to the irresistible view, "What's not to like? I never dreamed that a flat could have so much space." They walked from room to room, this time envisioning themselves living here with Laurence and William and the baby. "Why we could live here permanently if we liked."

Caroline, coming to rest with her back against the breakfast bar watched as Kate walked toward her from the bedroom passage and said softly, "would you like that?"

Dropping her handbag onto the floor, Kate walked up to Caroline, placing hands on her hips and pressing her belly into Caroline's in a way she had come to know would cause an involuntary intake of breath through pink lips. "I'd like to be wherever you are Caroline," murmured Kate as she bent her head to cover the lips which always opened automatically at her approach. Once again it was the baby protesting the pressure into her space that brought them back to realization of time and place. Kate laughed softly into Caroline's ear, "Think of the trouble we'd be in if it weren't for this little girl keeping us in line."

Gazing into the depths of sparkling dark brown eyes, Caroline muttered, "Cheeky already isn't she?" Pulling Kate over to the window they sat on the wide sill in the sunshine. "Kate, if you like it we can take a one year lease with an option to buy. By the end of a year we will have had a chance to see how living here is working out and if we want to continue or start looking for another house. What do you think?"

Kate considered, looking around the room then out the window at the lovely view before once more meeting the intense blue eyes that had never left her face. "Caroline, can we really afford this?" Pulling her chin in for a moment, "a penthouse suite, isn't that rather grand?"

Patiently, "This is Harrogate, not London Kate." Caroline, unable to resist, kissed the corner of Kate's mouth and said gently, "I can manage it." Then more businesslike, "Now that the house is sold there's no problem. Actually it is less than the monthly on Conway Drive and some other fees are included. Besides I think I can talk him down a bit since it has been on the market so long." With her charmingly self-deprecating smile, "So, yeah."

Kate, who had been leaning toward Caroline, sat up straight and turned serious at the words 'I can manage it'. "Caroline, if we are going to make a home together we are going to do it together. Equally. I have no intention of being a kept woman."

Caroline burst out laughing, then sobered quickly when she saw that Kate was not amused. "Kate, we don't have to worry about that now."

Looking at Caroline levelly, "I think this is one of those times we are going to need to talk things through the way we've promised each other this weekend." Firmness in her voice, "We may as well get this straight from the beginning. In our home and our family we will share everything, equally, including, maybe especially, the expense." Kate adamantly held Caroline's eyes.

Caroline, seeing how important this was to Kate, spoke pleadingly, "but Kate, I earn..."

"Yes, Caroline, I know you earn more than I do." Kate interrupted. "But I want to support our family as much as you."

Caroline thought for a moment then took Kate's hands and looking into her eyes, "Kate, you know that in these kinds of relationships, even marriage, things don't always come out 50/50 in everything? Somehow a balance is achieved one way and another, at least in the good ones. I wouldn't want us to always be counting and keeping score. Would you?"

Kate took her hands back and reflected a moment before speaking. "No, not keeping score," she admitted, giving Caroline a penetrating look, "But I know that in your marriage to John, you managed everything and he let you. I realize that you have a gift for administration but I'm not willing to be passive and silent. I want us to be partners in every sense of the word, talking decisions through, coming to a consensus. Not you driving everything and I just follow along."

Seeing that Caroline was rocked back a bit by her tone, Kate went on more gently, "One of the ways we got into trouble before Caroline was my unwillingness to challenge you. Not challenge really, just... present another point of view and state my opinions. We need to discuss things. Everything." Taking Caroline's hands again, "That is what I want us to have together Caroline. Is that what you want?"

Caroline was silent for a moment, her eyes on Kate's face, considering Kate's point of view. Smiling, she put fingers on Kate's cheek briefly, "I know I don't always get it right. We _should_ talk things over together. We've agreed to that." Pausing she tilted her head and gave a little shrug and said ruefully, "you may need to remind me until I get used to it, but yes, that's what I want too." Pressing her forehead to Kate's they both breathed deeply for a moment feeling that a hurdle had been cleared.

Caroline began cautiously, "So, in terms of a family budget, just in principal, we'll put pen to paper on the details later, I don't think going halves is exactly fair to you. The boys are my responsibility – and John's. I'll need to contribute more for their share."

Indignant, "I thought we were going to be a family!"

Earnestly, "Well, we are." Placating, "I'm just trying to be fair to you."

Kate insisted, "If we are a family, 50/50 _is_ fair."

Unconvinced, Caroline cast about in her mind for a solution. Her face suddenly brightening, "OK. If we are a family and we share 50/50, the money you send to your brother each month comes out of the family budget."

One of the things Caroline had learned during their time together is that Kate's twin, Kevin, worked for Doctors without Borders. While Kate had followed into her father's profession, Kevin had trained as a doctor and altruistically spent his career traveling the world, hop scotching from one trouble spot to the next. This explained Kate's fixation with world news and time spent on the internet tracking Kevin and the organization he served.

Aghast, "Caroline! He's my twin. I send Kevin money to support his work. He is so selfless, I know he gives away most of his own salary. I only hope that he uses at least a little of what I send on himself. Even if he doesn't, I know it's actually benefitting someone in need. I'm not brave enough to do what he does so I support him."

Eyebrows arched, "so, you can take on my responsibilities but I can't take on yours?"

Cornered, "Caroline, it is not the same at all. The boys will grow up and that expense will go away, Kevin's work will go on and on unless…" Tears suddenly blurring her vision Kate looked away.

Caroline wished that she could assure Kate that Kevin would always be safe but they both knew that wasn't true. Bringing her face back with fingers on each cheek, thumbs wiping away tears, "It is _exactly_ the same." Challenging her, "Deal or no deal?"

Giving Caroline a look that said she was not convinced of her logic but was giving in anyway, nodded before kissing her for her generosity.

Caroline, suddenly remembering that Mr. Armitage was waiting for them in his office said, "So, this flat. Shall we lease with an option to buy?"

Smiling, Kate nodded. "Yes, if you are sure we can afford it."

Caroline rising, pulled Kate to her feet, "Yep. Let's take care of this."

Walking toward the door Kate asked, "When do you think we will be able to move in?"

"Friday."

Halting, Kate almost shouted, "Friday!"

"Don't worry, it will be fine. Come on." Caroline pulled Kate into the lift.

"Caroline, I can't be ready to move by Friday!"

"Shhh, I have a plan." Looking at Kate over glasses that were not there at the moment, "I thought you promised to let me take care of you. Besides, you heard the doctor this morning, your not to worry."

Kate stood, her mouth open, trying to formulate a response and failing. Caroline, grinning in triumph took her hand and led her across the lobby to the manager's office.

Surprising Armitage, who rose belatedly indicating that they should be seated across the desk from him. Taking a pen from the holder Caroline wrote a number on the memo pad, "this is what I am prepared to pay, in advance, for a one year lease with the option to buy. I realize that it is less than the listed price but I also know that in just under a year you have been unable to find an occupant. What do you say?"

Thinking greedily of the bonus he would receive for leasing the prestigious suite on the top floor Armitage stammered his agreement.

"You'll draw up the papers today?" At his nod, "Good, I'll return at 4:00 this afternoon with a cashier's check to sign the lease. We'd like to move in on Friday, how will that be?"

"Fine, uh just fine." The woman didn't let grass grow under her feet did she?

Standing, Caroline turned back to face the manager, "Oh Mr. Armitage, one other thing. I have observed today some... discomfort on your part as you gave us the tour. Especially when Miss McKenzie and I were holding hands or being affectionate in any way. You won't have a problem leasing a flat to a same gender couple?"

Shocked at being called on his behavior in such a direct way, Armitage sputtered for a moment before formulating an answer. "Nnno, no. That would, erm, be against the law now wouldn't it?" Actually putting a finger between his shirt collar and his neck, "no, I'm happy to lease the flat to you."

Caroline, still not satisfied, continued. "Good. I'd hate to think of the consequences if Miss McKenzie or a member of my family or even any of our guests ever had reason to feel uncomfortable because of something you or a member of your staff said or did.

Of course, Dr. Elliot. I'm sure...

"I'm sure too, Mr. Armitage," cut in Caroline holding his gaze until he looked away. Taking Kate's hand once again, Caroline swept out of the office and through the front door without giving Kate time to button her coat or put on her gloves.

Unlocking the car door with the surrendered keys and handing a still speechless Kate inside, Caroline rounded the car briskly and slid into the driver's seat. She started the engine and fastened her seat belt, still too indignant over this exchange to have thought to look at Kate. Suddenly reaching for the gear stick that was not there, it occurred to her for the first time that she was not in her Jeep. Stricken, she turned, "Um, sorry, I forgot that I wasn't driving today."

Kate, pressed back against the seat, watching Caroline preparing to drive her car away was simply blinking until Caroline spoke to her. Then her brows rose as she grinned, "Caroline. How masterful of you." At this both women burst into laughter before Caroline maneuvered the car out onto the street.

x

Over lunch in Kate's kitchen, Caroline outlined her plan to accomplish their joint move by the weekend. As you know, our house is mainly packed already. Ordinarily, Laurence and I would do the rest of the packing ourselves but given our new timeline I thought I would arrange with the removal company to do the rest.

Taking a deep breath, knowing she was now on less sure footing. "If you'd like I can arrange for the moving company to pack things here at yours on Wednesday, oh, no that's a holiday, so Thursday, whatever you want to take to the new place. Everything could be moved from both houses to the new flat on Friday." Seeing Kate considering this, "Then we would have Saturday and Sunday to get organized there before we have to go back to work on Monday."

Doubtfully, "Seems like quite a bit to do in one week. But I suppose it _could_ work."

Striving to convince, "I interviewed several moving and storage companies, this one has the best storage facility for the things we won't need in the flat and he promised that timing a move would never be an issue as he has several experienced teams."

Growing excited again at making plans, "We'll have the boys to help. Laurence is an expert at packing these days and William is always good about being helpful." Going on, "We could arrange to have packing teams come in on Thursday, to both houses to pack the things that go to The Lion leaving the things that go into storage to be packed after we move." Tipping her head and looking at Kate with that cute wrinkled nose, "So, is that…? Is that alright?"

Kate relented then, and smiled her assent, "Caroline, it sounds like a very sensible plan. I'll let you organize the details with the removal company."

Pulling Kate in close, "You won't need to lift a finger. Not during the whole move. You're to supervise, direct traffic, tell us all what to do. No lifting, toting or carrying of any kind, is that clear?" Going right on, "So, why don't you lie down to rest and I'll dash off to take care of things this afternoon and come by to pick you up later."

Kissing Caroline provocatively, "Have I ever told you how sexy you are when you're being firm and commanding Dr. Elliot?"

"Well, not lately," coming back for more.

Murmured, "Upstairs?"

Glancing at her watch, Caroline felt Kate push her away.

"You're looking at your watch, Caroline? Really?"

Not quite sure if Kate is really cross or teasing with her Caroline reaches for Kate only to be evaded. Pleading, "Kate, you know I have to make arrangements with the movers this afternoon if we hope to make Friday possible, then go to the bank so I can get back to sign the lease, stop in at the estate agents to sign…" Moving quickly she captures Kate, holding her tightly as she tries to land a kiss and succeeds only in meeting a cheek. Exploring with her lips and hands she soon has Kate relaxing against her. Whispering into an ear, "I can lay with you for half an hour if you promise to take a nap while I'm away."

Pouting prettily, "Not if you're going to be looking at your watch the whole time."

"Nope, I promise. But I will have to set an alarm then." Allowing herself to be led through the sitting room by Kate who kept glancing back over her shoulder in a way that put butterflies in Caroline's stomach. Reaching the hall, Kate pushed Caroline up the stairs in front of her.

Once in the bedroom, Kate tucks her head and kisses Caroline searchingly. Passionately.

Kate's mouth moving just under her ear now, Caroline has only enough breath to get out, "Oh Kate." Feeling Kate's hands pushing her jacket off her shoulders she knows she needs to stop this here because once the clothes start coming off, there is little chance of going back. Resisting, "Kate, please."

"You said you'd lie with me, Caroline. You don't want your jacket to get wrinkled. I'll just put it here on the chair." Another bone meltingly sensuous kiss, fingers with a firm, knowing touch running slowly up her ribcage, heels of the hands pressing against the sides of her breasts, then, in time, moving around to her shoulder blades, pressing her into an ardent kiss.

Breathlessly, "Kate, what are you doing? Kate!" Her zipper is already down to her belt and moving lower. Kate's fingers are between them now, unbuckling the hindrance, dropping it to the floor. Really now, she must stop this. Laughing softly, "Kaate." Unable to stop her, "You're very strong."

"Am I?"

"Kate, I'm…" What was it she meant to say?

"Oh, Kate." There goes the bra, even if she _could_ stop now she doesn't want to. "K-aa-t-e."

"Shhh."

Oh God, another one of those kisses, with Kate's hands covering her breasts. It's getting very hard to breath.

One last try, "Kate, thirty minutes isn't-"

"Shut up, Caroline." Any possible protest is sealed away with a mouth that is demanding everything of her. So she delivers.

Somehow her knickers and tights are somewhere below her knees and probing fingers are just where she wants them. Meltingly, "K-aa-t-e." Once she's inside it quickly becomes urgent, "Kate. Kate. Kate."

Kate's eyes are on her now "I love putting that look on your face."

Caroline's eyes on Kate's love filled eyes, "K-aa-t-e." Her breath coming only in ragged gasps now, "K-aa-t-e."

Chin lifted, "Yes?"

"Oh, Kate."

"Talk to me now, Caroline."

Gasping, "Can't"

"You can."

On an ascending note, "Ahhh." Swallowing, "Could we... lie down now?"

Through a fleeting smile, "You're fine."

From somewhere on the floor is the chirp of the alarm.

Cheekily, "You'd better go then, you'll be late."

Guiding the delinquent arm back into place. "Sod that!"

Finding Kate's shoulders she clings tightly, now she can push against those long sweet fingers plying her body with such pleasure. Kate's face so close to hers, pleased to be pleasing her, supporting her, satisfying her. There, there, there! And suddenly she can't stand any longer, its only Kate and the wall keeping her upright. Kate leaning in close, supporting her until slowly she is able to take some of her own weight again.

"Caroline."

Firm fingers lifting her chin to look into a serious face. Too serious for this moment. Focus Caroline.

"Caroline, you don't _get_ to organize _me_." Kate's dark eyes are black with intent in her grave face.

Spoken so quietly yet there was steel in the words. A steel cable running through them, firmly attaching them to a memory she would not soon forget. A lesson, a warning. Disregard it at your peril. She knew this peril.

"Caroline? Tell me that you understand?" Now her shoulders were being gripped.

She manages a nod. She's crossed a boundary. She mustn't ever take Kate's good nature for granted. She won't be managed or controlled. Be careful Caroline.

More tenderly now, "Tell me."

"Yes. Yes, Kate. I _do_ understand."

Lifting the little black dress, giving it a shake, Kate passes it to Caroline. Scanning slowly from the ankles up, Kate cannot keep the softness from her features, the appreciation from her eyes when they finally meet the face that is still a little dazed, the lines around Caroline's mouth all pointing down until she takes in Kate's expression. Gradually, like the sun rising she brightens, its going to be OK.

A timid smile breaks through and Kate's stomach does that wrenching thing it does so often when she looks at Caroline. Gently with a wry look, "You might want to get dressed now. I think you have somewhere you need to be." Kate turns away before she can't turn away.

Seated on the side of the bed, toeing off her shoes, watching Caroline retrieve each discarded item, arranging it carefully over her arm, the dress, the belt, tights, knickers. Displaying them just so against the black of the dress, blue eyes on her face, watching her reactions. Padding into the bathroom she flashes a satisfied look at Kate before closing the door.

Dear God, those legs. The length of her backside disappears behind the door in the nick of time. Glad that she is already seated, Kate swallows, talks herself out of following. Barely.

When Caroline returns, she drops to her knees beside the bed, pulling the blanket up over Kate's shoulder, leaning her arms against the edge. "I am sorry Kate. We've barely finished having the conversation and I'm getting it wrong again. Am I pushing too hard for the move? We could…"

Interrupting the flow, "You answered for me this morning, Caroline." Seeing puzzlement, "About going part time." Indignantly, "You told Dr. Kent it could be arranged without even looking at me."

Remembering, it finally registers, Caroline is stricken. "Oh, Kate."

"I'm a grown woman, Caroline. I've been managing my own affairs for a good many years now. I don't need you to speak for me." Seeing the words hit home, Kate dialed back a bit, "I know you are concerned for me. I see how excited you are for this move and I am too, but go lightly Caroline."

Chastened, Caroline simply nodded, her eyes promising that she understood. " I do love you, Kate. I am sorry."

"I love you too." Smiling fondly, "Now go take care of things for us. I'll see you when you get back."

Nodding again, Caroline dared to place her lips reverently on Kate's. A renewal of her promise. Then she rose, stepped into her shoes and donning her jacket turned to give Kate one more angelic smile before descending the stairs. She left the cottage with Kate's admonitions in her ears and the imprint of Kate still on her body. It was an odd combination and she felt off balance. No one had ever had this kind of effect on her before. It was disconcerting. The rules were changing and they were no longer her rules.

Caroline transacted her business as efficiently as always that afternoon but her mind was processing what they had learned in the consultant's office that morning, the plans she and Kate had laid and how she could protect and care for Kate without offending her during this week that inevitably would put a strain on all of them.

In the car on the way back to Conway Road, Caroline timidly broached the subject that she could not get off her mind. "Kate, I want to apologize for this morning. Speaking for you. I won't do that again, I promise. I am sorry."

"I know you were worried but…"

"What?"

"Caroline, I realize that there is this vast campaign map in your mind where you are always working out the best possible strategies for the optimum outcome in every situation. For the school, your family, your home and personal business, I know that you are wired for accomplishment." Looking at her lovingly Kate said softly, "I really do admire that in you." Then she went on, "But I can't be just another marker on your board, shunted and slotted conveniently or to the best advantage." Waiting as Caroline put the car in park and turned to look at her, she went on earnestly, "Caroline, we can talk about anything, but I won't be managed or sidelined. If this is going to work between us then it needs to be you and me working things out together."

Caroline watching Kate's face in the light from the dash responded sincerely, "I will do better Kate, I promise."

Kate, the love light once again in her face, "I love you Caroline."

At dinner that night the boys were put into the picture about the sale of the house and plans for the imminent move. Caroline and Kate sat side by side at the table so that they could see the boys' reactions to the news that they were about to move out of their family home. William nodded; neither said anything but neither looked very happy either.

"I know this is difficult for you. You were both little boys when we moved here. We've lived here a long time. For your sakes, I'm sorry that it worked out this way."

William, ever her supporter, patted her hand and said, "We know, Mum. It isn't your fault. It... just is."

Laurence asked, "so now what?"

Caroline continued, "You were with me when we went to the old Lion Hotel. Remember the one on the top floor? Kate and I are leasing it for the next year."

"Really? That's not far from where Angus lives. We could walk to one another's house. Cool." said Laurence.

Caroline worried that Laurence hadn't really taken in the fact that they were moving out of this house, pursued, "Laurence, are you really OK with this move?"

Shrugging, he looked at his Mum, "It _has_ been a little empty here when it is just you and me. Sorry." Caroline nodded, not sure what to say to this. "Besides, in a flat there won't be any gardening to do. Woo hoo!" he grinned at his Mum who had regularly wrangled him into helping with outdoor chores all fall in an effort to keep the place looking nice for potential buyers.

Looking at William now, Caroline silently questioned him. Smiling gently at her, he said, "It will be a little sad to think that we don't live here anymore. That YOU don't live here anymore." Apologetically, "I'm likely to be here less and less as time goes by. You and Kate need to do what's best for the two of you."

Caroline, tears in her eyes, stood up and held out her arms in a gesture so familiar to both boys that they immediately rose to their feet to be pulled in. Her arms full of tall, hard muscled boys, well on their way to manhood, Caroline allowed her full heart to show in her eyes as she met Kate's gaze before closing them on her tears and clasping both boys tighter for a moment before releasing them lest they grow restive. Placing a hand on a cheek of each before wiping tears from her own with her fingers, she said, "Right, let's get this cleared up then." As the four of them put the kitchen to rights they discussed the logistics of engineering the move.

After a spirited game of Scrabble, begun at Will's request, the boys had gone on to Xbox and Caroline and Kate retired to Caroline's room.

"Do you think the boys are as OK with all of this as they seem?" inquired Kate.

Caroline shrugged, "it isn't as though there was much choice is there? Besides, at their ages home life is probably less important than it once was. They are looking to their friends more and more now."

Putting her arms around Caroline's waist as she straightened from turning down the bed, "and how are you doing?"

Turning in Kate's arms to smooth back the hair from the concerned face, Caroline smiled her appreciation at being asked the question. Shrugging, she replied, "As William says, it is a little sad. I had so much fun renovating this house, putting it all back together better than it was before. But that was over long ago." Smiling at Kate, "I'm looking forward to putting together a new life with you."

Holding Kate's gaze while running her hands down smooth arms, then up the sides of the rounded belly until they cupped full breasts with outstretched thumbs quickly firming nipples. "Lovely things you did to me this afternoon." Caroline leaned in bringing her lips almost in touch with the parted brown lips. She reveled in the sound of Kate's breath coming a little faster, the feel of that warm breath on her lips, the fingers that tightened on her waist, pulling her in.

Abstractedly "Against your better judgment."

Breathed, "Oh so worth being late."

Frustrated that her pelvis could no longer be fitted to Kate's, bringing them both that well remembered pleasure, she contented herself by feigning to kiss Kate, watching as her mouth tracked Caroline's every move, ready, willing, eager to connect until finally they could no longer resist the temptation. Unbidden moans only drove them on, hands gliding over newly bared skin, caressing, gripping, probing, swelling the desire, eventually quelling the need.


	20. Chapter 20

**20 Tuesday - New Year's Eve**

In spite of all the things they could have been doing to proceed with their move, the two women lingered in bed the next morning. So wrapped up in one another and being together again that they simply stayed where they were. It felt luxurious to wake, talking, touching, making love then starting all over again.

Eventually they heard the bump of boxes against a wall and the boy's voices as they began packing up their bedrooms as instructed by Caroline the evening before. This only made it cozier to remain marooned on their island bed feeling quite content.

As always when this close to Kate, Caroline's hand rested on the round belly, seeking the movement of tiny limbs. "Have you thought of a name for her?"

"Umm, hmmm."

Caroline looked up to the face so near her own.

Tentatively, "We can talk about other names if you don't like it but in my mind… for some time… I've been calling her Callie." Enlarging on this, "Caroline Kathryn." Seeing tears forming in bright blue eyes, "What do you think?"

Swallowing her tears, "for both of us?"

Smiling, "for both of us."

"Oh Kate. I don't know what to say. You've been thinking of this name all the time we've been… Kate. Why…"

Stroking Caroline's cheek, "you were always on my mind." Seeing Caroline remembering, Kate said tenderly, "I know what I said but I never could stop thinking about you." Thinking back, "I think I told you about the night with your Mum, discussing names for Emily Jane – just after she was born. Celia asked me what I would name a little girl and I had a whole litany of names." Looking rueful, "Then I said, mimicking herself 'it'll all depend on what Caroline thinks.' I embarrassed myself when I realized that I'd revealed we had talked of having a baby." At Caroline's look of sympathy, "but when _she_ became real to me, the only name I could think of was Caroline Kathryn. Somehow Callie just came out of that as I was talking to her."

"It's lovely, I like the alliterative sound." Moving onto an elbow for a better view of Kate, "I'm so glad we've been able to…" Touching a perfect cheek with her fingers, "I want so much to be a part of her life as well as yours," tilting her head, shyly saying the name for the first time, "Callie's life." Swallowing emotion again, "Kate, I do love you. So much. I am so _very_ happy to be here with you. Building a life with you. Raising… Callie with _you_." Working to regain control, "It is humbling to be this happy. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve you, Kate." By the time she got this out her throat closed and tears rolled.

Kate pulled her in tight, cupping the back of her head tenderly, "I love you, Caroline." Emotions running this high forced them back to touch to convey the depth of their feeling for one another.

Rousing from her drowse, Kate saw that Caroline's focus was on her but with a preoccupied expression. Kate became concerned, "What are you thinking? Caroline?"

"I'm worried about you. About your health and Callie's, keeping you safe." Hesitating, "I know you don't want to talk about this but I'm more afraid not to."

Tenderly, "Dear Heart, I told you yesterday, we can talk about anything." Regarding the long face, "Tell me."

A questioning look, "Dear Heart?"

A little embarrassed Kate tilted her head, "Just one of the corny songs I broke my heart over while we were apart."

Her face regretful, "I broke your heart." Kate's finger over her lips reminding her that they weren't going back there. Her tone sweet, "Seems like I should know that one from way back but…"

"Mancini arrangement, I'll play it for you one day, if you like."

Clearly pleased, "no one has ever had a pet name for me before."

Wonderingly, "Never?" Watching the negative shake of the blond head, "Do you like it?"

"I love it." Swallowing emotion Caroline said softly, "I especially like that you were thinking it… of me… then."

Kate rose on an elbow to place her lips on Caroline's in a delicate kiss. Pulling back to gaze into the face of this woman who had been so starved for love and affection. Thinking of the bleakness she had endured for so many years, of the role that this bleakness had played in their affairs, Kate was moved and dedicated herself to making sure that Caroline knew she was loved and cherished every day from now on. Remembering now that Caroline was worried, Kate prompted softly, "What has you troubled?"

Stroking Kate's shining hair back, "There is so much to do this week, moving both households. I can't be in two places at once and even if I could, at yours there are decisions that only you can make." Swallowing hard, "I want to protect you," fiercely, "I must protect you. This move is meant to get us all into one household to make everything easier on you but if this week puts you at risk then it is all for naught." All at once unsure, "Have we – I… made the right decision?"

Kate was thoughtful as she caressed Caroline's face, considering this, "I don't feel unwell Caroline. I do get tired more easily these days but…" Seeing Caroline's mouth open Kate interrupted herself to add quickly, "I know what the doctor said and I _will_ follow his advice." Her face softening now, "I haven't come this far to get her, our Callie, only to let anything I do-" Kate choked on the thought of anything happening to the baby she had waited for her whole life.

Tears in her eyes, "I know, Kate. I know." Kissing Kate while running a hand over her belly, a smile lightened her expression, "Whoa, she's wound up this morning, isn't she?" Reassured by this adamant life force within Kate, her spirit lifted. "Kate, nothing is going to happen to her, we just won't let it." Making a decision, she pushed Kate away a little to see her face better, "Fair warning, even if you get cross with me, I'm going to do my best to keep you from overdoing this week. No matter how much you want to help."

Kate, her eyes full of love, holding dear the rush she felt at the full force of Caroline's devotion, did not answer but raised her lips to be kissed. Complying tenderly, Caroline's emotions rose to the surface, tears in her eyes she whispered, "Kate, if anything happened to you now, I truly don't know what would become of me. Being here with you, like this is so…" unable to go on, she felt Kate's arms tighten around her.

Whispering, "I know Caroline, I know."

When she could to speak, Caroline shook her head in wonder, her eyes drinking in the miracle of Kate in her arms, "How did we manage to stay apart for six months?"

Looking quizzical for a moment, Kate tried to recall, "I don't know." Considering, "Fear I guess. I was so afraid that you would never love me the way I loved you. You afraid that I would reject you again." Marveling, "but you just kept turning up anyway." Losing herself in brimming pools of blue, "It hardly seems possible now. To be apart. Unthinkable really."

Caroline's eyes on Kate's she breathed in awe, "Kate, I didn't know it was possible to love like this. God help me."

Just before lunch, Caroline's phone pinged an incoming call. "Hi Mum."

"Well, you sound on top of the world this morning."

"Mmmm?" Unable to keep the smile from her face, admitted, "Maybe I am."

Celia, pleased to hear Caroline sounding happy but never one to gush, went on sounding excited, "I'm calling because Gillian wants you all to come over for a party tonight. A New Year's Eve party," she added as if to clear up a mystery.

"Tonight. At the farm?" Thinking of the size of the rooms at the farmhouse, her voice squeaked a little, "All of us?"

"Yes, all the family together again. Raf said he and Laurence and William want to play some game that Raf has and the boys don't. Alan says there are sleeping bags here and they can camp out in the sitting room when they are ready."

"Well, the boys won't mind that but…" Regret and doubt, "I don't think there's room for everyone to stay over there and it is quite a drive back to Harrogate after a New Year's Eve party."

"Couldn't you and Kate book a room at a hotel in Halifax? Come back for the boys in the morning?" Clearly she had been thinking this through before her call and sounded anxious for them to join the group at the farm. Waiting for a reply Celia couldn't resist adding in an accusatory voice as if it were all Caroline's doing, "I haven't seen you for days."

Caroline, recognizing the veiled need but not wanting to commit without thinking it through and suddenly realizing that this was something that she should not decide on her own said, "Mum, can I talk to Kate and ring you back?"

"Talk to…" popped out in her surprise at Caroline consulting with anyone. Then, remembering how she and Alan talked everything over now, "Yes. Yes, you should. Good. Well. I hope you'll be able to be here, I'll look forward to hearing from you soon."

Caroline, realizing something of the thought process her mother had just been through let her gratitude come through her voice, "Thanks Mum. I'll be back to you soon." Bye. Bye, bye.

Coming into the kitchen where Kate was grilling sandwiches for their lunch Caroline found a welcoming smile as Kate turned from the stove, spatula in hand to lean in for a kiss. Glancing at the instrument in Caroline's hand, "Someone's called?"

"Yes, my mother."

"Everything alright?"

Yes," sounding speculative, "she says Gillian is inviting all of us to the farm tonight for a New Year's Eve party."

Taking in Caroline's expression, " Is that not… Don't you want to go?"

"Oh, it isn't that exactly. I guess I hadn't thought much about it being a party night." Shrugging, "We all had a good enough time together here on Christmas. Raf wants the boys to come over." Looking at Kate a little worried, "You haven't been there yet have you? It isn't really what you might call a spacious home." A little admiringly, "Not that that ever stops Gillian, she always seems to be happy to take in everyone no matter how limited her means or amenities. The thing is," hesitating, not wanting to pressure Kate, "Mum seems to have her heart set on all of us coming up there."

"We didn't have any other plans did we?"

Leaning on the island, looking earnestly up at Kate, "That's just it, I don't know what you have planned. We haven't talked that far."

Kate chuckled. "We seem to keep running up against this, don't we? Maybe we should synchronize our diaries so we can become more at ease making plans together." Eyes twinkling, "What do you think?"

Relief and joy shining on her face, Caroline nodded, opening her lips to receive Kate's kiss across the island. Laurence coming through just then, said cheekily in a bored voice, "get a room," as he made his way to the refrigerator.

"No snacking, mister, lunch will be ready in…" Caroline looked at Kate.

"Five minutes."

"Five minutes. Wash up and you can help me set the table."

As Laurence moved to the kitchen sink, William came in, "Did I hear lunch?"

"Yes, you did," laughed Kate. "Can you find a platter for me Will?"

"Gillian has invited us for a New Year's Eve party tonight. Would you boys like to go up to the farm this afternoon?"

Both boys greeted the New Years Eve plan enthusiastically, so after lunch Caroline booked a hotel room for her and Kate before calling Gillian. Thanking her for the invitation Caroline let her know that they would be leaving Harrogate mid-afternoon for Halifax and that she and Kate would be staying the night in the town. Gillian &amp; Caroline agreed on what Caroline and Kate could contribute to the party and promised to be along as soon as they could.

With Kate in Caroline's study, the two compared diaries for the coming weeks. Kate surveying the neatly organized but still bulging office raised eyebrows and inquired where Caroline proposed to go with all of this when they moved into the flat. Looking sheepish, Caroline said, "before you and Callie, I had thought the fourth bedroom, leaving a bedroom for each of the boys. Now, I think maybe we can just put a bed for Will in my study to accommodate him when he is home. Then Laurence and Callie can each have their own room. Do you think William will mind?"

"It has been my observation that Will doesn't mind anything that you suggest. But why don't you ask him? Actually, do you think we could go by The Lion this afternoon to look at the flat with the boys? Then, on the way to Halifax we could all talk logistics and preferences."

Caroline, beaming once again, "Miss McKenzie, I think _that_ is a wonderful idea."

You don't think Mr. Armitage will mind do you?"

"Armitage will be no problem," Caroline assured her. "Right, we had better get our skates on if we are going to The Lion. We all need to pack overnight bags and we have to stop at the market on the way out of town." Pulling Kate to her feet with both hands, Caroline kissed her briskly then turned, leading her by the hand out of the study calling out with authority, "Boys!"

After Caroline and Kate checked into the hotel in Halifax and Will had put their luggage into the room, the Jeep headed on to the farm. Daylight was failing, as the days were short, but the track through the moor was still visible. Pulling into the farmyard Caroline could see, in addition to the Landie and the red Lexis, Robbie's pick-up truck, just as she had suspected. It wasn't that she didn't like Robbie, it was the thought of what might happen between him and Gillian in an unguarded moment that worried her.

Seeing the frown on Caroline's face, Kate inquired, "everything OK?"

Smiling unconvincingly, "Yep. Fine."

The boys piled out as soon as the car stopped moving. Grabbing overnighters and a games gear bag they started off for the house before Caroline called them back to first carry in the groceries and drink she had purchased to contribute to the night's festivities. She knew that Gillian's means were limited even if her generosity was not.

Not allowing Kate to carry even the two light carrier bags that were left in the boot, Caroline kept a hand on Kate's arm as she climbed the steep tilting concrete steps to the garden of the farmhouse. Kate, only beginning to accept that Caroline was going to behave this way whether she liked it or not, couldn't help but feel loved and sheltered by these gestures.

Greetings were warm and loud as they made their way into the house. Moving about inside with such a large family group took some maneuvering but eventually the boys and Ellie settled in front of the wide screen playing the games they enjoyed so much. Kate, not allowed to help with food preparations, sat at the kitchen table with Celia, Alan and Ted who regaled the adults with tales of their week's worth of treks through this area where they had all grown up. Since all three were good storytellers, Robbie and Gillian, working companionably to complete the meal, while Caroline did the washing up, regularly found themselves laughing and exchanging indulgent glances at the antics of their elders.

Everyone had filled a plate with the abundant home cooked holiday meal. Even Raf and Laurence were satisfied after going back for second helpings of their favorites. A loud banging on the outer door rang out above the din of voices. Robbie, looking questioningly at Gillian saw her shrug, "We're all here." Laurence being near the door opened it to find his father standing unsteadily on the step. "Pops, what're you doing here?"

Pushing past his son, John barged into the sitting room. "Ahhh. Heresh my family. I came to the house to wish you all a Happy New Year and no one was home. Reckoned you'd be up here so I came on." William stood in front of his father blocking him from coming further into the room. "Dad, you've been drinking, this is not a good place for you to be when you're drinking. John, grinned and looking around the room at no one in particular said, "My son. Thinks because he has gone off to university he can tell his old Dad what to do." Attempting to push past William, John found himself face to face with Robbie. The last time he had been in this room with Robbie he'd had to pick himself off the floor with a split lip and a shiner which didn't go away for 3 weeks. John was not so drunk that he didn't remember this. Staggering back a step, "You.

Reasonably, "John. Lets go outside."

Scowling, "I'm not going anywhere with you. You'll only punch me again." Gillian guilt on her face gazed into a far upper corner of the room, careful not to look at anyone.

Caroline, now beside Robbie, pushing William behind her and looking sternly at her ex, "John, you didn't drive up here in this condition did you?

Looking into her face with contempt, "Noshing wrong with my condition. Course I drove here. Why not."

As Caroline engaged John in conversation, Robbie had dropped back to call in a report and request a police visit. Completing this call he caught Raf's eye and they each took an arm, escorting John unceremoniously from the house. Will grabbed coats and followed them out. Laurence turned away in disgust taking the stairs two at a time. Caroline, looking helplessly at Kate followed him.

Finding Laurence on the side of Raf's bed, Caroline perched beside him. Not knowing what to say she kept silent for a moment.

"Why does he act like this? He's always spoiling things."

"I don't know Laurence." Slowly, "Not really. It's just that he is disappointed in himself I think. This isn't the life he thought he would be living. His dream was to be a great novelist. It hasn't work out that way exactly."

Looking at her with tears in his eyes, "No, not if he's pissed all the time."

Compassion in her face, "No one starts out that way Laurence. It happens gradually." Resignedly, "I have tried to talk him into getting help but he resists. It must be his choice. No one can do it for him. I'm just sorry he keeps behaving this way in front of you boys. It isn't what I want for you. I _am_ sorry."

"It isn't your fault." Suddenly, Laurence was a boy again, "What's going to happen to him tonight?"

"I'm not sure. Robbie's a policeman, he'll will know how to deal with him. I'd go out if I thought it would help but it would probably only make matters worse."

"Because of you and Kate?"

Considering, "Yes, in part. Also, because its a pattern of behavior. It is time for me to… not be a part of that pattern anymore. In that way it is better that he turned up here rather than at the house. Not only because Robbie's handling this but it's interrupting his pattern. When we move into The Lion there will be someone at the desk to keep him from coming up to the suite. If he shows up there, they'll call the police if necessary."

Watching Laurence process this, Caroline decided to carry the point forward with him. "I know last year you and Angus were having a fascination with drink. I hope you're over that now. Drinking can be an enjoyable part of life but it can also become a substitute for living your life if you aren't careful."

Looking at her thoughtfully in that very direct way that Laurence could, "Is that why you stopped last summer?"

She must teach herself to stop thinking that because he didn't say anything, he didn't notice things. "Yes. After Kate… and I split and I finally got your father out of the house I did continue for a time. It was partly habit and it did help me to forget… things for a while." Meeting his eyes, "One day I realized that it wasn't changing anything and it wasn't helping me to get on with my life and I didn't want my children to have two drunken twats for parents so… I stopped."

"Is that why you haven't been drinking still? Even tonight?"

"Partly. I don't need it. Also, because Kate isn't drinking now she's expecting and I don't plan to drink again until she can as well."

Why are women not supposed to drink if they are going to have a baby?"

Knowing why Laurence is asking, "It can cause problems for the baby, small birth weight, early delivery, other problems."

"Guess that's why Dad has been working so hard to keep Judith from drinking."

"Has he?"

"Yeah. In spite of how he was tonight. I think that's why he's still with her. To protect the baby."

A little surprised, "Good for him. I'm glad. If that's true, I'm proud of him."

Putting an arm around Laurence, "I hope you won't let this ruin your evening." Persuasively, "We can still all have a good time, can't we?"

Laurence smiled a little as she smoothed his hair, "Sure," then more certain, "why not?"

As they came off the stairs, taillights could be seen leaving the farmyard through the picture window of the sitting room. Robbie, Raf and William came in from the cold, stamping their feet clean in the foyer. It was beginning to snow again. Celia, who had remained quiet for an uncharacteristically long time asked, "Where did they cart the drunken twat off to Raf?"

"Mum!"

Raf accustomed to Celia's sharp tongue by now, looked sympathetically at Caroline and Laurence saying quietly, "police are just going to lock him up for the night. If he doesn't cause any trouble, Robbie says they will likely let him go sometime tomorrow."

Robbie looked at Caroline, "What do you think about Will driving his Dad's car over to the station? I'll lead him over and bring him back. That way John will have no reason to come back this way when he is released from custody."

Looking at Will who nodded, Caroline said, "Thank you, Robbie."

Robbie's hand on Will's shoulder the two headed back out the door.

With that everyone began gathering plates and glasses to the kitchen and generally clearing away after the meal, which fortunately had been finished before the interruption.

In the kitchen Caroline told Celia and Alan about accepting the advantageous offer on the house at Conway Drive. The two looked at one another across the table in surprise and some alarm. Seeing this Caroline dropped into the vacant chair beside her mother and said gently, "Mum? It isn't as if the house hasn't been on the market for almost six months." Looking over, "Alan?"

"No, sorry love, it's just, I guess we sort of forgot about it with the wedding and all." Taking Celia's hand he reminded, "We've laid a few plans of our own. Looking at Gillian with a mixture of guilt and defiance on his face he pulled up another chair, "Sit down, lass."

Gillian exchanged a 'what now' look with Caroline before taking the seat at the end of the table between her Dad and Celia.

Celia took up their story gazing adoringly into Alan's face, "Since we've been married now, _twice_. And never had a honeymoon we've decided to take a tour through the south of France for a few weeks this winter."

Gillian jumped up and burst out at her Dad, "With your heart condition! France! Three weeks!"

Alan firmly pulled her back down and addressed her sternly, "Gillian. We might as well get this straight right now. I do not intend to stop living before I die."

Caroline, watching all three saw that her mother was as afraid for Alan as Gillian but was putting on a brave face for his sake. Celia was hoping against hope that if they just pretended hard enough, her worst fears would not be realized. In an effort to buy time Caroline interjected, "Perhaps we should talk about it."

Alan turned a severe look on her now, "I'm sorry Caroline, there is nothing to talk about this time. It has been decided."

Caroline and Gillian saw defeat in one another's eyes and listened as Alan continued, "This may change our timetable a bit. We'll need to take time to have our things put into storage. When we get back, maybe Gillian will be kind enough to put us up while we look around seriously for a new place."

Gillian, nodding furiously took a hand of each, "Course, a course, you know you are welcome here as long as you like."

Seeing Celia's questioning eyes on her, Caroline gave a small shrug "Doesn't sound like there is much more to be said, does there?"

"Well, you haven't told us where you're going now you've sold the house," Celia challenged.

Caroline rose to stand beside Kate, behind Gillian's chair, wrapping an arm around her waist, "Yesterday we leased a flat in The Lion along The Stray."

"That old wreck! Besides wouldn't anything there be too small for all of you?" Celia protested.

Caroline and Kate took turns telling about the renovated building and the suite that would be theirs by the end of the week. Telling their tale and answering questions they became excited all over again and were happy when Laurence chimed in, enthusiastically telling of the visit made this afternoon to see their new home.

Driving down into Halifax in the early hours of the morning, Kate, leaning against the head-rest said, "that was nice." Making a face, "Well, everything but John turning up. Robbie handled it well though didn't he?"

Caroline smiled and nodded, amused at Kate, talking to keep herself awake.

Playing Trivial Pursuit was fun too. I haven't played that in years. Pretty evenly matched we were. Although, I think Alan and Celia have been reading the answers – they knew some unlikely things don't you think? Good thing they weren't on the same team. Good idea not to let any of the couples on the same team." Watching Caroline from the glow of the dashboard, "You, Laurence and Celia made a good team. Laurence had sport, Celia knew things from long ago and you knew the rest.

Caroline gave her a Dr. Elliot look, "You're just patting me on the head because you, Robbie, Ted and Raf won."

Consolingly, "Well, all three teams were very close, we just happened to get the last piece of the pie first."

Reaching for Kate's hand, and giving her an apologetic smile, "Don't mind me. Sour grapes. You know I hate to lose.

Removing her hand from Caroline's, "you should have two hands on the wheel even if it has stopped snowing." Moving nimble fingers up Caroline's leg, "I can think of a way you could still get a win out of tonight."

Warningly, as she placed Kate's hand back on top of her leg, "you think that's safer than one hand on the wheel?"

"More fun at least," the leer ending in a yawn.

"Ha!" Grinning now, Caroline said tauntingly, "as if your going to stay awake long enough to finish what you're starting."


	21. Chapter 21

**21 New Year's Day - Lunch at the Farm**

Caroline wakened from fitful sleep in an overheated room. Some malfunction of the heating system had caused their room to feel not only warm but muggy as well. Front to back with Kate as they had slept since their reunion a week ago, she felt sweat trickling. Opening her eyes, she saw Kate, sprawled back against her, limbs outstretched, the covers doubled back onto Caroline. Smiling, she realized why she was glistening with sweat while Kate's skin was dry and cool to the touch.

Easing over ever so slightly, Caroline rolled away the covers to expose her own flesh in an effort to cool. Almost instantly Caroline was reclaimed by sleep, Kate's body still reclined against her and a small smile of peace and contentment on her face.

Kate, creeping softly back into the bed after a trip to the loo was trying not to wake Caroline. It was barely light and they'd gotten in to their hotel room in the early hours of the morning. This past week had been a very emotional one for them both and the week ahead would be demanding, especially for Caroline, who would insist on doing twice as much as necessary in an effort to keep her from doing anything to assist with the move. In no way did Kate wish to endanger the child within her but she was still capable of more than Caroline would be likely to allow. Still, it had been a long time since anyone had been as focused on her and as caring as Caroline was being. It was soul satisfying to feel this loved. Easing back onto the pillow now with a soft sigh, Kate turned to assure herself that Caroline slept, only to find the blue lights blinking on.

"You're very cute when you are trying not to wake me."

Making a face at her, "You could have let me know you were awake so I could have dropped onto the bed like the enormous baggage I am instead of going in slow motion."

With an impish smile, "Much more entertaining this way." Allowing her eyes to rove down Kate's still uncovered body. In a soft slow voice, "Have I told you how very, very seductive I find you? Pregnancy suits you, Kate." Continuing to openly stare, caressing only with her eyes, "The definitive female form." Caroline's breathing was coming faster now, her voice though still savoring the syllables, "fecund, opulent, voluptuous, enticing." Letting her eyes meet Kate's, continuing in that unhurried, appreciative voice, "Kate, you are so beautiful it makes my heart ache. You make me crave you."

Rolling onto her side, closer but solitary, her own breathing rate increasing as she let herself be enthralled, eyes kindling, voice smoky, "Caroline, you make me feel attractive."

"Oh Kate, your so much more than that. Irresistible." Moving to drag her lips across the tops of Kate's breasts then pulling back to continue making verbal love to Kate, "your breasts have always been full, rounded even, but now, now they're lavish, lush, luxurious," encompassing a nipple with her mouth, ever so softly. With her lips and tongue Caroline began the painstaking process of making love to Kate's body, all of it, describing its appeal to her then making that appeal tangible, with only her mouth.

When at last Caroline rested her head on the pillow next to Kate's face she saw that it was still sloe eyed with passion. A small self-satisfied smile crossed her lips, gone as quickly as it came, but Kate saw and deftly vanquished smug with her own power to stir.

Desires surfeited the lovers drifted lightly in and out of consciousness for a time. Caroline delighting in the sheer joy of lying here, suffused with satisfaction in one another. It was bliss.

xxx

After lunch at the farm the Elliot contingent returned to Harrogate, the trio of elders electing to spend another night in place before driving back tomorrow. Upon arrival at the house on Conway Drive everyone scattered to his or her own pursuits. They'd all had a good time but the close quarters in the farmhouse had everyone looking for a little space of their own.

After a late night and fitful sleep in an overheated room, Caroline and Kate stretched out on Caroline's bed. It felt good to relax physically into comfort and privacy again. Gazing into one another's eyes, remembering the pleasures of the morning, they smiled and regaled one another with recalled moments of especial enjoyment or describing the delicious sight of the other, snapshots of the mind. Whispering, murmuring, faces touching, lips kissing everywhere they could reach, hair, brows, lips; fingers caressing found skin, until fatigue trumped desire and they drifted off to sleep wound closely into one another.

The sound of a mobile, Kate's this time, wakened them both with a start. Leaning across Caroline, Kate fumbled for her phone. Seeing that the caller was her mother, Kate cleared her throat in an effort to sound like she hadn't just been sleeping. Still leaning on Caroline, "Mum. Hi."

"Oh dear, I've wakened you. I'm sorry. I know you need your rest these days."

Glancing at the bedside clock, "It's alright, time we were getting up anyway."

Arrested by a new image, "Oh."

Realizing too late the thought she had planted in her mother's mind, Kate hastily explained, "We had a late night celebrating the New Year up at Gillian's farm and when we got in we put our toes up for a few minutes and fell asleep."

Feeling the shaking beneath her Kate realized she was still lying across Caroline and turning her head found her face highly amused, brows raised well up into her fringe. Kate rolling her eyes and turning resolutely away from this, listened as her mother said in a unconvinced voice, "Well, I didn't mean to intrude, I just wondered if you would all like to come over for a sort of impromptu supper." Going on, "I've made a pot of soup. Nothing fancy, I have a ham for sandwiches and we'll make a salad. If you're coming over, I'll bake a chocolate cake for the boys. They do like chocolate cake don't they?"

"Yes. Yes they like chocolate cake, especially Laurence. I'm just not sure what everyone's plans are for the evening. Can I ask around and call you right back?"

"Of course, I'll understand if you can't make it. I just thought I'd like to get to know Caroline's boys a bit."

Sincerely, "Mum, it is very nice of you to invite us. Let me just see what's happening. I'll get right back to you, OK? OK. Bye now.

Braving another look at Caroline who had left the bed when she found she was being ignored, Kate saw her in the door of the ensuite, brushing her hair, still smirking madly. "What?"

Breaking into a grin, "The look on your face when your mother thought she had caught us at it was priceless." Seeing Kate's embarrassment Caroline attempted a straight face, failed and smirked, "shoe's on the other foot now," before laughing out loud again.

Sitting up on the edge of the bed protesting, "I've never laughed at you like this."

Working to contain herself to a smile now, Caroline knelt beside Kate and kissed her. "Sorry." Then with her chin raised, "No, you didn't laugh out loud but I've seen your face a few times after you've kissed me when my mother's has been in the room." Then, remembering, challengingly, "Oh, not to mention the other night when my whole family were in the room and you started to fuck my hand."

Kate the one struggling to contain a grin now, "That _was_ pretty funny. Talk about priceless looks." She burst out laughing now, remembering. Caroline reached up to silence her with a kiss which ended by Caroline's holding onto Kate's lower lip gently with her teeth as they moved apart to let her know that she was not entirely forgiven yet. Deeming themselves to be about even they smirked at one another for one more minute.

"I gather your mother had a reason for calling," Caroline prompted.

"Oh. Yes, she's making soup and wanted to know if we wanted to come to hers for a casual supper. Said she will bake a chocolate cake if the boys are coming along." Unable to resist touching Caroline when she was this close, Kate had been arranging the blonde fringe just so above the blue eyes she now met. "I think she wants to meet William and Laurence. Do you think they'll mind going with us?"

"Not if there is chocolate cake being offered." Flashing her charming smile for Kate now, "I'll go ask to make sure before I commit for them."

**Soup Supper**

Mrs. McKenzie welcomed her daughter and the Elliots warmly, hurrying them inside out of the biting wind. Leaving Kate and William hanging the coats, she led Caroline and Laurence past the little sitting room where she had entertained Kate and Caroline on Christmas Day, and into the kitchen. She allowed them to help her carry food to the dining room table on the other side of a half wall overlooking the combination dining area and family room which was one step down. Sharing that Alistair had been handy with tools and together they had renovated the house years ago when Kate and Kevin were hardly more than babies.

The meal had been hearty enough for teen-age boys, the homemade soup proclaimed perfect. Caroline teasing Edie that _she_ hadn't rated chocolate cake, since it was offered only if the boys came to supper too, was chided good naturedly in return that a forty something woman with a baby on the way would want to watch what she ate and be sure to keep fit. Kate was pleased that Caroline and her Mum were getting on so well. And the boys were amused to find someone besides their Granny who would hand it right back to their Mum.

Clearing away after the meal, they talked about the new suite and the move yet to be accomplished this week. Outlining the plans they were laying for which pieces of furniture would come from which household and what would need to be purchased to furnish the new home. The women were gratified to find the boys eagerly offering details and explaining plans to Edie. William's break from university would be long enough for him to help them with the move and he assured Mrs. McKenzie that he would personally see that Kate did not have to lift anything. Hearing this Kate looked at Caroline who raised her hands and brows in total innocence but great satisfaction.

Clearing up completed, Mrs. McKenzie brought out playing cards, asking who knew how to play Rummy, her favorite game. The boys had been playing Rummy with their Granny from an early age so they all gathered around the dining table and began dealing out the cards. Laurence, not so good at Scrabble was quite good at card games. Fully expecting to leave the competition in the dust, he was surprised to find that Edie, as she asked the boys to call her, was also good at cards. In fact, there were no lopsided scores in the game but Laurence and Edie always seemed to make the best of any cards which came their way and went head to head for the last few hands to determine the winner.

Much to his chagrin Laurence had come in second. He and Edie had cheekily challenged and teased one another as they had neared the end of the game and a rematch was promised very soon. The boys retired to the telly to catch the sports recaps on the news while Caroline and Edie sorted out the decks of cards. Kate down the hall in the loo, the two women had a moment for quiet conversation. "I'm very glad Caroline that the two of you will soon be living together. I've been worried about Kate in her house alone. Especially since she told me about her scare before Christmas.

"I've been worried too. Did she tell you that the doctor wants her to work only part time now?" Seeing that she hadn't, "I'm working on Kate to decide her schedule, I have a substitute who can begin any time." Seeing the concern this news had engendered, Caroline went on to assure her, "Nothing to be overly concerned about, things we already know really, her age and history mostly. The doctor is only being cautious I think."

Placing a hand over Caroline's "I'm so glad that Kate has you. Thank you."

Covering the elegant hand, so like Kate's, with her own Caroline gave her a shy smile, she said simply, "I'm not doing it for thanks, Edie. I love her."

Edie, fully charmed as most people were when they got to see this side of Caroline, took both of the freckled hands into her own and replied, "I can see that. I can also see why my Kate loves you."

Kate, returning just then caught the look on Caroline's face as Edie released her hands. Catching Caroline's eye with an enquiring look, she received a lift of a hand to say 'tell you later'. Knowing she would get no sensible answer from either of these two just now Kate took her cup of tea and joined the boys before the telly.

Leaving for home, William, proud to be driving his Mum and Kate, handed them one by one into the back seat before taking the wheel. On the drive Caroline told the boys that the moving company teams would be arriving early in the morning to begin packing and tagging the items that were going to the flat. So they would all be up early to begin the next leg of the move.


	22. Chapter 22

**22 New Years Night - Is it Too Soon to Talk about Marriage?**

Preparing for bed they had been discussing the success of the evening. How glad they were that the boys seemed excited about the move, how cutely charming William had been escorting Kate up the front steps through the falling snow. Now, facing one another in bed, Kate asked what Caroline and her mother had been discussing when she came into the room. "Just reassuring her that you're alright."

Raising her brows, "And…"

Guiltily, "I might have told her that the doctor wants you to begin working only part time."

Indignantly, "Caroline!"

Defensively, "How was I to know you hadn't told her? You didn't say." Then reasonably, "You weren't planning to keep it a secret were you?"

"No." Grudgingly, "I guess I'm just used to telling my own news in my own time."

Sincerely, "Sorry. I _am_ sorry. I won't say anything again without checking with you first. It might help though if you keep me up to date when there is something your _not_ saying to her." Turning on the charm, "It is just nice talking to someone who loves you as much as I do. I think she must feel a little the same." Grinning proudly, "She told me she could quite see why you love me."

Doubt, "You're teasing me now."

Eyes wide, "She did. You can ask her." Caroline's hand had been playing over Kate's stomach. "She's active tonight." Smiling into Kate's eyes, "Our little Callie." They were quiet for a few moments. Then, reflectively, "Kate?

"Mmm Hmm?" Delicate fingers tracing the blue veins which ran horizontally beneath the translucent skin on Caroline's chest.

"Kate, it's been quite a week. Hasn't it?"

Looking into Caroline's face she saw her seriousness. Smiling soothingly, "Yes. It has. A week ago this time we hadn't talked yet. Not really. Are you OK? Is there something else?"

"I'm fine. How about you? Anything else for you? Are you worried about anything? Anything about us?"

Shifting on her pillow for a better view, "Caroline. I'm fine. I'm a little worried by the look on your face right now. What is it?"

"Kate." Hesitating, "Kate, is it too soon for us to start talking about marriage?"

Surprised, "Marriage. I didn't know you were thinking of marriage." Searchingly, "You didn't say."

"I know." Shrugging again, "I've been… processing this week. There's been a lot to think about."

Blue eyes plumbing brown for depth, "You know I wouldn't bring it up if it weren't important."

Gently, "Why? Why is it important now?"

"A few reasons. For one, you know I don't do casual. I told you once that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you." With the love light in her eyes, "That hasn't changed, I still do, but it's so much more than that now, Kate." Tears brimming, "I love you so much. Not just for how you make me feel but for you. I want to care for you, protect you. Cherish you."

Overwhelmed, "Caroline. Oh Caroline. I love you too. Dear Heart, I'm sorry we've been apart so long…"

Caroline couldn't help smiling whenever Kate called her that name. Putting a finger over Kate's lips to stop her talking about their estrangement, "Shush. Not tonight. Its in the past. Forgotten."

Laying lips on one another to seal this again, then, "Several reasons?" Kate prompted.

Looking down for a moment slightly embarrassed, "Call me old-fashioned, but I don't like the idea of a child of mine being born to parents who aren't married. She might … one day… wonder if we really wanted her. I don't want her ever to doubt our love for her or," meeting Kate's eyes, "for one another." She saw Kate's nod but knew she was still considering this aspect and continued. "If we're married when she is born, she is ours. No question, no doubt. Legally she is mine as much as yours." Looking a little fierce, "No one can come along later…"

Tenderly, "Oh Caroline, is this what's worrying you?"

"More than a little if I'm honest. I don't want it hanging over our heads that any time he likes he could waltz back in and start something. Put us all through… whatever."

Attempting to reassure, "Caroline, I don't think Greg would do that. I haven't heard from him in all these months. I've been willing to let it lie and he has too. Surely…"

Adamantly, "But we don't _know_ that do we?" Gently, she really had no wish to reopen a wound, "I don't suppose you had him sign…" At the shake of the head and the remorseful look Caroline went on.

"There is another important reason." Caroline raised up on an elbow to look into Kate's face. "I want the right to protect you. We don't know what's going to happen when the time comes for Callie to be born. I don't want anyone to be able to question our devotion to one another, question whether it's my place to decide what is best for you. I may need… legal rights to make sure you get the best care." Caroline sat up and pulled Kate to a sitting position, it seemed too important a subject to discuss lying down. Cross-legged facing her, "Do you trust me to make those kinds of decisions for you Kate?"

Kate swiveled around to face Caroline. Taking Caroline's hands and placing them on either side of her belly, covering them with her own and gazing deep into anxious blue eyes, "Caroline, I trust you to do what you believe is best for both of us. There is no one I would trust as much as you except my Mum. Well, Kevin, but it's hardly likely that he'd be here." Dropping her eyes to where the baby moved within her then back to Caroline, she said slowly, "I don't think my Mum wants the responsibility for us. She was reluctantly willing when you and I were… apart. But I think she's very glad that… you are who you are and has probably, in her mind, already passed that on to you." Fear for her child and herself on the inevitable day of reckoning, fear for Caroline's response in her eyes, "Are you sure you are willing to take all of this on?"

Reversing their hands so that she covered Kate's with her own over the little life within. Caroline's face working for control she tilted her head and said tenderly, "Kate. We are way past _willing_. At some point you and I became so inexplicably intertwined that there is simply no going back from that. I _am_ responsible for you. For your happiness and welfare... in every way." Apology in her face, "and like it or not you're responsible for me." Seeing the question forming, "Yes, I trust you implicitly."

A look of wonder came over Caroline's face as she continued to hold Kate's gaze, "After this week - Sunday morning..." Opening and closing her mouth, not sure what to say about that experience, "Kate, I don't know how we could be more married."

Considering all of this, she held Caroline's hands in her lap now, "But you still want to have a wedding?"

Caroline more than a little hurt took her hands back and used them to lift herself and move away from Kate, preparing herself for the rejection. "

Kate seeing the beautiful face close over with vulnerability and hurt realized the truth of their responsibility for one another. She reached for the cinnamon spotted shoulders to keep her from retreating further. "Caroline, please." Dipping her head to look into the downcast face, "Please listen, I wasn't saying no. I was just asking a question. We're having a discussion. Please look at me."

Slowly the blue lights reappeared, bright with unshed tears. "Caroline you were right, we couldn't be any more married than we are right now. It's everything I ever wanted. More." Watching the color return to the blanched face. "I was just asking if you still wanted a ceremony after everything you just said."

"Why am I always such a mess and you aren't?"

"I'm pretty much of a mess inside just now after seeing your face."

"You don't look it."

Taking back the hands that were wringing themselves in Caroline's lap, "Caroline, I'm hanging on for dear life here."

Surprise showing, "How?"

Rolling her eyes, "Every time I come anywhere near you, Caroline, my life begins spinning out of control.

Exasperatedly smiling, "I agree to play the piano for your mother's wedding and the next thing I know I'm snogging your face off in front of everyone you know." Watching the crinkles form at the corners of recollecting blue eyes, "I have to tell my mother that I am back together with the woman who has had me inside out for months."

Protesting loudly, "I had you-!" until a hand clamps over her mouth.

Incredulous at herself, "I stay overnight with you, in this house, in front of not only your boys but your Mum, and your whole extended family. I spend the most emotional three days of my life, BAR NONE, slogging through our past debacles with you and just as I am beginning to recover from that you have me moving house to one of the poshest flats in Harrogate." Holding up her hand, "Before we even _begin_ to embark on this move, you're asking me to marry you." Extending her hands palms up, Kate rests her case.

Caroline manages a straight face, "So you want to wait until _next_ week to talk about the wedding?"

Kate threw up her hands and looked at the ceiling, "Dear God in heaven!"

Laughing the laugh that Kate loved to hear, Caroline gently pushed her sideways onto the pillows, quickly following. "Sorry, sorry." Struggling for the straight face again and failing midway, "We can wait til week after next if you like."

Kate, warning on her face flips her, pinning arms helpless with laughter beside the blonde hair. "I swear Caroline, if you weren't so…

Daring her, suddenly seductive, "What?" As she watched the incrementally descending mouth track with her movements, Caroline couldn't help the slight smile that played on her waiting face, pleased at the effect she was having.

Kate, moving in on those enticing lips, saw the twinkling blue eyes turning dark with desire as she hovered, watching parted lips demanding figuratively and literally, "kiss me." Refusal was impossible, delay brief. The indigo eyes fixed on her, the lips rising, seeking her, finding her. Home. No thought for anything now but this.


	23. Chapter 23

**23 Thursday - Celia's Boundary**

"Caroline. Caroline!" Her mother's carrying voice pierced the morning quiet.

Caroline wasn't quite ready for an interruption. She'd thought there might be another thirty minutes to an hour to get organized before everyone began descending upon her. "Mum. I'm in my study."

"Oh, here you are. We're back."

Dryly, "So I see." Then, "You've had an early start."

Settling herself on the extra chair, Celia started in, "Well, you can't have a lie in at the farm, can you? Gillian is up before first light, perking coffee and if you can sleep through that, Ted can't. So it's him and Gillian having a chin wag in the kitchen and the sound travels so in that house," she whined. "Anyway, may as well get up and off, so, here we are."

Giving her Mum a forced smile and trying to sound cheerful in spite if the interruption, "So, what are your plans today?"

"I guess we'd better start thinking of pulling up stakes, hadn't we? Now the house is being sold," she complained. "Except we still have Ted today. He doesn't go until tomorrow. And we don't have hill and dale to walk him over here to tire him out, do we?" Sighing, "Don't know what we'll do with him today."

"Oh. I thought he was here three weeks."

"He is. Thank God his dead wife still has relatives in Dorset and he is off there this weekend until his flight leaves from London."

Working to keep back a smile now, "I thought you liked Ted. Seemed as though you were all having a grand time."

"Oh we did," Celia sighed again. "But you know what they say about fish and company. And God knows we're well beyond the three day limit."

Turning back to her computer screen briefly to control her amusement at her mothers' forlorn tone, "Laurence has a rugby match this afternoon, do you think Ted would be interested in going to that?"

"Well, we can only hope," a third sigh. Looking up and catching the expression on Caroline's face, "don't get me wrong we've been pleased to have him here. Very nice of him to come all this way and all that. It's just that he is so… vocal. Always has an opinion and never refrains from offering it."

Choking back the laughter at this description, which so aptly described her mother as well as Ted, Caroline thought she saw where the problem lay. Getting up, Caroline managed to squeak out, "Tea, Mum?" as she walked out of the office, thinking she could regain control once she didn't have her Mum's eyes on her. Coming up the two steps to the kitchen she came face to face with Kate and lost it. Kate, unaware of the joke simply smiled to see Caroline so tickled.

Celia following behind seeing the two, asked in an injured tone "What are you two up to now? What's so funny?"

Caroline having moved on to the kettle, managed, "Please have a seat Mum, would you like some toast?"

Celia, in no mood to be trifled with this morning, "No. I don't want toast. Just tea, thank you," she said curtly.

Dealing out cups of tea, Caroline indicated that Kate should take a stool between her mother and where she stood. "I have about 30 minutes of work to finish before I start telephoning this morning." Standing at the island, teacup in hand, "Mum, I don't know if you and Alan have discussed a revised timetable or not but since we don't need to vacate this house until the last week in January, I wonder, would the two of you like to just rest up here for a week or 10 days? Catch your breath from the wedding before we start packing up your things?" Going on before her Mum could find fault, "Whenever you're ready I can call in the moving company to give us a bid for the packing up and storage and you can tell them when you want them to arrive. After things are in storage, you and Alan can set off for France and have a good time."

Celia, back to sighing now, "Yes, I suppose that'll be fine. I'll talk to Alan about it this afternoon while the sports nut is off with Laurence to the match."

Caroline, once more trying to keep a straight face at her mother's gloomy airs, dared only the barest of glances at Kate before turning back to her study choking out, "Fine, talk to you later."

Kate now having some idea of what had set Caroline off earlier smiled into her teacup as she took a sip.

Already in a mood and spoiling for a fight, this gap in conversation was all the opening Celia needed, "So. You're moving in together, just like that. Six months of not speaking and making each other miserable, one snog and just like that you're taking a flat together and raising a child," she challenged.

Kate flushed, not that Celia would recognize the signs. Looking up she saw what Celia had not noticed. Caroline, hearing the beginning of a tirade had flown back to the door of her study, mouth open ready to deal with her mother. Raising her fingers to hold Caroline off, Kate realized that for the first time in their relationship, she felt secure enough in Caroline's love to establish her own boundaries with Celia. They'd talked woman to woman before they could do it again. Assuming the regal bearing she had inherited from her mother and wearing her gentle serenity like armor Kate looked Celia in the eye until the older woman lowered her gaze.

Kate started quietly but firmly in a voice she used in the classroom to take control of a deteriorating situation, "Celia, I realize that the last couple of weeks have been a strain for you. A wedding can be draining and then the holidays plus having a guest in your home for over a week. I understand you may be tired and I can excuse that but neither Caroline or I deserve what you just said." Seeing that Celia had the grace to look embarrassed, she continued more quietly but still firmly, "Caroline and I did not part lightly nor have we reunited without due consideration. We've spent days talking things through openly and honestly." Meeting Celia's curious scrutiny, "Trust me, it wasn't an easy process for either of us." Looking down the room to find Caroline halfway into the dining room, one arm beneath her breast, fingers of the other pressed to her lips, eyes in awe of the woman who had silenced her mother.

Holding out her hand to draw Caroline in, Kate continued, "We are grown women. We have our eyes open and our feet on the ground, as my Dad used to say." Caroline had arrived, the two women stood hip to hip, arms around one another's waist, Kate's eyes still held Celia's, "I love your daughter Celia. I want to spend the rest of my life making her happy." Turning her head now to Caroline who was gazing up adoringly at her, "I believe she feels the same way toward me." Looking back across the island to Celia, giving her time to speak, meeting her eye, Kate found her simply taking in the sight of the two of them.

Celia had seldom been spoken to in quite this way, so calmly unyielding. Once in a while Caroline could manage it but usually the emotion of their relationship got in the way of that. Regarding them, Celia realized that if the two of them had reached this stage of unity in only a week after being estranged for six months it was looking inevitable that they would remain together. She knew this is what Caroline wanted and she did want her daughter to be happy. She would never wish the years of loneliness she'd experienced onto her. But she'd already told Caroline that. Kate was speaking again.

"So, yes, Celia, we are taking a flat and raising a child together. If you have anything to say about it this would be a good time to get it out into the open. After today it is not up for discussion or comment. It'll be only between me and Caroline."

Kate, feeling Caroline lean into her, looked down to find her upturned face very close, so she bent her head and kissed Caroline deliberately in front of her mother. And for the first time Caroline intentionally in Celia's presence kissed Kate in return. The two women regarded Celia, who still remained speechless in the face of this united front.

After a long moment of considering, she said sincerely, "I hope you'll be very happy. God knows you both deserve to be.

Coming around the island, Caroline embraced her mother, "Mum, _you've_ made me very happy, thank you."

When Caroline released her Celia looking up into Kate's face, "What, no hug from you?"

Smiling her gentle smile, Kate hugged Celia and received a kiss on the cheek and a firm squeeze to her shoulders. "Right, well, I know you two are busy today so I'll be on my way. I'll send Ted over in time for the rugby match. If Alan doesn't go he can take our car anyway. Ta ta." Without looking back she was out the door.

Caroline stood blinking into Kate's face, "Well that was… I've never… Gosh."

Walking hand in hand toward the study, looking admiringly up at Kate again, "_You_ are definitely in charge of my mother from now on." Seeing Kate's mouth open to protest Caroline cut her short, "No. No, it's settled, you handle Celia from now on."

xxx

The move was exhausting, exhilarating and brilliantly masterminded by Caroline. Before 9:00 Thursday an expert removals team had arrived at Kate's house to begin packing the items Kate wished to take to the new flat. In each room the leader tagged the contents and furnishings that would move to The Lion according to Kate's directives. As they moved to the next room designated team members stayed behind to begin the packing and the rest moved on. Soon there were removals teams in the kitchen, the sitting room and others upstairs.

It wasn't long before Kate was very grateful to have William as a back up since she was constantly being called upon to make decisions or reiterate them. At last, having a good handle on what was expected on the lower level he escorted Kate up the stairs to supervise the teams there while he dealt with the downstairs, running up for her advice whenever there was a question he couldn't answer. His mother had assigned William to go to Kate's, with strict instructions to see that Kate did not overdo or get too tired. He was especially charged to see to it that she lifted absolutely nothing.

William had always liked Kate; she had been one of his favorite teachers at school. Given this assignment he would always have done his best to help her. Now that she was making his Mum so happy he had even more reason to want to safeguard Kate. Once or twice she had given him a sharp look when he had come to her with a lame question because he'd mainly wanted to check that she wasn't getting involved with the actual packing. He'd had to get on his toes to come up with better reasons to climb the stairs. For all Kate's gentle kindly ways William knew all too well from school that one crossed her at one's own peril.

Meanwhile, Caroline was supervising a crew in her house to do much the same work. Thanks to the preliminary progress she'd made with Laurence last autumn the two teams finished at much the same time late in the afternoon. Since the plan was for all the beds to be dismantled today so that nothing would hinder the big move tomorrow, rooms had been booked at a local hotel for the night and everyone's overnight case was safely tucked into the boot of Caroline's Jeep. After ascertaining by phone that work was completed for the day at both locations, Kate and Will met Caroline with Laurence, who had just arrived back from his rugby match, at the hotel. After checking in, the four arranged to change and meet in the lobby in time to make their early dinner reservation at Kate's favorite restaurant. Celia, Alan, Ted and Edie were all scheduled to dine with them tonight.

On the way to the restaurant, it suddenly occurred to Kate that this was the first time their mothers would meet. A little stunned at themselves for not realizing this sooner they decided that, on the whole, maybe this was best. The mothers would meet on neutral ground, the boys already knew and liked Edie, and Alan and his brother Ted were able conversationalists who would keep the mood light and move the conversation on should it lag.

So, Edie was introduced to Celia, Alan and Ted in the small entry area of the restaurant just as Mr. Balboa came forward to greet them and was in turn introduced to Caroline's boys and the Buttershaws before seating the family at a large round table which easily accommodated the eight of them. To Caroline's evident amusement, Ted had managed a seat between Kate and her mother leaving Celia on the other side of Edie. This arrangement had a subduing effect on the usually garrulous Celia or perhaps she was simply tired. She couldn't help the underlying feeling that she was being coerced but in any case she chatted politely with Kate's mother whenever Ted did not have Edie monopolized or with Alan and the boys otherwise.

There was plenty of conversation at the table as progress on the big move was discussed and Laurence was full of his feats on the rugby pitch that afternoon. Caroline and Kate, weary from their busy day but happy at the noisy family scene smiled at one another. Caroline covered the hand Kate rested on the table, smiling her pleasure across into her mother's eyes. It took a moment but Celia managed to return a genuine smile of her own. Alan observing this exchange said nothing but smiled warmly across the table to them as well, putting his arm on the back of his wife's chair.


	24. Chapter 24

**24 Friday - The Big Move**

They'd retired early last night at the hotel in preparation for an early morning on Friday. The days were short at this time of year and each load to be delivered to The Lion would need to wait for the freight elevator to make the round trip before another load could go up. In view of this the removals team had arranged for a series of smaller trucks to arrive at each house in a staggered schedule so that there would be no bottleneck of goods waiting to go up to the new flat or gaps when the freight elevator would be idle. Today the only goods moving were the items designated for The Lion. Next week the remainder would be taken to the storage depot until it was wanted.

The first empty truck of the day arrived at Kate's. Will was given charge of seeing that the correct items moved to The Lion from there. Kate and Laurence were to open the new flat and direct the incoming deliveries, while Caroline supervised proceedings at Conway Drive. Kate had been delegated to the new flat because it would be the warmest of the three locations since all doors opening to the outside would be downstairs and not leading directly into the flat.

Caroline had seen to it that there was a truck packed yesterday from Kate's house with a load, which could be delivered first thing this morning. It contained, among other things, the comfortable furnishings from Kate's sitting room so that there would be a place for her to relax in between directing the movers. In the meantime Kate and Laurence perched on the wide windowsill and alternatively surveyed the view and the bare structure of their new home.

Laurence had been given the same instructions from Caroline that Will had received the day before, to save Kate all that he could and to keep her from lifting anything. He wasn't sure just what that meant or what exactly she expected him to do should Kate decide to do something she shouldn't.

He had not spent much time with Kate up until now. They had been part of the same general family groupings but other than the night his Mum had told him and Will that she and Kate were planning to be together from now on, they had had little conversation expressly between them.

Laurence wasn't sure he liked McKenzie. Sure, he called her Kate to please his Mum but in his mind he still called her McKenzie. He'd never been in one of her classes, knew her only by rep at school, many liked her, some didn't. She was OK, he guessed. Only sometimes he caught her looking at him in a way that made him uncomfortable, like she knew something about him that he didn't know himself. She wanted watching that one. At the moment he liked her Mum, Edie, more than he liked McKenzie. At least she came out with it and you knew where you stood with her.

It was all very well for Will to like McKenzie so much. He was going off to Oxford again soon and would be well out of it all. It was going to be him, Laurence, stuck here in a flat with McKenzie and his Mum, all on his own. Oh yeah, and a baby before long. What did he know about babies? Nothing. He only knew that the guys at school with little brothers and sisters didn't seem to like them very much. It all had the potential to get very weird very fast and he was in it alone once Will left for university.

Today, McKenzie explained the removal company system of numbering to get things into the correct rooms since he had been away at rugby the day before. Then, she did it again. She was giving him that strange look.

Deciding that he wasn't going to be intimidated by that anymore, "What?"

She continued to look at him for a moment. Then confused, "What do you mean?"

"I dunno, you look at me sometimes and I don't know what you are thinking."

She smiled then, "I'm thinking pretty much the same thing about you. You don't say much, I wonder what you _really_ think about all of this." Lifting her hands, "All of us moving here together. The baby. Everything."

Shrugging, looking down at his feet as he swung them back and forth one at a time, "Doesn't matter what I think."

Watching his face until he looked up at her, "It does matter what you think, Laurence. You may not have been given an out and out choice but you did agree. The night we all talked about this. The night you asked me the hard questions about making your Mum happy." She watched him think this over. When he didn't respond, "It _does_ matter what you think. You can help us to make this a happy home or you can try to bring unhappiness to it." Hearing the voices of the moving men in the foyer, Kate rose, still looking at him, "I hope you will choose happiness. I am." Turning, she crossed the room calling out good mornings to the movers as the first load of boxes cleared the door.

Still seated on the sill, Laurence watched her walk away. Maybe she was more like her mother than he had thought.

By mid-morning the stream of movers had not slowed, nor had there been a pause. The lift had been working non-stop and the empty flat was steadily filling. Everywhere stood stacks of boxes. Dismantled beds leaned crazily against bedroom walls and other oddments that were too difficult to box had been rolled into mover's blankets which had been unrolled upon arrival leaving things in odd places.

Kate had directed placement of the living room furniture upon arrival and other large pieces in the various rooms with the hope that they would not need moving again. Kate and Laurence mainly worked at staying out of the way of the ant-like stream of workers moving in and out of the flat, offering directives for various pieces that filed by. Once the stools from the island at Conway Drive began appearing, seats at the breakfast bar provided the perfect vantage point for Kate to continue to oversee the progression of belongings coming in.

At mid-morning Edie arrived with a thermos of tea, one of coffee and a luscious looking coffee cake. This she set out on the breakfast bar pulling disposable tableware from another bag. "I thought you might be needing a fresh cup of tea by now."

"Mum, you didn't need to do this."

Smiling as she kissed her daughter on the cheek, "I know, but I like to, my little contribution to the move. Besides, I wanted to see for myself that you weren't overtiring yourself."

"Well, I am grateful but you've already invited us to dinner tonight. You'll be overtiring yourself next."

"I'm fine. Better than fine." Giving Kate a meaningful look, "I'm very glad that you have Caroline to look after you now. I can relax, I know you're in good hands."

Kate, growing weary of everyone treating her as if she were an invalid said, a little testily for her, "Mum. I don't know why everyone thinks I need looking after. I'm a grown woman I can take care of myself. I'm fine."

Edie, had turned away during this, calling, "Laurence. Would you like some coffee cake?"

Turning back she patted Kate's hand, saying only "Right."

"Wait. How did you know Laurence was here?" Edie, busily cutting into the cake did not respond immediately. "Mum?"

"When I spoke to Caroline this morning she told me that you and Laurence were here at the new flat."

Suspiciously, "Why were you speaking to Caroline?"

Becoming exasperated "I just wanted to know how you were doing today."

Fully irritated now, "So you call Caroline? Instead of me, your daughter?"

Pausing from serving cake to Laurence, to give Kate a very direct look, "I wanted an unbiased opinion."

Laurence had appeared promptly at the prospect of coffee cake. Now at the tone between these two he was torn between giving this conversation a miss and the offering of cake.

"And you think Caroline is unbiased?" Then, "Is this what I have to look forward to from the two of you?"

Pouring tea now Edie replied calmly, "Apparently, if your going to get yourself pregnant at age 42 with a health history like yours."

Laurence snorted at Kate being told off by her Mum and risked a glance to see her face, which was open mouthed at the moment.

Regaining her voice, "Mum!" and tilted her head in Laurence's direction.

Edie exchanging an amused look with Laurence, "He's old enough to know the facts of life now."

Realizing that the better part of valor in this situation was to let the matter drop, Kate sat sipping her tea and listening to the conversation between her Mum and Laurence concerning the night's menu and the possibility of a rummy rematch. Grumpily she observed that Laurence never talked with her like that and acknowledged that she was a touch jealous of both of them just now, which did nothing to improve her mood.

After Edie left, Kate got up to clear the counter. Tired of sitting all morning watching others work, she began to open boxes around the kitchen peering into them and then at the empty cupboards deciding what should go where. Laurence returning from a conversation with one of the movers, a university student who played rugby for York, had found Kate busily filling cabinets from boxes on the floor.

"Um, I don't think that's a good idea."

Her mood still not improved, Kate went on with her task, saying coolly "No?"

"Mum specifically said-"

Turning on him now, eyes flashing, "Well, your Mum isn't here now is she?"

Holding his hands out in front of him and taking a step back, "Whoa, you're the one who said you wanted a happy home. All I'm saying is, if Mum comes in and sees you doing this, that is not what you're likely to have."

A ghost of a smile crossed Kate's face at the truth of this statement. Relenting a bit, "I can't just sit around all day doing nothing." Looking at him appealingly, "Perhaps you could find another box to put under this one to make it more accessible?"

Looking doubtful, Laurence complied reckoning that he wasn't likely to be able to stop her.

"Thanks." Meeting his eye, "would you like to help me?"

Considering for a moment, Laurence shrugged, "Why not?" He knew if he wanted to stay on his Mum's good side he had better at least try to keep Kate from as much as he could. Of course, he was probably already stuffed that she was doing even this much. What the hell, she was right, it was better than wandering around trying to stay out of the way. He'd never been much for idleness.

When Caroline came in quietly through the open door of the flat she found Laurence pulling pots and pans out of the dishwasher and handing them to Kate, seated on the floor industriously arranging them into the lower cupboard drawer. Leaning over the breakfast bar she said softly, too softly, "What's all this?"

Laurence froze, he knew that voice, it was a set up, the calm before the storm. They were both in for it now. Straightening, he forced cheeriness into his voice to cover his nervousness, "Mum, there you are. Um, we were just putting a few things away. Here in the kitchen." Seeing her face, he began again, reasonably, "We couldn't just sit here all day doing nothing could we?" Following his Mum's gaze to Kate seated on the floor, he saw that she looked a little scared too and embarrassed at being caught sitting on the floor. Seeing that she was moving to her knees and preparing to stand he hurried to assist her to her feet.

Both standing now, uncannily alike, nervously running the palms of their hands up and down the sides of their legs. Caroline was secretly charmed by the pair of them but maintained her serious inquiring demeanor. She couldn't have them thinking they could disregard her with impunity. Standing on one leg, a hand on that hip and the other on the breakfast bar, brows raised, she waited.

Desperate to fill the silence, Laurence stepped forward and went on, "I did what you asked Mum, I didn't let her lift anything heavy. She just did the light stuff, I moved the boxes and unpacked all the dishes and pots and pans."

The sight of Laurence standing slightly between her and Kate, defending them both but mainly Kate, had Caroline choked up and she didn't trust herself to speak just yet. Looking from one to the other she was finally able to manage a normal voice, "Laurence, why don't you get washed up. Pizza will be delivered shortly."

Only too glad to escape he was gone in a flash. Regarding Kate, still standing in the middle of the kitchen, hands on her thighs, Caroline pointed to the stool beside her, giving Kate a look that said they weren't finished with this conversation yet.

Seating herself on the stool, "Caroline, did you hear him defending me?"

Chin in the air, "So, using my son against me now, are you?"

Quickly rejoining, "No more than you using my Mother against _me_."

A tie. Neither could keep up the pretense of annoyance for long when they sat this close and it wasn't long before their underlying happiness rose to the surface. The endless trail of movers, having become so ubiquitous this morning that they were completely unmindful of the parade as they drew together for the kiss which was inevitable since they had been apart for over four hours now.

Laurence returning just then, hopeful that the pizza had arrived saw the looks these two were receiving from the movers and came to stand just behind them to shield them from curious eyes, "Um, you do realize that we are not here by ourselves today, don't you?"

Amused, "Caroline looked up at her son, "Are we embarrassing you Laurence?"

"Not really, I'm getting used to it. But I didn't like the look on that one guy's face so if you don't want me to change it for him you might want to find somewhere more private for now."

Will came in just then, announcing, "That's everything loaded from Kate's house." Seeing the three of them gathered so close, he wondered, "What's happening?"

Caroline, standing and turning Laurence by the shoulders toward the kitchen entrance, "Nothing. Laurence is just going to show me where everything is so I won't be lost in my own kitchen,"

"YOUR, own kitchen!" burst forth from Kate.

Blue eyes twinkling, "Well, alright, if you want to do all of the cooking."

Brown eyes twinkling back with still a trace of indignation, "Yeah, how likely is that?"

xxx

"You're getting very cheeky in late stages of pregnancy, you know."

"Hrumph. If I weren't being bossed around at every turn, I might not be so 'cheeky'."

They were staying the night in the flat for the first time. The movers had assembled the beds before they left, Caroline had unpacked the linens and they had all spent Friday afternoon putting their own bedroom to rights and stocking the bathrooms with toiletries. Once their bed had been made, Caroline lost no time insisting that Kate lie down and rest for a while. Even though she had protested strongly, it hadn't taken long for her to drop off to sleep as Caroline quietly went about creating order in the room. Finally, bedrooms more or less completed they had set off to Edie's for the promised supper. She had instructed them not to worry about changing but to come just as they were, it was only a family tea and they would all be tired.

Caroline had been the first to yawn that night while they were still at Edie's. Apologizing for making an early night of it they had returned to the flat knowing that there was still plenty to accomplish in the next two days before term began.

Caroline, already in bed watched Kate, seated at her dressing table, brushing out her hair. Her impatience to have Kate join her prompting this last exchange. Eyeing the seated figure in a light blue wrapper pulled tight over an increasingly ample belly, the fabric so clingy that it did little to conceal any of Kate's lovely curves, Caroline tried a new tack, "Kate. You're very beautiful."

Smiling her appreciation to Caroline's reflection in her mirror, Kate also gauges approximately how long before Caroline comes out of the bed for her.

"Come to bed My Brown Eyed Girl."

Meeting blue eyes in the mirror, "You've never said that before."

Throwing back the covers invitingly, "Come to bed and I'll tell you about it."

Wrapper to the bench, "Oh, Kate." Full, luscious breasts, light and shadow playing there, nipples puckered, she isn't the only one excited then, finally, Kate snuggling close.

"Tell me."

Looking bashful, "Ever since I found out that you had a pet name for me it felt wrong that I didn't have one for you. The thing is, in my family we just didn't use them. Your name was your name. It never occurred to me to call you anything but Kate." With a shining smile, "And really that evokes so much for me. Your name. Kate. It's your essence, conjures _you_ in my heart. Then, when you are touching me, to say your name… that's… its… its everything I feel for you."

Brown eyes admitting, "I hear it in your voice. I love it when you say my name as we're making love. It thrills me. It… drives me." Eyes on lips they are drawn together, breathing faster, this kiss is tenderly stirring, velvet, promising.

Brown eyes move to blue, the words coming out breathily, "You were saying…"

Blue eyes still caressing perfectly curved lips, "Hmmm?" Belatedly, "Oh. Right." Smiling again, "My Brown Eyed Girl." Resuming, "It didn't seem right that you had another name for me and I didn't for you. But I didn't want to just make up something. I wanted it to have significance. Evoke _you_ the way your name does for me. Then on the way here, this afternoon, Van Morrison came on the radio, and I realized that is what you are to me. My Brown Eyed Girl." Unable to keep the shy smile from her face, "My heart's always 'a thumpin' for you."

Going on, "It was your eyes that stayed with me when we were apart. Your eyes I missed. Once you wouldn't look at me anymore it came to me that the thing about you was that you always _saw_ me. Even before I knew you saw me, you were seeing me, I think. Out of all the people I would meet in the course of a day it was you who _saw_ _me_. And once we started…, well, then I think you saw right through me, didn't you? Just the way you do now. And being seen, that is what I missed when we were apart. Your eyes on me, your eyes meeting mine. My Brown Eyed Girl. So, is that… too sappy? Too contrived?"

Laying lips on hers, "It's beautiful, Dear Heart. I'll always remember what you just said."

With a hand in the middle of Kate's back Caroline holds her tighter. "It is still so raw, our being apart. It tears me up to think that we could have missed _this_. Being here together in our own home. God, Kate."

"Shhhh. Don't think of that now." Kate laid sweet lips on Caroline's, after a long moment Caroline's ardor returns and she raises on an elbow to kiss Kate searchingly. After a time, "I thought you were tired."

Pausing only long enough to murmur, "I'm not that tired." Then, "K-aa-te."


	25. Chapter 25

_**25 The Weekend**_

**Saturday - All Ours**

On Saturday the boys first set up Kate's sound system to provide music for their labors, then moved on to sorting out connections between the telly, Xbox and DVD player linking all to the sound system, endlessly discussing the merits of various locations for the myriad speakers in this spacious room. Kate weighed in on this from time to time with suggestions that proved to be apt, winning grudging admiration from Laurence once again.

They spent the rest of the day industriously sorting through the remaining boxes, finding homes for things, moving the items left in unlikely places by the movers to proper locations, and generally turning the flat into a functional home. The boys carted away stacks of boxes and rubbish to the room at the foot of the freight elevator where Mr. Jenkins, the custodian had designated a place for them and came back for more.

Kate was put in charge of cooking, mainly because the kitchen was largely organized already and Caroline hoped that this activity would satisfy her need to be useful while keeping her from undue strain. William was sent to the market with a detailed list while Laurence manhandled boxes of books, feeding them to his Mum, on the floor filling the low shelves beneath the long bank of windows.

Kate, in the kitchen, elbows on the counter during part of this procedure marveling at how a woman of Caroline's stature could manage to look so elegant and graceful on the floor filling bookshelves. Listening to the two of them bantering about the proper sorting method, Laurence, always the devil's advocate, arguing for arrangement by color and Caroline insisting upon author's last name. Tears filled Kate's eyes. It was such a short time ago that she had been so lonely and desolate without Caroline. Now here they all were, making a home together, the house filled with music, laughter and banter; working, cooking and eating together. It was strange how life could take a sharp turn like this sometimes.

Looking up to see how Kate was faring in the kitchen, Caroline was stricken to see her wiping a tear away. Springing to her feet she asked Laurence to carry all the empty book boxes to the foyer then take them downstairs to dispose of them. Assisting him with getting the empties as far as the foyer, she thanked him and went inside, closing the door behind her.

Kate had meantime gone back to busying herself in the kitchen but Caroline took her by the hand and steered her to the couch, "Is everything alright? Are you OK?"

Leaning back Kate gave her the loving smile that always caused her heart to skip a beat, "I'm fine, Caroline."

Gently insistent, chin up challenging, "I saw you wiping your eyes. "What was that?"

Pulling Caroline into her, under an arm, "Happiness Caroline, pure happiness." Seeing the doubt in searching blue eyes, "I was just thinking how glad I am that I worked up the courage to come back and ask you to dance."

"Oh Kate. So am I. And I'm glad I found the courage to say yes to you." Misting over, "I don't even want to think where we would be today if either of us had gotten that wrong."

"Less than two weeks ago I was alone and miserable. Now look at us. Caroline, I don't know how I could be happier." Then twisting at a sharp movement within, "Maybe to have her delivered safely, that is the only other thing that could add to my happiness." Sorrow in her face, "Well, and to have Dad restored to us."

Caroline nodded, knowing that this grief was never far from Kate's mind but there was nothing to be done about it. She simply held Kate a little tighter.

Content for the moment to take a break and enjoy the quiet while it lasted, the two women remained on the couch wrapped up in one another and cherishing the happiness that had taken over their lives.

Laurence, having disposed of the boxes and trash that had accumulated in the foyer, knew that he had been intentionally dismissed. Something was going on between them. Well, there was always _something_ going on between them wasn't there? It was exhausting trying to keep up with it all. Sometimes it was nice to take a break from them, so he took a seat on the edge of the small loading dock. It wasn't warm out but he was protected from the wind and the sun felt good on his face.

It had been very busy suddenly after the quiet of his Mum and him rattling around the old house. Gran and Alan's wedding, the full house over Christmas, the Rugby trip, the news about his Mum and Kate and the baby, then this move. It was all becoming a blur. Seeing the Jeep pull into the parking garage, Laurence jumped down and went to help Will. Pulling up one of the various sorts of trolleys available for use of the residents who had too many packages and shopping to comfortably carry in their arms he greeted Will, "You're finally back, Beano boy."

"What're you doing out here?"

Stacking carrier bags into the tiered baskets, "Tossed out."

"Why?" Concerned, "You been causing trouble?"

Nettled, "Why does everyone assume I'm causing trouble? It's them. They're having some private pow-wow."

"What's up?"

"How should I know? They're always having 'em aren't they? Every time you turn a corner, there they are kissing and whispering."

"They've just gotten back together. They are still working things out. It'll get better."

"You think you know everything because you have a girlfriend now." Kicking at the loose wheel of the trolley, "Its me left here with them on my own soon. You'll be off to university next week and well out of it."

Will, seeing the truth in this was suddenly sympathetic. "You can always call me. You know, get it off your chest, maybe you'll feel better."

Receiving no response, Will took no notice. He was used to being treated dismissively by his younger brother. He also knew he'd be receiving texts and calls because Laurence had trouble keeping things to himself.

**Sunday**

On Sunday, they had boxes unpacked, laundry finished and put away and the kitchen in order by mid-afternoon. Caroline offered to treat the boys to the cinema as a token thank you for all that they had done to make the move a success. Happy to take her up on this, they bickered for a bit about which film to see, then took themselves off in a rush leaving behind a very quiet flat.

Drawing Kate down on the couch with her, Caroline let out a deep breath in a way that amused Kate because she only did it when she was very nervous, very stressed, very tired or all three. Today she knew it was fatigue.

Pushing her back against the armrest Kate moved in positioning herself so that she could see Caroline's face. Shaking her head and stroking strands of hair away from the face that was 'full on freckles' today, Kate answered Caroline's standard 'What?'. "Well, you've totally exhausted yourself but you've done it."

Unable to contain the smug smile that found its way to her face, she rubbed a thumb gently back and forth over the little point on Kate's upper lip that always drove her wild, "You thought I couldn't?"

"Never doubted you. Not even for a moment." Doling out a quick kiss, "You were brilliant. I've never been bad at moving house," looking at Caroline pointedly, "when I was allowed to participate, but this was executed with military precision." Thinking back, "I've never actually seen movers this organized. That number and letter system for getting everything to the right roo…" Rearing back to get a better look at Caroline's face, now going pink, "The movers didn't have that system before Thursday, did they?"

"Weelll, no, but they did do a good job with it once I explained it to them."

Kate burst out laughing and after a moment Caroline laughed too. Not that she saw the joke really but she did like to laugh with Kate. It was so good to see Kate relaxed and happy rather than cold and… Nope. Not going there today. Enjoy the moment. "Kate." Once she had dived deep into the warm brown eyes, Caroline said in a voice full of awe, "We're in our own home. Ours. You and me." Tears welling, "It's all _ours_ Kate."

Kate kissed her again, a kiss so soft that she could feel the tremble in the lips of this amazing woman who could organize the moving of two entire households in three days and who was still so sensitive that she could be crying in an instant. As she bent to kiss her again, Caroline's lips reached up for her and this kiss was unbearably poignant, somehow filled with all the joy, angst, excitement, sorrow, confusion, pain, and elation of the last year until both women were in tears and all they could do was hold one another close.

When she could speak, "Kate, I'm afraid for how happy we are at this moment." Looking into loving eyes. "If I were any happier I would simply vaporize and if this is the happiest point in our lives then everything else will be less and I can't bear to think that of the rest of our lives."

Kissing each blue eye in turn, giving herself space to think, Kate finally said gently, "No one said there could only be one pinnacle of happiness in each life." Continuing slowly, "If we're mindful every day of all that we have, and grateful and we live that way, sharing our joy with others then maybe we can live on a high plane of happiness most of the time. Maybe not the pinnacle every day but somewhere close and every once in a while if we are _very_ lucky we can get back to the pinnacle.

Caroline considered this, nodded and pulled Kate in tight again, unwilling to surrender this moment so close to the tip top of happiness.

**Sunday Night**

Caroline expelled another long breath and Kate said, "we can turn the light out if you're tired."

"We did have a nap a this afternoon, I'm not that tired."

"What are you thinking about then?"

"Just tomorrow."

"What is so bad about tomorrow?"

Glancing over quickly, "not bad really… just…" How did she do that? It was a little alarming how well Kate could read her.

Kate rolled onto an elbow and turned Caroline's face toward her with her fingers. "What?"

Giving a little shrug, "I promised you once that I wouldn't be a coward again. It's just that I'm not feeling very brave about tomorrow."

Regarding her for a moment, Kate thought again about the complexity of this woman who she knew would fight like a tigress for her or the boys and yet was so afraid of public opinion. She began slowly, softly, "Caroline, I don't know what you think is going to happen tomorrow but I don't believe it is going to be nearly as bad as you imagine." Seeing no lessening of tension, she went on. "It will be a lot like the day we took Laurence to catch the rugby bus. People will be more surprised that we are _back_ together than that we _are_ together. Do you see what I mean?"

"So, you're saying that they really did all know about us before?"

Trying not to laugh, Kate allowed herself a gentle smile, "I told you they did. Felicity did, Gavin and Tom as much as told you so the other day."

"None of them said anything to me before."

"Well, they wouldn't be very likely to, would they?"

Concerned now, "I'm not that much of an ogre, am I?"

Laughing now, "No Caroline. It's just that people don't go around tweaking the boss about her or his sexual orientation, now do they?"

Smiling for a minute, Caroline sobered, "So, what did they say to you?"

"It wasn't so much what was said as the sly looks, the overheard comment, feeling them all watching me."

Caroline sat up now and turned to Kate, "You really did get the worst of it, didn't you?" Watching Kate's shrug as she rolled onto her back. "On top of all that went on at Conway Drive you had to deal with all of them alone too." Her face working again for control, "Oh Kate, I am so sorry. You've dealt with it all before and now you have it all to deal with again. And I'm worried about me tomorrow. Jesus, I am such a selfish bitch."

"Don't swear." Sitting up now, too, "It doesn't matter."

"How can it _not_ matter?"

Patiently, "Caroline, if your skin is the color of mine, you become aware of all of those things very early in life." Not really wanting to talk about this, "eventually, if you try, you can filter a lot of it out, like white noise, it is always there but you don't hear it so much anymore."

Stricken, "Oh, Kate. I'm so sorry. I never thought that you'd be treated like that."

A little cool now, "Didn't you? Why would you think that I would be the exception?"

Stammering now, "I I… I thought we'd _evolved_… gotten past that now. You're always so calm, so poised…" stopping herself, "I can see by your face that we are not beyond the bigotry yet. Kate I'm sorry that I've been so thoughtless."

The coolness had dissipated but the warmth was not back. "Caroline, if I seem poised to you, it is because my parents taught me to be that way. They trained us, Kevin and I, what to block out and what to stay attuned to for our own safety. We learned it early and we learned it often." Leveling a look at Caroline, "No, it doesn't happen to me as much these days. Mostly I travel in circles where they are too polite to let it show… much." Putting her hands on either side of her belly, "Rest assured that she'll get it good and strong at school. But it will happen from the day she is born and it's going to happen to you now too. So, not to put too fine a point on it, you need to prepare yourself. And the boys." Watching Caroline as she sat there, eyes full of pain for her, horrified at what she'd had to contend with, what their child would need to contend with. But there was nothing Kate could take back, nothing she could soften.

"Kate, I am sorry."

"I know Caroline. It isn't your fault, it just is. It isn't your fault that your parents made you so keenly aware of other people's opinions and mine had to do just the opposite. And we will have to do the same for Callie. Do what my parents did for Kevin and I."

Embarrassed, "Suddenly tomorrow doesn't seem so important."

Smiling her warm smile again and taking Caroline's hand, "It will be important while you are going through it. Smile and engage with the people who are kind, ignore the rest. You have Gavin and Tom on your side already, there'll be others. Beverley.

Weakly, "Beverley?"

Smiling smugly, "How did you think I got in to see you so often?"


	26. Chapter 26

_**26 Back to School**_

A hand on Kate's shoulder for balance as she steps into the heels that bring her almost to eye level with Kate, "So, we're agreed then, you'll go part time beginning next week, Tuesdays and Thursdays. Did you decide yet if you wanted morning classes or afternoons?" Going right on as she verified that her glasses were in her handbag, "Mornings might be better," sliding an arm around Kate's waist and pressing her close to say sweetly, "then you could rest in the afternoon and be ready to welcome me home each evening."

Trying unsuccessfully to slip away, "Caroline, I don't think this is necessary quite so soon. I don't know why you are trying to push me into this."

Moving her head to hold eye contact, "Don't you? How about our little visit to Dr. Kent last Monday? I seem to recall it was _his_ idea." Continuing with evident concern, "Even though your blood pressure was down a touch on Friday, we don't want to take risks do we?" Releasing her at last to complete the finishing touches to her appearance.

"Soon. He said soon. Not now."

Distracted, sagging at the knees to peer into the mirror to put in her earrings, "Hmm. Well, it is soon now. 'Now' would have been then, wouldn't it?"

Exasperated, Kate wailed, "Caroline." Watching the tailored suit out the door, then belatedly following the tap-slapping sound down the passage, "Caroline!"

Turning, "Really Kate, if I'd thought we were going to have to do this all over again this morning, I would have gotten up earlier." Pulling her in for a resounding kiss "There just isn't time, Kate." Turning and moving on toward the kitchen, Caroline spins Laurence on his stool and pushes his shoulder, "Go brush your teeth." Taking his almost empty bowl with her she drops it into the sink before pouring a cup of tea for each of them.

Kate, still following, "Caroline, what am I going to do with myself all day? I'll go stark staring mad." Taking the cup of tea Caroline offers she goes on, "What we really agreed to is Monday, Wednesday and Fridays, then I can keep the choir and my A Level French class."

Taking the teacup from Kate and setting it on the countertop, Caroline pulls her in and dropping her chin delivers her most charming smile, saying softly, "Kate. After all we've gone through to get her, surely your not going to quibble about going part time for the last few weeks of your pregnancy?" Giving Kate another squeeze, "Are you?"

Sulkily, defeated now, "It's hardly just a few weeks."

"No," Caroline agrees, "but it _will_ go by quickly, you'll see. Toast or cereal?"

Resting on a stool, "Toast." Sipping her tea she remembers Caroline's worries of the night before. "Your very perky and confident considering your condition last night."

Buttering the toast, "Yes, well, I had a pep talk from a very wise woman and" raising her eyebrows, looking pointedly at Kate, "I've decided to heed her advice."

Smiling to herself a little smugly, "A wise woman, eh?"

Placing the plate of toast before Kate, Caroline leans across, nose to nose, "Yeess. One who follows her doctor's advice," then kisses the tip of the nose before her.

Sighing wearily, "Alright, alright. I give in."

Arriving at school, Caroline parked the Jeep in its usual space near the steps. Laurence jumped out and headed to the boot to retrieve his rugby kit and backpack. Through the open lift gate he called, "Later, Mater, Bye Kate," before slamming it closed and he was gone.

Giving her a look that Caroline couldn't quite read, Kate asked, "Ready?"

"Are you laughing at me?"

Putting a hand on Caroline's arm, "I wouldn't do that Caroline."

Caroline's reply was cut short by a pounding on her window. Turning, she saw a grinning face beneath a tea cozy of a hat and a green mitten waving vigorously, "Hi-ee. Good morning you two."

Smiling as convincingly as she can and waving to the figure in the window frame, "Pamela Burke. The woman you want to run my choirs."

Caroline muttered, "Great. The town crier," as the tea cozy hat bounds up the steps to the entrance.

Grinning now, "Look on the bright side, at least you won't need to make an announcement in assembly this morning."

Eyes wide, "Dear God! They won't expect _that_ will they?"

Merriment evident, "No, but we had better go in before someone starts a rumor that we're snogging in the car park."

Looking to the ceiling, and uttering what might actually have been a real prayer, "Dear Lord, give me strength for this day." Seeing from the corner of her eye Kate reach for the door handle, "NO. Wait! I'm coming round to get you. This lot looks treacherous."

Caroline had intended to meet with Gavin today and at the regular Thursday Board of Governors meeting apprise them of the change in her personal situation before making an announcement to the faculty if one seemed to be called for. That was all changed now.

Parting from Kate before entering the double doors that lead to her office corridor Caroline met several faculty members and to a person they stopped what they were doing to smile and greet her including Michael Dobson who emerged from the book room with impeccable timing. Pausing by the door of the outer office Caroline looked back to find those who hadn't moved on looking after her then suddenly turning away at her glance.

Entering the office she was met by Beverley wearing an expectant smile even if it was a little tentative. Caroline's usual "Good morning, was cut short by the sight of her PA simply standing there waiting rather than seated at her desk, lifting her head to greet her before continuing with her work as usual. "What?"

Recognizing the tone, Beverley realized her mistake too late. "Good morning Caroline, have a good Christmas?"

Rather than answering, Caroline posed her own question, "I don't suppose Pamela Burke has been in here this morning?"

Looking embarrassed now, "Yes, she has. Sorry Caroline."

Rolling her eyes with a heavy sigh, "I suppose you had better see if you can get Gavin on the phone right away."

By the time Caroline had hung up her coat and begun unpacking her briefcase, Beverley was putting Gavin through to her.

Describing to him the situation this morning with the news of her and Kate running through the school like wildfire, they agreed to a staff meeting before classes began in an effort to control the story, which would undoubtedly reach the students almost immediately and parents momentarily after that.

Directing Beverly to get the word out about the meeting, which would commence in ten minutes, Caroline retreated to her office to plan her message.

Waiting to enter the faculty lounge until the stragglers had made their way in, Caroline closed the door behind her and surveyed the overcrowded room, all eyes upon her. Silence settled quickly.

Glancing at Kate who was not far away, then letting her gaze travel the room, "As you may know, last year Kate McKenzie and I began seeing one another. Over the holiday, we have leased a flat together which we will share with my sons and we will raise Kate's baby when it arrives." OK. She'd gotten the facts out. Continuing to scan the room she saw more than a few faces smiling encouragingly although most were unreadable.

"I understand that word of this news has preceded me this morning." Looking pointedly at Pamela Burke, who sat innocuously grinning at her, Caroline wondered, could the woman really be that simple? "I hope, for the sake of our students and the responsibility entrusted to us by their parents, you will be circumspect in what is said in front of them. Sulgrave Heath has a proud tradition of integrity and excellence. I have never before had reason to question your commitment to our students or the mission of this school and I trust that this will not change today."

Looking less sure now, "The opinions you hold personally and what you say among yourselves is of course your own business. I'm fair game, say what you like about me but I would just like to remind you that my son, Laurence does still attend school here." Finding it necessary to swallow her emotion now to go on, "I would not like to think that my personal decisions would affect him adversely at school. He's still just a boy. I will ask that you be fair to him no matter your personal views."

Seeing that Caroline was winding down, Tom Lincoln stepped out from the place near the door where he had stationed himself. "Caroline, Kate, on behalf of the faculty and staff at Sulgrave, I'd like to say how happy we are for both of you." With that he shook Caroline's hand and moved to where Kate sat and shook hers as well.

Caroline was grateful but did not want this to turn into anything other than a briefing and announced briskly, "Classes begin in ten minutes everyone. Thank you for your time." Turning to where Kate stood next to Tom, "Kate, a moment please." The two of them left the room and Caroline marched them quickly to another corridor, not wishing to become part of a mob scene no matter how well meaning.

Uncharacteristically, what she did not notice was Tom following her and Kate to the door and closing it softly but firmly behind them. Facing the room Tom had a few words of his own to share. Everyone had begun preparing to leave when Caroline departed, some whispering asides to one another. Tom raised a hand and said in his booming rugby coach voice, "Ladies and gents, two minutes more of your time this morning." Giving them a moment to settle again. "Some of you in this room were here before Caroline Elliot took over as the head. We'd had three heads in five years and the place was going from bad to worse. Marcus, Karen, you were here then." Watching them nod he continued, "Yes, we've all worked hard these last years but it was Caroline Elliot's leadership that turned Sulgrave Heath around. Put it financially into the black and filled it with students for us to teach, hired many of you herself, in fact."

Pausing only a moment considering, Tom went on, "Eddie, when you needed a little more in your pay to send your daughter to university who was it found extra work around here for you?"

Eddie stood up, "Caroline did, and I'm still grateful."

"Carrie Magnuson, when your Mum had a stroke and suddenly needed to go into care, who researched local facilities and took a Saturday to drive you around until you found the right place for her?" Answering himself, conscious of time but needing to make his points, "Caroline Elliot." Looking around the room, "I could go on but you all know these things as well as I do. All I ask is that before you go running your tongues at both ends you think a moment about the debt of gratitude we all owe to Caroline."

At the door, Tom turned and raised his head again, "One more thing, I've watched Kate McKenzie being a good friend to all of you over the years. Many of you go to her for advice, she's mentored any number of you through your first tough months of teaching here. Besides being an excellent teacher, she is unfailingly kind to everyone. She deserves your respect as well." Looking a little embarrassed at himself, the coach shrugged and said, "That is enough from me, you all get the point." With that he was out the door and off to the more comfortable environs of the field house. The rest glancing at their watches made haste to get to their classrooms before unsupervised students took them over.

xxx

That evening, resting on the sofa after supper, Laurence in his room tending to homework and William visiting a friend from school, the two women had a chance to compare notes on their day. Caroline questioned Kate, who she knew took the brunt of dealing face to face with her peers, "So, how was it for you today?"

Not wishing to reveal what she had learned just yet, Kate's answer was brief, "Remarkably good. For you?"

Caroline looked bewildered, "I didn't know I had so many teachers, well, and staff too. People were coming up to me all day and wishing me well." She stopped.

"Is that not…?"

Looking at Kate as if the answer might be found in her face, "The thing is, quite a few of them also thanked me for things that happened long ago, years ago." Shaking her head, puzzled, "Why would they do that? So many of them?"

"Because you've helped them? Been kind?" suggested Kate.

Not convinced, "No, there is more to it. Something else happened today." Musing to herself, "It may take time but I'll get to the bottom of it."

Glancing up, she saw Kate trying to suppress a grin, "What? Oh I see. You know something. Give."

"It may have had something to do with Tom Lincoln closing the door behind us and giving a little speech of his own this morning.

Her voice rising an octave in surprise, "Tom? What did he say?"

"Apparently, he reminded them of the way things were before you arrived. Pointed out a time or two you had personally helped some of them and told them to bear this in mind before they began gossiping."

"Well, he didn't?"

Adamant, "He did. I overheard Jenny and Sue discussing it while I was practicing on the organ this afternoon. People don't realize how their voices carry in that chapel."

Grinning at Kate, "Good to know, I will keep that in mind when I'm in there." Realizing now that Kate may have been holding back on her for the dramatic effect of delivering her news, "So, how was it for you today, really?"

"It was fine, lots of congratulations, just like you." Reviewing her day, "Beyond that though they asked about the baby, when was she due, how am I." Perplexed, "No one was asking me these questions before today, why do you think that is?"

Running her fingers over Kate's cheek, she told her tenderly, "Maybe because you didn't look very happy then, unapproachable even. Well," shrugging, "at least when I was around."

"I'm sorry Caroline."

Waving a hand, "In the past." Pulling Kate's hand under her arm and holding it with both of hers, "One more hurdle for me on Thursday with the Board of Governors. It will be stale news by then I imagine but still, it needs doing officially." Letting go one of her enormous sighs, "That will be family and work sorted. At least until we begin hearing from the parents.

Moving away a bit so she could see Caroline's face better, "This has all been an ordeal for you, hasn't it?"

Meeting Kate's eye, "Yes, to an extent." Looking down at the hand she'd sandwiched between her two, then looking up into Kate's face again, "I realized after we talked last night, how sheltered I've been. As you pointed out, we will likely have prejudice to deal with over Callie, or even over you and I, apart from the same gender issue, because of our color, so I might as well get used to it now." Squaring around to face Kate, "I won't be a coward again, Kate, I promise."

Cupping her face and releasing it the way she does, Kate apologized, "Caroline, I'm sorry that you have all of this to deal with on my account."

Indignant, "Kate, it _isn't_ on your account, it is ignorance and hatred that cause the problems, not you. YOU have nothing to apologize for. Whatever happens, we will meet it together, head on, shoulder to shoulder. Alright? Promise that you won't keep things from me? Incidents, things I should know?"

Touched by her sincerity, Kate nodded, "I promise."

"Oh yes, I don't know how I almost forgot to tell you this. During his free period today, Gary Howard came to see me. He talked about a pilot program he'd read about in a school down south. It is comprehensive training for the whole school on tolerance. Race, gender, disability, you name it, anti-bullying, in all its forms."

Drawing up a leg and turning on the sofa to face Kate, "Today was the first day that Gary felt empowered to come to me with this suggestion. I am appalled at myself. One of my best teachers was afraid to come to me with a suggestion that would not only benefit our students but be a cutting edge program for Sulgrave. What does that say about my leadership? Not to mention that I should have thought of it myself."

"Caroline, you are only one person, you already have a lot on. Besides there is a program in place."

"Yes, a very anemic one. No Kate, no excuses. As soon as he said it I knew it was necessary. I realized that I've listened for years to Laurence call William a poof in my own home and said nothing. Why, one day last spring he as much as called me a muff munching shirt lifter."

"Caroline. He didn't."

"What he said was that 2.8% of the students as SH would one day grow up to be muff munching shirt lifters, the implication being, like me. He had his figures right but that means we have a responsibility to those students to see that they are protected from bullying as well as the children of color or anyone else who is different. And more than just protection they need to feel safe to be themselves. We need to educate all of the students, _and_ the faculty and staff, on all of the nuances surrounding these issues."

"Are you going to talk to Gavin about this?"

"I've set up a meeting on Wednesday with Gavin and Marcy Abbott who is the Policies Governor. Gary is going to tell us all that he knows and to discuss a presentation to the Board so we can form a task force to look into what is available to begin using right away as curriculum for students and training for faculty or what we might need to formulate on our own. Kate, we are going to do this. I don't care if it does look self-serving. It is simply the right thing to do."

Kate sat quietly, considering Caroline and the idea. "You are fairly magnificent, you know. This morning you were terrified of facing everyone at school with the news about us being together and this evening you are bent on re-educating the whole school system."

Sheepishly, "I hope I'm as brave as I sound. This may be my version of whistling in the dark."

Smiling warmly, "It is a pretty good version."


	27. Chapter 27

**27 Cellophane and Bows – Tuesday**

On Tuesday William caught the afternoon train for Oxford. His dad picked him up in front of The Lion and taxied him to the station. They had all been sorry to have him go. Saying their goodbyes before heading off to school that morning, Caroline once again had trouble keeping a check on her emotions. Wasn't it supposed to get easier after the first time you sent them off?"

Returning to the consultant's office that afternoon for the Tuesday – Friday routine they had established last week to have Kate's blood pressure monitored, Caroline had insisted on coming with her again. Bringing the question of how many hours per week Kate should work to Dr. Kent, he sided with Caroline on the Tuesday – Thursday morning schedule. Then she could stop by the office to have her BP monitored Tuesdays on her way home and that would be a good indicator of how things were going. He took the opportunity to reinforce his warnings of the week before, reminding Kate that there was a good possibility that before the baby was delivered, she could be put on bed rest.

Chastened, Kate agreed, she was not willing to jeopardize the baby but it felt wrong not to be working. She'd been saving against this day since there had been even a chance that she had conceived a child. She'd economized and squirreled away money to tide her through this possibility and to allow her to stay home with the baby until the autumn term began.

That had been when she was on her own. Now that she and Caroline were together and living in this posh flat she felt that she needed to keep up her end of the expenses and it worried her to think of her savings dwindling too quickly. This move had been costly, she was sure. They had not sat down yet to begin setting up their joint household budget and she really did not know where she stood.

Caroline saw the furrow between Kate's brows during the drive home. When they arrived, she pulled out her briefcase and gathered Kate's pile of exercise books which had slithered across the floor of the backseat, wondering once again why she didn't use a carrier bag or something to keep them all together. Meeting Kate at the front of the car on the way to the parking garage entrance of the building, she said gently, "I know this isn't what you want, but we can make it work, can't we? The most important thing is your health and Callie's."

"I know," admitted Kate. "I just…"

Tenderly, Caroline tried to relieve her, "Shall we have a cup of tea and talk about it?

Kate tried to smile and pressed for the lift.

They had changed clothes and Kate was seated in her favorite spot at the breakfast bar knowing the Caroline would take the seat around corner. Placing Kate's tea before her, Caroline prompted simply, "Tell me."

This made a smile play at Kate's mouth, when they were in bed these two words had a whole different meaning. On second thought maybe it was much the same, Caroline was asking her to say what she wanted so that she could give it to her. Maybe she hadn't been thinking about this whole thing quite rightly in light of their new relationship. Caroline waited quietly for Kate to find her voice, her words. Caroline being so patient with her drove a wave of pure love through her. It took her breath away and that brought concern to Caroline's face.

Seeing this Kate put a hand on Caroline's sleeve to reassure her, "I'm fine. I just realized again how much I love you. And that everything affects both of us now."

"Won't you please tell me what's troubling you?"

"Caroline, I've never _not_ worked before. Now, I'm required to go _very_ part time much earlier than I anticipated. I've been saving toward this day but now I don't even know what our expenses are. I need to keep up my end here but I don't know what that is."

"Kate, you don't need to worry about this, I've got you. It doesn't matter. It'll be fine."

Sitting up very straight, that regal arch to her neck, the cold steel edge in her voice, Kate challenged, "So, you are saying to me, Caroline Elliot, that if our roles were reversed and I was telling you not to worry your pretty little head about these matters, that you would be just fine with that?

Caroline opened her mouth to protest when she realized that is approximately what she'd just said. Closing her mouth she sat and blinked for a moment, "Kate, I'm sorry. I never meant to patronize you. Please believe me. Hearing you just now, I realize how terrible it sounded." Seeing by Kate's posture that she hadn't made much progress, she tried again earnestly, "I am sorry. I just want so badly to take away anything that is burdening you so that you don't worry and endanger your health. I really am just very concerned for you at the moment."

Relenting somewhat then, "I'm sorry if I was too sensitive. I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed."

Trying again, "Of course you are. What can we do to reduce your anxiety?"

Giving Caroline a direct look, "It would help if I knew where I stood financially."

Thinking for a moment, "We haven't received much post since we moved. I suppose there's a delay having things forwarded. I haven't unpacked my study yet either. Can you give me Saturday to get that sorted? By then the post should be coming through and Sunday we can sit down and budget things out. Would that be alright?"

Giving her a grateful smile, "Yes. That'll be fine. I'll try not to worry until then."

"Have you decided whether to put your house on the market or try to let it?"

"There isn't really a reason to keep it." Mischievously, "The only sentimental value is that it is the first place we made love together."

Glad that the mood was lightening, "Well, I'd say that's reason enough to wrap it in cellophane and put a bow on it." Leaning over to meet Kate, they kissed sweetly before Caroline suggested, "Why don't you put on some music and stretch out on the sofa where I can see you while I start supper?" Taking the teacups with her, "Otherwise Laurence will be here driving us mad looking for snacks. He's always ravenous after practice."

**The Dinner Party - Saturday**

On Saturday morning, Caroline tackled the stacks of cartons in the new study. By lunch she had filled file drawers, organized the two tall bookshelves with glass doors that had come with her and filled two cartons with paper to be recycled. Kate had helped Caroline for a while, sorted some of her own filing then gone to the market after ingredients for the evening meal.

They had invited Edie, Celia and Alan to dinner. This was the first time they had entertained in the new home they shared and they were both excited. They'd spent evenings this week putting the finishing touches on the decorating. Switching lamps from one place to a more advantageous location, setting out framed photos and other items from both houses and debating over where to hang art. So by the end of the week it looked like a home even though the potential nursery still resembled a box room.

It took them by surprise each time they arrived home into this grand open space. It no longer felt so vast now that it was furnished. Kate had inherited an impressive mahogany dining table from her grandmother McKenzie. It was a piece that she in turn had inherited through her side of the family from the days when people lived in spacious manor homes. The finish was still beautiful and it had leaves and chairs that allowed it to seat 16 comfortably. Even in this generous room they were only using a third of the leaves for everyday use and Kate had never before had space to use more than one. They planned to search the antique markets for a suitable sideboard to fit under the north windows at the first opportunity.

The living area was long and had space for two furniture groupings. Currently, at one end was a large screen telly purchased this week because it suited the size of the room and was a thank you gift to the boys for all their hard work on the move. Before it were the couch from Kate's and chairs from the sitting room of both houses. To the right of center, in front of the windows, was featured the baby grand piano that Kate had saved for years to purchase and had acquired only a year or so before she split with Richard. In the cottage it had sat in the conservatory at the back of the house, filling the entire space. Now at last, it had its rightful pride of place.

The far end across from the dining room near the door was empty now, waiting for them to find time to select pieces for a new furniture grouping to accommodate the adults went the youngsters were playing video games. All in all they were very pleased with the result even though it was not yet completely decorated.

After lunch, the two women prepared as much of the evening meal as they could ahead of time. They were still learning how to navigate around one another in this new workspace that they shared. Actually, they were finding it most pleasurable to work together in the kitchen, taking frequent opportunity for a stolen kiss or a caress. Even the cleanup phase of the work became less onerous as the work was divided and happily they both agreed upon a spotless kitchen.

Caroline had never thought that she could share her kitchen with anyone but it was turning out better than she expected. Although she didn't hold back if she thought something would be more efficient if moved to a new location and Kate would have to defend her decision to put it there in the first place. Sometimes she was successful at this and other times she admitted that now the kitchen was in use the new spot did make more sense.

By mid-afternoon all but the last touches were completed on the meal and the table was set beautifully with one of Kate's tablecloths and grandmother Dawson's china that Caroline had been inspired to use now that there was a table worthy of it.

The women took the opportunity to stretch out to rest before it was time to dress for company. Caroline relaxed into the bed and knew that the relief would be even greater for Kate. Joining her, Kate sighed heavily and when she was ready to roll onto her side Caroline massaged the aching back. "You should have been in here long ago. I don't know what I was thinking to have you working in the kitchen all afternoon after shopping this morning." Smiling, "I am getting to like having you there in the kitchen with me though." Marveling, "Never thought I would say that." Receiving no response, Caroline peeked over Kate's shoulder and found her fast asleep.

Mentally kicking herself for not taking better care of this delicate creature, Caroline resolved to double her efforts to save Kate from all the things she wouldn't give up voluntarily. She thought briefly about returning to the study to continue with the project there but the pleasure of being next to Kate, even a sleeping Kate was too much to resist. Resting her head against Kate she soon drifted off as well.

Celia had found herself slightly off balance as soon as she entered Caroline's new flat. Laurence had opened the door wide for her and Alan and directly in her line of vision had been Kate seated on a stool at the breakfast bar, her mother standing behind her lightly pulling strands of Kate's hair through her fingers as she talked over Kate's head to Caroline. The sight bespoke the closeness between this mother and daughter giving her a pang of jealousy. She couldn't remember the last time she'd had such a moment with Caroline.

Caroline and Kate had both come forward to welcome them into their new home and the moment had passed. She was reintroduced to Edie, Kate's Mum, and struck again not only by her height but her easy composure and stylish appearance. She wasn't that much younger than herself Celia knew but she gave the impression of a much younger woman. Her last conversation with Kate in Caroline's kitchen fresh in her mind, Celia could clearly see where Kate had come by her confidence and poise.

Advancing into the spacious room where the diaphanous draperies had been left open to elicit the inevitable ooohs and ahs over the view of the lights below. Edie, Celia and Alan were suitably impressed. The guests received a tour of the flat with the building's salvaged art deco features pointed out and properly admired. Plans for the nursery were sketched out, the newly organized study/bedroom viewed and the clever innovations of the laundry closet revealed before they sat down to the delicious meal prepared by Kate and Caroline.

During the tour of the flat Celia watched Caroline and Kate as they conducted them through the rooms. It was clear that any reticence they had assumed before her in the past was over now. Whenever the two were within arm's length of one another they were touching. It wasn't overt but fingers would entwine, there would be a hand to a shoulder or Kate would slip an arm under Caroline's to lean against her and if they were separated in the group it was inevitable that their eyes were on each other as they talked about the flat.

There would have been a time when she would not have understood this at all, before Alan had come into her life again. Even in their seventies the sexual attraction between them was stronger than anything she had experienced in her life. They were hardly ever more than an arm's length apart themselves if they could help it. What if they had found one another again in the prime of life? Celia smiled to herself at the fireworks she could imagine if she and Alan shed three decades. Her thoughts turned to what that side of life would be like for Caroline now and immediately switched off such thoughts. Who wanted to think of her daughter as sexually active at any age? Even when pregnancies had provided incontrovertible proof of it in Caroline's marriage to John she had not gone there. The thought of two women… Well, it was difficult enough to deal with what was before her eyes. She was doing the best she could given the circumstances. She saw that Edie too noted the magnetism these two held for one another and wondered what she thought about them.

Edie was wishing fiercely that Alistair were with her tonight. She missed him as the integral part of her life that he had been for the last fifty years. His sense of fun, his wit and laughter had made even difficult days better. They had shared so much over the years and now with these significant changes in Kate's life, she especially missed having him to talk things through with, his perceptive insights and wisdom would have made it all so much easier to deal with.

She was troubled by Kate's pregnancy and the effect it could have on her health. Glad as she was that Caroline seemed so devoted to her daughter and was obviously intelligent and capable it was still a strange situation to her. Kate had told her and Alistair years ago about her attraction to women. She'd even had them over for dinner one night with someone she had been seeing at the time. By then Alistair had been becoming less and less himself. But there had been lucid moments when they'd talked about this and had decided that after all they'd endured together over their mixed race marriage they could do nothing other than be supportive of Kate.

Kate had not introduced anyone else to her until Caroline. She did speak from time to time of having been here or there with someone and it was apparent that it had been a date but she didn't bring them to meet her or to any of the McKenzie family gatherings that she attended. While Edie didn't want Kate to feel that she couldn't bring her friends with her she'd been glad that she hadn't brought a parade of dates to meet the McKenzies. Not that they wouldn't have been polite and kind as they always were. It would simply have been an added stress and most days it was difficult enough to face what life had become for Alistair.

Last spring when Kate had begun mentioning Caroline more and more often Edie realized it had been a long time since Kate had talked about anyone in her life. She had been a little ashamed of herself to think how much she had come to depend on Kate and her support as Alistair slipped further and further away from them and how little thought she had given to her daughter's quality of life and happiness. She paid more attention to Kate after that and had seen a light in her eyes that hadn't been there for a very long time. Then suddenly the light had gone out. Just like that Kate had become subdued and there was no more talk of Caroline so she knew something had gone wrong. They'd had one conversation about it. Kate had told her that Caroline was still working out the details of ending her marriage. Also that Caroline's mother had been much less than happy about her daughter taking up with another woman and the relationship had been crushed by these weights. Now she was face to face with the woman who had gotten in the way of Kate and Caroline before and she wondered how it was going this time around.

The dining room sparkled with reflections from the prisms of the elegant chandelier onto the fine china and crystal. As the meal had been put on the table Laurence regaled them with stories from school and the rugby pitch. Edie was reminded of a rugby story about her son, Kevin, which lead to a story about Kate winning piano competitions when she was at school. Naturally, Celia could not let Kate's mother think that her family was any more distinguished than her own and told stories of honors in science earned by Caroline and the time she received rave reviews in the school musical, then a story that ended slightly to Caroline's disadvantage producing a laugh around the table. This in turn had seemed to give permission for Edie to tell a story at Kate and Kevin's expense. Laurence was lapping it all up and asking for more, though in truth at this point neither mother needed the encouragement.

The two women had been indulgent at first if a bit embarrassed. Caroline had begun to interrupt her Mum when the less than flattering story had begun, knowing where this was leading, but at a touch to her wrist by Kate she subsided against her better judgment. Kate, seeing the glint in her mother's eye had tried to prevent the next story but it was too late, the train was careening down the track now. Turning to look at Caroline she received a look that said she could have predicted this so the two endured as patiently as they could to the end of Edie's story. As Celia opened her mouth to carry on Caroline had had enough. She rose to her feet and pulling out Kate's chair for her said firmly, "Kate will you play for us while _Laurence_ clears the table?"

"Hey, why me?"

Smiling wickedly, brows raised, "He who plays, pays." Caroline continued to smile as she followed the others into the living area, hearing him muttering as they moved off, "they were the ones telling the stories, not me."

Sitting down to the piano, Kate opened with 'The Queen of Sheba' partly to tweek Celia back a little but mostly to evoke the last time they had heard her play. Celia and Alan laughed and explained the joke to Edie. Making themselves comfortable they listened as Kate moved from one piece that she thought they would like to another. Caroline stood behind Kate so she could rest her back against her from time to time. After a bit, having successfully broken the storytelling competition, Caroline led Kate over and seated her next to her Mum before going to make coffee and the talk turned to Celia and Alan's upcoming trip to France.

At the end of the evening, Laurence walked the elders to their cars and Caroline talked Kate into getting ready for bed while she finished putting the kitchen to rights. When Laurence returned he plopped himself onto a stool saying, "We should do this more often, it was great hearing all of those stories about you and Kate."

Sitting down beside him, "Yes, well keep in mind that one day it'll be us telling stories on you to _your_ new mate." Then rubbing between his shoulder blades, she smiled, "It was a good evening wasn't it?" Musing, " The only thing that would have made it better would be having William here too."

"Yeah, he sure missed out tonight."

"Before long, I'll be saying the same about you." Glancing over, "I'm not looking forward to that either."

Glancing at her sharply, "No?"

Stricken, "Oh, Laurence, you haven't gotten the impression that I don't want you here, have you?"

Reassuring her, "No, I didn't mean that," although he had a little. "I just reckoned that you'd be kind of glad when I wasn't around so much and you could live your lives."

Caroline regarded him with her face full of love. Putting an arm around his shoulders and pulling him in until his head rested against hers, "You know, you and William have been my life for a long time. As things stagnated between your Dad and I, the two of you became my reason for living, the joy of my life. Every decision was made with your best interest at heart."

Kissing him on the cheek and turning his stool until he faced her, Caroline looked at him for a moment, trying to find just the right words, "I know things have changed quite quickly these last weeks but one thing that will never change is my love for you and William." Meeting Laurence's eye with the same directness that he had inherited from her, "You and William are still at the heart of every decision I make. You may not have been _the_ reason for every choice I've made recently but your welfare is primary to me. I hope you never have reason to doubt that."

Seeing the negative shake of his head, "You're growing into such a fine young man. I couldn't be prouder of you." The love and pride showing clearly on her face, "I've loved every moment of being a mother. Of being _your_ Mum."

Going on intently, "Family has always been very important to me. Nothing would make me happier than for you and William to feel that you could include Kate and the new baby into our family." Tilting her head and shrugging a bit, "I can't force that on you but it is my fondest desire. For all of us to have a happy home life, loving one another, caring for one another, that's the best I could hope for." Taking his hand, "This is your home. I want you here. Kate wants you here. No matter how old you get, where you go or where I live, my home is your home." Hugging him hard for a moment, Caroline rose saying softly, "Good night Laurence."


	28. Chapter 28

**The Race**

Kate was resting on the sofa facing the door, waiting for Caroline to come home. Hearing a commotion in the foyer, Kate raised herself to a sitting position just in time to see the door flung back as far as it will go and Laurence burst into the room heading straight for her as fast as he can. Two steps behind him is Caroline, pivoting around the doorframe and picking up enough traction once she hits the oriental that she is only one step behind as Laurence taps Kate's shoulder passing on to make an end run circling back arms above his head, "Yes!" Intoning announcer style: "And the winner is…Laurence!"

"By a nose," protests Caroline with her last bit of breath. Dropping to the sofa beside Kate, a panting Caroline is grinning sheepishly at Kate who is still open mouthed in surprise looking from one to another. Then, in a severe teacher voice "Caroline Elliot! Have you been running in the corridor?"

Playing along, "It was him, Miss. He dared me."

Chortling, "Oh, that is so not true! You challenged _me_ when you were three steps ahead!"

Giving Caroline a look that is a cross between astonishment and admiration, "You raced up the stairs? In those shoes?"

Caroline is laughing now, embarrassed but enjoying Kate's expression. Defending herself, "Well, he _did_ dare me. He said he thought I might be getting a bit old to take the stairs." Listening to Laurence snort at this from the kitchen where he is foraging, "I had him on the steps, it was the parquet foyer that slowed me down."

Brows raised, "Not the 4" heels?"

Grinning again, "Well, the combination." Louder now, eyeing Laurence, "One more yard of carpet and we would have tied."

Cheekily, "In your dreams! In your dreams, Ma." Making a face at her he headed down the passage to his room. But he knew how close he had come to losing this race. Mentally promising himself that he would not rise to this bait again and risk the embarrassment of losing to his _mother_. He'd never live that down and heaven knows who they'd tell. Everyone probably.

Mother mode rising to the fore, Caroline called out. "Homework first. You only want to crash in front of the telly after supper."

Standing to disentangle her arm from the strap of her purse and remove her coat, as much so she would not need to face Kate as because she was too warm.

"So where were you when this began?"

A little proud, "Second flight." Heading for a glass of water.

Following, "So, you raced Laurence up three flights of stairs in those shoes?"

"Yep."

"Why would you do that?"

Shrugging, eyes sparkling, "To see if I could?"

"You don't do enough stairs at Sulgrave everyday?"

Gleaming eyes, "_That_ is how I almost won."

"So, why were you on the stairs? Something wrong with the lift?"

Placing arms around Kate and leaning against her side, "Nope. I've been taking the stairs."

"Why?"

"As your mother so elegantly reminded me, I'll need to keep fit if I'm going to raise a baby at my age."

Seeing on Caroline's face that there was more, "And?"

Grinning, "And it was fun." Reaching for her kiss, "Kate, I haven't felt like this in years and it is all down to you." The kiss turned into a series of kisses, fueled with leftover adrenaline and the pure excitement of being alone with Kate again after all these hours away.

Caroline has found that she can get closer to Kate by pressing against her side and curling around breast to breast to bring their lips together. She puts her lips to Kate's ear, "I've missed you all day. I ran the stairs because I couldn't wait to see you." Allowing her lips to trail the golden jaw as Kate's face tilts slowly to meet her lips. The desire for each other that is only ever just beneath the surface rises like a sudden fever as they taste and twist into one another

"Mmmm." Pulling away finally, Kate is now the one out of breath, murmuring, "If you keep this up dinner is going to be very late."

Lips at Kate's ear, "Fine by me."

"Ma-aa!" Through Laurence's open door, "Could you give me a hand with this algebra problem?"

Letting out a long sigh with a soft groan just where it will do the most damage, Caroline's lips tug gently on a lobe as she turns away feeling the hand that had been creeping down her backside drop away. Backing toward the passage, eyes trained on Kate, lingeringly, Caroline slowly draws her blouse suggestively from the waistband of her skirt mouthing the word "Later."

Watching until Caroline disappears into Laurence's room, belatedly realizing that her mouth is open, Kate closes it with a swallow. The effect this woman has on her! Heading into the kitchen to begin meal preparations she plots ways to turn the tables on Caroline during dinner.

**The Papers**

Putting the last few cups into the dishwasher as Caroline gives the countertops a final wipe, Kate mentions overly casual, "Oh, and I think the post has finally caught up with us. Quite a pile arrived today." Giving Caroline an odd look, "There is one very official looking envelope." Seeing the question in Caroline's eyes as she looks up, Kate nods, "It's on your desk."

Folding the dishcloth neatly over the sink, Caroline dries her hands and towing Kate behind, heads for the study. Seating her in the rather large overstuffed armless rocker/recliner that they had purchased because they could both fit into it together if they crowded and they never minded crowding. They had placed it within reach of Caroline at the desk with a swing arm floor lamp beside it so that Kate could be here with Caroline, reading or nursing the baby when the time came.

Standing beside the desk, Caroline pulls out the likely looking item and picks up her letter opener. Seeing Caroline so grave, with the lines in her face turned down, Kate starts to rise, "Are you sure you want me here?"

Appealing eyes, "Please don't go." Glancing through the documents Caroline drops into her desk chair. Raising her eyes to Kate's, "There was a time when I thought I would feel elated when this came through. Now it only feels like failure." Seeing the look this brought to Kate's face she hurried on, "God, no. I don't want him back!"

Moving quickly Caroline pulled Kate out of the chair and seating herself in the vacated space drew Kate onto her lap. Gazing up into the loveliest brown eyes she had ever seen, "You are everything I want, everything I need from now until forever." Needing to connect more deeply with Kate she raised parted lips never releasing Kate's eyes. Tasting Kate. Those three kisses bringing her home, now she could go on. "I feel guilty being so happy, so satisfied, so secure while John is still floundering so badly. If I had only handled it all better starting years ago, maybe he wouldn't be where he is today."

Tipping up the regretful face, "He isn't one of your boys, Caroline. He is a grown man. He's responsible for himself."

Her expression registering the truth of this, Caroline said, "Still, maybe I could have helped him see that for himself if I'd done better."

Cupping the upturned face in her hands, "Dear Heart, you can't save the whole world from themselves." Circling her arms around Caroline, "Maybe this is what he needs to start pulling himself together. Make a new start."

Giving Kate a squeeze and looking lovingly into her face again, "You are so good for me. I don't know how I went so many years without you."

"OK! Algebra complete. Thanks for your help, Mum," as Laurence dropped into the desk chair. Picking up the papers on top of the pile he read the first few lines then looked over at his Mum. "So, that's it then, you and Dad?"

"Yes," said Caroline meekly. Watching him stare at the papers for a moment, "Are you alright?"

Giving her that searching look he was so good at lately, "Are you?"

Kate started to rise again but Caroline held her in place. "I'm sad that it all happened the way that it did. I think there are things I could have handled better but…" meeting Laurence's eyes she continued softly, "we hadn't been making each other happy for a long time, your Dad and I. It was going to happen sooner or later." Watching Laurence take this in, "I wish things were different for your Dad now. That it was all going better for him but I don't have control over that." Giving Kate a little squeeze she slid gently out from beneath her to squat beside Laurence, "I never did really. You do understand that don't you, Laurence?"

At last, "Yeah. Will said pretty much the same thing the other day. They have been talking on the phone you know, Will and Dad."

Surprised, "Have they?"

"Will calls him sometimes. He said Dad is really trying now. To stop drinking so much and trying to keep Judith off the stuff too. He's been lecturing again and even writing a little."

Pushing the hair on the side of his head into rows with her fingernails as she studied his face, "So you're OK with this?"

Shrugging, "It all happened last summer really, didn't it? It has been over for a long time now." Looking up at Kate then back at his Mum with a grin, "And at least you are not boring now." Placing an awkward kiss onto her cheek, "Dr. Who will be on in a minute, later Mater," and smiling at Kate he jumped up to touch the ceiling before passing through the door.

One knee still on the floor, love on her face and a tear in her eye, Caroline had swiveled to watch her boy leave the room before catching Kate's eye, her face working to keep the tears from spilling.


	29. Chapter 29

_These vignettes set the tone for what is to come. It is a little different from the usual update, thanks for indulging me._

**Our New Life**

Being loved by Caroline Elliot is the elixir of her touch. She bestows a pat or a stroke like the blessing that it is to her boys, her mother, now to Kate. Her hand on a shoulder, the quick one-armed squeeze, a playful swat as she sends one of the boys on their way, the back pats that finalize her hugs to them. At home Kate's life is filled with Caroline's touch. Caroline's arms around her middle from behind or linking arms with her as they walk, Caroline drawing her onto her lap for a snuggle and a kiss, fingers lifting the hair from her neck, creeping under her jumper to find warm skin. This Kate has come to expect.

XXX

Caroline has finally come to terms with the fact that the people she works with really _had_ known about her and Kate for quite a while and hadn't been particularly bothered by it. Really they were more curious about them than anything. After her forced announcement the first day of term there had been only token repercussions from a few parents which Gavin had handled efficiently. In a few weeks, people no longer gave the two of them a second glance as they arrived or left together, walked the corridors or grounds of the school, it all became routine and Caroline relaxed into herself again.

XXX

What Kate hadn't expected was the wonder and joy of experiencing Dr. Elliot morph into her Caroline when they were at school. To watch the confident poised Head striding down the corridor quelling rowdiness with a sharp look or by simply calling out the name of a would be offender. See her stop for a question from one of the Deputy Heads then come on to stand beside her as she chatted with a few teachers. Kate could feel Caroline's fingers entwine with hers as they talked. Not covert, simply discrete, simply Caroline. This never failed to send a thrill through her.

XXX

Being loved by Kate McKenzie is the sound of music. Kate's eclectic playlist is the soundtrack of their lives together. Music is the barometer of her mood, the path to her heart, portal to her soul. Caroline had always liked music, the radio played in her car, the boys tunes pound through the house. Once in awhile she even went to the trouble of putting on music for some special occasion. But usually there were so many things buzzing in her head that she hadn't even thought about music. It would have been just one more item on her to do list.

Now, effortlessly for her, there's music in her life. The music of Kate. She never knew what they would hear next. Much of what she heard she couldn't have named, even when it was familiar, something she liked, something she ought to have known. When she first began to ask the title of the music they were listening to, Kate would look at her sharply to see if she was having her on. Finally, she'd come to realize that, unfathomable as it was to her, Caroline really did not know. So, in her kind, gentle way, Kate's made Caroline her music student, telling her not only the name of the piece and the composer but the artists and other details as well. Caroline absorbs this, asks questions, remembers what she's told, uses it to enhance her experience of the music and of Kate.

XXX

Being loved by Caroline Elliot is the elegance of always having fresh flowers in the home. The arrangements and bouquets Caroline insists are not an extravagance but essential to gracious living.

XXX

Being loved by Kate McKenzie is the tactile way her fingers find a lock of hair, caress your cheek, or arrange your scarf whenever she is near you.

XXX

Being loved by Caroline Elliot is an avocado sandwich on your tea tray because she knows you crave it.

XXX

Being loved by Kate McKenzie is returning to your office from a meeting that ran long to find a firm, crisp apple on your desk. The variety you prefer, still a little cold from the fridge because Kate missed you in the lunchroom today and knows you've skipped the meal to keep on keeping on, so you can get home on time this afternoon.

XXX

Being loved by Caroline Elliot is receiving her constant attentions. The texts using innocuous words and phrases that pull at your core because of the special meaning they have for the two of you. The flowers on your classroom desk, the granola bar you find slipped into your purse for a snack, the bottle of water 'for later' that she hands you at lunch.

Her loving gaze as you move through the rooms of the home you share. Anticipating your needs, her jump to fetch the remote, her 'here let me' as she takes from your hands anything you are carrying no matter how much she's already holding just because you are pregnant. Its the attentiveness of her hand at your elbow, the door held open, the chair pulled out, her encompassing blue eyed devotion.

XXX

Being loved by Kate McKenzie is having her brown eyes on you, seeing you, registering your mood, your state of being. Even when you are unaware of it she is sensing, discerning, perceiving. And you may only know it when she is meeting needs you didn't know you had. Putting her agile fingers on your shoulders and easing away the knots. Extinguishing the desk lamp and pulling you off to bed because you're more tired than you knew. Inviting Celia and Alan for Sunday dinner because she knows that now you're no longer casually in and out of one another's home day to day you're both missing it. Having her come to curl with you on the big chair in the study as you read the ubiquitous report, her head on your shoulder, her warmth against you making it impossible to concentrate. As she knew it would.

XXX

Being loved by Caroline Elliot is being given a full pedicure because pregnant as you are, you can no longer reach your own toes. Then, being propped in bed with your feet on an old towel while she paints your toenails smurf blue so you'll have something colorful to look at while you are forced to rest so often.

XXX

Being loved by Kate McKenzie is not being allowed to read reports and trade magazines in bed anymore. In fact, being made to promise to do your 'homework' before dinner just as Laurence is required to do. After dinner is family time unless there's a special dispensation for work brought home from the office – and the reason for that had better be _very_ convincing.

XXX

Being loved by Caroline Elliot is the mischievous glint in her eye, her cheeky tone and twinkling eyes, the gentle tweak, the witty retort, the too innocent moppet eyes when she is having you on, the peal of her laughter in the house. All of this is new since last year. It's a balm to Kate's soul to see happiness dissolve guardedness, to see the response of Caroline's boys to this new side of their Mum.

XXX

Being loved by Kate McKenzie is the sight and sound of her at the piano. The music that she plays from memory, eyes closed, head moving gently with the music, her face and body at one with the composition, transported elsewhere. Caroline doesn't know where she goes but she comes back refreshed, renewed.

XXX

Being loved by Caroline Elliot is the privilege of her proximity. The swish and sway of her body, the graceful gesture, the tilt of her head, the bashful smile, the curve of her fringe, the exquisite form and coloring and texture that is Caroline. Vivacious and brilliant, her essence is a shimmering radiance to light the lives of all who are fortunate enough to come into her sphere.

XXX

Being loved by Kate McKenzie is the privilege of her proximity. The gentle charm and grace that soothe and calm, her effortless changes from casually mod to sophisticated elegance, the switch that takes her from unassuming to majestic in a flash. Her cool composure, keen intellect, the openness and equanimity that deceive complacent assumptions. Her shining hair and luminous skin radiate vitality. The subtly athletic frame whose slender strength somehow manages to evoke vulnerability and therefore inspires protection for her.

XXX

Being in love with Kate McKenzie is to be in some greater or lesser degree of arousal at all times. The sensations that even the most innocent touch will kindle, engaging emotions, engendering feelings, reviving memories, igniting passions.

The tender gaze that realizes you. Her brown eyes, sometimes almost ebony other times with hints of amber but always, always, seeing eyes, knowing eyes, comprehending eyes. Eyes that have seen the darkness and light in you that no one else even suspects is there. Eyes that can strip the clothing from your body, extract the oxygen from your lungs, render your muscles inert but tingle your nerves, cause you to be conscious of body parts that it isn't appropriate to think about just now.

She doesn't even need to be present for these reactions to occur. But when she is, when she is, _oh yes_, the gears engage. The motor is throttled up from the ever-present idle, juices flow; there is a need to swallow and dampness in unspeakable places. Suddenly, it isn't possible to remain still, it becomes _necessary_ to move in close, touch silken skin, inhale her scent. To stand beside her engaging in insipid conversation with others only because she is there and so you can wrap a finger around one of hers and feel her fingers mashing it between them and know that she feels what you feel and any time is far too long to wait to be alone together again.

XXX

Being loved by Caroline Elliot is to be in possession of a fragile jewel. Only Kate's rare authenticity and self-assurance could embrace this treasure without crushing it. But Kate's possession of Caroline frees her to be even more quintessentially Caroline and thus more covetable.

XXX

Kate is sterling, pure, true, and under this benevolent tenure, the magnificence that is Caroline moves through the world like an aura. A shimmering presence that is golden, lighting the way, lightening the load for others as she assumes their burdens, leads, guides, protects. She is adroit, ingenious, appealing, and wholly desirable.

The light of her blue eyes is as warm as the waters of a tropical sea, as beautiful, inviting and irresistible; a tidal pull into her lushness. Her voluptuous body, overtly feminine, delicately drawn, fully developed, sinew and muscle wrapped in luxurious softness. Somehow just being Caroline is the most sensuous, alluring thing in the world to be. Everyone wants her but she has given herself to Kate, whole-heartedly, totally without reservation.

XXX

In the love between Caroline Elliot and Kate McKenzie to say the name of your beloved is the highest, deepest appreciation of her essence. To hear your name on her lips the ultimate in aural stimulation.

Of course, you've found pet names for one another but these are for use in lighter moments. When emotions surge the intensity is too weighty for these other appellations. Only the name that evokes everything will carry the density of import, the fire of ardor, that ever-present incandescence that is your love.

Neither had thought much about her name before they met. It was just her name. But when heard on the lips of the other, in the voice of the adored one, that name is a volt charging through the torso to spread through limbs like a flush.

To hear your name on the lips of your beloved is a secret message just for you. Its significance conveyed in tone and timber, pitch and breath and volume, the variations endless. Implications of the moment crystal clear, a perfect revelation of innermost depths of yearning and elemental need. A reflection of profound ecstasy when lovemaking takes you beyond passion to that white-hot place of total absorption in sensation and gripping intensity. Saying the beloved name reveals all she'll need to know to orchestrate maximum pleasure, locking you both in sweet intercourse. The trifecta of voice and touch with eye contact can cause instant orgasm. To say the beloved name is everything.


	30. Chapter 30

_Back to the story proper._

**Will You Marry Me**

Laurence had been invited to drive with Angus and Felicity to her parents for the weekend. He was eager to make the trip, so, exacting promises from him to be on his best behavior Caroline assented. Life was beginning to settle into new routines for all of them and Laurence had been feeling a little cooped up between the confines of the flat and the particularly cold snowy weather this winter. Caroline thought it would do him good to get out with Angus and have some fun.

That morning the two women had completed the work they'd brought home to do over the weekend, taking turns changing out loads of laundry to prepare for the week ahead. After a leisurely lunch they'd retired for the afternoon rest that Caroline insisted upon for Kate and which had become a pleasant ritual for her too on the weekends. Neither woman had been much on napping up until this point but Kate did, in fact, now need the rest and Caroline was simply glad to be near Kate.

Having made love, slept and wakened they still lay stretched out on the bed idly talking of whatever came to mind. Caroline lying on her stomach and elbows within Kate's encircling arm shivering at the fingers that traced patterns between the freckles on her shoulder. She felt as relaxed as she could ever remember being and was willing simply to gaze into the lovely face, which never failed to fascinate her.

High intermittent clouds skidding overhead caused random light fluctuations that changed the hue and tone of Kate's skin. Caroline had always been captivated by the luminous quality of this mercurial skin. No named colors were accurate to describe it and no object she'd ever seen matched it. It was uniquely Kate and that suited Caroline down to the ground. She was content simply to study and adore.

At length, Caroline was unable to resist leaning in and running her tongue over the curvy upper lip, paying special attention to the delicately pointed tip in the center. That point alone had the power to bring her to full arousal. Caroline whispered, "God, Kate, I still want you." Marveling, "I can never get enough of you. Close as we are, I want to be closer. I want to inhale you." Feeling Kate's arm tighten around her she pressed closer, "It scares me sometimes how much I love you."

Raising her face just enough to touch their lips together Kate felt the tingle run through her and the answering shiver in Caroline. Feeling that velvet tongue luring her in, Kate rolled her back and made impossibly slow sensuous love to Caroline's mouth. Eventually Caroline breathed, "Kate, if you touch me now, I'll come undone."

Languidly Kate let her hand move down the quivering stomach, delicate teasing fingers giving a preview of the motion they would make when they reached their destination, further shallowing Caroline's breathing. Finding her firmly erect the promise was delivered and the soft convulsing cry quick to follow.

It was all too much for Kate and finding Caroline's willing hand she guided it to her and with Caroline's deft strokes her own cries followed soon after. Clutching one another, entwining they tried to get closer still, smoldering fires unquenched.

In the slanting sunlight of late afternoon, they scrambled eggs and made toast because it was easy. Sitting on their favorite corner stools they fed one another choice bits by hand for the sheer pleasure of putting fingers into one another's mouth.

Making quick work of stuffing dirty dishes into the dishwasher, they turned off the lamps to get the full effect of the lights of the town through their panoramic windows, letting Kate's romantic playlist pull them into dancing before the view. The baby kept them just the right distance apart to gaze into one another's eyes.

"Kate?"

Eyes soft, fingering Caroline's hair as she so often did when they were close, "Mmmm?"

Shy but needing to know, "Have you thought anymore about marrying me?"

Ghost of a smile playing on her lips, "Mmm hmm."

"And?"

Amusement in her eyes Kate kept them cast down in order not to reveal too much too soon. "And what?"

One hand on the small of her back pressing her close, the other tipping up her chin so Caroline could see her eyes, "Kate, _will_ you marry me?"

Warmly tender, "Yes, Caroline. I will marry you." Laying her lips on Caroline's, until a fat salty tear made its way into the kiss. Pulling back then, "Caroline, are you crying?"

Wiping her eyes, "No."

Smiling lovingly, helping to blot away the tears, "You are. Dear Heart, why are you crying?"

"I didn't think you would say yes."

"Didn't you?"

"You didn't last time."

Sweetly explaining, "But you didn't ask me last time."

Surprised, "I did."

"Noooo. We talked about many things including marriage but you didn't actually ask me."

Taken aback, "Oh." Remembering back, she couldn't recall actually having asked the question. "If I had?"

"Dunno."

"But now…"

Smiling, "But now, yes."

Daring to ask, "What's changed?"

Impishly, "Well, you aren't still married anymore, so, no bigamy."

Smiling ruefully, "Anything else?"

Growing serious now, "For me it wasn't necessary. What we have between us is so sacred that marriage seems redundant." Catching Caroline's face, turning it back to meet her eyes, "For _us_, it seems right." Holding blue eyes with brown, the love flashing between them, "Because of all the things you said. There _are_ legalities to consider." It was Kate who misted up now, "Because if anything should happen to me I want to be sure that it is you who raises our daughter."

Pulling Kate's forehead down to hers and wiping away tears with her thumbs, "Kate, My Brown Eyed Girl, nothing is going to happen to you." Fiercely, "I won't let it." Pressing tear stained cheek to tear stained cheek they swayed to the music for a time, cherishing the other, each a little afraid of what might be in store for them before the baby was delivered safely and knowing in their heart of hearts that there was little they could do to change the flow of events.

**Wedding Planning**

With a weary back, Kate led Caroline to the sofa, they lay face to face ignoring the night view through the windows. Her eyes crinkling at the corners, already knowing the answer, "So have you been thinking about the wedding you want?"

Seeing she was caught out, Caroline pulled in her chin and gave her winning smile, "Maybe."

Kate laughed out loud. "Maybe!" she scoffed. "I'll bet you have every detail worked out down to the name of the caterer.

Raising her chin, "No caterers. It is all going to be very simple." Then, remorseful when she realized that it wasn't only her wedding. Wrinkling her nose, "I suppose we ought to talk about what _we_ want."

Brown eyes still twinkling, "Tell me what you're thinking and I will tell you if there is anything else or something that I disagree with."

Pressing her lips to Kate's, she said wonderingly, "You are very sweet to me."

Tracing lines across her brow, moving aside the fringe, fingertips smoothing under the eyes, over the lips, her own eyes shining, "I love you so much Caroline." Regaining her composure and smiling again, "So, tell me," she prompted.

Shrugging a bit, "Since we have both been married before, I was thinking we could keep it very simple, immediate family. Maybe find a magistrate who would come here. Have the ceremony in front of the windows," tipping her head over her shoulder. "7:00pm ceremony, cake and champagne, throw the mob out and it's just you and me again. What do you think?"

Laughing shortly, "That _is_ pretty simple. Flowers?"

Agreeing, "Of course, flowers."

Musing for a moment. "My cousin Margo is a magistrate in Leeds."

"Is she? I didn't know that." Recalling the tale of summers at the McKenzie grandparent's home, "Is she the one who played 60s &amp; 70s records you found in the house with her record player on the porch?"

Smiling fondly, "Yes, that's Margo. We were the only two girls, plus the four boys. Donnie &amp; Margo belong to Uncle Donald, my Dad's oldest brother and his wife Aunt Sylvia. Donnie was killed in Dublin in the nineties, he was in the army, Kevin adored Donnie. Used to follow him everywhere. I think Donnie's death is one of the reasons he decided to go into Doctors without Borders.

Rousing from this reverie, "Margo and Graham have Pam, who married Jason Hughes last year. Uncle Gordon and Aunt Eileen have Scott who is married to Brenda and they have Kirsty and Douglas both at school and Duncan married Patsy and they have Kim who is still in school as well."

"Gosh," is all Caroline can think to say at this eruption of names. Then coming to it slowly, "Sooo, if you ask Margo to marry us, you'll need to invite the rest as well?"

The scrunched up face giving away the admission, "I'm afraid there _would_ be hurt feelings if we didn't."

Caroline's voice rising an octave, "So how many is that?"

Counting quickly in her head, "Eighteen, if they all came.

"So, we'd need to invite Auntie Muriel and Marta's family, counting Will, Laurence, Mum &amp; Alan, the Greenwoods that is 12. With you and me we'd be 32." Blinking at Kate she said again, "Gosh."

Giving her own charming smile, "We could do that here, couldn't we?"

Seeing the appeal in Kate's face, she softened, "Course, of course. In this room we could do that easily." Regarding Kate's happiness at this, "Your very close to them all aren't you?"

"We grew up together, more or less. We all lived between here and Leeds, lots of overnights in one another's homes. We seemed to gather at any excuse, Christmas, birthdays, all the milestones and summers in Northumberland." Beaming now, "It was a good childhood."

A small answering smile on her face "Funny I've never met any of them."

Seeing her face, "Oh Caroline. It wasn't intentional. Its just that we don't get together as much now that everyone has their own family." Apologetically, "You and I really weren't together that long last spring before… Well, and this month there has hardly been time."

"No, no, I'm not saying anything about that." Looking a little taken aback, "Actually, it seems a little daunting to meet all of them."

Smiling prettily, "It isn't that many more than I walked into with the Elliots, Buttershaws and Greenwoods."

"No, I suppose not," Caroline agreed.

"Besides, that is what weddings are for isn't it? Introducing families?"

"Is it?"

"No? What was your wedding to John like?"

Dismissively, "Oh it was a bit of circus in the end. My Dad was in business, always doing deals and John's parents were very social. Both of us were an only child, so the parents all invited hoards of people with their own agendas in mind and… Well, it was all a bit of a blur really." Seeing Kate's sympathetic face, "You and Richard?"

"Mmm. Both sides of both families plus we still had quite a few friends from school and university." Belatedly remembering, "Oh! And my Mum's side, "Auntie Chris, her husband is gone now but there are my cousins Amanda and Gerald. Auntie Chris was older than Mum and she married younger so Amanda and Gerald were about 10 years older than Kevin and I. We didn't see them that much compared to the McKenzies. I'm not sure they would come up here for a wedding but that would be another seven, potentially. Sorry."

For the third time now, "Gosh."

Kate is becoming concerned, "Caroline. You aren't going to panic are you?"

"I may already have done."

Laughing softly and hugging her, "Oh Dear Heart, don't do that. It'll be alright. I promise." Rearing back, "What date were you thinking?"

"Half terms? I thought we could get away for a few days. Somewhere. February 9th?"

"Caroline! That is only three weeks away!" Blinking at her, "Now I'm starting to panic."

It is Caroline's turn to laugh, "If we follow the keep it simple plan that should be enough time shouldn't it?" Sitting up now beside Kate, "Mum and Alan get back on the 31st so they'll have had time to get rested." Her voice rising higher as it does when she's trying to convince Kate of something, "It'll be fine won't it?"

Pushing Caroline to the edge of the sofa so she can swing her legs around her to sit up, "So, when are you planning to tell your Mum about this little event, then?" Kate sat waiting for her answer, eyebrows raised thinking of Celia's potential reaction to this news.

Moving into place beside Kate, "Oh."

"Oh, indeed. They only arrived in France on Thursday. She'll be thinking we waited until they were out of the country to spring this on her."

Caroline leaned back against the sofa at this thought letting out one of her huge sighs, "Gosh!"

Kate thinking on, "Not to mention telling the boys, my Mum, asking Margo, getting the word out to the families, flowers, cake… Dresses!"

Taking Kate's gesturing hands, "Kate. Kate, your blood pressure, calm yourself. Take a deep breath." The apologetic one now, "I didn't mean to get you all wound up. I'm sorry. I am sorry." Stroking her cheek, "Take another deep breath. If you think we can't do it, we'll think again." Tilting her head and giving out the charming smile again, "You haven't changed your mind about marrying me have you?"

Trying to hold back a smile, "Maybe."

Moving in, her voice low and soft, "You haven't have you?" Letting her kisses do the convincing for her it isn't long before Caroline hears that sound in the back of Kate's throat that she's been waiting for and smiles into the kiss.

Not wanting to think about Celia just now, "What will _your_ Mum say?"

Smiling at Caroline, "Well, she likes you, Dr. Elliot, with your crisply pressed blouses and smart outfits, your handsome sons and the way you take care of me. I imagine she will be pleased since we've come this far. "

"What does that mean? 'We've come this far'."

_TO BE CONTINUED_


	31. Chapter 31

_Oops, look what happened on the way to the wedding. Sometimes these things surprise even me._

**Kate's Story**

_"What does that mean? 'We've come this far'."_

Looking slightly embarrassed, "It will be the first time I've actually brought someone for the all the McKenzies to meet. Except Richard."

Very surprised, "Ever?" At Kate's nod, "But I thought they knew that you… your extended family."

Shrugging a little uncomfortably, "They do know. They've just not been _faced_ with it before."

"Then how do they know?"

"The way families always know, I suppose. One knows and before long they all… just know."

Confused, "But I thought… You let me think it was all cut and dried with you, out and proud."

A little defensive now, "I didn't actually say that. I did say, 'do you think its easy for anyone?' when you told me it was hard for you."

Caroline gives Kate a long scrutinizing look. "You seemed so calm about it, I thought it was old news to your family." Kate said nothing but she looked a little chagrined. "So is this going to be an ordeal for you? For your Mum?"

Slowly, "No. Not in the way it was for you with Celia. It's just…"

Seeing that suddenly Kate was having difficulty expressing herself, "I'd be interested to know how it was, _is_ for you. With your family. It's not something we've talked about before."

With the timid look on her face that could turn up when Kate talked about herself, "I told Mum &amp; Dad a year or so after Richard and I divorced. They were pretty stunned. At first I think they just thought it was an overreaction from all that Richard and I went through with the babies and my depression or something. But after a time, I asked them to dinner to meet Lydia, the woman I was seeing then. They were… polite. After all that they had been subjected to for so many years, the slights and prejudices, they wouldn't be anything else but the evening was... a bit strained. They accepted then that I meant it when I said I was more attracted to women than to men. I'd tell them about where I went, with whom but I didn't make a big thing of inviting anyone I was seeing to family events. I hadn't met anyone I cared that much about really. I didn't bring anyone else to meet Mum and Dad either. It was just… dating, nothing to make it worth the awkwardness."

"Mum &amp; Dad were always close with Gordon and Eileen so I suppose at some point they told them and it wasn't a secret really so, it went around the family. Once, in Leeds, at a concert, I ran into Scotty and Brenda. I was with someone, they'd seen that it wasn't platonic; I mean we had our arms around one another's waist and she'd just put her head on my shoulder as I looked up and saw them. I made introductions and it was fine. I just never felt strongly enough about anyone to bring them to McKenzie family gatherings, make it worth putting my Mum through it. By then Dad was more and more out of it."

"Put your Mum through it? Would they be unkind about it?"

"No. No, nothing like that. The McKenzies are never unkind but becoming one of them, that is another matter. It's just that it took a long time for Mum to feel really accepted by my Dad's family. By the time she did, I made things worse for her again and now this."

Intrigued, "Why? What happened?"

Smiling ruefully, "Really it started long before that. Are you ready for the story of my life?"

Squaring around on the sofa and sitting cross-legged, Caroline took Kate's hand, "I'd like that. Very much. I have wondered."

Smiling bravely, "You may be sorry you said that, but here goes." Plumping up pillows at the end of the sofa to support her back, Kate turned to face Caroline, wrapping her legs either side of where she sat. "I took a gap year. I had a friend, Janie, her mother had a cousin in France who ran a music and dance studio. It was mainly lesson and rehearsal rooms to let, although Madame coordinated some lessons as well. It wasn't far from the university and there was a shortage of rehearsal space there, so students booked rooms by the hour to practice their instruments or get in an extra dance session. Upstairs on one side of the big dance studio was a small apartment that Janie and I shared."

Caroline could see the excitement building in Kate at the retelling, she was captivated, "What did you do?"

"We took appointments, manned reception, cleaned rooms, whatever needed doing. I gave a few piano lessons, Janie taught some violin, the two of us catered to the local children mainly. We didn't make much money but we had a place to stay and we were in France."

Kate was looking into her mind's eye now, "We got to know the regulars, the students. As time went by they would ask us to their parties or out for coffee or to the clubs. One night in late winter, at closing, one of the ballerinas, who had been part of these groups from time to time, came out from a session. We got talking and went for coffee." Smiling to herself, Kate said, "Dominique. She was engaging, vivacious, very talkative."

Caroline smiled admiringly into Kate's face, "And you were sweet and self-effacing and a good listener even then, weren't you?"

Ignoring this except for the smile she returned, "She told me about her family and the small vineyard they owned, the young man her parents had chosen for her to marry and, as feudal as it sounded, it was what she planned to do, in a few years, when the time was right. She told me that she had wanted to be a professional dancer but now she knew that she didn't have the talent for it. She was very philosophical, about that and… everything as it turned out. She loved to dance though and continued her studies. She said all her friends were dancers and she was bored with their self-centered ways, she wanted to be around 'normal' people sometimes.

Catching Caroline's eye, "So, we went shopping, met her friends for coffee or sometimes we went to the clubs. One night we went to a party and afterward she came up to the flat. Janie was still out. We sat and talked for a while, then she kissed me." Kate paused to read Caroline's face but saw she only smiled enouragingly waiting for the story to continue. "It was like nothing I'd experienced before. Slow and gentle, electrifying. She was sweet and undemanding. She said she wouldn't be offended if I didn't feel the same, we could still be friends, just as before. Then Janie came in and Dominique left soon after."

Confiding to Caroline, "I didn't know what to think. It was totally unexpected. Maybe it shouldn't have been but I was a total innocent at the time. I had dated a little, while I was at school, with boys, but kissing them had never been like this."

"The next week, it happened again." Watching Caroline's face, Kate said softly, "I kissed her back this time. Then we began to look for ways to be alone together and the relationship escalated and… we were an item. Janie was a little shocked I think. At first. But… we were in France and everything was new and different so…" Kate's nose had wrinkled up at this last. "Besides she had a boyfriend, one of the students and they had become quite involved as well."

"By this time it was late spring. Janie and I were leaving for home the end of July. Dominique and I knew it couldn't last long but we tried not to think of that and we were very intense." Embarrassment evident, "Well, I was very intense. Being the sophisticate that she was Dominique was far more philosophical about it. She reminded me that she had explained it all to me that first night. Nothing was changed, what we had between us would be something beautiful for us to remember. So, when the time came we parted. Tearfully. Regretfully. I was devastated. Kate looked at Caroline almost imploringly, "It didn't seem right that something so beautiful could just… end."

Watching Kate's face, saddened by the memories, "Did you keep in touch?"

"A few letters, but naturally that was never going to be enough and it became… too painful and we simply stopped."

Regarding Caroline, a little embarrassed, "My first sexual experience."

Taking her hands, "Kate. It sounds beautiful. I'm sorry it ended so painfully for you."

Smiling, "It was beautiful. It was unique." Sitting forward, Kate told her earnestly, "Caroline, until you, no one has had such an effect on me. You may think that I'm being fanciful," Kate looked at her solemnly, "But I had plenty of time to think about this when we were apart. I have come to believe that Dominique happened to me as a sort of… herald to you. To what we would one day have together. So that I would know that such feelings were possible. So I wouldn't settle for something less. There have been women I've dated but the relationships were not very serious… there was something vital missing in all of them. It had been there with Dominique… but not again until you. I'd just about given up hope of finding that feeling ever again. I thought for a long time it only happened because I was so young and inexperienced."

Brown eyes shining, "Then I met you. It was a sensation that I hadn't felt in almost twenty years. You were obviously straight and my boss, so I put it away, I knew it could never be. But it never really went away." Chuckling, "Not that you helped matters."

Genuinely surprised, "_I_ didn't? What do you mean?"

Laughing, "Oh Caroline, you were further into denial than I thought." Suspiciously, "You really don't know?"

Her voice rising an octave higher, "What?"

"Truly? You aren't aware of all the times when you would sit or stand next to me in a group of teachers? Brush your shoulder against mine as you laughed or talked? Put a finger on my hand to make a point? Touch my shoulder or arm?"

Leaning back, disbelieving, "Kate."

"I hoped no one else noticed. I must admit I was a little confused." Smiling, "Until later."

Caroline, remembering those days suddenly realized. Fingers covering her mouth, she was dismayed. "I think I may have... Oh, Kate. I'm so sorry. It was subconscious. I would never have deliberately led you on. What you must have thought of me."

Teasing her, "It did put a little drama into my days. Wondering if we would encounter one another today. At least I knew you liked me." Considering, "I think that's what gave me the courage to not let you brush me off the day I found you outside. That day I took the shortcut between wings." Seeing that Caroline remembered too, "You'd looked so sad all week and here you were just standing there, staring off into the distance, with only a jumper on, as cold as it was."

"I'd seen your eyes following your boys across campus a few times that week. I thought maybe something was wrong with one of them. When I asked if everything was all right you just said, 'Yep' and waved me on. But I couldn't leave you like that."

Picking up the story, "You insisted, 'You haven't been yourself all week. Something is wrong'. I thought I'd been covering pretty well, no one else had said anything. You touched my arm and said 'What is it?' So then, I just blurted it out, 'John's left me for another woman'. Then you asked me if I wanted to talk, when I hesitated you said that you would be at the tea shop in your neighborhood doing some marking if I wanted to come by." Her face grave at the memory, "I almost didn't go that day. It felt so… self indulgent, talking to someone."

"I was glad that you did. Not that there was anything I could say or do to help really. But you did look a little better when you left."

"I felt better. A little less daft and useless."

"I was very glad when you came again, and then a couple of times a week there for a while." Smiling into Caroline's eyes, "Remember the Friday night we went to dinner?"

Caroline smiled bashfully at this. "I was _so_ nervous that night. I'd begun admitting to myself by then the attraction I felt for you. I drank too much and behaved like a fool."

"You had me in a state before you even finished that bottle of wine. I had all I could handle looking at magnificent you and keeping up my end of the conversation while you were brushing my knee with yours, letting your foot rest against mine, touching my hand. I was a wreck."

Remembering her state of being that night, Kate found that she had to swallow before she could continue, "And then you came to lean against my car, right beside me as I bent to unlock the door for you. In your grey wrap with the coral scarf I had given you for Christmas and your intoxicating scent." Kate sat forward now, "As I stood up, there you were with your face raised, your eyes on my mouth and I realized that you wanted to be kissed."

Blue eyes alight with the memory, Caroline said wonderingly, "So you did." Her breathing rate increased just by the act of remembering, "It was the most amazing feeling I'd had for decades." Eyes on the parted lips before her, "Then you just stayed there, not moving away. Your face so close. It was unbearable."

Softly, "So, you kissed me."

Blue eyes meeting brown, softly proud, "I did, didn't I?"

Beaming, "Oh, you did! When your tongue touched mine I felt self-control slipping away. I knew how much you'd had to drink and that I had to be the responsible one but it was so _not_ what I wanted to be. Afternoon tea with Dr. Elliot had in no way prepared me for this night. For provocative you. I had to lean on the boot of the car on the way around and take in a few more lungs full of cold air before I dared get into there with you."

Caroline's delighted with this revelation. "Did you?"

Laughing gently, "Turns out I needn't have worried. By the time I got in you were asleep. So sleepy that I had to walk you to the door and wait for William to take you inside."

Caroline mused, "The next day I wondered if we'd actually kissed or if I'd dreamed it. But when we met at school on Monday I knew by your face that it had happened. You were searching my eyes to see if I remembered and of course I did and blushed. So then, you knew that I remembered. Good thing we were on the crossover again, the cold air felt good."

Kate watched appreciatively as a slight flush came over Caroline at the memory. She swallowed again to keep from kissing Caroline right now and altering the deliciousness that was building between them. "I invited you to dinner at mine."

Then it was two weeks before I could get free to accept. I was afraid you'd change your mind."

Allowing herself a moment to take in the loveliness before her, "Oh, trust me, _that_ was never going to happen. I was fascinated to see who would arrive that night. Dr. Elliot worried about her children or that tantalizing woman who had me so aroused at the restaurant." Musing, "It turned out to be neither. You were quiet, almost shy and dressed so elegantly casual the way only you can. You blew me away all over again."

Brown eyes scanning the face that still had the power to surprise and delight her, "We talked about everything that night except ourselves. I told you about Kevin and no matter what came up in our discussion of world affairs you had something sapient to add. I wondered when you found the time to keep so current on everything." Watching Caroline shrug this off, Kate went on, "I was afraid this was you trying to erase what had happened between us."

Looking self-conscious, "It was. But talking with you, your intelligence, your passion for people and justice was as appealing as you in jeans and a jumper moving around your lovely home, waiting on me, listening to me, watching me. Eyes on Kates, "I think really, it was that night I fell in love with you."

"I was shocked when you kissed me at the front door. You had been so circumspect all evening. You turned from letting me help you with your coat, I thought that was it, until I saw your face… then you kissed me so sweetly."

"And the sound you made… Well, I couldn't just leave, there had to be more."

"Oh Caroline, I'd never been kissed like that before. Ever. It was you, I was permeated with an evening of glorious, magnificent you."

"It took everything I had to open the door and walk out that night instead of taking off my coat and following you up the stairs."

"I wanted you to stay." Faces growing closer and closer through these last revelations, the two surrendered to the tension of these poignant memories.

"Caroline..."


	32. Chapter 32

**Kate's Story – Part 2**

Sunday morning dawned cold but sunny and still. After a late breakfast the two women decided on a walk in The Stray. Once on their way, Caroline smiled impishly at Kate, "We got rather side tracked last night from your story and onto ours."

Smiling down lovingly, "That was my doing, I wanted to make sure you knew how unique you are in my life, how truly precious you are to me."

Squeezing the arm that was tucked into hers, eyes alight, gazing up into Kate's, "Mmm. I think you did manage to convey that by the end of the evening." They walked on together looking more at one another than where they were going. Then searching Kate's face, "We didn't actually get to finish talking about your family. Is there more?"

Taking a deep breath, "You're sure?" At Caroline's 'Please', Kate recalled where she'd left off and began from there, "Janie and I came home from our gap year sadder but wiser women, as they say. We agreed that what happened in France stayed in France as far as telling our families about our affairs. Hers wouldn't have been any happier with her story than mine would have been about Dominique. Our families thought we were subdued because we missed our fun times in France and that was partly true but it was the romance we'd each left behind that was so difficult."

"In the autumn she went to Leeds and I was off to Durham, so once we arrived we didn't even have each other for support. There weren't mobiles and text and email the way we have today. The newness of being at university, the hard work, occupied me the first year. I met people but no one special really. It wasn't until autumn of my second year that I formed the friendships that, over time, became a circle of friends. It was then that I met Greg, a friend of a friend. He was fun, he made me laugh, after a time we started dating and we…" Glancing at Caroline a bit apprehensively, to see that she was studying her, "I liked him but I wanted to see…"

Looking into the distance, "Then, just before end of term, I thought I might be pregnant. I bought a test kit and it was positive. I told Greg just before we left for home. He was great about it. Shocked but sweet too. He said he would do whatever I wanted him to do." Stopping and dragging on Caroline's arm to stop her, pulling her around until they were face to face. "This is why I know Greg is not a jerk. He was there for me when I needed him."

Understanding now, Caroline nodded, "I'm sorry I said that. It was just not a good night for me to meet him, obviously." Seeing the toll this was taking on Kate, "Do you want to turn around?"

At Kate's nod they reversed course and the story continued, "I told him that I would be talking to my parents. He said he would call me to see how it went." Absorbed in remembering, "After the holiday parties, I told Mum and Dad. They were not happy about it clearly, but once they got over the surprise we talked about Greg and what options the two of us faced. They hadn't met him and they wanted to. I called and invited him for the weekend. He was nervous and the visit wasn't much of a success. It wasn't ever going to be under the circumstances. He had told his Dad. His parents were in the middle of a messy divorce at the time and his Mum was away in northern Scotland with her family. He didn't get much support there, his Dad said he should just… handle it, whatever that might have meant."

"So, we sat with my parents and discussed the pros and cons and at the end of the day we decided on abortion. Greg offered to stay but my Dad suggested he go home and let us take care of things here. Mum made the appointments and went with me. It was all very clinical and routine for everyone but me. Well, and Mum and Dad and Kevin, he knew too. In a few days I was fine and then it was time to go back to university."

"It was another sad term of working hard and getting on with it. It was only then that Greg began to get on my nerves, being overly solicitous and I finally stopped seeing him. Somehow that baby stayed on my mind though. I researched the stages of growth and mourned over the life it would never have. I guess that was the beginning of my obsession over babies."

Once they had returned to the suite and were sitting at the breakfast bar with a glass of orange, Kate resumed her story. "After university, I followed in my Dad's footsteps and began teaching, languages and music, my double major. I lived at home for a couple of years then took a flat of my own. I had friends, I dated a bit."

Long held curiosity getting the better of her, "Were there…? How many…? So did you…?"

Kate looked at Caroline for a long moment, thinking of what it had taken for her to get past Greg, at least she hoped she had, and while that was different to what Caroline was asking now she hesitated to risk the anxiety that further revelations could unleash into their relationship. Kate wanted to protect Caroline from unnecessary angst, so she simply warned, "Caroline."

Insisting, "But you know about me. It was Cindy at university, then John, now us."

"I thought you dated more than that at uni," revealing more in spite of her intentions.

"Well, dating. But that's not… Is it?"

Thinking quickly, "Caroline, in a way we are the same. For me the only emotional connections were Dominique, Richard and you. Anything else was just… chewing gum."

Startled, "Chewing gum?"

A small smile at Caroline's expression, "You know, something to do, a little flavor for a short time but no nutrition, no substance."

Giving Kate an odd look, Caroline quietly considered this. She didn't want to introduce a note of discord but she found it difficult to understand the sort of casual coupling that Kate implied.

Leaning forward, tilting her head to meet the blue eyes looking up at her from a downcast face, "Caroline, I've told you what's important, that everything in my life so far has lead me to you." Then with tears beginning to fill her eyes, Kate said softly, "Caroline, you are everything to me. You are so much more than I could ever have imagined or hoped for. I love you so much it hurts sometimes." Kate watched the blonde head come up, "You make my heart overflow." Then tears did seep out but Caroline's lips were on hers and nothing else mattered.

Finally, kissing a remaining teardrop away, Caroline's eyes met Kate's again, "I didn't mean to take us away from your story again. Will you go on?"

Taking a long breath, "One of the teachers at my new school threw a New Year's Eve party. Her brother was Richard. He was a year or so older than I, handsome, suave enough to be attractive and he made me laugh. He started pursuing me and it felt… different somehow from the others. He'd had a good start to his career in finance. He was ready to settle down, wanted a family. That was something I knew I wanted. I wanted children. I wanted to get it right this time. His family reminded me of mine, good people, stable and happy. All the things I'd been looking for." Looking at Caroline with her eyes wide, "So, when he asked me, I said yes. Everyone was delighted."

We were planners, Richard and I. We decided on the wedding we wanted, saved for that and married; for the house we would buy, saved for that and bought it. The next item on the list was children, so we set about that when the time was right. It took almost a year of trying the first time." Looking at Caroline with tears in her eyes, "Well. You know the rest of that story. Except, I couldn't help wondering if I was being punished for the baby I chose not to have."

Reaching for her hands, "Oh Kate, surely not. I'm so sorry. So very sorry for all the babies you've lost. For all the pain and grief you've suffered." Pulling her from the stool and embracing her, "Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me the rest of your story." Blotting tears from both faces, they moved to the sofa.

"So, that's me. The wild child of the McKenzies, a sadness to my mother." Looking Caroline in the eye, the pain evident in her face, "Abortion, a failure at producing grandchildren, a failed marriage and now being gay. Instead of a reason to be proud I cause her to be pitied by the family from whom she has tried for years to gain acceptance."

"Kate, that can't be true. All I ever see for you in your mother's face is love and concern."

Tears in her eyes again, "That is a testament to the mother she is. Not the daughter that I am."

Holding Kate's eyes, "Look, I know you Kate. I know you've only ever done what you thought was right for you. Been true to yourself. Doing anything else would have been damaging to the person that you are." Caressing the hands that she held, "It was tragic, what happened with the babies but that wasn't your fault. It couldn't be helped. You cannot blame yourself for that. OK?"

Wanting to be face to face with Kate, Caroline slipped to her knees, "Kate, your mother is very proud of you. She's told me that she is, that she admires your courage. The courage it took to end your marriage to Richard and be on your own after all that you went through losing the babies and the depressions. She said that she didn't know if she could have done that. As for your being gay, that didn't bother her especially, except that she worried because you never seemed to find anyone suitable to you after Richard. She didn't like to see you so alone. That is what your mother thinks, not the things that you are attributing to her."

Amazed, "When do you find time to have these deep conversations with my Mum?"

Trying not to grin, "You do spend a good deal of time in the loo these days."

Laughing then, as she blots away the tears, "Apparently."

Still wondering, "So, when the McKenzies learn that we are getting married will that be a problem for you or for Edie?"

Tugging Caroline up onto the sofa with her again, "No, not in the way that it was for you with Celia. It's not that they don't live in the twenty first century, even the older generation, it's just that once again our family is different from the McKenzie family pattern." Ruefully, "I suppose they should be getting used to that by now. Dad marrying outside of his race, my life, even Kevin, the good son, went off to Doctors without Borders instead of marrying and raising a family here."

Smiling, "So, you see, you are conforming to the norm of your family, your branch of the family." Caroline said slowly, "So, we invite them all to the wedding and let them decide for themselves how to handle it?"

"That is about all we can do, isn't it?" Then, looking pointedly at Caroline, "Are you calling Celia now? To tell her about the wedding?"

Putting an arm around Kate and pulling her close so she didn't have to meet her eyes, "It is such a lovely day, let's not spoil it, shall we? We should tell the boys first anyway."

Eyes twinkling at Caroline's procrastination, Kate settled in, "Right."


	33. Chapter 33

_It has been pointed out to me that same sex marriage did not become legal in Britain until the end of March 2014. Because I tend to write ahead, then come back and edit, my storyline would be seriously disrupted by moving the wedding to the end of March, plus by my reckoning, that would be just about Kate's due date. I think these two are far too practical to risk planning a wedding at such a precarious time. So, I'll ask you to ignore reality for the sake of the story and indulge in the luxury of fiction to take a little license at times._

_Many of you have been kind enough to tell me that you are enjoying the story, thank you for taking the time to say so. I take pleasure in hearing from you._

**We're Getting Married**

When Laurence returned on Sunday evening, the women listened while he shared the highlights of his weekend. It had all been great, it was a fine day on Saturday so Angus' grandfather had taken them on a long trek up the beach and back over the moor. He had finished by taking them into his local pub for lunch.

Over a dinner of shepherds pie Laurence finally ran down and Caroline, a little nervously for her began, "We have some news of our own tonight."

Hearing the anxious note in his mother's voice Laurence raised his head looking suspiciously from one to the other. "What's happening?"

Caroline cleared her throat, "Um, we've been talking, Kate and I." Looking at Kate then back at Laurence, "We've been talking about getting married. What um…"

Making an exasperated sound, "Is that all. I thought it was going to be something terrible."

Taken aback, "Terrible. Like what?" Caroline demanded.

"Shrugging, "I dunno. Like you'd been fighting or were breaking down already or something."

"N-no. Nothing like that." Taken aback, "Fighting. Why would you think that?"

Evading the question Laurence took his plate to the sink. Turning he grinned at his Mum, "What's Granny going to say about this?"

Impishly, "Why do you think we waited for her to get to France to decide?"

Chortling, "Good luck with that." Heading for the telly, "Does Will know?"

Looking at one another in amazement over this blasé attitude from Laurence, Caroline said, "No we wanted to wait until you were home to call him."

"Cool." Jumping up, "Should I ring him?"

Nodding, Caroline led Kate to the sofa to join Laurence in making the call. By the time they arrived the connection had gone through and Laurence was excitedly sharing the news with his brother. They exchanged another indulgent glance before Caroline gave Laurence 'the look' that told him he had overstepped. Quickly he said into the mobile "Here's Mum," He handed off the phone and sat beside her to listen.

Will, of course, was very happy for them. Holding the phone between them they accepted his congratulations and discussed the date and simplicity of their plans. Will promised to be there the day before in case there was anything he could do to help. Then asked, "So what did Granny say?"

"Um, we haven't called her yet. It is getting late now, I don't like to get her excited when she is getting ready to retire for the night."

"Coward," said Will, laughing to take the sting out of the words.

There he was going all grown up on her again. Resolutely, "Alright, I'll come home early from school tomorrow and Kate and I will call her and Alan."

"Awww. I have rugby practice after school tomorrow," wailed Laurence. Getting 'the look' again, Laurence sulked, then brightening, "I'd sure like to be a fly on that wall, wherever she is." Bored with listening to Will's activities on campus, Laurence broke in, "Will we tell them at school?"

"No!" Caroline responded sternly. "Speaking to both boys now, "This is going to be a very simple quiet wedding for family only. We'll make announcements at school later. I'm depending on you both to keep quiet even within the family until we get a chance to tell Edie, Granny and Gillian."

That night, preparing for bed, "You're suddenly very quiet."

"I'm getting the feeling I'm going to need to be quiet if I'm not to spill the beans."

Stricken, Caroline dropped onto her heels to look up into Kate's face as she sat on the dressing table bench. "Oh Kate, I'm so sorry. I never meant to make it sound… so hole in the corner. It's just…" Struggling to find the words, pleading, " You know how weddings can take on a life of their own. You know how draining I find all the social stuff. I'd be happy for it to be just you and me in front of a magistrate but you know how that turned out for Mum and Alan. It _is_ only fair to the families to invite them." Seeing Kate hadn't relented, she smiled up at her, "You clearly want your family there, so fine. We can do all that." Nothing. No response, only the silent brown eyes on hers.

Kneeling to take the strain of squatting from her legs, Caroline turned penitent, "Tell me what you want Kate, that's what we will do." Waving a magnanimous hand, "If you want me to make an announcement at assembly tomorrow I'll do it." Tears forming in searching blue eyes, "I don't care, I only want you."

Reaching out to blot a tear that threatened to fall onto a freckled cheek, "You don't need to make an announcement at assembly. The school can wait until after." Still regarding her seriously, " It just started to feel… not very good when you were shushing the boys."

"Reasonably, "surely there is a progression to announcing these things. We haven't spoken to your Mum either yet," Caroline pointed out. "Children, parents, other family members…" Being mischievous, "the world." Straightening, "Oh my God!"

"What? What is it, Caroline?"

"Rings! I never even thought about rings until just this instant." Devastated, "I've asked you to marry me and never offered you a ring." Remorseful, "Oh Kate, I'm not very good at this."

"Its OK." Rising and pulling Caroline to her feet Kate guided her to sit beside her on the edge of the bed. "Caroline, you weren't trained to think about offering a ring." Smiling gently, "I told you, it feels like we are already married. I don't think we need to follow all of the patriarchal wedding customs."

Grateful to feel Kate's reassuring fingers on her hand, she said in a tiny voice, "No?"

Kissing her briefly, "No."

"Soooo?"

Reflectively, "I have my great grandmother's wedding ring. I never wore it because it does look so much like a wedding ring. How would you feel if I wore that?"

Smiling again, "I have all of Grandmother Dawson's jewelry. It is still in a box in the closet. I'll pull it out and we can see if there is anything that will work for me." Kissing Kate, "A lovely idea."

The next afternoon, Caroline arrived home directly after school as promised. Seating herself beside Kate on the sofa she pulled out her mobile and rang Alan's number.

"Caroline, hello. This is a surprise."

"Hi Alan, how are you?"

Oh, right as rain, course it is a beautiful day here, no rain in sight. I'm sat on a bench waiting for Celia to finish her shopping."

"Mum isn't there with you?"

"She'll be coming out 'ta shop momentarily. Is anything wrong?"

"No, no. Everything is very right." Smiling into Kate's eyes, "I – We have some very good news but I wanted to share it with you first in case Mum gets… Well, you know how she can be."

"Right love, what is it? I can see her crossing over now."

"Kate and I are getting married. On February 9th."

"Oh, well, that is good news. That'll be coming right up."

Celia is standing over him now, "Who is it?"

Waving her off, "We'll only be back a week by then."

"By when? Who are you talking to?"

Resigned, "Here is your Mum, lass." Handing over the mobile.

Getting wound up, "Caroline! Why is she calling you?" Snatching the instrument from Alan as he gives her the look he so often does, eyebrows raised with a slightly disapproving look.

"Caroline. What is it? Is everything alright?" She is remembering Gillian calling her first when there was bad news to share with Alan.

"Mum, everything is fine. Stop worrying."

"Why are you calling then? In the middle of the afternoon? To Alan's mobile?"

"Um, just got the numbers mixed, I guess." Hurrying on before her mother asks any more questions she doesn't want to answer. Jumping right in, "Listen, I have good news for you, Kate and I are going to be married."

Stridently, "What? Married! Good God, why?"

Opening her mouth to reply Caroline cannot think of an answer to give her mother and closes it again, looking helplessly at Kate. Taking the mobile and holding it between them as Caroline had been doing, "Hello Celia? It's Kate." Brightly, "I hope you are happy for our news."

Sputtering now, "Kate. Well, I er, um." Taking a breath, but the wind is out of her sails. Weakly, "Yes. Yes, I guess so. I'm uh, when did you decide this?" Looking at Alan smirking at her she can see he has already heard their news.

Caroline has covered the receiver opening with her thumb because she and Kate have lost it over the abrupt change in tone from Celia once Kate was on the line with her. Struggling for control so they could open the connection again and respond, Caroline still too overcome with laughter nodded to Kate who managed, "Just Saturday. We talked to the boys last night."

"…happy for you both." Sitting down heavily beside Alan, Celia said weakly, "I hope you'll both be very happy."

"We are, Celia. We are very excited." Covering the speaker again they let out another peal of laughter.

Celia is gamely trying, "So, when is it, the wedding?"

"February 9th, Mum." Quickly covering the speaker again, sure that this will set Celia off properly. And it does.

"February 9th! Why that is less than three weeks away! And we'll be here in France until late next week. What can you be thinking Caroline? Caroline? Are you there?"

Looking away from Kate altogether, Caroline rises and walks to the window, "Mum, it is the beginning of the mid-term break. We thought we would go away together for a few days afterward. With the baby coming it seems like the perfect time."

Snappishly, "The two of you don't know what the perfect time is!"

Sternly now, "Mum. Mum, you need to calm down. This is happening. The fact that it is in three weeks makes no difference. There is nothing for you to do except buy a new dress if you like. Although, I think the dress you wore to your wedding would make a lovely mother of the bride dress."

"Mother of the bride! Ha!"

Warningly, "Mum." Praying Kate hadn't heard this last comment by her mother, she walked to the end of the room. Telling of their plans in the hope that this will give Celia time to calm down. "We are keeping it very simple. We will have it here in our suite. Kate's cousin is a magistrate; we hope she will be able to perform the ceremony. There will only be family. Kate's family and ours. I'll be calling Auntie Muriel later in the week once we have the details worked out." Pausing to give her Mum another chance. Silence.

Worriedly, "Mum?" Mum, are you there?"

"Weakly again, "A woman magistrate. Muuuriel!"

Caroline can just see her Mum rolling her eyes. Taking pity on her now she says gently, "It'll be OK. It isn't as if she doesn't know about me and Kate."

Sighing, "No. I suppose not." Celia agreed.

Then, "How much family does Kate have? I've never even met her Dad."

Using Kate's rationale on her mother, "That is what weddings are for, aren't they?"

Resignedly, "Are they?"

"You know they are." Repeating herself because she isn't sure her Mum has taken it in, "It is going to be very simple. A ceremony, cake and champagne, good wishes and everyone is off." The quiet once again worrying her, "Why don't you and Alan go and have a nice supper somewhere and get a good night's rest. I'll call again in a couple of days to give you an update." Still nothing. Querying, "Is that alright?"

A deep sigh, which brings a smile to Caroline's face remembering the day before their move when Celia had been feeling so put upon by Ted. "Yes, sure love. I'll be fine. We'll get some dinner. Here is Alan."

Taking the mobile back, "Caroline?"

"Alan? Is she alright?"

Looking over at Celia who is sitting back against the seat staring unseeingly in front of her. "Yes. Sure. She is just tired. We've been sightseeing all day. We're fine, love."

"OK. I ring back in a couple of days then with more details. Alright?"

"Sure, sure. That'll be best. We'll talk to you later. Ta-ta.

"Bye. B-Bye." Sinking down on the sofa beside Kate, "Well, that's that done."

"Is she really alright?"

Looking at Kate unhappily, "Who knows? She got very quiet at the end." Worriedly, "I wish she weren't so far away."

"Alan is with her. She'll be fine once she has a chance to think things over."

"I suppose." Smiling admiringly at Kate, "Thanks for chiming in. You do have an effect on her."

"Now, lets just hope you have a calming effect on my Mum."

"Oh Gawd. You don't think she is going to object do you?" Watching Kate shrug noncommittally, Caroline rolled her eyes, "I don't know if I have two sessions like this in me for one afternoon."

Looking innocent, "It _was_ your idea, you know." Watching Caroline's mouth open roundly and then close giving her that 'oh no you don't look'. Kate's face turned pleading as she held out her hands in front of her, "Pull me out of here, please?"

On the way over to Edie's in the Jeep, "You don't really think your Mum is going to be upset by this news?"

"Not for herself, she won't. Her sister is another matter. They're similar to Celia's relationship to Muriel, chalk and cheese." Seeing that Caroline did not understand, "Auntie Chris married a Nigerian man and they moved to London. He was the son of my grandparent's friends. They have been very conservative in their views. It took years for them to get over my Mum marrying my Dad. In time their relationship to my Dad became… cordial but never really comfortable. Of course, we didn't see them nearly as often as the McKenzie's, only once or twice a year. Mum and Auntie Chris talk on the phone. I think she feels duty bound to inform my Mum of the way things _ought_ to be. So, in the end, Mum is better supported by the McKenzie's than her own sister."

Trying to read Kate's face, "So, do they…"

"Know about me?" Looking away from Caroline and out the windscreen, "Yes, in theory. I mean they know but we seldom get together with them. Kevin sees them sometimes when he is in London but I haven't seen them since before Richard and I divorced." Seeing Caroline's surprise, "Mum used to go down on the train once a year or so but Auntie Chris seldom leaves her neighborhood anymore. Her comfort zone. Amanda and Gerald, my cousins are years older than Kevin and I so even when we did see them we never got close. Not like the McKenzie cousins."

"I see," is all that Caroline offered.

Glancing over a little uncomfortably, "So, yes. Your Mum isn't the only one who has a problem with our sexual orientation."

"I didn't say anything."

Kate simply grinned, knowing she had thought it.

Edie, given notice by Kate that they were coming to visit, had baked biscuits and made tea. Sitting around her dining room table she got the news from Kate about her health, learning that her blood pressure had gone down now that she was working only two mornings a week and resting each afternoon. They discussed Celia and Alan, their trip to France, how the boys were doing in school and finally Edie asked point blank why they had come to visit her so uncharacteristically on a Monday afternoon.

Caroline, swallowing a smile at behavior so like her mother's let Kate take the lead.

Watching her daughter's face and seeing that she took Caroline's hand, Edie had an idea of what was coming.

Looking her mother in the eye, "Caroline has asked me to marry her and I've said yes."

Looking from one to the other she couldn't help the worry that lined her face. "Your sure? The two of you?" Forcing herself to go on, Edie held up a hand, "I know that you are both adults. I don't mean any disrespect to either of you but you haven't actually logged very many hours together as a couple yet."

"Mum," Kate began.

Holding up her hand again, "Be quiet Kathryn. Give me the courtesy to let me think for a moment."

The two exchanged a look, recognizing this authority they waited hands clasped, palms sweating grown women that they were, waiting to see what this matriarch would say. She was silent so long that Caroline was moved to say gently, "Edie, are you really more concerned about us getting married than living together and raising Kate's child?"

Regarding Caroline again, Edie remembered what she knew about this woman and how much she liked and respected her but still she was worried. "No, Caroline. Not really, it is just that marriage is a big step." Sighing, "I know that today people marry and divorce as readily as they live together then don't live together." Looking at them each in turn again, "I know that you are already a couple and that nothing I say will change that," she added quickly "nor should it. But… Kate is my daughter and you know already Caroline that you always worry about your children."

Studying Caroline again, "The world can be a cruel place. Maybe more cruel than you know Caroline." Profound sadness came over Edie's face now, "I don't have my Alistair to talk things over with anymore and I worry because I am not as wise as he..." Taking a deep breath now, " I just want you to be happy, both of you. You are both my children now and I wish you much happiness in the life you live together."

Seeing the tears brimming both women moved quickly to hug and kiss Edie. Caroline found the box of tissues and placed them in reach of Kate's mother. Wiping tears away quickly she said, "OK. Tell me your plans then."

They told what they knew and that they would need to contact Margo to see if she could perform the ceremony and then the rest of the families. Did she think the London contingent would be likely to attend?

The sadness reappeared, "Chris has been suffering some ill health with her heart. Kevin told me. He went to visit the last time he was in London and Amanda had given him the news. Chris never tells her business, not even to me. Her shoulders slumping, something Caroline had never seen before, "She doesn't say anything so I don't either." Smiling ruefully, "We pretend." Putting on a happier face, "So, no, I think they may not come north for your wedding, Kate."

Apologizing, "I'm sorry Edie, it is my day to pick up Laurence and his friend Angus. We are going to have to go."

Saying their goodbyes, Kate promised to ring her Mum after talking to Margo.

"Margo, it's Kate. Have I caught you at a good time to talk? Yes, I'm fine, I'm really fine. That is why I'm calling. I told you that Caroline and I are back together again…" Smiling into Caroline's eyes, "Yes, I am happy." Recalling her mission, "So, the thing is, we're getting married. Yes. Thank you. We wondered if you would do the honors?"

Taking Caroline's hand and giving it a squeeze, "We were thinking here in our flat in Harrogate. Just the families." Laughing, "Yes, it is pretty spacious. You might be surprised after my little cottage."

February 9th. In the evening." Waiting as Margo consults her diary. Eyes sparkling, "Oh good. I'm so glad. Thank you Margo. Yes, lets get together soon, you can meet Caroline and we'll talk about the wedding then. Wonderful. I'll call you."

Pulling Caroline down beside her she said with satisfaction, "That is that done."


	34. Chapter 34

**Getting Excited**

Celia's ability to blow hot and cold asserted itself after she learned that Caroline and Kate were planning to be married. Whether it was buying a fax machine or Caroline's relationship to Kate she could be mercurial in her temperament. After her initial reaction to the news of Caroline and Kate's marriage, Celia became fixated on the wedding as an event. Perhaps to keep herself from thinking too much about the aspects of the relationship she still struggled to process.

She loved Caroline and wanted her to be happy. She liked Kate as a person. She was trying to respect the boundary that Kate had established and Caroline had seconded. Celia and Alan had talked about Caroline and Kate and their relationship but this was still her daughter in a same sex relationship not some abstract concept. And she hadn't entirely made her mind up about Kate's baby either. Oddly, none of this stopped her calling Caroline daily or even multiple times a day with ideas for the wedding. After a couple of days of this Caroline stopped taking her calls at work which only made her mother more vociferous in the evenings.

"…I know you're ignoring me during the day but the least you could do is hear me out in the evening."

"Mum. Mum, we've been all through this." Exasperatedly patient, "It is going to be very _simple_. Cake and champagne with a non-alcoholic punch, we have it covered… NO. We do NOT need a caterer. There is not going to be a meal. The wedding is at 7:00pm; cake and champagne will be just fine. There is nothing to get overwrought about."

Indignant, "I am not overwrought! I have a right to be excited, my only daughter is getting married…" holding the phone at arms length and mouthing the words along with her mother while striking a pose in imitation of Celia, Caroline held the phone just so on the last word, "Again." Seeing this performance Kate started to giggle and continued reactions on Caroline's face forced her to clap a hand over her mouth and leave the room for fear Celia would hear her laughter.

Her face merry as a result of being able to make Kate laugh at her antics, Caroline watched her out of sight before she turned back to the less amusing task at hand, sighing deeply, "Yes mother, there will be flowers which we have also arranged." This was an exaggeration but after Saturday it would be true.

"Mum, Kate and Edie are going shopping for dresses on Friday. Yes, this Friday… Yes, they will have plenty of time next week if they don't find something they like on Friday."

Bored with the third reiteration of this conversation in as many days, Caroline heads to her study to go through the day's post while she is held hostage to her mother, "Yes, I have it in my diary, you and I will shop for dresses on Saturday, February 2nd." Firmly, " No! I've never had a problem finding clothes. I'm sure that won't be leaving it too late. Of course, not Mother, I'm looking forward to it."

Tossing items into the recycle bin, "Mum, really, I'm telling you that you are worrying too much about this. It is all going to be fine. I wish that you would go back to enjoying yourself with Alan. This is your honeymoon after all. If I thought our news would have had this effect on you I would have waited to tell you when you arrived home."

Kate has entered the room in time to hear Caroline's last statement to Celia and catch the tirade from the mobile in Caroline's outstretched arm. She hastily covers her mouth to stifle more laughter and with compassion in her eyes for Caroline leaves again. Laurence, seeing Kate exiting the study in obvious amusement peeks in and after giving his Mum a supportive grin of sympathy also leaves the room. Wearily now, "Mum, I know Gillian and I planned your wedding for you but we volunteered and you said yes. You do not have to do the same for me. Kate and I have it under control. I'd be much happier thinking of you and Alan having the time of your life in France." Trying desperately to change the subject, "What did the two of you do today?"

Successful at last, Caroline listened to an account of today's activities and tomorrow's itinerary until she felt it safe to try to conclude the session, saying sincerely, "I hope you'll have a lovely time. Just forget all of this business and enjoy yourselves. What if I call you on Sunday and you can fill me in on the rest of the week? OK. Yes, talk to you then. Bye, B-bye." Dropping the phone onto the desk Caroline slumped in her chair, exhausted by her mothers relentlessness.

Going in search of Kate she found her propped up in bed reading. Making a face Caroline told her, "You were some help." Then nodding sagely at the choked sounding 'sorry' that came back at her through Kate's next bout of laughter Caroline turned to search for Laurence.

Finding him in front of the telly, Caroline gave him a playful push on the shoulder before she sank into a chair near him. "And you were no help either."

Grinning, "She still excited about the wedding?"

Rolling her eyes, "what else?" Looking at him, "Was there something you wanted when you came in?"

"Nope. Just looking in on you."

Yawning as she rose, she kissed him on top of the head, "Right, well get ready because next time I'm handing her off to you."

Closing the bedroom door behind her, "Are you through laughing at me now?"

Trying to keep a serious look on her face, "I wasn't laughing _at_ you, I was laughing because you are so droll when you are dealing with her." Losing the battle for seriousness, Kate chortled, "The two of you could do a comedy routine on the telly."

Barely keeping back a grin, Caroline raised her chin as she headed to the ensuite, "Somehow I doubt anyone but you would find it quite so amusing."

Miracle of miracles, Celia didn't call on Thursday, Friday or Saturday.

Kate and Edie had a lovely day together shopping for dresses. Returning empty handed, Kate assured Caroline that she had found a dress she liked well enough. But then, she was only shopping for a tent anyway, wasn't she? Much to Caroline's amusement, Kate declined to describe the dress to her and had gone so far as to send it home with her mother to be brought to the suite on the day of the wedding.

The best news was that Edie had informed Kate that Kevin was going to be in the country for a conference in London next week, then taking leave to travel north for a long awaited visit home from the 3rd through the 10th of February. They were both elated that he could be home for their wedding. He hadn't been to see his family for almost eighteen months and they were eager to see him again but fearful for the changes he would find in his father.

Kate went with her Mum to visit her Dad on Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings now, knowing that it was getting more and more difficult for Edie to face this alone each day. She was glad that she got to see more of him but it saddened her anew each day at their loss of the man they knew and loved.

The news of Kevin's imminent arrival made Kate almost more excited than the prospect of the wedding. She couldn't wait for Caroline to meet Kevin and told story after story of their growing up years. Caroline was touched. She had never known how much Kate missed her twin. It pleased her to see Kate so animated but she was a little fearful of meeting this brother of Kate's. Kate obviously loved and admired Kevin. What if he didn't like her?

During the week they discussed the matter of witnesses. Kate, so happy that Kevin could share their special day had chosen him as her witness and Caroline had asked her cousin Marta who had confirmed that she and Steve would indeed be bringing Auntie Muriel and Susan with them to the wedding and were quite looking forward to the day. She'd considered asking Gillian, but in spite of working together to plan their parents recent wedding they'd known each other such a short time and Gillian's erratic seeming behavior made her uneasy. Marta had seemed a better choice.

Saturday morning they had an appointment with the florist to choose flowers. Agreeing that neither wanted to _carry_ flowers and they had instead settled on matching wrist arrangements with blush pink roses as the focal flower. In addition they selected corsages for their mothers, Margo, and Marta with boutonnieres for Alistair, if it seemed advisable for him to attend on the day, Alan, Kevin and the boys.

Following the visit to the florist they would meet Margo on the northern outskirts of Leeds for lunch to discuss the wedding. Once again, Caroline was anxious. So far, Edie was the only member of Kate's family that she had met. This was the part of the proceedings that she dreaded, all of the socializing attendant to a wedding. She could meet hordes of parents at Teacher's Night, speak calmly before assemblies and at meetings but outside of business, one on one or in social groups she often found herself wishing she were elsewhere. Socially adept, meeting strangers still was not something she enjoyed. Meeting Kate's extended family would have to happen at some point, she was resigned to that but her palms grew damp at the thought nevertheless.

On the drive to Leeds Caroline asked, "Tell me some more about her."

Smiling at Caroline, "Margo? She's brilliant. A barrister before she became a magistrate, quite well respected. Lets see, she is musical, plays the violin. She and Graham, that is her husband, he plays the cello, are part of a chamber music ensemble in Leeds. They are quite good. We should come over for one of their performances. I used to go quite often; somehow I've gotten out of the habit lately.

Margo is beautiful she has lovely auburn hair. She is brilliant; oh wait, I've said that already. Graham adores her, and she thinks the world of him. They are marvelous together. I just know you'll like them and they are going to love you."

Caroline was more apprehensive than ever after this description. She had never seen the normally serene Kate so excited. She was almost bouncing in her seat. Unprepared for this family side to Kate, she prayed that she would not let her down today.

Margo was already seated at table when they arrived but she came forward to greet them at the door to the dining room, embracing Kate and kissing her cheek before she turned to Caroline taking her hand warmly and introducing herself. After placing their order the two cousins caught up on family news. Margo too was delighted that Kevin would be able to attend the wedding and that the McKenzies would have a chance to see him there.

Then Margo turned to Caroline, "Kate tells me that you have two boys and one is at Oxford. You must be very proud, won't you tell me about them?" And she was so kind and so interested that Caroline found it easy to talk about her two favorite subjects under Kate's beaming gaze. As the meal progressed Margo talked about her own family and work and Caroline found her wit delightful and was totally charmed by her. They laughed and talked until Margo looked at her watch apologizing that she had commitments that made it impossible for her to linger for much longer.

Getting down to business, she inquired what they had in mind for vows. Kate and Caroline looked blankly at one another. Why had they not anticipated this question? Seeing they were caught off guard she offered to email them some options to consider and they could let her know. Or they could write their own vows. This made Kate's face light up and Caroline's fill with horror. Laughing gently at them, she said, "I'll leave this part to the two of you." Taking her leave as warmly as she had greeted them, all at once she was gone.

Kate gave Caroline a pleased smile, and covered her hand on the table, "You did like her didn't you?"

Turning over her hand to take Kate's, Caroline smiled her reassurance, "Yes, you were right, she is lovely. And quite witty, I believe she could give Marta a run for her money."

On the drive back they discussed the issue of vows. Kate talked long and hard trying to convince Caroline that they should write their own vows, until at last, Caroline pulled off onto a lay by. Turning to Kate, she took both of her hands and looking apologetically into Kate's intent brown eyes pleaded her case. "Kate, I can't say the words you want to hear, the words you _deserve_ to hear in front of all those people. I'm sorry, I just can't do it." Seeing Kate's high spirits deflate before her eyes, Caroline felt like a traitor. "Look, what if we do this. We choose something from the options that Margo sends for the ceremony and we write our own vows to say to one another when we are alone?"

Considering this Kate still looks disappointed. "It won't be the same though. No one will know how we really feel but us."

Jubilant, "Exactly."

"Don't you want people to know that you love me?"

Beseeching her to understand, "Kate, do you think I would be going through all of this if I _didn't_ love you? Right now I'm wishing I'd insisted we go to a local magistrate, someone we didn't know and told the families about it later like Mum and Alan did."

"Well, your not!"

Caroline could see she had just made matters worse instead of better. Trying again. "Kate, for me to stand up in front of our families and say to you the way I love you would be as intimate to me as if we were to have sex on the carpet in front of them."

Grinning at this image and quirking that one eyebrow the way she did, "That could be quite educational."

Barely able to keep the answering grin from her face, "But you take my point?

"Do you really feel this strongly about it?"

"I wish I didn't Kate, for your sake but I do. I'm sorry."

Grudgingly, "Alright. But the vows you write for me had better be _very_ good."

Leaning over the console, "Kiss me now so I don't think your cross with me."

Arms folded, her back against the door, "I am cross with you."

Still leaning, blue blue eyes on the prize, "Ka-at-e. Ka-at-e." Coaxingly, "After this morning? You can't be cross with me after this morning.

Turning back into her seat properly, well within kissing range but looking straight ahead, "You can be so infuriating, Caroline.

Almost coming over the console, Caroline, smiling through parted lips, took Kate's mouth until she responded, really responded. Resuming her seat then, satisfied, still watching Kate as she reattaches her seat belt, admiring the look she has put on Kate's face, Caroline shifts the car into gear and moves back into traffic.


	35. Chapter 35

**Kevin**

After the scurry and bustle of last week when they had been making all of the arrangements for the wedding, this week of waiting for Kevin to arrive had seemed to drag for Kate. He had called her before his conference began and was as excited at the prospect of coming home, as she and Edie were to have him there. He was taking the train from London on Friday morning and would be going with their Mum directly to see Dad. He would then be stopping over for the next week with Edie. There would be plenty of time in the week before the wedding for them to catch up. Edie had insisted on cooking for them all on the Friday of his arrival. Kate, Caroline and the boys were all invited to meet Kevin for the first time.

Last week she had gone through her family directory calling everyone to share the news that she was marrying Caroline and inviting each family group to the wedding. She had found it a more difficult task than she had thought it would be to do this on the phone. Explaining again and again about Caroline who none of them had yet met. They had all known that she had been seeing women since her divorce from Richard but she had never been in a relationship lasting enough for her to want to bring someone to a McKenzie family gathering. Now she was informing them of her wedding plans.

And of course at Christmas a month ago… was it only a month ago? Well, a month ago she had only just gotten back together with Caroline and hadn't said much to anyone except Margo. They had all seen the reality that she was pregnant and were pleased for her in a subdued rather worried way, knowing her history. There hadn't been any baby showers as they were all afraid of what might happen and didn't want her to have the burden of a lot of baby things if…

Now she was calling them with news of an almost immediate wedding. Margo had of course, been her first call. They had talked about Caroline, last year in the early days when she was so elated that Caroline had seemed to be in love with her. Then more than once during the dark days when it had seemed that all was lost. She hadn't gone into great detail but Margo knew the structure of her issues with Caroline. She had seen Kate's happiness at Christmas and they had exchanged emails since about the progress in the relationship and Margo was happy for Kate. But Kate could tell that her cousin was still a little cautious about it all in her own mind. She did however promise to perform the marriage and to meet Kate and Caroline on Saturday. She had also offered to explain things to her father and mother in advance of Kate's call. Auntie Sylvia had never quite recovered from Donnie's death and everyone in the family took great care not to upset her if at all possible.

So, she had gone down the list, calling Auntie Eileen first. She and Kate's mother were closest in age and had over the years become one another's confidants. Eileen was a great support to Edie as she cared for Alistair, they spoke frequently and so this aunt was often privy to news about Kate and Kevin that others might not hear. Eileen would have heard by now from Edie about her meetings with Caroline and her boys and what she thought of them all. She was still surprised at how quickly they were moving and as family members often do hadn't hesitated to say so, believing that she was protecting Edie and indeed, Kate herself. Kate had then put on her quiet dignity and assured her aunt that she and Caroline were very much in love and that she was confident that this was the right thing for them both.

She knew Auntie Eileen had not been convinced when she received a rare call from Uncle Gordon that same afternoon, ostensibly to offer his congratulations, but also in his subtle McKenzie way asking questions about Caroline and her family. Kate had been very touched by this call. Gordon was so like her father and he missed Alistair as much as she and Edie did, visiting him frequently at the residential home where he lived. After that call she'd had a good cry because she missed her Dad so much. She'd been careful to erase all traces of her tears by the time Caroline arrived home. Kate didn't want Caroline to worry about her anymore than she did already.

The calls to Scottie and Duncan had been easier. They had been happy for her, asked after her parents and learning that Kevin would be home next week became much more interested in this than the wedding. Smiling as she got off the phone following these calls she knew that it wouldn't be long before their wives called her and sure enough that same afternoon she'd taken calls from Brenda and Patsy who had demanded details and organized that the three of them should all lunch together on Wednesday of this week and that had been the highlight of her week so far. They'd been light and fun, wanting to know all about Caroline who had so obviously swept the down to earth Kate off her feet.

Now, on Thursday afternoon all of these family personalities swirled around in her brain plus she was a little nervous about Kevin meeting Caroline for the first time tomorrow, Kate found it impossible to drift off into the afternoon sleep which had been coming to her so readily in recent weeks. Finally, picking up her book she read until she drowsed.

Caroline, coming in from work went in search of Kate who usually greeted her from the kitchen or living room. Finding her still asleep, propped on pillows, she quietly changed and made her way beside Kate on top of the duvet, vaguely disquieted by this change in their routine. At the movement of the bed Kate woke, smiling to find Caroline already so close.

Stroking with her fingertips the warm cheek flushed from sleep, concern in her eyes, "Are you alright, My Brown Eyed Girl?"

Barely opened eyes tender with love, "Much better now."

Her voice soft with concern, "Why? Is something wrong?"

Quickly, "No." Brushing the backs of her fingers against Caroline's face comforted by her presence. "I'm just excited about Kevin coming home tomorrow and the wedding getting closer."

Still on an elbow gazing into Kate's face, "How was your blood pressure today?"

Eyes on the fingers, which were combing through blonde tresses, "Fine."

Finger on chin until brown eyes met penetrating blue ones, "Numbers please."

Wrinkling her nose, "same as Tuesday."

Unsatisfied, "Yes and Tuesday was higher than last Friday." Collapsing onto her back, "This bloody wedding."

Rolling over, within the arm Caroline raised at her approach, Kate's amused eyes, amber in the failing winter light find stunning blue ones, reminding, "Whose idea was it to get married?"

Making a face at her accuser, "Mine but just now it seems like a stupid thing to do."

Deciding not to take offense at this. "Why?"

"Well, its got us both wound up, hasn't it? All the families are roused and anxious for us. It's upsetting everything. Our quiet life."

"Our quiet life?!" Her face striving to keep from laughing into Caroline's face, "you are joking, right?"

Seeing the humor now, Caroline smiled prettily too, "Well, OK. So, it hasn't been _that_ quiet." Unrelenting, "But it could be."

Eyes still twinkling, "All evidence to the contrary."

Blue eyes suddenly serious, "How do you do it? You always make me feel better."

Interested, "How were you feeling before?"

"Anxious."

"Why?"

Admitting, "Meeting your whole extended family." Letting go one of her big sighs, "Meeting your twin brother. Tomorrow!" Rubbing her temple, "Kate, it gives me a headache just thinking about it."

Taking the spotted hand from the flushed forehead and clasping it to her chest, Kate placed a sweet kiss on downturned lips and she felt Caroline's arm tighten around her. Pulling back slightly, "Kevin is going to love you. Everyone is going to love you."

Not comforted, "Right. Because you're not biased at all."

"My Mum already loves you. And you know she isn't easy," Kate pointed out.

Considering this, Caroline admits a little proudly, "She does like me doesn't she?"

Drinking in the beloved face, "You really don't get it do you?"

"What?"

"How much people admire you. How beautiful you are. So charming and elegant and humble about it."

Pulling her chin down and giving her a reproving look, "If I believed any such thing I wouldn't be humble at all, would I?"

Knowing she would never convince her Kate gazed on. It felt so good to be here like this with Caroline. "I love you, Caroline."

Blue eyes on curved lips with the delicious point at the tip, Caroline said urgently, "Kiss me." Breathless from the intensity of this kiss, "How long before Laurence gets home?"

Regretfully, "Not long enough."

By the time Caroline came home on Friday with Laurence, William had arrived and Kate had taken him through the flat, showing him all the changes they had made since he left for Oxford after New Year's Day. Now the two sat chatting while Kate played softly on the piano, it helped her relax. She was more anxious about Caroline and Kevin meeting than she had let on to Caroline yesterday.

Hearing the key in the lock she began the theme to Lawrence of Arabia. Laurence, as usual first through the door, rolled his eyes at his grinning brother. Tipping his head in Kate's direction, he explained, "She does that now. Mum's is Sweet Caroline. Or that sappy song from the sixties, what is it called again?"

Smiling at him sweetly, "Dear Heart." Her fingers running over the keys to change melodies she began the opening strains to prove Laurence's point, letting her eyes move to the sound at the door which would be Caroline.

Rolling his eyes at Will again, unimpressed, "That's it."

But Will was watching the silent interplay between his Mum and Kate. He went to his Mum, giving her a hug and a kiss on the cheek as she grabbed his lapels holding him close for a moment searching his face to read his state of being. "It is good to see you so happy," he said quietly under the strains of the piano.

"It is good to have you home again," kissing him in turn and releasing him. "I've missed you." Heading toward Kate her eyes shining with happiness she watched Kate's gaze taking her in and felt a little embarrassed by her physical reaction to it in the presence of her suddenly grown up son.

Seeing this too, Kate's face broke into her disarming smile and she accepted Caroline's brief kiss leaning back against her gratefully as Caroline moved into place behind her.

Will, who had tenderly watched them move together gave a small wave now and pointed down the passage as he started in that direction, "I'll just visit with Laurence for a bit."

Watching him go, "He is always so thoughtful."

"He is really maturing Caroline. We've had a lovely visit since I picked him up at the station this afternoon."

"It's wonderful to have him home. I only hope it won't take too much out of him coming home two weekends in a row."

"He really wants to be here. I think he feels a little left out of our family life. Apparently, Laurence is keeping him well up to date on our antics."

Pretending shock, "Antics! Well, I like that." Then, "Are you going to keep playing that over and over?"

"I never seem to get tired of it."

"No." Caroline agreed. Taking her wrist, "Come with me while I freshen up, you can stretch out on the bed for a few minutes and rest your back."

"Should I change do you think?"

"Not unless you really want to." Letting her gaze travel the length of the vision that was Caroline, from her reclined position, "I'd rather like Kevin to meet you like this if you don't mind."

Seating herself beside Kate on the bed, "Would you?"

In a dreamy voice, "This is how you looked when I fell in love with you. Professional and devastatingly attractive all at the same time."

"Stop. I'll be embarrassed all evening now." Exhaling deeply and lowering her shoulders in an effort to relax, "As if I'm not panicked enough at the thought of meeting your brother."

Kate, nervous herself but trying not to let Caroline see, "Please don't be. It's only my family tonight. Well, minus Dad."

Bending down to kiss Kate's cheek, "I know this is especially hard for you when your Dad can't really participate in it all. I am sorry."

"I know you understand how hard it is and that means so much to me. I only wish you could have known him before…"

Sadly, "I know. I wish I _could_ have known him then." Realizing that time is slipping away and she has to get up but wants to distract Kate from sad thoughts, "Tell me about Kevin again." The smile returned and as the words flowed Caroline could go about freshening up.

"He is tall, taller than me. Very handsome, all the women want him and he is charming and gracious to them all but…"

Coming to the door of the ensuite, "Do you think he is gay?"

"I have wondered. We see so little of him though and he never talks about anyone special, male or female. I think he may be one of those men who marry his work. He is certainly in it up to his eyes every day. He's either working in the field, liaisoning with the home office or attending conferences all over the world. Even when he _is_ home he often gets calls that he says he must take."

Helping Kate to her feet and seating her at the dressing table while she goes in search of Kate's shoes, "Just being in Doctors without Borders is impressive enough but it sounds like he is doing more than just medicine."

Thoughtfully, as she reties her hair, "Yes, I think he does but he never says much about that either. I think he tries to protect me and Mum by not telling us too much."

Pulling Kate to her feet again, smiling, "Are you ready?"

Calling out imperatively, "Boys!" as she heads through the bedroom door, she has to smile as she sees them patiently waiting at the door, coats in hand. Will takes down Kate's coat holding it for her while he gives Laurence a pointed look to do the same for their Mum. With another roll of his eyes Laurence does comply, then lovingly gives her shoulders a little squeeze as he finishes. Caroline grabs his hand for a moment without daring to look at him, her emotions running very high tonight.

Arriving at Edie's, she greeted them at the door as usual. Kate is the first one inside and her Mum nods toward the kitchen where Kevin stands waiting for them in the bright light with his arms out. She flies to him and they embrace for a long moment while he watches William take Caroline's coat, then Edie take the hand of the statuesque blonde and kiss her cheek before drawing her toward him and Kate.

Releasing Kate, Kevin stepped toward Caroline and took both of her hands in his, "You must be Caroline. I'm very pleased to meet you at last."

Caroline once again found herself pinned by penetrating dark brown eyes, even more like Edie's than Kate's. Resolutely returning his searching gaze, she pressed his hands briefly saying with that trademark shy smile, "Kevin. I've heard so much about you."

At this he laughed heartily, "I'll just bet you have." Tapping himself ruefully on the chest, "The paragon of Doctors without Borders." Looking over her shoulder now, "These must be _your_ brothers."

Laughing now too, again meeting his assessing eyes, "Kate was right, you are a charmer. No, these are my sons. William, who is at Oxford and Laurence who is still at Sulgrave Heath with me, a rugby player." Both boys stepped forward to shake hands and were treated to warm smiles as well.

"Rugby! That's my game, or it was when I was at school and university." Kevin guided the boys to the family room, "So tell me Laurence, are you any good?" For the first time in a long time Caroline saw Laurence go speechless and Will step in to speak for him, "He is always telling me about the Tri he's scoring so he must not be too bad."

Edie had turned back to her stove and Kate was standing very close to Caroline with a questioning look. Caroline clasped her hand and nodded reassuringly before she said, "Go visit with Kevin, I'll help Edie."

The meal was delicious, all of Kevin's favorites naturally. They sat long at table talking and laughing together over stories of Kate and Kevin growing up interspersed with bringing Kevin up to date on all their news. It was clear that Laurence had found a new hero and his voice. He was fascinated by Kevin, plying him with questions about his exploits on the rugby field and as a doctor in the far-flung places of the world whenever there was a break in conversation.

Kate's yawn brought Caroline to her feet. "Right, I'll just help Edie clear away and we had better be off home for tonight." Pushing Kate back into her chair, "You stay and visit with Kevin, I've got this." But Kevin rose too and stacked plates and silverware, carrying them in and loading the dishwasher as he talked to Kate over the half-wall separating the kitchen from the dining table.

Completing this he returned to sit near Kate where he could also watch proceedings in the kitchen. "So, you are teaching part time now?" As Kate sketched the reasons for this Kevin observed how comfortable Caroline appeared to be in his mother's kitchen and the way they laughed softly together, shoulders touching often, almost conspiratorial. Looking back at Kate he saw that her eyes too followed Caroline's movements. Smiling, he said softly so only his sister could hear, "She is very beautiful." At Kate's blushing look back at him he continued, "I can see you have it very bad."

"So very bad." Kate admitted. "I told you that. Do you like her?"

Grinning now, "Very much. If you hadn't beaten me to it I might have pursued that myself."

Pushing him playfully on the shoulder, imitating shock, she said, "Kevin!"

Glancing up from her work, Caroline smiled to see brother and sister enjoying one another, her eyes rested lovingly on Kate watching to see just how tired she was getting."

Kevin saw this too and turning back to Kate, "it would have been no use, she only has eyes for you."

Blushing again, "And I only have eyes for her."

Edie, Kevin and Kate made plans for the next day. First they would visit Alistair at the home then Kevin would take them out to lunch before they came back to Edie's so Kate could rest and they would visit again. Caroline explained that she and Celia were shopping for dresses as her Mum was just back from her honeymoon trip with Alan and the boys were visiting their Dad for the day.

As they took their leave everyone hugged Edie goodbye and Kevin, standing on the porch holding the outer door, extended an arm to Caroline, "May I have a hug too?"

Smiling that shy smile again, "Of course," Stepping in she gave him a hug and surprising herself a kiss on the cheek as well, this man who was so much like Kate and yet so different.

Once again in their room, preparing for bed, "So, what do you think?"

Looking at Kate through the mirror, "You were right. He is handsome and debonair." Going back to removing her makeup, "He reminds me of you but he is very different too. Not as serene, he is very… intense, wired almost."

"Yes, he always was. He took everything very seriously. He is so sensitive. I sometimes wonder how he manages to deal with all that he must see on a daily basis." Seeing Caroline's face full of concern for her worrying about Kevin she lightened the mood. "He is half in love with you already though."

Discounting this, "Kate!"

"No he told me so, said if I hadn't beaten him to you he might have pursued you himself."

"Kate, you shouldn't say things like that."

"Yes, well, I saw his eyes following you around the kitchen."

Doing a double take to see if she's serious, "You've made me self conscious now. I'll never be able to look the poor man in the eye again."

Holding open the covers invitingly, "Why don't you come to bed and look me in the eye?"


	36. Chapter 36

**The Wedding Week**

Caroline and Kate woke in their own bed on their wedding day. Like so many wedding traditions they had ignored, they refused to give credence to any superstitious nonsense like being apart for a whole night just because it was before their wedding day. Waking first as she often did these days, since Kate slept so fitfully and sometimes had her best sleep of the night in the early hours of the morning, Caroline relished the delicious warmth and comfort she found in the body and person of Kate McKenzie. Considering all of the madness they would need to endure before this day ended and they could lie like this again she exhaled deeply, then caught herself, hoping she hadn't wakened Kate. She would need all of her rest to get through today.

Reflecting on the week just past, meeting Kevin for the first time had been daunting after all she had heard about him. She was relieved that she genuinely liked him and he seemed to like her. At least they wouldn't need to pretend with one another. In fact, he had pulled her aside one day at Edie's and handed her a fat envelope with everything she would need to keep in touch with him or contact him in case anything happened to Alistair or Edie or, God forbid, Kate. Telling her that Edie and Kate had all of this information too but in an emergency Caroline might want it where she could find it easily herself. It was clear that he loved Edie and Kate and Alistair very much. She was touched that he trusted her and sobered by his recognition that in time of need it would likely be her message that brought him home.

Last Saturday, shopping with her mother had been both better than she expected and worse. Better in that her mother seemed to have dropped her obsession with organizing the wedding and worse in that while Caroline found a dress that suited her perfectly in the second shop they visited, her mother had been satisfied with nothing for herself and after exhausting the shopping options in Harrogate had finally decided at 4:00 in the afternoon, to simply wear the dress in which she'd been married to Alan.

Sunday had been a McKenzie family party in honor of Kevin being home again. That is what Kate said. But she knew it was also a chance for the McKenzie's to meet her before the wedding. Margo and Graham had hosted this gathering in their lovely spacious home just north of Leeds. Much to Celia's delight, she and Alan had been invited as well. With all of the wedding excitement she hadn't been looking forward to returning to the bleak farmhouse above Halifax in the dead of winter. So, they had kept their Harrogate hotel room for another night and followed Caroline's Jeep to Leeds for the Sunday luncheon.

Caroline, her boys, Celia and Alan had been introduced to Kate's family and made to feel very welcome. Margo and Graham's son David had been home from university and following luncheon had taken the boys to his games room along with his cousins, Kirsty, Doug and Kim. William and Laurence had a grand time with the McKenzie's and since there was a snack bar in the lower level were not seen again that afternoon until it was time to leave.

Caroline, rather than feeling overwhelmed by this large family as she had feared, had been warmly engaged in conversation and somehow had never found herself stranded or alone. She had, in the thorough gentle way of the McKenzie's, been made to feel so comfortable that it wasn't until almost the end of the affair that she realized she had been quietly but skillfully vetted to determine if she were worthy of their Kate.

Celia and Alan too had been drawn into one group after another and she suspected been subjected to the same scrutiny whether they realized it or not. She had no fears for Alan but wondered what Kate's family might think of her outspoken mother. Celia appeared to have a good time and had spent a good half hour next to the fireplace with Edie having what seemed like quite a lovely talk. They had laughed frequently, glancing around for sight of one or another of their children, so Caroline surmised that they must have been exchanging stories again.

In fact, the two mothers had exchanged guarded views on the relationship between their daughters. Celia allowing that she couldn't remember seeing Caroline as happy as she saw her now that she was once again with Kate. She had carefully omitting her initial reaction to the news that Caroline was seeing this woman's daughter. Edie shared that she had begun to worry that Kate was too alone and now that the two had found one another, how Caroline's care for her pregnant daughter had moved her. She had also candidly sketched the challenges she and Alistair had faced in their early days together. Edie, not fooled by Celia's omissions had looked Celia in the eye and told her how hurtful it had been to them both and how it had only served to bring them into a special closeness that she hadn't observed in other marriages around her. Celia had listened. The intelligence she had allowed to stagnate into bitterness and sarcasm, until she met Alan again, was given a new and very personal perspective to consider.

Toward the end of the afternoon Caroline found herself next to Kevin as he stood a little apart surveying the various groupings, enjoying them without being part of them for the moment. "How does it feel to be home?"

Looking into her face for a moment, he saw genuine interest in the sharp blue eyes. She was not simply making conversation, still he was a bit guarded. "It's always a bit of culture shock when I come back to Europe. Very different to the way I live much of the time."

Returning his gaze, "I can only imagine what your life must be like." Embarrassed then, "Well, I can't _really_ imagine it." Looking at him speculatively, "One day I truly would like to hear about your work, what you do, what it means to you." Seeing his eyes on her as he said nothing, "Sorry, I don't mean that in a weird way. It's just that this week, meeting you and the rest of Kate's family for the first time, I realize how little I really know about any of you." Being completely honest, "It makes me wonder if I really know her."

Giving Caroline a quiet reassuring smile so like Kate's "I'm sure you know all the important things or you wouldn't be getting married on Saturday evening."

Smiling up at him, grateful to be understood, "No, you're right. We do know the important things."

Celia came up to her just then, Alan in tow. "Caroline, we are going now. We know the way back from here." Peering up into Kevin's face, characteristic Celia, saying whatever came to her mind, "You're very like our Kate and yet you aren't, are you?" Giving him another scrutinizing look as Kevin, a twinkle in his eye, simply bowed slightly to her. Celia, unsure whether she had just been disrespected or not, kissed Caroline's cheek saying, "Right, we're off then."

Alan shaking Kevin's hand, "Very nice to have met you, Dr. McKenzie, we'll look forward to seeing you again at t' wedding." Kissing her on the cheek, "Caroline, love." With that they were off saying their goodbyes to Edie and their hosts.

Caroline gave Kevin an apologetic look as Kate joined them, "Sorry about that."

Kevin just grinned, "Oh, I'm well used to the outspoken matriarchs. Wherever we go we find them."

Kate taking Caroline's hand at Kevin's last comment, said simply, "Celia?"

Caroline and Kevin in unison, "Celia!" All three laughed together and Caroline added, "Oh and by the way you're are 'our Kate' now."

"It would seem you've both passed the tests then," said Kevin. "I've never seen Uncle Donald talk so long to a visitor."

Amazed, "Long! We only spoke for 5 or 6 minutes."

"Yes, and that is double the usual time. Everyone in the family is remarking on how taken Uncle Donald is with you," laughed Kate.

Looking from one twin to the other suspiciously, "You're both having me on now. It must be time to go. Where have the boys gotten off to?"

The rest of the week had been mostly work for her, getting the school ready for the mid-term break, the usual discipline issues, parent conferences, consultations with the board on the new school and coming home to a joyful Kate, happy at being able to spend time with her brother. Monday, Wednesday and Friday, as usual now, Kate had gone with Edie and Kevin to see Alistair. Kevin had appointments with the head of the facility and his father's doctors this week to get detailed reports on progress of the disease and to let them know that he was continuing to monitor his father's care albeit from afar.

On Wednesday evening, Kate had cooked dinner for Edie, Kevin, Celia and Alan. This had given Laurence another chance to ply his new hero with questions. Kevin treated Laurence like an adult, which further endeared him to the boy. But more than that, he was every bit as good a teacher as his sister and while he answered questions he also gave them a glimpse into the affairs of the world from a first hand perspective. It was a view they hadn't heard before. Laurence's guileless questions led them all to become better acquainted with the work Kevin and his associates performed. He was an accomplished storyteller and took them from tears to laughter and back to tears. Caroline could see from Edie's face that mostly these were stories she had not heard before and was pleased that they could provide a venue for this mother to learn more about her son.

Friday evening had turned out to be one of the rare nights when Edie had a standing dinner with friends, business associates from before her retirement. She was loath to go but both Kevin and Kate urged her to keep her date, knowing how important the support of her friends was to their mother now she had so little of Alistair left to her. Kate invited Kevin to dine with them and as he and Kate had only had one afternoon to visit just between them he was glad to accept. Laurence had made plans to go out with his friends and was so disappointed to miss Kevin that he was ready to give his friends a pass but Caroline had insisted that he go out, wanting to give Kate this evening with her brother. Grudgingly, he left before Kevin arrived.

Kevin knocked and hearing the called out 'come in' had pushed the door open to find the two women in a peaceful family setting. Caroline was cooking tonight, working in the kitchen with her apron tied on and Kate seated at the piano playing whatever came to mind, whatever she thought would please Caroline. He choked up a bit and knew he would remember this scene many a hard lonely night, picturing Kate loved and happy in this beautiful home.

Caroline dropped her utensils and came to take his coat. Kate, walking with that cute waddle she had begun to develop as her pregnancy advanced, came smiling to greet him as well. Caroline urged them to go, sit and visit, enjoy the view from the window but they only went as far as the breakfast bar, watching her elegant figure move gracefully in the kitchen as they talked with her.

The simple family meal completed, they did all sit then, admiring the view over coffee. They talked of many things, parents, the boys, Kate's child and the dangers of her pregnancy, the courtship of Caroline and Kate and the reactions of family and co-workers. Kevin talked about his work, more openly this time without elders or children present. When Kate asked about his personal life, Kevin admitted that he'd had a few affairs, but with the demands of his work and the transiency of his stay at any one place these had died a natural death. He said he kept so busy that he didn't have time to think of such things very often but Kate could see that part of him envied her this home and her spouse and her child and her heart broke a little for him.

Before it got too late, Kevin took himself off, knowing Kate's need for rest and the excitements of the day ahead for both women. Goodbyes tonight were emotional. Even though they would all see one another tomorrow and Sunday the days would be crowded with loving family members and they knew this was their real goodbye.

Caroline had held Kate until she cried herself to sleep last night. She hoped these feelings would not carry over into today. Despite all of her grumbling about the wedding, she wanted nothing more than for this to be a very special day for Kate.


	37. Chapter 37

**The Wedding Day **

**Your So Predictable**

Caroline heard Kate's breathing change, then felt her begin to stir and tightened her arms, kissing the exposed patch of golden skin at the top of her spine. Hearing the "Mmmm" this garnered she began to caress the luscious round breast beneath which her hand had been tucked.

"Uh, uh, uh," Kate elbowed herself away. "Not on our wedding morning."

Attempting to move back in, "Your not going all traditional on me _now_, are you?"

Rolling away onto her other side to face Caroline, "No, just practical."

Unconvinced, "Practical. How?"

Rubbing sleep from her eyes, a charmingly youthful gesture, "No time. We've lots to do."

Grumping, "I've nothing to do until this evening. Gawd! Why didn't we schedule this for morning? We could have it finished and be away on our trip by noon."

Whispering now to the cinnamon spotted face that had moved in again, "Need I remind you, this was your idea?" The groaning lips got a peck before Kate, evading reaching hands, sat up and moved off the bed saying, "Besides, you _do_ have lots to do."

Pouting a little, blue eyes following Kate, "Such as?"

Pulling out garments as she talked, "While I am showering and dressing, you'll be sneaking into Will's room for your iPad, whether you disturb him or not, so you can check yet again on our reservations in Cornwall. Then after a cup of tea you'll go harass Laurence about the state of his room with company on the way. Once the boys are dressed you'll clean the family bath and be stomping back in here to see what's keeping me."

There had been attempted interruptions to these predictions like, "How did yo…, I don't… Well I…" finishing defiantly with a haughty, "I never stomp."

Smiling sweetly, "By the time I'm dressed and ready to go down to meet Margo, you'll be getting ready to have lunch with Celia, Muriel, Marta, Susan, Gillian and Ellie. By mid-afternoon I'll be back here taking the nap I promised you, my mother _and_ Kevin." With an arched eyebrow and a lifted chin, "I don't know what you will be doing with yourself then unless it is writing the vows you promised to make to me tonight when we're alone." By now Kate's naked and leaning in for one last kiss before she hightails it into the ensuite.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, obediently reaching only with her admiring face, "How do you do that?"

Hovering closer, "Dear Heart, you're just so predictable." And then, the kiss that doesn't end until all the clothing Kate had clutched to her is on the floor and her hands are pulling Caroline's shoulders in. Finally, sliding away with a little cry to press her face against Caroline's, both of them gasping, Kate breathes into Caroline's ear, "How do you do that?"

Through an failed attempt at a grin, "You're just so predictable, aren't you, My Brown Eyed Girl?"

The morning _had_ gone much as Kate predicted. By the time Caroline returned from her luncheon, the premium grocer she'd selected had delivered the cake, champagne, and punch. A rental firm had dropped off the tableware and glasses they would need for such a large family gathering. She had been very grateful when Alan had volunteered to stay at the suite with Emily Jane to accept these deliveries rather than join them for lunch, the boys being off on errands of their own at the time.

Seeing the Buttershaws and the Greenwoods off at the door shortly after their return from lunch, she had commandeered the boys to place Kate's best tablecloth on the dining table and arrange the cake, and tableware on the long sideboard and gave them instructions on serving guests after the ceremony. Ellie and Raf had agreed to help William and Laurence with the serving when the time came. These preparations made, she sent them off to the cinema.

For once Caroline was not making supper for anyone. The ceremony would not take long, an hour or so for cake and champagne, then the families could all go out to a late dinner on their own and she and Kate could be alone. She had a special meal planned for them to share right here in their home with one of the most romantic views anywhere around. They would spend the night here and set off on their trip to Penzance tomorrow. It seemed like forever since they'd had any extended time alone together; she was really looking forward to their trip.

Taking herself to her study, Caroline checked one last time before Kate arrived home from lunching with her family to be sure she had everything she would need in order to dress back here. She wanted Kate to have their room so she could rest right up until the last minute. The dress Caroline had purchased on the shopping trip with her Mum hung here in her study, pressed and ready. Everything else was in order as well.

Kate had been mainly correct, she hadn't written out the vows she'd promised to write to her. She had however, been composing them in odd moments, and had been refining them in her mind even just now in the kitchen preparing the punch. She sat down to her laptop, finding it easier to type these days than to write. When it was finished she hand wrote her vows on the special paper she had purchased so she could present it to Kate, a wedding gift, along with their trip to Cornwall.

Completing this, she stretched out on Will's bed to relax for a few minutes. Her mind naturally defaulted to thoughts of Kate. Pulling out her mobile she tapped out a message.

_Home yet?_

_Just._

_Sleeping?_

_Duh! __J__Just lying down now._

_What are you wearing?_

_Caroline! My mother is in the room._

_I want you._

_I want you more._

_Meet me in the passage?_

_Caroline!?_

_Pleeease?_

_Mum says turn off the mobile._

_:(_

_I love you. _

_I love you more._

Placing her mobile on the credenza Caroline tried to imagine the dress that Kate would not let her see until the wedding. For all their talk of not following tradition they seemed to be behaving very conventionally.

**The Plot**

Answering the door, Will found Celia and Alan, dressed for the wedding. "Granny, Alan, your back already?

"Shush! Where is your mother?"

In his normal voice but quietly since his Granny is whispering, "In her study, last time I looked. Do you want me to get her?"

NO!" Remembering to whisper, "No." Looking at Alan who is regarding her with his brows raised, _that_ expression on his face, saying nothing.

Seeing this exchange William wonders out loud, "What's happening?"

Celia grabs his elbow and moves further into the room toward the window, still whispering "Shush. I have a surprise for Caroline. Well, and Kate too." All this whispering intrigues Laurence so he comes to stand beside William but Celia is pushing them both toward the windows in the hope that their conversation will be less audible to the back rooms. "Shush! Caroline has ears like a hawk."

"Isn't that eyes like a hawk?" inquires Laurence receiving a swat to the shoulder and another push toward the window for his trouble.

Giving him the evil eye, "Whatever." Continuing to Will, "I have caterers arriving any time to set up for the meal."

William's totally puzzled, "I thought Mum said it was just cake and champagne after the wedding, then you were taking us out to a late dinner, you and Alan."

Discounting this, "I know. I know what she said but you can't have people coming from Leeds and wherever for a wedding and then not give them a meal."

Will's looking at Alan again. He raises his hands in defeat still silent. Facing his Granny down now, "I don't think Mum is going to like this. She's made these plans with Kate. You know she doesn't like it when things don't go according to plan."

Celia, knowing that Will is right and nervous but trying not to appear so, "She'll like it well enough. You can overdo this understated simplicity idea, you know."

Beginning to think this through, "How _exactly_ do you plan to carry this off?" Will sees Alan nodding his head sagely at this question, an eyebrow raised, just what he is wondering.

Conspiratorial now, "I've given the caterer strict instructions to be as quiet as church mice." Looking around, "I didn't realize how quiet it was going to be here though." Looking at Laurence, "Can't you put on some music or something?"

Patiently Laurence explains, "Gran, Mum is resting and Kate is trying to sleep just there," indicating the telly wall, "in their room with Edie."

Looking brighter, "Fine, fine, let's just keep them there shall we?"

Growing exasperated and increasingly fearful of his mother coming out to discover caterers and having a meltdown on this day of all days. "Gran! Mum is coming out any minute to shower in the hall bath since Kate is in their room. There is no way this is going to work."

Stubbornly, but with her nerves showing clearly, "Of course it will."

One last try, "Gran, you know she _does_ have a nose like a bloodhound. One whiff of cooked food and she'll be out here in a flash."

Thinking fast now, "Alright. Why don't you go send your Mum to the shower _now_. Alan can keep the caterers in the foyer when they arrive, until she goes back into the study. Then I'll go help her dress and keep her there until it is time for the ceremony."

Will and Laurence look at one another then to Alan for help. The poor man again raises his hands in defeat, "Sorry lads, I've lost this battle long ago." Turning he makes for the door to waylay the caterers happy to be well out of it.

Will is running this scenario in his mind to see if it can possibly work. Obviously, caterers are on their way and the last thing he wants is to have his Mum upset on her wedding day. "OK, I'll get her into the shower but the other thing is that the plan was for her to dress and just before the ceremony come to the front door. That's her starting point to meet Kate here in the middle. If she comes out and sees caterers she'll…" Words fail him now, he looks at his Granny pointedly, "Well, it won't be good and we both know that."

Celia, becoming even more anxious but conscious of time passing, "We'll just have to deal with it as it comes. Will, you go get Caroline, we'll discuss the rest when she's in the shower." Giving Laurence another dirty look, "I thought you were putting on some music! Find something soft… but not _too_ soft."

Rolling his eyes but well aware that there is nothing to do but follow instructions, Laurence moves off to comply, muttering to himself, "Soft but not too soft. What does that mean?"


	38. Chapter 38

**What Time is it?**

The next thing Caroline knew there was a tap at the door and she saw Will's sweet face peeking in.

Seeing his Mum's hand reaching out to him, Will closed the door, came in and sat on the bed.

Stifling a yawn, "What time is it?"

"Plenty of time. I knew you wouldn't want to be rushed today though." Smiling as he watched her poke another pillow behind her, "I remember the last time I woke you up and you asked me the time." Seeing that she remembered too, "When I first asked you about Kate. I was a little afraid to ask you such a thing but… I thought Dad already knew and I had to know too so I could protect you if I needed to."

Reaching out to touch his hair, "You were very clever. I've never quite recovered from that, you know. You putting it all together that way." Pulling him in for a hug, "I do love you. I know I don't say it often enough but I do." Releasing him to wipe away a tear.

"You _do_ say it Mum and I do know." Handing her the box of tissues, "Don't cry now, you'll just make your eyes red."

Laughing as she blotted away the tears, "I don't know if I'm ever going to get used to you being so grown up."

Grinning at her, "How about this, you take the first shower, I'll send Laurence, the cyclone, in after you and bring up the rear, leaving it ship shape before guests start arriving?" At her nod he started for the door, "By the way, my things are in Laurence's room so I won't be disturbing you. Shall I send Granny back when she gets here?"

Laughing softly, Caroline remarked, "I wouldn't want to see what was left of you if you tried to stop her."

Grinning at this, "I'll see you later, then."

Exiting the bathroom Caroline spies Will seated at the near end of the breakfast bar with a magazine, "You can send Laurence for his shower now, William."

"Right. I'll tell him your finished." Leaning back, watching her down the hall until he hears the door latch click, beckoning with his left hand to his Granny while calling loudly for his Mum's benefit, "Laurence, your turn in the shower."

Will, standing in the passage can hear Laurence in the shower on one side and voices in his Mum and Kate's room on the other, so he knows they are no longer napping by this time. Still with no real idea for how to change the plans on his Ma, he taps softly at the bedroom door.

Edie, a little surprised to find him there, "Yes Will?"

"I'm sorry Edie, I need to speak to Kate. To both of you. Would it be possible for me to come in for a minute?"

Seeing the desperation on his face, "Just a moment."

Standing at the closed door, Will can hear their quiet voices and hopes that Kate will take this as well as he thinks she might.

"Will? Come in." Kate watches as he glances nervously over each shoulder before entering. A little amused, she quirks one eyebrow and inquires, "Everything alright?"

Wringing his hands as he stands just inside the door, "Um, no. Not really."

Kate sees that Will's newfound maturity has deserted him for the moment and he is once again the boy who sang in her choir last year. Smiling reassuringly and pointing to the bench in front of her dressing table as she takes a seat beside Edie on the bed, "You'd better sit down and tell me about it."

Taking a deep breath, he blurts it out, "Granny has hired a caterer to serve a wedding dinner after the ceremony. They are in the kitchen now. Well, they are everywhere, rolling in extra tables and chairs, rearranging the sideboard…" Looking at Kate desperately, "It's too late to stop it now. If Mum sees this before the last minute when you two walk down the aisle there is going to be an explosion between Mum and Granny. And none of us wants that today."

Following this news Kate has exchanged a look with her Mum, searched the ceiling briefly and is once again regarding William, fingers over her mouth, eyes alight with suppressed laughter. This is so typically Celia and Caroline. Finally managing a fair amount of control, "OK. We'll need to make some adjustments. Caroline was going to start from the foyer. I'll start from the foyer instead and she can start from back here. Tell her that I changed my mind-"

Edie broke in, "No. Tell Caroline that _I_ wanted Kate to start at the door so her family could see her before the wedding." Confidently, "She won't defy me."

William could well believe it and being grateful for assistance on formulating a plan, quickly nodded his agreement.

Kate resumed, "Keep Caroline in the study until the very last second, _just_ as we are ready to begin. Can you do that?"

Looking uncertain, "Granny is supposed to go back to help her with her dress."

"Oh dear. Will that work do you think?"

Shrugging, William had no assurance to offer.

"OK. Well, keep an eye on them. Stay back there yourself if you need to." Smiling at him, "You alright?"

Grinning, "Better now." He gave Kate a quick hug and received a pat on the shoulder from Edie as she saw him to the door.

Caroline, in her slip, was seated at the desk when her Mum arrived. She continued to apply make-up, by the light of the desk lamp, looking into a mirror she had scrounged from the wardrobe and propped there, "Hi-ee."

"Hi love." Glancing around nervously, it is rather cramped back here isn't it?

"Oh, I don't know. Mostly when William is in here, I'm not and when I am, he's not." Seeing her mother agitated pacing, she said in her sweet calm voice, "Why don't you sit here in this chair? Kate likes to sit there and read while I work. She thinks it's very comfortable."

Celia perches on the edge of the chair, fidgets with the watch on her arm to see the time then jumps back up to continue pacing. Reassuringly, "Mum. There is plenty of time." Celia pauses to look out the window without replying. Becoming concerned, "Mum? What's wrong? What has you so restless?"

Turning back but not looking at Caroline, "Oh, I don't know, it isn't everyday that my only daughter gets married," she said defensively. Then looking at Caroline accusingly, "You're awfully calm, have you been drinking?"

Laughing, "No-oo. You know I haven't been drinking while Kate's pregnant. I just had a little nap and a talk with Will and it calmed me. I'm feeling more relaxed than I have all day."

"Well, I'm glad somebody is," Celia snapped.

Rising and taking Celia by the shoulders to look into her face, "Mum, it's going to be fine. Unless…" Seeing her mother still is not meeting her eyes Caroline moves in front of Celia's face to make her look at her. "Your not still upset about my marrying Kate?"

"No, no. Well, I mean it _is_ unusual and if it were a big church affair…" Seeing Caroline's expression, "but no, I quite _like_ Kate. It's not that."

Putting aside the other issue for now in the attempt to try to decipher her mother, "What then? You weren't like this before _your_ wedding."

Evading Caroline's gaze again, " Oh, I don't know. I'm just all keyed up today."

Not understanding but trying to help, "Look, where is Alan?"

Meeting her eyes now, "In the other room."

Reasonably, "Would you like to go out to be with him? Maybe you'd feel better."

Visibly brightening at this suggestion, then her face fell, "Well, but you'd be alone then. You shouldn't be alone now."

Humoring her, "Send one of the boys back if you think I need looking after."

Already at the door, "OK. I will." And she was gone.

Mystified, Caroline looked after her. The euphoria that had stolen over her following the nap hadn't dissipated yet and she didn't want to chase it away by trying to fathom what might be going on with her mother just now. Sitting down again she'd just completed the last touches to her make up when there was a tap at the door and Will slipped in closing the door as quickly as possible.

She smiled at him as he passed her a bottle of water, "Everything going alright out there?"

Sitting awkwardly on the edge of the chair so recently vacated by his Granny, "Yeah, yeah. Fine."

Sensing his nervousness Caroline looked at him sharply, "Your Granny seems to be overwrought tonight. What's going on with her do you think?"

"Oh, you know Granny," he said evasively. Standing quickly, "Mum, I've just thought of something I need to take care of, will you wait here?"

Reasonably, "William." Gesturing to body, "I'm in my slip. Where do you think I might be going?"

Looking at her again, "Right. OK. Fine."

"I'm going to need someone to help me with this dress if Granny isn't going to do it. Is Gillian here?"

"Gillian!" snapping upright, hand on the doorknob, "Brilliant. Yes, Gillian." Tipping his head toward the outer rooms, "I'll just nip out and get her." Again slipping through as small an opening as he could, with the hope that the smell of food will not make its way into the room, Will closed the door firmly behind him.

Caroline had heard the murmur of voices and soft laughter. Guests were arriving then. She wondered how Kate was fairing. She hoped people weren't being as daft to Kate as they were to her. Here was Gillian slipping through the door quickly.

"Hey there batman, what's the plan?"

Relieved, "Well, at least you're acting normally. For you."

"Well, I like that." With a grin, "I can leave then if you going to be cheeky."

"No, no. Sorry. It's just my Mum and even Will are acting weird." Confiding, "I was beginning to think I needed to go out and see what was happening."

Pooh-poohing that with a wave of her hand Gillian is looking around for the dress to find it on a hanger over the wardrobe door. "Just wedding jitters." Then, as if she has everyday experience with this, she adds, "They can come over the whole family that way sometimes." Admiring the dress, "It can be contagious." Taking the dress off the hanger and preparing to lower it over Caroline's head, "You doing alright?"

"Yes, I've been remarkably relaxed since I fell asleep for a few minutes this afternoon." Her voice has calmed again. Raising her arms for the dress then standing to let it fall.

"Oh, Caroline. _That_ is truly lovely. _You_ are truly lovely." Turning her to run the zip. "Who would have thought when we met just under a year ago, that I'd be standing here dropping a wedding dress over your head?"

Caroline turned back to Gillian with a warm smile, "We have come a long way since that day, haven't we?" The women hugged one another, gently for the sake of the dress, thinking of all that they had shared and overcome in the past year. From Alan and Celia going missing to organizing the second wedding of their parents. Today they wanted to think only of the happy moments.

Gillian pulled away first rubbing the side of her hand at an eye. "We'll both be blubbing in a minute. Can't have that. Your make-up is perfect."

Putting a steadying hand on Gillian's shoulder to step into her heels Caroline started for the door, "We had better go then. I'm meant to be standing in the foyer until they open the door when Kate is ready. We are going to walk from each end and meet in the middle before we turn and head toward Margo in front of the piano."

Quickly inserting herself between Caroline and the door, "Oops. Change in plan. Didn't I tell you?" Seeing the surprise on Caroline's face she dissembled rapidly, "Seems Kate's Mum thought it best if _she_ started from the foyer. Um, most of the guests are from her family and she wanted them to have a look at her before the ceremony."

Incredulous, her voice a trifle high, "You sure?" Looking baffled, "We've talked about this and Edie was fine with it before."

Shrugging, "I'm just the messenger, but they seemed very definite about it."

Her face softening then, "You've seen Kate? How does she look?"

Breathing again, "Radiant. Kate looks radiant. You both do." Anything to keep Caroline talking, gesturing at Caroline, "Where'd you find the dress?"

Waving dismissively, "Little shop downtown. Do you think Kate will like it?"

"I can promise you, _everyone_ is going to like that dress. Most especially Kate."

Another tap at the door, "Marta!" And they were in one another's arms.

"Oh Caroline, you look stunning. Listen, there are only a few minutes left but I wanted to come back and give you a hug before you got out there in the mob."

Holding her hands, "Marta, I'm so glad you could be here today, thank you for standing up for me."

Giving Caroline another quick hug, "I'm so pleased you asked me." Starting to turn, "Oh! Here are your flowers." Marta helps put the band on Caroline's wrist, "Blush pink roses, what a perfect choice with this dress." Standing back to admire the whole effect of Caroline again, then hurriedly, "Got to run, see you out there." Looking pointedly at Gillian, "You've got this?"

Gillian's reassuring hand on Marta's shoulder as she pushes her through the door, "Yep. All covered," tipping her head to have a look into the passage before closing the door.

Giving Gillian a hard look, "What was that meant to be about?"

Eyes innocently wide, "What?"

Starting across the room, her voice taking on the headmistress tone, "All right, I'm going out there to see exactly what is going on."

_To be continued_


	39. Chapter 39

Here you are my lovelies, you've been so much more than kind.

**There are Caterers in our kitchen**

_Holding her hands, "Marta, I'm so glad you could be here today, thank you for standing up for me."_

_Giving Caroline another quick hug, "I'm so pleased you asked me." Starting to turn, "Oh! Here are your flowers." Marta helps put the band on Caroline's wrist, "Blush pink roses, what a perfect choice with this dress." Standing back to admire the whole effect of Caroline again, then hurriedly, "Got to run, see you out there." Looking pointedly at Gillian, "You've got this?"_

_Gillian's reassuring hand on Marta's shoulder as she pushes her through the door, "Yep. All covered," tipping her head to have a look into the passage before closing the door._

_Giving Gillian a hard look, "What was that meant to be about?"_

_Eyes innocently wide, "What?"_

_Starting across the room, her voice rising into headmistress mode, "All right, I'm going out there to see exactly what is going on."_

Gillian, back to the doorknob, "No. NO! Too late, I just saw Kate heading for the foyer. It's almost time, Will is going to knock when they are ready." With that there is a rap at the door.

Under her breath, "There is a God." Relief evident on her face, Gillian opens the door to reveal William sporting a wide grin.

Will wraps long arms around his Mum and bends to kiss her cheek, "Mum. You look lovely. Are you ready?"

Accepting kisses from both of her boys she looks them up and down as mothers do to make sure their offspring are well turned out. With her love for them lighting her eyes Caroline pulls them in for another hug. "I can't believe I have two such grown up sons. You look beautiful, both of you."

Laurence gives her a disgusted look, "Mum, men don't look beautiful, that's for girls."

"No? Well, your both beautiful to me." Tears she doesn't want to shed are welling up, so with a hand on each shoulder she turns them saying, "Off you go then."

Waiting a beat and with a squeeze to Gillian's arm, Caroline steps out to the center of the passage and turns to see Kate facing her from the opposite end of the flat. She is so beautiful that Caroline stops abruptly. Kate's wearing a cream colored strapless gown that spreads in deep gathering folds generously from under the bust to pool slightly on the floor, longer yet behind her. It's lacy and gorgeous and perfect on Kate. Her lustrous hair swept up into a chic coif revealing delicate shoulders sweeping down demurely to a mere suggestion of breast. Her mother's pearls at her throat bring the look to absolute perfection. Kate's arms characteristically at her sides, blush roses on her wrist, she's managing to look totally natural standing there, waiting for her. Somehow she looks composed and vulnerable at the same time.

Kate, seeing Caroline move out into the soft light of the passage forgets to breath. Caroline is stunning in a slim ivory dress of some fabric that glimmers when she moves. The dress is exceptionally simple, yet the most elegantly beautiful thing she has ever seen, as is Caroline. Three quarter length sleeves, a rounded neckline only a few inches below her collarbone then the dress drops straight to the floor, cinctured at the waist with a silver band to match the strand of silver at her neck and the dangling earrings, all sparkling, even in the diffuse light of the passage. She's had her hair put up but the fringe curves gently above her moppet eyes.

After a long moment taking in one another's glory they continue to stand, eyes meeting across the distance. Only Kate is visible to the waiting families, all eyes are fixed on her, she is poised, even now, her features soft, a subtle smile on her lips. Years of performance experience sustain her tonight.

No one can see Caroline yet except Kate, and Gillian who remains inside the study. There she stands one foot slightly forward, blush roses on the wrist resting against her belt, the other arm down, curved naturally in at the hip, fingers lightly curled. Caroline's face is softly grave, eyes revealing her trepidation. Her lips wear that delicate defenseless smile that is only for Kate and which tends to be ever so slightly crooked, making her look so devastatingly exposed that Kate can barely remain in place. Then she realizes they no longer need to. Remembering to breathe, she gives an imperceptible nod to Caroline and watches the graceful form step out toward her.

Caroline, seeing Kate's nod, sets off matching her step to Kate's. Who knew the flat was this long.

So taken is Caroline with the vision of Kate moving to give herself to her that it isn't until she's reaching the end of the bedroom passage that the smell of cooking registers in her brain. Without turning her head Caroline's peripheral vision takes in black and white outfitted figures in her darkened kitchen, which is stacked with stainless steel lidded serving trays and other paraphernalia that hadn't been there when she left it such a short time ago.

Her smile freezes until she focuses on Kate again and sees her, chin down, eyes imploring her not to worry about it. She relents enough to renew her smile to Kate. At the middle of the large room Kate is waiting for her. Caroline stops just short of their bodies meeting. Left hand still at her middle, Caroline places her right hand just above Kate's hip. Very quietly so no one but Kate can hear, "_You_ are a glorious vision."

Kate inhaling shakily, "You are so magnificently elegant you take my breath away." Removing Caroline's hand from her waist and holding it in both of hers, "Would you like to marry me?"

Caroline's heart is in her eyes. For two beats, three, she is speechless. Then, tears welling, she swallows and says, "I would. Yes. Very much."

Drawing the hand she holds beneath her arm as they turn toward the windows, Kate clasps it again between her own two hands and Caroline's left hand comes to join them.

Both heads had swiveled as they turned so their eyes would not need to leave the other's face. Very softly, as they process unhurriedly, "There are caterers in our kitchen." She can see Kate's smile widen and her eyes crinkling the way they do just before she laughs.

"Mmm Hmm. Talk to your Mum."

"Oh I see." And she does. All the moving pieces fall into place.

On their incremental way toward Margo, who was flanked by Marta and Kevin, Caroline became aware of flashes of light. Through her smile, "There is a photographer here."

"Mmm Hmm."

"My Mother again?"

"No. Me. My wedding gift to you."

"Mmm. Thanks."

Detecting the gentle sarcasm, Kate's smile broadened, then looking directly into Caroline's eyes, "You _will_ thank me one day," just then another flash went off in their faces.

By this time they had reached Margo, who stood beaming at them, a twinkle in her eyes. Since she had heard some of this last exchange, she asked softly, "Are you quite finished ladies?" Caroline colored nicely and Kate blushed too. At their nods Margo intoned the opening.

So far neither woman had had a clear look at anyone else in the room, so involved were they with one another. The strains of _Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring_ playing softly had subconsciously added poignancy to their procession. It was a selection made by Kate from her CD collection, not an organ version such as she had played so often herself but the movingly beautiful strings and voices of Celtic Woman. She had created a playlist of quietly joyful music for the cake and champagne portion of the evening and enlisted Laurence as her music master.

Glancing surreptitiously, Caroline saw her Mum and Alan beside her, seated on chairs from the dining room. On the other side of Kate sat Edie and Alistair, then an older woman who had to be Edie's sister, sitting stiffly, back straight, eyes on Margo. She was pleased to see Alistair there. Nudging Kate and indicating with her glance, she saw that Kate already knew. They had hoped that the wedding day would be a good day for him, and now he was here, sitting quietly, his hand in Edie's. Vaguely she perceived the rest of their families gathered informally, seated on the couches and chairs of the room or standing in twos or threes here and there. By this time Margo was catching her eye and it was time for the vows.

Margo casually addressed the gathering, "Even though they didn't chose to have a church wedding, Kate and Caroline have chosen a prayer and vows from a version of the New Zealand Prayer Book of the Anglican faith. They have slightly modified them for this occasion, mainly because… I am not a priest." Pausing for the titter that ran through the room at her expression, "and because this is a same gender wedding." Margo looked from Kate to Caroline and back again, "They tell me that they found the prayer very fitting for the journey that has brought them together and for the continuation of that journey into their future. They also chose this prayer in recognition of the effect that all of us, as their family, will have on their life together." Then, in a more official voice, without haste, Margo read,

_We have come together to witness the marriage of Kate and Caroline and to bring them our love and support._

_They ask you now to pray for them; and not just to pray today or only in this place but to pray in your hearts continually and over the years._

_It is praying, their praying and ours, which will fulfill God's purposes for Kate and Caroline. Praying is an outlook, a sustained energy, which creates a marriage and makes love and forgiveness life-long._

_Eternal love never fails; _our_ love needs to forgive and be forgiven. As we pray and forgive we minister reconciliation. Those who marry are God's ministers to each other of reconciliation and change. As they grow together, spouses foster one another's strengths, they provide each other with the reassurance and love needed to overcome their weaknesses._

_From this beginning God draws them now to a completely new life. They become awake to each other, aware of each other, sensitive to each other's needs_

"Kate, Caroline, please face each other," Margo smiling at the lack of necessity for saying this since the two had remained standing arm in arm with their hands tightly clasped since their arrival before her, "join hands and make your vows to one another."

Caroline began, her eyes on Kate's, her voice natural and audible to the hushed room, she needed no prompting.

_Kate, I take you to be my wife. All that I have I offer you; what you have to give I gladly receive; wherever you go I will go. You are my love. God keep me true to you always and you to me._

Kate responded just as naturally and clearly, her eyes a bit moist but never leaving Caroline's.

_Caroline, I take you to be my wife. All that I have I offer you; what you have to give I gladly receive; wherever you go I will go. You are my love. God keep me true to you always and you to me._

After the exchange of rings, Margo invited the newlyweds to kiss one another. This they did, sweetly, to applause of the family as they closed in upon them.

Her Mum, of course, was the first to hug and kiss Caroline and feeling the need for the aforementioned forgiveness and reconciliation, began immediately to explain her motivations about the caterers. Caroline pulled her in for another hug whispering in her ear, "I'll deal with you later," before putting her firmly aside to hug Alan, then her boys.

As soon as everyone had greeted them the photographer took charge, arranging the couple in front of Kate's piano before the windows, which sported the new diaphanous draperies. While these covered the window and sparkled in the light of the room they did little to hide the marvelous view. After a number of shots of the bridal couple, the rest of the family was marshaled in and out of every possible permutation of relationship.

Photography completed at last, they were ushered by Marta and Kevin to the dining room where the chairs had been returned to their rightful places at the long heirloom table, set as beautifully as if the Queen would join them shortly. The bridal couple was seated side by side in the middle, facing the room. They were flanked by Celia and Edie with their husbands on either side of them and faced by Kevin, Marta, Margo and their husbands; and Edie's sister Chris, rather grimly surveying the proceedings.

Steaming plates of food were placed before Caroline and Kate but neither woman could later have told what was on her plate because she barely touched it. They were engaged by Margo and Marta competing to tell the funniest story on their cousin. Each storyteller was aided and abetted by a husband, long since adept at feeding straight lines to his witty wife.

If they'd had the time to look around the room Caroline and Kate would have been even more pleased than they already were to see their home filled with laughing loving family all having a grand time. This room tonight had come into its' own. The crystal chandelier cast a flattering light and was supplemented by multitudes of candles on the tables and sideboard. Lamps in the seating area were suitably soft for the occasion and even the kitchen lights had been dimmed to the minimum necessary for the caterers to serve the meal.

The open area that had yet to be filled with new furniture had been turned into an auxiliary dining room with the addition of some caterer's tables and chairs. These tables were set as lavishly as the bridal table and the conversation and laughter here rivaled the bridal table for conviviality.

TO BE CONTINUED


	40. Chapter 40

**Toasts and Dancing **

As the dinner drew to a close, Celia rose, she had things to say and they wouldn't be contained any longer. In her piping voice, adjusted to carry, "May I have your attention please." As conversation at the bridal table died away the auxiliary tables noticed and turned to see what was happening.

Celia, champagne glass in hand began, "A few weeks ago, Caroline made a speech at my wedding to Alan."

Caroline, her lips to Kate's ear, "Here we go." They exchange a glance and she can see that Kate too is apprehensive about what is coming next.

Celia is hitting her stride now, looking down at the daughter by her side, "I was a little fearful at what she might say about me but she was witty, charming and gracious, in short, her usual self." Seeing the wary look on Caroline's upturned face, "I'm not sure she is speaking to me tonight after I surprised her and Kate with this dinner when she was planning only cake and champagne." Laughter and clapping erupt in appreciation for the meal. "The thing is, after she told me that she'd asked Kate to marry her and that they were planning a wedding I began to think about this past year when they'd begun seeing one another. I wasn't very pleased with my own behavior and some of the things I'd said to them." Celia looked ruefully at the two women beside her. Caroline had moved her chair back and closer to Kate so that she could more easily see her mother.

"When I think back to the way things were for Caroline before Kate and now the woman she has become since the two of them reunited at Christmas… Well, I realize that I've never seen Caroline this happy before. She has always been brilliant, beautiful, capable, clever, successful." Her face softening as she gazes at her daughter, "Now, I see her here in their new flat, laughing, singing, being cheeky with the boys and I realize that the joy I see in her is all down to having Kate in her life."

Smiling at Kate, then at both, "So, I hope the two of you will not be too upset with me for barging in and changing your plans for this evening. I just wanted very badly to do something to show you that I truly _am_ happy for you and hope that every day of your future will be as happy as today." Raising her glass, "To my daughter, Caroline, and the love of her life, Kate." With that Celia moved to embrace them, kissing them each in turn before returning to her seat as the applause died down.

Kevin stood, "Kate, Caroline. I've only been home for a week but like Celia, I can see how truly happy the two of you make one another. I've seen the way you both care for Mum, I know that she can depend on you and that means quite a lot when I am so far from home. Caroline, it's clear that you are Kate's rock and I…" At the open mouth, taken aback look on Caroline's face as she blinks at Kevin, the room burst into laughter and Kevin, laughing at himself amended his remark, "Sorry Caroline, a very lovely, kind and thoughtful rock." At the comical tilt to her head and the nod to accept this accolade as only her due, Kevin grinned and went on, "It will warm my heart every night to know that Kate is safe and happy in the loving family home the two of you have made here with Caroline's fine sons. And I know that the new baby, Callie is it? Will only increase your joy. May your home always be as blessed as it is tonight with music, laughter, love, and family." Kevin rounded the table to kiss them each on the cheek as they stood to meet him. Then he pulled them both at once into a fierce embrace.

As Kevin returned to his place, Margo and Marta who, unbeknownst to the bridal pair, had long since taken charge of this affair, moved the happy couple on to cut the cake and made sure that it was duly photographed. This done, at a signal from Marta to Laurence the music changed from Kate's quiet wedding playlist to the opening strains of _Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow_ as sung by Roberta Flack.

During the cake cutting the caterers, with help from the guests, had removed the supplemental tables and chairs to the foyer and pushed the piano to the far end of the empty side of the room, creating plenty of space for dancing on the hardwood floor. Marta and Margo marshaled their charges to the center of this open space and before stepping back Marta said to them archly, "I know for a fact that the two of you know what to do from here."

Caroline had once again gone quite pink. Finding herself alone with Kate in the open and rapidly being ringed by their families, she gave Kate her bashful smile, chin down looking up into luminous brown eyes. It was Kate who once again took Caroline's hands, drawing her close, starting them off into the dance, placing slightly trembling hands on her waist as before, feeling again the pressure of those fingers against her as Caroline fitted them together.

They danced for a time, cheek to cheek, breathing in the other, deeply stirred by their nearness. With her cheek against Kate's and turning her mouth into Kate's ear so no one could even lip-read, Caroline whispered, "So, who are these people and _when_ are they going home?"

Eyes alight, turning her head to whisper back into Caroline's ear, "They all think you are very sexy, always whispering into my ear. If they only knew half of everything you've said was grizzling and complaining they wouldn't be so impressed."

Horrified Caroline pulled back, her eyes wide, "Oh Kate, its true."

To her surprise Kate's eyes were merry.

"C'mere," she murmured as she kissed Caroline. Once. Quite thoroughly.

Caroline had been so focused on Kate that she'd temporarily forgotten her surroundings and automatically opened her lips to receive Kate. This kiss, of course, brought a burst of applause from the smiling family surrounding them.

Hearing this, Caroline completed the kiss with an emphatic, "Dear God," and blushed even more profusely.

Kate, her face still amused, said in a sultry voice, "Caroline, you deserved that on oh so many levels."

Grateful for the dimness of the lighting, Caroline put her forehead against Kate's, feeling it was safest there. This way she wouldn't need to look at anyone but Kate.

The next song was also a slow tempo number and now other family members joined them on the floor.

Feeling less conspicuous now, Caroline raised her eyes to Kate's once more, looking up admiringly, "You're wearing heels tonight."

"Mmm Hmm. You've had your hair put up."

With a tilt of the head, "Slipped off to the hairdresser before lunch."

A leisurely encompassing look, "I like your hair up.

Blue eyes smoldering, "I know."

Cheek to cheek again and able to take in the room, Caroline signaled Kate to follow her gaze past Celia and Alan to Edie and Alistair dancing superbly together. As they moved around the floor the whole McKenzie family watched in admiration and joy. These kinds of moments were becoming more and more rare. Caroline had turned them so Kate could keep her parents in view and soon Kevin joined them and the three simply stood, Kate's arm around each of them, watching this touching sight.

When the music changed again it was a jitterbug tune and Alistair moved Edie smoothly through the transition. They were so good and the sight so special that everyone else moved to the sides to watch, afraid the moment would dissolve for this quiet gentle man that they all loved and missed. Sure enough as the music changed once more Alistair lost the thread and stood looking confused until Edie took his arm and led him to find a seat where they could watch the dancers. Slowly the family group went back to dancing, many after wiping away a tear or two.

Kate and Caroline followed Edie and Alistair to the seating area and sat talking with them and Kate's Aunt Chris, Uncle Donald and Aunt Sylvia for a time. At the next ballad, Kate stood and took her father's hand saying, "Will you dance with me, Daddy?" Looking up at her he rose, "You are a beautiful bride." It wasn't clear if he knew who she was but he took her into his arms and danced with her on the spot. Caroline took Edie's hand and Kevin was behind his mother, hands on her shoulders. Once again the McKenzie's were aware of the development and without intruding, quietly observed remembering happier days and glad for these moments.

A short time later carers from the residential home arrived to take Alistair back as arranged. Kevin and Edie went with him to the car after his brothers came to shake his hand. The others held off for fear of upsetting him somehow. Caroline stood with her arm around Kate watching them through the door wondering if this were the way the evening would end.

Margo and Graham joined them to hug and kiss Kate, knowing she was saddened by the departure of her Dad. Then Graham led Kate onto the dance floor and Alan appeared to claim Caroline. For the next hour the two only glimpsed one another as one by one the men of both families danced first with one and then the other. These thoughtful men made sure that Edie, who dearly loved to dance, was never without a partner if she wanted one, once she and Kevin returned from seeing Alistair off, or Chris or Muriel either for that matter.

Celia and Alan danced together and with others until Alan tired and went in search of a chair and a drink. Finishing a dance with Donald just as another jitterbug tune began, Celia thanked him as they parted and spied Muriel on the window seat watching the dancers. She said to her sister, "We used to jitterbug together quite well when we were young. How about it old girl?"

Bristling as she rose, Muriel retorted testily, "Who are you calling an old girl? You're older than I am." Soon they were being applauded and urged on by the other dancers, one sister enjoying the attention more than the other. Coming to a stop near Caroline and Kate when the tune ended, they were both a little out of breath as they paused there. Seeing the amused look on Caroline's face Celia said roguishly, "We _are_ at a gay wedding, you know. I can dance with my sister if I want." With an airy wave of her hand, "When in Rome and all that."

Caroline couldn't hold her laughter back then. "Oh Mum, you are one of a kind," as she hugged first Celia then Muriel.

Kevin came to pull Kate onto the floor and they danced the next two rock and roll tunes in spite of Kate's advancing state of pregnancy.

Gillian and Robbie joined Caroline, watching the brother and sister dance. "Caroline, it looks like you are going to have to up your game to keep Kate."

Smirking at Gillian, "Maybe, but she _is_ going to pay for that in the morning."

**Are you having a good time?**

As the night wore on the older family members drifted to the comfort of the seating area and those still dancing perched from time to time on the long window seat, which tonight served as a gallery. They would rest briefly enjoying refreshment from the bar the caterers had set up on the sideboard or with cake served from the dining table then rejoin the family throng sure to find a willing partner.

Kate, needing to get off her feet, declined her cousin Scotty's bid for the next dance so he reluctantly deposited her on the cushioned window seat as she urged him to rejoin the dancers rather than sit out with her. Kate sat alone for only a few minutes before Margo arrived, offering her a glass of orange. "How are you holding up?"

Smiling her thanks to Margo, "Fine, I feel really well. Mum and I stretched out for a while this afternoon and had a good rest. Nodding toward where her mother danced energetically with Uncle Gordon, Kate laughed, "She's putting that rest to good use now."

Kate's gaze moved back to follow Caroline, now dancing with Kevin. He was a good dancer with a reputation in the family for exuberance, jumping and jiving in fine style to the Pointer Sisters' _Jump for my Love_, trying to get Caroline to imitate his moves. Gamely trying, she became consumed with laughter at his antics and began to lose her balance. Quickly Kevin reached out for her elbows pulling her upright.

Margo followed Kate's gaze and both women watched as Caroline, still held by an elbow, her hand gripping Kevin's arm for balance lifted a shapely leg to show Kevin her footwear as an excuse for her failure to keep up with him. A pang went through Kate. Amazed at herself, she was actually jealous of her brother dancing with Caroline, of his being the one to reach out for her, have that laughing face so close.

Margo observing Kate saw something of this on her face. "She is very lovely, your Caroline."

Meeting Margo's eyes and seeing that she had been caught; Kate blushed and tried a smile to recover. "Yes, she is. I'm very lucky."

Regarding her favorite cousin, Margo said, "I'd say your both very lucky."

Margo, seeing that she had been forgotten, watched Kate watching Caroline whose hand had been taken by Graham guiding her into the next dance while throwing a comment over his shoulder at his wife's cousin that made the rest of the family laugh and Kevin clutch his heart in mock pain. Caroline, now needing only to follow Graham's lead was free to search the room for Kate. Finding her on the window seat with Margo, she mouthed, "You all right?" as she gestured the question whether Kate wanted her to come over. Her eyes shining with happiness at Caroline's attention, Kate waved for her to continue dancing. Unable to look away as the dancers rotated past revealing constellations of freckles down Caroline's spine, framed by the dipping border of the ivory dress. Her only consolation was that Graham guided his partner with his sleeve against her ribcage rather than a hand on her skin.

As other dancers obscured her view of Caroline Margo gestured toward Kevin taking Celia by the hand to lead her gracefully into the dance. Always ready for dancing, Celia was obviously surprised by Kevin's skill at traditional dancing. It wasn't long before she was thoroughly enjoying herself as he spun her about. Margo and Kate both laughed over the feisty Celia so completely won over by the McKenzie charm. Following Kate's gaze as it moved inevitably back to Caroline, Margo said softly, "You love her very much don't you?"

Eyes still on Caroline, "More than I could ever say."

Margo covered her hand and said, "You don't need to. It's clearly written on your face." Putting an arm around Kate's shoulders, "I'm very happy for you, you know."

"I know." Tears welling up, "Thank you for being here tonight to marry us. I wouldn't have wanted anyone else."

Patting Kate's hand and sitting up straight again in an effort not to cry, "I wouldn't have been anywhere else."

As Margo knew it would, Kate's eye traveled again until it rested on Caroline who was discreetly waving to her. She found herself thinking, "Dear God, please don't let anything happen to either one of these two. I don't know what we would do with the other one. It's hard enough watching Aunt Edie and Uncle Alistair go through this long goodbye.

As the music changed again, Graham and Caroline came to join them, Graham drew his wife into the next dance and Caroline dropped down beside Kate.

Still a touch jealous, "You seem to be having quite a good time."

Catching the tone, Caroline looked at her quickly, a little worried, "You did want me to, didn't you?"

Letting her eyes rove the flushed face, freckles peering through make up after an evening of dancing, "Yes, but not quite so much fun with someone who isn't me."

Turning in her seat and putting fingers on the downcast face, "Oh, My Brown Eyed Girl, I'm never having as much fun with someone who isn't you as I do when I _am_ with you. You _know_ that don't you?" Her only answer being reproachful eyes, Caroline laid sweet soft lips on Kate's, lingering to whisper again, "When _are_ all of these people going home?"

At last she found the love light back in brown eyes even if the smile was reluctant.

Side by side, leaning their heads together watching their families dance or sit in groups talking, the two were pleased to have this quiet moment together. At the first notes of the next song, Caroline stood taking Kate's hand with her. "Would you like to dance?"

Kate stood with a pleased smile, thrilled that Caroline was asking her, "I'd love to." This time it was Caroline who led Kate by the hand to the dance floor and spinning her away then back, drew a breathless Kate into her arms, maneuvering them into step together. Blinking in surprise, Kate looked down into Caroline's eyes, "Why Dr. McKenzie-Elliot!"

Lifting her chin a bit, "You didn't think I was totally lacking in the social graces, did you?"

Softly, eyes sparkling, "Never."

Seeing in Kate's eyes the admiration that never failed to go right through her, Caroline's reticence dropped away and she tenderly, sweetly and at length kissed the trembling woman in her arms. Many in the room observed this but no one reacted unless it was the spouses who were dancing together to pull one another in a little closer at this touching sight. When the kiss ended, Caroline laid her cheek against Kate's and softly crooned the words of the song into her ear. She smiled through the words when she heard the sound Kate breathed, evidence of the effect this was having on her and drew her as close as the expectant form would allow.

When this dance ended, Uncle Donald and Aunt Sylvia were at their elbow to take their leave. Seeing this everyone realized the hour and began preparing to depart. As Caroline and Kate received final congratulations and well wishes from the older McKenzie's, at Margo and Marta's instigation, others of the party began to tidy the room. They whisked away empty glasses and plates of half eaten cake, drew dining chairs back to their place at the table and returned the rest of the furniture to its rightful home. By the time only Edie and Kevin, Celia, Alan and the boys remained their home looked much as it always did.

After warm goodbyes all around and a last kiss for each Caroline and Kate, Kevin took Edie home and Caroline turned to look speculatively at her Mum. Seeing Celia open her mouth to begin defending herself, Caroline took her into a fierce hug saying, "I do love you, you know. Thank you for saying what you did in your speech." Pushing her back by the shoulders "We _will_ talk later," but she couldn't manage to keep the smile of love and gratitude from her face. Hugging Alan and the boys in turn, "You'll all be fine?"

Alan assured her, "Yes, we'll be fine. The boys put their bags into the boot of our car this afternoon. William will drive us back to the farm and" pulling Celia's arm through his, "my wife and I will sit in the back and snog all the way to Halifax."

"Eeewww! Too much information!" wailed Laurence as he opened the door wide urging them out before it became any more graphic. Once the laughing group were all in the foyer waiting for the lift, Laurence turned back to hug his Mum. "I love you, Ma. I do want you to be happy." Tuning to Kate he hugged her as well, pulling back he gave her an unreadable look and sprinted for the closing lift door.

Once the lift was away, Kate and Caroline closed the door and were totally alone in the flat for the first time today. Facing one another, as close as it was possible for them to press these days. Unconsciously beginning to sway to the soft music. Eyes drinking in details of one another that they hadn't been free to discover fully until now.

TO BE CONTINUED


	41. Chapter 41

_Thank you all for sharing your enjoyment of the story. Your gracious comments keep me striving to give you my best. _

**The Wedding Night**

_Once the lift was away, they closed the door and were totally alone in the flat for the first time today. Facing one another, as close as was possible these days. Unconsciously beginning to sway to the soft music. Eyes drinking in details of one another that they hadn't been free to discover fully until now._

Held in thrall by the intensity of blue blue eyes so incredibly close Kate felt flush, her body swayed too far and she felt Caroline's arms bring her back. Breathing in raggedly, magnetized, Kate bends her head, tilting it until their lips barely meet. As always, Caroline's lips have parted to receive her but as quickly as they kiss she pulls away. It's too soon. Kissing carries them too far, too fast. Too fast for tonight.

Caroline's gaze drifts from Kate's mouth to her arched neck, the tender throat, the delicate flesh of shoulder and breast. "Oh Kate, there aren't words for the way you make me feel at the sight of you." Beginning just behind the ear, eliciting a tiny gasping cry. Kisses that are mere whispers descend, deliberately incremental. Producing a mutual keening desire, stretching it taut, moving intently toward the culmination of an evening of restraint spent within sight and sound of one another's magnificence.

Fingering the silver necklace just above the hollow at Caroline's throat Kate's head tips back to delight in soft lips grazing her skin. Unable to contain a moan of pleasure, lightheaded again and clinging to Caroline for balance, the two of them still swaying in this most precious dance of love.

As Caroline's lips reach the tip of her shoulder, Kate's fingers find the soft skin of Caroline's back, smoothing warm flesh revealed by the low dip of the ivory dress, tracing against velvet skin to the hairline and on to adjust the beloved face to hers, into a kiss so soft, so tender it generates indescribable sounds from each to make them ache, a sweet agony that absorbs oxygen until there is no choice but to break, tingling and panting, hands resume skimming bare flesh.

Through labored breathing, "I never knew it could be like this. I think my heart might stop beating if you let go of me now."

"I'm never letting go of you Caroline. I couldn't bear to let you go."

Lips rising to a shell like ear, "I want you. I lust for you. I desire you."

Breathing out another barely audible sound of pleasure as Caroline's lips once again begin beneath her ear, "Oh Caroline… I'm too weak to bear this again if I have to keep standing."

Caroline searches Kate's body for her arms, drawing her hands down the length of them until she takes the slender fingers. Stepping back, trying to commit to memory this sight of Kate dressed for their wedding. The cream of the dress against skin so mellow and warm in the muted lamplight, her sophisticated elegance, the love in her eyes.

Kate's covetous brown eyes are memorizing the womanly appeal of the form beneath the flattering ivory gown, the glimmering sparkling elegance that is Caroline. She is exulting in the flush of excitement and passion beneath translucent skin, finds the sight unutterably devastating. Against her will the penetrating blue eyes arrest her gaze holding it hostage unwilling to release her eyes.

Taking a half step back, allowing the pianist fingers to slip unhurriedly through her grasp until it is fingers holding fingers, taking another half step back and another, drawing her until Kate follows slowly, brown eyes escaping blue repeatedly to gaze at the retreating figure, only to be retaken. Exhilaratingly, unbearably delicious this reversal of the path trod earlier.

Beside the bed, Kate advances, fingertips gliding to find ribs concealed in ivory, sliding back to the zip, running it unhurriedly, finding their way to the waist, tracing up to the tips of the shoulders, deliberately grazing the sides of the breasts in passing, hearing the quickened breath of response. Incrementally lowering the glimmering fabric to expose luscious flesh but not enough not nearly enough. Yet.

And so, the discipline of slower is faster. Loitering, lingeringly with meticulous attention they undress one another. Finally, naked and weak with sensation Caroline gently lowers Kate to the bed and bends to raise her feet onto the edge before following to straddle her, curving around the baby, a nucleus for their life together. Continuing to make excruciatingly unhurried, tender love to one another with tears and trembling until, overcome with emotional exhaustion, they slept.

**Remembering**

Kate woke first in the morning, unable to sleep longer due to the baby's movement within and the urgency of her bladder. Easing herself out of the bed, not wanting to wake Caroline so early, she made her way to the loo and on her return saw that Caroline, without herself to lean against was now on her stomach, in the middle of the bed, arms reaching under the pillow, her hair, sensuously unpinned by Kate last night now spread around her like a bright aura. Thankful that they had chosen such a large bed, Kate slipped in, folding her pillow beneath her head for a good view of the soundly sleeping beauty who had not stirred at her return.

Kate studied the effect of the watery early morning light on the tiny hairs of Caroline's arms, moving on to the shoulders peeking from beneath the duvet and to the face that she hoped would always make her heart skip a beat like this, a face so peaceful in repose, bearing the relaxed Mona Lisa smile she often wore in sleep these days. Kate recalled the evening before and Caroline's face as she had first glimpsed her leaving the study to stand in the passage looking back at her. The look of sheer exposure and defenselessness that could come over her so unexpectedly was there as Caroline had met her eyes. After that nothing mattered except the two of them. Even the caterer/photographer conversation was simply cover for the unbearably sweet communion of giving themselves to one another. A shield to keep the others from seeing how deeply moved they were, each so very conscious of the vibrations oscillating between them.

Other memories of Caroline last night came to her. The grace with which she had moved down the passage, the line of those exquisite legs moving the dress as she walked, that long slender hand at her middle the other moving gently by her side, the curve of fringe above her eyes. It had been all she could do to hold her pace, not let it be over too soon.

Caroline reaching for her hand over and over again as their families had gathered around them immediately after the ceremony. Whenever anyone released her, Caroline had pressed the back of her fingers against Kate's leg confident that when Kate's hand was free it would come to rest in hers, clasping it tightly until the next time one or the other had had to drop hands for the next embrace of a well-wisher.

The two of them seated at Grandmother McKenzie's long table, thigh to thigh, laughing at Margo and Marta, exchanging glances, clasping hands and forgetting to eat. Caroline's eyes on her as she danced with Dad.

Trying to think of something that wouldn't make her tearful, Caroline on the dance floor with Uncle Donald, laughing and actually making him blush, what on earth had she said to him? Caroline across the circle of cousins dancing to a rowdy rock and roll tune, eyes on her as hers were on Caroline. Caroline whisked off at the end of that dance by Scottie as Uncle Gordon commandeered her.

Caroline dancing with Will, following his direction of her gaze to the corner to see Laurence at the sound system busily preparing the next songs as he talked and laughed with Kirsty, Douglas and Kim. Telling her how they had been working out the music that afternoon with Alan.

Caroline's face when Celia stood to deliver her toast, priceless.

She'd been pleased at Caroline's gradual relaxation into the mood of a family party rather than a social ordeal to be endured. Her cousins had been a great help, dancing with her, making her laugh. That was the magic for Caroline, getting her to laugh. When she laughed she seemed a different person, younger, girlish even.

Comparing the laughing Caroline from last night to the Dr. Elliot she'd spotted in the corridors during the autumn term it saddened her to think of how deeply unhappy they had both been. How very grateful she was that it had worked out between them so well.

Last night it had been delightful to watch her laughing so hard that Kevin had to hold her upright, to watch them having such a good time together. She'd been more than a little worried about the meeting between these two. They could each be very intense; it might not have turned out as it had. Of course, Kevin had the McKenzie charm and it hadn't hurt that Mum clearly liked Caroline.

In a way, she was glad that she'd had to sit out some dances to rest. It had given her an opportunity to experience the evening differently than if she had been danced off her feet as Caroline had been. She'd had a chance to watch the younger set dashing from the sound system controls to the dance floor and back again. Conferring with one another on what the next song should be and whose play list they would use or scrabbling through her CD collection to find something they wanted. They had quickly gotten beyond any shyness, building on their acquaintance at last Sunday's luncheon. Raf and Ellie had seemed to fit in as well.

It had been like old times to see her parents sitting on the sofa chatting with the aunts and uncles as they had used to do for so many years, visiting back and forth in one another's homes. Even if her Dad wasn't fully aware of who they were or where he was, at least they were all together again for one evening, naturally, in the family setting. She'd caught Mum's eye once, they hadn't held the look for long or they would both have been in tears but they had shared that moment of bittersweet happiness.

In fact, it had been lovely to have her whole family together in one room, especially with Kevin home. In recent years the family gathering points had remained fixed, holidays and birthdays but more and more often in their busy lives one or another of the cousin families would have commitments that prevented them from attending this or that event and it had become increasingly rare that they were all together at once.

Fingering the hair away from Caroline's face, waiting impatiently for those arresting eyes to open and animate the gorgeous face. She didn't want to wake her before it was necessary, knowing that Caroline would insist upon driving the whole way to Oxford herself but Kate wished Caroline _would_ wake. She was missing her even though she lay right beside her, Caroline was never fully present unless those intelligent blue eyes were open.

Oh the intensity of those mesmerizing blue eyes as they'd made promises to her. Tears welled even now. This lovely face, eyes brimming in turn when she'd made her promises to Caroline. Their fingers pressuring one another while Margo said the words that married them. Vows! Somehow last night they hadn't gotten around to making the personal vows they'd written, so enthralled with one another that words had become unnecessary by then. She wondered briefly what Caroline had written, then teeming memories of the tenderness of the night before flooded back and erased the thought.

**It was a Lovely Affair**

"They'll be here in just over an hour."

Eyes meeting, "Unless Celia arrives early which she _has_ made a habit of doing lately." Concerned, "Isn't this quite a lot of driving for Celia and Alan?"

Giving a half shrug, "William drove them home last night and he'll likely drive this morning as well." Too mellow to be really indignant, "Anyway, originally they _were_ meant to be off much earlier after the wedding than 1:00am weren't they?"

Giving her a slightly reproving look, "You _are_ going to let Celia off the hook about the dinner aren't you? After the lovely affair it turned out to be?" Pulling Caroline down beside her on the edge of the bed she's just made, "She did mean well."

Giving Kate a wry look, "When I said you were in charge of my Mum from now on I hardly thought you'd be pleading her case to me."

With a chuckle, "No." Then continuing distractedly, the smile fading as her attention becomes more focused on the face so near, fresh from the shower, unable to look away from thrilling blue eyes. "Odd the way things turn out sometimes." The two gazed on for a time only half focused on recalling their ups and downs with Celia. "The thing is, if she hadn't called me and started right in telling all the 'news' when she asked me to play for her wedding, I don't know that I would have agreed to do it. And if I hadn't…"

Eyes twinkling but lips trying to conceal the smile, "You really are pleading her case aren't you?"

Giving out her adoring smile, "She's your Mum, you'll know what's best," unknowingly echoing Celia's words to Caroline about her on Christmas night. With a kiss to a freckled nose because she dare not kiss the parted lips given their time constraints, Kate rose to finish packing her bag.

Picking up the thread again now that Kate's moved away, "Well, they have the boys and since we're taking William back to Oxford and Laurence is being picked up here by Felicity and Angus there is no choice now. Impishly, "Besides they'll want another look at us after last night."

"What do you mean 'after last night'?"

"Well, you are right, it did turn into quite a lovely affair didn't it? They'll want to see if we are still as glamorous today as we were the last time they saw us."

Gliding in and laying her lips beside Caroline's ear Kate says softly, "You were certainly glamorous in your haute couture gown."

Moving to place a sweet kiss, then gently but firmly putting Kate away from her with a deep sigh, Caroline said with a regretful tip of her head, "You know you can't start that now." Turning resolutely back to her suitcase, she scoffed, "Haute couture. Off the rack at Rodgers more like."

Kate, sitting with her back to the dressing table still attentively following the progress of the lingerie clad figure moving about the room. Dreamily, "On you it certainly looked haute couture."

Straightening to regard Kate ruefully, "You only say things like that to make me blush."

Merry eyes tinged with lust, "It works too."

Moving in on the seated figure, "The only haute couture in this house last night was you." Eyeing the shoulders concealed by the russet colored dress and jumper combination, "You were devastating in that off the shoulder number. I can't tell you how many times I barely stopped myself from leaning in to kiss you just there, indicating the point of attraction with a kiss.

Face upturned, pleased, "Did you?" Then, becoming sultry, "Why didn't you?"

"I didn't think my nervous system could take the strain. Not to mention my Mum or your Auntie Chris." Face suspended above, "Seemed like we were already quite the focal point."

Reaching with her face, "Isn't that what the wedding couple is supposed to be?"


	42. Chapter 42

**Hello and Goodbye**

"Laurence, why did you ring the bell? You have your key.

Grinning as he followed his Granny through the door behind Laurence, William reminded her, "For now at least this is the honeymoon suite, you know."

Scoffing, "They've been living together now for over a month! Honeymo-" Catching sight of Caroline supported by the sink counter her arms around Kate leaning against her. Oh, for pity's sake Caroline, in the kitchen?!"

Restraining Kate to remain as they are, "Hello Mum." Pointedly, "Fine thanks, and you?"

Alan, buffering Celia's grouch with his kind cheerfulness, "Good morning, I hope we aren't too early. Somehow we always seem to wake up earlier at the farm."

By now the newlyweds have come around to hug and kiss everyone, "Not at all, we were just putting the caterer's leftovers into the oven for lunch. They were very generous, looks like there might be enough for another meal at the farm too. Caroline, weight on one foot, a hand on the corner of the breakfast bar where her mother has found a seat at the far end, stood regarding Celia meaningfully, "So, going behind my back?"

Alan, standing beside Celia's stool, opens his mouth to make peace until he sees what Celia does not, Kate's amused face and twinkling eyes behind Caroline and he knows its going to be alright, Caroline is having her mother on.

Defensively, "I just wanted to do something for the two of you. Traditionally the parents of the bride _do_ put on the wedding, you know." Looking away from her accuser and continuing on, slightly irate in her confusion, "Though I don't know which of you was the bride or who is responsible for what in a case like this." Then trailing off as she looks back and sees Caroline's genuine smile, full of love for her, "Anyway, I just wanted to…"

Caroline has reached her now, bending to give her a warm hug, "I know you did. Thank you. It turned out beautifully. It was truly wonderful. Everyone had a lovely time," reaching for Kate's hand beside her, "_we_ had a lovely time."

Kate took Caroline's place and hugged Celia too. "Thank you Celia, it was a generous and thoughtful thing to do."

Still defending herself, too many days of anxiety and consternation in her wake to be nullified by a couple of hugs, "Well, you can't invite people to a wedding and only give them cake, can you? Not after the lovely time we had with the McKenzie's last Sunday."

Caroline had seated Kate beside her mother and gone back inside the kitchen to pull cold food from the refrigerator to place buffet style on the dining room side of the breakfast bar. Looking pointedly at her mother, "But you already had the caterer hired before Sunday didn't you?"

"And very glad I had," retorted Celia.

At the ring of the bell Kate greeted her mother and Kevin, come as arranged for a last visit before Kevin's train left that afternoon. The conversation turned general as the meal was prepared and served. Once at table the conspirators regaled Caroline with the progression of events in the early evening of yesterday, clearly delighted with themselves for having carried off the surprise and averting a scene between her and Celia. Caroline is trying to pretend to be put out with them but is clearly enjoying the story and having the gaps filled between the bits she already knows.

When the bell rang again, it was Felicity and Angus for Laurence, who was spending the week with them at Felicity's parents home. Accepting a cup of tea as the boys were dispatched to take everyone's luggage to the appropriate vehicles, she told of her mother's recent decline in health and the purpose of her visit to go with her mother to a new consultant and take up some of the slack in the housekeeping. She assured Caroline that Laurence's presence would help to occupy Angus and they would both be company for her father.

Suddenly, it was time for all of them to go. Kissing Laurence goodbye until his return on Saturday, Caroline turned to help the others package up the remains of the food for Celia and Alan to take to the farm. Kate and Kevin had a few minutes to themselves on the window seat, not knowing when they might be together next. Finally, helping him and Edie on with their coats, Kate said a tearful goodbye to her twin and hugged him hard then she and her mother held one another for a long moment each missing Kevin already.

William accompanied Celia and Alan to their car after they had said their goodbyes to Caroline and Kate, carrying the food packages for them. Closing the door behind them, Caroline turned to Kate, taking her into her arms to comfort her on the departure of her brother and the uncertainty into which he traveled every day.

After a visit to the loo and a stop to repair the damage to her makeup, Kate allowed Caroline to help her on with her coat so they could go down to join William at the Jeep for the first leg of their honeymoon journey. They were going as far as Oxford today, taking a hotel room there and attending a musical revue in which both William and Roxy were performing. They would get to meet Roxy's parents at dinner tonight and then attend the revue with them.

At the car, Kate offered to sit in the back aware of William's propensity for carsickness. The talk once again turned to the wedding and the events of the night before. Without Celia present it came out that in fact once Celia left Caroline's study she had been so overcome by anxiety that Alan had had to take her for a walk to calm her down. Margo and Marta had arrived minutes apart to find the caterer's going demented for lack of direction so the two had taken charge. After a consultation that included the boys and Edie they quickly laid a plan for the auxiliary tables, marshalling their families to help the caterer's as time was now of the essence.

Margo had talked with Kate and they discussed the photographer, who would arrive shortly, and she had agreed to Margo's suggestions about moving the piano to make room for dancing. Kate told her that Laurence was well able to operate her sound system and knew how to find music in her CD collection and offered her mobile for its playlist. Thus Margo and Marta had become the wedding organizers assuring that the details for the rest of the evening went smoothly.

They talked of the skillful job Laurence had done keeping the music going all evening with a little coaching assistance from Margo's son-in-law, Jason Hughes, who it turned out had worked as a DJ during his university days.

Of Kate's Auntie Chris showing up at all and then unbending enough to dance with the Mackenzie men, one dance each, doled out as a favor to those intrepid enough to ask her. Of Amanda and Gerald, her children who had left spouses and children at home to accompany their difficult mother north for the wedding and an opportunity to see their cousins Kate and Kevin again. They had joined in the festivities wholeheartedly, covering their mother's lack of enthusiasm wherever they could.

The trio reminisced about Celia, Alan and Edie holding an impromptu jitterbug class for the younger set while their parents sat on breakfast bar stools drawn to the edge of the dancing area, drinks in hand, taking a break or milling about talking and watching or stepping in from time to time to assist. Remembered again the touching sight of Kate's parents dancing, of Uncle Donald being coaxed into a watusi by Auntie Eileen at the end of their sedate foxtrot. The three laughed and talked of the wedding all the way to Sheffield where they made a rest stop.

Once in the car again, Kate, tired of sitting forward to hear the conversation over the road noise in the car sat back and soon found herself drowsing as William regaled them with tales of university life. Making use of the pillows and blanket Caroline had thoughtfully provided she made herself comfortable and was soon soundly sleeping, a hand captivatingly under her cheek when Caroline glanced over her shoulder.

When Will's stories ran out the two drove in companionable silence for a time, watching the scenery, enjoying the quiet after so much excitement. Will, craning around the back of his seat at the sleeping Kate turned back to his Ma, "Is Kate OK?"

Glancing at him, "Yes, it's helped that she is only teaching part time now."

Gravely, "Laurence said something about blood pressure. Is that…?"

Seeing his concern, "It is still a little elevated but the doctor is monitoring it. He doesn't seem _overly_ concerned just now so I try not to be either." Another glance over her shoulder, love and unease on her face, she said softly, "We try to save her all we can. Let her rest."

"And the baby is due when?"

"End of March, six weeks time."

Looking at her closely, "How are you doing?"

Giving him a sharp look to find the mature William who was no longer a child to be evaded regarding her, Caroline all at once felt off balance with her son. Slowly, "Um, I'm concerned about Kate's health, she could end up on bed rest before the time comes. I worry if everything will go all right for her. She has waited so long to have a child. I just want her and Callie to be healthy and happy."

"Callie, is that what you are calling her?"

Giving him another searching look, "Didn't Laurence tell you? It would seem he's keeping you fairly well informed."

Smiling, "You don't mind do you? I think it helps him to talk about things."

Suspicious, "Things?"

Grinning, "Well, he is living alone with the honeymooners, isn't he?"

Chagrinned, "Is that what he's told you? What does he say?"

Reassuring her, "He's OK. Better he talks to me than to Angus, don't you think?"

"Well, he's not! Surely not to that little shit, Angus!"

"No, no. I warned him off of that before I left, right after the move. Best to keep family matters in the family."

Giving him an appreciative glance, "I didn't know I had so much to be grateful to you for."

Shrugging, "Laurence is a little worried about when the baby comes. Not sure what to expect and all of that."

Giving a revealing tilt to her head, "Yeah, well, none of us do really."

Looking at her speculatively, hesitating to ask but wanting to know, "You OK about the baby now?"

Another sharp look at this man disguised as her son, then a smile lights her face, "I am. I'm getting very eager to have her here with us. To see her, hold her, touch her, smell that baby smell again."

Wanting to understand, "But you weren't always?"

Debating with herself for a moment whether to tell him, she decided that she would. They had always talked, the two of them. Well, he had talked and she had answered his perceptive questions as truthfully as she could, given his age at the time. Now, obviously, he was grown. She had no wish to relinquish the closeness they shared. Besides, other than Kate she had no real confidantes. She found herself sharing less and less with her mother these days. As Celia aged everything seemed to upset her more in spite of her newfound happiness with Alan. And she still wasn't always sure she could really trust Gillian So now she felt glad to have someone to talk to.

Her focus on the road, Caroline remembered, "At first, when we started talking about a baby I didn't think I _would_ want to start over raising a child again. It was early in our relationship and I was still embroiled in so much with your Dad and I handled it all very badly." Glancing at him as he watched her face intently, "It is one of the reasons we broke down, Kate and I." Sighing, "then last summer preparing you to go off to university I started to remember all the sweetness of raising you and Laurence. Holding the two of you on my lap, snuggling to read stories, teaching you to ride a bike, cooking together in the kitchen." Giving a chuckle, "Even the arguing and the noise and the dirt seemed suddenly appealing in retrospect."

"Then, when you were gone and your Dad had gone weeks before and it was just Laurence and I rattling around that big house I realized that in less than two years he would be off to university too. You'd both be gone, grown, living your own lives." Looking over and going on quickly, "And that is exactly how it _should_ be. What I want for you both. To be happy independent adults."

Looking through the windscreen again, "Of course that meant I'd be alone. That was a new thought for me. I lived with that for a while. Then I realized that being alone didn't frighten me but the thought of being without Kate filled me with dread." Fighting back tears now, "I went to Kate at one point and asked her if we could try again but she didn't feel she could risk it. Well, that is what I learned later, after we reunited. At the time I thought she just didn't want me anymore." Brushing away rolling tears, "That was hard. But I realized that I did still have Laurence and I shouldn't waste those precious days. So, I made an effort to find things to do with him, things that he would enjoy. We started playing tennis on the game box, went to movies, cooked together – he's getting pretty good at some dishes."

Lost in her thoughts she almost forgot that William was listening, "I was working to make my peace with that when about ten days before Granny's wedding I was heading to my office from an off campus meeting when Beverley met me on the staircase to say that Kate had driven herself to hospital. She was bleeding. Without a second thought I turned around and drove over to find her. I was afraid that she would be cross with me for being there but she was so scared that she actually talked to me that day, even let me come with her into the sonogram room." Her smile lighting her eyes again, "When I saw that little figure on the screen, its heart beating away… well, I lost my heart to her.

Looking at William again, she saw a tear in his eyes and love for this tenderhearted son of hers welled up and she patted his hand. Both of them took a moment to recover. Caroline continued, "It didn't seem to change things between us, my being there that day. Although I think she _was_ grateful. After that I couldn't get that little life out of my mind. Suddenly she was real to me." Taking her eyes from the road to see his face, "So now, Kate and I are back together again, I'm as excited to have her as I was for you and Laurence to be born. I hope that doesn't make you feel…"

Interrupting, "No, Ma. You mustn't ever think that. I'm just happy for you. Happy for both of you. Laurence is too, I think. He just doesn't always know how to show it. It makes me happy to think of you so happy." Grinning at her, I've enjoyed the texts and calls I've gotten from Laurence this term. He is pretty droll about the two of you but I can tell that he is kind of enjoying it as well, being in a home where there is happiness and love rather than…" Embarrassed to be saying this, "Well, the way it got to be at the end with you and Dad. Makes me feel like I'm missing out sometimes." Going on quickly, "Not that I don't like university, I do. I really do. It's just sometimes I wish it wasn't so far from home so I could get back and forth more easily."

"You know I'll pay train fare anytime you're able to come home. No question. We want you here with us too, as much as you can be. We miss you too, you know."


	43. Chapter 43

_Rather long, I hope you won't mind._

**Honeymoon Trip**

It was Monday morning and they were in the Jeep, heading south for the turning toward Cornwall. Kate had an elbow on the console, leaning close, the two women were continually stealing glances at one another. Actually, Caroline stole glances as her driving allowed, Kate's eyes seldom left Caroline's profile.

Marveling again, "William and Roxy were so good in the revue last night. I had no idea William had quite that much talent. I think I underutilized him in choir last year." At Caroline's answering smile, "Too bad he and Roxy weren't in any numbers together."

"Yes. They were both quite good." After a moment, "Her parents are lovely too. William was right, very warm outgoing people. I'm glad we had a chance to have dinner with them."

Turned in her seat and pushing Caroline's hair behind her ear for a better view of the lovely cinnamon spotted neck, "And the very best thing about last night…" surveying the prospect before her as her mind drifted back.

A buzz runs through Caroline at the expression on Kate's face, eyes somewhere south of her ear, "Yes?"

Refocusing on conversation, "The best thing about last night is the effect that an evening of music always has on you."

Wide eyed, "I don't know what you mean."

Insinuatingly, "Yes you dooo. Music always makes you _very_ romantic." Kate's voice grew softer, recalling the night before, "Rhythmically romantic, audibly romantic." Tracing the curves of Caroline's ear with a forefinger, "Singing into my ear when you're… God, Caroline." Leaning in, the backs of her fingers sweeping away blonde hair "Sing to me now Caroline, and I'll…"

Swallowing hard, Caroline gently but firmly elbows Kate off the console, she's far too close to concentrate properly on driving. Her tone admonishing, "K-aa-te. Kate, please I'm driving. Please behave, we've a long drive to reach Penzance." Glancing at a sulky Kate who is eyeing her surreptitiously to see the effect this has. In an effort to distract, "Look, we're entering the AONB!"

Arms crossed but leaning in again, saying breathily, "I know the area of outstanding natural beauty I'd like to be entering." Satisfied by the sharp intake of breath that is then exhaled on a regretful 'Mmmm' followed by flash of intense blue lights underscored by a pursed-lipped warning smile before they return to the road.

Caroline considered using the radio to distract but decided that under the circumstances that might be counterproductive, instead, "So, tell me about the bridal luncheon with your family."

Caroline received the 'aren't you adorable smile again, "Naturally they wanted to know all about you even though they had met you on Sunday. How we met, what you are like, your family, everything."

"What did you say?"

"A very condensed version of our story, that you were being terribly sweet about the baby and taking awfully good care of me." Meeting Caroline's smile, "With the aunts and the teens and my Mum there, decorum reigned." In mock innocence, "Of course, at lunch with Brenda and Patsy on Wednesday I didn't get by with such airy generalities."

Caroline is blinking at her now, not sure how concerned to be, "What does that mean?"

Eyes through the windscreen, "Well, on Sunday they'd seen how gorgeous you are and they wondered if you were as romantic as you are beautiful, if you were a good kisser, things like that."

Rising to the bait, "Well, they didn't! You didn't…" Catching sight of the averted face with twinkling eyes cast her way, lips compressed to keep from laughing, "You're having me on. Right. OK."

Laughing aloud, "Oh, that was too easy." Still chortling at Caroline's discomfiture, "That shade of pink is very becoming on you." With a wicked twinkle in her eye, "They probably did want to know but they were too polite to ask."

Driving on they spoke of many things. The boys, Caroline recounting some of yesterday's talk with William. Of Laurence asking to delay the offered 16th Birthday party with his friends until summer in order to have the outdoor picnic that he'd always wanted but which was never possible with his birthday in February. His cute inquiry as to whether there could still be a family birthday celebration this month, obviously unwilling to forego _all_ presents until summer.

They spoke of Celia's moderating attitude toward their marriage; Celia and Alan's health, where they might live now their trip to the continent was over and they were preparing to settle down. Wondered where Kevin's next assignment might be and how Edie would cope with his departure, Alistair's prognosis. Talking at random the way long car trips inspire conversation.

They spoke of their own wedding again now that it was just the two of them. Telling about their independent trips to find a wedding dress Kate remarked dryly, I was hoping against hope that you didn't come up with another one of those bolero jacket dresses like the one you wore to Celia and Alan's wedding."

Ingenuously, "Didn't you like it?"

Examining the profile beside her to see if she was being led on, as Caroline has been known to do, "Let's just say that of all the ensembles I've seen on you, it isn't my favorite." Hastening to add, "In spite of the fact that it was what you wore when you took my hand and agreed to dance with me."

Wearing matching goofy lovesick looks the two women gazed at one another until Caroline brought her attention back to driving.

Kate finally remembering the question, "So, how _did_ you come to be wearing that bolero dress?"

Caroline shrugged with one shoulder, "Oh. Mum, naturally. She thought it was the feminine version of the morning suit the men wore. The perfect matronly look for a wedding. Sooo…"

In surprise, "Matronly! Did she say that?"

Shrugging again, "Yes. I suppose that's what I am, isn't it? Mother of two teenagers at forty six?"

Kate's grinning now, "Of all the words I've used in my mind to describe you, matronly has _never_ been one of them."

Smiling over speculatively, "No? What then?"

Kate raised her eyebrows, "Fishing?"

Vivid blue eyes roving over the loveliness of Kate so close beside her, the red of her jumper peeking through the opening of her own grey wool wrap which fitted nicely around Kate's increasing fullness, finally flashing that shy smile that always did Kate in, "Shamelessly."

At Kate's 'Mmm. Where to begin?' Caroline prompted, "At the beginning, what did you think?"

A soft remembering smile on her lips, loving eyes warm on Caroline, "At the beginning when I first met you or the beginning of us?"

Glancing over with her chin tucked down, "Both?"

Kate's smile widened at this playful, loverly Caroline. Elbow on the console, chin in hand, a faraway look in her eyes Kate remembered, "The first day I met you, for the interview, I thought you were very imposing, smartly dressed, a little grand even. I hoped you hadn't noticed that my eyes went down your legs after we shook hands and you started for your chair.

At Caroline's dismissive smile, "Later, around school, seeing you in faculty meetings and assembly you seemed… splendid. I liked you even more, your voice, the way you engaged everyone in faculty meetings, your amazing blue eyes taking in everything."

Warming to her subject, "Every day you were just everywhere at once weren't you? We all knew we had to keep on our toes because you could turn up anywhere at any time and you did. We didn't dread it; we were hoping you would turn up. You'd light up a room when you stepped into it with your interest in everything, your kindness, the way you always had an encouraging word or a suggestion that was spot on." Meeting Caroline's eye, "It wasn't only me, they all talked in the staff room about you and how glad they were that things were changing. Of course there were a few holdouts from the old days but they were never going to fit into the new ideal and soon moved on."

Seeing the pink that suffused the translucent skin, Kate went on, taking delight in Caroline's discomfort. "Well, crush or no crush, I knew you were married and had children. So, I just went about my business, watching you from afar as they say, thinking you were happy. Musing, "I think that is why my dating in those years was so infrequent and causal. No one I met came close to measuring up to you." Bringing herself back to topic with a slight shake of her head, "Then, I noticed the change, you looked troubled. I started hearing rumors in the staff room about your break down with John. It took a lot of courage to try to befriend you."

Genuinely curious, "Why did you?"

Looking embarrassed, I really wasn't trying to take advantage of the situation, but I realized that as friendly as you were to everyone you didn't have any friends, at least at school and you looked like you needed a friend. You had become… subdued, grave, muted. You were still there for all of us but I could see that it was an effort to do what had been so natural before. It broke my heart for you. I think that is when my crush went out of control and I lost my heart to you. You were just so… sad. Sometimes it was all I could do not to put my arm around you and give you a hug. I always wondered what you were thinking that day I found you during my free period, outside looking across the empty playing fields."

"Caroline remembered that day smiled at Kate tenderly, "I wasn't mooning over John if that is what you are thinking. I was feeling like a total failure, realizing how long ago it had all started to go wrong. Berating myself for letting us get to this point in such a careless, uncontrolled way. Putting the boys through all of it." Placing the back of her hand to Kate's cheek, "Then there you were, asking if I was alright. Not taking the brush off as the others did when they got too close. You just stood there with those deep brown eyes, seeing me. Really seeing me. It scared the bejesus out of me."

"But you agreed to meet me for tea later," Kate pointed out.

"I was very low. It had been such a long time since anyone had really looked at _me_. Not their wife, or mother or daughter, me. It felt… I couldn't not… Well, you were…" giving Kate a despairing look, "Shit. Even now I can barely comprehend the effect you had on me, let alone articulate it. I found that I couldn't _not_ go. I needed _not_ to feel as invisible as I felt then. I wanted you to see me." Breathing more rapidly at the memory of the turmoil of feelings that day. "And you. What did you think then?"

"The look you gave me when I asked you to go for tea was so intense, so unreadable, intimidating really. I almost apologized and left but then you said, 'OK'. Just like that. Then I was terrified the rest of the afternoon about what I'd gotten myself into. In the café, the two of us alone together, my heart was beating so loudly I thought surely you would hear it. You told me what was happening, how you were blaming yourself, worried for the boys. I felt sorry for you and them but part of me was thrilled to be that close to you, inhaling your scent, hearing your soft voice just across the table, watching your fingers pleat that napkin over and over. After that, you were seldom off my mind, from that day to this."

Caroline had brought the car to a halt in the rest area car park. Brown eyes on blue, "God, Caroline, its all been so dramatic, so heartrending. And now here we are."

Caroline released her seat belt and twisted closer, "And now here we are. How very, very glad I am to be here with you." Emotions high, the kiss so poignant that they both have tears when finally they part.

Once again seeking out tissues and blotting one another's face, Kate laughed, "We should buy stock in a tissue manufacturing company."

Caroline's eyes twinkled, "What makes you think I haven't?"

**Penzance**

Nearing Penzance, "I can hardly believe we are going to have four more whole days together." Gazing dreamily, "Just you and me." Love beaming in her brief glance Caroline's eyes returned to the road, "I hope you'll like the place we are staying. I chose comfort over quaint this time. I wanted to be certain that everything was perfect for you." At the love filled smile, "It's a bed and breakfast, the main house is closed during the winter but they have these little cottages to let year round and they'll bring tea and hot breads and fruit each morning, just leave it at the door in hot/cold boxes to bring in when we're ready."

"Sounds perfect."

"There is a hotel that has an excellent reputation for dining. I thought we might go there for dinner tonight. If you like, if you're not too tired." Glancing at Kate she saw the look that told her anything she suggested would be found delightful.

So they spent the next two days with leisurely mornings, breakfast on the doorstep, sights of the town to see when they were ready, alternatively driving and walking to save Kate from undue tiredness. They'd lunch at some likely place when the spirit moved them, then mid-afternoon come back to the cottage for rest and intimacy before dressing for dinner only to return for the long secluded nights, to talk and love themselves to sleep.

**Distractions and Flourishes**

Kate is collapsed onto the wide bed. Caroline found her way inside Kate's arm, an ear devastatingly close to Kate's mouth, listening to her labored breath, "Dr. McKenzie-Elliot! Who knew you could be so creative?"

"Creative?"

"God, Caroline, you've had me in every conceivable position this week."

Chuckling wickedly, "Oh, we haven't been here nearly long enough for that." Raising her head to make her point, "Besides, I've had to be 'creative' in order to follow the doctor's orders and I was afraid not to." Lifting her chin, "Not that _you've_ lived up to our agreement."

Brown eyes sparkling with flecks of amber, "Well, but you're just so delicious, I couldn't resist." Her voice soft and low, "Besides, it thrills me to be inside you when you come." Mischievously, "You didn't stop me."

"Oh, Kate, that would have taken superhuman strength and you're my kryptonite."

Brows rising, "You didn't appear to be _that_ weak. The way you were thrashing about."

"K-ate-e!"

Struggling to keep a straight face, "It was _quite_ distracting, all that moaning and thrashing and crying out."

Feeling the flush spread over her, partly at the thought of that moment and partly to be looking at Kate when she did. Giving her a pout, "Well, you wouldn't let me come, would you?"

Teasing her, "You thought that was me? I thought that was you."

Not responding to this, "Dare I ask where you learned that other last little maneuver?"

Ghost of a smile playing on her lips, "Can't you just enjoy it?"

Appreciatively, "Oh, I did." Then shyly, "Sometimes, with you, I almost feel like a virgin."

Chortling, "Ohhh! As if! I could ask about a few of your artistic flourishes."

Caroline silences this by covering Kate's mouth with a series of very distracting kisses. Laying her head on Kate's chest, "Have you been with many…?"

Warningly, "Caroline."

"I'm a scientist, I like to quantify things."

Rolling them and pressing Caroline onto the bed, "Quantify this." Kate toys with kissing the lips that reach for hers, tasting and teasing with the occasional nip until finally she allows Caroline to take her mouth then delivers a crushing kiss that has them both breathless and searching for more.

**Wherever You Go, I Will Go**

Wednesday morning they stopped near the quay to browse the shops and wandered toward the water, finding an isolated bench from which to watch the boats and the gulls.

"Kate, are you comfortable?"

"Fine, why?"

Crooking a leg up onto the bench to face her, "There is something I'd like to talk to you about." Looking up Caroline saw the alarm on Kate's face and rushed to reassure her, "It's nothing bad. I think it may be a good thing but if you don't like the idea we can keep on just as we are."

Wondering what was coming next in this roller coaster ride that was life and love with Caroline McKenzie-Elliot. "Caroline, I think you should just tell me instead of trying to prepare me because you're only scaring me."

Concernedly, "Sorry. Are you OK?"

Impatiently, "Yes Caroline, just _tell_ me."

"OK. So, the Board of Governors has bought St. Bidduph's school in Leeds. It's been failing for years and recently their board have been reaching out to find a buyer. The building is in need of significant updating and that is already underway. There isn't any serious competition there for a school the caliber of Sulgrave Heath and the Governors would like to replicate what we've done at SH in Leeds."

Kate is watching the fervor build in Caroline as she's telling this, "What _you've_ done at Sulgrave, you mean. So they want you to be the Head at Leeds?"

Taking Kate's hands into hers, face shining, "Kate, it's a whole new position. They've asked me to oversee both schools. Bring the standards of the progressive education we offer at SH to the new school. Bring the things we've all been doing so well in Harrogate to Leeds. Maintain standards at both schools, train administrators and teachers. Plus, the new diversity curriculum will be instituted in Leeds from day one."

Seeing the lack of enthusiasm on Kate's part, Caroline came down with a crash, "It's not something I have to do. It was only an offer."

Kate had simply been taking it all in when suddenly she realized what it meant to Caroline to be offered this position, what it would mean to her to remain static in her current job and watch someone else create a new school to equal SH. She quickly amended her attitude, "No Caroline, I didn't mean that you shouldn't accept it. I'm just thinking of what it will mean to our family life if you are on the road between Harrogate and Leeds."

"Kate, I think I haven't told this very well. I'll finish as Head at Sulgrave with the Summer Term. So everything stays the same until then. It probably means that I have to work a good deal during the summer term holiday. There will be hiring to complete, training sessions, setting up my new office, that sort of thing. If I accept this position the Governors will hire a new head for each school. When the Autumn Term begins I mentor the new Heads and teach them how to maintain the standards that the Board of Governors and I establish. I will be in Leeds a good deal, my office will be there, for this year at least."

"The major re-construction will be finished the end of August, during the break we'll buy the furnishings, electronics, hire and train the right people and get organized for the Autumn term. It will be a lot of work. I don't want you to think anything else. I'll be giving up much of the summer holiday to get the new school ready for opening in September."

Seeing that Kate still had reservations, "Kate, what I'm most excited about is the freedom this gives me to not be tied to a desk. At least once we get the new school up and running. It'll be doing what I love most about the job, making policies and implementing teaching methods that bring out the best in our students."

Admiringly, "That is your forte. You'll be very good at that. You always have been."

Earnestly, "Kate, I realize that the timing on this is not great. This first year _is_ going to be a lot of work, no question. I'll be back and forth between schools quite a lot at first. But once the new school is established I'll have a degree of freedom that I don't have now. To be where I'm needed but also not to have such a demanding schedule, to be able to spend more time at home than I do now. Work from home sometimes. That would be a good thing, wouldn't it? With the baby coming?"

Smiling, "Yes, Caroline, that would be a good thing." In the back of her mind she's thinking of Caroline's work ethic and wondering if this will ever pan out in practice as well as in Caroline's theory. She also knows that this is an opportunity that Caroline needs to take. She can see already how she's expanding into this new role.

Kate stood, pushing Caroline back onto the bench with a gentle smile. "I can't think with those blue strobe lights full in my face." Then more seriously, "I'm just learning about this, Caroline. Can you give me a little time to think it through?"

Nodding, "Course, Of course."

Kate sees the worried expression but she can't think about that now. Moving toward the stone wall a short distance away from the bench Kate leaned and looked out unseeingly. It was clear that the next year would take Caroline's best effort to launch a new school as well as mentor the existing one. She had no illusions that Caroline would give the job less than her best effort; she would never stint herself to make the new school a resounding success.

Kate knew that inevitably this would mean less time at home for Caroline no matter how much she wanted to be there with them and that she would come home fatigued. She also knew it was the kind of fatigue that somehow, oddly, energized Caroline. Only a few days ago she had made promises to Caroline to be sensitive to her needs, she'd said 'wherever you go I will go'. It was clear that Caroline needed to move up to fulfill her potential. Surely the joy of seeing that would outweigh short-term inconveniences. Already her promise to help foster one of Caroline's strengths was being called into play. This was a good offer for Caroline, a position tailored to her talents really. Would the Governors have been so ready to purchase a new school without Caroline's abilities in mind?

Kate considered what this would mean in terms of their home life and the new baby. She reflected that less than two months ago she was facing the reality of having her baby on her own and being a single mother. Surely she could manage whatever was necessary to make this opportunity possible for Caroline. And Caroline _would_ be there for her, she knew this.

Turning to lean her backside against the wall Kate smiled warmly at the anxious figure sitting on the edge of the bench. The smile brought Caroline to her feet closing the distance between them. "Caroline, this sounds like the perfect position for you. You'll be brilliant. I'm very proud of you."

Smiling broadly now, "And it comes with a significant pay rise. So that will be good for all of us." Playfully, "Maybe then I can get my wife to increase our household budget to include a few non-essentials?"

Lifting her chin, "Caroline, we live very well."

Eyes sparkling, "Yes, we do. Thanks to your skills at marketing and bargain hunting. But I would like to spoil you a little more."

"Caroline, you've done nothing _but_ spoil me since we've gotten back together." Brown eyes brimming, "You've been so good to me. I've never felt so loved and cherished. If I had been alone on the couch in my cottage for all of these weeks that I could only work part time it would have been-"

A finger to Kate's curved lips, "Ah, ah, ah, we are not going back there, even in our minds. We are only looking forward from now on, a bright lovely future for all of us. Made possible by you being willing to marry selfish, inept, old me."

"Caroline, you are the least selfish person I know."

"Kate, you have to admit that last year I-"

Putting a finger on pink lips to stop the flow of words, "I thought we were looking only to the future?" Feeling the smile beneath her fingers Kate replaced them with her lips.

**St. Valentine's Day**

On Thursday, they'd risen earlier than usual, packed their bags into the Jeep and driven out of town along the coast road to a lay by where Caroline parked the car. Taking Kate by the hand she led her along the easy path to the edge of the water. Facing Kate with both hands joined, she smiled up into brown eyes. "I'll bet you thought I'd forgotten my promise to write vows to you, didn't you?"

Seeing by Kate's expression that the omission hadn't escaped her, "That first night, our wedding night, we were… too distracted?" Giving Kate a bashful look from under her lashes. "And then Sunday we were very tired after the revue and also… um, distracted. So then I thought since we'd left it that long, if you didn't say anything, I'd wait until Valentine's Day. I want to say my vows to you in the full light of day so you'll know without a doubt that I really mean them and it isn't just… well, romance."

Caressing the hands in hers, Kate said softly, "Caroline, with us it's never 'just romance'."

Kate, I want you to know that because of you, being with you, being loved by you, I'm a different person than I've ever been before. I'm more able to love, able to be braver about living. I feel infused with your courage, your composure and tranquility. Being loved by you gives me permission to be myself. That is an amazing gift. I'm going to spend the rest of my life trying to repay that gift. I promise you Kathryn McKenzie-Elliot that every day for the rest of my life you will be my first thought, my last thought and the reason and meaning behind every thought in between. My intent every day will be to make you happy, protect you, care for you, give you every good thing it is in my power to give, to love you absolutely with my whole heart."

After a long moment plumbing the depths of one another's eyes, "Caroline Dawson McKenzie-Elliot, you are the love of my life. Your vitality and vigor, your joie de vivre buoy me up, carry me to places I've never been, places I can only go with you. I treasure you. You delight me every day. I promise to cherish you. I will accept your loving care and magnify it back to you. I give you all of my love without reservation.

With tears and trembling they kissed the soft tender kiss that always made them feel like it was the first time. Then, arms around one another, heads touching, the two women stood looking over the waves sparkling in the sunlight knowing this was another moment they would never forget.

**Turning for Home**

Taking a leisurely route through the coastal villages on the western side of Cornwall that Thursday they stopped at will, browsing through bookshops, antiques shops, galleries, anyplace that looked interesting. Finally, in late afternoon they took the highway for Bristol where Caroline had booked a room for the night.

The next morning they headed off toward Birmingham, through Manchester and on to Halifax with a stop at the farm on the way home. Here they were greeted as if they had been away for a month rather than a few days and were borne in for tea and made to promise to stay for supper.

After hearing the highlights of the trip to Cornwall, Celia was full of news about the excursions she and Alan had taken to find a new home. They wanted a location somewhere between Halifax and Harrogate so that whichever direction they went the drive would not be too long. Since Alan's doctors were in Bradford they had concentrated on the north side of the town and found several promising properties. They had just today put in an offer on a bungalow. It was in a development where for a monthly fee the exteriors and maintenance were taken care of for them, freeing them to enjoy life with few responsibilities. Someone else would do the gardening and shovel the snow. They were quite pleased with themselves for finding something so quickly and hoping to receive acceptance of their offer tomorrow. Shortly after supper the newlyweds set off for home as Kate had not had a proper afternoon rest in two days.


	44. Chapter 44

**It's Amazing**

"It's amazing the effect a tiny baby has on the world around it."

"Mmm. What makes you say that?"

"Your Mum. Suddenly she and Alan seem to find an awful lot of reasons to come to Harrogate."

Blue eyes smiling at the truth of this, "She did the same when the boys were small, any excuse would do for her to come by and cuddle them for a bit." Suddenly wondering, "Is she here too much? If she is a nuisance I could-"

"No, no. They never stay long. As you say they come by for a cuddle with the baby and they are on their way. Celia always calls first to say they are in town, can they bring me anything while they are out. Then if I don't need anything she wonders if it is a good time to stop in anyway. It's endearing really." Shifting the baby to her shoulder for a burp, "A few months ago I wouldn't have pictured her being this interested in Callie. Or this considerate of me."

Caroline is lying on her side, head propped on an elbow fingering tiny dangling feet that scrunch at her touch. "She didn't call the first week or two though did she? They were just dropping in."

"Now that you mention it."

"I think Gillian may have said something to her. She was very diplomatic. Told my mother not everyone was like her, willing to have any and all dropping by unannounced at all hours. Being a new mother could be stressful enough without entertaining unexpected visitors. She got Mum talking about when I was first born and Grandmother Dawson used to do that very thing. She told Gillian it made her feel like she was being spied on by her mother-in-law, a sort of unannounced inspection. It must have made her think a bit."

Grinning, "I'll have to thank Gillian one day." Settling the baby to latch on again, "Laurence has been sweet too. When he gets home, if I'm not out in the sitting room he comes calling for me." Chuckling a little, "Doesn't want to walk into any surprises, I think. But he does want to see our little Callie. He washes his hands and even if she is sleeping I let him hold her. He is so pleased with her, he calls her CK. Did you know?"

Continuing at Caroline's smiling nod, "Of course, to be fair it isn't only since she has been born. While I was on bed rest he would do the same, come to see if I needed anything. I reckoned he did that because you told him to but then he would sit down and tell me the news of the school. What happened that day, all the little dramas that were unfolding. I really appreciated that. I was feeling very isolated and it helped."

"Kate, I am sorry I've gotten so caught up into work since mid-terms. But with taking on the new school I've _had_ to work late. Besides, I told you the school news every night too." Slightly hurt, "I didn't know you'd heard it all before I got here."

Gently, "Caroline. Your school news is different from _our_ school news. You tell me about administrative people and issues of your day, at the look on Caroline's face Kate hurries on, "And I want to hear all of that, I do. But… Laurence tells me about… teachers and students, classroom news."

"Oh I see." Pretending to be haughty but really she is glad that these two have formed a bond. Relenting, "He has been good, hasn't he? He did spend an entire Saturday afternoon on the floor of the nursery with me putting together that expletive deleted cot." Incensed at the memory. "How anything could have that many bits and pieces I still haven't fathomed."

Her mind going back to Laurence, "Then the Friday morning you went into labor he wanted to come to the hospital with us. I knew it was going to be a long day and maybe into the night as well so I made him go to school. When Mum brought him by that afternoon I couldn't get him to go home with her. Edie was kind enough to say 'let him stay, I'll take him home' with me, so Mum and Alan could get back before it got too late. He didn't say it but I could tell he was worried about you. Then the next morning he practically beat me to the door at Edie's, afraid I was going to leave him behind when I came back to the hospital to see you. He wanted to be first to hold her before everyone else arrived I think."

"That was a good day wasn't it? Everyone coming in, eager to see her."

"I was afraid we were overwhelming you. Everyone at once, the endless photos. You still looked so tired."

"No more tired than you," only half teasing, "I almost think you felt more pain through the labor than I did." Watching the pink come into Caroline's face, "you'd look so distressed that I felt guilty whenever I couldn't help crying out."

Troubled, "Oh Kate, it was you who had it all to endure. I'm so sorry if I made it worse, harder on you…"

Putting fingers to the downturned lips, "Shh," with a loving smile, "You didn't make it worse. I was so glad you were there." Swallowing the lump in her throat, horror in her eyes at the alternative possibility, "what if you hadn't been there? If I'd had to do that alone? If we hadn't-"

Stopping her, "Don't!" Then, her voice gentling, "Don't even say it." For a long moment they were quiet, contemplating the unthinkable.

Then Kate returned to her interrupted thought, "You, staying with me around the clock, all through the night even after she was born. I had to _make_ you go home at four in the morning." Her eyes tender, meeting Caroline's, "We were both tired but happy that day. It would have been heartbreaking if they hadn't wanted to be there wouldn't it?" Smiling again at the memories, "Even Gillian and Raf and Ellie came over in the afternoon. And Will, dear Will, traveling all the way from Oxford on one day only to return the next so he could see us. We're very lucky, Caroline."

"Yes we are, My Brown Eyed Girl." Taking the baby, who had finished nursing, and laying her on the bed between them Caroline leaned over her to kiss waiting lips. Allowing their lips to part Caroline laughed, on the verge of tears, unable to contain her joy in Kate.

**What Do They Talk About Anyway?**

Laurence, on the way to his bedroom, heard the murmur of voices behind his Mum and Kate's door. Just as he reached his own, the sound of his Mum's laugh caught up with him, low and private sounding. He felt a little jealous.

It was only him watching the telly most nights now. He missed Will. When he was at home, even if he had his nose in a book he was at least in the room and he was usually keeping up with the program as well as his book. Now, Mum and Kate went to bed once they had Callie down. They would snuggle on the couch in the evening for a while and watch telly with him if he let them see something that they liked. To be fair they didn't go to bed _that_ early, it was just that it wasn't that late either. He liked to sit up late and watch something but it was nicer if someone else were there too. Mum always said that Kate was tired from being up with the baby so often in the night but whenever he came back here, he could hear them talking, not words that you could hear, just sounds of conversation. How did they find so much to talk about anyway?

**A Spa Day?**

"Kate, how would you fancy a day to yourself on Saturday?"

Surprised, "What do you mean?"

"Well, I've been thinking, you've barely had a minute to yourself since we got back together last winter. What with moving house, getting settled, the wedding…" Eyes glowing, Caroline had to stop there for a kiss. "You were so beautiful." Finally going on with her theme, "The final stages of pregnancy, giving birth... I just wondered if you might be looking for a little time to yourself once in a while. I could take care of Callie."

Amazed, "What, go off without you? And do what?"

"I don't know, spa day maybe, sauna, massage, hair, nails, the works. There's that place on-."

Indignant, "Have you ever known me to have a spa day?"

Blinking, "Well, we were only beginning to get to know each other last year when… And since Christmas… Oh I don't know, I'm making a hash of this. I just don't want you to feel like you can't go and do things you like to do. Feel trapped, like I'm always there, you can never just… be." Shrugging, "I want you to feel that you can do what _you_ want to do."

Eyeing Caroline speculatively, "Is that how you feel? Is that what this is about?"

"No. NO. God no. Kate, I only want to be with you. Whenever we're apart, work or shopping, whatever, I can't get through quickly enough to get back to you."

"Then what brought this up?"

"I don't know." Looking down, tracing a finger over the sleeping baby, "I was rocking Callie to sleep tonight while you tidied the kitchen and got thinking back to when the boys were first born. Especially William. When it was all so new and I didn't know what to expect next. The everlasting constancy of it all surprised me. And then, families popping in unannounced all the time, excited about a first grandchild. It was all a little overwhelming. There were times I would have killed for 30 minutes to myself. But no one offered them to me. I just don't want to be as insensitive as…"

"As John. Understanding a little bit now. "Caroline, I'm so sorry that's the way it was for you." After a moment, "Nothing like that has even occurred to me.

"Soooo, you don't want a spa day?"

"I didn't say that." Pulling her close, "What if we get my Mum to keep Callie and we both have a spa day?"

"Yeah? You'd want to do that?"

"Caroline you've barely had a moment to yourself since Christmas either. We could both do with a little pampering."

The baby between them let out her thin infant cry. Once again, as for so many months she was resting between these two women who leaned over her to one another. Her Mums. Caroline laughed softly before kissing Kate again, "sounds like someone else is looking for some pampering."

**Private Time**

Coming in and closing the door, "Just a nappy change, I think she is out for a while."

"Caroline, what are you doing?"

"Turning the monitor down."

"Why?"

"Just for a bit."

"Why?"

Looking at Kate as she slowly unbuttoned her blouse, Caroline let her gaze into deep brown eyes explain. One by one she discarded items of apparel, watching Kate watching her. Bending, she patiently gathered the covers to the foot of the bed, gradually revealing the golden brown skin of an unclad Kate. Crawling up the length of the bed to incrementally lower onto the newly lithe frame, eyes devouring the form and the details on the way up, feeling the hum in Kate's body at their first touch.

Reverently, "I love it when you hum." Kisses drifting down the elegant arched neck.

Distracted. "_I'm_ not humming."

In her ear, "Don't tell me you can't feel it."

Nuzzling the freckled cheek, "Course I do, it's you." Whispering, "I felt it when you touched me."

"Not me. You." Lips graze lips. Repeatedly.

"Us."


	45. Chapter 45

_A lengthy update again, it just wouldn't divide properly. No reason you need to read it in one go though, just because I couldn't bring myself to break it into two, lol. _

**Its Ugly Head**

They didn't have a Spa Day after all. The next week became increasingly difficult for Kate. Caroline noticed a gradual increase in irritability; the furrow between Kate's brows seemed to disappear only when she nursed Callie. Her interest in life had flagged and efforts to include her in activities and conversation resulted in annoyance and the likelihood that Kate would find her way into another room. At the suggestion that she make an appointment to see Dr. Simmons Kate had balked saying that it was unnecessary, she was only tired.

Caroline consulted Edie who made a point of coming by to see Kate. She confirmed Caroline's fears that depression seemed to be playing a role even though it was not at all to the degree she had seen in her daughter before. She agreed that seeing Dr. Simmons would be advisable but had been no more successful at convincing Kate than Caroline had been.

By the end of the week with all symptoms worsening, Caroline had simply made the first appointment available for Kate to see Dr. Simmons. It was for Monday afternoon. She arranged to take the day off from work because she was increasingly concerned about Kate. She told Kate on Friday evening that she had made the appointment but received no response. The weekend was tense for all of them with Caroline and Laurence trying their best not to annoy Kate.

After seeing Laurence out the door this morning, to be driven to school by Felicity, Caroline had gone to find Kate in the baby's room. She'd just finished nursing Callie and was putting her to sleep in her cot. Standing beside Kate who was patting the baby soothingly she put an arm around her as they both watched the long dark lashes trying not to fall. Resting her head on Kate's shoulder, "She's so beautiful, isn't she?"

Kate shrugged away from Caroline and after drawing up the blanket to cover the baby walked out of the room. Caroline was hurt anew but she followed Kate into their bedroom. Seeing that she was preparing to go back to bed Caroline stepped in front of her before she could remove her wrapper. "The tea is still hot, Kate, why don't you come and have a cup with me. I'll make some fresh toast for you."

Moving away to allow space to shed the wrapper, "I don't want anything, I tired. I'm going to rest."

"You need to eat, Kate. You can't continue to breastfeed Callie without a proper diet." Caroline had moved with Kate preventing her from disrobing.

"Caroline, I don't know what you are doing here today anyway. Just go to school. This doesn't affect you. Go on back to your uninterrupted perfect life."

As Kate began to move away Caroline once again tracked with her, "What is that supposed to mean?"

Caroline watched the cold hard look come over Kate's face. The one she had hoped never to see directed at her again.

"It means, Caroline," said Kate bitingly, "that it is all just a lark for you. It isn't you that spent three weeks in bed alone before she was born, it isn't your body all out of shape and sore, it isn't your breasts achy and leaking milk all over your clothes until your afraid to go out of the house. No, for you it's all, 'isn't she lovely' and dressing in your smart clothes and racing up and down stairs and going to work like always." Exasperated Kate heaved a loud sigh and because Caroline was between her and the bed headed out the door.

Caroline was still for a moment. She remembered that feeling after the boys were born. She'd felt like she was getting all the difficulties and John was getting all the fun. Since Callie had been born she had tried to help as much as she could but with Kate breastfeeding there was only so much she could do. She still felt guilty because she did understand Kate's feelings.

Following Kate to find her stationed in front of the great windows, arms crossed, surveying the view. "I remember feeling much the same after the boys were born. John got all the fun bits and I got all the work." Placating, "I have _tried_ to be helpful. Is there something else you'd like me to do?"

Kate whirled, sarcasm dripping from her voice, "Of course you have, you _are_ perfect after all." Mockingly, "The perfect Dr. Caroline Elliot." Saying this Kate met Caroline's eyes for the first time today.

Standing toe to toe, incensed, Caroline confronted her, "All _right_, Kate!" She was particularly irked that Kate had omitted her married name, McKenzie-Elliot. Moving her face to track with Kate's, forcing her to maintain eye contact, "Nothing I do pleases you. What _exactly_ is the problem?"

Looking away again, "Nothing." Sighing heavily, "Everything." Then, "Just another day of you being the martyr for putting up with me. Another day of you patronizing me."

This was new, this willingness to engage. Increasingly Kate had been prone to stubborn silence, avoiding Caroline's eyes most of the time, her touch all of the time. Patience was wearing thin for coaxing and cajoling Kate into eating, into conversation, out of her lethargy.

Still facing Kate, "Patronizing you!? I've been-"

Glaring at Caroline, "been a royal pain in the arse, with your sanctimonious face. Whirling away, "Alright. Fine. You're a better mother than I am. Satisfied? Now you can stop throwing it at my head."

Caroline was stunned, unsure whether Kate's change in temperament was a good development or not.

Remembering the talk she and Kate had had as they'd reconciled she recalled Kate telling her that during her depressions after the miscarriages, Richard had been so patient with her no matter how hurtful she had been to him. How that had only infuriated her more. It occurred to her that maybe treating Kate with kid gloves was not the right tactic.

Starting after her as she paces away, "Kate, I don't think any such…"

Kate whirled again and collided with a following Caroline, "_You_ didn't even want her," Kate accused. "Now you act like _you're_ her Mum." Arms at her side, slightly back, Kate walked into Caroline again bumping her back, provoking her, itching for a fight.

More than a little shocked, before she could recover, Caroline found herself being bumped yet again. "She's _mine_. I'm the one who had four miscarriages to get to her." Bump. "I'm the one who longed for her, dreamed of her, planned how to get her." Bump. Now intentionally hurtful, "Took Greg into my bed to get her." Standing tall, watching pain spread over the target face.

Caroline grew angrier with every bump, incensed at this treatment. In her whole life no one had ever treated her this way. Surprised at her own willingness to participate in this contest, she had been ready to react in kind when the image of Greg in Kate's bed brought her up short.

Before she could formulate a retort, Kate continued, head lowered, her face very close, she growled through gritted teeth, "I'm so angry with you Caroline, I can barely stand to be in my own skin right now." Pushing her roughly back by the shoulders this time, "And look at you. You're so god dammed beautiful I can't take my eyes off of you."

If Caroline had learned anything this past year it was that the worst thing she could do would be to turn away from Kate's anger. The last time she had let that anger stop her it had cost them both months of anguish. Between Kate's irritability, her withdrawal and now, being physically pushed, Caroline had reached a limit. Aware that she was almost backed to the wall she regained her balance and pushed back at Kate with her own body. She was surprised to find Kate immovable, feet planted, weight forward, her height just enough advantage that Caroline didn't budge her. She saw the smug satisfaction on the cold face staring her down.

Annoyed by her failure to move Kate and recognizing now her own awakening at this physicality. Stomach to stomach, breast to breast she leaned against Kate's taller frame and extending her neck to get as close as she could into the scowling face she challenged, "You certainly seem to have managed just fine lately, not looking at me, not letting me touch you all week."

Never able to resist this face when it was reaching up into hers, Kate's hands grabbed encroaching shoulders into a bruising grip and pulled her higher, kissing her roughly. Caroline, fully riled now, met Kate's intensity beat for beat. Rising onto her toes, hands gripping Kate's ribcage, she gave as good as she got. Finally, for lack of oxygen, they broke apart, glaring at one another, panting.

Still holding Caroline by the shoulders, Kate pushed her to arms length, eyes dropping against her will to drink in Caroline's flushed skin, alive with freckles, breasts heaving, legs gorgeous, even encased in muslin. She took in Caroline's stance, feet slightly apart, one foot forward for balance, ready to defend herself. Kate's lust took over, she pushed Caroline against the wall and bending at the knees pressed her inflamed self against the length of this body whose tidal pull was as strong as ever, resuming the interrupted kiss that was still more of a contest for supremacy than anything else.

Caroline's hands had moved to Kate's shoulder blades, pulling her in as her kiss pushed her away. Her need for Kate was great after weeks of sexual deprivation due to pregnancy and childbirth plus the emotional deprivation of Kate's phantom presence recently.

Kate's breath failed first, her face sliding against Caroline's as cheek-to-cheek their faces battled on for a time. When her lungs would allow her to speak Kate pulled back, her fierce glare meeting the flinty blue eyes glinting back greedily and spat out furiously, "I don't _want_ to want you. I don't _want_ to need you this much. Eyes black with fury and desire, again roaming over disheveled blonde hair, the contour of cheek, the slender throat, on to the luscious swell of breasts just visible above the parting of Caroline's robe.

Caroline wasn't sure that this was the best jumping off point to having sex. She'd occasionally read such scenes in a book but in real life it didn't seem advisable, no matter that oddly, desire had risen in her too. Kate had barely spoken to her in over a week, she was afraid of losing that verbal engagement. Nothing Kate had told her yet would cause her to behave the way she had been doing. Caroline took Kate's face between her hands, also having the effect of distancing their bodies a bit. "Talk to me Kate. Tell me what is happening with you. If it was just annoyance at my behavior you would have told me so before now." Gently, "I can see the pain in your eyes, what is it?"

Having allowed herself contact with Caroline again, Kate found her emotions warring. The mystic pull of Caroline on her psyche pitted itself against the old darkness that threatened her. The pain and sorrow that she had tried so hard to keep from touching her newfound happiness. She had failed at that as she had failed for so many years to carry a baby to term. She had battled the darkness so long. With help from Dr. Simmons she thought it had been put away, now here it was again ruining the fulfillment of her dream for a healthy baby carried full term. She was so tired. Tired of the density of darkness that sucked the light out of all that was good in her life. It didn't seem fair to put that on Caroline but then she already had, hadn't she?

Caroline watched as the desire on Kate's face was replaced by sadness then the pain that hadn't gone away, only been covered by anger, visibly deepened and intensified, become dominant. She hoped that she would be equal to providing what Kate needed.

Her hips still pressed Caroline against the wall even though she leaned back from the waist to see her and to allow caressing fingers to smooth the hair from her face. Tears in her eyes, Kate whispered, "The babies.

Caroline nodded, watching the miasma of grief for a baby surrendered, and babies lost well up into eyes, black with pain.

"They are here whenever I see Callie." Her face contorted, swallowing hard to be able to continue, "I never saw them, you know. Never even got to hold them. Two were boys; three girls, that's all I know." Kate's eyes were far away, remembering, imagining. "I never got to see them grow up." Meeting Caroline's eyes, "The oldest would be 23 now. Older than William." Smiling grimly, "A boy. I'd like to think they would have been friends. William is such a dear. How could they not be?"

Kate had clearly been thinking about this. Tears welled in Caroline's eyes as she too pictured their grown up babies being friends.

"I thought that having a baby to hold and mother would put all of that to rest but it hasn't. They are still here, haunting me. Haunting us." Sobbing now, "I'm sorry Caroline, I tried to stop it happening but I couldn't. I never wanted to inflict this on you."

Raising her cheek to Kate's Caroline pulled her close, as tightly as she could, arms around her shoulders, a hand coming up to cup the back of Kate's head protectively. "We're in this together now, you know. You don't have to do this on your own. I'm here for you. Please don't shut me out any more. I can stand anything but that, Kate." Rocking them, a sob in her voice now, "anything but that."

Clinging to Caroline, fear becoming dominant now, "I don't know if I can be enough, a good enough mother for her, Caroline. Now that she is here."

"Oh Kate, you _are_ a good mother. I see you with her and already you are _so_ good with her. You're beautiful together. It's you she quiets to. She's thriving, trust yourself, you're a wonderful mother."

On her toes as she needed to be to reach her cheek to Kate's Caroline turned her face to kiss Kate's cheek and found that they were kissing. Kate's hungry kisses broken by sobs, as the rush of that dammed channel burst open within her under the pressure of their love.

Bodies so long denied pressed urgently against one another. Sobs subsided into frantic mouths seeking and responding, hands running to clasp, to cup, to gain purchase for the pulsing of their bodies on one another. Until frenzied fingers found their way inside of minimal clothing to complete the circuit of comfort they desperately needed from one another.

After Kate's orgasm she collapsed into Caroline, emotions flowing, she sobbed out the grief and fear that had been building inside her. Her weight carried them downward, Caroline awkwardly lowering Kate to the floor unable to hold her up. Gathering her in. "That's right, let it out. Don't hold it in anymore." Assuring her fiercely, "If it has to be carried we'll carry it together. If there is a way to make it lighter, we'll find it." Stroking her hair and kissing her face, "Cry it out, My Brown Eyed Girl, cry it out." Caroline cradled to her breast the most precious being in the world, murmuring softly into her ear, "I love you, Kate. I love you so much."

Emotions finally calming, Kate began to shiver and Caroline straightened the clothing on her body. Looking around for something to pull over her beloved she found nothing within reach. Kissing Kate's eyes she asked, "Are you alright?"

Nodding, "Just cold."

"Come on, lets shower before Callie wakes again." Helping one another to their feet, "Then I'll make you something to eat."

**Residuals**

Caroline stood running her hands through Kate's hair as she sat at her dressing table. "I love the blackness of your hair. It's so dark that it should absorb all the light and yet is has such a lovely sheen, almost like a light of its own.

Kate wanted to close her eyes to the sensation of gentle fingers in her hair but the sight of Caroline dressed as Dr. Elliot touching her this intimately while saying tender things to her, things that only Caroline would say held her attention. "You've never said that before."

Enjoying the moment of closeness, "Haven't I?" Then meeting Kate's eyes in the mirror, smiling, "I've told you how beautiful you are."

Kate's smile acknowledging this, "But not that, about my hair."

Caroline shrugged one shoulder, "In so many ways its still early days for us, isn't it?" Going on as Kate's eyes did fall closed now to her fingers continued stroking through the admired tresses, "Lovely as parts of last spring were," smiling to herself, "all the bits where we actually managed to connect, there wasn't much time for just being together like this. We haven't been back together for six months yet. With all that's happened since Christmas there hasn't been a lot of time."

"Mmmm. Life does seem to reach warp speed whenever I'm with you, Caroline."

Her hands slowing, "Ready to disembark?"

Eyes slammed open, reaching for Caroline's wrists, pulling them down, pulling Caroline in to lean against her, "NO. I love you Caroline. I know I haven't said that lately but I do." Crossing their arms now to draw Caroline closer still, Kate's voice intense, "I love you so much Caroline, and I say the most awful, hurtful things to you." Eyes welling at the memory, "I've used what happened with Greg to hurt you again." Contritely, "I don't know what comes over me, Caroline. Whenever I get into a state, I lash out and say terrible things to you. The person I love the most."

Leaning against Kate, allowing herself to be held there, "It's what we human beings do isn't it? Hurt the ones we love? Well, who else do we have the power to hurt?"

Curious, "Why do you let me get away with it? You didn't come back at me."

Shrugging as she straightens, taking back her hands to gather Kate's hair to the nape of her neck, "You're vulnerable right now. There are more important things to address." Eyes on Kate's hair and her fingers in it, "Besides, that's what I do isn't it? Absorb the vitriol and try to neutralize it. Its what I've always done."

"Your parents."

Twisting Kate's hair into a trial coif and surveying the effect, "Yes, and John. It's not a small part of what I do at school, take everyone's upsets and problems and set them right."

Quietly, "And who sets things right for you Caroline?"

Deciding against that style she combs it out with her fingers, "Oh, when everything is going well, then its alright for me too, isn't it?"

There had been a time when Kate thought Caroline lacked courage, mostly because she hadn't dealt with her change in sexual identity as rapidly as she'd wanted her to. Later she'd come to realize that Caroline's brand of courage had been developed to address the emotional adversities of her life while her own had necessarily been concerned with external perceptions and threats.

The unhappiness of Caroline's childhood home had taught her to endure whatever came her way with fortitude. An old fashioned word that perfectly described Caroline's courage. Even when she'd deliberately said hurtful things to Caroline she'd never asked for quarter, she just took it. As if she had to. One of the internal vows Kate had made to herself when she'd committed to her love for Caroline was that she'd never again deliberately attack Caroline emotionally, knowing now she'd only absorb it and add it to the load she already carried so valiantly.

Already she'd broken that vow. It added to her distress but she fought that down, trying to understand Caroline. Watching her in the mirror, "Is it, Caroline? What do you do with your hurts, your pain?"

Looking up with a smile, "You've helped me Kate. I can talk to you now. You've made me very happy. Nothing is quite as hurtful anymore."

Ashamed, "Until I hurt you deliberately."

Her hands stilled and she held Kate's gaze in her reflection, "That isn't you, Kate. That was the depression you are fighting. I can see you fighting it. Sometimes it just gets to be too much for you. Maybe Dr. Simmons can help." She saw the apology in Kate's eyes, smiled her understanding and returned to her task.

Following her prior line of thought, "What about before?"

Folding black tresses in upon themselves, "Deal with things the best I could, like everyone else, I suppose. Try not to let it hurt anyone else."

Still watching the face that Caroline kept deliberately bland, "Only you. They still hurt you though."

"I don't dwell on it."

Turning on the bench, pulling Caroline onto her lap, "Caroline, I don't want you to do that with me. If we are going to continue to be good together we can't let the hurtful things accumulate. I need you to call me on it. Even at the best of times I need your interest to give me permission to tell you things. Things that maybe you should know. When I get like this its going to be up to you to get me to talk. Even if it makes me cross. It'll be better done sooner than later. I need you to know that. Otherwise I'm afraid it will eventually poison us.

"I see." Caroline searched Kate's earnest face as she thought back over the week just past and what she might have done differently. Wondering if it would have prevented them getting to the point they'd reached this morning.

Nodding, "I'm sorry about this morning. I only said it because I was so angry. I get afraid and it comes out as anger. Anger I seem prone to direct at you. I am sorry."

"So, how do you really feel about me and Callie?"

I really have been feeling inadequate about mothering. It's overwhelming, all there is to do and remember and what if she gets sick and I miss the signs and something goes wrong." Stopping to look at Caroline, "And you're so bloody good at it. So confident and relaxed with her… and it made me feel… less than I should be,"

"Oh, Kate, its only because I've done it before. Even at that its scary, daunting really."

"Really? Is that really how you feel?"

"Of course. Caring for an infant is a delicate business, we _should_ be a little scared. It makes us better parents."

Smiling, "You shouldn't feel bad, you're doing marvelously." Leaning down Caroline tenderly kissed Kate's upraised lips. Resolutely rising she took Kate's shoulders and turned her back to the mirror. "May I put up your hair?"

Kate nodded, smiling through the mirror into Caroline's eyes. Then sobering, "Before we leave this topic, how are you feeling now about Greg?"

Eyes on her task, "How do you mean?"

"What I said to you this morning, that I took him into my bed to get Callie." Trying to turn in her seat to look at Caroline, she was halted by firm hands on her shoulders.

"Sit still Kate." She didn't want to look at Kate. Couldn't look at Kate while she thought about that. Finally, she said softly, belying the intense emotion she felt, "I never wanted him to have you. From the first moment you said the words, 'we could just do it', everything in me rebelled against that. I, um… Well, we were so new then and it felt like I was being replaced. Found wanting. Not enough. _I_ couldn't give you what you wanted, what you needed. You had to shop elsewhere for that."

Kate could see the pained face in the mirror. She knew Caroline was processing her feelings, her thoughts and what she would say next. She wasn't finished and Kate wouldn't have known what to say just now anyway, so she waited.

"I was struggling to face my new identity on top of the joys and rigors of a new relationship. Even without all the rest of it, divorcing John and my mother's reaction to us, that alone was no small thing for me. If I'm honest, Kate, introducing the topic of a baby and your plan for accomplishing that couldn't have come at a worse time for me. I think the ambiguities of that process played a role in my inability to book a double room for us at the hotel and triggered our breakdown."

Continuing to pin Kate's hair into place, addressing Kate but speaking softly almost as if to herself, "Your decision to go ahead with the plan only confirmed what I felt that day on the playing field and later when we discussed meeting Greg. I wasn't enough for you. I hadn't been enough for John, now I wasn't enough for you. Clearly I was inadequate." Smiling ruefully at Kate, "So, you see, I do know something about feelings of inadequacy."

Musing on, "No point in chasing after you that morning at the hotel, trying to argue you out of it. It was a fact. I was inadequate. Just as I'd always been inadequate to the task of forming a family with my parents." The hairdo complete she rested her hands on Kate's shoulders.

Their eyes met in the mirror, the soul baring had drawn Caroline's brows together hooding her eyes and Kate was stricken. "Dear God, what have I done to you, Caroline?" Kate stood abruptly, circling the bench to stand before Caroline, feeling unworthy to touch her, "I'm so sorry for hurting you, for my selfishness."

Smiling grimly, "I know you are. It doesn't matter." Turning away to place the comb on the table, Kate took her by the shoulders, turning her back.

"Yes, Caroline it does matter. It matters to our ability to have a healthy relationship. We can't just sweep these things under the carpet. How can you stay so calm?"

"Would you feel better if I ranted and railed? What good would that do?

"Have you really put Greg behind you?"

"I decided in December to put it behind me. I'm not sure what else I can do."

"What if Greg came to visit?"

Looking up sharply, "What do you mean?"

Guiltily, "I had an email from him. Just Friday." Looking apologetic, "I haven't been in the mood to talk before. He's been working out of the country since July. His contract is up in June. He said he would like to come by and see the baby if it wouldn't cause a problem. He's just curious."

"And to see you. To see the baby and to see you. You didn't say that part."

"Of course, to see all of us."

"It isn't me he wants to see, Kate." Watching her intently, "Have you been emailing?"

"I told you we did off and on last year when you and I were apart. In January when the next message came through I told him that you and I were together again and that it might be best if we didn't email for a while. And he honored that until now. Naturally, he's wondering about the birth, how we are doing."

Voice void of feeling, "Naturally."

"Caroline, there really is nothing between us but an old friendship. We rarely communicated for years, even more rarely saw one another. He doesn't have designs on Callie. He told me so. He just thought he'd like to see her if it wouldn't be a problem. If you don't want him to come here, I'll just tell him no."

Subdued, "Do we need to decide this right now, Kate?"

Feeling as though the channel of connection between them had narrowed, "No, of course not."

"I don't mean to be difficult, Kate. Or dramatic, I just…" Pulling on the jacket she had selected for her ensemble, then looking back at Kate, "I'll need to think about it, that's all."

Kate nodded as she watched Caroline step into her shoes. Returning to take Kate's hands into hers, "Lets just see Dr. Simmons this afternoon to find out what we can do to help you feel better. We can talk about this later." Kissing Kate's cheek, "I'll make some tea. Edie will be here soon."

**Cautiously Optimistic **

Kate went into Dr. Simmons inner office alone but later Caroline was called to join them. She rose, feeling very glad that she had dressed well today, not sure why she felt that she needed every layer of protection possible for this encounter.

Dr. Simmons told them that Kate was indeed suffering from a mild form of depression, confirming Edie's observation. She talked about post partum depression and recent studies that showed hormones released by breast-feeding helped mitigate the pressures many new mothers experienced such as pain, shortage of sleep and anxiety, helping to reduce depression. She explained that there were anti-depressants and estrogen therapies available but at this point the severity was not such that she would recommend them. Especially since Kate preferred to continue to breast-feed Callie. Since her depression was relatively mild this time the doctor thought they might simply monitor the situation now.

Dr. Simmons told Caroline that Kate had shared with her how withdrawn she'd been the last week or so and that the two of them had finally been able to talk today. Caroline stole a glance at Kate wondering exactly what she had said.

The doctor encouraged them to continue to work together on communication to help reduce Kate's anxiety one of the contributing factors to her condition. Smilingly she said that it would be good for both of them to talk through the issues surrounding their newfound relationship in parenting. She told Kate that she would like to see her again in a week to check how everything was going and they could decide then what, if any, further steps would be necessary.

That evening they had shared with Edie the meal she had thoughtfully prepared for them while they were away. Then they had spent time with Laurence to reassure him that their lives were normalizing again. He held the baby and as always, seemed fascinated by her. He asked innocent questions about when she would begin to sit up and crawl, which they explained would be awhile yet. Kate told him what they could expect from the little newcomer in the next few weeks and was careful that he did not see the smiles she and Caroline exchanged over his questions.

Taking Callie to the bedroom with them Kate nursed her, passing the infant to Caroline for burping, sharing the ritual. Sleeping soundly, with a full tummy she lay on the bed between them as had become their evening habit. They never tired of watching her, fascinated as Laurence by each change of expression or movement as she slept. Tonight Caroline fingered the loose bronze ringlets. "She has Greg's hair." Looking up at Kate, "but your lovely eyes."

"Are you alright with that?"

Eyes twinkling, "What would we do about it if I weren't?" Going on, "Besides, without regular visits to the hairdresser you'd soon see my strawberry blonde color coming through." Looking back at the baby, "No, genetically you couldn't have come much closer, freckles and red hair."

"And otherwise?"

Meeting Kate's eyes, "From everything you've said, I believe that he is a good person." Giving her head a tilt sideways, "Let him come to visit her when he gets back. I need to face this."

Tears welling, "Caroline, you are so good." Swallowing, "I don't know how I could have said to you what I did this morning. I am so sorry."

Reaching to wipe away a tear, "Don't. It was fear talking. Anxiety about being a good mother, I understand."

Taking the hand Caroline rested lightly on the baby and placing it on her heart, "Caroline, I have to make sure you understand this. I've told you before but I need to say it again and you might need to hear it again. It's about conception. Usually a baby is conceived because the man ejaculates, then he is a father. Whether he wants to be or not he is a father but not necessarily a Dad. With us, with Callie, that happened but it doesn't make Greg her Dad, just her biological father. You and I are her parents. Everything that you've been through this past year, with me makes you her Mum too. She is yours as much as mine. That is my true feeling about this. Do you believe me?"

Seeing the earnestness in Kate's face, "Yes, I want to."

"I want you to know it, believe it. And I want you to behave with her just as you did with the boys when they were babies. You have every right with her that I have. Even if we don't always agree on everything I will always know that you love her as much as I do. All right?"

Caroline nodded.

"I need you to tell me you understand, Caroline. This is so important."

"I do, Kate. I do understand.

"I'm glad you took the day off from work. I know you don't do that lightly. Thank you."

"I am too." Giving a searching look, "Maybe I should have done it sooner. It might have kept things from getting so... wretched." Giving a tilt of her head, "I can tend to get too involved with work." Smiling ruefully, "But you know that, you've forbidden me reading reports in bed."

Turning serious, "Kate, I can already feel myself getting sucked into the new position and we haven't even made it to the term break yet. I need you to tell me if I get too caught up into it all. Looking down briefly then into Kate's eyes, "Some of it will be inevitable but without realizing it I can take on more than I need to take on." Sheepishly, "It's how I'm wired I guess." But I don't want that to create problems for us, so I'm asking you to promise that you'll tell me as soon as you notice. I'll try to catch myself but I might not." Touching her hand, "Will you promise to call me on it? Sooner rather than later?"

Smiling into the worried face, "I will Caroline. Thank you for saying it now. I'll be watching to see that you don't overdo. Like you did with me when I was pregnant." Eyes twinkling, "My turn to boss you around."

_**Thank you to everyone who expressed support over this chapter and my struggles with it. I was quite surprised at the strength of the reactions by readers to having the original chapter pulled. This hasn't been easy to revisit but in order to be true to the story, dealing with the challenges SW so brilliantly established for these characters, it was required. The past colors the future for all of us. **_

_**Housekeeping: I'm removing the personal intro to the new chapter 44 - no need for potential new readers to have to wonder about all of that. Just to let you know that nothing else changed there. I've also tried to clean up the mismatched chapter numbering. Not sure if it worked. If not, you'll simply be reminded each time you read this story of my feet of clay, lol.**_

_**I've been very touched by those of you who have written to me personally to share your feelings and to express concern for me. I still believe that some of the world's kindest, most generous people frequent this site. Please know that I appreciate you. **_


	46. Chapter 46

_Moving right along, then._

**The Call**

Caroline and Laurence burst into the suite, laughing and bantering, laden with carrier bags of clothing from an expedition made to outfit the lad who had outgrown almost his entire wardrobe since the beginning of the year. Seeing Kate's face, Caroline recovered herself quickly and clapped a hand over Laurence's mouth. "Baby's sleeping," she whispered belatedly.

"Sorry to spoil your fun," apologized Kate, "she's just been so stroppy this morning."

Caroline, dropping her load onto the couch, "You look worried. Everything alright? Is _she_ alright? Kate?"

"I don't know. It's just…" wrinkling her face in the way Caroline always found so endearing, "she's never been like this before."

Concerned now, "You took her temperature?"

"Yes, normal. Do you think she's OK?"

Taking Kate's hand, "Lets go look in on her."

Observing the baby both women put fingers on their child detecting no sign of fever. All seemed to be fine with the sleeping infant. Tiptoeing out and pulling the door to, Caroline said, "She's sleeping soundly now." Giving Kate a sheepish look, "In spite of us. Sorry. I should know better." Finding her favorite spot on the sofa and pulling Kate down with her, "No trace of fever. We'll watch her for the rest of the day." Pushing back the perennially stray lock of hair from Kate's worried face, and trying to sound reassuring, "babies can get out of sorts sometimes too, just like the rest of us."

Pulling the vibrating phone from her pocket and peering at it from arm's length in an attempt to read the screen without glasses, Kate read for her. "John," she said in an exasperated voice, raising an eyebrow at Caroline.

The recent shopper handed over her phone with a shrug as if to say, 'I didn't want to talk to him anyway'.

"John," said Kate in the dampening sort of voice she used to quell inappropriate behavior in the classroom.

Hearing a voice he did not expect John was silent for a couple of beats. "Um. Is that… Kate?"

"Yes, what is it John?" Businesslike.

"Er, is, um, Caroline there?" Regrouping, polite.

"She's unavailable just now, what is it?" Politely impatient.

"Well, er, I could call back in a few I guess."

"It's best just to say it, John." Taking firm control.

Outmaneuvered, "Its Judith. I think she is having the baby."

"Are you at hospital?"

"No. No, here at the flat."

Exasperation instantly full on, "You'll want to get her in to the hospital then, won't you?" Getting up and turning her back on a sniggering Caroline she saw Laurence's worried face as she turned to the window.

"Thing is you see… um I'm not really good for driving just now."

Opening her mouth to let him have it for being drunk at 11:30am Kate remembered Laurence and dialed it back. In an overly patient voice, "A cab? 999?"

"I a… er… I suppose I could. Are you sure Caroline isn't there?"

Firmly, "Right John that will be the way to go then. Bye. Good luck. Bye bye."

Exchanging a look with Caroline, Kate closed her mouth on her first comment, mindful that Laurence was still present. "He's been drinking."

Before she could formulate anything else Laurence asked, "Why did you give your phone to Kate when you knew it was Dad calling?" Watching his Mum's face he recalled their conversation on New Year's Eve at the farm, and answered himself, "Patterns. Right." Just then his mobile rang. Looking at the screen he looked from one woman to the other, "Dad." Considering for a moment, Laurence held out his phone to Kate with an inquiring look.

Game, Kate took the phone and once again said firmly, "John."

"What the…. Have you confiscated everyone's phone, you mad-"

Interrupting, Kate resumed reasonably but firmly as if she were speaking to someone not quite bright, "John, Laurence is 16 what do you really expect him to do for you in this situation?" Hearing wails in the background, "I think Judith needs you John. Perhaps you should go to her assistance instead of making inappropriate calls. I'm disconnecting now so that you can take care of her."

The trio was silent for a moment considering what was happening with Judith and John. Laurence, still worried about his Dad, looked to his Mum, "Do you think I should call him back?"

Kate looked at Caroline, "He seemed lucid enough to deal with the situation at hand."

Caroline sat forward so she could take Laurence's hand. "I know this is hard for you. They _will_ both be fine. You could give them a few hours. Call later to check." Smoothing back his hair, "By then they should know if she is actually ready to have the baby or if it is a false alarm. That can happen sometimes." Grabbing both of his hands in hers she gave them a little shake, "OK?"

With a tight smile and a nod he looked over at his booty, "I may try on some of these again." Gathering up carrier bags, Laurence headed for the bedroom.

Kate looked askance at Caroline, "Was I too harsh?"

Tugging her down to the couch, she said firmly, "No, you did just right. I wonder what on earth he thought to accomplish by calling Laurence?"

Considering, Kate said, "I'm not sure if he was trying to manipulate something here or if it was intended to annoy Judith." Hoping to change the subject, "Sounded like you two had a good time this morning."

Smiling the smile with a trace of dimple on either side of her mouth, the one that always sent Kate's heart racing, "He is so excited about the fishing trip to Scotland with Angus and his dad next weekend. Well, that and the break – no school for two whole weeks." Giving Kate a long look before placing a quick kiss on her compelling lips, lingering close, eyes roving over Kate's smiling expression. "Well, maybe we're both excited about that." Lowering her voice, "Two whole weeks here with you and Callie. Next weekend. On. Our. Own. Four whole days." Leaning in again, "Delicious thought."

Caroline's phone began vibrating its way across the coffee table. As Kate reached for it Caroline pulled her into an embrace, leaning back to the sofa arm, murmuring, "leave it. It'll be John or my Mum. Either way…" Her lips covering Kate's she finds Kate tense and unresponsive, very unusual. Something's wrong. Pulling back, "Kay? What is it?"

Justifying, "your phone – it's still vibrating, I can hear Callie stirring on the monitor, do you think Laurence is really alright? Oh for the love of…" Kate snatched the offending device and punched the red square. " Sorry Caroline. Sorry, I'm just…" Looking hopelessly at the surprised face beside her, "I don't know what I am."

Becoming concerned, this is so unlike Kate who had in the last few weeks once again become her tranquil, warm-hearted self. Sitting up, "Kate. What has you so on edge today?"

Looking embarrassed, "I don't want to tell you. It sounds petty and ungrateful."

Stroking her cheek, "Oh, My Brown Eyed Girl, you could never be either of those things. Besides you can tell me anything." Gently, "You know that." Coaxing, "Tell me."

The furrow between Kate's brows deepened, "It's just that I look forward to Saturday when you are home and today you had to take Laurence shopping." Looking down at the fingers that are plucking one another, "And I had to stay in. Again." Lips quivering, "And you were having such a good time together." Hastening to add, "And I do want you to. It isn't that I'm jealous of him…" Raising eyes that looked like they were about to burst into tears, "Its… I just feel… caged. Sometimes." Rushing on, "I know I wanted a baby and I know that is part of the deal, loosing your freedom for a while-"

Caroline interrupts, "Shhhh. Taking her hands, "I understand now. I'm sorry, I should have thought of it sooner. You _have_ been kept in an awful lot this winter and spring. It's only natural that you would start to feel cooped."

After thinking a moment, "What if I call Gillian. See what is going on at the farm today?" Elbows on knees to look into Kate's face, "We could drive up to Halifax, come back this evening. It is a lovely day out for a change." Going on as if Kate will need heavy convincing, "You've barely been out of the house since Callie was born. It will do you good." Suddenly remembering, "If she's OK when she wakes. _And_ we need to give Laurence something to do besides worry about his Dad." Raising her chin defiantly, "We'll turn mobiles off and just have a good time." Pleased with her plan, "What do you say?"

Kate's smile broadening the more excited Caroline becomes, "Sure. Good." Hearing Callie she tows Caroline with her, "Lets see how she is."

**On the Way**

An hour later the Jeep was heading for Halifax. They had quickly lunched, packed an enormous baby bag and pulled wellies and layers of outerwear from their storage places, packing all into the boot of Caroline's car. Laurence, listening to his music was leaning sideways, singing softly to the fascinated face of the curly haired baby. The fact that he sang slightly out of tune bothered him not at all but had Kate wincing over her shoulder from time to time at the particularly bad notes.

Caroline, amused at this, tried to keep a straight face whenever Kate was looking at her but twinkling blue eyes gave her away.

Kate commented dryly, "He didn't get your singing voice."

Looking keenly at Kate for a moment, "Is there something else going on?"

Uncomfortable, "Is it that obvious?"

"Probably only to me. If you remember, you did ask me to call you on any moodiness."

"Kevin rang while you were out."

Surprised, "Did he? That was nice. Where is he?"

"He's in London. Only for a few days. Lots of meetings, apparently. Wednesday he's off for Sudan."

Giving her a sharp look, "I though Sudan had settled down."

Troubled, "It did. For a bit. Now it seems to be heating up again, which is why they are trying to get medical teams in before the border closes."

"Oh no." Taking Kate's hand and placing it on her leg, it occurred to her to wonder, "Do you think your being upset could have anything to do with Callie's mood this morning?"

Discomfited, "Possibly."

With a reassuring pat, "She seems fine now. Of course, driving always seems to sooth babies." Reflecting, "Too bad Kevin couldn't come up to see Callie." Then she quickly added, "And you and your Mum."

Grinning broadly, "You aren't proud of her at all are you?"

Caught, Caroline shrugged with that self-deprecating smile, "Well…" Giving Kate another glance, "Other than the news of his next posting did the two of you have a good chat? Is he well?" So Kate went on to tell Kevin's news.

Hearing above his music that they were talking about something interesting for a change, Laurence pulled the earbuds out and joined in the conversation. Kevin had struck just the right notes with Laurence and he could not get enough stories of Kevin.

**At the Farm**

Gillian emerged from the barn as they stopped in the wide farmyard. Since the day was unusually warm and still, she brought out chairs to sit against the south facing wall which reflected the sun's warmth back to them. Raf, tools in hand took Laurence up to the top of the fields to inspect a bit of fence that had looked weak to his Mum the last time she was there.

"I called Dad and your Mum to see if they wanted to come over this afternoon but Harry has them out on the canal today since the weather is so fine. They are staying over, wherever they come to a likely place."

The three women watched Calamity, in her overall, gambol around at their feet, as spry as the lambs that jumped and played in the pasture beyond the gate. After a foray inside to wash up and make tea, Gillian held Callie and they spent a happy hour discussing all of their children and Emily Jane as babies. Eventually taking a restless Emily Jane by the hand Gillian asked the women, "Like to walk down and see the lambs up close." Looking fondly at the little girl, "That is one of Calamities favorite pastimes."

Kate stood with a restive Callie, "time for a change and a feeding I think. I'll just go in and do that while it is quiet inside." Smiling at Caroline, "Go ahead with Gillian and Emily Jane."

Doubtful, "Sure?"

With a reassuring smile, "We'll be fine, Laurence took her bag in before he left."

Walking Kate, with Callie in her arms, up the steep tilting concrete steps Caroline received a more than polite kiss as a thank you. In her warm low voice, "Go and have some fun, I'm just where I want to be." She bestowed another slow kiss for Caroline to savor until later before heading on to the house.

Gillian, turning in time to observe the last kiss was still grinning as Caroline spun from watching Kate through the door to descend to the farmyard again. Firmly grasping the plaid flannel covered shoulder to push Gillian ahead of her toward the lamb enclosure, "Moving right along, then."

"So, the two of you look pretty pleased with yourselves." Eyes twinkling merrily, "Very happy." Seeing the red rash of embarrassment creeping up Caroline's neck Gillian was pretty pleased with herself as well. Any time she could put the naturally confident Caroline off balance it tickled her.

"Laurence doing OK with the new addition?"

"Yes, better than I might have thought actually." Smiling, "He's very sweet with her. Sings to her in the car." Laughing, "Of course that makes the rest of us want to get out but she seems to like it." Wondering if she should even bring it up in light of history, Caroline found herself saying, "We had a bit of an upset this morning." Seeing Gillian's face, added quickly, "Not over Callie. John called to say that Judith was having the baby.

"Really? What did they have?"

"He called to say that she was in labor, not that she'd had the baby.

"He called Laurence to tell him that?"

"He called me first. Drunk."

Taken aback, "You? He called you. His ex-wife. To tell you that his pregnant girlfriend is giving birth?"

Shrugging, "Apparently."

"What did you say?"

Looking away, "I gave the phone to Kate."

Howling with laughter, "Coward." More laughing, "What did she say?"

Barely withholding her laughter now, "to get off the phone and call 999."

Kate gazing out the picture window saw the two moving slowly, walking sideways, hands on one another's shoulder and laughing so hard they were bending slightly forward. Smiling to see Caroline have a good time she was pleased that they had come up this afternoon. Caroline didn't have many friends that she could be herself with. She didn't count. That was different. They were so much more than that to one another that it got complicated sometimes. She'd had a good chat with Kevin this morning and in spite of her worry at his going into harms way, the talk had done her good. Smiling again to see that the three had reached the fence and Caroline and Gillian each stood with an arm around the little girl standing on the second rung of the fence. Caroline needed this.

Looking over a tow head, "So, you and John. Your not still friends? Maybe I shouldn't have…"

"No. No. NO." Looking decidedly sheepish, "Last time he called here, I handed the phone to Robbie. That ended that." Realizing that she had just jumped out of the frying pan into the fire it was Gillian who turned a dull red face to Caroline. Seeing the speculative look there she quickly turned back to her sheep.

Smile gone now, Caroline continued to regard her. "So, how is that going?"

Staring into the distance, "Fine. Fine. Turning to Caroline, "I can't believe how much difference it makes on the farm to have a man take on things the way Robbie has."

Looking at her stepsister appraisingly, "Good. I'm glad." Not wanting to think today about the potential consequences of Gillian and Robbie if things went sour between them, she was grateful to hear the creak of the upper gate.

Gillian looked beyond Caroline's shoulder to see Raf and Laurence, on their way down.

"Mum! Mum, Raf says he'll show me how to drive the tractor if you say its OK. You will won't you? Please?"

Caroline, looking at Gillian for guidance, "I'll um, give him the crash course," looking at both boys pointedly, "safety rules and all," before looking back at Caroline, "if it is OK with you?"

Nodding at Gillian, "I'll take this little one up to the house, she looks like she could use a rest break."

Seeing the sagging backside of the little girl Caroline had by the hand, Gillian looked exasperated, "Are you sure?"

"Yep, yeah. I've got this." Turning to Laurence, brows raised, she said pointedly, "Follow instructions."

Grinning, "I will Mum, I will." Racing off, Laurence threw a charming, "thank you," over his shoulder.

Smiling fondly after him for a moment, Caroline realized again how mature he was becoming. How soon he would be off into the world after his brother. Gillian seeing the look on her face gave her a commiserating glance and patted her on the shoulder before setting off after the boys.

Caroline, looking down at her new charge, "Come on miss, let's find something clean to wear."

**Going home**, "That was nice Caroline, I'm glad you suggested this visit. Gillian is a good cook. Simple food, well prepared is always good, isn't it?" Registering Caroline's answering smile, Kate glanced over her shoulder at Laurence, head back listening to music again. Quietly she asked, "anything more from John?"

Caroline looked in the rear view mirror before whispering, "he can hear over the music."

Kate mouthed, "Oh." Then, "I saw you laughing with Gillian while you watched the sheep. It was good to see you having a good time."

Smiling a little sadly, "I was sorry to leave you in the house alone though."

I wasn't alone, I was with Callie." Happy that Caroline had been thinking about her, Kate leaned over and placed a sweet kiss on the side of her face.

"He can see too." Came a bored but cheeky voice from the back seat. Both women burst into laughter, Caroline looking into the mirror in time to catch his grin and Kate turned to give his muscled knee a playful whack. Clearly he was no longer the oblivious boy who noticed only food and Xbox.


	47. Chapter 47

**Homecoming**

As her heels tap across the parquet floor of the foyer to the art deco door that opens into home, Caroline feels her expression lift, as do her spirits, each time she approaches this entry. Home. Homecoming. Home to Kate. She knows now the exact point when the excitement begins to vibrate in her. It is the moment when there is no other business to keep her from going home. To Kate. No more stops to make, nothing else to pick up, no one to drop off, taking the most efficient route, a straight path. Home, to Kate.

The cares of the day drop away as her attention is captured by the thought of Kate, at home, waiting for her. The ever-present hum of her love for Kate, the hum she has managed to push with varying degrees of success, to the back of her consciousness all day, comes to the fore and consumes her interest. If Laurence is in the car, speaking to her it takes a real effort to focus on him, what he is saying.

Laurence has come to realize that this is not the best time to try to talk to his Mum anymore. If he waits until dinner or later she will be more relaxed and ready to hear him. It didn't used to be this way but like many other things that have happened these last months he is learning to go with it.

Caroline normally prefers to take the stairs from the parking garage. Besides wanting the exercise, she knows there is less chance of running into other residents, thus reducing the need for exchanging greetings or small talk that will delay her homecoming. Today she is alone. Laurence went to 'study' with Marla, the girl he had taken to the recent school dance. He would ride his bike home. Because Caroline is fully laden she passes the front desk and waits for the lift. She totes a carrier bag filled with exercise books Kate has agreed to mark for the Languages substitute who is struggling with the workload Kate used to manage so well. Her own briefcase is full of reports to review before the Board of Governors meeting next Thursday. The refrain is louder now, 'Kate. Home. Kate. Home. To Kate.'

Receiving no reply to her greeting, Mrs. Nelson concernedly tells Martin, the evening desk clerk as she watches Caroline step into the lift, "They must work Dr. Elliot very hard over at that school of hers, she's so knackered at night she can barely speak. Nice as anything usually, her and Kate."

Stride lengthening across the foyer, anticipation building, key in lock, the wide door swings smoothly back to reveal… home.

Always when Kate is home, the first welcome is music. Sometimes soft and mellow, other days a driving beat; classical, contemporary, the latest release, raucous and wild or a composition she has never heard before, it doesn't matter, music is the presence of Kate. Her life now has a soundtrack, for wherever Kate is, music is. The first note that strikes her ear, often before she's even turned the latch, replaces the thrumming in her ears - the vibration mellows once more to the constant hum of Kate's life force in the world, the hum that resides in her wherever she is, no matter where Kate is.

But the restlessness doesn't leave until her eye falls on Kate. Beautiful Kate. Kate, her lightening rod. Kate, who completes her, makes her whole again. Her eyes rake the room until they settle on Kate and her eyes are met by that incomparable brown-eyed gaze, the eyes that see her with the love light always fully lit for her. The slow smile warms Kate's face at her inexorable approach. Enchanted eternally by the play of light and shadow on flawless skin, the hue so fascinatingly changeable. Only warm soft waiting lips can close her eyes to this vision.

Today, the music is pastoral, the strings tender, the only other sound is the murmur of Kate's voice, "There's your Momma I can hear her key."

Mid sentence Kate catches the widening image of Caroline as she enters, pushing the door closed behind her without a backward glance. Sees the deliciously daft look that always comes across Caroline's face when she spots her. Kate employs the pause, to absorb the magnificent vision that is Caroline McKenzie-Elliot. The linen dress she often wears in summer, black belt accentuating the womanly figure, the smart black jacket that screams 'Dr. Elliot', and the agonizingly high heels, which match the dress. Even after almost six months together, the sudden sight of Caroline can still take her breath away, fill her mouth with water until she remembers to swallow.

Caroline takes in Kate, stretched full length on the long wide lapped couch they'd selected together, specifically for this room, head and shoulders propped on a cushion at one end, face to face with the infant levering herself up on wobbly arms. The sight tractors Caroline into the room, dropping her handbag, the carrier bag and briefcase along the way. Caroline moves gracefully to her knees beside them. Admiringly, "You two look lovely."

"We've just finished a feeding and are having a little look around."

Torn between which to kiss first, Caroline finally bestows a light kiss on the bronze curls of the baby but her eyes are fastened on Kate. By simply turning her head Kate's lips are within range. After a gentle lingering kiss, Caroline, considering whether she might insert herself onto the wide lapped couch with mother and child asks, "Laurence?"

"Any time now," as her mouth reaches for Caroline's again, greedy for this moment together. Caroline's responsive kiss is interrupted by the sharp tug of her hair being pulled. Emitting a loud, "Eooww!" her head is jerked back as the baby tugs again. Kate, startled, finally sees past Caroline's face to the baby fingers firmly enmeshed in the blonde up-do, intently trying to bring the prize to her mouth. Kate's face breaking into a broad smile at the sight, she grabs the small arm, preparing to disengage the tiny fingers but only succeeds in producing another loud outcry from Caroline just as Laurence pops through the door.

Glancing up and seeing the expression on Laurence's face at the sight of them, Kate bursts into outright laughter which doesn't make her more efficient at parting Caroline's hair from Callie's grip. Laurence, transfixed by the sight of his smartly dressed Mum knelt on the floor, head back, alternately calling out 'yeouch!' and 'Kate!' Kate is laughing so hard now that it takes her almost a full minute to extricate Caroline. Finally freed, Caroline looks up into Laurence's face, his eyebrow raised as he shakes his head and moves off for the kitchen in search of sustenance.

Rising quickly and giving Kate a wide eyed, 'I'll tend to you later' look, Caroline homes in on the baby, now craning back to keep Caroline's bright head in sight and bends to pick her off her mother's tummy. Following Laurence into the kitchen, she regards the child in awe, "Who knew you were so strong?" Reaching Laurence she is determined to pretend the whole thing never happened. "Have a good day?"

Laurence, just before dropping an entire biscuit into his mouth, "Yep."

Giving him a disapproving look, "hold off now, it'll be supper soon."

Looking around the immaculate kitchen, "you sure?"

"Roast chicken sandwiches and salad, all in the refrigerator. Won't be long," answered Kate in a choky voice, trying valiantly to stop laughing.

Laurence, backpack still over one shoulder takes the sprite from his mother's arms. As he carries her toward the bedroom passage, he tells Callie confidentially, "They _are_ very weird sometimes." Then with a sigh, "You'll just have to get used to it."

At this two women's eyes meet and they break into fresh laughter. Moving together, arms wrapping around one another, Kate sobering slightly, attempts an apologetic look through barely suppressed laughter, "Sorry. Sorry, the sight of Dr. Elliot knelt on the floor, head back, yowling at the hand of a tiny baby was priceless but then, the look on Laurence's face, it was just too much." Breaking forth again at the recalled image, Kate's hold on Caroline loosens and she breaks away.

Giving Kate a self-deprecating grin, Caroline says, "Right. Well, I'm going to get changed."

Following eagerly, "I'll help." Receiving only a doubtful look from Caroline over her shoulder, Kate calls, "Laurence, have you got her?"

"Yep. Please make up fast, I'm starving."

Closing the door as she watches Caroline shed her jacket, "Do we need to make up?"

Without looking at her, hanging up the garment, "Oh, It was all in fun, wasn't it?"

Stepping up behind, letting her fingers run over linen covered ribs that expand at her touch, then move down to soft tissue, pulling the body of Caroline full against her. They luxuriate in this for a moment, Caroline's head lolling back until her cheek finds Kate's for a moment. Then, fingers on the belt buckle, Kate puts her face in Caroline's hair to inhale her scent.

Caroline takes the belt, freeing slowly exploring fingers to press on but she moves deliberately away with a deep sighing breath.

Laurence's voice just outside the door, "Kate, I think she needs a change."

Clearing her throat to a semblance of normalcy, Kate calls, "You can."

Hearing Laurence's groan as he moves away, both women smile but not at each other. Caroline won't turn, can't turn to look at Kate. If she does, she knows there'll be no resistance left in her.

As Caroline steps out of her shoes, Kate moves in again, runs the zipper down with one hand and follows it with the back of her other hand, smoothing, studying the freckles as they appear over the spine. Pleased with the long slow audible intake of breath, she runs her hand slowly back up, widening the opening, bending to place a series of kisses to the tops of exposed shoulders, following cinnamon colored spots up the slender neck.

Straightening to her full height and pulling her shoulders down, an effort at control, yet reveling in the sensation, Caroline warns, "K-aa-te."

Turning her by the shoulders to ease the dress down, Kate lets her eyes follow the rim of the dress lower and lower. Lingering over creamy speckled loveliness supported by a lacy tan bra-

From just outside the door, "Kate? Um. Its not only wet." "Kate?" "Mum?"

Caroline is working to keep back her smile, watching the emotions fight on Kate's face, motherhood against wifehood. In truth, she is as disappointed as Kate. She'd simply known from the start it would be no use. Reclaiming control of her dress, chin tucked, voice regretful, "You know it doesn't work. Not this time of day."

The pleading from outside the door continues, "Kate? Can you help?"

Unable to keep a trace of impatient sharpeness from her voice, "Yes, Laurence! I'll meet you in the nursery." A brief pause, her eyes never leaving the figure before her, voice quieter, "In a moment."

Moving back in Kate delivers a kiss that removes all trace of amusement from Caroline's eyes. Relinquishing the weakened body, Kate leans in to whisper, "every time I look at you this evening, I'll be seeing you like this." Reaching the door she looks back to find Caroline stood stock still, clutching the now crushed dress to her middle, swallowing hard and blinking back at her. Smiling to herself at this small victory Kate pulls the door shut behind her.

**A Perfect Evening**

They had dined as Callie napped then, putting the kitchen to rights, the women chatted with Laurence about his plans for the promised Birthday picnic. It was to be a field day on The Stray for all his friends. Laurence's birthday fell in February. This year the winter months had been full of changes for all of them. Moving into the new flat, getting settled, almost immediately planning the wedding and on top of that it had been a season of relentless snow and biting winds with all of Yorkshire hunkering down and staying indoors as much as possible.

At the time, they had discussed with Laurence his idea of the perfect 16th birthday party and it turned out that he would like nothing more than a day outdoors with all his friends, offering an assortment of games and of course, mounds of his favorite foods. So, while the great day had been commemorated with the extended family at the new flat in February, promises had been made for a field day on The Stray after school let out for Summer Break.

Tonight Laurence sat at the breakfast bar writing out the lists dictated by his Mum and Kate while they cleaned the kitchen. It was rather early for planning but the party was on everyone's mind so they had begun the preliminary process. Since space on The Stray was no issue, invitations were being extended to the parents and siblings of each of Laurence' s friends as well. Of course, Celia, Alan, Edie and the Greenwoods were invited, the more the merrier, fun and games for all.

When the baby woke the two women moved on to the ever-fascinating process of bathing her. Callie liked her bath, cooing and splashing while her Mums marveled over her perfection. Laurence unable to resist the urge, popped in from time to time to check on progress. This completed they settled to begin the movie thriller Laurence had cajoled them into watching with him.

Kate sat on the end of the sofa beyond Laurence's line of vision with Callie who was now ready to nurse. She and Caroline had agreed that nursing was a natural process, which did not need to be restricted to the nursery if done discreetly. They had no wish to embarrass Laurence but neither did they want to give him prudish ideas about the process. He hadn't been overtly curious, mostly he just ignored the whole thing and being Laurence was totally capable of sometimes not even being aware of it at all.

Laurence did like to bottle feed Callie when the opportunity presented itself and was quite taken with the little package. Due to his winter growth spurt the newborn Callie had fit neatly into his arm, her bottom in the palm of his hand, her head not quite reaching his elbow. He'd inspected her gravely, accepted coaching from his Mum on how to hold her and the importance of supporting her head. He had never been around an infant before and both Caroline and Kate were touched at the way he sprang at any opportunity to hold her and how he made his way directly to her each afternoon on his way in from school.

Tonight, her feeding complete, they'd passed her around among them until she fell asleep in Laurence's arms and Caroline rose to take her to her cot. Returning she curled with Kate on the couch in one of their favorite positions. Kate began to massage the tired feet that had carried Caroline through the corridors of Sulgrave Heath all week. At Caroline's groan of appreciation, Laurence glanced over saying cheekily, "pipe down you two, we're getting to the good part," as he pressed Plus on the remote's volume control.

The movie wasn't bad but not nearly as thrilling to either woman as the body snuggling in closer and closer. While Kate had been working out the kinks in the hard done by feet, Caroline was gently massaging Kate's shoulders. As fingers began snaking suggestively up the calf of her leg Caroline let her fingertips graze Kate's neck into her hairline producing the usual shivers and writhing. Oh, they were in so much trouble if Laurence wanted to discuss this movie when it was over. As the credits began to roll they preempted any such thought on Laurence's part by announcing their intention to retire before Callie woke for her next feeding and left him to watch the next video on his own.

The two women were at the baby's cot for a quick look. Caroline's fingers slipped under Kate's loose fitting top, found the clasp on her bra and unhooked it allowing her hand to reach around to fill itself with the heaviness of Kate. Bending her head in front of a leaning Kate, she covered the gasping lips and brought them upright as both hands now supported a delicious weight, eliciting a moan from Kate which told Caroline they needed to move this to their own room.

Once inside the door, their hands couldn't move quickly enough to discard unwanted garments, Kate's suspicions confirmed that Caroline had omitted wearing a bra that evening. They hadn't been this frantic for a long while, usually their lovemaking was unhurried and deliberate but not tonight. Tonight they could not get close enough fast enough, clasping and crushing together urgently, frenzied kisses with active tongues and probing fingers increasing their rush.

Intently, they established a rhythm that had them each emitting desperate sounds that drove the other wilder and wilder, until finally, they smothered the cries of their climaxes by pressing their mouths against convenient flesh. Held in one another's arms they swayed on smiling through residual pleasures.

Caroline sprawled on the bed, pulling Kate on top of her. Their urgency had been reduced but they were still tightly coiled. Kate's mouth found Caroline's, her lips and tongue soft and sensuous. Pulling back to survey the resulting fire in blue eyes, she met the rising lips again before bringing her knees either side of Caroline's thighs to crouch low above her. Caroline pushing back Kate's hair, saw the passion flaring in brown eyes dark with desire. "I want you, Caroline."

Kate's whisper husky and low sent a jolt through Caroline but she only whispered back with a wicked smile, "I think you've had me."

"I still need you." Uttered just before she covered Caroline's mouth with another soft sensuous kiss.

Reaching for a pillow to tuck beneath the blonde head, Kate straightened to sit on Caroline's hips, her inability to be still and the intense tone of her name in Kate's mouth had her searching Kate's face again.

Sliding forward to sit astride her stomach, questioning, "Caroline?"

Understanding now, a small smile played on Caroline's face. Letting her hands caress their way down shades of sepia toned skin to rest on smooth hips, "Tell me."

Undulating above Caroline, "I need to feel your mouth on me."

Caroline's fingers pressed her forward while lustful eyes roved the body perched above her.

Eyes still on Caroline's, Kate advanced, her breathing audible, anticipation in her voice, "Caroline." Then Caroline's mouth was on her, the sheer rapture of it arched her back and head. The sound that escaped seemed to spur Caroline on. Feeling the velvet tongue on her, in her, Kate only just managed to hang on to her self control. And then she couldn't giving a cry that said she'd entirely forgotten they weren't alone.

When it came time to break off, Caroline smiled into a silken thigh. Belatedly she groped for Kate's mouth with a freed hand to have several fingers sucked in, so Caroline inserted fingers of her other hand where her tongue had just been laughing softly, "Shh, your going to have to be quiet this time. Her tongue found her again and Kate's breathing became ragged and uneven. Caroline suspected that the slower she moved the faster Kate would come and proved her theory. Kate's body contorted, thrusting onto fingers that stayed with her through wave after wave until she rolled to the far side of the bed with a tortured groan knowing what would happen if she stayed and she didn't think she had the stamina for another orgasm tonight.

Caroline's low sensuous laugh followed her and Kate felt the warmth of Caroline resting upon her, the mildly taunting face above hers, "You alright?"

Kate nodded, still without breath to speak. She both felt and heard Caroline's laugh this time, then, as fingers caressed her face and hair once more, "Oh, My Brown Eyed Girl, you are so beautiful."


	48. Chapter 48

**What's Wrong**

Startled awake Caroline grabbed for her phone, Laurence's ring tone, why was he calling in the middle of the night. "Laurence. What's wrong?" Glancing at the bedside clock she grasped that it was only 10:15pm. They must have only just drifted off. How could she have been sleeping so soundly?

"Mum! Mum."

Swinging her legs over the side of the bed. "Laurence, why is the baby crying?" Registering how close to the phone the sound originated, "Are you holding him? Is everything alright?"

Panicked, "Mum, they are so pissed and they aren't doing anything about him. They've been drinking all evening and Judith's passed out. Dad can't even tell me what to do for him. Mum. Mum."

"OK, Laurence, stay calm, I'll be there as soon as I can. When was the last time he was fed?" Putting the phone to her chest and turning to Kate who was sitting beside her now, "I'm sorry Kate, I _have_ to go. They're blotto and Laurence is alone with the baby."

"Dunno. I didn't notice."

"Is Judith breast feeding or is there formula in the house?"

"Mum!"

Smiling slightly in spite of the situation, "Laurence do you want my help or not?"

"Formula, I guess. I saw Dad mixing some powdered stuff earlier."

"Look in the refrigerator and see if there are any bottles made up."

"One."

"Right. Good. I'll walk you through heating it properly, then change his nappy and feed him."

All the while coaching Laurence, Caroline pantomimed her exasperation and apologies to Kate as she was pulling on the clothes she had taken off such a short time ago. "I'll be there as soon as I can, Laurence. Bye. B-Bye"

"I'm so sorry Kate, I can't just leave him there like that. Well," a new thought occurring to her, "either of them really." Raising her exasperated face to the ceiling, "Dear God, will I never be through cleaning up John's messes?"

Standing to take Caroline into her arms. "Would you like me to come with you?"

Surprised and pleased, "Would you?"

Softly, "We said_ wherever you go I will go_ didn't we?"

Giving Kate the timid smile that always turned her legs weak, "We did," she admitted. "Guess, I'm just not used to getting this kind of support."

Giving her a meaningful look with a crook of her eyebrow, "Time you started then." Turning to find some clothes, "You get Callie and put her into her car seat and I'll put together some things we might need. From what you've said there is no telling what we'll find there."

Frozen in place by Kate's generosity under these trying circumstances Caroline reached for her just as the top she was pulling on settled onto her shoulders, "I love you, you know."

Kissing the upturned lips soundly and seeing the emotion taking over the face so vulnerable without its customary make up. Just to keep the tears they didn't have time for from welling into blue eyes she said cheekily, "Yes, and well you might."

Once in the Jeep, Caroline admitted, "I've been wondering how things were going over there since they brought the baby home. I was a little surprised the authorities allowed them to keep him after Judith's middle of the night drunken fall took them to Casualties that time."

"Laurence will be fine, he is quite good with Callie, you know."

Beaming, "Yes, he is isn't he? I wasn't sure how he would really react to her."

"He makes a beeline for her every afternoon when he comes in. Picks her up and cuddles her, talks to her, he'll even change her nappy now if he thinks I don't notice."

"Really?"

"He is sweet with her. He takes care to hold her properly, supporting her head."

Hearing Kate's sniff, "Are you crying?"

"I'm just so pleased at how he has accepted her." Giving a short try at a laugh, "Sometimes I think he's still not quite sure about _me_ but _she_ has him wrapped round her little finger."

Taking Kate's hand and placing it on her leg, patting it twice before returning both hands to the wheel, "I thought things were fine between you. You always seem to be having fun when I come in." Looking straight ahead, "I… I've been a little jealous once or twice at how much fun the two of you were having."

Surprised. "Were you? You didn't say."

Shrugging, "Well."

Mischievously, "Which of us were you jealous of?"

Giving out that headmistress look, before the vulnerable expression reappeared, "Both." Looking out the windscreen again. "You for getting to spend time with him and him for getting to spend time with you." Considering for a moment whether to share the rest, "I could feel a little... left out... sometimes."

Stricken, "Oh Caroline!" Putting both hands on her leg now, "You didn't?"

Not looking at Kate, shrugging a little, "It was nice to come home to laughter and banter instead of… unpleasantness, but there didn't seem to be a place for me to fit in sometimes."

Squeezing her leg, "I knew you were quiet some nights at supper but I thought you were just tired. Working so much on the new school, helping me with the baby and coaching Laurence with homework in the evenings, keeping up with your Mum and Alan. Everything." Thinking back and feeling guilty in retrospect for not realizing, "Caroline, neither of us meant to make you feel that way. I am sorry."

Tilting her head as a type of shrug and giving a tight smile, "I know you didn't. I feel petty even mentioning it."

Gripping the jeans clad knee with both hands that still rested there, Kate implored earnestly, "Caroline, you do know that there is nothing so small that you can't share it with me, don't you?"

Giving her a genuine smile now and briefly raising the back of her fingers to Kate's cheek, "I do know that. I just… forget… now and again."

Another squeeze as Kate looks intently at the side of Caroline's face, "Well, please don't."

They drove on for a while in silence before Caroline asked quietly, "What are we going to do about this situation tonight? We can't just leave the baby there. We can't stay until they sober up. Even if there were a place to sit the place is a pigsty. Besides we have Callie and Laurence to consider."

Kate stating the obvious, "and if we call in the authorities, the baby will go into care. Permanently maybe."

Exchanging a long look before going back to watching the passing nightscape, both women turn the predicament over in their minds. After a while, "What're you thinking, Caroline?"

"Oh, Kate. I don't know."

"You don't want to see this baby go into the care system do you?"

"No right minded person wants to see a child go into care, do they?" she protested.

"An infant would be adopted almost immediately you know."

Putting her head into the hand with its elbow propped against the windowsill, "I know."

Watching speculatively Kate said nothing more.

**Decision Time**

Laurence opened the door at their first knock, a tiny bundle in the crook of his arm. Caroline choked a bit at the sight of her boy looking so manly, holding the baby so protectively. She stepped near to inspect the little property. Softly, "Laurence, he looks just like you when you were born."

"Do you think?" he asked a proudly.

Looking up she realized that his eyes were now slightly higher than hers. Putting a hand to his cheek, "You did well, he's sleeping soundly."

Kate, searching for a clear space to rest the detachable carrier portion of the car seat they'd brought in so as not to disturb Callie, turned to exchange a look of disbelief with Caroline at the disorder. Kicking aside shoes and jackets Caroline made a place for Kate to deposit the carrier.

Surveying the cluttered room they saw Judith passed out on the sofa and John raise his head from the back of his chair only long enough to see who had disturbed his stupor.

Caroline, rolling her eyes, looked from Kate to Laurence both standing by waiting for her pronouncement. "Clearly there is no point trying to talk to either of these two tonight." Taking the baby, "Laurence, find your Dad's keys and check his car for the baby's car seat, put it into my car." Cautioning him, "be sure you get it in securely."

Turning to Kate to get her reaction, Caroline found herself being regarded with arched eyebrows and a speculative look. Turning away quickly, "Right, we'll just find some of his things and pack them up to take with us."

Sighing softly to herself Kate moved through the room picking out items that belonged to the baby, even though most of them were soiled. Caroline moved to the kitchenette to find a canister of formula with barely enough in the bottom to make one more bottle and a sink full of used baby bottles. Picking up a grocery carrier from the counter she held it with the hand of the arm she used to cradle the dark haired sleeping infant and began tossing in what would be needed.

Handing this to a returning Laurence, "take the bag Kate has and put it all in the boot."

Placing the now stretching baby into Kate's arms, she watched with amusement as he immediately started rooting against her searchingly. Unable to contain her grin, Caroline met Kate's glance.

Quickly shifting the infant to her shoulder and giving Caroline a roll of the eyes, Kate went in search of blankets to protect her charge from the night air.

Her smile fading, Caroline turned to the rat's nest of a desk to find a pen and paper with which to leave a note for the parents who may or may not be concerned as to the whereabouts of their son when they came to.

**Are You Cross?**

Collapsing into the bed beside Kate, Caroline read 2:30 on the clock. They had stopped at an all night shop on the way back to replenish formula and nappy supplies and returned to the suite to stack the used bottles into the dishwasher, mix formula for the night and run a load of baby clothes through the washer/dryer. After feeding both infants again and bathing the neglected boy they were more than ready to catch a little sleep before the next feeding.

"Caroline…" Kate began.

"Oh Kate, I'm exhausted. Can we save this conversation until morning?"

Nodding and yawning Kate turned onto her side. Caroline wrapping around her, kissed the soft hollow between Kate's shoulder blades and murmured, "Are you cross?"

Tucking the caressing hand under her breast, "No Caroline, just tired." And they slept.


	49. Chapter 49

**Babies are Fundamental**

Waking to full daylight streaming through the south facing windows, Caroline gently disentangled herself from a sleeping Kate. Donning a robe, she checked the nursery, finding it and Laurence's room empty started for the living area. She stopped short at the sight of Laurence on the floor, propped against the sofa, alternately talking softly to Callie on his arm and scratching the tummy of a bright-eyed, dark haired infant in Callie's bounce chair. Seeing her in the doorway, Laurence said softly, "Hi Mum. Tea in the pot if you want some."

"Who are you and what have you done with my son?" Caroline beamed as she headed to the kitchen.

Continuing in the quiet voice, with a sheepish grin on his face, "I figured it was the least I could do since you came out to rescue me so late last night. They woke one after the other with just enough time to deal with each one." Watching his Mum seat herself beside him, an arm on the sofa behind his back with that loving look she could give him sometimes, Laurence felt really good. "I found a bottle for Callie that Kate had left in the fridge," he explained.

Caroline ruffled his hair, "You're getting good at this." Smiling into his eyes, "I'm very proud of you." After a pause where they continued to make eye contact, "Not just for this morning. For taking charge of the situation last night, asking for help. You did the right thing."

Looking doubtful, "I wasn't sure. I know you've been trying to get Dad out of your life. Let him deal with his own problems. But… it didn't seem fair to this little guy." Placing his whole hand protectively over the dark haired baby in the seat, "he didn't ask for any of that."

"So, do you have a sense of what's been happening there since they brought him home from hospital?"

Laurence shrugged, "Dunno really. Dad's lecturing full time now so he can't be pissed all the time can he?" Looking up from the baby, "To hear him tell it, he's been doing most of the caring for the little bloke." Thinking back, "Dad was fine when he picked me up. Then at the flat they started in on each other and he got to drinking."

Hugging Laurence's shoulder against her, "I'm sorry you've had this to deal with. I'm sorry about everything between me and your Dad, the whole degrading mess."

"Mum, it wasn't your fault that Dad was…"

"I know, not that part but I could have handled everything so much better. _Should_ have handled it better. I regret everything that you and William had to go through because of us."

"But, its so much better now though, isn't it?"

Leaning back a little to look at him properly, "Is it?"

Looking a little embarrassed, "At least since Kate got over… whatever… after Callie was born.

Wanting to be sure he understood and didn't worry that it would happen again, "A temporary imbalance. It can happen after giving birth." With a hand on his shoulder, "That's behind us now."

Watching her face he gave a slight nod, "Your both so happy these days." Looking back at the sleeping baby in his arms, "It would be hard not to be happy for you."

"Oh Laurence."

He could see tears forming in her eyes as she gave him that loving look again. Saw her wiping away a couple that escaped, "But how is it for you now?"

Looking at the little boy in the bounce seat, "Lots better than it is for him."

"What do you think we ought to do about that?"

Surprised, "You're asking me?"

"Well, he is your little brother."

Studying her face for a moment, the worry showing now, Laurence whispered, "We can't just leave him there, can we Mum?"

"We could call in the authorities. Likely they'd put him into the care system at least temporarily."

"Couldn't we just keep him Mum? I'll help. I already help with Callie a little." Sitting up straighter, "I'll help with both of them Mum. There's three of us, we could manage."

"Is that what you'd want?" Looking at him levelly, "He isn't a puppy Laurence. A baby is a long-term commitment. A lot to take on."

Looking down now to hide his emotion, "I wouldn't like to think that he was out there somewhere and we didn't know him. Didn't know what was happening to him."

Sighing deeply, Caroline drew his head against hers as they both looked at the contented baby in the bouncy chair, drifting into sleep. Hearing a sound she looked up to find Kate leaning against the breakfast bar watching them, a serious look on her face. Caroline quailed a little inside, wondering how much she had heard and what she was thinking.

Eyes on Kate while giving Laurence a squeeze Caroline released him and got up, "Tea's probably gone cold by now, I'll make a fresh pot." Smiling hopefully at Kate she got an inscrutable look in return.

Laurence seeing the silent looks exchanged decided he'd rather be elsewhere. Rising, "Think I'll get dressed now that the two of you are up." Meeting Kate in the middle of the room, "shall I put her in her cot?"

Kate gave him a warm smile, "Thank you Laurence, she'll sleep better there."

Taking her seat at the breakfast bar Kate watched Caroline glide efficiently around the kitchen, making tea and toast. She wondered yet again if the sight of Caroline would ever stop filling her mouth with water and putting that feeling in the pit of her stomach. Swallowing as Caroline turned with a smile to place a cup of tea and plate of toast before her. Kate saw that Caroline had not missed the look on her face by the way she pulled in her chin and gave her that flirtatious smile.

Receiving a firm look in return Caroline knew she would not get by that easily. She took her seat around the corner of the breakfast bar so she could see Kate's face. Knowing that a 'conversation' was about to take place she opened it herself. "How long were you standing there?"

"Long enough."

"You heard him then?"

"Yes. And heard you and saw your face."

Stalling, "Well, babies are fundamental, aren't they?"

Remembering _that_ conversation and giving a warning look, "You've fallen in love with him, haven't you? The pair of you."

Using her charm for all it was worth now, "I fell in love with Callie when she was just fuzzy dots on a monitor."

Sighing deeply, "Caroline." Her eyes pleading, "Two babies? Barely two months apart?"

Pressing her advantage, Caroline scooted closer to Kate and took her hand, "You always wanted a family."

Defensively, "Caroline."

"Come on. It'll be fun." Sobering, "You _know_ what it is to have a brother. I was always on my own. Alone with them." Looking down and then up into softened brown eyes, "Do you really want her to grow up an only child if there's a choice?"

Lamely, "She has Laurence and Will."

Gently reproving, "You know they'll be more like uncles than brothers."

Searching the hopeful face, "There are so many considerations, Caroline. It isn't like you to rush into something like this."

Giving a tilt to her head and looking sheepish, "I know."

When nothing more was forthcoming, "We have to discuss this properly. Besides, you don't know that John and Judith would agree to anything we proposed. She must be approaching forty as well. That could be why she elected to have the baby in the first place, _her_ last chance to be a Mum."

Growing serious, "They don't want him _really_, do they? They wouldn't behave this way if they did. Either of them. Besides, they won't have a choice if the authorities get involved. And they will. Sooner or later, one way or another." Genuinely concerned, "God knows what could happen to him in the meantime. We can't have that on our heads, can we?" Then, "Kate?"

Weakly, "We could call the authorities this morning."

Trump card, "You saw Laurence's face!"

"I used to live a quiet peaceful life before I met you."

Unable to contain her grin, "Think how boring it was." Caroline was leaning in for a kiss, the grin still on her face, just as a thin infant cry reached their ears.

Kate evaded the kiss with a pointed look, "Someone is calling you." Placing the kiss anyway, Caroline went to retrieve the squalling infant, brought him back and put him into Kate's arms. Her face against Kate's she wrapped her arms around Kate's arms from behind her stool. They both gazed at the child for a time. Kate looked at him with new eyes. Then, feeling Caroline's gaze come to rest on her, "Caroline. You know it's not this simple. We _are_ going to need to discuss this rationally." Looking at her levelly, "You'd better get dressed while you can. And then be ready to talk because time is definitely not on our side today."

**The Discussion**

After dressing for the day Caroline walked into the living area to find the little newcomer sleeping peacefully on several thicknesses of blanket over the oriental and quite alone. Turning she went back to the study and found Kate waiting for her in the comfortable chair by the lamp. Closing the door she took the desk chair. Kate's face was grave. Not angry, not cold but more serious than she had ever seen her. Caroline felt her mouth go dry.

"Will you start or shall I?" A very subdued Caroline gestured to her. "Fine. I get up this morning to hear you telling Laurence that a baby is not a puppy but a very real commitment, so I know you realize this but then, in the space of breakfast, you try to convince me to… what? What _are_ you suggesting Caroline?"

"You heard him, saw his face. Laurence will be devastated if we let this baby go into care."

Shaking her head in disbelief, "This isn't about Laurence, Caroline. Not altogether." Leaning forward elbows on knees, tapping her temple with an index finger, "What is going on in there? Talk to me Caroline." Kate watched Caroline's gaze lift to the ceiling, apparently studying the molding details. She is willing to wait but becoming puzzled as to why this is so hard for Caroline to articulate. Gently, "Is it you and John?"

Looking at her then, startled, "No. Why would you…? No." Shrugging, "That… complicates it but, no."

Gently, "Caroline, you _can_ tell me. Whatever it is."

Hearing the note of love in Kate's voice she drops to her knees beside Kate and takes her hands, "God, I can't sit in that stupid straight-backed chair and tell you this."

"Leaning back, "Caroline, you're starting to scare me."

Gripping Kate's hands and meeting her eyes, "Oh look, the thing is, it doesn't make sense. I don't know how to tell you something that doesn't make sense." Sitting on her heels, her eyes unseeing, trying desperately to find a way to say what has happened inside her, she feels Kate's fingers on her face, turning it until their eyes meet again.

Soft loving brown eyes on hers, "Caroline, its me. You know all that's happened between us that we can't explain, can't put into words. I'll understand. Just tell me the best you can."

Clinging to this, she nods, "Remember that day, at the beginning of half terms, when John called to say that Judith was having the baby?" At Kate's nod, "I was really glad you were willing to take the call. I didn't want to talk to John about that baby. It's been a worry in the back of my mind ever since… the day last autumn when he told me that Judith was pregnant. It's been… a dark spot that I could do nothing about. Just wonder and worry what would become of a baby born to a mother who couldn't keep away from alcohol even for her unborn child."

Sliding to the floor, Kate pulled Caroline down to sit too and they faced one another. "So you've had this baby on your mind since the day you first learned about him? Before you knew he was a him?"

Chagrinned, "Silly isn't it?"

Smiling, Kate said gently, "No. It is very Caroline though." The channel of intuition opening, Kate began slowly, "Sooo, all through the autumn you had _two_ unborn babies on your mind." It was a statement not a question. Once again between these two what was left unsaid was still communicated through their eyes. Seeing the embarrassed look in Caroline's eyes conceding and pleading for understanding, "Two babies that you could do nothing for except worry."

Kate said very gently, "You associated them in your mind, didn't you?" At the tilt of the head that admitted everything, "And you lost your heart to him, sight unseen, just as you did with Callie." Kate's throat closed, she was unable to go on. The endless capacity for love in this woman she had been so very blessed to find fallen in love with her was overwhelming. That this magnificent, brilliant woman could love so deeply and without limit was a humbling thing.

Finally able to speak, Caroline went on, "So when Laurence called last night and I heard him crying in distress, mentally I was already halfway over there. I would always have gone for Laurence's sake and because it was the right thing to do but for _this_ baby, I wanted to go. Needed to see him, make sure he was alright." Tucking her chin and giving Kate that disarming smile, "But you already knew that in the car on the way over, didn't you?"

Trying not to let her eyes sparkle with love the way they were, "Something like that."

"Then when we arrived and he looked so much like Laurence as a baby… I could never have called the authorities to turn them in, let him go into…" She had to press her lips into a thin line to suppress the sob.

So Kate finished for her, "And if you had, or someone had and this baby went into the care system it would haunt you for the rest of your life. As much as if, somehow, it were Callie instead."

At the recognition that Kate really did understand, the tears overflowed and they were in one another's arms. Kate's face again grave at all that lay before them as she stroked Caroline's head.

Hastily wiping away tears, Caroline sat up, "Kate, the thing I hesitate over is that for the first time in your life you have your heart's desire, the baby you've waited for so long." Her face working again, "And now I'm asking you to let me bring another child, another infant into our family. Don't think I don't know what a big thing it is that I'm asking of you. Asking you to share this precious babyhood of Callie's with another child. A child that isn't yours."

Kate sat quietly, assessing this new idea of another baby in their family, her eyes on Caroline. Then, "Do you think I'm not capable of loving another child? Of being as generous with my love as you?"

Stricken, "No. Oh no, Kate. I just want you to know that I realize what I'm asking is a sacrifice for you." Caroline's eyes never left Kate's face. It scared her to see how very grave she was as she considered the situation.

Finally Kate began slowly, "If we are going to do this, be parents to this little boy, we cannot let a yours and mine mentality into it at all. If you can accept Callie as your own the way you have, then it would be churlish of me to do anything less for this little boy that you have so obviously taken into your heart in exactly the same way you did my child. To do less would make me undeserving of your love."

"Oh Kate, you deserve so much more than _I _could ever give you. You've made me so very happy." Hastily adding, "And I don't mean just about this." Meekly, "Coming back for me at the dance. All that we've shared since then." Swallowing to go on, "I had no right to think you would ever understand the way you have." Loving eyes roving over the beloved face, "You do see me don't you? Really see me. You knew most of this before I told you, didn't you?"

"I knew you'd fallen in love with this baby."

"Every time I think I can't be more in love with you, I am." Caroline found it necessary to swallow again before she could go on, "I don't know how I survived the first forty-six years of my life without you. I certainly don't deserve you. You make me the happiest woman on the planet. You know that don't you?"

Smoothing blonde hair back, "Not possible. That's me."

Caroline needed to be closer to Kate. Lifting herself over one of the long curled legs between them, positioning herself close, Caroline wrapped her legs behind Kate and found herself scooped up onto her lap. Wrapping tight, Caroline continued to gaze down into Kate's face.

Feeling Caroline's heat against her sucked the breath from her body as Kate raised her face to meet Caroline's eyes.

Desire was present in this embrace, as it was never wholly quenched between these two, but this moment encompassed so much more. What really defined their relationship was more than physical and emotional there was a spiritual dimension that was a charism they knew was there but couldn't really define. In this moment, this embrace, they requited one another in the love they'd sought all of their lives. It was a sacred promise of love not only between them but also to encompass all who came into their sphere.

Their kiss was tender and holy; it was a renewal of their marriage vow to foster one another's strengths with the reassurance and love needed to overcome their weaknesses. They were growing together into a new life. Both knew they were taking on a big responsibility and it left them breathless and in awe of their audacity. Eyes searching and confiding they found the faith in themselves and one another that they needed to proceed. Another reverent kiss was their commitment to one another to become parents again.

At length, Kate lowered Caroline to the floor between her knees, "So what do we do? Have you talked to someone?"

"No, Kate. I wouldn't do that. Not without talking with you first. I _have_ come that far." Sheepishly, "I did go online to see about private adoption. It can be done. We'd need someone very good though. Someone who could make John and Judith see that this is the right thing to do. We have to face the fact that even though it's obvious they have no real interest in parenting they may be unwilling to give the child up for adoption. Especially to me. You and me. Considering everything."

"So, you don't have someone in mind to call?"

"I have a solicitor. I don't know that this is her area though."

"John or Judith could call at any moment. We need to make a plan. If they do call we need to try to stall them, talk them into leaving him here until… well, as long as we can." Patting Caroline's backside with one of the hands that were still holding her close, "Lets go." Untangling herself from Caroline and getting to her feet, "I'll ring Margo to see if she knows anyone with expertise in this area, someone who will come and meet with us today. You find Laurence, we'll need to talk to him."

Caroline was on her feet now too. As Kate turned toward the door, Caroline took her hand and stopped her. "Have I told you how very much I love you?"

The love light in her eyes, "I think you may have mentioned it." One warm heartfelt kiss and she was gone with a squeeze to Caroline's hand before releasing her to find her phone.

_A cursory look on the Internet reveals that private adoption is not an option in the UK. Once again I am asking you to suspend your knowledge of the dull facts of real life and simply enjoy this fiction. _


	50. Chapter 50

**Making it So**

It had been early afternoon on Saturday before John called to inquire after his son. He'd meekly accepted a dressing down from Caroline and then allowed her to persuade him to let the child to stay with them until Sunday afternoon to give him and Judith time to recover.

By this time Margo had arrived with a colleague who specialized in private adoption. Peter Markham sat at the dining table with them explaining all that would be involved. Laurence helped to care for the infants during this lengthy discussion. At one point it had become necessary for Kate to nurse Callie and Margo took the opportunity to follow her into the nursery.

Pulling a chair close and leaning forward earnestly, "Kate, at the risk of being thought a pessimist, have you and Caroline really considered this decision fully?"

Kate had expected this question or something like it when Margo followed her into the room. She had seen the scrutinizing looks she and Caroline had been receiving from both lawyers. "Not at length. But we know it is the right thing to do and the right thing for us and for our family."

Seeing the lift of the chin and hearing the severity of the tone in Kate's normally soft voice, Margo didn't hold out much hope of having an impact but she had to try once more. "After waiting so long for Callie are you certain you want to take on another infant at the same time?"

Firmly, "It's been decided Margo. Caroline and I have discussed it. This is what we want. Both of us. Waiting can have no benefits for this little boy."

Finding herself on the receiving end of an implacable stare, Margo realized that she'd reached the limit of her influence with her cousin. Sitting back in her chair she held Kate's eye, then said with a speculative smile, "If anyone could make this work, I believe it would be you and Caroline. You're both everything a parent should be, certainly." Then, "I've done the best I could for you. I called in a favor to bring Peter over here on a Saturday afternoon."

Kate relaxed visibly, "Thank you, Margo. I knew I could count on you."

"I just hope your still thanking me when this is over." Laughing in spite of her misgivings and still with considerable reservations about this whole venture, "The two of you are quite intrepid aren't you? Married one month, give birth the next and two months later you're trying to adopt another baby. I'm not sure if you are two of the hardiest souls I've ever met or certifiably insane."

Brown eyes twinkling, "One thing is sure, my life with Caroline is never dull."

In the dining room, Caroline had been subjected to a similar line of questioning. Once again he suggested that the birth parents might be persuaded to get treatment for their alcoholism and become the parents the child needed. Caroline, conscious that Laurence was in and out of the room summoned Peter to her study.

Seating him in the reading chair as she took the desk chair so unsuitable or pouring her heart out to Kate but perfect for addressing this lawyer who clearly did not understand this situation. "I realize you mean well, but I was married to John for twenty years. Alcohol use aside, he doesn't have it in him to provide consistent attention and care to a child for any length of time. He isn't a bad person he's just not interested in doing this. He never wanted Judith to have this baby, he told me that early on. In fact, he has shown a rather uncharacteristic amount of selflessness to stick with her through the pregnancy."

Markham watched her closely. In his practice he saw many bitter divorces. He didn't detect acrimony in her voice or manner, she seemed matter of fact and realistic. He knew that people could sometimes put on a façade but he tended to believe she was authentic. "What about the mother?"

Caroline shrugged, "I hardly know her. Every time I've seen her to speak to, she has been falling down drunk. Quite literally. The first time she fell down the front steps to the house onto a bottle of wine she dropped and I had to drive her to casualty. The second time she was in the house with John when I arrived home unexpectedly to find her just fallen down the stairs in my bathrobe."

Markham noted these tales were told matter-of-factly considering how painful they must have been for her at the time. He also saw that she had moved on from the past. What mattered to her now was the child.

Continuing to answer the question, "Other than that it's only what John has told me. Apparently she has tried to stop drinking before only to return it. I've no idea how much she drank while she was pregnant. Laurence says his Dad tried to stop her drinking as much as he could. Probably the reason he stayed with her this long. He does have some sense of obligation to the child, I suppose. I have reason to believe he hasn't been faithful to her and can hardly think they would stay together any length of time now, even for the sake of the child."

Seeing that this lawyer continued to study her face, "Look, I know you see all sorts in your line of work. I see more than I'd like in mine. Another reason I believe that these two are never going to be the parents this child deserves." Considering the arrogance of that statement, "Not that I'm setting myself up as perfect, or even Kate for that matter. I can tell you that we'll love him and do our very best for him. I can't say more than that."

Smiling for the first time since he'd shaken her hand upon entry, "For what it's worth, Dr. McKenzie-Elliot, I believe you."

Flashing that disarming blue-eyed smile, "Please call me Caroline."

When the meeting resumed the four completed the necessary forms and made a plan for addressing the birth parents.

**It's Exponential**

On Sunday, Kate called her Mum asking if she could come to the flat. Mystified by Kate's unwillingness to explain why she was asking, Edie had nevertheless arrived as requested. Kate told the story of the little boy to her mother and finished by telling her that she and Caroline had decided to adopt him if the parents could be persuaded. Edie was quite amazed and sat looking from one to the other.

Finally, speaking from experience, "Two babies are quite a lot of work, you know." Seeing their ready nods, "You've had Callie for the last three months, I know you realize what it takes. I'm _not_ sure you realize that two babies is not 1+1, it's exponential." Smiling to herself, "I don't think Alistair and I did more than catnap for six months after Kate and Kevin were born." Raising her eyebrows at them with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes, "And we were more than a decade younger than the two of you are now." Scrutinizing each of them in turn, "You're sure you want to do this?"

"Mum, you know I've always wanted a family. Now I have one." Tears were in her eyes when she finished.

"Edie, I know it seems quick but we _are_ sure. Very sure."

Edie silently considered all that Kate had been through in her quest for a child, for a family. She finally had given birth to the baby she'd felt compelled to bring into the world. She thought over what these two had been through over the conception of Callie and the aftermath of the birth when they'd faced down the difficulties Kate had experienced. If they felt that they wanted another child maybe this wasn't the worst way to go about it. She did think it was too bad this opportunity hadn't waited to present itself in another year or eighteen months. Not fully convinced they really knew what they were in for but realizing that few parents ever did no matter how their child came to them, Edie smiled, "I'm sure I couldn't think of a more love filled home for any child to come into. I'll help you as much as I can but I do have Alistair to see to as well."

**The Meeting**

Caroline had called John, arranging to meet him and Judith at a neutral place. Caroline and Kate in the Jeep, Margo and Peter in Margo's car, as they would start off for Leeds after the meeting, drove mid-afternoon to the agreed upon restaurant to meet John and Judith. The women had left the babies with Laurence and Edie at the suite. They hoped that after this meeting it would not be necessary to go back to get him to bring him to York but felt that it would do no one any good to have him in the room during this discussion. The foursome entered the restaurant to find John and Judith at a table to one side of the nearly empty dining room. The two looked none the better for their respite from child care.

As agreed in advance, Peter took the lead, introducing himself to John, who made an effort by standing to shake hands, then to Judith. After introducing Margo and Kate to Judith, the entire group was seated at a at a large round table nearby.

Peter led the conversation, "I'm Peter Markham, I practice family law. I specialize in private adoptions. Caroline and Kate are offering to adopt your child." Pausing to watch their reaction, Markham saw surprise on both faces. John's gaze turned immediately to Caroline, who raised her fingers from the table in a gesture to signal him to listen.

"I realize that this may be a new idea to the two of you but I urge you to hear me out and consider this proposal carefully." Peter went on to outline the facts as he knew them: the role that alcohol played in both of their lives, the fall that Judith had taken while pregnant being on record with the authorities and her blood alcohol level at the time of the arrival of the ambulance, the events of Friday last and the likelihood of the baby being put into the care system sooner or later unless the two of them were ready to immediately change their lifestyle and seek treatment for alcohol abuse.

Peter went on to make it clear what the consequences for them would be if they opted to keep the child and he suffered any type of abuse. He described what the law considered child abuse and the likely penalties for each variation.

Peter's succinct, factual presentation had gotten the attention of John and Judith. They had watched his grave face, stealing glances at one another from time to time. Peter went on to summarize the terms of the adoption making it clear that they would relinquish all rights to the child, stressing that in spite of the fact that the parties were acquainted, once consent to the adoption was made the birth parents would have no role whatsoever in the life of the child. He outlined the rest of the provisions offered and advised them that these were very generous terms, which would allow the two of them to get on with their lives and perhaps find a better path than their current one. He finished by asking if they had any questions.

John's eyes were on Caroline as he asked a little incredulously, "Would you really want him?"

Clutching Kate's hand into her lap under the table, willing herself to say the right thing but not sure what that might be. Caroline began slowly, "He looks so much like Laurence did as a baby." Shrugging, "I guess it seems natural." With a faint smile, "And Laurence is totally taken with him." Looking at Kate as she felt her loving brown eyes on her, "We'd like very much to make him part of our family."

Judith, sitting across the table watched the two women as Caroline spoke. She found herself wishing someone, anyone would look at her the way these two looked at one another. She couldn't remember anyone in her life ever looking at her with such loving eyes. Not her Mum who'd had four children and a full time job that kept her too frazzled to focus much on any one child. She'd hardly known her Dad who had moved to London after the divorce. No one ever had looked at her that lovingly; certainly not John who'd only ever had himself on his agenda so far as she could see.

Caroline looked at John and Judith in turn, "We don't want to rush you. This is a big decision and you should talk about it together. But we wonder if you'd be willing for us to keep him for a few days at least, or until you decide. We're enjoying him so much and it would give you more time to talk." Caroline finished her request looking at Judith. She couldn't read the expression on her face.

Judith had admired Caroline's poise and confidence since their first meeting on the doorstep that long ago night. The cool efficient way she'd wrapped her arm in toweling, put her into the Jeep and taken her to Casualty. She'd been surprised when she'd emerged to find Caroline still waiting, offering to take her home. She'd driven her back to York, seen her safely inside the flat with all that she would need for the night. She wasn't accustomed to being treated this kindly. It was a mystery to her why John had left Caroline to live with her.

Judith had seen the love in the eyes of William and Laurence when the topic of their Mum came up, the way they'd guarded her, changing the subject quickly. Saw the way Caroline looked at them on the few occasions when she'd dropped them off or picked them up from John's visitations with them. The way she touched their hair, kissed them goodbye, squeezed them briefly before sending them on their way. As she had contemplated the birth of her child she wondered if she had it in her to be that kind of Mum.

She had wanted to have this baby. She wanted someone to love her, look at her the way William and Laurence looked at Caroline. But she was canny enough to know that Caroline had engendered the relationship between mother and sons. It was the result of years of loving care. She had never been sure she was capable of that. Since the birth of the baby she had been shocked at the overwhelming demands of caring for an infant. Had in fact allowed John to do all that he would to care for him.

Now Judith looked at these two women who so obviously loved one another and who wanted to adopt her son. Give him the time and attention that she was finding so difficult to provide. She nodded her consent to John for them to keep the baby until they made their decision.

John, knowing the boy could hardly be in better hands agreed. All of this talk of child abuse and penalties had shaken him more than he cared to admit. Peter took down their details promising to call them in the morning to see if they had any questions that he could answer for them and passed them each his card. Margo and Peter rose, and the two women stood with them. Peter said goodbye for all of them and ushered the group out of the restaurant.


	51. Chapter 51

**Laurence**

Sunday evening, over dinner, his Mum and Kate described to him the meeting in the restaurant and the stunned condition of John and Judith at the adoption offer. Clearly they were worried about the decision these two would make and its effect on the baby.

Laurence lay in bed that night thinking of his Dad and what he knew of Judith. Imagining what it would be like to be raised by them he realized how different his life would have been. He decided what he had to do. He would need to go to his Dad and talk to him. It was a school day tomorrow but if he left it until the weekend it might be too late. Surely this was more important than school. And it certainly wasn't something he could do over the phone.

Laurence knew his Dad had no classes on Mondays so this would be the best day to take a chance on finding him at Judith's flat. He would have preferred to start off in the morning but considering his class schedule reckoned that if he left at the beginning of lunch break there would be less chance of his Mum being alerted that he was absent until he could talk to his Dad. He dare not ask her permission for fear that she would not allow him to go. This was something he knew he had to do. No one was closer to his Pop than he was. A bus stopped not far from campus and he looked up the connections to York. His plan in place, Laurence could give himself up to sleep.

**Making a Case**

Arriving at Judith's flat Laurence had to knock three times before Pop came to the door. In spite of being surprised to see his son, John had only said, "Laurence," before leaving the door ajar to turn in search of a cigarette. Judith sat at her desk, busily tapping on her laptop. She hadn't seemed surprised to see him either, not pleased or displeased she only nodded to the kettle and asked if he wanted tea. As he passed her desk Laurence saw that Judith's cup was almost empty so he made tea for all of them. His Dad finally asked why he was there on a Monday afternoon.

Laurence took a deep breath and began making his case. Told them what he had observed on his last visit, how scared he had been when the baby cried and he couldn't get either of them to tell him what he needed. How frightened it made him feel to wonder what would happen to the baby if this happened when he wasn't there. How sad it made him to see the two of them in such a state.

John finally tumbled to Laurence's point and asked suspiciously, "Has your mother sent you over here? Her and her dyke-"

Laurence stood, "Dad!" He surprised himself by how loud his interruption sounded. Dad and Judith were staring at him now. He sat down but he looked his father in the eye and said firmly, "I don't want to hear that kind of language from you about my mother or her wife. What happened between you and Mum had nothing to do with that and you know it. It was you who left." Glancing at Judith who was inspecting the contents of her teacup carefully, "Anyway, that's all in the past now. Mum and Kate are good people. You know that. You know they would be excellent parents to this baby."

Shaking his head and allowing his teenage scorn to show, "Don't you have a name for him yet? It's awkward just calling him the baby all the time." At his Dad's self-conscious shake of the head, Laurence resumed, "I'm sorry to have to say this Dad but Mum did more caring for Will and I than you did. I mean, you were fun and I do love you but we both know that she did the stuff that needed to be done and not just the laundry and cooking. She's the one who disciplined us when we needed it, helped with homework, took us where we needed to go. Even before things got bad between you, she was always the one to keep everything going, you know it's true.

Seeing that his Dad only looked out the window rather than even try to refute his son, "Now, I see Mum and Kate sharing those things. They both take care of Callie, help me with homework, come to my rugby matches. When was the last time you came to one of my matches, Dad?"

"Laurence, you know I'm over here in York now…" John faltered, knowing that it has been far longer than that. He had the grace to look embarrassed, "I'm sorry Laurence, its just… things have been difficult."

With the air of an old man having to tell a hard truth, "They _have_ been difficult and they are going to continue to be difficult unless the two of you stop drinking." Laurence looks from one to the other, stopping to meet Judith's eyes, "Judith, I'm sorry, but I don't think I've ever seen you when you haven't been drinking. You've had something already today haven't you?"

Judith began to make an excuse then thought better of it and admitted this truth with a nod. She hadn't had much yet or she would never have been this quiet.

"Would you have had a drink even if the baby had been here?"

Looking down, she said softly, "Probably. Yes."

"What would happen to him if you couldn't take care of him?"

Shaking her head Judith shrugged then looked at him from beneath lowered lids. Ashamed before this boy who knows she doesn't have it in her to stop drinking, not even for her son.

Continuing to look at Judith, somehow knowing that it's her he needs to convince, "Mum and Kate don't know I've come over here to see you. I had to come because I've been thinking about the home where I grew up and this place that you live. What it would be like if _I_ was growing up here. Thinking about what a good life I've been given and the life that the little bloke is likely to have here."

Leaning forward, very earnest now, "Judith, I know you aren't a bad person. You've always been very kind to me but I'm sorry, I would not want to grow up in this house with you and my Dad as parents. I'm asking you to think about what is best for the baby and give him up for adoption to my Mum and Kate. I promise you we will take the best care of him." Finding himself a little choked up now, Laurence swallowed, "He is a grand little guy." Judith's eye never strayed from Laurence; he took courage to go on. "He and Callie will grow up together like Will and I did. He'll have a happy life. I know he will. Can you do this for him? Let my Mum and Kate adopt him?"

Judith looked at Laurence for a long moment she turned to look at the swirling shapes of the screensaver. She's been thinking of little else since yesterday's meeting. Thinking of how she got to this point in her life, of her dreams for becoming a best selling author, her dreams of finding love, being loved. She'd thought for a while that John might be the one. He'd seemed to genuinely admire her in the beginning. Now he only seemed to hold her in contempt. He didn't like this flat but hadn't found a new place for them to live in all this time since the Conway Road house had sold. He was staying because of the baby, the baby he hadn't wanted her to have. The baby who didn't make her feel the way she thought she'd feel after she had him. He was a cute little thing but having him hadn't made her feel loving and self-sacrificing the way she'd supposed she would feel. She didn't feel like a real mother, she felt like an imposter.

The first bit in the hospital had been fine, everyone making over them, being waited on by the nurses. But all too soon they were back here in this cramped flat with a baby who needed more attention than she had thought possible. She was tired all the time and mostly he just annoyed her now. It had come to her that maybe this is how her own Mum had felt about her and her brother and sisters. Look how that had turned out. Maybe this offer was the best thing for all of them. John hadn't said much since yesterday but he hadn't spoken against it. She turned to him now to find him watching her.

Seeing the question in her face John nodded to her with a shrug. He'd been very moved by Laurence's speech. Proud of his son for taking the initiative to come here to say this, knowing that it won't be easy. Laurence is right, Caroline _has_ done a fine job with their sons. No matter how he feels about her and Kate he knows that Kate too is someone who will be good at raising a child. He never wanted Judith to give birth to this baby. He certainly doesn't want to face twenty years of being _the_ parent responsible for raising a child. The impression that Peter Markham had made upon him yesterday with his talk of child abuse was still with him as well. And what about him? He'd be in his mid-sixties by the time this child was grown; didn't he have a right to a little fun out of life before he became aged?

Judith found her voice, "You're right Laurence, it isn't fair to the baby. I don't know if I _can_ give up drinking. I have tried and it hasn't worked out. I couldn't do it when I was pregnant, not the whole time." Wanting him to believe her, "I really did try, didn't I John?"

John glances at her from the corner of his eye, "Yeah, you did alright for a while. Quite a while, actually."

Judith is looking at Laurence again, "You really love your Mum, don't you?"

Meeting her eye again, "Yes. I do."

Regret evident, "Maybe things would have been different if my Mum had looked at me the way your Mum looks at you and Will." Sitting up straight for the first time, "Alright Laurence, you can tell Caroline and Kate I'll let them adopt him."

"Thank you Judith, we'll all be very good to him. I promise." Looking at his Dad, "Is that OK with you Pops?"

"Yes." Putting out his cigarette in the overflowing ashtray, "Yes, its probably all for the best." Standing, "I'll have a shower, then drive you back to Harrogate. Call that lawyer, tell him that we'll sign the papers."

Laurence stood too and hugged his father, "Thank you, Pops. You know he'll be in good hands."

John looks over Laurence's shoulder at Judith who is watching them. Now that there won't be a baby to raise he wonders how long before he can extricate himself from this mess with Judith.

**Mission Accomplished**

Laurence went outside and turned on his phone to call Mum while Dad was in the shower. He noticed three missed calls from her so he knew he'd been missed at school. When she answered Laurence apologized to her for skipping school that afternoon and told her why he had done it, then shared the good news. He assured her that his Dad was fit to drive and would bring him home. Told her that his Dad and Judith had an appointment in Leeds with Peter Markham to sign the adoption papers later this afternoon. That they would be calling later this week to make arrangements with her to see the baby one last time and drop off the rest of his things. Laurence could tell that his Mum was relieved to learn that he was all right, happy at his news but still peeved with him about the way he had gone about achieving his ends.

When his Dad and Judith dropped him at the door of The Lion he thanked them both once more and promised to take good care of the baby they were handing over to his Mum and Kate. Once in the door he couldn't wait for the lift and dashed up the stairs, bursting into the suite calling, "Mum! Mum! Kate, Mum, where are you?" Then he caught himself, remembering that there were now two sleeping infants in this house and tiptoed toward the passage just as both women appeared.

When they saw his sheepish face, their expression changed from alarm to happiness and he knew that Mr. Markham must have called them to confirm the good news about the appointment to sign papers. "Sorry. Sorry for being so loud, have I wakened them?" Then seeing Callie in his mother's arms, already peacefully awake, he looked at Kate and saw her smile with a shake of her head.

Giving him a look he knew well from his childhood and from the corridors of SH, a look that belied her voice, his Mum said softly, "Come and sit down. Tell us about your day."

Walking backward into the living room to keep eye contact with his mother, "Mum, I'm sorry I lied to you. I was afraid you wouldn't let me go if I told you my plan." Looking from her to Kate, "I had to go, I was so afraid that they wouldn't agree unless I talked to them." Jubilant, "And it worked!"

Pointing him into a chair, while she and Kate took a seat on the sofa, Laurence sat and told them about his visit to York.


	52. Chapter 52

**What Have We Done**

On the way home from Markham's office in Leeds on Tuesday, the two women were unsure whether to be elated or frightened over what they had so abruptly taken on. More than a little awed at themselves they clung tightly to one another's hand in spite of the fact that Caroline was driving.

Finally finding her voice, Kate said, "What will your mother say about this?"

Caroline cackled loudly, releasing a little of her tension, "Plenty probably."

"How will you tell her?"

Turning her moppet eyes on Kate, "Lord, I don't know." Hopefully, "Any suggestions?"

"Get _her_ drunk?"

"Ha, she is even worse when she's been drinking." Then mischievously, "Oh, right, I've given management of my mother over to you since you seem to have such a way with her."

"Oh no!" Laughed Kate. "No, no, no. You are not putting this off onto me! This was your brilliant idea," she teased. "You and Laurence, I think it's down to the two of you to explain this to Celia."

Caroline grinned, knowing that no matter who told her mother this news, it was going to be a memorable occasion.

**All Right!**

Coming through the door to the suite laden with carrier bags of baby supplies and ingredients for their supper, Caroline came face to face with her mother. "Mum." Rising to full height and dropping her shoulders, "we weren't expecting you."

Hands on hips, delivering a baleful stare, "_Ob_-viously."

Deciding to ignore her mother's ire, Caroline looked beyond to Alan, who had an infant in each arm, "Hi Alan." Seeing Edie in an adjacent armchair regarding the scene with a faintly amused expression, she said unnecessarily, "We're back Edie." Caroline took in a quietly observing Laurence, his eyes darting from one to another quickly, missing no nuance of the scene. Glancing at Kate just coming up beside her, Caroline saw that she was quite content to let Caroline handle her mother. Depositing the shopping on the counter of the kitchen, Caroline said in as normal a voice as she could manage, "I see you've met our newest arrival."

Her voice rising to a dangerously high pitch, "Caroline! What the hell on earth can you be thinking…"

"Celia," warned Alan's voice firmly. Closing her mouth she continued to pin Caroline with 'the look' so well remembered from childhood.

Attempting to take control of the situation, "Why don't I make some tea. We'll sit down together and tell you all about it."

"I'll make the tea," offered Kate brightly, grabbing the kettle a beat before Caroline. Their backs to the rest of the room Kate received a glaring, pop-eyed look from Caroline. Not quite stifling a smile, Kate said sweetly and loudly, "you just sit down and visit with your Mum."

Muttering so only Kate could hear, "I am _so_ going to get you for this." Turning to face the room, in her normal voice, "I'll just get the biscuits."

Celia's querulous voice demanded, "I don't want biscuits or tea, I want to know what is going on here."

Facing her mother down, "Mum, we have a guest."

Irate in part because she realizes that Edie has been informed before herself, Celia glared and said stridently, "She probably wants to know what's going on too. Or am I the only one who has been left in the dark?"

Dr. Elliot came on full force now, "All right!" Eyes blazing, Caroline looked pointedly at her mother, "Take a seat, Mum." Surprisingly, Celia did, resuming her place beside Alan. Turning to the kitchen, command still in her tone, "Kate. Put down the tea and come here." The smirk erased from her face, Kate joined her.

Taking the clammy hand beside hers and looking at Kate, at the assembled family, then into Celia's eyes, "In the face of an untenable situation, Kate and I had a discussion and decided to offer to adopt this baby from John and Judith." Her gaze resting on the dark haired infant on Alan's arm a softer look took over her face.

Standing tall, pulling down her shoulders, Caroline looked her mother in the eye again and said firmly, "We did not go into this lightly." She looked at Kate, love returning to her eyes and said more softly, "Kate has always wanted a family and family has always been the most important thing in my life. We saw a chance to have another child, a brother to grow up with Callie." Gazing adoringly at the two babies, "We are pleased and humbled to able to offer both of these children a loving family." Giving her mother a very direct look, "We hope you will be as pleased and proud as we are."

Laurence, unable to contain himself any longer jumped up and stood in front of his Mum, "so we really get to keep him? Dad and Judith signed the papers?" At her smiling nod, he grabbed both women into an embrace at the same time then jumped as he twirled around to throw his fist in the air, "Yes!"

"I don't know why you're so excited, said Caroline indulgently as she put an arm around Kate, "its twice the number of nappies you get to change."

"No problem" said Laurence airily, unaware that he would later regret these words. Taking the little boy from Alan, "So, what will we call him?"

Kate asked, "What did your Dad and Judith call him?"

He shrugged, "They only ever said 'the baby' when they paid any attention to him at all."

The two women looked at one another, they hadn't considered names yet, in spite of Caroline's fine speech. "We'll have to talk about that," Kate replied. At the signal from the kettle they returned to the kitchen, Kate to the tea and Caroline to the biscuits both quite glad to have something to do besides return the gaze of their parents.

After tea, Celia followed Caroline to the nursery where she headed to change the baby boy. Once inside she pushed the door closed and Caroline realized that Celia had only been biding her time. She knew it would have been wishful thinking to believe that her earlier announcement would close the matter.

Standing at the end of the changing table where she could see Caroline's face, Celia studied her daughter for a moment. "So, are you trying to keep John in your life? Is that what this is about?"

Shocked, Caroline's head snapped up, "What are you talking about?"

Impatiently, "Adopting John's son. Laurence is almost grown, you were just about shut of him. Now you've taken in his son. Surely this means he is going to be on the scene for another 18 years."

"The terms of the adoption were very clear. Neither John nor Judith will have anything more to do with this baby," Caroline assured her mother. "They go on with their lives totally separate from his. They've been well compensated to do so."

"And you believe that is going to happen?"

"What choice do they have? They've agreed, signed the papers, accepted the money."

Unconvinced, "You know how these two have a way of ending up on your doorstep when least expected. Wouldn't it be better to get them help for their drinking and let them raise the child?"

"Mum, they haven't turned up since we've lived here. The front desk is manned 16 hours a day and you'd need the security code to get in otherwise." Meeting her mother's gaze, "In a perfect world, yes it might be better for them to raise him. But unless they are willing to get help and stop drinking that isn't going to happen. Anyway, who would oversee that process and make sure this baby is cared for?" Picking up the infant she'd just changed to cradle him on her arm, "The authorities. If anything went wrong, he's in the care system." Caroline's eyes still on the baby, "I don't know if I could…"

Eyes on Caroline for a long moment watching her face as she continued to look at the child, stroking his head, touching his face, Celia looked again at the infant. "He does look quite a lot like Laurence as a baby, doesn't he?"

"Blue eyes lovingly on the baby boy, "Yes, doesn't he?"

"Is that what started this?"

Looking at her Mum, Caroline realized that they may as well have this conversation now. Indicating the rocker, Caroline picked up the infant and placed him into the arms of her now seated mother. "I don't know if I can make you understand this, Mum. I'm not sure_ I_ understand it entirely." Dropping onto a nearby stool as she watched them, "John first told me that Judith was pregnant the day you and Alan were at Muriel's. The day Gillian and I went to the hotel to see about its suitability as a wedding venue." Meeting her Mum's eyes, "I'd learned only a little earlier that Kate was expecting. I drove all the way to Halifax thinking about these two babies, considering the homes they would be born into, their futures, everything. It was all very emotional for me because I still loved Kate and I had so much regret that I'd made such a mess of everything between us."

Celia's face had softened as she watched her daughter, saw the tears form in her eyes at the last sentence.

"When the topic of babies first came up with Kate, I'd never considered the thought of having another child. I dismissed it without thinking it through, never even considering how important it was to her." A small rueful smile on her lips, "Only one of many mistakes on my part." Using a finger to collect the moisture from each eye, "By then of course, I'd had plenty of leisure to consider everything and found that having Kate in my life was more important than anything else. And oddly, I felt almost as badly about not being allowed to be part of her child's life as I did about being estranged from Kate."

"When John told me about Judith's pregnancy I couldn't help wondering how her alcoholism would effect the baby. What kind of life it would have…" Shaking herself from her musing, "So, in short, I've been thinking about both of these babies for a long time. When Laurence called last Friday night and we went over there I saw that my fears for this baby had been realized." Eyes on her Mum, pleading for understanding, "I couldn't turn away and do nothing."

Trying to understand, "And Kate agreed to adopt John's baby with you?"

"We talked it through and, yes, amazingly, she did."

"And John and Judith are out of it? Altogether?"

"Yes, that is what we all agreed to."

A loving twinkle in her eye, "I still think you're mad. Your forty-seven now, with _two_ infants to raise." Then mischievously, "Some women are becoming grandmothers at this age. Are you sure you can keep up with this lot?" Seeing that Caroline considered this a rhetorical question, Celia mused with a muted air of admiration, "I hardly know you since you've fallen madly in love."

**TK**

Later that evening, dropping into bed beside Kate, "We're going to have to figure out how to synchronize these two. Callie will be awake again in two hours."

Looking a little frightened, "Caroline, what have we gotten ourselves into?"

Also scared but trying to be reassuring, "We'll figure it out."

"You and Laurence go off to school again tomorrow and I'll be on my own. Mum has an appointment in the morning and then sets off to see Dad."

Remorsefully, "With all that we have on at work getting the new school up and running by autumn, I don't think I can take any time off just now. " Knowing that Kate needs a back up, at least in this initial period, "What about Mrs. Nelson from downstairs? She always wants to hold Callie. Do you think she would come up and help out part of the day?"

Brightening a bit, "We can ask."

Laughing and groaning at the same time, "I've really done it now haven't I Kate?" Then cheekily, "It does rather serve you right though for hanging me out to dry with my Mum."

Grinning tiredly, "Oh, the look on your face!" Raising her brows, "Besides it _was_ your idea, only fair you tell your Mum."

Unable to refute this Caroline changed the subject, "What _will_ we name him?"

Shyly, Kate offered. "My Dad's middle name is Thomas."

Kissing the ever-seductive lips, "Would you like that?"

"Do you like it?"

Considering, "Yes. Its classic, goes with the traditional names the rest of us have. My Dad's middle name is Aloysius." Laughing at the face Kate pulled, "we couldn't do that to a poor defenseless baby though."

"No." she agreed. "Kenneth is nice though." Seeing Caroline's tender smile, "You loved your Dad, didn't you?"

"He was good to me. Even if he wasn't always to Mum." Turning serious, "We had some good times the two of us. He'd take me out on Saturday afternoons. We'd go places, do things. I was always torn though at leaving Mum behind. She always tried to make out like she was glad for the time on her own, but I know she was hurt." Tears rolling now, "There just wasn't anything I could do about it."

Pulling her close, Kate kissed the tracks of the tears, tasting the salt. Saddened again at the hurt people could inflict upon one another Kate vowed that she and Caroline would do better with their family.

**What Now**

By Sunday afternoon of the first full week with Thomas in residence, Caroline and Kate were both exhausted. They'd been experimenting with ways to put the two babies into sleep patterns that would minimize the number of times each night that one or the other of them, would need to get up. They tried each taking a night of getting up to let the other sleep through but they still both woke up. They tried alternating with one another each time one of them cried but they were both awake anyway.

In between caring for babies they had worked to get the nursery supplied and organized for a two-baby household. Laurence had been a great help, carrying up the box containing the new cot that afternoon and efficiently putting it together in the now over-crowded study. They had found that they all got more rest if each child was sleeping in a different room.

Finding a quiet moment they drooped on the couch shoulder to shoulder. "If we are this tired after a week, what is life going to be like from now on?" Kate was genuinely worried. "Mum has helped out when she could but we can't rely on her indefinitely. She has her hands full with Dad already."

"I know," Caroline agreed. "Mum and Alan are living in Bradford now. Not convenient under the best of circumstances and they are even older than your Mum."

Sighing, "People do have twins, triplets even now with IVF. I suppose it gets better after a while, when they begin sleeping through the night?"

Stricken at the fatigue in Kate's voice Caroline's sense of responsibility for putting them into this situation surfaced again. She'd wanted Kate to enjoy being a Mum for a while. Hoped that even before Thomas' arrival she would reconsider going back to work for the fall term. Be willing to be at home with the baby for the first year, at least. Now, she had saddled her with two babies and they were both exhausted. Gripping her hand, "I'm sorry Kate. I didn't think this through very well, did I?" Coming to terms with the idea, "We'll have to get an au pair."

Sitting upright at this startling thought, leaving Caroline with nothing to lean against, "Caroline that seems a little…"

"What?" Leaning the other way against the sofa arm, "you'd prefer us both to be so tired all the time that we start fussing and arguing? That _is_ what'll happen you know." More gently, "I'd like for us to enjoy this Kate."

"More expense."

"We can afford it."

"You can afford it you mean."

Tiredly, "please tell me we aren't going back to counting and keeping score."

Indignantly, "Well, I've been a drain on you ever since we got back together, haven't I? I couldn't help with the move the way I should have, bed rest for weeks, all the hormonal stuff. Now, I can't even keep the house and take care of the babies." Taking her hand away from Caroline to wipe away tears formed by feelings of inadequacy."

Placating, "Kate, your just tired."

Pulling away as Caroline tried to hold her, Kate said sharply, "don't patronize me Caroline."

Quelling the hurt that rose in her at this rejection. Rejection, always her point of weakness with Kate. Managing to rise above it, knowing it _was_ simply exhaustion, Caroline slipped to her knees, forearms on Kate's lap so she could look into her eyes. Tenderly, "Kate, we didn't have nine months to think this through. You've been such a good sport about the whole thing and I feel like I've managed to get it all wrong again." Pleading now, her heart in her voice, "Please. Please let me try to make it right."

The tone in Caroline's voice had reached her and the blue eyed gaze disarmed her as usual. She could never hold out against this exasperating, compellingly irresistible woman. In a milder voice but still setting the record straight, "Caroline, we made this decision together. We'll figure it out together." Tilting her head with a rueful smile, "I don't want to snap at you. Guess that's still a sore spot for me."

"I know it is. If I'm honest, it likely would be for me too if the tables were turned." Caroline's eyebrows came together and she had to swallow before she could continue. "The thing is Kate, being able to afford the option of your not working for a while makes me feel a little as if I'm helping to make your dream come true. I know what you said about conception but the truth is I couldn't give you the baby you wanted. I _can_ give you time with the baby." Looking sheepish, "Well, two babies." Then regretfully, "And now you're too exhausted to enjoy anything." Searching Kate's face, "Is an au pair _such_ a bad thing?"

With a long sigh, "Maybe not. I've just… never thought about it before, I guess."

Putting her face very near Kate's, "Will you let me look into it tomorrow?"

Shaking her head with a smile playing on her lips at Caroline's persuasiveness, "I'm not in love with the idea but I'm too weary to deny it might be an answer for a while."

Laurence, finding them with heads together murmuring was disappointed that no one was bothering about supper. Rolling his eyes and collapsing into an armchair, long since accustomed to finding them in such a position, he voiced his concern, "what's for supper anyway."

Caroline slipping back onto the sofa to give him her mother look, "Since you are still working off your truancy escapade, what did you have in mind?"

Sheepishly, "Oh yeah." Also remembering his promises to be a help to them with the babies, "I could make omelets." Seeing that this brought a smile to both tired faces, "I'll even tidy the kitchen after."

"Oh, there was no doubt in my mind about that," replied Caroline with a pointed look at her son.

**Less Tired**

"Kate, are you sure you'll be alright alone with them until your Mum gets here?"

Slipping her hands under the fitted navy suit jacket and onto Caroline's diaphragm Kate held her firmly, taking time to let her eyes drift from stacked heels, up tights clad legs to the curves beneath her favorite white dress, the one that had a tendency to ride up when Caroline walked and on to the slender spotted throat before placing a provocative kiss on the ever so slightly crooked mouth. Lingering, "I'm feeling less tired today."

A little breathless, Caroline replied, "Yes, you are."

Standing back slightly, "They did better last night after we put Thomas's cot into the study." Pleased at sending Caroline to work in this condition she released her, "So, off you go. We'll be fine."

Ready to pursue a retreating Kate, Caroline was stopped only by Laurence brushing past on his way to the door, "Ready Mum?"

"Right," she replied, giving Kate a reproachful look only to receive a self-satisfied smile in return.

**Beverley**

Striding down the corridor to her office Caroline looked more preoccupied than she had for months. Several of her staff looked after her curiously when their morning greetings went unreturned. Stopping at Beverley's desk, "Do you have a few minutes Bev? Good, bring a pot of tea and a couple of cups."

Of all the people who worked for her, Caroline knew that Beverley was most dependably in her corner. Time and again she had proven to be resourceful and diplomatic. Seeing all that she should and pretending not to see what she shouldn't. Without preamble, "My twat of an ex-husband has gotten his alcoholic girlfriend knocked up. A little over a month ago she delivered him a son, which they have unceremoniously neglected. Laurence was at their flat a week ago Friday, calling me in tears when they passed out and he didn't know what to do for the baby."

Seeing Beverley's outraged face, Caroline held up her hand, "Kate and I went over and brought them both home with us." A little nervous at telling the next part, "Um, we've gotten them to agree to proceed with a private adoption."

Watching Beverley's mouth open and close twice without saying anything, Caroline drank her tea and waited.

Finally trusting herself to speak, "Caroline, are you sure? Callie was just 3 months old last week."

Sighing tiredly, "I know, Bev. Kate and I are exhausted and we've only just begun. We are going to need help, an au pair, something. Any suggestions?"

Beverley took a sip of her tea. She could see the dark smudges of tiredness under Caroline's eyes. Knowing first hand the drive and stamina of her boss it was clear that she'd been drained by a week of caring for two infants even with her and Kate working together. Considering the discussions between Caroline and Kate that would have resulted in such a decision Beverley suspected that at least some of the fatigue she saw in Caroline was emotional.

"I have a couple of thoughts. Let me make a few calls and I'll get back to you," said the ever-capable Beverley. Starting out of the room with her cup she turned back, "Are you up for your schedule today?"

Caroline, feeling better just because her friend Beverley was on the case, said with the first smile Beverley had seen this morning, "Yeah. Sure. Bring it on." Giving her one more speculative look, Beverley headed out the door.

**The Paragon**

"So who is he? This paragon?" piped Celia.

"Mum. Do you always need to be so sarcastic?" Caroline sighed and put Callie into her mother's arms hoping that the baby magic would calm her down. Perhaps at least quiet her voice. "He was a classmate of William's. He goes to Harrogate College. He is one of the oldest of seven children so he has helped with little ones all his life."

Adamantly, "Well that hardly means he's ready to take on two infants all night." Contemptuously, "A boy his age, what, 18?"

"Nineteen, Mum. Would you say that if he was a girl?"

"Well…"

Before Celia could go further, "His older sister had twins last year and he has spent the winter taking the night shift there. Now they are sleeping through the night he is looking for another job. He is working his way through university. His family lives next door to Beverley, so she knew he was looking around. We were very lucky to get him."

Moving smoothly in where Caroline left off, "Very lucky. He started on Monday night and we got the first full night's sleep we've had since Callie was born." Smiling intimately into Caroline's eyes, "it has been quite refreshing."

"Humph." Celia pursed her lips sourly eyeing the two sitting arm in arm on the opposite sofa.

Edie, holding her husband's namesake, took up where Kate left off. "He _is_ quite good with them, Celia. I've been here a couple of mornings this week and he helps Kate get them bathed, fed and down again before he leaves at 10. He's very personable too. He goes to classes the rest of the day, then he tells me it's home to sleep until time to come back over here at 11:00pm. He studies between taking care of the babies."

Laurence chimed in, "_And_ he was the best rugby player at SH in the last ten years, Coach Lincoln says."

Looking around the room and seeing that she was outnumbered Celia only frowned. Her eyes resting on Alan last, "I don't know why you have that expression on your face." He tried harder to suppress his smile and raised his eyebrows even higher.

Hearing the oven timer, "Right, dinner in 15. Laurence, wash your hands and set the table then pour everyone something to drink." Kissing Kate before she got up "and _you_ get to relax and enjoy our guests tonight as my thanks for taking such good care of our babies all week." Eyeing her mother as she passed, daring her to make another comment. Celia looked up at her as if she had gotten her all wrong and Alan chuckled out loud.


	53. Chapter 53

**Family Life**

The pattern of life in the McKenzie-Elliot household settled around the innocent tyranny of the two infants. Their feeding schedules, nappy changes, bathing and sleep patterns governed all aspects of life, as they do in homes around the world where there is a new baby. Everything else became subordinate to the needs of these two and they all loved every moment of it.

Callie's arrival had shifted the dynamics of the extended family on both sides. As if she were a magnet, visitors arrived to hold her, often bearing gifts. In the McKenzie family it had been quite awhile since there had been an infant in their circle. During Callie's first weeks at home, family group by family group the aunts and uncles then the cousins had arranged to stop in to see Kate's long awaited little one. Callie had been cuddled and kissed then passed from one to another as they all admired her and exclaimed over each perfectly charming feature.

Edie was in and out often. She and Kate, always close, had become closer still in the weeks when Kate had been free to go with her Mum to see Alistair three times a week. They'd often lunched together and then stopped to shop for household items or to select something to prepare for supper. During the weeks after Callie's birth when Kate had been struggling with hormonal issues, Edie had grown accustomed to spending time in the flat and came to know her way around her daughter's home as she'd helped them through that period. Now that they had passed this stage, Edie still visited more frequently than before when she'd hesitated to intrude on the newlyweds. Kate had come to rely on her mother's support more than ever now that there were two babies and Edie's experience with twins became invaluable to Kate and Caroline.

Celia and Alan were in and out of Harrogate often for one reason or another. The Mums suspected that Callie, and now Thomas too, were the real attraction but the older couple continued to offer excuses for stopping in for a visit. Since they limited themselves to daytime driving, more often than not Caroline was not home for these short impromptu drop-ins so on Sunday's the women would cook a mid-day meal and invite their parents to spend the afternoon. The Greenwoods had a standing invitation but the demands of the farm and Gillian's schedule at Greenhough's often kept them away.

With the addition of Thomas Kenneth to the family, word traveled through the McKenzie clan and another round of congratulatory calls were made to arrange to see the newcomer and once again there was a flurry of entertaining. The love of her family surrounded Kate like a warm blanket. Always a serenely poised woman, a new peace and contentment settled over her. In spite of the demands of two infants Kate was one of those unflappable mothers who have a knack for soothing an infant and bringing a sense of calm and order to the whole family.

Kate and Caroline now formed the nucleus around which the boys and their parents revolved. Without any of them realizing, the McKenzie-Elliot household became a center for Edie, Celia and Alan with the Greenwoods and McKenzie's seasoning the mix regularly. There was always a warm welcome for those who arrived at their door whether they were expected or not. The kettle sang and the biscuit supply was replenished frequently.

**William**

William had learned of developments surrounding the baby born to his Dad and Judith via his usual source, Laurence. His brother had become so richly informative that William told him that he should prepare for a career in journalism. The series of texts and calls that emanated from Harrogate over the course of events made Will realize that he was missing an important episode in the life of his family and made arrangements to travel home the next weekend.

Saturday morning found Will seated in an armchair feeding a bottle to Thomas as his Mum, on the sofa, coaxed a burp from Callie. Trying to get his head around all that had transpired since his last visit home, "So, you've signed papers to adopt him already? Isn't that rather quick?"

"Well, obviously it isn't final yet but, yes, adoption proceedings are underway."

Trying to understand, "Kate agreed to adopt _this_ baby? Dad's baby?" Wondering, "Why would _you_ want to adopt Dad and Judith's baby?"

Meeting her son's eyes, Caroline realized again how strange this seemed to others. Of all people, she wanted William to understand. "It isn't about who his birth parents are. Well, other than I knew about him and his circumstances since not long after he was conceived."

Seeing that William was waiting for more, "When your Dad told me Judith was pregnant it was not long after Kate had told me she'd passed the twelve week mark in her pregnancy. As you know we'd been estranged all summer. She only told me because I was her boss and she needed to make arrangements for leave." William could see that even now remembering that awful day put strain in his Mum's face. "All emotions were running pretty close to the surface for me then."

Giving Will a wan smile, "I'd just sent my first baby off to university." Gravely, "I was rethinking everything in my life. Losing Kate was… still quite raw, her pregnancy and the effect on her health and the baby's health were on my mind. The news of another baby, this one being born into what I knew to be less than ideal circumstances went into the reel that played endlessly in my mind. I couldn't stop worrying about those two babies." Tilting her head wryly, "Kate says I got them entangled in my mind. I suppose that explains it as well as anything."

William put Thomas on his shoulder to let his wind come up, "I remember in the car, driving to Oxford after the wedding, you told me how much you were looking forward to Callie's birth. I could see you loved her already." Moving forward with the thought, "and you were feeling the same for Thomas only you couldn't say that."

Tears filled Caroline's eyes as her heart overflowed with love for this son who always seemed to understand her, "Yes." Then in a voice filled with awe, "And the amazing thing is, Kate understood that. She's taken him in and is as loving with him as with Callie. She is beyond anything I could hope for, William."

"Just as you took in Callie and love her," pointed out her son.

"Well, yes but…" dismissing this as only natural. "I don't deserve Kate and the way she has made all of this possible." Caroline dropped her cheek to the curly haired head that rested on her shoulder as Callie drifted off to sleep.

Smiling warmly, "I think you deserve each other." Mother and son exchanged a long look then William went on to the part he still didn't understand. Rather incredulous, "And Dad and Judith have agreed to this adoption?"

"Your Dad tried to talk Judith out of having the baby in the first place. He never wanted another child. It's never been clear why she insisted on going through with the pregnancy." Looking fondly at the baby now sleeping peacefully on Will's arm, "We wouldn't have had him though if she hadn't." Meeting Will's eyes again, "We don't know why she wanted to have him or why she's decided to give him up for adoption."

Caroline added, "I do think that the adoption lawyer got through to both of them on the issue of child abuse and its consequences. I don't think they'd thought about that aspect of it before."

"So, this afternoon you take him to Judith's flat for them to have a last look at him and say their goodbyes?"

"We thought about inviting them here but the contrast is… Well, we thought it wouldn't be very kind to Judith. What do you think?"

"I dunno." Then, "Would you like me to along?"

Relieved, "Would you? None of us is looking forward to this. I'd be glad to have you there." Worried, "You don't think Judith will think we're ganging up on her, do you?"

"Her place _is_ very small." Brightening, "There's a little park up the block, maybe we could meet there. I remember some tables with benches. It's a nice day. It might not be so overwhelming if we gathered there."

Smiling, "Brilliant! Laurence wants to go since he feels that he brokered the adoption. Which he did, I think."

"Will we all fit into the Jeep?"

Ruefully, "Not with two car seats. Maybe Kate will let you drive her car and you can take Laurence with you. It's a little crowded for him to fit in the back seat with these two anyway."

At that, the door opened to admit Kate and Laurence, their arms filled with shopping that they dropped on the breakfast bar. "All of this entertaining is certainly keeping us in the shops. If I could find time to bake sweets it would cut down on the number of biscuits we'd need to buy." Caroline was beside Kate as she emptied her arms of packages to fill them with Caroline and Callie.

Blue eyes twinkling Caroline remarked dryly, "I'd think you could manage baking in your spare time."

Receiving a sharp squeeze, which pressed their hips together sending a thrill through them both, Kate replied with a lifted chin, "Do you, now?"

The boys exchanged a look and quietly made their way to Laurence's room.

Seeing they were gone, Kate dropped her head and covered Caroline's mouth with a sensual kiss as her hands slid down to cup her bottom, drawing her even closer. She felt Caroline stiffen, her arms still occupied with holding Callie to her shoulder, so Kate whispered, "They've gone," before resuming her kiss and the pleasure of Caroline relaxing into her.

With Kate's mouth on her arching neck, "Um, you have me at a disadvantage."

Muffled, "Do I?"

After a little gasp as Kate reached a sensitive spot, "You know you do -oo. Ohhh." Breathlessly, "Kaa-te."

Smiling between kisses, "We could go to the Nursery so you could put her down. And close the door so we could…"

Feeling hands beneath her shirt, progressing toward her breasts, "Mmmm. Ahhh, Ka-te! Um, lunch. For the boys. York."

After another kiss to match the first, Kate stepped back leaving her hands on Caroline's waist to assure she remained upright since she was still clutching Callie to her. A little breathless herself, Kate admired the dreamy look she'd left on Caroline's face and waited for blue eyes to focus on her again.

Swallowing, Caroline took a deep breath as she watched the smirk on Kate's face intensify. "God, Kate!"

Giving her head that quarter turn and looking at Caroline coquettishly out of the corner of her eye as she so often did, Kate reminded, "We have to take our pleasures where we find them these days, don't we?"

Closing her eyes as she drew her shoulders down to regain some composure, Caroline opened them to say, "Erm, you put away the groceries while I lay Callie in her cot."

"Mmhmm," smiled Kate as she held her place to watch Caroline move down the passage. Watching Caroline walk was something she never tired of doing but it didn't much help her own recovery.

**Transitions**

The boys had set off for York in Kate's car ahead of the rest to visit with their Dad. Babies latched into car seats, diaper bag within easy reach, the McKenzie-Elliot family set off to give Thomas' birth parents the opportunity to take their leave of him. Neither woman was looking forward to this afternoon and wondered what lay ahead of them. Given John and Judith's past history this had a fairly good chance of becoming a disaster. At the same time, they were grateful for the decision the two had made and it was only fair to let them say goodbye to the son they were giving up to adoption.

Caroline drove directly to the park William had described. Each taking a baby carrier, Kate with the diaper bag over a shoulder, they made their way to a table, placing the carriers on top. Across the park they could see the foursome approach. Laurence walked beside Judith and John beside Will.

Judith was the most subdued that Caroline had seen her since their trip to York after Judith's visit to Casualty. She kept looking at Caroline as if seeking something from her. Caroline took a sleeping Thomas from his seat and placed him in Judith's arms as John looked on. Sensing that their presence was not needed, Will signaled Laurence to walk on with him.

By way of greeting John had nodded to Caroline and Kate, saying their names. This was more acknowledgement than Kate ever remembered having received from him. Turning from watching the boys off John said with a nod to the baby boy, "Thanks for bringing him over today.

"Of course," Caroline smiled, "We're very grateful to both of you for allowing us to adopt him."

Judith had sat down with the baby in her lap, studying his features, lifting his tiny hands, touching his cheek. Looking up, "You have him dressed so nicely."

Kate smiled kindly, "It's a special day. For all of us."

Caroline asked softly, "Would you like us to leave you alone with him for a bit?"

Judith met her eye, "No. I don't think so. I… No." Placing a kiss on his head she lifted him for John to take. Tears welling in her eyes, Judith turned to Caroline, "Um, could I talk to you? For a moment." Glancing at Kate, "Alone."

Squeezing Kate's hand before letting go, Caroline nodded to the sidewalk, "Shall we walk this way?"

John, left alone with Kate looked from his son to the child sleeping so peacefully in her seat. "She's quite beautiful. Congratulations."

"Thank you."

Letting his gaze follow Caroline, "I can see she's happy." Meeting Kate's eyes, "You're good for her. I can see that." Pausing, "I was always in awe of her. Never really got over the fact that she'd actually married me. It wasn't a good balance."

Watching Thomas stretch in his arms, John glanced at Kate again and with a tilt of his head in the opposite direction said, "I'll just…" Turning he slowly walked toward the path that circled the playground.

Kate's eyes followed him for a moment considering what it must have cost him to say to her what he had just admitted. Swiveling, she found Caroline and Judith on the sidewalk next to the street turning the corner toward Judith's flat. Both heads were bent and Judith was speaking. As they disappeared behind the shrubbery she turned and watched the boys tossing a discarded Frisbee they'd found at the edge of the playground.

**Judith**

They had set off in silence as Judith took a couple of breaths to steady her voice after handing over her baby. "I've been doing a good deal of thinking recently. Even before the night Laurence…" Looking at Caroline briefly Judith saw her nod then wait for her to continue. "I think I had the baby as a way to keep John. We were finished, really. I'd started to panic at being alone again when I found out I was pregnant. I could have terminated it but I thought if I told John I wanted it, maybe he would stay." Looking at Caroline who was watching her face, "And he did. Only it was no good. We argued our way through the pregnancy. Whenever he'd stop paying attention to me I'd start drinking and he'd do whatever he could to stop me." Turning a stricken face to Caroline, "I didn't want to hurt him, the baby. But when I got lonely I couldn't stop myself from drinking.

Looking off into the distance, "I thought once the baby was born it would be different. We'd be happier. A family." Shrugging, "It was different. It was worse. We argued over everything especially who was going to care for him." Looking into Caroline's face for understanding, "I really did try. At least at first. It's so relentless though, isn't it? A baby? He was constantly needing something. I got so tired. As time went on John did more and more for him. I kind of checked out."

Turning to look Caroline full in the face now. "I know what that makes me. A horrible person. A neglectful mother. Whatever you think, your right and I've already said it to myself."

Caroline spoke for the first time to protest, "Look, Judith. You aren't a horrible person. You had a lot to deal with and you knew John was there to take care of him."

They had reached a bench at the far edge of the park, Caroline indicated for Judith to sit down then sat beside her.

"I was glad when you offered to take him. Especially after that lawyer was so explicit about the trouble we could get into." Once again meeting Caroline's eyes, "So, I'm glad for you to have him. I wouldn't want him to go into the care system. You hear the horror stories." Tears welling in her eyes again and Judith wiped them away before continuing, "But your boys are terrific. I'd like to think that my little boy would have that kind of life ahead of him."

Smiling gratefully, "Judith, we are so pleased to have him." Caroline found she needed to swallow to go on, "We…, we love him already. We'll do our very best for him, Kate and I."

Recovering, "I admire the two of you. You're always so well put together. So… grown up." Smiling ruefully, "The way I'd like to be."

Hesitantly, "Judith, I know it isn't my place to say this and tell me if I'm overstepping but in my work I often recommend counseling for children and sometimes for their parents to help improve a family situation. I wonder if you might not benefit from some personal counseling." Pausing to see how Judith is taking this Caroline saw she was waiting for her to go on. "You have a bit of money now. It seems fitting for you to take this opportunity to make a new beginning as you give your son a new start." A little embarrassed, Caroline reached into her purse and pulled out a paper that she handed to Judith. "I took the liberty of doing a bit of research in case it seemed appropriate to give this to you. These are some qualified people here in York. You'll want to make inquiries and find one that you think you could be comfortable talking with."

Unfolding the paper to look at the list of names and addresses, Judith refolded it then continued to fold it into ever-smaller sizes. "Thank you. I ah… You've been very kind to me considering all that I've put your family through." Straightening to face Caroline, "I'm sorry for everything. Turning up drunk on your doorstep and bleeding all over you and your car, coming to your home when you weren't there to create messes and upset your boys, getting involved with your husband in the first place." Sincerely regretful, "This hasn't been the finest episode of my life.

Smiling humbly, "The last couple of years, maybe none of us have been at our best. It would please me now to think that you and John, together or separately could find a way to be happier, healthier."

"John's accepted a position at the University of Leeds for the autumn term. He's taken a flat there, moved his things from mine already."

Genuinely concerned, "Are you alright?"

"Oh yes, John was very generous, he's signed over all of the adoption money to me. Said he had the proceeds from the house on Conway Drive to see him through."

A little impatiently, "No. I mean are you all right on your own? Do you have someone to turn to?" Skeptical of Judith's shrug, "Would you like me to help you find a good counselor? Is counseling something you're willing to do?"

"I…" Looking at Caroline who was willing her to say yes, Judith swallowed, "I can't go on like this. I know that."

Realizing something of what it had taken for Judith to admit this to her, Caroline decided that she couldn't let this woman flounder. "What if I make some calls on Monday to arrange introductory visits to a few counselors here in York next week. I'll come with you and help you choose one to see. Would that be helpful?

"Why would you do that? I mean, why would _you_ do that for _me_?"

Shrugging a shoulder, "In gratitude for Thomas?"

"Thomas. You're calling him Thomas?"

"Thomas Kenneth after Kate's father and mine."

Seeing the smile of love on Caroline's face, one she has seen there for Laurence and William, "You actually do want him don't you?"

With a smile, "We really do. That's why I would like to help you take the first steps toward a new life. We'd feel happier about having him if we thought you were having a good life too." Turning more serious, "I'm sorry, I can't promise much beyond first steps, we have our hands rather full at the moment but I would like to do that if you'll let me?"

"Thank you Caroline, you've been more than kind. I appreciate that you even offered."

Smiling her professional smile, "Right. I'll call you on Monday once I have something arranged. Oh, perhaps you should give me your number." That accomplished, "Shall we go back?"

"No, I'm halfway home, I'll just head on from here." Seeing the look of worry that came over Caroline's face, "It's OK. I'll be fine. Really. Talk to you on Monday."

Watching this solitary figure walk up the street alone made Caroline sad for her and a little guilty for the happiness in her own life. Knowing that she had done all that she could for the moment she headed back to the table where she had left Kate alone with John. Looking across the way she could see Kate sitting with Callie in her arms watching John pass Thomas to Laurence. He turned to wave to Kate and then, seeing Caroline approach walked to intercept her.

"Judith go back to the flat?"

Nodding, "Just now."

"I'll just go…" Turning back, "Um, I'm glad it's you who has him Caroline. I couldn't want anything better for him than that." Meeting her eyes for a moment, "Thanks."

"We're so very pleased to have him, John. Thank you." She saw him tip his head to indicate his direction as he turned to set off. After waving to his sons, who had joined Kate, John put his hands into his front pockets and hunching his shoulders loped across the playground to the sidewalk that led to Judith's flat.

**There's That Done**

The Mums saw to the babies needs, as they were both wet and hungry. Enjoying the end of a warm sunny afternoon, they all felt more relaxed now that the ordeal of John and Judith saying goodbye to Thomas was over. After helping load the babies and their gear into the Jeep the boys set off for Harrogate in Kate's car, to get a burger then on to the cinema.

On the way home the two women had a chance to exchange perspectives on their afternoon. They were both grateful that it had gone as well as it had, thanks to John and Judith both being sober and in a rather subdued mood. The lack of drama left them feeling that adopting Thomas had been in the best interest of everyone involved. Now they could look to the future confidently.

Approaching the lift from the parking garage, laden with babies and their gear, the couple spotted Gillian leaning against the reception desk chatting with young Martin, the desk clerk. Raising a speculative eyebrow at this behavior as Caroline caught Gillian's eye, she then watched as her step-sister's gaze went from one baby to the other before coming to rest just as speculatively on Caroline. They both broke into grins as Gillian neared them.

"Well, well, what have we here?" teased Gillian looking from one to the other to find them both looking a little uncomfortable which pleased her no end.

Grateful that the lift gates opened just then Caroline ushered her party inside. Once on their way she replied, "Meet Thomas Kenneth."

Bending to inspect the mite, "He is very cute." Looking at Caroline, "Laurence?"

Ruefully smiling, she briefly closed her eyes and nodded.

Once inside the flat Gillian continued, "Intrepid is the word that comes to mind."

"Too late, it's been used," replied Kate.

"Hmm. I imagine so," teased her sister-in-law, "since I'm apparently the last to be told."

Straightening from lifting the little boy from his carrier to place him in Gillian's arms with the hope that the presence of the baby would quell Gillian into not carrying on too long. "Tell me Celia didn't ring you on the way back to Bradford when they left here last Tuesday."

"Of course she did. But that wasn't hearing it from you," Gillian ribbed her.

"We've um… been a bit busy." Caroline indicated a chair to Gillian as she turned to make some tea.

"Yes, I can see that," replied Gillian wryly. Looking at Kate who had taken a seat on the sofa with Callie in her arms, "You're really up for this?"

Laughing, "I think we're committed now." Meeting Gillian's eyes, "We wanted a family. I've always wanted a family." Looking up lovingly into Caroline's face as she perched on the sofa arm, "We couldn't be happier or more pleased."

Watching the two who couldn't take their eyes off one another, "I'm tempted to say better you than me but seeing the two of you together, I'm not sure I might not volunteer myself if I could be as happy as the two of you appear to be."

At the sound of the kettle, Caroline dropped a kiss on top of Kate's head before going back to the tea. "Where's Robbie?"

"He and Raf are motor biking. They asked me to go but I can't stand to watch either of them at that. Since I hadn't been formally notified of your new arrival I decided to head over to find out for myself what's happening."

Later in the Nursery as Gillian and Caroline each changed a baby nappy while Kate tidied the kitchen Gillian asked what she'd come to find out. "So, John's baby. You and Kate. What's that all about then?"

Knowing she wouldn't get out of telling this to Gillian, "Alright, this is the absolute last time I'm saying this to anyone." Caroline one more time told the story as she'd outlined it for her Mum and William.

Marveling, "And Kate was willing to adopt John's baby with you." Eyeing Caroline, "What the two of you have is… amazing. Almost unbelievable." Shrugging, "Well, I wouldn't believe it if I didn't see it before my eyes."

A little embarrassed that her intimacy with Kate was so apparent, Caroline lowered her shoulders and admitted, "I don't deserve her but I don't know what I'd do without her."

Gillian only nodded as she followed Caroline back to join Kate.


	54. Chapter 54

_This week I got to thinking about the birthdays of these two women and how prominently they figured in the series. Speculating on the contrasts between this year and previous birthdays resulted in this chapter, which is rather gratuitously being inserted here, although the end of Kate's birthday weekend does just precede the next chapter. Thanks for indulging me. _

**Kate's Birthday**

This year, Kate's birthday fell on a Sunday. Deprived of her original plan for taking her back to the hotel where they had broken down then reunited, by Kate having taken her there on _her_ birthday, Caroline had searched out alternative plans. What she hadn't counted on when she'd planned this weekend was that they would now have two babies. It wasn't insurmountable but had required some thought. She'd mentioned this aspect of the weekend to Gillian during one of their phone conversations and been quite surprised when Gillian offered to keep Laurence and both babies as well.

She'd carefully explained to Gillian just why she was mad for even making such an offer but Gillian had had an answer to everything and insisted that she bring them all to hers on Saturday before they set off. She assured her that Robbie would be there as well and Laurence was always good help. This being as good a plan as any she'd considered, Caroline finally agreed.

It would mean a good deal of driving for her and Kate but they always seemed to find plenty to talk about whenever they were in the car together. Kate had told her that Margo and Graham were in a chamber orchestra so weeks ago Caroline had reached out to Margo to see if there was an upcoming opportunity to see them in performance. It turned out that on the Saturday before Kate's birthday they were in concert in Leeds with a meet and greet reception to follow. Margo was as delighted as Caroline and invited them to spend the night with her and Graham if they could arrange childcare and wouldn't need to drive straight back to Harrogate.

Debating with herself whether to tell Kate in advance or not, Caroline finally decided that she would knowing that Kate would enjoy the anticipation, plus she and Margo would have fun discussing the weekend. It would also give Kate time to prepare herself for leaving the babies overnight.

On the Saturday of Kate's birthday weekend, Caroline woke Kate with kisses, soft words of love and gentle caresses. She'd arranged for Roger to work an extra night this week to assure that they would not need to rise too early today knowing there would be a long drive and a late night ahead for them both. With Roger and Laurence in the house the babies were in good hands. For the first time in weeks they had the leisure of staying in bed on the weekend and enjoyed the benefits of Caroline's careful planning.

Kate, emerging last from the ensuite following their shower, to find a dazzlingly wrapped package on the freshly made bed. Caroline from the foot of the bed met Kate's eyes as she looked up at her. Then she said softly, "Yes, it's yours. Open it."

Lifting the lid, Kate found a stunning sleeveless pale yellow crepe cocktail dress. Holding it before her, she saw Caroline's face light up.

"The color is perfect for you. Try it on," she urged. Approaching to run the zip, Caroline revolved her slowly admiring the fit of the dress. With Kate facing her, Caroline ran her fingers over the prominent collarbone so cleverly revealed by the sheer fabric above the bust that ended demurely in a simple round collar. "Your beautiful," she concluded. "Do you like it?"

"Are you kidding? I love it." Turning to the full length mirror, "It's very elegant." Watching Caroline's reflection, "I'm afraid its extravagant, I don't often have occasion to wear such lovely gowns."

Smiling, "You will tonight, besides," Caroline held up a pale blue envelope, "that's about to change."

Caroline handed her the envelope. Inside were season tickets to Opera North at the Leeds Grand Theatre. "Caroline! The opera! I love the opera!" Kate wrapped her arms around her wife and kissed her excitedly. "How did you know?"

Bursting into laughter, "You are kidding aren't you? Opera is the new soundtrack to my life."

"Oh," said a subdued Kate. "Do you mind?"

With a loving smile, "No. Not if it pleases you." Then looking rueful, "I may live to regret buying these tickets though."

Excited again, "Oh Caroline, I'll explain all about each opera before we go so you'll know what it's all about."

Dryly, "Yes. That's what I was afraid of."

Embracing Caroline again, "You'll love it, I just know you will." Kissing her, "Caroline, I'm so pleased. I love both presents. Thank you." Then sobering, "This must have been very expen-"

Caroline covered her mouth saying firmly, "Uh, uh, these are birthday presents. We're not talking about what they cost." Smiling again, "Just so long as you like them."

xxx

After brunch, with help from Roger and Laurence, luggage for the five of them was packed into the boot of the Jeep and Laurence inserted himself between the car seats for the drive to Halifax. An hour later, Gillian and Robbie greeted them in the farmyard, helping to carry in babies and their mountain of gear. Having heard that Callie and Thomas were to be at the farm overnight, Celia and Alan had invited themselves, pulling in just a few minutes later. After a cup of tea, Kate kissed each of the babies and hugged Laurence as Caroline followed behind doing the same.

"Gillian, are you sure everything on their schedule is clear? I can go over it again. If there's anything your unsure about just call me. My mobile number is on the bottom."

"And on the top," teased Gillian. Seeing the embarrassment on Kate's face, she hastily reassured her, "I used to be the same with Raf when we left him with Mum and Dad. Really, we'll be fine. We _will_ call if there is anything you should know."

"Anything we should know?' Kate looked in panic to Caroline.

By this time they were on the terrace and Caroline reached for Kate's hand partly to reassure her, partly to be sure she didn't misstep in her anxiety over leaving her babies. Speaking softly and gently, "Kate, Gillian and Robbie are all practiced up, they've been helping raise Emily Jane this past year, you know. Everything is going to be fine." Handing a still worried looking Kate into the Jeep Caroline closed the door. Grabbing Gillian by the shoulder and pulling her toward the back of the car, "You will be careful, won't you Gillian?" Caroline was having second thoughts herself about the wisdom of this plan. "The two of them can be quite a handful. And you have Emily Jane here as well. Are you sure this isn't all too much on you and Robbie?

Realizing that she needs to be as reassuring to Caroline as Caroline has just been to Kate, Gillian assumed a similar tone, "As you say, we _are_ all practiced up here. Besides, at the present time we have seven adults to three babies. I've seen how good Laurence is with them. We're all going to be fine."

Gripping Gillian's arm, "You call _me_ if anything goes wrong, do you hear? Gillian? Me, not Kate. I'll find a way to tell Kate face to face."

"Caroline. Really, _nothing_ is going to happen. The babies will be fine. Laurence will be fine. We're all going to be fine. The two of you go off and have a good time." Opening the driver door for Caroline, "It'll only be a little over 24 hours. We'll see you again tomorrow afternoon." Leaning so she can see around Caroline to Kate, "Bye Kate, have a good birthday weekend. Bye, bye bye. Drive safely!"

'Drive safely.' What does she mean by that? Caroline began obsessing in her mind, Oh my God! What if we get hit on the highway and both of us die on the way to Leeds? They'd made no provisions for their family. What if something were to happen to them instead of the babies. Realizing all at once how quiet it is in the car, Caroline glances over at Kate and sees the worried look hasn't left her face. "Kate?"

Turning a stricken face to her, "Caroline, we've never left both of them for this long before. Not overnight."

Stopping the car below the hill where they are out of sight of the farmhouse, Caroline twisted in her seat to take both of Kate's hands. "I know My Brown Eyed Girl, I know. Do you want to cancel Leeds? We could go back up the hill, put them all back in the car and take them home." She's half hoping Kate will say yes.

Taking a deep breath, "No. We have to be brave. At some point we have to let them out of our sight don't we?"

Squeezing her hands and smiling wanly, "Yeah, we do don't we?"

Kate gives her a sharp look. "Caroline McKenzie-Elliot! You're as worried about them as I am, aren't you?"

Tucking her chin and giving her bashful smile, Caroline gave up trying to fool Kate. "Maybe."

Leaning in to kiss her, Kate whispered, "I don't know why but that makes me feel better." Resolutely, "No, we're not canceling. We're going to Leeds. Put the car in gear Caroline."

Realizing that suddenly she felt better too, Caroline kissed Kate again and complied.

xxx

The concert was marvelous. The two women sat, shoulders touching, sometimes holding one another's hand, enjoying the program all the more for knowing two of the performers. It was amazing to watch Margo in the violin section and Graham with the cellists playing so well. After the ensemble left the stage for the last time, the audience made its way slowly to an adjacent room where drinks were available and soon the performers would join them. As the two made their way to the reception, Kate avidly shared with Caroline details of the musical selections and their composers. Caroline was glad to hear about the music but more pleased simply to see Kate so animated and enthusiastic.

By the time they had drinks in hand, Margo and Graham joined them and were congratulated warmly on the success of the evening. Margo told Kate, "Madame Balakin, is here tonight. Would you like to say hello?"

"My old piano teacher? Really? She must be 100 by now!"

Laughing, "I think she is only around 90 but come on."

Graham interjected, "There is such a crush, maybe Caroline and I will just wait here for you."

Caroline smiled and squeezed Kate's hand before releasing it, "Sure. We'll wait here. See you." She and Graham had just begun discussing the program when one of the other performers came up to Graham asking him to come meet someone. Caroline waved away his concern at leaving her on her own and watched the two move into the throng. By taking a few steps to the left, Caroline found that she could see Kate and Margo across the room talking with an elderly woman. She was quite surprised to suddenly hear the voice of her ex-husband right next to her.

"Hello Caroline, what a surprise."

Her head had snapped around at the sound of his voice and she found him at her elbow looking better than she had seen him look for quite a long time. "John." Recovering quickly, "Judith told me that you were moving to Leeds but I didn't think to see you tonight."

"Judith did?"

"That day at the park. So, your not together anymore?"

"Right. Erm, no. No. It was over long ago. Without the baby…" allowing his sentence to trail off as had long been his habit. "It seemed like the right time to…"

"Right." Looking him over speculatively, "New suit?"

"Hmm? Oh." Smiling, "Yeah, about time for that too. Time to clean up my act, don't you think? New position, new town…"

Smiling back, "Very nice. I'm glad for you."

Belatedly, "You're looking very nice tonight too. Not that you didn't always. Not that I ever…" Hesitating for a moment, "How is the boy?"

"Thomas?" At his nod, "Thomas is fine." Her face softening, "He thrives. He's a very good baby." Meeting John's eye, "We love him very much. Thank you for letting us adopt him."

Nodding and looking away, groping for a new topic, "Where's Kate?"

Gesturing across the room through the thinning crowd to Kate, being introduced by Margo to a broadly smiling couple about their own age. "Margo Southerland, Kate's cousin and her husband Graham are part of the ensemble." By this time, Kate was looking up to find Caroline. Seeing her standing beside John, the smile slid from her face.

Caroline said quickly, "I've got to go." Eyes only for Kate she said over her shoulder, "Good talking with you." Reaching Kate, she took her hand and was introduced to the smiling couple who turned out to be Janie, the friend Kate spent her gap year with in France, and her husband. Gripping Kate's hand as she tried to free herself, Caroline shook hands with Janie and Ned who greeted her warmly.

"I'm so pleased to finally meet you Caroline. Kate emailed me when the two of you married last winter. Congratulations!" enthused Janie. "Oh and a photo of the two of you with your boys and the new baby, Callie is it?"

"Yes, Callie." Looking up at Kate, raising her eyebrows in an effort not to grin, "Then she hasn't told you about out newest edition?" Seeing Kate unable to keep the mirth from her face and her imperceptible nod, Caroline opened her handbag as she heard Janie's puzzled question.

"New edition?"

Producing her phone, Caroline pulled up a photo of all six of them, including Thomas that Edie had taken of them last weekend when William was home from Oxford. "Yes, Thomas Kenneth, after Kate's Dad and mine." The two women leaned back, not daring to look at one another for fear of bursting into laughter, watching the couple sputter in confusion for a moment before Kate put them out of their misery by explaining that they were adopting Thomas. This hardly improved the situation as the pair, obviously appalled, began contemplating a household with two babies as they looked speechlessly from Kate to Caroline and back again.

Just as Caroline was about to lose the battle to laughter, Margo was at her elbow saying to Kate, you won't mind if I steal Caroline for a moment will you, Kate. Before Kate could answer or Caroline could do more than glance at Kate, Margo was drawing her away by the arm. Instead of moving to one of the groups of people nearby, Margo led Caroline out into the corridor. "Caroline, I've just had a call from Edie."

Immediately panicked, "The babies! Are they alright?"

"No, their fine."

Watching Margo shake her head as Caroline continued, "Laurence? Edie? Alistair."

Speaking soothingly, "Caroline, nothing is wrong. Everyone is fine."

Relieved but puzzled, "So why did you bring me all the way out here?"

"I didn't want Kate to see your face when I told you."

"Margo, please. Tell me!"

Smiling, "Kevin arrived on Edie's doorstep this evening. He's here for a few days, wanted to celebrate his birthday with his twin for a change."

"Oh this is good news, Kate will be thrilled."

Taking her arm to stop her turning, "No. Caroline, he wants to surprise her in the morning. He and Edie will be at our breakfast table when the two of you come downstairs. You can't tell Kate."

"Can't tell… Well, why on earth have you told _ME_ then?"

Thinking it through then, "I thought you'd want to know. Kate says you don't like surprises."

"Well, no, but…"

"Surely in your work you must keep certain things from people sometimes."

Shrugging, "Sure. But not from _KATE_." Widening her eyes at Margo, "You know how she is. She reads me like a book."

Raising her brows back at Caroline, barely able to suppress her smile, "Well, you'd better be a _closed_ book tonight or Edie will eat both of us for breakfast." At this the two of them burst into laughter only too aware that neither wanted to risk the ire of Edie.

"So what am I supposed to tell Kate when she asks why you brought me out here?"

Nonplussed, "I dunno."

Exasperated, "You drag me out here without a plan?"

Sheepishly, "I was excited about Kevin being home and wanted to tell you."

Skeptically, "I hope you are better at law than you are at subterfuge, Margo." Then the two of them burst out laughing again just as Kate came through the door.

"Here you are." Smiling at two of her favorite people laughing. "What's funny?"

Caroline and Margo looked at one another and went off uncontrollably, leaving Kate looking on, wanting to join in but with no idea why they were laughing. "What is it? What's so funny?"

Margo finally choked out, "I think you had to be there," before looking at Caroline setting them off once more. By this time Graham arrived to look questioningly at Kate who only shrugged, eliciting another outburst from the two who were literally bent double now, hands on one another's shoulders as they wiped tears with the other hand.

Graham took his wife by the arm, guiding her to the exit, "Alright. Come along you."

Kate, eyeing Caroline suspiciously, decided to do the same and the two followed their hosts to the car, with occasional sputtering from one or the other of the laughing duo as they tried to regain control of themselves.

xxx

After a nightcap with Margo and Graham, with Margo and Caroline carefully avoiding one another's eye and still refusing to say what had been so funny, both couples retired for the night. Once inside their bedroom Kate spun Caroline and pressing her against the door demanded, "Alright, spill it."

Amused now at Kate's intense curiosity, Caroline, eyes twinkling, "Nope. Kate, I can't, I really can't. It won't translate and it really isn't as funny as you would think by the way we were laughing."

Looking at her wife skeptically, trying to decide if she could believe this, Kate watched the expression under blonde fringe change as Caroline snugged her closer, reaching up with her face, whispering, 'kiss me'. Kate began to comply, then stopped short and with pressure from her hips said, "No. I'm not finished grilling you, yet."

Fire smoldering in her blue eyes Caroline replied, "Do that again and I'll tell you anything."

One eyebrow raised, "John?"

Cheekily, "Jealous?"

Eyes locked, "Madly"

Playfulness replaced by sincerity, "Don't be." Then softly, "He just happened to be at the same event. I told you he took a position at University of Leeds." Seeing that Kate was still waiting, "He said hello, I said, 'You've bought a new suit', he asked about Thomas, I said he was thriving and thank you for letting us adopt him."

"He was watching you."

Allowing her hands to wander, "Watching me watch you look stunning in a new yellow dress, as I wondered how long before I got you alone to take it off you." Feeling Kate relaxing into her, "Now kiss me before I…"

xxx

Each time Caroline tried to leave the bed, Kate pulled her back, pinning her with kisses. Laughingly, "Kate, Kate, it'll be time for breakfast."

"It's only Margo and Graham, they won't mind. It's my birthday. No babies. Only you, mmm."

"Ohhh!" Knowing that it isn't only Margo and Graham and that she has a responsibility to get Kate to the dining room she also realizes that the simplest, happiest path in this case is straight through rather than going around and gives her what she wants. What they both want.

Finally on their way toward the dining room, thirty minutes later than the time designated by Margo, they heard multiple voices. Caroline had guided Kate to precede her and moved to the side so she could see her face when Kate saw Kevin.

"Kevin!" and they were in one another's arms as Kevin waggled fingers at Caroline who looked on beaming happily.

Once both women has been hugged and kissed by Edie as well as Kevin, he asked cheekily, "So, what's kept you so long this morning?" Observing Caroline's truth telling blush as he knew he would, Kevin continued mischievously, "You'd better come sit down and have some breakfast to build your strength back up."

Caroline shot Kate an 'I told you so' look to find Kate smiling sweetly as she held out a chair for her. "Kevin, Happy Birthday! You haven't told us what's brought you home."

"Thank you, Caroline. I wrangled a couple of days from my schedule to celebrate my birthday at home with my twin sister. I'm off to Geneva on Tuesday, the conference starts on Wednesday."

"What's the conference about?"

With a wave of his hand, "We can put that into an email. I'm here to catch up with my family." Looking at the women pointedly, "Come on, what's this I'm hearing about a new baby?

"I told you about him on the phone last week," defended Kate.

"Yes. Yes, but when will I see these two?" Eagerly, "I've yet to see either one."

"Well, we have to set off for Halifax today to bring them home but if we leave early enough we could-"

Margo interrupted Kate, "I've spoken to Gillian this morning. Since you've left the car seats at the farm they'll bring the babies home to you by early afternoon. Robbie's offered to make a couple of pans of lasagna for a birthday dinner celebration and Gillian said she would alert Celia and Alan." Smiling at the two of them, "I hope you don't mind but a home invasion is underway."

"Of course not. Do we Caroline?" At her smiling agreement, "Margo, you and Graham _are_ driving up to join us aren't you?"

Regretfully, "Sorry Kate, I spent my weekend preparing for the concert and left preparation for tomorrow's case until today."

xxx

By early evening the Greenwoods and Buttershaws had set off for home, the lasagna was history, Edie's birthday cake demolished and the remainder of the family group settled into the relative quiet for a good visit. Kevin and Edie each had a sleeping baby in their arms as Kate sat down next to Caroline on the sofa and contentedly entwined an arm and hand with her wife's.

Looking at the two of them, "Another lovely family party in this wonderful room. I can't tell you how many times I've thought back to your beautiful wedding and the good time we all had here afterward."

Smiling at one another, Kate said, "We did too for a while. Then, since Callie was born things got very busy and…" looking at Caroline, "we haven't for a while." Meeting Kevin's eye, "Thanks for reminding us." She squeezed the hand in hers and leaned in to kiss Caroline.

"Two babies. Tell me how that's going."

With a loving look at her Mum, then Laurence, "These two are our mainstays. I know we wouldn't have come through so well without Mum and Laurence doing as much as they do. We're very grateful to both of them."

Laurence, obviously pleased to be praised in front of his hero, blushed saying nothing. Edie said, "It's been my pleasure. It's a little trip down memory late to the time Alistair and I were raising the two of you." Then looking sad, "These two are the bright spots to my days now your Dad's regressing." Tearful eyes on Kevin, "The medications don't seem to be helping as much anymore."

"I'm sorry Mum. I know this is hard on you. I wish I could be here more. I'm working to see if I can change that. Tomorrow we'll see Dad's doctors, find out if there is anything more that can be done."

"Kevin, can you really arrange to be here more often?" asked his twin.

"I'm not sure. I am working on it. Best case though it will take several months to set up. Then with a twinkle in his eye, "Do you think you could stand to have me around?"

Grinning, "Oh, I think we might be able to stand it. Just barely."

Tracing the lines of Callie's face then looking over to Thomas on his mother's arm, "I would like to see more of all of you."

**Caroline's Birthday**

On Monday as Kate moved around the flat putting the final touches to setting it to rights following the impromptu birthday celebration for her and Kevin that had been provided by the extended family. The babies were sleeping and Roger had just left for his first class so she was free to muse and relive the lovely weekend just past. Then her mind went back to the Monday in April after Caroline's birthday when she had sent her off to work in a speechless state. Again…

It had been inevitable because she'd just watched her wife dress in the lace knickers, bra and camisole set she'd given her for her birthday. The thought of Caroline dressed just for her beneath that tailored business attire had been such a turn on that it was impossible not to pull her back into their bedroom as Laurence headed for the lift.

Closing the door she'd pressed Caroline against it with her body to deliver a long deep sensuous kiss, releasing her only once she felt her prey slacken into submission. Stepping back then, Kate watched as Caroline leaned inertly for another minute, smoldering blue eyes taking in the gap of her robe where the tie had come loose. Saw her draw a deep breath as she straightened, pulling down her shoulders and wagging her head ruefully at Kate. Finally, she'd recovered to the point of reaching to open the door, eyes never leaving Kate until, taking another deep regretful breath she moved into the passage heading for the foyer.

From the bedroom door, the vision Caroline's high heeled, pencil skirted form moving away was as effectively devastating on her as her ploy had been on Caroline. With one last melting look back, Caroline had closed the door behind her. Resting against the door jam and closing her eyes to seal that mental video into her mind Kate heard her phone. Caroline's text tone. Snatching it up she saw, _'God, Kate!'_ and a pop-eyed emoji with its tongue hanging out. Eyes alight; she sent back the smirking face with a halo above. Waited the moment it took to get a reply, a smiley face with hearts for eyes and the word, _"Tonight!"_

Nursing Callie a little later Kate's thoughts reviewed Caroline's birthday week. The flowers she'd had delivered to Caroline at the office, which had announced to all who entered that this was a special day. In contrast to prior years when only Beverley had known it was Caroline's birthday and been under penalty of the wrath of Caroline to keep the fact under wraps, the news circulated the building at lightening speed. Much to her chagrin for the rest of the day as she made her usual rounds of the school Caroline had been greeted with birthday wishes by teachers and students alike. Caroline had called Kate to thank her for the flowers upon their arrival but by noon she was texting her, _'u r in so much trouble!'_ Kate laughed now as she had laughed then knowing exactly why she'd received this message. Her flowers had neatly circumvented Caroline's habit of keeping herself and her personal life out of the venue of school. She'd wanted Caroline to realize that she was better liked around the school than she thought.

That afternoon, Kate, Callie and Edie had greeted Caroline with a birthday cake and presents when she'd arrived home and clearly, Laurence had been in on the plan. After this ritual was completed, Kate had asked Caroline to have dinner with her at one of Harrogate's finest dining establishments that evening, saying that her Mum would stay to see to the baby and dine with Laurence. Caroline had been especially touched since it was the first time that Kate would be separated from the newborn Callie.

Kate had been a little apprehensive about Caroline's reaction to dinner for the two of them in a posh restaurant. Between the bitter winter weather and her complicated pregnancy the two of them had not been in public together very much since their wedding. Also worrying, was that she had sprung this on her at the last moment, Caroline wasn't always that keen on surprises. Reflecting now, Kate thought perhaps it had been better that way since Caroline had had no time to worry about anything in advance.

Once they'd been seated and begun talking Caroline had relaxed to the point of taking her hand as it rested on the table. Just about that time the Burleson's, being lead to their table had stopped to greet them. The warmth of their hello had been interrupted as the clasped hands of the two women had been noticed and they'd stumbled over their words, confused. The Burleson's had two children enrolled at Sulgrave, and it seemed, had never heard the news about the marriage of the head teacher to the languages teacher. Kate had suavely smiled, "Mr. and Mrs. Burleson, you know my wife, Dr. Caroline McKenzie-Elliot." Mr. Burleson had put out his hand to Caroline, saying, "Yes, of course. How are you Dr. Elliot? Oops, sorry. Dr. McKenzie-Elliot. Caroline had smiled and shaken his hand, nodding to Mrs. Burleson saying "Hello, so nice to see you again." To cover any remaining awkwardness Kate had asked after the children explaining that she was on maternity leave just now and hadn't seen them for a while. Finally, they had moved on and thankfully, been seated behind Caroline where she couldn't see them whispering and looking back at the two of them. They'd resumed their dinner but there was an underlying tenseness that hadn't been there before.

Kate had gone on to describe to Caroline the rest of her birthday surprises. The overnight stay they would make at the infamous hotel on Saturday night. That they would drop Callie and Laurence with Celia and Alan in Bradford on the way, as Celia had insisted on 'equal time' once she'd learned that Edie was at the flat tonight with Callie and Laurence. Then, on Sunday afternoon they were to stop at the farm where Robbie was cooking a birthday meal for Gillian and Caroline. Celia and Alan would meet them there with the children and their reunited family could all set off for home together when the time came.

Caroline had been pleased but a little disappointed, revealing that she'd planned to take Kate back to the hotel on _her_ birthday to erase for both of them the memory of the failed weekend of the year before. Kate had taken her hand and explained that this was exactly what she wanted to avoid, revisiting this site for the first time on _that_ particular weekend. Better this way, they could put the ghosts to rest without the added burden of that anniversary. With a twinkle in her eye, Kate told Caroline, "We've both slept there twice now, once we were even in the same bed but we've yet to actually make love there. I'd like to correct that oversight." Then mischievously, "Besides, I wanted to make sure we booked only one room." So saying, she'd smiled her sweetest smile and squeezed Caroline's hand to underscore her cheekiness rather than any residual bitterness. "Sorry, that was too easy," she'd added.

Caroline had lifted her chin in mock injury, "All the rooms I booked for our honeymoon were double rooms, weren't they?"

Turning on a sultry look, "There is another reason I wanted to go away for the weekend. It may have escaped your notice but I've been heavily pregnant since we've been back together and I rather fancy a second honeymoon. I have plans for you, Dr. Elliot." Caroline's eyes had sparkled at that and only the formal elegance of the restaurant had prevented her from leaning in for a kiss.

Returning to the flat, once Edie had been seen to her car, Laurence off to bed and they had spent time with Callie, Kate nursing her again, she'd lead Caroline to the spacious front room. Lit now with only one soft lamp, Kate started the playlist she'd created especially for this night. Turning to Caroline she drew her into the moderate tempo of the first dance. They'd smiled into one another's eyes at the easy way they now moved into step together, enjoying the pleasures of movement, music and proximity. Gradually, musical selection by musical selection the tempo had slowed until they stood, barely swaying, melding into one another, hands and faces and lips unable to refrain from caressing until they were breathless with yearning.

Allowing the playlist to continue, knowing they could set the speakers in their room to receive this same music, Kate lead Caroline by the hand to fulfill her birthday hopes. One by one garments had been lingeringly dropped to the floor until standing naked in a pool of clothing they came together. Eyes on Caroline's, Kate had taken her hand and placed it on her need as she'd simultaneously covered Caroline, whispering, "Mirror me. Let's come together." Breathing already uneven it soon became ragged and gasping, each emitting little sounds of pleasure, as they both neared the edge very quickly. The intensity of gazing into one another's eyes while touching so intimately had Caroline croaking her name, in a tone that barely allowed her to respond, "Yes!" before they surrendered with soft cries, twisting and swaying, clutching the other tightly until, at last, Caroline dove for the bed pulling Kate with her. They continued to writhe and kiss through the remaining pent up energy to finally lie laughing quietly and nibbling at one another until they grew chilled and found their way beneath the covers to fall into pleasure drugged sleep.

_Thanks to my a-muse-ing muse for reminding me about Kevin._


	55. Chapter 55

**Living the Life**

**The Babies Go to School**

Caroline's mobile rang and she frowned at the interruption. As she slowly stopped typing, reluctant to loose her train of thought on this email, she registered that it was Kate's ring tone. Kate seldom called her at the office. Her first thought is that something was wrong at home.

"Kate?" Concern evident in her voice, "Is everything alright?"

"Yes, course. It's just that Laurence has rung to say he left his Geometry on his desk and could I bring it over. It's his first class after lunch. And I thou-"

"The little bugger, I ask him every morning if he has everything and he always says yes. Now he wants you to load the babies into the car and come out to bring-"

"Caroline! Its fine, I don't mind. As a matter of fact, Beverley has been after me to bring the babies over to school so she can see them. So, I thou-"

Incredulous, "Beverley has? You talk to Beverley?"

Slightly impatient, "You _will_ recall last Tuesday when you had her call me to say you'd be late because of that last minute meeting at St. B's. And twice the week before."

Embarrassed, "Right. Sorry."

Smiling into the phone, "Your on a tear this morning. What's going on?"

Coming to a full stop finally, "Oh, you don't want to know now. I'll tell you later." Apologetically, "Sorry. Sorry for interrupting you. Please, tell me why you called."

"It's alright, Dear Heart, I'm sorry if you're having a bad morning. It's just that I thought since I was coming over anyway, I might bring these two in just before lunch to see Beverley if you thought it wouldn't be too much of a disturbance. But it sounds like this might not be the best day.

"No. No, it's only me that's wound up, Beverley will love it." Smiling, "Bring them in if you like. It'll do me good to see all of you."

Merriment evident in her voice, "I thought we were coming to see Beverley."

Sultry overtones to her voice, "You didn't think you could slip into this building without me finding you did you?"

Soft intimate voice, "We'll see you soon. Bye."

Equally soft, "Bye bye."

xxx

As the meeting around the big table in Caroline's office came to a close, the two newly hired head teachers filed out just ahead of Gavin while Caroline brought up the rear. Seeing Kate in the outer office, Gavin stopped to say hello and offered to take the little boy she held. A little surprised at his interest Kate passed Thomas to him.

"I always loved them when they were this size. Before they began talking and giving out hell." Realizing his language, "Sorry ladies." Grinning, you know what I mean." Inspecting Thomas who was bestowing his toothless smile, "You're a fine fellow, aren't you?"

Kate's eye had not stopped moving along the file of meeting participants until it rested on Caroline, whose first glance around the outer office had homed in on Kate. Eyes meeting in silent greeting, neither could help the smile that played on her lips. Beverley missed none of this and saw clearly the reason her boss now entered the office chirping her good mornings each day.

Standing next to Beverley, Caroline suddenly realized that Callie was leaning and reaching for her. A smiling Beverley handed her over. "I can see this one knows where she belongs already."

Caroline turned a cheek to the incoming open-mouthed kiss of her daughter, placing a kiss on Callie's cheek in return. Remembering then that Kate had not met the two new heads, she introduced them and after shaking hands, they excused themselves to join the lunchtime throngs in the cafeteria.

Laurence almost bumped into them in his haste to enter the office, politely apologizing, he allowed them passage. Once through the door he was met by the gimlet-eyed stare of his Mum. Sheepishly, "Hi Mum, sorry." In the hope of removing himself as the center of attention he made a face at Callie who waved her arms in glee. Gavin handed Thomas to Laurence, explaining that he had a lunch meeting with the contractor for the new school and said his goodbyes.

Laurence turned to Kate, "You are staying for lunch, right? Angus is saving us a table."

Kate's gaze went to Caroline who suppressed a smile at Laurence's enthusiasm for having his family at school and gave a tilt of her head in agreement, saying, "Come on, Beverley, close up shop and join us, won't you?"

Following Laurence and Beverley down the corridor, Caroline still carried Callie whose head was on a constant swivel trying to take in all the activity around her. Kate walked close to her wife, matching her steps, letting her shoulder brush Caroline's. Caroline's eyes on Kate, she confided softly, "I'd almost forgotten how much I miss having you here."

Shooting her a look, "You'd better not forget because I'm coming back you know."

Surprised, "Are you?"

"Hmmm. We'll talk about that later too."

Throughout lunch there was a parade of students and teachers stopping by the Mckenzie-Elliot table, eager to see the two new babies. They were passed around until both were bewildered and began to cry for familiar arms. As Laurence and Angus headed off to their next class Kate called him back in a teacher voice she hadn't used for a while, "Laurence."

Turning Laurence saw Kate holding up the Geometry textbook he'd called to request. "Oh, right. Thanks Kate, I really appreciate this. Lunch was kind of fun though, wasn't it?"

Watching Laurence sprint after Angus, Kate questioned his Mum, "You don't think he forgot that book on purpose do you?"

"What makes you say that?"

Puzzling over it, "I don't know, something…"

Caroline rose saying, "I hate to break up a party but I have a parent meeting in 15 minutes. Just enough time to help you into the car." Heading back to the office to retrieve the double stroller, then on to the front door, the McKenzie-Elliots now formed the parade. All along the corridor her colleagues warmly greeted Kate and the babies were admired. The whole process took longer than expected. Disregarding her schedule, Caroline saw her family to the car. She helped to secure the babies into their car seats then stowed the stroller into the boot of the Jeep. Whoever had the babies now drove the Jeep because it was so much more practical for car seats and the other gear required for two infants on even their shortest outings. This accomplished, the two shared a brief but warm kiss as Kate got into the car. Caroline waved them off before turning to jog up the steps and make her way back to the office at pace for her next meeting.

**An Evening at Home**

Caroline sat on the floor beside the blanket, engaging the babies as Kate helped Laurence with the clearing up after supper. It was a scene that had recreated itself regularly in recent weeks. The two in the kitchen discussed Laurence's latest literature assignment as they worked. Kate's gentle interested questioning helping him clarify his opinions about what he'd read, thus improving the marks he received on the papers he submitted. After the first session or two, Laurence had begun to read the assignment more carefully in order to present a clear case to Kate from the outset. Leaning against the counter as Laurence stooped to put away the pots and pans, Kate caught Caroline's eye across the room and they exchanged a smile with one another because they were both enjoying Laurence's irreverent take on the work of the bard. Kate had come to look forward to these conversations with Laurence as a pleasant counterpoint to her childcare filled days.

Callie sat in the bounce seat that she would soon outgrow, both hands gripping fingers of the hand Caroline had given her. Thomas lay against her upraised knees intently watching her and smiling as she talked to both of them, bending frequently to kiss or nuzzle one or the other. Callie had become quite animated, waving her arms and legs, laughing when her Momma's face came in close, smiling and talking to her. Caroline looked up frequently, keeping an ear on the kitchen conversation as she played with the babies, often finding Kate's eyes on her. Caroline found that the time she spent with the babies each evening relaxed her and soothed away the cares of the day. Everything seemed to fall into perspective then.

xxx

Entering the dimly lit study, Kate dragged her hand across the back of Caroline's shoulders on her way to Thomas' cot to check on him. Lightly tugging the blanket higher on the sleeping infant Kate turned to wrap her arms around Caroline, still tapping on her iPad. Placing a cheek against Caroline's, "I wondered where you were."

Putting a hand to Kate's face, "Is Callie down?"

"Mmm. Sleeping soundly. Laurence is finishing his program on the telly." Registering the picture on the screen before them, "Why are you looking at cars?"

Twisting in her chair to look into Kate's face, "Seems like it might be time don't you think?"

Straightening and letting her hand run down Caroline's arm to draw her along, Kate headed for the wide chair next to the desk. Seating herself she waited for Caroline to sit on the raised edge of the armless chair and swing her legs across her lap to snuggle in. "What's brought this on?" Kate's arms went around Caroline with hands clasped lightly on her hip as Caroline's arm encircled her shoulders.

Ignoring the question, "Have I told you how much I enjoyed having you at school today?" At Kate's smile she went on, "I'd almost forgotten what a difference it makes in my day to see you. Even briefly." Tenderly stroking that stray lock of black hair behind Kate's ear, "You were right, I _was_ feeling harassed this morning. But after seeing you and our babies at lunch, the afternoon seemed to go much better. A little puzzled, "Even though I had just as much to do."

Leaning back a little to focus on Kate's face, "On the way home I was thinking about it, I probably have a heavier workload now than I've ever had. I'm running one school and playing an integral role in opening another." Incredulously, "The thing is, I'm not really stressed out." Shrugging, "Sure, I can get temporarily overwhelmed as I was this morning but…" Smiling into Kate's face, "Being with you makes me so happy. When I come home, I'm thinking about you and our family. It grounds me." Suppressing a grin as she gazed into brown eyes warm with love, "I wasn't going to say this but you already know. Your not letting me read or work at my laptop in bed has helped me sleep better. I wake refreshed and ready for the day. The best part is knowing I come home to you again at the end of it." Taking Kate's beaming face in her hands Caroline kissed her sweetly, twice. "Thank you, Kate. Our peaceful happy home is your doing." Tears forming in blue eyes, "I never knew family life could be like this." As the tears overflowed she kissed Kate again then embraced her tightly.

"We make a home together Caroline. The happiest home I've had since I left my parents house." Sparkling brown eyes held blue until they kissed again.

Wiping tears from her cheeks, "So, are you really coming back to teach?"

"What if I came back part time for the autumn term?"

"Is that what you'd like to do?"

Slowly, "I think so. Much as I adore these two, I really miss being at school."

"Since you mentioned it today, I've been thinking." At the smile Kate gave her which said both how adorable she found Caroline and that she had expected just this result from her noontime comment, Caroline raised her chin and closed her eyes cheekily before going on, "You were right about Pamela Burke and your choirs, she has about run them into the ground. How would you like to have them back?" Realizing suddenly that she wasn't giving Kate much of a choice, "Or was it Languages you'd prefer?"

Giving her a smile and a quick squeeze, "No, you were right the first time, it's the music I miss most." Questioning, "Choirs still both scheduled early afternoon, Monday, Wednesday and Friday?"

"Mmmhmm."

Thoughtfully, "The babies would be napping most of that time. It could work." Smiling up into blue eyes, "Brilliant." Kate raised her lips for the inevitable kiss.

"Any thoughts yet on what to do with the dynamic duo while you are teaching?" Adding hastily, "Not that it's your job to figure that out on your own, I just wondered if you…"

Smiling a bit ruefully, "Not really. Any suggestions?"

Becoming distracted as her gaze roamed over Kate's features, "We don't have to decide this second, we'll work it out." Caroline placed a caressing cheek against Kate's, breathing in her scent.

Reminding softly as Caroline moved to place a cheek on the other side of her face with a bewitching look into her eyes as she did, "We sat down to discuss cars."

Disinterestedly, "Did we?"

Resolutely holding her off, "A Lexus SUV?"

Fingers stroking Kate's face as she studied it, running over that seductive upper lip, "Hybrid, middle of the class in price." Then tucking her chin reprovingly, "Your 2-door car is hardly practical for the family we have now."

Acutely aware of Caroline's lips beneath her ear, "I'm not driving my car, you are."

Pulling back to challenge her gently, "Yes, and when the time comes that you need to drop them off somewhere, say your Mum's, and I need to pick them up?" Twisting in to resume her assault on the other side of Kate's neck.

Unconvinced, "Caroline."

Taking a sharp breath and straightening as she felt fingers snaking up under her jumper, "Kate, I want us to buy you a nice car. Something… mmm, Kate… you'll enjoy driving. Her voice growing dreamier as she went on and Kate's touch continued, "It doesn't have to be that one, I've only just started researching. You can look too, find something you like, something practical for the babies and all of their gear."

Feeling Caroline's fingers on the nape of her neck, moving up into her hairline, "So, what started all of this?"

Elongating her spine as Kate's fingers found her sensitive spot, "Putting you into the Jeep today. We haven't taken them out very much yet…" Softly on a rising note, "Ka-te." Taking a deep breath and continuing, "but that will change now that they're… getting older and the weather is improving."

With an amused expression, "And."

Kissing her nose, "You deserve something nice to drive. It's been a long time since you've had a new car."

Eyebrows raised, "And."

Sheepishly, "Your going to make me say it aren't you?" Seeing Kate's eyebrows still high as she nodded her head, Caroline tried to suppress her grin, "Fine. I don't like scrunching down to get into your car and I miss my Jeep. There, are you satisfied?"

Pulling Caroline in to kiss her neck, "Not yet, but I hope to be."

Her cheek again moving on Kate's she breathed, "Are we still talking about cars?"

"God, I hope not."

Hand in hand they peeked at Thomas again and checked on Callie, said goodnight to Laurence as Caroline reminded him of his bedtime, then on to their room knowing that Roger would let himself in with his key to care for the babies when they woke tonight.

Once in bed Caroline drew Kate to lie on top of her, luxuriating in the warm softness of her weight. Relaxing into Kate's kisses, she let her hands press that lithe form closer into her. Kate slid down unhurriedly paying attention to each breast in turn and would have moved down further but Caroline stopped her, drawing her back saying tenderly, "I want you here, with me, tonight. I want to see your face, feel your eyes on me."

Kate rolled them, "I want to see you too." One leg between Caroline's to support the hand she offered, "Come to me."

Both were breathing unevenly but Caroline gasped as she lifted and applied herself to long knowing fingers. "Ka-a-te."

"Slowly, love. Easy." Although she felt Caroline's body obey, she could tell by her breathing that these words had only increased her need as she knew they would. "Your so lovely," as Kate watched the luminous spotted form above her. Reaching she fondled heaving breasts. "You're so beautiful." Pressing long strokes upon her, "I want to hear you, Caroline. Talk to me" This elicited only moans and other inarticulate sounds through ragged breathing as she was beyond speech now but these were as effective on Kate as any words. Finally, arching and twisting through her orgasm, tears slid down Caroline's cheeks until she collapsed onto Kate, burying her face into her neck.

Holding her close, turning to kiss her wherever she could reach, Kate murmured soothing sounds of love until Caroline put salty lips on Kate's as she slid up and down against the responsive body beneath her.

Urgently, "Touch me." Tucking Caroline's hand between them. I need you."

Allowing her hand to explore and tease while her eyes adored, "I love your face. The lovely brown tones of your skin. The way your smile lights up your face. Your amazing eyes that see everything." Blue eyes crinkling, "I love that furrow between your eyebrows when you're concentrating on something… like now." Smiling as she felt Kate's writhing beneath her shifting them at her attempts to make contact with evading fingers. "And your lips, especially that little point right there…" as her tongue reached out to touch just there, Kate's mouth captured hers, desperate for an outlet for her arousal. On her back now with Kate above, she applied the long deft strokes that raised Kate's head and convulsed her body, expelling her breath.

Drinking in the sight of Kate in the throes of passion, "You are so beautiful." Meeting her pace for a time, then slowing, she watched Kate struggle for control before feeling her key into the new rhythm. "That's it. Yes. Yes." Then she reveled in the delight of Kate's body thrusting through her orgasm with gasping little cries that spiked into Caroline as she stroked through with her beloved.

Holding one another close, both women had tears in their eyes tonight at the beauty of the intimacy between them. Unwilling to separate, they fell asleep clinging tightly, woven together.


	56. Chapter 56

**Taking a Break**

Caroline sat on Kate's stool at the corner of the breakfast bar this morning because it afforded her the best vantage point to watch Kate as she prepared bottles for the babies. Setting down her second cup of tea, "Are you sure I can't help with that?"

"Smiling sweetly, "No, it's part of my routine. Relax for a bit, you've barely had any time off from work in spite of it being summer holidays."

"I am sorry Kate. I seriously underestimated how long it would take to sort and pack my office to store what needs to go with me to Leeds. I had no idea I'd accumulated so many files. Thank goodness Beverley agreed to stay on an extra week to help or I'd still be over there.

"Are you finished then?"

"With the packing up, yes. We can't get organized in Leeds until the remodeling is complete." Apologizing again, "I'm still going to need to meet with Gavin in Leeds to keep on top of the renovation work on the building. I'm hoping it won't be more than a couple of mornings a week."

Kate glanced up skeptically from her task, "Right." She knows already that the renovation was supposed to be Gavin's responsibility. Caroline's was hiring the right people for the new school and training them to replicate the standards at SH. She is also aware of how embroiled Caroline has become in the design and execution of that design in the building at Leeds.

There was a brief knock at the door before Angus let himself in. Stopping short at the sight of Caroline before him, he recovered quickly in typical Angus style, "Dr. Elli-," then, remembering that they aren't at school, "Hey Boss," striking a cheeky note somewhere between disrespect and admiration.

"Laurence is in his room, you can go on back," informs Kate, knowing the effect this boy has on Caroline. He gives her the urge to discipline him, with barely insufficient grounds to do so.

Angus takes a detour, stooping to give each of the babies a tickle to the stomach as they lay on their blanket in front of the windows. He uses Laurence's names for them, "CK! TK!" Then he disappears down the passage.

Looking at Kate, slightly disgruntled, "Isn't he here rather early?"

Cocking her head at Caroline, "You knew he took a job at the hospital since Laurence was there this summer." Grinning, "Heaven help St. Margaret's." Going on, "They bike over together."

"So, what's next on the agenda?"

Resignedly, "Baths?"

Eyes sparkling as she teases in a suggestive voice, "I just had a shower but it sounds delightful."

Giving her a reproving look, "the babies, Caroline."

Another cursory knock and a thin teenage boy steps in calling out brightly, "Good morning!" At sight of Caroline he stops in his tracks. She's almost as surprised as the boy and says nothing. "Dr. Elliot! I um, erm…"

Finally, brows raised in amusement at his stammering, "Good morning Amir." Seeing that he is not recovering, she inquires kindly, "You did know I live here?"

"I um, uh, yes. Yes, of course." Then politely, "Good morning, Dr. Elliot."

Taking pity on him Kate says, "Laurence is in his room with Angus, you can go on back Amir." As Amir speeds away, Kate reproves again, "Caroline, you're scaring him."

"How am _I_ sca-" breaking off as the trio tromps back down the passage, heavy footed as only teenage boys can be. Chorusing goodbyes they troop through the door.

Her project completed, Kate arrives to stand beside Caroline, who swivels her stool to insinuate a knee between Kate's, drawing her in by the waist, "_Hel_-lo."

Brushing blonde fringe off a speckled brow Kate smiles down into bright blue eyes, "Hello,"

Caroline slides her hands up to Kate's shoulder blades pulling them closer, reaching up with her face, eyes on Kate's curved lips, breathing her name, "Kate." In Caroline's voice is a note that always sends a pang through Kate's insides but knowing the demands about to be made upon them by the two infants across the room she resists her urge to respond.

Caroline stretches higher, her body pressed against Kate's, desire evident on her face, "Ka-te."

Her name in two syllables already, this is getting serious. Murmuring as though there were anyone nearby to hear, "Caroline, we only got out of bed together less than two hours ago."

"And your point is..." Squeezing Kate closer, face still reaching, she breathes urgently, "Ka-te!"

Never able to actually resist these parted lips beseeching hers, Kate drops her face into a warm moist kiss that takes them both right back to their earlier lovemaking as though there had been no time between. Just as Kate began to fully respond, wondering if the babies _would_ give them just enough time… the mobile in her pocket begins vibrating. Startled into lifting her head, she sees Caroline's sultry blue eyes calling her back and hears her husky plea, 'leave it'.

Realizing the futility of attempting to carve out time enough this morning for what they both want, Kate pins her hopes on afternoon, and takes the call with a regretful look and a caressing hand to the still upturned face.

"Mum, good morning." Hearing the tenor of her mother's voice, Kate backs out of Caroline's embrace with another touch to her cheek, tilting her head in apology. Moving toward the windows to stand gazing down at her children, who are contentedly cooing to one another on the blanket, "Yes, she's here. I'll need to ask her but I would think so."

Caroline watched as concern took over Kate's face and heard her say 'Let me talk to Caroline and I'll ring you right back, OK?'

Concluding the call Kate turned to Caroline who had followed her. "Mum is asking if I'll come with her today to visit Dad. Apparently, he's been having a run of bad days. It was particularly disturbing to her yesterday and she is finding it difficult to face going over alone today. Would you be alright here with the babies if I go with her?" Seeing the instant sympathy in Caroline's face she smiles, "I'll help with the bathing before I go."

"Of course, you should go with your Mum to see your Dad. We'll be fine here." Confidently, "Don't worry about their baths, I can manage that. I know the routine," Caroline reassured her, "we do it on weekends."

"We do it _together_ on weekends." Looking doubtful, "I don't do it single handedly very often myself. Roger is usually still here helping before he leaves for the day. Too bad he's on holiday for the next two weeks. Although, he certainly deserves a break."

Goodheartedly wanting to support Kate and her family, "We'll be fine. You go take care of Edie and Alistair, I know this is getting very hard for your Mum."

Her arms around Caroline, "I'm really sorry, Caroline; this is your first day home since the holidays began. I wanted to spend it here with you. Mum doesn't know that though, she thinks since holidays began last week we've had all that time together" Wrinkling her nose, "She's probably been waiting to ask until this week."

Tucking that perennially stray lock of black hair behind Kate's ear, "You need to go. Your Mum and Dad need you. I understand. It's fine." Giving her a quick kiss and a parting squeeze, "Go ahead, get ready. I've a stack of periodicals that we uncovered in my office. I'll just skim through them when I'm not caring for the babies."

Giving Caroline an inscrutable look, Kate kissed her again, "Thank you, Dear Heart, for being so understanding," and went to change.

Caroline proceeded to set out what would be needed to perform the bathing operations and was knelt on the floor talking to the infants when Kate returned. Ready to depart she kissed them all in turn before heading for the door. With the handle in her hand Kate turned back, misgivings clear on her face, "Caroline, Mrs. Nelson from the downstairs would be happy to help if you need it. Her number is inside the cupboard door. If you call, she'll be right up."

Giving Kate a rather condescending smile, "Kate, I have had two little ones before. I don't want you to worry, we'll be fine."

Kate knew that this had been many years ago and William and Laurence hadn't been two months apart in age. She was also aware that the times when Caroline had been home alone with these two had been few and the timing well chosen. With an enigmatic smile Kate said a final goodbye and was gone.

Selecting Thomas as the first recipient of a bath, simply because Callie had happened to roll further away on the blanket, Caroline rose telling him, "I believe your Mum thinks I can't handle you and your sister without her. You're both such good babies, we aren't going to have any problems, are we?"

For a few minutes Callie was unaware that Thomas had left the blanket. After rolling first this way and then that looking for him, Callie wasn't very pleased to find herself alone. She began to make her discontent known, intermittently giving sounds of disapproval for a time, fully expecting to have the situation corrected. Caroline called out to her from the kitchen and she stopped fussing to listen but her Momma's voice never got any nearer so she continued to complain, becoming louder as time passed. Since Caroline could not leave Thomas until she had him bathed and dried, there was nothing for it but to let her daughter cry for the time being.

Finishing with Thomas as quickly as she could, she nuzzled his clean sweet smelling baby cheek on the way back to the blanket. Testing him she laid him down and picked up Callie. She'd learned her lesson, comforting Callie as she went, Caroline found the carry seat and brought it back to the blanket. She had to put Callie down to strap Thomas in which caused another round of outrage from the little girl. Thomas strapped in, she shouldered Callie as she stood and taking the carry seat by the handle brought it to the kitchen setting Thomas on the floor where he could see her.

Callie loved her bath and once in the tub had a splashing good time making Caroline laugh in spite of being water splattered from the waist up. By now Thomas was becoming hungry and not receiving the attention he felt was his due began to complain. Caroline would have allowed Callie a little more playtime since she was so thoroughly enjoying herself but now she finished her bath and wrapped her in the waiting towel. Callie's disappointment at the end of her bath set off a stereo effect of crying babies. Hastily dressing Callie, while talking soothingly to both, Caroline set about warming bottles for each while still carrying Callie. She made two trips to the living area, one to place Thomas' seat and the other to bring the bottles. Settling herself on the floor with the sofa for a backrest she cradled Callie against upraised knees and with a bottle in each hand fed both babies. After much switching back and forth she managed to burp each baby and resume the feeding until both had finished. Settling them in their respective cots for their morning nap, she returned to set the kitchen to rights and mop the floor.

Just as she was putting away the mop, the door opened and in backed Mrs. Nelson, a cake under glass in her hands, watching the door close before turning to the room, she sang out, "Kate, here I am. I hope I'm not too earl…" Breaking off as she spotted Caroline, her knit top still water spotted as she was pushing the hair back from her hot face.

Mrs. Nelson found her tongue first, "Oh, Caroline, its you. You frightened me. What are you doing here?"

Caroline, blinking in surprise at this unexpected arrival considered giving the same reply she'd given Amir but decided it would be too disrespectful to this older woman even if she _had_ just let herself in uninvited. By the time this went through her mind Mrs. Nelson had gone on.

"Is Kate here?"

"No, I'm sorry, she's had to go out with her mother."

Placing the cake in the center of the dining table, "Have they gone to see Alistair?"

Surprised again at this familiarity, "Do you know Alistair?"

Giving a short laugh, "Oh no, it's just that Kate has told us about the poor man's struggle with Alzheimer's and how difficult it's been for her mother." The white haired woman looked around the spotless kitchen, "Shall I put on the coffee?"

Taken aback at this non sequitur, "Sorry?"

Finally tumbling to the fact that Caroline has not been expecting her arrival, "Did Kate not tell you that we were coming this morning?"

"We? Erm, no… she didn't. It was quite unexpected that she had to leave. It may be that she forgot…"

"Our Monday morning coffee?" finished Mrs. Nelson astounded that this important event could have slipped her mind.

The door opened again after a cursory knock to reveal Mrs. Stokes, another older resident of the building, who was followed quickly by a much younger woman who had just plucked an infant from a stroller in the foyer after shouldering a diaper bag.

Mrs. Nelson faced her friends, "Good morning girls. It seems Kate's had to go out and Caroline is not expecting us. Perhaps we should go downstairs to my flat this week. It's my turn next week anyway so Kate and I can simply trade weeks."

At last realizing that this is a standing Monday morning occurrence, Caroline's natural courtesy comes to the fore, "No. No, you are all here. You're perfectly welcome. Come in."

Mrs. Nelson, obviously the leader, "Are you certain?"

"Yes, of course, please come in." So they did. Mrs. Nelson to the kitchen to start the coffee, Mrs. Stokes followed her reaching for dessert plates and finding forks, the younger woman to place her baby onto the blanket before the windows, all clearly familiar with Caroline's home and quite comfortable there.

Having set the coffee going, Mrs. Nelson turned to Caroline, "do you know everyone?"

The young woman, returning to the group said, "Oh yes, I know Dr. Elliot from Sulgrave Heath. I was in my last year when she first came in as the Head." Then it occurs to her, "Oh, but you may not remember me. I'm Amanda Graves, well I was Norman then, Amanda Norman." A little nervous, her admiration obvious, she said quietly, "It's a pleasure to see you again, Dr. Elliot."

"I'm sorry, I _don't_ remember you Amanda. I'm afraid that first year was a bit of a blur for me," responded Caroline apologetically. By this time two more women who lived in the building arrived, Caroline was introduced to them and the coffee hour proceeded according to its usual pattern thanks to Mrs. Nelson and Mrs. Stokes making themselves quite at home in Caroline and Kate's kitchen, right down to doing the washing up and putting everything away at the end.

The coffee ladies were quite charmed by their gracious substitute hostess. To Kate's later amusement they would be quoting Caroline at coffee hours for weeks to come. Callie and Thomas were happily greeted following their short naps and passed from lap to lap along with Amanda's six month old.

While the older women were entertaining the babies, Caroline found herself standing beside Amanda watching the scene. The two exchanged an indulgent smile at the sight and Amanda offered, "This may be the central reason some of them attend these coffees. They always enjoy holding the babies. I sometimes think that they would be just as happy if Kate and I went away and left them altogether."

Smiling back, "Perhaps you should. Take a morning off."

Emboldened by this friendliness, Amanda seized the opportunity, "Dr. Elliot, I'd like to tell you how glad I am that you came to Sulgrave when you did. You made quite an impression on this teen aged girl." Meeting her eye, "I was inspired to read science because of you. Become a teacher. When the time comes I want to go back to teaching. We'd like to have another baby first though." A little self-conscious but wanting to say it, "I just wanted you to know how much I admire you, Dr. Elliot."

Caroline was touched, "Why, thank you Amanda." Amanda had made an impression on Caroline this morning as well. Not only had she been kind to the older women in the group, she was obviously intelligent, displayed a keen sense of humor and was a droll storyteller. Caroline could easily see her as a fine teacher. "Send me your CV when you are ready to go back to teaching. Even if its only part time. We'll put you into the process." She warned, "No promises, mind you."

Smiling warmly, "Thank you, Dr. Eliot. I'd be grateful for the opportunity."

Caroline smiled too, "Perhaps you'd better call me Caroline since we're neighbors."

**Babysitting?**

The coffee ladies had fed the babies their next bottle and the two had been put down to nap again, tired by the attention they'd received that morning. Finding that the women had left everything as tidy as they'd found it, Caroline made a light lunch for herself, settling at the breakfast bar with one of her trade magazines. She'd eaten only half of her sandwich when her mobile went off. It was Gavin, apologizing profusely for disturbing her but wondering if she could jog down to Leeds with him? Explaining that she was home alone with the babies he asked if she could talk as there were just a few things he needed to run past her… After a good half hour with him she resumed her lunch only to have her mobile go off again.

This time it was Kate checking how things were going at home and upon finding that all was well she wondered if Caroline would be alright with the babies for another couple of hours. She wanted to take her Mum for lunch. Since the babies came they'd not had as much time for quiet lunches and Edie was missing the days when Kate worked part time and they went to see Alistair three mornings a week. Caroline urged her to take Edie somewhere very nice for lunch especially since she had been so gracious with her time these last weeks, helping them with the babies. Wishing them a pleasant lunch she rang off.

By the time Caroline tidied the kitchen again she could hear Callie waking and found that she had soiled the bed. Changing her, then one-handedly stripping the cot and starting the washer Caroline saw by the curly head drowsing on her shoulder that Callie had not finished her nap so she rocked her back to sleep, putting her down on the living room blanket so she could go make up the cot again.

Before she had finished with the cot Caroline heard her mother's ring tone and took the call answering in a brighter tone than she felt at the moment. "Caroline, are you alright?"

"Fine, why?'

"I've just spoken to Kate and she tells me that you're there alone with the babies." Not waiting for a reply to this, "You should have called me, Alan and I could have come over to help. We wouldn't mind helping you to babysit you know."

Caroline was growing weary of everyone thinking she could not manage her own babies. Kate did it everyday. Did they think she was incompetent? Attempting to control her impatience, "Mum, I'm not 'babysitting' these are our children. Kate needed to spend some time with her parents so I'm staying home today just as she does most days when I go to work."

Her mother sounded unconvinced. "All the same, I could have come over." Then petulantly, "I never get to see you anymore."

Stifling a smile at her mother's injured tone, "Mum, you and Alan were just here yesterday for Sunday dinner."

"Well, and so was Edie," countered Celia. "I never see you on your own anymore. It's a three-ring circus with a sideshow over there. Between the babies, Kate and her Mum, Laurence, then all of his lads in and out who could have a conversation?"

Thinking of her morning Caroline could hardly argue the point with her mother, "I'll admit there is some truth to that, Mum."

"Do you want me to come over now?"

"No no, we're fine. I was thinking I might come over there tomorrow. To Bradford, take you out to lunch. Would you like that?"

"Just you, on your own?"

Smiling "Just me. Well, I would need to speak to Kate, see what plans she might have. But if not tomorrow, the very first day we can. Is that alright?"

Ringing off with her Mum after a bit more conversation, Caroline finished making the cot and tidied the nursery as Thomas began to cry. She changed him and warmed a bottle but he wasn't interested in this and continued to cry. She took his temperature, checked him for rashes or injury and finding no reason for his dissatisfaction sat down to see if she could rock him back to sleep. This had the opposite effect to the one desired so she cradled him and walked the floor to little better result.

Thomas' crying soon woke Callie and now Caroline had two crying babies. Since there seemed no way to comfort the little boy and she could find no reason for his crying she reluctantly put him down beside Callie after bringing in a change for her. Leaving them quickly to warm a bottle for Callie she returned to put Callie in the seat where she could feed her while continuing to cradle a crying Thomas. She managed to finish feeding and burping Callie and settled her back on the blanket with an array of toys to entertain her then went back to walking the floor with Thomas who was as fussy as ever.

Before long Laurence arrived home and made his way straight to his Mum taking the crying infant. Laurence put him up on his shoulder talking to him in a soothing voice, "TK, TK, old man, what is it? Have you got that afternoon tummy again?" Walking back to his room to drop his backpack Laurence returned with a much quieter Thomas telling his Mum, "He gets these spells in the afternoon, you have to hold him up on your shoulder he likes the warmth on his tummy."

Now the door was repeatedly opening to admit boys and girls Caroline knew from school. They were surprised to see Caroline at home and several stopped, looking askance at Laurence. He began giving directives, ordering one to turn on the telly, another to select the game they would play, choosing several others to join him in the kitchen to set out the snacks that Kate had apparently prepared in advance for this occasion. The largest player from the rugby team scooped Callie from her blanket and had her laughing and waving her arms excitedly at his chatter to her.

Amazed, Caroline dropped into her reading chair and for the first time today had nothing pressing to occupy her. She watched as soft drinks were handed around and the games controllers were passed to new players while the others watched, cheering for their favorites. Several girls sat in a circle on the floor across the room talking together quietly, eyeing her surreptitiously from time to time.

Callie was passed from one to another, boys and girls equally eager to hold her and earn a smile from her. Caroline suspected that if Thomas had not been in such a disagreeable mood he too would have been making the rounds. Laurence disappeared with him for a time and had apparently changed the little boy as he had different clothes on now. Laurence walked among his friends, chatting casually, the baby on his shoulder, massaging his back, pausing often to whisper something into the little boy's ear then going back to conversing with his friends.

The game had changed to tennis and doubles teams were being selected when Laurence took her by the hand pulling her from the chair saying, "Mum plays tennis, who wants to be her partner?"

She found herself with a games racquet thrust into her hand and the countdown to begin the game underway. There was no choice but to play her best or embarrass Laurence and disappoint her partner. This is the scene Kate found when she arrived home.

Finishing the match, a somewhat breathless Caroline turned to find Kate watching her with sparkling eyes, surrounded by the girls from the floor circle. Pleased to see Kate she tipped her head to the back of the house and watched as Kate extricated herself from the girls and followed her to their bedroom.

Leaving the door ajar, "Well played, Dr. Elliot."

Turning to pull Kate into her arms, "Look at you Miss McKenzie with your fan club." Reaching for a kiss, she was evaded.

Answering the surprised questioning expression on Caroline's face, "No closed doors, everyone stays with the group."

Moving back in, "But we're not the group."

Turning her firmly toward to the door, "We're the chaperones and must follow the rules."

Protesting, "Whose rules?"

With an arch look, "Yours. Remember what you told Laurence and Angus the other week when they wanted to invite Jenny and Charlotte over?" Then they were back in the throng again.

After a time, just as they had arrived almost en masse the young people departed in much the same way. But not before glasses were rinsed and put into the dishwasher, snacks and soft drinks put away, the floor swept, games &amp; controllers stashed, pillows returned to their places and all debris picked up. Caroline noticed the kitchen rubbish bag in the hand of one of the rugby boys as he headed out the door.

Once the young people were gone, Laurence sat talking seriously with Callie as he manipulated the remote to find his favorite program for this time of day. Caroline, Thomas now contentedly on her shoulder stood looking a little dazed and simply blinked at Kate.

Laughing Kate took Callie from Laurence and led Caroline by the hand to the nursery.

Seating herself on the footstool with Thomas still on her shoulder Caroline asked, "Does this happen often?"

Settling Callie to nurse, "What?"

Looking at Kate with her brows well up into her fringe, "Cosby Kids meet the Golden Girls?"

Laughing now, "Caroline! Honestly, sometimes you're worse than Laurence." Then stricken, "The coffee morning was to be here today. Oh, Caroline, I forgot. I'm so sorry.

"It's fine." She added dryly, apparently, Mrs. Nelson and Mrs. Stokes are quite familiar with our kitchen." Caroline watched Kate suppress her smile, aware of Caroline's obsession about her kitchen. "So, how come I didn't know anything of these regular entertainments?"

"Didn't you? I thought I'd mentioned it. I'm always talking about them, Doris, Percy and Amanda. Laurence tells you about his friends and his games conquests."

Thoughtfully, "I guess I thought you were just running into the neighbors in the lobby or something. And I didn't know that whole gangs of kids were descending on you here in the afternoons." It suddenly occurs to her, "They aren't here everyday are they?"

"Caroline, its fine. He only has one more year at school. I want him to have a good time. Looking at her tenderly, "He's been so sweet with the babies and he helps me with them so much. It seems like the least I can do is to make his friends welcome in our home. His home." Smiling, "They all seem to like these two. You saw how they pass them around. And Laurence makes sure they help clean up before they leave. They've even gotten out the sweeper sometimes to clean the rug."

Caroline's blue eyes are looking at her lovingly, "You like having them here, don't you? You've encouraged this."

Chagrined, "Well, I do know them from school." Tipping her head, Kevin and I could always bring our friends home whenever we liked. We knew Mum would be fine with it." Smiling at Caroline, "I'd like to do that for Laurence. If it's alright with you."

Admiringly, "I think you already have." Sobering, "I just don't want it to get to be too much for you. You already have a lot on here. You'll tell me if we need to make adjustments?"

"Of course, but it'll be fine, Caroline."

Cradling a now sleeping Thomas, "So, how did this start?"

"I told you how Laurence kept bringing his team mates home to see the babies. He was so proud of them. He'd sit one of these big rugby players in a chair and put a baby into his arms and I'd watch them just melt. Then they got to playing games, seems our telly is the best one around for gaming, dunno why exactly. And the next thing I knew one or more of them was here almost every afternoon after rugby ended. Where the boys are the girls follow and… well, here we are."

Grinning, "And now you are feeding the whole rugby team and their girlfriends every afternoon."


	57. Chapter 57

**A Walk in the Park**

Laurence had a spot selected for his Birthday Picnic/Field Day in The Stray that he wanted to show his Mum and Kate. The weather was fine and they had decided to pack a lunch and have a family outing. Will was just home from university on his summer break so that made the day even more special for them all.

The boys had maneuvered the double stroller and now ubiquitous outsized baby bag to the street and seen the little ones installed into their carriage before they set off. Will carried the picnic hamper and Laurence a large thermos of lemonade. Once on The Stray the boys fell into step with one another, discussing the merits of various locations in the park for the proposed Birthday party.

The women, side by side pushing the wide stroller, watched the boys ahead of them, commenting on how they were maturing and what a pleasure they both were now that they'd almost stopped sniping at one another. Their texts and phone conversations as Laurence kept Will up to date on developments at home had served to bring them closer.

"Will seems to be doing well at university but I think he misses being at home. Especially with so much happening here in recent months."

"Yes, he's said as much to me." At Caroline's questioning look, "He was holding Callie yesterday while you and Laurence were shopping and he looked so wistful when he observed how much she had grown since he had last been home a few weeks ago. Then he said he was glad he had decided not to take a summer course this year."

They were exchanging a warm smile at the sweetness of their family when they were interrupted. "Dr. Elliot?"

"Mr. Amos. Hello. How are you?" Caroline straightened to full height and pulled her shoulders down as the tall man in workout clothing stopped running to take in the two women pushing the stroller.

"I thought it was you and then thought surely not…." Seeing the expression on Dr. Elliot's face, Amos sought to change the focus from himself and bent to inspect the babies, "Well, who have we here? Babysitting for the day?"

With a cool smile and a lift to her chin, "No. They're ours." Putting an arm around Kate's waist she looked Amos in the eye, "You'll remember Kate McKenzie from Sulgrave when Chet was there. We married in February. These are our babies."

Blinking for a moment, Mr. Amos recovered quickly, "I say, congratulations!" Smiling warmly, "Congratulations to you both. And congratulations on your newest arrivals." Going on to safer topics, "Chet is home from university, just this week. Is Will here?"

Looking ahead to see that the boys had rounded a bend and were out of sight. "Yes, he arrived yesterday. I'll tell him that Chet is at home, I'm sure they'll want to get together soon."

"Yes, I'm sure they will. Well, I won't keep you, say hello to the boys for me. It's been nice to see you both."

Starting on, Caroline put her hand on the push handle just inside Kate's grip so that her fingers overlapped Kate's, needing her touch. She looked up a trifle tentatively at Kate. She was getting better at this but always needed to see reassurance from Kate that she had done well enough.

Giving the endorsement that she knew Caroline needed, "Nicely done Dr. McKenzie-Elliot.

Relaxing then to grin, "It's becoming quite entertaining now that we have the babies. People don't know whether to be more surprised that we're married or that we have not one but two babies already. And then the fact that these two look nothing alike floors them again."

"Yes, and what about me? I have to look on with a straight face while you thrust out your chin and give them the haughty Dr. Elliot routine."

Indignantly, "I'm never haughty. It's simply self respect."

Tearing her eyes from Caroline to navigate the curve Kate suppresses a smile, "Right."

"Miss McKenzie! Dr. Elliot." A twenty something woman also pushing a stroller from an intersecting path approached the women. "It's Annette. Annette Barrow, well, it would have been Gates when I was at school."

"Annette, of course, the star soprano in my first choir at Sulgrave. How are you."

"Wonderful, I've just had a baby," squatting next to her stroller loving eyes on the sleeping infant, "Maggie," she said proudly. Then in the process of looking up she sees the two babies in the other stroller for the first time.

Seeing that she is speechless, Kate steps in, "These are our babies, Thomas and Callie. Maybe they'll be classmates with Maggie at Sulgrave one day."

Suddenly standing Annette looks at Kate then Caroline then back at Kate again, "Yours? The two of you? But… but."

Slightly amused but also somewhat haughty herself now, "Yes, Annette. Dr. Elliot and I were married this winter." When no response is forthcoming from the staring young woman, "Even decrepit elderly people like us can find love and have families."

Belatedly, "Oh please, I am sorry, I didn't mean to be rude. It's just surprising. One doesn't think of teachers as having lives outside of school." Looking truly embarrassed now, "Well, that's juvenile, isn't it? Of course you do." Regaining her balance a little, "I'm very happy for you." Looking at Caroline who is standing by quietly, her eyebrows raised well up into her fringe trying her best not to laugh. "Both of you." Looking down at the babies again, "And them." Knowing that she has not presented herself as the mature young matron that she had been trying for when she encountered her favorite teacher, "Better be getting on then, before she wakes from having her ride interrupted." Starting off, "Maybe I'll see you again. Bye."

The pair walked on, stifling laughter until they were well out of Annette's hearing, once around the curve they both erupted. "You're right, Dear Heart, this is becoming quite entertaining."

Spotting the boys on the path beyond, "Did Laurence tell you what he is considering as a career?"

"Has he decided on something?"

Smiling proudly, "He wants to be a medical doctor. I suspect it has a good deal to do with your brother."

Just as pleased and proud, "Do you think so?"

"You know how taken he was with Kevin during the wedding week. He memorized the stories Kevin told about his travels and his work. Remember all the questions he asked? Apparently they've been emailing. And he joins us now to watch the news, you know."

Concerned now, Kate asked, "You don't think he wants to go into Doctors without Borders, do you?"

Reflecting for a moment, "It's certainly work that begs to be done. Would I like to see him in some of the places they go? Not really, but that's just my selfishness talking. Besides, the decision will be up to Laurence, won't it?"

Pressing their shoulders together in sympathy on this topic, for Kevin as well as future decisions on the part of Laurence. Caroline continued, "He wants to become a pediatrician." Smiling broadly, where do you think he got that idea?"

Pleased, "Does he?" Looking ahead at the back of the young man in question, "He'd make a good one. Laurence has been very good with these two." Glancing at Caroline, "I don't know what I'd do without him some afternoons. It really makes a difference to have him take one or another of them, sometimes he entertains both for a while."

With her face full of remorse, "Kate, I know I've let you down. Just when you need me most I've been pulled into the middle of the new school project. I know I promised you that everything would stay the same until I finished the summer term and even though at the time I thought it would, it didn't." Slowing their pace, not wanting to catch up to the boys yet, "I never meant to be working so long everyday the way I did." Turning worried eyes to Kate, "And now I'm working more than I thought would be necessary during the break."

Stopping them and turning to Kate, "I am sorry." Fixing Kate with earnest blue eyes, "After Monday, I realized what you face everyday." Putting up a finger to Kate's lips to stop her interrupting, "I know you love it." Smiling, "Being with the little ones," eyes twinkling, "being the pied piper of The Lion complex and den mother to Laurence's friends." Sobering then, "But it isn't fair for me to let you do everything, leave you on your own so much." Covering Kate's hand on the stroller handle, "I've told Gavin that he'll need to find someone else to consult with him on the design elements, Gloria Hammond in the Arts Department will do better than I could anyway." Giving Kate her timid smile, "So, I'll be home more this holiday as I'd originally planned. I will still have hiring to finish and training to do but Gavin will need to manage his own responsibilities."

Brown eyes, flecked with amber, scan the alabaster skin already taking on a shade of pink from the short time they've been walking in the sun. Kate's face was serious, "I do know you'd rather be home with us. I'd rather you were home with us too and not only because of the babies. I've missed our long leisurely evenings together." Smiling softly, "I'm sorry you're missing this time with Callie and Thomas, they seem to change everyday." Her face earnest now, "I do know that you're doing it for all of us. I realize that you are paying the price for my having the luxury of being home with them, seeing those changes. I know I don't say this often enough but I do appreciate that Caroline. I'm grateful for the gift that you're giving me."

"Kate, I promise to get better at guarding _us_, our time together. Keeping our family the priority and not getting drawn into what isn't my area of concern, I'm sorry I didn't realize sooner." Overcome with emotion Caroline leaned in and raised her contrite face to Kate's and was rewarded with a tender kiss. Thomas was becoming restive at this break in motion so they started off again, smiling and meeting one another's eyes as they went.

Laurence's newly deepening voice called out impatiently, "Come on, we're nearly there, don't stop now."

After Laurence gave them a guided tour of the advantages of 'his spot' they threw out blankets for the babies and the food under the shade of a grove a trees. Out of sight of the footpath they made themselves at home. Callie and Thomas were always the central entertainment at any gathering and they sprawled on the blanket to play with them until the babies tired, were fed and put down for naps.

The four chatted as they ate their picnic lunch, catching up on all the news since the last time Will was home. Then they took turns playing three-handed Frisbee, one of them always stationed near the little ones.

**Soooo **

Kate and Laurence had started off for home to begin the evening meal to which the extended family had been invited in honor of Will's homecoming. Caroline and Will had changed the babies before they set off, gathered baby toys, folded blankets and stowed everything back onto the double stroller before following at a sedate pace.

"I thought you were spending most of the break getting the new school ready for the autumn term."

"I was. I am. Well, after Monday I've made some adjustments."

"What happened Monday?"

"The first week of break Beverley and I spent packing up our offices to move to Leeds. It wasn't until this Monday that I was home for the day. Then Edie called and asked Kate to go with her to see Alistair. So, I volunteered to stay home with the babies while she went with Edie."

Impressed, "On your own?"

Giving him a look, "Et tu Brute?"

Grinning, "Why? What happened?"

"Kate and Mum didn't have much confidence in me either. I did manage it in the end but it could easily have been a disaster. They can be quite a handful, these two. Even when Roger is there to help her in the mornings, I have a new respect for what Kate manages every day."

"So, that's all fine then, isn't it?"

Caroline confided, "God, William, I felt like such a… a… a husband."

Blinking at her for a moment, William burst into laughter. Then seeing the hurt on his Mum's face, he quickly apologized, "Sorry Mum. I am sorry. It's just… I've never seen anyone who looked less like a husband than you."

Still nettled from being laughed at, "Well, it isn't about appearance is it?"

Sobering, "No, I suppose not. Soooo…"

"So I've realized that I've let myself get too caught up in the new school project. Don't get me wrong there is work I'll need to attend to this summer but I'd let Gavin pull me into what was supposed to be his responsibility, namely overseeing the renovations." Defending herself now, "He was just so hopeless at the design part of it. The whole place would have been garish if I hadn't… Well, anyway that's mostly decided now. I want to spend some time with my family this summer, even if I do have administrative and faculty training sessions to do now that the hiring is almost complete."

Admiration for her shining in his eyes, "At least you've realized in time to make changes. From what I understand, that's more than many husbands get around to doing."

Looking at him quickly to see if he's making fun of her, she saw that he was sincere. "Was I…? Did I…? When you were a boy is that what I did? Is this what drove your Dad away, do you think?"

Meeting her gaze, William said softly, "You had to do it all then, didn't you? Dad made more messes than he cleaned up as I recall." Looking into the distance for a minute, remembering his boyhood, then back to meet her eyes, "What I remember is that you were always there for us. Always patient, always helpful, always loving." Putting an arm around her and pulling her to him briefly, "You've been a good Mum to Laurence and I. You'll be a good Mum to Callie and Thomas too."

Smiling lovingly up into his face, "You're very kind to say so but I made plenty of mistakes." Looking away, a little embarrassed to be talking about this to her son, "And being a good Mum is not the same as being a good wife."

"You know what Kate says to me?" Seeing his Mum's head snap around to look at him, "She's worried that you're trying to take on too much. You work such long hours then you come home and start right in caring for the babies, helping Laurence with his homework, cooking, doing laundry. She's afraid she isn't keeping up her end and its going to all be too much on you."

"Oh but William, that part is all joy. It's what I love, to be at home with all of you doing those things. That's what energizes me to be able to do the rest. Working is… well, I love that too but without Kate and all of you children its… nothing." Looking away and speaking softly, almost to herself, "I learned that last summer."

Putting his arm around her shoulders again as they walked on, "I only hope I find someone who makes me feel that way one day."

Watching his face, "Roxy?"

Smiling ruefully, "Roxy is very ambitious. She should be. She's very smart and has so much to offer the world." Looking into Caroline's face, "But I'm beginning to think we want different things from life."

"What do you want, William?"

"I'm thinking of teaching, like you and Kate. It seems like such an opportunity to make a difference in people's lives. Roxy is interested in politics and that method of making a difference. I don't think I want to live that life. I think I'd like to come back here to live. Find someone to love, the way you and Kate love one another. That would be my ideal."

"Oh, William. You know nothing would make me happier if that's what you really want."

"Of course, that's a couple of years away yet. In the meantime, I love coming back here to be with all of you." Then regretfully, "Only, it seems like I'm crowding everyone when I'm here."

Immediately apologetic, "I'm so sorry for that, William. Everything with Thomas happened so quickly this spring and now we seem to be overflowing the flat. Kate and I are talking about looking for a house. The Lion was a great choice at the time but it just isn't enough anymore. I promise we'll have more space soon."

"You don't need to do that for me…"

"No. It's what we want. A family home, space for everyone."

Grinning, "Sounds like a tall order."

Confidentially, "I've just learned about a house that might be just the thing for us. I haven't said anything to Kate yet. I'd like to surprise her when it becomes available. You won't say anything?"

Eyes twinkling, "I wouldn't want to spoil a surprise."


	58. Chapter 58

**Laurence's Party**

If this grand room had not been so spacious and open the transferred picnic party would never have been possible. Laurence's 16th Birthday Party, planned as a picnic on The Stray, their front garden, was a rain out. They had anxiously watched the weather forecasts most of yesterday as the steady rain drizzled on. Finally, in the late afternoon Caroline had commandeered everyone and their phones to notify guests of the change in venue to their suite at The Lion.

Today the picnic fare had been spread buffet style on the long sideboard in the dining room and beverages set up on the breakfast bar. Guests had happily served themselves and found a place to eat, perched on any available seat. When those were taken, had arrayed themselves down the long window seat in front of the view that was all but obscured by low clouds and rain. Some even sat in groups on the floor.

After their meal, Celia, Alan and Edie remained at one end of Kate's heirloom table beneath the fittingly majestic chandelier, each holding a baby in their arms. From this vantage point they surveyed the crowded room chatting like the good friends they were becoming. "Who would have thought a rained out picnic in a flat could turn into such a successful party?" grumbled Celia, grudgingly impressed in spite of herself.

"Well, they have thrown themselves into it haven't they?" observed Edie watching her daughter and Caroline moving around the room, seeing to it that guests were introduced, supplying a beverage refill or fetching another sandwich for someone, smiling, laughing, and gracious.

Glancing up from Callie's angelic sleeping face in time to see Caroline leaving one group of guests and head for another Celia said, "Watch this," as she elbowed Alan and caught Edie's eye.

Following her gaze Alan inquired. "What?"

"Watch them. They are like those GPS beacons I was reading about the other day in the paper. Every time they look up they locate the other one before going on with what they're doing."

"Who?" asked Alan as he bounced Emily Jane on his knee.

Satisfied by Edie's benevolent eye on Kate that she had caught her meaning without needing to have it explained, Celia smiled and ignoring Alan went on, "You should have seen them at Laurence's Class Day exercises the last day of term. In the assembly hall Caroline was on the platform, naturally. Kate was in the back with her teacher friends. When it came time for the interval, as Caroline is announcing it you can see her scanning the back of the room for Kate. When she reaches the bottom step she starts off in her direction." Proudly, "Of course, our Caroline is stopped by parents every few feet so she doesn't get very far but here comes our Kate with a bottle of water for her." Remembering belatedly that Edie is Kate's mother, Celia adds, "Well, Kate was stopped a good bit too but she made it to Caroline about two thirds of the way down that long aisle, just as a couple of parents turned away, you should have seen the look they gave one another."

Meeting Edie's eye, "You've seen them, looking at one another like that." At Edie's smiling nod, Celia continued, "I must say, I've never seen the like. Caroline just stood there with her hand on Kate's elbow the rest of the interval, talking to whoever came up to them until it was time to resume. Then another one of _those_ looks as they parted. You'd have thought they were leaving each other for a week. I thought they were going to kiss but Kate leaned in to whisper something in Caroline's ear and they each went their way. Extraordinary really."

Edie raised dark haired little Thomas to her shoulder to wind him as he slowed down on his bottle. Remembering, "Alistair and I used to be something like that."

"Did you?" asked Celia speculatively watching Edie smile softly to herself. Celia couldn't help remembering her own first marriage. It had never been like that with Kenneth, not even in the beginning. He had always been a hail-fellow well met, too busy working the room, glad handing and doing deals to think about her. She had often felt more alone when they socialized than when Kenneth left her behind at home.

Hearing her sudden silence and seeing her faraway look, Alan put an arm around her and inquired, "Alright love?"

Recalling all at once that Alan was right beside her. Alan, who always understood her, invariably found her jokes funny, was always attentive. Celia brightened and leaned her head against his briefly, looking into his loving eyes, "I'm always alright when I'm with you."

Edie looked away from this touching moment, her own loneliness in stark relief. Wishing, not for the first time today or any day, that Alistair could be here with her. The heartbreak of losing him before he was actually gone gripped her again for a moment before she took herself in hand. Glad for a diversion Edie looked up as a chorus of teen voices rose over the din of the party to see Caroline being pulled by an insistent Laurence toward the Xbox crowd in the grouping before the wide screen TV.

"Oh Laurence, you don't want me, surely there are others who would like to play."

Pleading a bit, "Come on Mum, its my party." Assuring her now, "Just one match. Come on, join the fun Mum." A few weeks ago after his Mum and Kate had adopted Thomas, she'd told him she was afraid that he would begin to feel shunted aside with all of the attention they would need to give to the babies. She had told him that if he needed her she would be there for him and that part of growing up was letting your loved ones know when you need them. So fine, he wanted her at the party with his friends not only to entertain their parents, so he was asking.

Seeing that for some reason it was important to Laurence, Caroline gave in gracefully. They had talked about Laurence asking for her attention when he needed her. She'd told him that just because there were a lot of things going on in their lives just now it didn't mean she loved him less. Explaining that two babies in the house was going to be demanding for all of them. Charged him with initiating their conversations sometimes and not always waiting for his Mum to orchestrate everything.

Caroline laughingly allowed her son to pull her into the group, giving Laurence a brief hug and a kiss on the cheek before taking the racquet that was being handed to her, not caring if it embarrassed him a little in front of his friends. He was just so adorably Laurence she couldn't resist.

The youngsters were attentive to see Dr. Elliot playing Xbox in her home like a regular parent and took advantage of the opportunity to tweak her on the missed first serve as she warmed up. Teasing them right back on their own recent missteps in the games they had just been playing they were brought back to the reality of Dr. Elliot, who it was rumored had eyes in the back of her head, such was her talent for being aware of all that went on around her.

Soon the attention of most of the room became fixed on the tennis players. The adults, finishing their meals had begun milling about, ridding themselves of disposable plates and refilling their glasses. The cheering of the teens had turned eyes in that direction and the sight of Caroline in motion had held them there. Caroline in a wide neck peacock green knit top that turned her eyes an amazing shade of blue had been captivating admirers all afternoon. Now, Caroline reaching, bending, taking a lunging backhand shot, laughing and joking with the teens, her eyes sparkling, had captured the gaze of most males present, and of course Kate.

Kate had been checking on the babies when Laurence had pulled Caroline into the game. Now, she stood behind her Mum, hands on her shoulders, eyes only for Caroline, smiling softly, a rapt expression on her face.

Celia, amused at Kate, turned to Alan to exchange a look confirming her previous point and found his gaze fixed on Caroline as well. Jabbing him with her elbow, "She _is_ my daughter, you know."

"Huh? What?" Seeing Celia's face and realizing he'd been caught at it, Alan quickly recovered, "Oh. Uh. Well, she is a fine figure of a woman just like her mother." Seeing her sideways look telling him he wasn't completely in the clear he put an arm around her again and kissed her on the cheek, whispering into her ear a moment before she relented and pushed him away smiling flirtatiously.

Kate had relieved her Mum of a fussing Thomas and stood swaying to sooth him, knowing he needed a change but reluctant to leave the room until the match was finished. Smiling to herself as she watched Caroline unobtrusively drop the last two games to let the bashful Laurie rise in the estimation of her friends at besting Dr. Elliot. Only she and Laurence would know that Caroline excelled at racquet games and would be unlikely to lose against this particular player. Laurence could best his Mum only occasionally much to his chagrin. Seeing Caroline move out of the Xbox center, lifting hair from the back of her lovely freckled neck to cool herself, Kate went to meet her, that familiar feeling in the pit of her stomach as they drew near.

They met to the side of the room, Kate on her way to the nursery to change Thomas and put him into his cot for the nap he needed but they felt themselves to still be the center of attention. Caroline put her arm around Kate and dropped a kiss on Thomas' head then to Kate's cheek giving her a squeeze before allowing her to move on into the bedroom passage, her eyes following.

Turning as Kate disappeared, Caroline found Gillian at her elbow with a cold drink. "Oi, save that for later."

Caroline only wrinkled her nose in return as she accepted the glass. "I'm glad you could all come over today. Sorry we couldn't be outdoors playing games the way we'd planned. Where's Robbie?"

Gesturing with her glass, "He's talking motor bikes with one of the dads over there."

"Everything alright?"

"Oh yeah, yeah. He's been a great help on the farm this spring, lambing and all sorts. For the first time in years I feel like I'm caught up with the work." Looking at Caroline, "It feels nice to be able to get away like this for a day without feeling guilty for all the things left undone."

Caroline gave her a nodding smile and squeezed Gillian's arm knowing that there was still potential danger ahead but helpless to do anything about it.

**Very Entertaining**

Later in the afternoon the younger set moved on to the cinema as consolation for the rained out day in the park. The room seemed to expand upon their departure and quieted dramatically. William and Roxy had elected to remain behind, letting the school friends go off on their own. After helping Caroline and Kate remove the cups, plates and other debris inevitably left behind, Will led Kate to the piano, coaxing her to play for them. Caroline joined in, "And don't let her tell you she is out of practice because she plays for me every night when it's my turn to cook."

Now it was Caroline standing near her Mum and Alan. The two had moved to a more comfortable spot on a sofa after they had been relieved of their charges. Callie, bright eyed and engaging after her nap, was being passed around the room by admiring guests. Gillian and Robbie on the window seat were entertaining Emily Jane.

It was the point in a party when everyone is more or less self sufficient, engaged, having a good time and Caroline had a moment to relax. Sidelined, she allowed her gaze to rest on Kate. She loved to see her like this. When playing the piano Kate could get this far away look on her face. It was a mystery to Caroline where she went but it was beautiful to see and she always came back refreshed. Kate was lovely today in shades of cream, tan and forest colors with a brilliant pendant that sat within the lace edge of the scoop necked top just above a hint of luxurious cleavage. Kate had quickly regained her figure after the birth of Callie and was lovelier than ever.

Proud and pleased, Caroline watched as Kate took control of the room with her music, pulling everyone in. William and Roxy came to lean on the piano and Kate, catching William's eye, started them singing a number from the last school musical Will had been in at SH. Roxy, admiring eyes on Will had been signaled to join at the chorus and before long others in the room were adding their voices.

Kate floated the audience along on her current of music, moving effortlessly from one piece to the next until eventually she began playing the tune from Betty Blues Eyes that Caroline liked to belt out around the house during lighthearted moments. She would do this mainly to tease Kate who was a huge Sarah Lancashire fan. At the opening notes Caroline's eyes snapped back to Kate finding her finishing an aside with William then look up at her. Eyes wide Caroline immediately began mouthing NO. NO. But it was too late William was coming across the room toward her. Roxy, still behind the piano had begun everyone clapping to bring her forward to sing. Tilting her head and giving out her best mother's warning look to William whose grin only widened as he drew her by the arm toward the piano. She realized there was no graceful way out of this and let him lead her to the end of the room.

Keeping hold of William and beckoning pointedly at Roxy, Caroline made it clear she was NOT doing a solo. Kate had replayed the introduction to give them time to position themselves into the curve of the piano and right on cue Caroline began softly, _Nobody, Nobody, Nobody calls me nobody_… linking her arms through the arms of her cohorts she urged them to sing as well. Although they did sing along, Will and Roxy were modulating their voice so that Caroline's was primary. As the tempo of the song picked up, Caroline began to let it carry her away and soon she was giving the song her all. The crescendo found all three of them chorus stepping and they finished rousingly, arms thrown in the air to a standing ovation. Caroline was laughing so hard she had to hold tightly to William's arm to stay upright. Finally, he put his arm around her as did Roxy and the three of them bowed deeply while Kate brought the song to its conclusion.

Caroline, blushing profusely at the attention, hugged Roxy then William to find Kate before her, quite pleased with herself, arms extended for a hug as well. Their embrace was quick as the guests, already on their feet, were around them exclaiming and praising all four as they were pulled in as many directions by their well-wishers.

One never knew what reaction Celia would have to anything but today she chose to be pleased at the performance of Caroline and Will, proudly telling Edie that Caroline had been the lead in her class musical when she was at school, of William's solo performances in the Sulgrave choir and his recent success in the Oxford Revue this winter.

The women had been drawn in separate directions and made their way from group to group each being made much of by friends and family alike. It took a little time for the two to reconnect, as pointed out by Celia, they frequently glanced up to track their progress ultimately drifting closer and closer. Finally, hand in hand they went to pour themselves something to drink. Finding that they were alone at the beverage bar for the moment Caroline inclined her head toward Kate and said so quietly that only she could hear, "Who are all of these people and when are they going home?" Kate leaned in to whisper in Caroline's ear, "I'm so hot for you right now that all I want to do is take you to bed."

Looking into Kate's eyes encouragingly, "You know what music does to me."

Giving her a fiery look Kate replied in a sultry voice, "Don't I just."

"At it again, tsk, tsk." Caroline rolled her eyes and turned to find the smirking face of Gillian just as she had known she would. "We're off. Sheep to feed you know."

Caroline reached out to take Emily Jane for a cuddle and a goodbye kiss, "Are you sure you can't stay a while longer?" She felt the hand Kate rested on her hip pinch her hard in the soft place there and felt smug, knowing that their union would be all the sweeter for their wait.

Gillian and Robbie's departure, with Raf, Ellie and Emily Jane in tow, started a slow drawn out exodus. In singles, pairs and groups the guests took their leave, complimenting the couple on their lovely home and thanking them for a wonderful afternoon.

Felicity, Angus' Mum was among the last to leave. "Caroline, Kate, I don't know how you managed to turn a potentially disastrous last minute change of plan into such a splendid party!" Hugging each, she told Caroline meaningfully, "Now, I know you play tennis, I'll be looking to you for a game one day soon." Smiling at them both, "thank you for a lovely afternoon."

Final guests seen to the door the two were free to look up at last. They saw the ever-helpful William and Roxy once again gathering discarded plates &amp; cups, filling the large bins they had commandeered from the custodian for the occasion. Caroline and Kate dropped onto the sofa facing Celia and Alan, beside Edie who was now holding Callie. Seeing her Mums, the round faced, wide-eyed baby began fussing for these two who had been out of her sight far too long this afternoon. Kate accepted the excitedly squirming baby leaning back into Caroline's outstretched arm which pulled her in so she too could press a kiss onto the curls of the infant.

The elders had become accustomed to these loving family scenes in recent months. After the wedding and especially since Callie had been born the two of them had simply been too busy and preoccupied to worry any longer about the reactions of others to their love or displays of affection. Now, with the addition of Thomas they had their hands full with babies at every turn. Caroline was still working hard and between the two of them running Laurence to his activities, and keeping up with William's life from afar there simply wasn't energy for non-essentials.

Hearing over the monitor Thomas' announcement that he was waking, Caroline went to retrieve him. She found bottles for both babies, warmed them and returned to lean her shoulder against Kate's, each feeding an infant and smiling into one another's eyes, weary but happy. The general conversation had continued throughout, the parents of these two were not oblivious to this interplay but these days had become simply charmed by the natural ambiance of this love filled home.


	59. Chapter 59

**This Thing to Tell You**

"Laurence, have you got these two? I want to talk to your Mum for a few minutes."

Caroline looked up in surprise to hear these words and find Kate already taking her hand before she could even finish hanging up the dishtowel. As they left the kitchen she saw Laurence on the floor with the babies looking up at them speculatively.

"Yeah." Laurence felt himself go on alert. "Sure." They both looked very serious. Everything had been fine at dinner. What could be up already? Shrugging mentally after a long look, he turned back to the infants saying conspiratorially, "Hear that gang? It's just us now. What can we get up to?"

Still leading Caroline by the hand into the overcrowded study, Kate picked William's jumper off their comfortable chair and folded it over the straight-backed desk chair. She guided Caroline to take a seat on the cushioned chair in spite of her words of protest.

As she reluctantly seated herself, "In here, Kate? It's very messy with William's things plus Thomas' cot and… everything else. Wouldn't it be better to go into our room where it's more orderly?"

Seating herself on the rim of the chair and swinging her legs across Caroline's lap, "Not for this."

A little worried about this unprecedented behavior of Kate's but deciding to override that with cheekiness. Eyes twinkling, Caroline lifted her chin with a tilt to inquire, "Besides, if _you're_ telling me a story, shouldn't _I_ be sitting on _your_ lap?"

Settling to rest more of her weight on Caroline's legs, "Not for this."

"Not for-" Breaking off and pulling her head back to really look into Kate's eyes, "What does that mean?"

Taking a deep breath to begin this task, "It means that I have this thing to tell you and I don't want to talk about it in our bedroom."

Concern evident in her voice now, "Why?"

"Caroline, I had an email from Greg today."

Under her breath, "Bloody Greg." Caroline's face turned into a mask and her mouth formed a thin straight line. Eyes fixed on Kate's face, Caroline found herself thinking, '_Not yet. I'm not ready yet.'_

Accurately reading fear on the beloved face, "No, Caroline, it's nothing bad, he just wants to stop in for a visit." Using the arm that had been resting along the back of Caroline's shoulders to pull her close as she rests a cheek on her wife's hair, "I didn't mean to frighten you." Pulling back and tipping Caroline's face up to look into her eyes, "Caroline, have you been worrying about this? About Greg?"

Looking away, Caroline swallowed, "Maybe."

Sympathetically reproving, "Caroline. I told you what Greg and I talked about that night… the night before we… When you and I…" Not wanting to conjure that particular night again for either of them Kate went on, "He told me one of the chief reasons his marriage broke down was that his wife wanted children and he didn't. He told me that his parents had been at one another the whole time he was growing up and filed for divorce almost the instant he went off to uni. He never wanted to run the risk of doing that to a child. So, he decided that not having any children was the best way to assure that it never happened."

Watching Kate, the trepidation still in her eyes, "I know, I know." Closing her eyes briefly and swallowing again before looking up into loving brown eyes, "I know. You told me that's how you knew it was going to be alright for us. That he wouldn't…"

Gently, "But you haven't really believed it?"

Giving a tilt to her head as a type of shrug, "I do here" tapping her temple, "because you told me so, but here," pausing as she placed her hand over her heart, "I'm never fully convinced that he doesn't want you and Callie."

Taking Caroline's hand from her heart and pressing it to her own, Kate smiled sweetly into brimming blue pools and said gently, "It's only that you think everyone wants what you want but they don't Dear Heart."

Using feistiness to override her alarm Caroline challenged, "Then what's he want to come here for?"

Trying to soothe, "Just for a visit, that's all."

Countering, with a touch of ire, "Yeah, right. Cause the last one went so well."

Kate had once found this tone from Caroline intimidating but now she knew it was a signal of distress and dealt with it as such. In fact, she found a certain humor in the quick sarcasm coupled with the expression on Caroline's face. Trying with limited success to contain her urge to laugh, Kate said reprovingly, "Caroline." Then more seriously, "It'll be different this time. You and I won't be angry with one another. I think you're reading too much into this."

Part of her was gratified at being able to make Kate laugh but part of her needed space. Hands now behind Kate's hip and knee as she tries to push her off of her lap in an effort to stand, "If I'm reading too much into this why did you decide you needed to sit on me to tell me?"

Staying put and wrapping her arms tighter around Caroline's shoulders, "Because I knew you'd get like this."

Still challenging, "Like what?"

Pausing to stroke the hair off of her face, "All fearful. Then lashing out to hide it." Kissing her forehead, "Talk to me Caroline." Tenderly, "What are you afraid of?"

Her head on Kate's shoulder now, "That he does still want you. Or Callie. Or both of you."

Fingers running through blonde hair, Kate said in a softly incredulous voice, "You don't think I want _him,_ do you?"

"He does want you," she insisted. "Look at the way he jumped at the chance to…" Unwilling to say the words Caroline resorted to nodding her head toward Kate.

"Caroline." Cocking her head, "He did that out of friendship."

Snorting, "You don't believe that. You couldn't."

Becoming defensive now, "I know it was more complicated than that. It was also about our history. Greg's and mine-"

"Damned straight it was. He never stopped wanting you. You dropped _him_."

"Even if he did, and I'm not saying that's true, it doesn't matter because I don't want him. I want _you_.

Jutting out her lower jaw, "So, why do you want to do this then?"

Reasonably, "Because I think we all need to come together again to give closure to that chapter." Seeing Caroline turn her head to discount this, finger under her chin Kate brought her face back, "Obviously you still have concerns and sooner or later that will come between _us_ if we don't deal with it." Then quieter, "Also, I wasn't very kind to Greg after…"

"Yeah, and that's been worrying me a lot."

Ignoring this, as on that long ago day on the playing fields she'd paid no attention to Caroline's, 'Whyn't you marry him then?'

If we don't see Greg again, normalize this… situation, I'm afraid it might create just the very problem we'd rather avoid."

Skeptically, "Which is?"

"Greg thinking about it more than he should. About what happened… him &amp; I... About Callie. Maybe thinking of coming back later… oh, I don't know. Wouldn't it be better to get it into the open. Invite him here to see how happy we are, that Callie thrives, see our family." She could tell that Caroline was unconvinced, "Put it all behind us. For all of us."

"Or open up a can of worms."

Sincerely, "Do you think I would suggest that we meet him if I thought that was going to happen?" When Caroline didn't respond, "My sense is that Greg is more worried about where things stand between him and I than about Callie or designs in that direction." Pulling a face at Caroline's 'I told you so' look before continuing, "We have been friends for a long time and we did leave it all up in the air." Still trying to convince, "Caroline, I want you to see that this is all it is, so you can stop whatever merry go round is going on inside your head." Appealing to her, "Will you trust me on this?"

Eyes resting on Kate's face, the love she saw there finally turning the tide in her reservations, "You I trust. It's him I'm not so sure about."

"Can't you even say his name?"

A twinkle in her eye but only half jesting, "Bloody Greg?"

Seeing this for the bravado it was, Kate bent her head and placed her lips on Caroline's before saying dryly, "I hope you'll manage to do better than that on the day."

Going back to her other fear, "You really believe he doesn't have designs on Callie?"

"I believe that's the way he felt last summer. Nothing since had given me the impression that anything has changed for him on that front."

Stubbornly, "He might have changed his mind."

"I don't think so."

Lifting her head, "Do you really believe that?"

Smiling her reassurance, "Yes. I do." Her smile broadening, "I hear your daughter getting fussy out there. You know how she likes her Momma at night. Will you feed her last bottle?"

Lifting her hands and trying to suppress a grin, "Unless you plan to keep me captive here any longer."

Lowering her head for a reassuring kiss before rising, Kate watched her out of the room then began to gather tossed about items, restoring order to the room before going after Thomas to relieve Laurence.

William had come home and the boys were watching a loud action film so Caroline took a pajama clad Callie and her last bottle to the Nursery to sit in the rocker with her. The two of them studied each other seriously as the baby drank her bottle. Callie raised her near hand to finger her Momma's lips bringing tears to Caroline's eyes again. What would her life be without this child that she had first thought she didn't want. If she could change her mind maybe Greg could too. To distract herself from thoughts she didn't want to think, Caroline began singing softly, "Itsy bitsy spider climbed up the water spout." Watching Callie smile around the nipple, Caroline smiled too, "Down came the rain and washed the spider out…"

Suddenly, Kate was kneeling before her, resting the arms that held Thomas on Caroline's knees, eyes sparkling with love, "Please don't stop. I love to hear you sing." Grinning, "And by the way your much more beautiful than Carly Simon."

Ruefully, "Mmm. Think you might be a little biased?" Leaning in for a kiss, then, "Sing with me?"

So they remained, their babies between them, singing Itsy Bitsy Spider as they gazed into one another's eyes. It was one of those moments so sweet that it's remembered years later as if it were yesterday. A moment in time to take out later like a snapshot and see just how good life could be.

Coming back from putting Thomas into his cot, Kate found Caroline hovering over a sleeping Callie. Feeling Kate's arms around her Caroline straightened leaning back into the embrace. Turning in her arms, "Kate, you do know how very much I love you, don't you?"

Smiling in love, "I do know. You tell me everyday."

Remorsefully, "But I don't tell you every single day."

Contradicting, "Oh but you do. You _show_ me every single day. By every loving gesture, all the things you do for me, for the children, all the ways you try to save me from having to do things here in the house. That speaks louder than words, Caroline."

"But the words are important."

Agreeing, "They are. Until they become rote. Too many couples say the words so automatically that they become meaningless. I'd rather hear them when you feel them." Grazing her lips across Caroline's, "Like just now."

Leaning the length of her body against Kate and pulling her in by the hips, "What I really feel is the need to possess you."

"Mmm?" Placing a soft exploratory kiss, "I think I might like that."

Moving one foot between Kate's and pulling them together again, "Oh, I think I can promise that you will."

Catching her breath at the suggestive way that Caroline was pulsing against her leg, "Promises, promises."

Smiling through her kiss, "There are advantages to you being taller."

Taking a deep breath of regret, "And disadvantages."

Moving her hand between them, "I can take care of that."

Resolutely pushing her away while turning her toward the door, Kate said, breathlessly, "Bedroom. Now."

Her laugh ringing out naturally until she remembered they were still in a sleeping Callie's room, Caroline quickly covered her mouth and went back to murmuring over her shoulder as Kate is steering her through the door, "Oooh, I love it when you take charge Mrs. McKenzie Elliot."


	60. Chapter 60

**Greg**

"What time did you say he was arriving?"

Kate knew that Caroline's asking what she already knew was a sign of nerves over the impending visit by Greg. She had agreed to Kate making the invitation last week when an email had come through from Greg. He was back in country and planned to visit friends in Durham on the weekend. He wanted to know if he could stop in Harrogate that Monday afternoon for a visit on his way south. Now she replied patiently, "His email said he would leave Durham after lunch and be here mid afternoon."

"Right." Caroline continued busily icing the little cakes she'd baked for their afternoon tea. She'd offered to do this to please Kate and because it gave her something to do on a day she'd promised she wouldn't go in to the office.

...

"Hello Greg. Won't you come in?" invited Caroline who had answered the bell. "Kate's changing Callie. She's just woken from her nap. They'll be right out."

Greg, who had been prepared to greet Kate felt his face stiffen when it was Caroline who answered the door. He wasn't sure what he was letting himself in for by visiting in their home. He'd tried inviting Kate to meet him somewhere but she had insisted that it would be easier, more relaxed if he came to the flat. Looking around now as Caroline led him into the seating area, he took in the gracious setting and the stunning view.

Caroline, following his gaze through the window, indicated a club chair, "Won't you sit here, Greg? It's the perfect vantage point for a view of The Stray."

Scanning the room again Greg said politely, "You have a lovely home."

Formally, "Thank you. We like it." She could hear Kate coming down the passage speaking to Callie as she approached. Grateful that she would not need to make any more small talk with Greg she looked toward the sound, smiling to see them both.

"Greg. So good to see you." Kate gave him a one armed hug as he rose at her entrance. Callie reached out to the red tie Greg wore and Kate was a little startled when he jumped back out of her reach. She'd been about to offer to let him hold the baby but thought better of it for now. "Your very dressed up today," she observed interestedly as she seated herself beside Caroline on the sofa.

"Yes, I had a lunch meeting for a new contract offer. I'm quite excited about it. It'll be in Saudi." Turning to Caroline, he explained, "Saudi Arabia."

Pulling back her chin and raising her brows well up into her fringe in surprise that he'd thought he needed to clarify for her benefit. Did he think she was ignorant? Greg had continued on in the fashion she remembered only too well from their last meeting. Greg talked to Kate with hardly a glance at her, barely pausing for breath as one tale followed immediately upon another. Kate seemed to be listening to him but was also watching Callie handle the beaded necklace she wore. The little one tried repeatedly to taste it, only to be thwarted by her mother.

"I'll make some tea," said Caroline. She was rewarded with a warm smile from Kate and a squeeze to her hand as she passed before her.

Waiting for the kettle to boil Caroline watched this man talk animatedly about himself and his exploits. He hadn't asked Kate about herself or Callie, which was supposed to be the purpose for his visit. She wondered if Callie would have such traits. Caroline made a vow to herself that if upbringing had anything to do with it, she would not.

Caroline settled the tea tray on the table between the sofa and the chairs. Using this interruption to bring Greg's attention to Callie, Kate offered to let him hold her. Sitting back in his chair and holding up his hands in front of him, "Oh, I've never been around babies much. Only child you know." Shaking his head as he planted his palms firmly on his knees, "I'd better not."

Smiling less warmly this time, Kate moved gracefully to the floor saying, "I'll just put her on her blanket then, she can play with her toys while we have our tea." Going on proudly, "She's sitting very well on her own these days, as you can see. At least until she gets tired." Putting a small assortment of toys within Callie's reach Kate straightened to take her cup and saucer from Caroline with a loving glance.

A little later, Laurence coming in from his job found them still sipping tea. Greg was once again giving forth. As usual Laurence made straight for the baby, giving a general 'hello' to all of them. Dropping down beside Callie she got a special greeting, "Hello CK. How's my girl?" Bending Laurence kissed the excitedly waving baby.

Kate, still seated on the floor within reach of Callie, her back against the sofa said, "Laurence, this is Greg."

Reaching across Kate's lap, Laurence extended his hand giving the visitor a long scrutinizing look. He knew Greg was Callie's biological father. His Mum and Kate had told him about the visit, assuring him that there was no need for worry.

Greg, perfunctorily shook hands with the boy turning immediately back to Kate to continue his interrupted tale. He'd seen the penetrating look he'd received from the boy and found it disconcertingly like Caroline's.

Laurence, deciding that he didn't much like this bloke and not caring if he was being rude interjected, "All right! Tea cakes."

Smiling indulgently, Caroline told him, "Go and wash up."

As Laurence set off he threw back over his shoulder, "I've invited Angus and Amir round, is that alright?"

Kate, seeing by Caroline's face that she was about to say she didn't think it was a good idea today, quickly said, "Of course." Turning to put her elbow on the sofa cushion and a hand on Caroline's knee, she smiled into her face before turning to Greg, "You know how it is with teens. They like to travel in packs." She watched the tight, polite smile on Greg's face, which told her that he had no interest in teens. She wondered how he had turned into the person he appeared to have become.

Returning to the group, Laurence had Thomas on his arm. "I found TK was awake when I looked in on him. So I changed him and brought him along to the party." Cross-legged beside the blanket Laurence propped the little boy in the crook of his leg where he fitted perfectly.

Greg, watching the two boys, both with dark hair tinged russet noticed the similarity in their faces wondered at this coincidence.

Kate held out her hands for Thomas and took him onto her lap. As she passed the plate of tea cakes to Laurence with a smile, "Was this what you were after?"

Grinning, he set the plate carefully out of Callie's interested reach and accepted from his Mum a cup of tea and a napkin. "Thanks, Mum."

Kate turned back to Greg, "I told you we'd adopted little Thomas." She did not offer his pedigree.

"Er, yes, I just had no idea that he was so close in age to, to…"

Eyeing him a little coldly, "To Callie," she asked pointedly, not missing the fact that Greg could not seem to say her name. Accepting the bottle Caroline had warmed for the baby, Kate settled him to it then looked Greg in the eye, "Yes, we've only had him just under six weeks but we've grown quite attached to him." Looking down at the hungrily feeding infant, "He's quite a darling." Turning to look over her shoulder at Caroline, "At least, we think so."

Resting her hand on the back of Kate's neck, Caroline responded to her with that chin tucked down smile that always sent a pang through Kate, "Yes, we do."

Just then there was a loud knock on the door which sprung open to reveal Angus nonchalantly strolling in, Amir just behind. "Ay-up," drawled Angus in a rather rude tone, bringing Caroline's head up to give him the Dr. Elliot look he so richly deserved.

Laurence, having polished off the last of the cakes, jumped up meeting his friends in front of the wide screen as they pulled out the gaming devices.

"Not too loud, now," warned Caroline.

"Hello?" They looked up to see Edie tentatively pushing open the door that the boys had neglected to latch. Rising quickly, Caroline went to welcome her mother in law with a kiss to the cheek, "Hi-ee! What brings you here today, Edie?"

Holding out the chocolate iced cake to Caroline. "I was in the mood to bake so I thought I'd bring this by."

Carrying the treasure to the dining table, "How lovely. I'll just make some more tea, won't you sit down?"

Kate had risen to hug and kiss her Mum. She and Caroline both knew that when Edie arrived unannounced with baked goods it meant she was struggling more than usual over Alistair's worsening condition and needed their company. "You remember Greg Thompson? We were at Durham together."

Speculatively eyeing the man who had risen to his feet as she joined the group, "Yes. I remember," she said dryly. Taking a seat at the head of the furniture grouping which gave her a view of the entire room, "How are you?" asked Edie automatically through a tight lipped, grim sort of smile.

As Greg opened his mouth to reply Edie turned to Kate and held out her arms to take Thomas ignoring Greg completely as she began a smiling line of chat with her grandson. Greg closed his mouth and sat down again.

Handing over the baby, Kate jumped a bit, saying, "Oh. My phone." Looking at Greg apologetically, "Sorry, please excuse me." Walking into the dining room she took the call.

This left Greg with Edie in the sitting area. Turning to her he awarded her his most winning smile, which began to fade as he watched her devoting herself to the baby. Edie continued to ignore him altogether. She had no intention of making small talk with this man she considered to be an interloper. She didn't want him to get the impression that he could simply insert himself into Callie's life.

Seeing that he had been dismissed, Greg moved to join the group around the telly. He watched as Laurence and Amir competed at a racing game. Greg loved video games and was hoping that he would be offered a controller.

Angus, in his usual cheeky style, regarded Greg, "You're Callie's biological father, then?"

So, they all knew who he was. Greg stammered. "Er… uh… Yes, I suppose so."

Laurence having won against Amir called, "Alright, Angus, you are up. Come on."

Angus who had been energetically whirling around with Callie in his arms offered her to Greg who once again backed away saying, "Er, no. Not just now. Thanks."

Amir accepted her from Angus asking Greg interestedly, "Are you gay too?"

Greg, surprised and thrown off balance at being asked such a personal question in such a matter of fact way by a mere boy stuttered, "Er, um…"

But Amir had continued on without waiting for an answer, more concerned with the science of the matter than the personal implications. " Statistics on what percent of the population are gay vary depending up on the country where the studies are done. We're learning about it in school."

Greg managed, "Are you?"

Jogging a grinning Callie as he spoke, Amir went on informatively, "Yes. Since I didn't know you and you are a friend of the McKenzie-Elliots I thought you might be."

Greg found himself stammering again, "I… uh… well…"

But Amir went on without noticing the older man's discomfort, "We have to do a research paper this term. I'm thinking of beginning a study of my own on percent of the population here in Harrogate and compare it to national statistics. Laurence and Angus think I'm daft. Do you think it would make people uncomfortable to be asked if they are gay?" Amir answered his own question. "Of course, not. You weren't offended."

Amir went on expounding upon his suppositions but Greg's attention wondered as he looked for a means of escape. Mrs. McKenzie still had a cold eye on him so he turned toward the kitchen where Kate was conferring with Caroline, "It's Mr. Armitage, he has the plumber downstairs. He wants to come up to replace the kitchen faucet that's been giving us problems."

Her voice pitched high with indignation, "What? Now?"

"Yes, it seems he had an unexpected cancelation and if he doesn't do it today it might be weeks before he can get back here."

Indignantly, "It's preposterous not to give people any more warning than this."

Worried, "I know. You're right but it is getting worse and who knows how long it will keep working. What if it breaks completely before he gets back to us?"

Exasperated, "Yes. Alright. Tell him to come up." Then to herself as Kate had returned to the phone, 'He'll want to turn the water off no doubt.' Walking toward Edie, "There's a plumber on his way up, if you want to use the loo, this might be a good time."

Handing Thomas to her, Edie made off down the passage with Caroline calling to her, "Use our room, Edie."

Turning to Greg, "I am sorry about all this. It isn't the way we'd planned the afternoon. Oh! There's the bell, it certainly didn't take him long to get up here." Opening the door, she found not the plumber but her mother and Alan. "Mum, Alan." Receiving hugs and kisses from each, "I didn't know you were coming over today."

"I had an appointment to have my eyes examined. I didn't want to find a new place in Bradford so we just came back here to Harrogate." Taking in the crowd of teenagers milling and queuing for the loo before the imminent visit of the plumber, Celia asked sharply, "Good night, Caroline, what's going on here?"

Caroline took in the scene through the eyes of her mother. Remembering how disconcerting she had found it all a few weeks ago she began laughing at the bewildered look on Celia's face. Kate joined the group just as the bell rang again. "That'll be the plumber, sorry," as she went to let him in.

Caroline introduced Greg as a friend of Kate's, then went on to explain the sequence of events for the afternoon. At Edie's return Alan went to take advantage of the empty facility. Edie wondered if they were planning to cut the cake she'd brought so Caroline went to fetch tableware and the fresh pot of tea she'd made.

While Edie began cutting the cake, the adults found seats around the dining table. Kate was busy dragging out the contents of the cabinet under the sink, making room for the plumber to work while Caroline drew pitchers of water against the potential need of their houseful of guests before the he finished the job and turned the water on again.

Laurence, seeing the cake, asked Edie if there was enough for his friends and being assured that there was plenty he invited them to join the feast. Greg, silenced for once, simply sat watching the teens file by to be handed a plate of cake. He observed them exchanging pleasantries with the elders they had clearly met before then head off to find a landing place to enjoy their treat.

At last Caroline and Kate were free to leave the plumber to his task. Callie had been returned to Kate who took her to get a change while Caroline prepared a bottle for her. Finally the women rejoined their guests with apologies that were swept away by parents who pointed out that they had invited themselves and the conversation continued.

All at once there was the sound of splashing water and a sharp expletive from the plumber. Caroline and Kate looked at one another jumping up simultaneously. Kate thrust Callie at Greg and followed Caroline to the kitchen. Holding her awkwardly away from his body he looked around the table appealing for relief. Under the table Edie put a hand on Celia's arm, restraining her from taking the baby from him. She knew who Greg was if Celia didn't. Surprised but following Edie's lead Celia watched as Greg finally sat the little girl on the edge of the table and the two sat regarding one another for a long moment.

Conversation resumed with Alan, innocent of the whole byplay, asking Edie about Alistair. Greg began to jog Callie a bit and finding that this made her smile became more energetic, lifting her and bringing her down quickly to be rewarded with a giggle each time.

Caroline and Kate were busy with mops and rags cleaning up the water in the kitchen after the plumber belatedly capped the offending fountain. Coming back to the table at last they watched as Greg was all but throwing Callie up into the air, both of them laughing. Just then, Callie's stomach rebelled and she puked this spectacular tidal wave of vomit down the side of Greg's face, into his collar and all over the front of his black suit jacket.

Shocked and appalled, Greg shot to his feet holding the now crying baby at arms length, groaning, "Aauugh! auugh!" Then, "Blimey! Someone take her, please."

Kate reached them first, cradling the crying infant to her, heedless of the mess she was applying to herself. Caroline ran for a roll of paper towels to offer the man who stood in a scarecrow posture, so disgusted that he didn't even want to touch himself.

Torn between laughter and compassion Caroline took the high road, pressing paper into his hands. Greg used them to scrape the mess from his face, throwing the awful items onto his plate. Alan tore off new towels to hand to Greg while Caroline helped him shrug out of his jacket and worked to clean the worst away. She dared not look at her mother or Edie for fear that they would all erupt into laughter. She'd spotted the twinkling eyes of each over their hastily lifted teacups. When Greg had done the best he could with the paper towels, she handed him a pitcher of water and escorted him to the hall bath, offering him fresh linens to finish the clean up.

With Callie changed and clean, Kate rejoined the group to a chorus of cooing grandparents. The youngsters who had witnessed the debacle with high amusement or disgust had gone back to gaming. Shortly Greg returned, tie in hand, shirt collar open, saying that he thought it time he was off. Caroline handed over his jacket with apologies and an offer to foot the cleaning bill, which he declined graciously.

Kate walked him to the elevator, Callie's head on her shoulder. Caroline, with Thomas on her arm held the door for them. Kate apologized, "Greg, I'm so sorry that the afternoon turned out the way it did. We only had tea and conversation in mind, not the whole world descending on us."

Smiling wanly, "Well, you obviously have a very full life here." Smiling genuinely into Kate's eyes, "You've finally gotten the family you wanted. I am pleased for you, Kate." Kissing her on the cheek, Greg stepped into the lift and turning gave Caroline a wan smile, the first she'd ever received from him. He gave a brief wave just as the gates closed and the car descended.

Caroline finally allowed her eyes to meet Kates. She was working diligently to keep from laughing at the memory of Greg, arms extended, sputtering in shock with baby vomit all over him. Her brows were high up under her fringe and her mouth moved with the effort to keep back the grin that wanted to escape and then they both burst out laughing. Laughing so hard that they were bent forward, each clutching a baby to her.


	61. Chapter 61

**What's Happening?**

"Kate? Kate, where are you?"

"Nursery," called Kate.

Caroline was already heading down the passage, having found the main rooms empty. She arrived behind Kate as she unbent from changing Callie to place the four month old on her shoulder. Caroline encompassed Kate's waist with her arms. Resting her chin on the convenient shoulder she kissed the baby, arms waving excitedly to see her. Then on tiptoes she turned her face to place a warm moist kiss in a susceptible spot on Kate's neck.

Giving an 'Mmmm' of appreciation, "You're very affectionate this afternoon."

Releasing Kate to stoop and pluck Thomas from his carrier seat, Caroline smiled to see how animated he became at being held. Nuzzling him, "I'm always affectionate, aren't I Thomas?" Then she turned back to Kate for the real kiss she had come searching for in the first place. Advancing until Kate was backed against the changing table, Caroline's kiss wasn't a 'hi honey, I'm home' sort of kiss. In spite of each of them with a baby in her arms, Caroline's mouth was provocative. Pulling away at last to see a sloe eyed Kate poised motionless before her, Caroline flashed a self-satisfied smile. Eyes alight, her voice soft, "Come and sit with me, I have something to tell you."

Sensing the exhilaration humming through Caroline, Kate wonders what's happening. It's been a while since she has seen her wife this excited. When was the last time? Oh yes, the day she'd told about the new position she was being offered at SH. Heading both schools had kept Caroline working often through the summer break. She had in fact been working today.

"Laurence here?"

A little distractedly, eyes on Caroline's figure and her distinctive carriage as they move through the passage, "Any time now."

These days there was almost always a padded blanket on the carpet before the windows of the living area where they could all get down on the floor with the babies. Dropping with Kate to an edge where they each deposited an infant, then sitting on the floor, unable to wait any longer, "Caroline, what's happening? I haven't seen you this excited in quite a while.

Approaching on all fours, a look on her face that Kate knows quite well, her voice intimate, "I was pretty excited this morning when you kept shushing me for fear Roger would hear."

Kate was unable to respond with other than a breathy 'ahh', because Caroline had captured her upper lip. Releasing it to take both lips, then without breaking the kiss she pushed Kate back against the sofa and straddled her lap, insinuating herself stirringly into Kate.

Gasping a little to feel Caroline's heat through light summer clothing, "Caroline." Turning her head to avoid having her mouth covered again, Kate breathes, "Caroline, what are you doing?"

Running kisses down the slender vulnerable neck, "I'm being… affectionate. Apparently... I haven't been… affectionate enough… lately." Smiling into Kate's throat now as she feels Kate's fingers move up under the back of her shirt drawing her closer.

At the sound of the door and Laurence talking on his mobile, Kate drops her hands but knows it's still going to be obvious to Laurence what he has walked in on. She is just glad that her back is to the door and it will be Caroline who's facing her son.

Caroline has just enough time to sit up straight, albeit still astride Kate's lap, compose her face and smile at Laurence as he enters, giving him a bright, "Hi-ee!" She watches as he pauses to regard them, then with his chin near his chest and shaking his head, he moves toward the passage still talking on his mobile. Grinning as Kate gives a rueful roll of her eyes, Caroline takes a seat beside Kate, her back against the sofa too.

Smoothing out her clothing, "Caroline, I don't know what's gotten into you today, you knew that was going to happen."

As she brings her face close to Kate's again, "It was so worth it."

"Was it? Now I'm all rumpled. And hot and bothered."

Putting an arm on the sofa cushion behind Kate to draw her in, "I like you all rumpled," eyeing the unsmiling lips that she still finds alluring, "especially when your hot and bothered." Caroline's leaning in only to be evaded as Kate moves to her feet.

Hissing, "Caroline! Laurence will be back any minute for his snack, you know that."

Amusement evident, "You're sounding very Mum-like these days."

Rolling her eyes again and giving her the 'duh' look while extending her hands to the babies cooing contentedly on the blanket. "So, what was it you wanted to talk about Caroline?"

Bounding to her feet, she takes Kate's hand saying, "Come on, let's get their things, I want to take you for a drive."

Exasperated but allowing Caroline to tow her, "A drive?! We could have done that before."

Highly amused at Kate's reaction to her this afternoon, Caroline's eyes are twinkling when she says, "It sounds as if you've been spending far too much time with my mother."

Aghast at this assessment Kate protests, "Caroline!"

Thrusting a baby bag into Kate's hands Caroline begins filling it with diapers, checks the wipes supply and tucks it back in, "You finish here, I'll go and get the bottles." Grabbing a carrier seat, "Meet you at the front door."

"Caroline, where are we going?"

Turning back, "It's a surprise." Reaching up to place a quick kiss on befuddled lips then moving through the door, "Come _on_."

**Just What We Need**

In the car, infants strapped into the back seat, diaper bag stowed within reach, Caroline steers the Jeep through the summer afternoon streets of Harrogate. Now that they are driving Kate has begun to calm again. One eyebrow raised, "So, what's put you into such a state this afternoon?"

"I was talking to Beverley-"

"_Beverley_ has put you into this state!?" Laughing now, "I may have to rethink whether it's a good idea for her to remain your assistant in this new position."

Trying to suppress a grin and raising her chin, Caroline resumes pointedly, "Beverley… gave me some news this afternoon that I've been waiting to hear."

When Caroline does not elaborate, "Which is?"

Turning into a tree-lined street of older houses, Caroline indicated with her hand, "This." Pulling into the drive of a sprawling house in the Frank Lloyd Wright tradition, brick and stone and wood running in horizontal patterns, accentuating its length. As the car stopped, "What do you think?"

"About what?"

"The house, silly." Releasing her seat belt and turning to face Kate, "It's just come up for sale. It isn't even on the market yet. Beverley's aunt lives down the street. The couple who lived here are friends of hers. The old gentleman had a stroke and the children have put both parents into care. They've decided to sell the house. They're moving pretty quickly because they both live in London and they need to settle this so they can focus on their parents. If we like it, we can make an offer before it does go on the market."

Protesting, "Caroline. We've only begun to talk about finding a house."

"I know, I know. But this just came up and I've always liked this little estate. There are only twenty-five houses back here and they don't come up for sale very often. They were built in the 50s and they're all reminiscent of Wright's designs. The builder must have been quite an admirer of Mr. Wright. I am too. I particularly like this house. I was invited here once, years ago. Mr. Sutter, the owner, was on the Board of Governors when I first came to Sulgrave. It's a wonderful house and I think it might be just what we need." Watching Kate take in the façade of the house, "Say something Kate."

Enchanted by the vivacious, chattering woman beside her who can barely sit still, Kate chided gently, "Caroline, that would mean you'd need to stop talking first." Then letting her eyes scan Caroline's face, Kate found those intense blue eyes fixed on her. How did it happen that after all this time she could still be so disarmed by the close proximity of those deep blue eyes.

Kate already knew in her heart of hearts that unless she absolutely hated this house or it's found to be structurally unsound or something equally drastic, they will be living here. Kate smiles warmly into the face of the woman she loves beyond all reason. The woman who has only to open her moppet eyes revealing opulent blue lights and give her that apprehensive smile, to get anything she wants from her. A face so vulnerable that it always makes Kate want to hold her close and give her everything she has. Now she only asks, "Can we go inside?" There it is, the reward, the buoyant smile that has made her throw caution to the winds time and time again.

Blue eyes sparkling, "Beverley's aunt has a key, she'll be here any minute. Shall we get the babies out?"

xxx

They had been all through the house and now stood in the combination, kitchen, dining, living area. This space was not quite as open as their suite at The Lion since there was a wall dividing the living area from the kitchen. The kitchen interestingly was at the front of the house opening into the dining room behind it. This followed the windows into the large neighboring living area. At one end there was a brick fireplace which shielded the view of the front entrance but which was open on either side. At the other, the bank of floor to ceiling windows which formed the back wall of both the living area and dining room. The tall windows allowed in a wonderful light with a lovely view of a large terraced garden that ran down to a line of trees at the bottom. Unfortunately, today the good light only showed to disadvantage the furnishings and the fact that little, if any, updating had been done to the house for years.

Beverley's aunt, Doris Mason, had been a frequent guest in this home. As practical as her niece, she was candidly outlining for them the considerations on purchasing the house as the two women roamed the main rooms, peering out of windows and exchanging looks with one another.

As if she might be earning a commission on the house she outlined its features, "Lots of bedrooms, four on this floor with a private bath for the owner suite and another to serve the other bedrooms on this floor. Three more bedrooms on the second floor with a bath there as well. A games room in the lower level, oh, and the billiard table goes with the house by the way. As a matter of fact any of the furnishings that you like can be negotiated for. Much of it will be sold anyway. Dorothy told me yesterday that there isn't much she or Bob will want to take back with them to London, just personal things mainly.

Walking to a front window to stand beside Caroline, "Lots of parking in the forecourt. Beverley says you have teenage boys, they'll have cars and so will their friends," she said knowingly. "A double carport beside the kitchen entrance with a circle drive back to the street, nice to carry groceries in under cover. Smiling toward the infants, "And babies." Very convenient, I have the same at mine."

Returning with her nieces' employer to the back windows, "You can see the low walled inner garden just here off the dining room." Nodding with a smile at the two infants sleeping in their seats, just the thing for these two in a year or so. They won't be able to get far." Going on, "The gardens _have_ been neglected these last years since the Sutter's have been unable to do the work themselves but this property runs into Barber's Wood, so it has a very private back garden.

"As you can see, of course, there's plenty that needs doing. The roof will want replacing right off. Young people like you will want to update the kitchen and baths, paint, flooring, no telling what else." But frankly, if this house gets to market, it won't be available for long. Houses in this estate never are." Giving them a speculative look, "If you want to have a look around on your own I'll be happy to have a seat here and keep an eye on these two."

Kate, feeling that between Mrs. Mason and Caroline she was getting the hard sell, nodded to Caroline's questioning look and they moved off to the bedroom wing. Once out of earshot of Mrs. Mason, Caroline worriedly looked at Kate, "What do you think?"

"Caroline, I don't know. I'm feeling very rushed about this."

Sliding open the glass door that led to a private porch cantilevered over the front corner of the house opposite the carport end, Caroline pulled Kate outside, "Kate, I know it doesn't look its best today. The Sutter's are elderly. They haven't been keeping it up. All of their outdated furniture is still here and it's not easy to see what it might look like once its restored and we have our things here."

Sinking to a bench, "Caroline, this house is going to need a _lot_ of renovation. Besides this is a very big house. Do we really need this? The boys are almost grown."

Sitting down beside her Caroline began, "Kate, I'm sorry that it's all so rushed. I know you like to think things through. I do too. But somehow… this feels right to me." Taking her hand, "You know Laurence is talking about going to university in Leeds to train to be a pediatrician? You know he doesn't want to get too far away from his CK and TK? That means he'll want to live at home while he goes to school. And here we would have a bedroom for William again when he's home from university."

Seeing that Kate is unconvinced she continues, "I know we said we'd only need Roger until the babies were sleeping through the night but I think I'd forgotten just how much babies require. And you do want to go back to work. If we had the space for him I was thinking maybe we would ask Roger if he'd like to live with us in exchange for helping with them. His parent's home is not that spacious, they have more growing children coming up. He says he likes to do his studying at ours anyway because it's quieter." Grinning at this, "Believe it or not. Then between Roger and Laurence there would always be someone coming and going besides me to help with the babies. What would you think about that?"

"Roger is a treasure. He's so good with the little ones plus he's a good influence on Laurence. _If_ we do this and he wants to live with us, I'd be pleased to have him." Needing to put a little distance between herself and Caroline so she can think properly, Kate goes to the railing looking toward the street and sees the path that leads from the front walk around the house to the outside entrance of the lower level beneath them. "This is a big house Caroline, what do we do with it in a few years when the boys are on their own and Roger has moved on to his career?

Coming to stand beside her, "You heard what Mrs. Mason just said about these houses never being on the market long. We could sell if we wanted to. Besides Kate, your Mum turned seventy-two last month, my Mum is seventy seven now. Alan has a serious heart condition. I'm an only child and for purposes of caring for your parents you may as well be an only child. This lower level could easily be made into space for any or all of them if it came to it." Pointing, "We could add another drive over here to put them right at the entrance beneath us and there would be no stairs at all for them." Her eyes on Kate's stricken face, she could see that this possibility hadn't occurred to her. Wanting to reassure her, "It may never come to that but if it did, we would be in a position to do what we need to do.

Going back to the bench at the truth of this sobering thought. "So, OK, between what we both realized from the sale of our last house we can afford this one. But what about the expense of all of these renovations?"

Looking reluctant, "I was saving this for our six month anniversary dinner on Friday but it might be better if I told you now. I've been approached about writing a book on the new diversity program we've begun implementing at SH in the Summer Term. Their is a text book firm who wants a procedural, a review on this first year, what we would do differently. Also input on the curriculum that is being drafted based on what we are doing here." Ruefully, "There's an advance but it _would_ involve a lot of work. On the plus side, it's work I could do at home. There are also some speaking engagements that would take me away from home about six times next year. Another reason I want to be sure you have someone here with you and the babies." A new thought, "Better yet, someone to come with us so you can go with me and we can bring them along too."

Taking both of Kate's hands, "I really am sorry to throw all of this on you so suddenly. Look, they aren't going to sell this house overnight. In fact, they have their work cut out for them before they can even list it. Lets go home and talk about it, shall we?"

Nodding, Kate followed Caroline into the house to retrieve their children and thank Beverley's aunt for showing them around.


	62. Chapter 62

**If You Like**

Usually the Mum's gave Callie and Thomas the final feeding of the evening, putting them to sleep and gently tucking them into their respective cots. Tonight they left it to the boys and with an ear cocked for sounds of difficulty, retired to their room to talk more about the house. Caroline sat on the edge of the tub watching Kate remove her makeup.

Kate glanced at Caroline, knowing she was waiting for her to be ready to talk. "I remember the first time we walked into this flat. It seemed so enormous, far more than I thought we needed." Stopping to turn and lean against the basin she looked at Caroline, "Tonight when we came home I realized how cramped we've become here. Two grown boys besides you and me, two babies plus all the things that go along with caring for them." Grinning, "And since the babies, Laurence is constantly bringing his friends home to show off the little ones. I love it but it _can_ get… crowded from time to time."

Continuing to regard a smiling Caroline, "I am pleased that both of your boys are happy enough in their home to think they want to live with us when they really wouldn't have to. I love both of them. Laurence has been a darling with the babies. I don't know what I would have done without him sometimes, you know that. He and I have actually become closer than I would have thought possible six months ago." Returning to her task, "I was surprised a little by Will saying that he was thinking of coming back here after uni. Do you really think they'll both live with us?"

"Well, not forever. But I think they will for a few years, if we have space for them." Smiling her ever so slightly crooked smile, "Thanks to you for making it such a happy home."

"_That_ has been a joint effort. It wouldn't have worked without everyone trying."

"Yes, but you've made it very easy for the lot of us." Standing to lean against Kate, "Are you sure it isn't going to be too much for you to go back to work, even part time?"

Seeing Caroline's genuine concern for her, Kate smiled. "No, you're making it very easy for me. We have lots of help with the babies. I think we'll all be fine." Then, "Are you worried about it?"

"Nooo. I just don't want you to be overwhelmed." Tenderly, "All I ever wanted was for you to enjoy this time when they're little. I know you've looked forward to it for years. I only want you to be happy."

Running the backs of her fingers down the sides of Caroline's face, "I am happy. You make me happy Caroline. Thank you for making it possible not only to be able to be home with them but for Roger who gets up with them at night giving me the rest I need to _really_ enjoy them everyday." Then impishly, "And enjoy you and your misguided attempts at a little 'afternoon delight'."

"Misguided?!" Gyrating her hips against Kate's, "Tsk, tsk, tsk. Mrs. McKenzie-Elliot you are going to pay for that." Closing in and just barely refraining from a kiss, Caroline pulled them both upright, "but first, I want to know if you _like_ the house. We haven't even talked about that."

Turning Caroline to face the mirror and perching on the tub, "Yes. I think I do. I like the lines of the house, inside and out. I like the large windows and the big open plan for the main rooms. That would make it seem like home right away, we've gotten so used to that here. I like the little courtyard right off the back corner, it would be perfect for Callie and Thomas when they get to toddling.

The garden has lots of potential." Catching Caroline's eye, I know your green thumb has been missing the chance to get into the soil. And having three strapping young men around the place would help get that into shape fairly quickly. I like that the boys could have their bedrooms upstairs and we could be downstairs, close to the little ones," raising an eyebrow, "with our own private balcony."

Coming to stand next to Caroline as she towels her face, "And I love that you're thinking about taking care of our parents." Taking a corner of the towel to dry soap bubbles clinging to the blonde hairline, "As usual, you are several jumps ahead of me in planning how to take care of everyone. I do love you. So much."

"So, is that…?"

Kate reared back a little to look Caroline full in the face. With her head cocked and an eyebrow quirked, she said gently but firmly, "Is that us beginning the discussion of where to live once our lease is up here? Yes. It is."

Her face falling as she realized that Kate was not ready to commit to this house, "So then…" Caroline faltered.

Picking it up, "So then, we look around and see what else is available and make a comparison to the house we saw this afternoon."

"Well, but I…"

Continuing reasonably, "I realize now that you've been doing some research and looking around for us. This is a big decision, Caroline. We'll want both of us to be considering all of the options so we can talk about it and come to the best decision for our family, won't we?"

With dismay, "Oh, Kate. I've done it again, haven't I? Presented you with a result rather than share the process with you." Caroline felt her stomach tighten at the thought of how wrong she had gotten it yet again. "Kate. I'm so sorry. I just…" Faltering again as she saw how big this would be to Kate. Would she be angry that she'd been excluded? Why hadn't she thought of this from Kate's point of view?

Seeing regret and consternation on the features that had been so happy and excited until just now, Kate felt a little like the Grinch who had stolen Christmas but this was too important to their future to overlook. She didn't want to do this standing awkwardly in the bathroom under those glaring lights. Taking Caroline's hand she led her into the bedroom which was lighted by the bedside lamps. Sitting on the edge of the bed, Kate curled one leg in front of her so she could face Caroline who mirrored her.

Proceeding cautiously because this topic had the power to unbalance them, "I know in the past this was your role. But now, with us, it can't be that way anymore, Caroline. When you do this it makes me feel as if you don't value my judgment, my point of view. Logically, I know that isn't true but that's how it feels." Seeing a chastened Caroline listening carefully, Kate continued more gently, "You do know that we will be closer and grow stronger if we do these things together, right?"

In a small voice, "I got it wrong. Again. I am sorry, Kate." Still a little defensively, "I just wanted to surprise you."

Relenting, "I do appreciate a good surprise Caroline but on something like this it will be better if we go through the process together. It's too big for me to just be as excited as you over this house with nothing else to compare it to. You do understand that, don't you?

"So, are you cross?"

Considering, "Part of me was. For a while. But, no not really, as long as we agree that on the big things like where we will live and on big purchases we need to be in the process together. Even at the expense of a surprise." Watching the blue eyes resume their confidence again, "Agreed?"

"Yes, agreed. It won't happen again." Then with the timid smile that always did Kate in, "So, am I forgiven?"

Feigning reluctance to show yet how forgiven she was, "Well… If you were to sit on my lap again like you did this afternoon, I _might_ be willing to forgive you."

The sparkle returning to blue eyes, Caroline's voice became sultry, "Oh, I think that _might_ be arranged." With an innocent raise of her eyebrows, "So, the _whole_ afternoon hasn't been a waste?"

Torn between eyeing the tempting lips and the captivating eyes, Kate replied somewhat distractedly, "Not entirely. I did find your enthusiasm and excitement… rather contagious."

Standing, Caroline drew Kate to her feet. Pulling the top over Kate's head and letting her gaze travel down to full rounded breasts, her fingers and eyes going back to trace the lines and hollows of the delicate shoulders before trailing once more to run just beneath the edge of a lacy bra. Her breathing shallow, Caroline raised her face for a savory kiss, reawakening what had been interrupted in the afternoon.

Caroline's hands had slipped behind Kate as they kissed, freeing her from her restraint, pulling the garment from her shoulders and dropping it to the floor she let her hands cradle the heaviness.

Head back, eyes closed, fingers tucked into Caroline's waistband for balance, Kate felt the feather light kisses as Caroline's lips moved across her shoulders and neck before finding her mouth again. Unfastening Caroline's jeans she let her hands slide into the hollows just in front of her hips, inside the knickers to slowly ease the clothing down over fullness, letting her hands slip to the rear to cup luscious flesh. She felt Caroline's hips tilt into her. Bending her head, lips to Caroline's ear asking softly, "_Are_ you going to sit on my lap tonight? The way you did this afternoon?" Kate felt Caroline's smile against her cheek.

"If you like."

Gliding her hands up and up, riding the curve at the waist, over the ripple of ribs to unclasp Caroline's bra, pulling it and the top over her head to see the rise and fall of translucent skin. Dropping the clothing and easing the upraised hands onto her shoulders, Kate bent to lower the jeans far enough for glorious spotted legs to step out, taking in that sight before she pressed a self controlled kiss between tempting breasts, then made quick work of shedding the rest of her own clothing with a little help from Caroline. Kate watched raptly as the resplendent body made its way to the center of the bed.

They'd been hyper-aware of one another since the kiss that a tip-toed Caroline had placed behind Kate's ear that afternoon. Now holding out her arms to Kate as she reclined, Caroline's eyes never left the lithe loveliness that followed her, watched it slink up her body, full rounded breasts grazing her skin until at last Kate lowered herself onto Caroline. Waves of arousal radiated through bodies, which had been building toward this moment. Arms, which had lightly received Kate, now splayed on the bed. She luxuriated in the warmth and weight of Kate's deliberate undulation against her. Caroline couldn't stop herself writhing in response. Blazing eyes on the hovering face she breathed, "Oh, Kate."

Kate's kisses lapped their way from lips to throat, breast to breast and eventually back to her mouth, Caroline's sudden intakes of breath and groans of pleasure enhancing her own enjoyment. At length, moving to seat herself against the padded headboard, drawing Caroline after her, Kate coaxed softly, "Come. Sit on my lap." Pupils dilating at the sight of Caroline rising to an elbow, "The way you did before."

Swallowing at the sight of a tousle headed Kate and the brown eyes that were devouring her body, Caroline complied. "I didn't think you liked that so much, earlier."

Breathing fast and shallow now, tone distracted, "Time and place, Caroline. Time and place."

The sight of Caroline rising to straddle her knees mesmerized Kate. The changing shape of cinnamon spotted breasts as she moved captivated her. Kate watched as Caroline paused, intent blue eyes focused on her. Advancing slowly Caroline closed the distance between them, breath quickening, as they missed no detail of the other. Caroline snugged her heat against Kate's abdomen once again. She heard the small cry it elicited and moaned softly at this sound and the sensation of contact.

No longer able to view the breasts that now rode over hers Kate's face had risen, following the bright head above hers. Raising hands that had rested lightly on speckled shoulders to smooth back white blonde tresses for a better view of the mouth now opening with desire as it closed in on hers. Warm moist kisses, slow and soft that further charged them.

They stilled for the moment, experiencing their acute reactivity to one another. It happened like this sometimes. Infrequently enough that they were awed anew and tacitly honored it by cherishing this heightened sensitivity to one another.

Kate's arms had lightly encircled the woman on her lap as they became lost in the depths of one another's eyes, breathing in one another's essence, auditing one another's breathing, each aware of the restraint in the body against hers. Finally Kate let her face reach for the kiss she needed. It was another soft sensuous kiss that electrified them further, a kiss demanding an escalating series of increasingly fervent kisses. At last they parted for breath and to regain their now tenuous hold on control.

Caroline resumed her almost imperceptible pulsing against Kate, conscious of the full breasts against her as her own breasts rested on Kate's. She moved her bent knees further apart to maximize her contact with Kate as she watched molten brown eyes widen.

Missing no nuance of this deepening of sensation Kate deliberately breathed through the effect it was having on her. She saw the play of a smile on Caroline's face in satisfaction at her response. She also noted the effort required by Caroline who was trying to manage her own arousal. Caressing hands had drifted down to barely rest on Caroline's hips. Sliding again her fingers found the dark crevasse. Following it down and around to the place where all flesh begins to funnel inward, lingering there, fingering lightly, relishing the gasp then moans and writhing this produced. Kate's upraised face took in Caroline's expression of total absorption in sensation. Then she found it necessary to breath through this overload of her own senses, yet again.

In a trembling series of escalating pleas, "Ka-a-te, Ka-aa-te. Touch me, Kate. Please."

Kate allowed her fingers to delve into slippery wetness, then trace the full length of firm curving ridges of inner labia producing whimpers that turn to mere breathy sounds, closing blue eyes from view. Continuing this practice to great effect Kate becomes aware that Caroline is about to orgasm and she wants desperately to be inside her for this. Long agile fingers glide in, delighting in the feel of her but almost losing rule of herself at the surprised cry from Caroline.

Caroline gives herself to the orgasm that racks her body, barely mindful enough of time and place to strangle her cry, she presses her mouth to the side of Kate's face as she continues to drive against skillful fingers.

Kate's free arm held Caroline to her body. As she finally quieted, Caroline began to relax into Kate giving her a sense of power at bringing this self-controlled woman to such an inert state. Kate squirmed to feel the friction of the increased amount of skin touching skin now that Caroline had melted into her. Every muscle in her own body still taut with her imminent need Kate's mouth kissed its urgent way up the salty throat, across the slack jawed cheek to find the mouth that she knew would respond to her.

Caroline roused to the fervor of Kate's demanding body and pulled her in, her own body recalibrating to the overt sexuality of the vibrant woman that she could never have enough of. Rising she responded to Kate's despairing gasp at the loss of body contact with a husky, "On your knees." Admiring blue eyes drank in the sight of molten grace and beauty flowing upward to meld into her once again. Each woman reveling at the renewal of their embrace, they pressed together hands securing them to one another.

Caroline's lips at Kate's ear, "Slow or fast?"

A moan escaped the curved lips, "I've been waiting for you all afternoon, Caroline. I think that's slow enough." Covering the lips now smiling smugly in satisfaction at this admission, Kate demonstrated the extent of her need. Her breathing very shallow, Kate reared back to put herself into the light of blue eyes, "You know how I need you to touch me." Bodies offset just enough to give access; Caroline fingered a whimpering Kate, no longer able to contain her response. Under Caroline's knowing touch, Kate was soon arching and strangling her own cries from within Caroline's loving arm. Cupping a hand behind Kate's head Caroline tenderly kissed a weakened Kate now sagging against her.

After hours of building tension, of waiting, eyes on the other, the intimacy of discussing their future, these two continued to move together. Eyes inciting lust, touching, tasting, reveling in their closeness until totally spent they rested in one another's arms, panting and smiling, still caressing with faces and hands, chuckling softly in pure pleasure as they waited for breath to return to their bodies.

An ear lobe was pulled from her mouth as Kate turned to lap again at the cinnamon spots of her neck, "Kaa-te," Caroline laughed deep in her throat, "I'm never going to calm down if you keep doing that."

Between laps, "I don't want you calm, I want you squirming and breathless in my arms all night."

Twisting her neck to give better access, "Inside I'm always squirming and breathless for you. You know that, don't you?" Breathing out a long vowel sound as Kate's teeth gently tested the density of the large muscle running along her neck. Continuing when she was able, "You know that's why I come home to find you. To get as close as I can, even when there isn't time. Even when we won't be alone for more than a few minutes."

Caroline's mind compared the long drab years of mundane existence with her current state of happiness. Then, the only bright spots had been her boys. Now she wanted to be aware of how good life was, moment by moment. She made a conscious effort never to let it become routine. Kate filled her with joy and their life together was soul satisfying. All four of her children were bright spots in her life but they paled in comparison to the brilliance of the love she shared with Kate.

Tightening her arms, "You're my drug, Kate, my addiction. I have to have you. If you turned away from me now, I'd stalk you. I'd haunt you until you took me back."

Raising her face to Caroline's, "I'm never turning away from you Caroline. You're the air that I breathe, I can't live without you."

"The babies-"

"Won't be babies very long. But I'll need _you_ forever…" kissing Caroline passionately but with the heat dissipated for now."

They lay holding one another desperately close as if they were about to be torn apart, listening to the sounds of their household, muted through the thick walls of the old building that had sheltered them through so much living for over seven months. "I'll need you _forever_."

THE END OF DESIGNING THE FUTURE

_I began last spring to tap out words on the screen in an effort to reconcile in my mind what had happened between Caroline and Kate. I had no idea that this story laid beneath the surface of that. Or that it would go 62 chapters and 200,000 words. It has been an amazing journey of discovery for me. Your kind comments and encouragement were something I didn't anticipate. You've touched me and made me laugh, sometimes with uproarious delight by your reactions to what I thought I had written. I feel as if I have 'met' some of the nicest people in the world. Thank you to each one of you who have taken this journey with me. On to Series 3 of Last Tango in Halifax, oh Sally, what do you have in store for us now?_


End file.
